Archive of Our Own

A LOOK INSIDE
Michelle R Maguire
January 2022

Prelude
What makes one want to find the answers to the questions? Is this just curiosity, or is the need to know that is hard wired into their intellectual makeup that forces the search? The answer to this question is determined by what questions are being asked; at least that is the safe answer. In order to understand and to even enjoy the next pages you will have to accept that this is not your reality but it is someone’s reality and therefore any questions it may leave you with are yours to determine if they are in need of answering; which may or may not require your personal sacrifice.
There are many different types of survivor’s. There are those that survive natural disasters, animal attacks, terrorist attacks, even those that survive captivity. If you typed “survival” into any online search engine, the definitions given are of one mind, one rationale. They all point to the experience of living beyond others (death of another), or the experiences of being able to go with “life” after a tragic experience (physically or mentally). In reality more of the general public has had to survive something substantial in their lifetime, whether it was inflicted upon them, or it was self-induced.
This is the story of survival; the survival of experiences that were endured during the first half of a lifetime, the survival of abuse in several forms (physical, mental, sexual, and domestic) and from several different people. The worst decisions possible were made at several crossroads. Mistakes were numerous, but they are life lessons. When looking back at one’s own childhood, adolescent, teen or tween year’s ― you would not want to see it as times of survival. In the end, the survival was a transformation, from one that simply survived to one that wishes to simply exist and be happy; no longer having aspirations of grandeur, fame or fortune. Simply wanting to live and be happy.
If the telling of this story does anything, the dream is that someone will learn from the mistakes made, from the bad decisions and to above all else never blame themselves for the abuse laid upon them; for them to be able to survive and to flourish well before enduring half a lifetime of harshness.

From this point on this story will be told from one particular survivor’s point of view...enter Mace.

Chapter One ... In the Beginning...
Where would one start if asked to tell a story? Would one choose to start at the beginning of the pertinent information or the brief historical beginning or the true beginning of all events that lead to the story at hand? This story is more than just a story it is the recollection of a personal history. I would like to be able to see my past and not have it turn into a bad movie that I would rather turn off.
Doctors have said that if a child really does not like something they have the ability to block it out, take vacuuming or harsh music; which will also sometimes put a baby to sleep, when actually they do not like it and go to sleep to avoid the situation. On a harsher note memories can be blocked out when something happens to a person. These memories are hard to recover, at least for me they are. I have been unable to recover any true memories that are from before my teen years. I have glimpses into my childhood but for the most part I had to go by what others have told me to fill in the missing pieces; all of which may or may not be the reasons for what I have done and have yet to do.
I was born into a family that was purely for show as it was status quo in that era for pregnant girls to wed the father of the baby they were carrying. This Norman Rockwell fantasy lasted no longer than the paint used on the canvas that would be my life. No fear she was not one to be alone, as the next man in my life was present and accounted for sooner than was needed. This union brought me a sibling, but more than that, it brought drama and the loss of innocence in the near future. By the time I was in kindergarten he was gone from the home but not my life. The turmoil from this relationship would last well over fifteen years. His replacement was there momentarily after he left.
I wonder what lessons of life I was supposed to be learning in these formative years and what ones I should have learned. Was it that women can and do survive, or was it is more simply that men are replaceable? What I did learn for sure was that there were too many rules when it came to relationships, as everyone had their own set that they lived by. The trick would be to find someone with a similar set of expectations as my own.
By the time I was of a respectable age for copulating with the opposite sex, according to society, I was an expert as I did not wait and was introduced at a very young age to the aspect of sex; albeit it was not by choice. There is a fork in the road for those that have been taken advantage of in the manner I was, one goes to the promiscuous trail and the other goes the opposite way. It should be obvious which route I had chosen, but it was the P-trail. I can remember that by the age of twenty one, I had already amassed the same number of sexual partners, and some were sexual activities without names. I was not a very choosy individual; but I was a very lucky one. I never contracted anything or became pregnant, yet.
By the time I should have already completed my self-discovery and been on my way into adulthood, with a plan; I was instead a single mother of a tribe. At this same time I made a few very bad life decisions, marrying some of them. It was not until my world was torn apart by violence, abuse and the loss of all I loved, that I was able to finally find strength. I had to pick up the shards that were left behind to forge a semblance of a life. I discovered who I was and what I was made of. It took some time but the mosaic I came up with is a full life, filled with possibilities, and with no rules to bind my soul with.
Fast forward......

Chapter Two ... Enter Terrance...
Sitting here I have often wondered how I got to where I am, most would have crumbled after having a childhood from hell; let alone the adulthood wrought with trials and tribulations meant to break a person. Not MACE ― I am a strong and independent woman, who does not answer to anyone for the decisions I make, other than myself. Of course I do abide the authorities that do have rule over some of my behaviors, but we all must obey at one time or another. What I am saying is that I am the master of my own happiness and therefore do not answer to anyone.
Over the years I have met a few people that have really stood out against the backdrop of my lifetime. Some stand out for reasons that are less than favorable, but others for igniting the fireworks that light up the inner most part of me. We will focus upon the latter for the sake of these pages. My history with sexual feelings is a long and involved one, but that is why I am able to share my lessons and hopefully save you the trouble.
I have found that if you are numb to the outside world, it will take more to bring you back to reality. Have you ever wondered how far you would go for pleasure? I have and I am the happiest when I am pushing the limits between pleasure and pain; the finest line that could ever be drawn. There is less space between these two feelings than the infamous line between love and hate, but just as explosive. When I was young, I would equate sex with love and vice versa. I never thought about sex as an act, one that was a series of tasks and that it was up to me what I did or did not do. I was always more concerned with pleasing whomever I was with at the time. If anything, all of my former lovers have taught me one thing; sex is not a guarantee for anything. BUT, when you can master your own body, YOU can and will be able to guarantee pleasure not only for yourself but for those you deem worthy. It has been a long time since I have spoken his name or even thought of him; but he is a catalyst, for whom I am today.
(It does need to be stated that all names and events may be rooted in reality, but on these pages they have been morphed into a fantasy and with such have been changed in order to meet my needs.)
Terrance was nobody special, at the time, but over time his memory has been elevated to a level of great importance. Terrance was supposed to be a one night stand and nothing more, but what transpired that first evening was more than I could have ever dreamt up.
I had been sitting at the end of the bar for a few songs, taking in the scenery; as an avid people watcher. Not noticing who was actually being watched. I finally decided to join the crowd on the dance floor and work off some of the growing buzz from the several double screwdrivers being drank. I was having a good enough time, flirting with whomever chanced by. I even tried to gain the attentions of the bass player, as we “knew” one another. But he was occupied with a new groupie. I returned to my spot at the bar to order yet another double, at least that part of the night was working out as planned.
After chatting with the bartender for some time, I decided to walk out to the patio and get some air; and maybe a new plan. Outside sitting on the railing was Terrance, and he was staring up at the sky, assumingly at something? I watched him look at the nothingness and could not help but snicker to myself, or so I thought.
“Am I amusing you?” he said.
I was so caught off guard I nearly missed a step on the stairs.
“Sorry, I think it is uhhmmm, cute.... that you are staring at a big empty sky and it is keeping your attention....more so than what is inside.”
He must have found this answer amusing as well, because he started to laugh, and not quietly either; which in turn got me to laugh so hard I was dizzy.
The next thing I knew he had his arms around my waist and in a hold that I could not escape from, not even if I had wanted too. He bent down and whispered in my ear...
“I want to taste every inch of you, inside and out”.
Now that was an invitation if I had ever heard one. I answered in the best way possible, by kissing him; well at least I had tried.
He stopped my advances and said...“in all due time sweet thing”.
He then took me by the hand and started to lead me out of the bar.
As I do and did have some self-protection tendencies, I resisted his taking charge and the possibility he could abduct me. He stopped advancing towards the exit and turned to me and stared deeply into my eyes. I went to say something and he shushed me with a single finger to my lips. We stood there for what seemed like hours, but in reality it was just a few seconds.
He asked me one question... “Do you trust me?
Well of course the answer should have been a hardline NO, because he was a stranger. But for some unknown reason I nodded my head in agreement and allowed him to continue to lead me to the parking lot.
We went directly to my car, which I had no clue how he knew which one was mine. In the morning I would surly come up with several reasons why I should have never continued with this adventure, but that evening I was full of anticipation and that kept me seeking more from him. Somehow he had retrieved my keys. He opened the passenger door and I got in. He in turn sauntered to the driver’s door and entered all the while not losing eye contact with me ― how I never could comprehend.
He turned to me and said... “You do not have enough fuel to reach our destination.”
He turned over the ignition and drove directly to a gas station and serviced the car. I mean everything, gas, oil, wiper fluid. You name it and he checked and filled/ replaced whatever was needed. I was unsure where our destination was, but his taking care of things without being asked was, intriguing, no it was intoxicating.
I was unsure as to how far we drove, as I was not paying attention, not even to the outside surroundings to keep my bearings. I was in my own world, imagining different scenarios for the night to come with him. I was sure he was not going to come close to what was happening in my porn fueled imagination.
But the adventure would soon begin as we were exiting the freeway. We continued to drive for some time; eventually coming to a gate that seemed to be out of place as it seemed to be security for the woods that grew around it. Once we entered the property, you could see why there was a gate, and surely fencing to keep the estate secure. You could see some of the groomed lawns. The driveway was lit up by many ensconced lights, casting a low glow across the stony drive. The driveway was a winding path that ended in front of a massive home, where willow trees hovered like a lioness protecting her young. When he spoke to me it was a shock, as it had been a silent ride, not even the sound system was playing.
“Ready to begin?” was all he said, as he exited my car and came around to escort me into his home.

Chapter Three...It begins.
As we approached the archway of the entrance, the doors opened and a long legged blonde beauty spoke.
“Good evening Sir ...should I prepare the rooms?”
“Not yet Star, but I would like total privacy, so take the rest of the evening for your own.” “Thank you Sir, if there is anything...”
“I will call for you, now be gone!”
After that exchange I should have bolted for my car, but for some unknown reason I was hypnotized by his strength and the power he seemed to exude.
“Now for you...we should begin this evening with a light snack...”
As his words trailed off, he was beginning to taste the backside of my neck, just below the hairline. Every part of my body was electrified with anticipation.
He began to escort me into a room just off the main entrance, a sitting room. It was decorated as if an elderly lady still resided with the home. The furniture was all very homey. There was amble seating for a small gathering, even a settee along the full wall of windows that one could look out into the courtyard from. There was a porcelain tea set that adorned the coffee table. From which he proceeded to pour two cups of a lavender infused rosemary tea. (He told me later what it was). There was also a silver platter filled with Chestnut and Watercress tea sandwiches. Star must have done this for him before she left us. But that was the only answer I could have come up with, at that time.
As we consumed the nourishment and hot lavation, he proceeded to watch me. He was silent and seemed content to watch as I chewed every bite. Was he counting how many times I chewed each piece? This was getting too creepy for even me to withstand. I had to say something.
“So what exactly do you have planned for the rest of this...uuhhmm... date?”
“Well I would not exactly call this a date, but I can tell you that I know what you desire from me and I am very willing to comply.”
“What the....”
“Sorry, I only mean to say that I can offer you anything you wish, in regards to your sexual desires, or even other necessities. I am simple and very forthright with what I want and speak in that manner.”
I was dazed by the way he spoke to me. It was so formal and reeked of a rich upbringing; which was the complete opposite of my own.
“I do not know how you were raised, but in my neck of the woods you do not talk the way you are and further more if I wanted something from you I would have said so!”
I was getting heated and not in a good way.
“I do apologize, but I am only treating you with the manners you deserve as a lady. If you wish me to be as abrupt with you as you are with me so be it. I watch people and offer to those I choose, pleasure beyond their imagination. I wish to do this for you. I have watched you for some time now. You revel in giving pleasure and seek someone that can give you the immense release you crave. But have yet to find a worthy partner. Am I close? Or should I show you how to return to your mundane existence? Or are you ready to begin the next chapter and leave your attitude here in this room?”
I sat there, drop jawed and unable to voice any answer to the barrage I had just gotten. I felt like I was a child again being scolded for stepping outside of the boundaries of the household rules.
“Now that I have your attention, if you are well nourished and quenched we can adjourn to my bedroom for the rest of this evening.”
I simply nodded my head in answer. He took me by the hand a led me out of the room and to a back staircase that led straight to an entrance to “his” portion of the home.
It was way more than his bedroom. It was a whole section of the house. There was a massive bath and all the amenities, as well as a kitchenette, sitting area and of course the bed that made King size look miniature. He could stay in this area for a very long time and never have to leave for anything that is as long as he had supplies to last; which I imagined he did seeing the way things were going thus far. I noticed that the décor was sort of medieval in nature. If the room was lit up more I would surely have seen the leather straps, swords, and other old looking restraining devices. In the light there was, it looked like decoration, not tools of his pleasure.

Chapter Four...I am a novice.
I was immensely misinformed, everything in the room could and would be a tool for desire, and I would soon discover this as a fact.
“So, as you can see I am prepared to take as much time as needed to show you the way to YOUR infinite pleasure. But there are a few items we must discuss before I am willing to continue with the festivities. Such as...your boundaries.”
“My boundaries? Like what? How far you can go sexually?”
“For a beginning that would suffice.”
“Well, so far I have found little that I am not willing to try, at least once. I do not know how far is too far.”
“Take a look inside this chest”
He was pointing to a large dark wood chest that had a very old looking locking clasp, which was unlocked. When I opened the lid I found that it held many drawers each one holding items to be used in intimate ways...I presumed.
“Show me items that intrigue you. Those you know or do not. This will give me an insight into what your true limits may be.”
I did as he asked. Slowly fingering each item I came across. Many of the items were unknown and I lingered over these until I located an item that looked like a dildo but was made of glass. It was very heavy and not as fragile as it looked.
“Nice... that is French crystal, formed to resemble a former acquaintance.”
“Oohhh...well maybe we shouldn’t...”
“Tis’ fine and like I said it is a very nice choice. Please continue.”
I found a small plug that seemed to be made of the softest leather possible, a string of pearls that also had gems in every fifth position. He then came closer to me and opened the longer drawers that held punishment type items. My eyes were not really seeing these items. So many different rods made of leather, metal or even stone of some type.
“Bring all of your choices here to me.”
He was sitting on his bed, lounging as he was watching me discover the rest of the treasures of his chest. I had finally chosen the crystal dildo, a blindfold, oils and I had found a bouquet of feathers that were bound together by suede. Feeling overconfident that I had chosen this one as the “meaner” item; little did I know ... looks could and would be deceiving?
“All of these will do very well for your first time.”
“You say that as if you KNOW there will be a second!”
“I do believe we discussed your ATTITUDE and where to leave it! If you wish to continue you WILL stop thinking and just be here...and enjoy the possibilities.”
Smiling with his lips, but glaring with his eyes I knew he meant his words and with conviction I answered.
“Yes, Sir.”
“You are learning. Now come here and we will begin.”
He took the four items I had chosen from me and laid them out on the bed. Turing to me with the most evil smile I had ever seen.
“Now these must go.”
He said as he was reaching for me and instantly my clothes were all removed except for my bra and panties. Thank goodness I had thought ahead and had chosen a matching set that were very lacy and sexy. I was on the hunt when I had gotten dressed for the evening, what I did not know was I was the one being hunted.
Chapter Five...My new life.
My first evening with Terrance turned quickly into many days and evenings (maybe even longer I had lost any concept of time) of so much pleasure... another book needs to divulge those details... before I had even realized. One lazy afternoon I was lounging in the parlor and it occurred to me ― I had went MIA from my life and no one had even noticed or cared to look into it. I went to locate my belongings (phone) and discovered they were nowhere to be found by me. Getting back into full defense mode I called out for Star...
“STAR ... STAR ... WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
“Here, madam, what may I do to please you this day?”
“SCREW THAT SHIT! WHERE MY FUCKING PHONE ... PURSE ... IS WHERE IS ALL OF MY SHIT?”
“Please, madam, Master does not wish you to be excited in this manner. Your things are being stored in the Master’s suite. You must ask this of him ... but please I do beg of you to ask much nicer.”
You could have visibly seen the steam coming off of my head. Never had I felt so angry. Yet something about Star begging me to be calmer hit home. I entered the Master suite with less of an attitude. Yet as soon as he saw me...
“What has you looking so perplexed and so upset with Star?”
“I really need my phone ... my stuff. I feel cutoff ... against my will ...”
“WAIT RIGHT THERE! This was YOUR decision to stay so long. If you wish to return to your former existence, then by all means, GO!”
“It... is just that I ... only want to reach out to those that may be worried about me ...”
“Sorry ... Mace.”
“About?”
“ You have had no messages, no inquiries ... I posted onto your social media outlet that you were taking time for you and would be offline and would be unreachable for some time.”
“Really, you hacked my account?”
“Wasn’t hard, your passwords are feeble.”
“Okay smartass, what about my work, my appointments, my family or friends?”
“As for your job, an emailed letter of resignation and a request to direct deposit any funds due you was easily accomplished. You did not have any appointments within your e-calendar, and as for family and friends ... like I said there have been no messages.”
“Well, I’ll be ...”
“What?”
“What? What?”
“I’ll be what?”
“Nothing ... guess no one cares.”
“I cared and do care.”
“I guess, is it okay I have my stuff anyways?”
“If it will ease your worrisome brow, yes you may.”
The weeks turned into more months, and then I quit trying to determine how long we had been together and simply gave myself, my entire being to him. Terrance had a way of making time fade away. We filled our time together with adventures, both large and small. Seeing everything and doing everything (sometimes the tourist other times just being there). All of which were intoxicatingly exotic, places and events meant to tantalize every sense. He may have been Star’s Master, but to me he was just my T.
As the months flew by the adventures began to become darker and delve deeper into how far one could take pleasure and still call it pleasure. Eventually I was to find out what was too far for me sexually. It was during one of our adventures, we took a trip to somewhere, I cannot recall, only that it was warm and luscious. We were lazing about on a rather large boat, later I was informed that it was actually a yacht. What I was not told was that it was owned by someone T knew, and knew very well.
One evening T had business to attend to ashore. He left for the evening and was to return the next morning. So I decided I would make good use of the alone time and take in the night air while soaking in the Jacuzzi, and yes naked. What I did not know was that the owner was and had been there ... watching. Being under the assumption that I was alone, I did what any other red blooded woman would do, I pleasured myself ... repeatedly. When I opened my eyes I saw this really oily looking old man sitting across from me, doing the same, pleasuring himself.
“Please, do not stop for me.”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU NASTY OL’ PERV? WHO LET YOU ONBOARD?”
“Who am I ... well dearly, this be my little ol’ girl you are on. So I am in charge here. And I do the telling ...”
“Yours! T never said ... “
“Your T is MY protégée and does what he is told to do. Something you must learn to do ― I SAID DO NOT STOP!”
I tried to get out of the water, I did not care that I was naked. I just wanted to go. But I was stopped by two of the servants. They shoved me back into the water. T was not due back until the morning. I was at their mercy ― his mercy until then.
“I will do as you have asked ...”
“Good girl. Now I want you to do as I have asked twice of you ... “
“Yes, Sir.”
I proceeded, to try and pleasure myself. I just could not do it. I could not get past the feelings I was having, the forcing of it all, I was unable to comply.
“Since you have broken the mood, we will have to get you back into the mood, one way or another, there is much time.”
The servants grabbed me up out of the water, taking me to a lower deck. One I had not known even existed. These were his quarters, monitors to show him whatever and whomever he wanted to watch.
“Now boys, I want to see pleasure on her face, real pleasure, SO PLEASURE HER!”
Let us just say that they attempted to pleasure me, but my mind would not shut off, it would not let go. I was drier than sandpaper. They used so much lubricant they should have slipped off the yacht.
“Your T boasted that you were a river of pleasure, looks more like a dried up bed of dust. You should be pouring your love onto the bodies of these boys, instead you lay there and whimper and whine for your T. SEXGODDESS MY ASS!! Put her away, I tire of this!”
The next morning T returned as he said he would. He came directly to our quarters, where he found me still inconsolable.
He obviously knew that his “Master” had plans for me but not the sort that would cause such a reaction in me. To say he was furious is putting it lightly ― the loudness that came from below decks was deafening; which spoke volumes to my soul. My T was severing his ties with his Master for me. He really was my Master.
We never spoke of the incident again. But it was understood between us that only I could give my pleasure to another, it could never be taken; especially not by force. From that point on the only extras came from the treasure chest ―unless of course they were an invited guest (s).

Chapter Six... The end of Terrance?
Loving the life that T had given me, the months flew by. I did not recall that it had been a year since that infamous evening in the bar. But T did. A lavish celebration was planned. T told me it was to be a massive celebration filled with possibilities. I assumed that meant another adventure was soon to be unfolded. But I was so wrong in that; it was to be our goodbye; carefully orchestrated by T.
Guests began to arrive, some known only by T, others we had befriended together. But the guest’s that really took me by surprise were those only I would have known. There were several ex-lovers, old friends, family and even ex-husbands were present. I could feel every hair on my body. Their eyes were all pinpointed on me, why? What were they here of all places for? I never wanted them of all people to be here. I ran from the room to find my T.
“T ... T ... come on this is not funny!”
“What has you so upset my Lil’ Macie?”
“Those guests of yours ... are ghosts from my past! I cannot believe you would do this to me after all this time!”
“Yes, I know who and what they are to you. You are going to be your own exorcist from your past.”
“NO FUCKING WAY!! I AM NOT GOING BACK DOWN THERE!!!”
“YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD!”
“What?!?”
“You heard me, I expect you to be a gracious hostess and to ensure all of their desires are taken care of.”
“Excuse me! But I do recall that I was in charge of whom I allow ...”
“Mace, that is not what I meant, I want you to make them all at ease in our world and to show them that you are the queen of this place.”
“I still cannot do this, not even for you ...”
“Then you must decide.”
“Decide?”
“Yes, decide ... are we to continue our life or is it at its ending?”
“T ... please don’t make me do this ...”
“CHOOSE!!”
“I cannot do this ... I just can’t ...”
I ran from the suite. I never saw a face as I ran from what I had called home for a year. I fled the party, leaving all behind ... forever. I got into my car (an upgraded car that T had gotten me a while back) driving with no destination in mind, just escaping their eyes.
I have no idea how long I drove, only that I was running out of gas. So I pulled into the first station I saw. It was then that I had realized I left without any way of taking care of myself. I started to search the car for some form of payment for the petro I was about to purchase.
But what I found instead was an envelope with a hundred dollar bill attached. Instantly I was enraged, how dare he pay, as if I was a hooker, and a cheap ass one! In a huff I asked for the tank to be filled while I was opening the envelope. Inside was a handwritten letter.
Dearest Mace,
As you already know, everything I have ever done to you was ultimately for you. You needed to leave and to experience your own true happiness. If I had told you to go, it would never have come to fruition ... your stubborn side would have glued you here in indifference.
A part of you will always be with me. You can begin anew now.
Enclosed is a key to a safety deposit box in your name alone (at my bank).
It contains your future, when you are ready.
Take care of yourself
First and foremost love yourself as I love you and always will...
T
P.S. If ever you have a need or desire that is beyond your grasp ... you know where I am

I had a destination in mind. The bank would be my first stop the next business day. But as it was still Saturday evening I was on my own till Monday. I sheepishly asked the attendant if there were any cheap places to stay nearby. He said that there was a small B&B down the road. It was not a B&B after all, but a rooming house. This was okay, seeing I had little cash on hand. I had twenty four hours to figure out what I was going to do.
I left the strange little town with no name behind that Monday morning. Thankfully the distance I needed to travel would not cost much more than the tank of gas I had procured on Saturday evening. I must have slept the entire Sunday, because I have no recollection of doing anything. I simply woke up bright and early on Monday morning. (I only knew this due to the early morning news show telling me so) So I checked out and went on to the bank; because the curiosity was getting to me again. After retrieving the contents of the safety deposit box, I sat there in the parking lot looking at it all. (I did not want to look at anything inside that building, it really creeped me out being on camera in that little room.)
I could not believe what there was. He did not lie ... it was my future. There was a set of keys with a note attached...
If you have these keys ...you dreamt it and it is real, you have left our world for your little piece of happiness ... I will always take care of you ... T

financial papers that detailed land investments, including the deed to the cottage that we had found on one of our excursions, stocks and bonds, a bank book with the balance of $1,000,000, and a very old bottle of Dom ... only the best would do for him, there was a card attached to the Champagne as well ...
When you open this, it is my fondest wish that it is in remembrance of what was and in celebration of what will be ... My toast to you ... My Mace.
When we first began, lust filled our bodies, urging us to seek the ultimate ecstasy...
Always finding a new horizon to forge towards, together.
Our lust may have outgrown our bodies and our control over them.
It is forever in the air you breathe ... in all that lives, It has a life of its own now.
We are now and forever at its mercy
Forever striving for Euphoria
To Just Be!
To and for all of us!
T
I could not believe all he had done for me. Should I go back? No. He wanted this for me and this will be the last direction he will give me as my Master. I will make a life for me, one that pleases me and my soul. I left the bank and drove straight for MY cottage (up the coastline to a remote part where life was not as it looked on the outside); I still could not believe it was really mine. The next adventures will be mine and mine alone, to share with those I deem worthy.

Chapter Seven ... Enter Mace.
I had been so lost in being in my own home that it never occurred to me that some of the items throughout the place were items that I had purchased during my time with him. This really was my home. Upon further review of the contents of the cupboards in the kitchen, the bookshelves in the alcove off of the breakfast nook, even the dresser drawers and closet in the main bedroom ; were all filled to the brim with my possessions I thought were left behind with him. Feeling a little faint I unknowingly sat on the chest at the end of the bed, sitting there I thought of that night...
Star had woken me early that day... said something out Master wanting me as relaxed and happy as possible. She dressed me, and took me (without my coffee or breakfast... I was not a morning person...still am not one) straight to a limousine waiting on our arrival just beyond the front doors. We drove off into the sunrise towards some lavish spa where I was pampered beyond all measures of happiness. We only arrived back at the estate in time for me to get ready for the evening. Star was there then too... she was there by my side the whole time; was keeping me busy or was she trying to say goodbye in her own way?
“Well dammit all to hell... he fucking orchestrated the entire night! That fucking BASTURD! Who the fuck does he think he is!!!!!”
“Who the fuck is I even yelling at...shit still talking to myself, fuck it ... Let’s get a drink....”
I went directly to what I knew was my secret stash of goodies; he did have that delivered as well...didn’t he? I opened the antique globe in the corner of the room right alongside the wingback chair I had swooned over the month before in the valley.
Sure enough, it too had been stocked with all my liquid pleasures, but wait...is it here, HELL”S YEAH, my medication was also there! It was the next morning when I was abruptly woken by the loudest knocking I had ever heard.
By the time I got to the door the noise had subsided. But outside the door was a rather large basket of perishable delights, all wrapped up pretty, frilly ... and girly. STAR, it had to have been that crazed obedient loveable servant. It had to of been her. I picked up the heavy assortment and proceeded to the beautiful little sunroom/breakfast nook that I had fantasized about the time we stayed here. The coffee was ready? Oh yeah it’s programmed to be ready at Sunrise. After making me a cup of the best coffee in the world (my blend of course) and getting settled in on the overstuffed loveseat. I began to unravel the package.
I was taking my time with the covering as it felt like heaven’s fabric so light and fragile, almost virginal, yet it was seductively enticing, in come hither hues, tantalizing the senses (which is definitely not heaven like). I digress; I enjoyed the images of Star wrapping this basket of lusciousness. This first item that caught my eye was a quaint note card that was positioned so to be seen upon opening.
Hello Miss Mace.
I welcome you to the neighborhood.
I am Zeke, your grounds man.
I hope this package makes your first days here pleasant.
If you have any needs at all please just call.
I am at your disposal 24/7.

Okay, so it was not Star... my Grounds Man? What does that mean, especially with him being in charge of everything thus far? And just how was I to call someone when I do not know the number? Okay...back to the goodies even if it was not what I thought it was. Is he gay? Such a frilly package....laughing to myself I dug into all the delicacies.
So yummy were the finds and they were all my favorites in the realm of perishable sustenance, ranging from fresh fruit salads and greens to dry ice packed cuts of lean meats. There really was no need for me to leave my place for at least a week; time to discover me? Oh that would be an affirmative! He would have wanted me to decompress before entering “society”.... too funny. Who the hell am I; his child? But we all know I will still do as I am told, whether I hear the instructions or simply just understand them. I got up and took my treasures to the kitchen and proceeded to put things where I wanted them to be. I guess the help did not know me well enough, has my tastes down pat but definitely not my OCD type of organizing. I re-arranged the entire kitchen, right down to how the spices were arranged.
After finishing with the kitchen, I knew I had to visit every room of this not so small cottage, just like the blue box... bigger on the inside. That would take time and energy, so grabbing some food and more coffee I went to the entrance and began where else but at the beginning. I was up on the master level of my home, having completed the foyer, library, living space/media room, the office, guest areas and even the bathrooms on the main level. My attention was so focused that I did not hear the knocking, I did not even hear the noises being made as it was discovered I was re-organizing MY home. But what I did notice was the touch on my shoulder... I instantly grabbed the fingers and proceeded to bend them to the point of breaking....
“Wait, Wait!!! For the love of.... It is me Zeke! I work for you!”
“I do not recall calling you or answering the door, so you are an intruder at this point!”
“I am ever so sorry miss...”
He was on his knees at this point; a tear was close to falling from his right emerald green eye. I let go of my grip, but he stayed on his knees....curious in deed.
“Who am I?”
“Why you are the land owner Miss, my employer, hopefully a future friend...?”
“Well, that was simply stating the obvious! Now please do come up with the correct answer this time.”
“He said I was to be an answer to all of your needs.”
“So that makes me your....?”
“I know what it is you wish me to say, but alas it is not true. I am your servant per se, but HE is my MASTER.”
“Well fuck me!”
“Is that a request Miss?”
“Oh FUCK YOU, I TAKE NOBODY’S LEFTOVERS! Just tell me what the fuck you wanted and then get OUT!”
“I was concerned when you did not call, so I was doing what I was instructed and checked on your wellbeing.”
“Well, as you can see, I am just fucking fine, and do not need your assistance with ANYTHING! OH...just how the hell do I call a number I do not know!”
“Sorry, Miss, It is a part of the intercom system, which is also a part of the phone and security system. Simply press the red square on any phone, access panel, or even your media remotes, and I will be here.”
“Well la tee fucking da. He really is your Master isn’t he? No need to answer. I was where you are but not so ... I do not even know what to call what you and Star are.”
“We are life servants, forever at his service.”
“Alright, on that cryptic exchange, it is time for you to go, I will call if I need you...do not wait by the phone ... it will be a long fucking wait.”
I watched him exit my home and it was very strange. I felt like I had broken some cardinal rule by denying him his duty. No way, this is my life, isn’t it? I needed some leveling out. I went to get my medication and relax before getting back to making this place MINE.
It took a couple rounds of relaxation before I was ready work off the steam that had built up. But once I start something it has to be completed (OCD again). It took the rest of the day to complete all of the rooms on the master level (two more guest rooms and bathrooms, gaming room and an exercise room) except for the Master suite of rooms. That I saved for last. I knew better, he surely had some surprises in there and I wanted to be exhausted before looking for them. I would give him nothing, no reaction, just acknowledgement of the existence.

Chapter Eight...My room, so many possibilities.
I began with the mundane portions of the suite of rooms, closet, bathroom, sitting room, this included many pieces of furniture that needed to be moved, or its contents removed and redone to my way of thinking.
I had just completed the dressers and moving the last table to where I wanted it by my wingback chair next to the bed, when I realized I had not looked into the chest at the base of the bed, and it was freaking huge. It was almost as long as the width of the King sized bed and it was wide enough for generous seat, not to mention it was deep (just as tall as the bed) with the cushioned top. This was going to be creepy, I just knew it. Lighting another medicinal stick I lifted the lid...
Lying on top was a beautiful Black satin dressing robe. It had the tiniest red roses imprinted on it, which also became a massive dragon on the back of the robe, aided by the tiny glittering studs, diamonds? But of course they were, I forgot for a moment who actually did all of this. Too bad he forgot that I really do not care for diamonds at all, no life in them, just all reflections of others. Underneath the robe was a layer of wooden boxes that were a part of a maze that made up the first layer of the chest. These were not all full, but some did have new toys to discover, as well as old faithful ones that I recognized. Among the new toys were a silver witch’s wheel, an emerald encrusted dagger, and a sapphire blue glass (more likely crystal) dildo. We had played with similar items, but none so fine as these. Upon further review of the contents, there were many sections that I was to fill as time progressed. But there was a compartment that held a very special item.
The final discovery within the chest was a request from T. It was a gorgeous, intricately designed wooden box. Once I opened it, I understood. There laid THE bouquet of feathers from our first encounter. The inside of the lid had an inscription from him. It was burned into the box, forever there to remind me.
Mace, you are and will forever be a part of me.
These fragile feathers remind me of your innocence.
As does the strong unbreakable rod they are a part of.
May you find your way to pleasure.
Always remember there is always pain along the way.
T.
I do not know how long I was sitting there staring at the contents of MY chest. But I was removed from this ethereal place by a loud crash. By the time I made it to the front door, I was met by Zeke.
“Sorry to disturb you... there has been an incident. It seems a former acquaintance of the Master has discovered that you and he are ...well no more.”
“And this HE has decided he can crash into my life? Does he actually know me or just trying to get what he has been denied by T?”
“The latter is unclear, but he is gone. I took care of the situation.”
“Took care of?”
“Yes, would you require the details?”
“Not unless there is a need, I really do not like violence... No matter what you may have heard!”
“I am sure, this visitor will not return. As I am sure news will travel that you are not as unprotected as assumed.”
“Before you go...who exactly was this visitor?”
“He was an underling that used to be under the Master and his Master. I do not know his name, only that he no longer is a part of his world and is not welcome here.”
“Just because I really need to now...how do you know who is and who is not welcome here?”
“With this.”
He held out his extra-large phone and showed me an app. It held all relevant information about my likes and dislikes, as well as a list (and photo’s) of individuals that were NOT allowed on the property. After further review, I discovered that this list was exclusively a list of those I had met through T and it was obvious he did not want them to KNOW me in the same sense that he did. He had come a long way since that horrible evening on that boat from hell.
“Okay, I will give on that list of people not welcome here. But please do let me make the decisions about any other visitors myself.”
“Your word my lady is law...unless of course it does not match his.”
“That is yet to be determined; I can always get rid of you! So please and thank you, as to following MY RULES!”
With that he left to go and finish cleaning up whatever mess the visitor had made. I did notice one name missing from that list....Star. I can and will be visiting with her ASAP! I have so many questions. But how was I to reach out to her without either of the HIM’s knowing it? This will take some time...time to finish organizing and then a celebration for me and only me...for now.

Chapter Nine...What a party!
I must have done some real celebrating. The next morning I followed a trail of celebration throughout the place. Remnants of bottles emptied and cast aside, as well as pieces of clothing. I did celebrate alone didn’t I? I was dressed in a silk romper, the type I used to wear for lounging after a zealous workout with HIM. No matter, I am Master now, right? After retrieving a mug of oh so good coffee, I began to pick everything up and put it out of my mind. That was until I saw it! A leg sticking out from under the bed covering...of MY BED! OMG! WHAT DID I DO NOW! No WHO is the question; please let it not be the pompous ass Zeke!
I crept back downstairs to drink the liquid gold from my cup, refilling it twice. He was still asleep...should I wake him? I got it! I grabbed a nearby remote and pressed the RED button. Immediately a voice answered.
“Yes, Miss. How can I serve you this day?”
Well that was not expected.
“Uuhhmmm...by chance did you see me leave last night?”
“No, Miss. You have not. But....”
“But, WHAT?”
“You did call for a delivery and that person has not yet left.”
“What kind of delivery? Was it local? Oh never mind I will just ask the Delivery person!”
“Miss, do you need my help?”
“NO! I got myself into this...and I will get out of it! Go do some grounds keeping!”
“Yes, Miss. Good day to you.”
So that leg belongs to a delivery person. He did not say boy...maybe it is a girl or maybe he just did not know. Okay this could be fun or really embarrassing. This calls for more coffee and medication.
Now that I feel human, I will have to go wake the person in my bed. I prayed to whatever was listening that it was a boy, something I could deal with. I really was not up to dealing with a little flower that I supposedly deflowered. As I entered my bedroom, he (thank you) was sitting on the chest rubbing his temples, still naked by the way.
“Good Morning.”
“Uhhmmm, yeah morning.”
“You are?”
“OHH Yeah...townies call me Lil’ man, but my name is Joel.”
“Why do they call you Lil’ man?”
“Due to me taking care of the family since I was young.”
“And you are no longer young?”
“Nahh, been filing taxes for five years now, guess that makes me grown.”
“Okay, Joel...I have to ask why you are still here. SO long after your delivery...by the way what did you deliver?”
“Well, you were uhhmmm naked when you answered the door. So I took the invite and stayed. I delivered to you a pizza and three bottles of wine.”
“I guess I would have stayed too! So I invited you in?”
“You could say that. What happened was you took the pizza and wine and walked inside. Then hollered you coming or what! So I came!”
“I see. And do you have any requirements for today?”
“No mam’ I am yours for the day... if ya want?”
I stood there for a few moments taking in this lame banter I just had with this boy. Still unsure about his qualifications as to my needs I had to ask more questions.
“So, Joel...exactly how old is a Lil’ man that has been responsible according to the government for five years? If I were to guess...you are but a babe and around twenty, close?”
“You guessed it. But nobody’s babe.”
“Touchy, just saying you are plenty younger than myself, but that is obvious to you as you keep calling me mam. Now explain how it is that a twenty year old is in charge of the welfare of his family?
“Well, long story short, my pops is an ass, he walked out long time ago, my mom’s real sick has been for a long time and I have two little girls that need me to take care of them, cousins...their folks are dead.”
“You do have some issues. So exactly how long of a break from reality do you have?”
“Long enough.”
“Do not be so sure, what I require calls for more than a few hours.”
“Ohhh, well I must be back to the biz at one today.”
“On that note we will keep this as casual as possible. But first breakfast. Hungry?”
“Ohhh yeah!”
“Food first, then I will put you out of your misery, as I can see you have more than food on your mind!”
I could see just how hungry he was. The youth can fuck at the drop of a hat. But he already got fucked last night. So this morning will be all for me.

Chapter Ten...Lil’ man has possibilities.
Breakfast was quaint, he ate so fast. This will be his first lesson, patience.
“Now that you are fortified with sustenance, we will move on to other hungers. Follow me.”
I walked straight to the bathroom that was a part of my rooms; this was more than a bathroom. It had all the amenities, but these were made to fit more than a single person. They were all fitted for couples at least, more to those than need space to enjoy themselves. The tub was oversized cast, with the claw feet. There was also a shower that had jets for all angles including the raindrop waterfall than was positioned above a bench. I ran a bath that smelt divine, white lilies and lilacs. He was just standing in the doorway, not naked anymore, as he had donned his jeans (commando) for breakfast.
Once the bath was drawn I removed the little outfit that I was still wearing, and climbed into the hot and succulent water. He was still just standing there, as if he were hypnotized.
“Well...You are going to stand there? If being a voyeur...”
He did not let me finish my thought. He was out of those faded overworked jeans and into the bath before I could say another word, plashing me and the floor.
“I...am ....so sorry....mam?”
“That sounded like a question. Proceed.”
“Well...I have never ...well...done anything....like this.”
He was naïve and young, just like I was once upon a time. Taking mercy on him I put him at ease.
“Joel, I am unlike any other woman you will meet in this area. I have tastes that require adults with experience. From you I will only require pleasure, as you do not have the time needed for much more. “
“Wow, you sound like my boss, all business like. I thought you just liked me or were just very....horny.”
“I am business like, that is due to my training (I smiled thinking of Him)...but I am also used to having my needs taken care of, I am not used to being alone. So yes I was and am horny. And I like you enough to let you stay a little longer.”
“Mmmkay, so now what?”
“Now you will wash me.”
With that, he reached for the sponge and began to lather it and me up. We rubbed and cleaned every inch of skin, even my spirit felt like it was clean. After the bath was cooled, we emerged and I took him to my bed for my pleasure.
“Now Joel, I only want you to perform cunnilingus on me, DO NOT attempt to enter me with anything. Do you understand?
“Uhhmmm, no? What is it... cunnilingus?”
“Oh, well I want you to eat my pussy until I scream and you cannot place anything inside of my vagina. Got it now?”
“Well, hell! What will I get out of this?”
“You will see, Lil’ man (smiling the most devilish smile I could)”
He had no clue that I could take it for a long time. (HE had trained me well) I was not going to make him suffer for too long, but I was surely going to get my fill of orgasms before I let him just buck fuck me. He proceeded to attempt his instructions. He was very unsure and needed plenty of direction. I wondered to myself as he was attempting to pleasure me, if I was this clumsy in the beginning, when I first met Him. I knew some tricks but I definitely was not unskilled. He taught me how to control all things in life, including when I had an orgasm. Not wanting him to have lock jaw I relented after a while and allowed him to take me like an animal. I knew he could not last once I was gripping him with muscles I was sure he had never felt.
Sweat soaked, I ushered him into the bathroom and practically tossed him into the shower. Once I had him clean, again, I straddled him on that bench and proceeded to bring him to attention again. (Man those young ones can go and go, just like that furry pink bunny does) By the end of that session we had used the walls in the shower, the counter, and then we were on the marble floor finishing like rock stars. (He may actually have some use in the future!)
“Well now that I can say was zealous.”
“Uhhmmm, yeah it was.”
“You are not very articulate are you?”
“What?”
“Never mind, take another shower and get dressed, I will be downstairs.”
I really needed to get away from this Lil’ man. He was too naïve to take into my world as it stood. I went to another bathroom and cleaned myself up, dressing in a gauzy dress. It was going to be a hot day re-playing this morning’s menu in my head.
He came directly to me when he was finished. (Good Boy!) But he had this look on his face. I was not exactly sure, was he embarrassed, was he in trouble, I had to understand before I let him leave.
“Okay, what gives? You look like someone died?”
“Naay, I am just trying to understand what just happened and why it happened to me?
“Are you sorry it happened?”
“Oh hells no! It is just different, is all.”
“I see. And would you like it to happen again?
“Fuck yes!”
“Mmmkay...now this will come as a surprise to you, I too enjoyed our tryst. But you will not speak of this to anyone. You will not show up here uninvited. But I WILL ask for your services in the future.”
“Hold it, I ain’t no Whore!”
“But why not the pay is much better; And I can still go about my life with no complications. I DO NOT NEED OR WANT ABOY TOY BOYFRIEND! Sorry, about that but I really like my privacy and if you cannot abide by that then this is at its’ end.”
“I just thought you were going to pay me...for services.”
“I will if that is what it takes to glue those luscious lips shut”
“No mam, I will be good.”
“You have NO idea!!!And please do stop with the mam, I feel like a grandmother.”
“Mmmkay, what should I call you?”
“By my name of course!”
“And that is?”
Oh my, I really did it this time. He did not even know who I was, and I took from him like I was his Master!
“Sorry, you may call me Mace.”
“It was very nice to meet you, Mace.”
“Manners too! Okay let’s get you fed again and off to work. I will be in touch, by the way what pizza joint do you work at, for the next delivery?”
“It is the only one in town, but here.... (he dug out his phone and dialed the number from the delivery slip...the land line phone rang instantly) this is MY number.”
“That will do nicely. Thank you.”
He ate his left over pizza, as I welcomed more coffee. This may well be the beginning of something. Once he was done eating, we said our good-byes and he was off to make his money for the family. Little did he know I had already slipped a little something in his yummy worn out jeans? (A TY note plus a crisp $100 tip that must be claimed, and that I would know if it wasn’t) It had only been minutes when the land line began ringing. Thinking it was Joel I answered it.
“So what did you forget?”
“Forget? I have no idea what you are talking about, Miss. I was just confirming that you have no other needs today, as I have been summoned.”
“Summoned? ... Oh HIM. No I am just fine. I will be going to town shortly to uuhhmmm... see things.”
“He is a sweet kid, very quiet and loyal.”
“Ohhh? You know Joel?”
“Everybody knows the Lil’ man, though we call him that as was always his wish; due to being the Man of the house for many years. He has had a hard life and deserves so much more.”
“Sounds familiar. When will you return from being summoned?”
“I will be gone for a week. But if you have anything you need just hit that red button.”
“Just who is going to answer?
“Oh I forgot, Star is taking my place for this week, Master has need of me.”
“She is! Great! When does she arrive?”
“She arrived last night.”
“Are you two...a couple, Miss?”
“No, never been more than just good friends. And anyways YOU of all people should know better, I was HIS....what a dumbass you are sometimes. Oh ... Well... Alright then....Tell her I will ring her when I return later this afternoon. I want to have dinner with her.”
“I will inform her, enjoy your travels Miss.”
With that we hung up. I actually get to see Star, and ask her oh so many questions. I gathered up my belongings and headed out to re-discover this town I called Paradise when I first saw it.

Chapter Eleven...A new life in a town called...My Paradise.
I ignored the clipped tones by which Zeke had answered me, I wasn’t his Master. But if I was he would have been sore as all hell! I needed to distract myself. Dinner with Star could be my undoing.
So I dived into the so called downtown area; entering every shop, whether I needed something there or not. It is good to be familiar with all of your surroundings, yet another lesson learned from Him.
This really was paradise. So many quaint little shops, no boutiques better describes them. Some were Boho, some were Pioneer – Outdoorsy type, and some were even Goth. It was weird like the town could not exclude any taste and instead embraced all. I found something in just about every venue that caught my eye and my pocketbook. And my delivery boy was correct only one pizza place. But there was also a homey diner, a Chinese takeout only restaurant, and a fancier Italian restaurant (we had eaten there). There was also a movie house, as well as the other amenities like the grocery store, drug store and all the other stores that people need. But what caught my eye was there was not one bar in sight. I could not even locate a liquor store. How did they burn off steam? Joel had brought wine, so where did it come from?
Curious as ever, I headed to the diner; gossip was more than likely on the menu. When I entered it was like going back in time. Straight to 1950s, the staff looked like they were from the show Happy Days! I loved it. So I sat at the counter and ordered lunch, seeing I fed l
Lil’ man twice while I did not eat. About halfway through my burger and fries the waitress sidled over and got right down to business.
“So, are yous the ones that bought that parcel north of twenty? Yous gonna make trouble fer usins or yous gunna just let usins be usins?”
What the hell...was I really that deep away from civilization?
“Excuse me? If you mean that cottage outside of town along the shoreline, then yes that would be me, no yous involved.”
At this point the busboy walked by and noticed me being grilled or information.
“Excuse Ol’ Mags, she isn’t exactly right, if you catch my meaning.”
“Much easier than hers. What exactly does she think I am going to do?”
“Well every new comer decides they just love it here and decides that they just have to leave their mark and ta da we have another strange new shop on Main Street.”
“So that explains the wide range of boutiques. No fear I do not wish to work for a living.”
“Really? Just what you going to do play the lottery?
“You could say I already did, and please do let them ALL know I mean no harm and plan on keeping my existence private and away from prying eyes.”
I was smiling so mischievously and seductively that the bus boy blushed a little. Ol’ Mags was glaring at me from the end of the counter. I guess dessert would be a stretch. I added that to my mental notes about my paradise. I paid for my lunch leaving a healthy tip and proceeded to discover the nooks and crannies of town.
It was at the grocery that I listened and learned all the who’s who about town. I also inquired where to procure some wine and was absolutely told that there would be no consumption of that substance in our town. (Thank lord I lived out of town) At least I found everything else I needed. It would be another thirty minutes north to find a larger metro area. But I knew alcohol would be plentiful and any exotic tastes quenched. I made a final stop for some dry ice to keep my perishables cold during the extra drive for spirits and lavations, both of which this girl will be wanting ( I made sure to stock up on all my favorites and a few new ones). I made the drive interesting, I envisioned Star trying hard to deny my accusations. The looks she made kept a smile on my face the entire trip, as well as the crazy excuses I came up with on her behalf.

Chapter Twelve...Dinner with Star.
After arriving home I could not help myself. I pressed the red button.
“Yes, Miss.”
“Just checking.”
“Checking... Miss?
“Yes, whether it was really you and not that ass Zeke.”
“Oh, I see, Miss.”
“I have just arrived give me a couple hours and let yourself in. There will be goodies to occupy you in the sitting room.”
“Yes, Miss See you soon Miss.”
I was grinning like the Alice’s cat. This was going to be fun. I turned and began to make a festival of finger foods. Light but satisfying to begin with, dinner will be a Caesar salad, Rib eye steak and a few bottles of wine...to begin the evening. Dessert could be a Baked Alaskan or it could be late night pizza....decisions, decisions.
I was still dressing when I heard the front door. I let her get as comfortable as she could. Taking my time I added a few touches of makeup and clasped the long gold Y chain that emphasized the cleavage I had chosen to show through the airy scarf dress I had found earlier that day in town. I entered the sitting room, finding Star looking out into the property, lost in thought.
“Sorry I took so long; I guess the last few days have me off my usual manners.”
“No Miss, it is I whom should be sorry. Sorry for all I have been a part of, sorry for hurting you in that way...”
She had teardrops in her eyes. This was not at all what I had envisioned or wanted.
“Stop this Star...this is not at all what I wanted from tonight. Yes I wanted a payback, but not like this. Let’s just sit eat, drink and chat. Enjoy ourselves, as ourselves, not HIS property.”
“Miss, I am his and I am for life. This is a life debt. I will do as you ask, but within his boundaries first and foremost.”
“Well, He still knows how to fuck up a good thing! Can you socialize with me?”
“Yes Miss, no rules except for one, I may not take pleasure in any way from you or give you pleasure...it is as it was before, you are a hard limit.”
“Must be my punishment; due to my refusal of the asshole that is known as Zeke.”
“You really do not like him, Miss?”
“Not at all, he is arrogant, pompous, very matter of fact and short sided and thinks he is caviar and oysters. I would rather have pizza”
I laughed to myself, at my private joke.
“Miss, what do you have planned?”
“Well, food, drinks, talking, more food, drinks and, maybe some medicinal tokes, then who knows where the evening will take us. Question...May you partake in pleasures that do not include me directly?”
“If you are asking if another may pleasure me, the answer is yes, He only excludes you. The evening sounds very doable Miss.”
“Let’s get down to business then!”
With that we dug into the little tiny bites of delicacies, drinking good wine in the process. We had emptied three bottles by the end of dinner.
“Let’s you and me take a soak and drink this fancy scotch!”
“Miss....”
“No fear, I am not breaking His freaking rule, we will soak in the outdoor tub, take in the stars, and maybe if you are a good girl I will order in dessert!”
“Miss?”
“Come on, you lil chicken!”
I removed my dress, leaving the chain and my lace panties and went for the back of the house. I had just what she needed and he would be more than willing to comply. I was sure of it. Shortly after I was soaking in heaven (and after making a call to Lil’man, requesting he bring a friend for her dessert) she appeared. She was wearing a bathing suit, I could tell as it matched her tan lines beautifully. At least she was still here with me and dessert would be here at midnight.
We soaked till we were prunes and having a heady buzz we adjourned back into the house. I had just retrieved the medicinal sticks and more liquid refreshments when the speaker sounded.
“Excuse me, mam...I mean... Miss, but your...uuhhmmm... delivery is here”
I buzzed him in, even though he sounded like some high schooler coming to see Mrs. Robinson.
“What have you done Miss Mace?”
Star almost looked concerned. That was until she got a look at Lil' man and his friend he brought.
“Dessert is served my dear!”
“Miss?”
“Oh no, I followed the rules, you will not take pleasure from me or give me pleasure...but this stud over here will pleasure the hell out of you! Hell we might even trade somewhere along the way? Does either of you boys mind?”
They could not even answer all three were just staring at me. I simply led the way to my suite, bottles in hand and let the cards fall as they wished.

Chapter Thirteen...Morning after.
I awoke the next morning, not too late but later than I had wanted. As I got up from my massive bed I realized I was alone. Maybe they were already downstairs; Star probably was taking care of them and getting the day started. So I took my time, this was my home after all. I am Mistress of this place...right? I quickly showered and changed into another gauzy dress (commando head to toe), had to be ready for any breakfast that would be served...right?
As I entered the kitchen I still had not seen one person. That was real, wasn’t it? I did not dream all of that carnal desire put forth by those delicious boys. And Star; she too was taking a large part in training them to do as they were told instead of what they wanted, needed or even felt. Coffee cup in hand I searched the entire place, no one was there...I was alone, again.
“SCREW THIS FUCKING SHIT!”
I pushed the red button!
“Good morning, Miss...What may I do for you this day?”
“CUT THE SHIT STAR! WHERE ARE THEY? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? AND WHO THE FUCK PUT YOU IN CHARGE?!?!”
“Miss? Do you not remember? It was you that had me call to get them out of your castle and to take care of things as only I would know how. And so I did. They were taken home, as was the vehicle, they were also instructed as to your privacy. Neither would accept monetary payment, but both requested you keep both of their cell numbers on speed dial. I informed them to never expect, but to always be ready, at any time. Did I mistake what you wished?”
“Well... Fuck me! I am him in female form...”
I dropped the receiver and walked out of the house...leaving Star on the line. It was only minutes before she came looking for me.
I was in a swing that hung from this old willow tree, overlooking the shoreline below. If I swung out far enough and jumped I would surely not survive the fall.
“Miss? Are you alright?”
“Miss please... Answer me!”
She came up behind me and grabbed me by my waist jerking me off of the swing and to the ground in one fluid motion.
“Miss, please do not make me call...Him...”
“That will not be necessary. I am...will be fine. If I promise to be good will you get off of me?”
“So Sorry Miss...”
She got up, as did I. I then walked directly back to the house, shutting, and then locking the door behind me. She understood her place. I grabbed the phone and contacted her.
“Star, first thank you ...but really it was not needed; second I no longer require yours or Zeke’s services. I will hire my own people. I will also be leaving this place for one that is truly mine, one that is not tainted by his rule. You may stay or you may go to him, it is your choice as this is mine.”
I did not wait for her to answer me; I simply hung up and began to plan out what my next steps would be.
As I was walking away, the front door opened. It was Star and she looked like hell.
“What now?”
“Miss, you may not make decisions like this, in your condition. He will not be pleased.”
“He! Well guess what honey, He! Is not in charge of me anymore, REMEMBER?”
“Yes, Miss that is true...but you are not ...well.”
“Yes I AM! That was a momentary lapse of judgment. FOR FUCK”S SAKE!! YOU ARE NOT HUMAN IF YOU HAVE NOT COMTEMPLATED IT AT LEAST ONCE! What you and his fucking majesty do not realize is that I AM ready... to do what must be done in order to survive this life.”
“You are sounding like you...but really to leave all of this....?”
“This is still Him and filled with Him. I am the Mistress and I will decide my own future.”
“I do understand, as you desire Miss...I am at your disposal.”
“Well, Thanks for the offer, but with no offense meant, No thank you...you are His and I will not allow him any access into my life from here on.”
“I understand Miss. I will stay and not be privy to any details, but may I say goodbye when the time comes?”
“You best do that now; I do not want to leave any clues for him, I will not be accessible to him or any of his minions any longer.”
She just stood there staring at me. She did not move or utter any sound. I walked to her and grabbed her face forcefully, yet seductively. I proceeded to kiss her unlike I have ever kissed another, with force and malice yet with lust and desire ...all mixed into one motion. I then walked her back to the entrance, showing her out...out of my life.
“Good bye Star....”
“Well ... that went ... well?”
Crap, I am talking to no one; maybe I am not well enough to be alone... Closing the door a single tear fell. Was it for her, for him or for me? Starting to really cry I ran all the way to my bedroom. Once inside what I had thought of as “my” inner sanctum; I angrily wiped my face with my hands. Then it hit me. It was something told to me many years ago, but at that time I was not ready to listen. Crying is something you could do to vent the extreme emotions, but the emotions could and should be used as the fuel needed to propel into tomorrow...always a new beginning in tomorrow. Funny how those little antidotes and pieces of unsolicited advice seem to come back to you when they are actually (finally) needed.
Feeling more like the true “me”, I did something I have never done before. I sat down to make an actual plan...a plan for the future.

Chapter Fourteen...The future.
The next morning I awoke with the sun; I had forgotten to close the blinds. (Note to self....you fired the help ...it is all you now) When I looked around, there were papers strewn all across the bed and it did not look like I was too awake when they were written. Grasping the nearest piece of paper, I could barely read it...it looked like doctor scratching.
But thankfully I could discern the gist of what I was planning during the frenzy of thoughts. Gathering them up into a pile; I proceeded to get ready to begin MY LIFE.
After a very long steamy shower, I dressed in “work” clothes...yoga pants, camisole and a loose flannel...today I needed to be digging through the shit of yesterday in order to make tomorrow. I definitely did not look like I was going to be entertaining or even going out in public. But I sure as hell was comphy and that would be the mantra of the day...COMFORTABILITY.
Tossing my hair into a loose bun, I went and brushed my teeth. As I was preparing the medicinal sticks for the day I could smell it (I forget again). The coffee was ready and waiting for me. Maybe I should de-program it so I am in charge of that too. No way, this IS how normal folk live, with technology giving them the little things in life. I grabbed the papers and went downstairs to begin the day.
After a cup or two, I was already done re-writing the crazed notes from the night before, into some semblance of order. I had actually come up with some pretty good plans. So I proceeded to get to work on the first task ― the re-setting up of this house, minus HIM.
Yes, I would be staying here, hell HE had never been inside, just looked through the windows with me on one of our trips. BUT there was SO much to do his place in order to make this place HIM free. I needed re-enforcements. Just as I was about to give Joel a call, I heard something outside the front door. As I reached the door I could hear a vehicle leaving and not very quietly...they were either in a hurry or not very happy. There was also an envelope sticking out from the door, it had to be from Star.
Dearest Macie,
I never wanted anything but for you to find the happiness you truly deserve.
I never wished for you the existence of which I am forever sealed.
I am so very glad that you are YOU once more.
I know it is your wish to sever all ties to HIM, which includes me.
But please always know I am here for you in anyway.
To show you just how loyal I will be, enclosed is the map to the wiring to all cameras on the estate, as well as the pass codes needed to access the console and to disable HIS remote capabilities.
I wish you health and happiness
All my love forever
Your Burning Star
Ps. I am leaving, as he has summoned me. HE KNOWS all. Beware and ever diligent in keeping your life yours.

I could not believe, at least I did not want to believe it...he had been watching me, he saw everything? I looked at the map of wiring. I could not make heads or tails out of it. I HAD to ring, find these cameras, let alone the console had to be disabled and HIS ties cut for good. I called Joel (2nd ring he was learning).
“Yes, Mam...”
“We’ve been over this...”
“So sorry, Mace...What may I do for you today?”
“I need you and some of your trusted friends...one good at surveillance camera wiring and another one that is a computer genius I at all possible...plus you may want to tell Mom that it may take a while ... and quit your job because you are officially on MY payroll fulltime.”
“Uuuhhh okay Mace, I guess I can help you, it may take a while to get some peeps together. Are you okay? You sound ...different?”
“NO!! I AM NOT OKAY!! HE has been FUCKING WATCHING US!!”
“FUCK ME!! Really? Okay, Okay, I got this ― see you soon!”
Thank God he understood just how frazzled I was. I grabbed a stick and went out the door. (HE cannot watch me out here ... Right?) I walked down the road till I was calmer and the stick had went out.
As I was getting back to the house I could hear my phone, which I had abruptly left behind.
“Hello...”
“Mace, we are on our way. No worries we got this handled.”
I was my Lil’ man, he had to have been as nerved up about this crap as I was. The poor kid, he was far too young to have to deal with all these adult type problems. I went upstairs to prep more sticks, as I was soon to have company. On my way I flipped off every spot I could think of that may or may not have a camera; maybe one or two was wired straight to his heart.
The guys arrived. My Lil’ man in the lead. He introduced me to everyone, but honestly I did not commit one name to memory. The computer whiz was first to speak up.
“Uuhhmm, where would I find this console?”
“The console? Oh yes, it has to be in the grounds keepers place...and here are the codes she left me.”
“Cool the original pass codes will save me a ton of time. Do you wish to have new ones installed?”
“Yes, but only one master code and only I will be privy to the images.”
“Gotcha, no one looks except you from now on.”
He left with a couple boys in tow.
“So Lil’ man, now what?”
“Mace, now you must choose which cameras to keep. There are how many set up? Dude I am talking to you!”
“Shit man, I sorry. I have never seen so many unless you were protecting the National Debt. Crap this guy is NUTS! There are a minimum of 50 outside and maybe more than that inside. What a creeper... I am so sorry Miss. Mace.”
“FUCK! HE WILL NOT RULE ME ANYMORE!! Sorry, I am not yelling at you... K... I only want and need actual security camera, and nothing more.”
Lil’ man grabbed his remaining friends and they proceeded to locate each and every camera; removing all except for what really was needed for my safety. In the end I had a good perimeter, as well as a few inside near doorways. Hell there had even been a bunch in the grounds man’s place, guess they were not trusted either. Some were genius, using knick knacks from our trips and frames to artwork as camouflage.
While the guys were all busy redoing everything, I had begun the task of compiling all the stuff to be removed from my home. I wanted no remembrance of him to be there any longer. So knick knacks (those not hardwired) were gone now. Each one from some place we had visited together. Anything that reminded me of him would be gone. And I had the perfect place for all of it...the trunk. It would be HIS final resting place for all his memories, gifts and toys, well the emotional resting place. (The boys stored it in the far back of the attic when I had finished with it) Out of sight is out of mind.
Once the system was reworked and redesigned to my satisfaction, I told them they could all spilt up the excess camera crap (it would be worth a pretty penny), including the console with the several plasma monitors that were there. I had also paid them all very well for their time and for my privacy. Lil’ man was about to take them all home when I stopped him.
“So, Lil’ man...now that you are my fulltime employee, I think we should change my calling you Lil’ man to Joel. As long as I am correct...You are accepting the job?”
“Yes, Mace I accept the offer. But what will I tell my mother that I do for a living?”
“No fears there... this is a J...O...B, so tell her that. I need help running this place. You will be the grounds keeper and my assistant...and that is all.”
“Oh...I see...”
“No you do not see...We had fun and may do so again, but I am not PAYING you to do that! And by the way, your fringe benefits include the groundmens’ place, for you and your family to use.”
“FUCK ME! REALLY?”
“Yes, really. You deserve a future and your mother deserves to know that you will be fine. I may even hire her too. Tell her to join you in the morning. Be here at ten.”
“Oh I will... we will... shit... she ain’t gonna believe me...”
“Call if you need too, I will talk to her. And please quit talking like some backwoods hick. You are a grown ass man with a grown ass job.”
Smiling I shut the door after him, pleased with the day, even if it was an emotional train wreck in the beginning. I was ready to finally relax in MY HOME! I sat down with a fresh stick to plan the next step to total freedom.
The next step had to be my finances. I had to fire everyone involved up to now and hire all new. The new ones had to be 100% unconnected to HIM. I found one such person. I hired a local lawyer via face chat, I had to see his reaction if any to T’s real name. I instructed him as to my wishes. He knew all that I did about my financial situation. He assured me that within a day he would have all accounts secured and moved to new locations.
Everything was to be sold, the lands, the investments, everything except for my home and the lands surrounding it. Those were to be mine and mine alone. The house was procured in my name alone; as was the trust... both were already free and clear of him. A new portfolio would be accomplished in time, but with my interests and needs in mind. My former master would not have even a fingernail’s hold on my life any longer.
A lot had been accomplished in this my true first day of freedom, not unlike the day HE had given me my physical freedom. But it was so much more to actually know I was in charge and no one was going to ever be able to take away my freedom of choice, not ever again.
I locked the doors, checked the windows (remembered to close the blinds), then set the alarm system and went upstairs. I was drained emotionally and physically. Tomorrow would be filled with more.

Chapter 15...Meeting Mom
Thank goodness my Lil’ man call first! Because I was so smart, I closed up the house, including the blinds but forgot to set any kind of alarm clock...the sound of my freaking phone woke me.
“Good Morning, Miss. Mace. I was calling to confirm our meeting this morning?”
UUgghhh...what freaking time is it?”
“Miss...? Are you alright?”
“TIME!”
”It is 9:30 in the morning Miss...”
“FUCK! DELAY... the meeting till eleven...I am not ready...”
“Miss...Again...are you okay?”
“Yes, yes I am fine, I am sorry...I overslept this morning.”
“Well, then ...we will delay...see you at eleven”
“Make it twelve...”
I could hear him snickering under his breath. It truly was funny. His neurotic, high strung, new boss overslept on the day she invited the new ones’ mother to meet with her, and to invite her and her family to live on the property; as well as work for her. That was really smooth Mace...
I turned and ran to the shower; I had little time to waste. Making it a short shower, then dressing as casually yet nicely as I could (good impressions...right), I headed downstairs to get my needed caffeine. Smoking a fat stick with my liquid nourishment (what the hell am I nervous for?), I checked the time ― (FUCK ME!!) it is 11:30. (Okay girl ...you got this) I freshened up (body spray). Made more coffee and was in the process of making some semblance of food when the phone rang.
“Miss. Mace... Is it alright to leave for the meeting?”
“Oh my...Joel...did I screw things up this morning?
“No Miss...I have my mother some details, as to your condition. She is very understanding when it comes to abuse and control issues with men. So you are ready then?”
“Yes...dear....I am actually preparing a lunch of sorts?
“Please ...nothing too fancy...we have ....simple tastes, simple folk after all.”
“Funny, joke all you want. I will see you both very soon.”
We hung up. I was smiling again. I was calmer too. What was it about this kid that fit so well?
I had the mini feast done when they arrived (12:15pm...he gave me extra time). I had made simple open face mini sandwiches (roast beef with a veggie blend on toasted baguette slices), put out a lightly dressed Caesar salad; as well as a pitcher of Mojito’s. Joel and his mother were at the door...I had left it wide open for them.
“Please...Do come on in; lunch is ready in the alcove”
“Thank you, Miss. Mace...this is my mother Ms. Sims.”
“Nice to meet you Ms. Sims.”
When I reached out with my hand to greet her, she grabbed me into this massive mother bear type hug. She whispered into my ear.
“Everything will be fine”
When I looked up at her son, he simply shrugged his shoulders.
“Uuuhhh...okay...Ms. Sims...please let go of me....”
“Oh dear....dearie I am so sorry...you looked as if you could use a good ol’ fashioned hugging.”
“Yes...well...normally....oh, never mind...this way please.”
I showed her the way to the alcove. This was where we were to get to know one another ...properly? If there was even such a thing in today’s society where all one has to do is Google the other‘s name and wholla, there is their life in print.
“Good afternoon to the both of you.”
“And to you Dearie ... (she noticed her son giving her “the look”)...Miss. Mace.”
“Yes...Ms. Sims...I do not know what all your son Joel has told you but I need to know that you are 100% sure of my privacy on all matters.”
“Yes Dearie... Miss Mace, you can be sure of my keeping your private matters, private. I have been a maid all my life; I am very much acquainted with keeping...secrets of the rich.”
“Uuhhmm...there has been a misunderstanding...I am in no need of a maid Ms. Sims and I am by no means a rich person with secrets to be kept...but you are qualified for what I am in need of.”
“Then what Miss. Mace, is it that you want of me?”
Joel interrupted the exchange.
“So we have a lot to discuss...shall we eat first, and then we may discuss the particulars of what was and what may be... please Mother? Miss. Mace?”
“Sorry, Lil’ man...I will listen first ...”
“It is Joel at work... (He glanced at me) Miss. Mace... this is still about work?”
“Yes it is...and very good suggestion...let’s eat in peace, enjoy the fresh air...and then we will all talk.”
We ate in complete silence. Each one of us thinking they understood what was about to happen. But honestly no one could have known; as we were three individuals and each has their own perspective of events and their own theories of what may or may not be. I cleared our dishes and refreshed our drinks and retrieved a stick, which I placed on the tray in plain view.
“Okay...Joel...Ms. Sims...first and foremost thank you for coming here to meet with me and thank you in advance for keeping my business mine. Joel you accepted a full time position with me last evening...the position is officially my Personal Assistant, my right hand in all that I do in the future, including being a travel companion from time to time... And Ms. Sims...I wish to offer you the position of Head of Household (she smiled). As my HOH (now both of them were giggling) ...WHAT?”
“Miss. Mace...that is from a T.V. show us both love to watch....Big Brother...”
“Don’t watch much T.V. so guess that was no bad on my part....Okay we will call it the House Manager...is that okay with you two?”
“Yes Miss...It is.”
“As I was saying , you will oversee whatever staff you feel you have need of, mind you none without my permission first...I digress...staff to do the chores, yard work, run errands, etc., etc. I will of course hire the security staff, if I feel we have need of them. We have a great system already (I gave a nod to Joel). Now then if you accept these positions, your salaries are on the tray in your envelopes. This is a yearly salary for your 24/7 availability and your discretion. There are also the codes to the gates, the houses and all out buildings; as well as paper work for access to banking accounts needed to do the tasks required of each of you.”
No one moved a muscle. I think they were in shock. They just sat there staring at me once they opened their envelopes and saw what I was offering each of them.
“Miss. Mace...One question...”
“Yes, Ms. Sims...”
“Are we...in any danger...here?”
“No mam....not in any danger, what so ever... I can assure you of that. As I am sure Joel mentioned...it is not necessarily my safety I am protecting but really my privacy. HE... was never violent, just very controlling, had to be the one pulling all the strings...I am cutting those strings, but with HIS blessing...of sorts.”
“Alright, Miss. Mace, enough said or me.... I Joel Sims accept your job offer of personal assistant.
Now mind you I was not offering either of them a fortune, but their salaries were comparable to their positions as held globally (I had checked on line first to be sure they were enough)
“Miss. Mace...one more question...if we are to be available 24/7, do you expect us to reside here with you?”
“Actually ... yes and no. Joel will reside here in the main house, at my disposal...I will be working strange hours for some time to come and will have need of him. You and your other child will reside in the house nearest the gate. The smaller house down the pathway is a studio type space that I have not decided upon yet. The other buildings are self-explanatory.”
“Oh ...My... then ...this ...salary is way, way too much...I cannot...”
“Ms. Sims, the amount is comparable to others in the same positions; your rooms per se are an added bonus, as is health care for the three of you...we all must be healthy right?”
I was smiling at her.
“Then, Miss. Mace... I can only graciously accept the offer as your House Manager. When shall we begin?”
“Today... If you do not mind?”
“But we must move and I must tell... (she glanced at Joel in the strangest of ways) her.”
“Oh yes...uhhmmm...her”
“Okay...Joel...Ms. Sims...just what the hell are you not saying?”
It was Joel who spoke up.
“ Miss. Mace...You are right in the thinking I am a kid, well a kid at heart anyways....I lost my childhood a ways back when I became a father...a single father. She wanted to abort, I could not do that...I told her CATHOLIC (he spat that word out) family and they hurriedly agreed to allow us to raise the baby...alone. Her name is Joy; she is my Joy, the joy of my life. She is six years old and my mother’s little angel.
Joel was smiling at his mother; a tear was stuck in the corner of his eye. He was trying so hard to provide for his little family and I was taking him away from her....making him be with me....I must have had a look on my face.
“Miss. Mace, Joy does not know me as her father, my mother adopted her or I could never have kept her, you see I was only fifteen when she was born. You are not taking away her father but giving her a life she deserves to have. Honestly I will be seeing more of her this way.”
“Yes, Miss he will see more of her this way I am sure of it. And she will have advantages he never did.”
“Okay, you both have given me a lot to digest. Why don’t you go really check out the grounds and your new home Ms. Sims and decide what you wish to bring and what you wish to remove from your place. As the house is furnished and stocked. You may call the movers anytime and please do charge it to the household accounts.”
Her smile was so infectious, I could not help myself. I grabbed her into a humongous hug, this time she was the one in need of hugging. Joel joined in and we all three stood there hugging one another.

Chapter 16...It begins anew
I stood there watching Joel and his mother walking hand in hand (I was sure it had been a long time) as they went to discover what would soon be Joy’s life. Then it struck me like a lightning bolt. I had never been inside what was soon to be Joy’s home. I ran full tilt all the way across the property, all the way the Sims’ new residence. I had to be sure there were not any things that need not be discovered by any of them.
As I got within sight of the cute miniature version of my place, I could see that there was a box sitting on the front porch. Curiosity and all...I opened the box. Inside I found what looked to be another collection of toys, accessories, odds and ends (most still either in their original packaging or had price tags still attached). There was also a leather bound book. At first glance it looked like a blank journal, just roughed up enough to look old. But inside was a small note card...from Star.
Dearest Macie,
I do understand all that you are doing,
I hope these items make you smile as you begin your new life.
May you fill the pages of this journal with your own adventures.
May every morning bring with it inspirations that you will transcribe.
Always here
Your Burning Star

Closing the box, I placed the note card in my pocket. I then entered their home. It was a very sterile place ― just like Zeke, nothing personal anywhere; a very modern and antiseptically decorated ― non-decorated living space. There was a nice kitchen, living room with a very modern entertainment system including three different gaming systems (I assumed). There were two bedrooms, each with their own bathrooms and walk in closets. There was yet another bathroom off the kitchen near what was a pantry of sorts plus laundry. The console or what was the console was in the office. It was now a personal computer with a plasma television for a screen...which was showing all portions of the property, including the main house, all entrances to the property including the shoreline pathway; which was how I saw Joel and his Mother coming back towards her new home. I exited the Sims’ new home, taking my things with me. Who knows maybe I would still have a taste for that life sometime. (The toys and whatnot would be put away, the book I would keep and put to good use)
Upon arriving back at my door I could feel the now so familiar buzzing. It was Joel.
“Miss. Mace...Ms. Sims wants to go to her former home to get some things. She says there is no need of movers...only bringing her personal things and Joys’ too.”
“Really? I would have thought the place needed something...more.”
“Oh, believe me her personal things is more. It will take me and the guys all afternoon to box it all up!”
“Joel ― Tell her that is the point! I am calling the movers and directing them as to how this is to work. They will meet you there within an hour. Have things in piles of where to go ...either to here and what room or to the shop or to donate...they will take it from there.”
“I understand Miss; this will be done as you wish. Shall I just drop her off and return?”
“Yes, after she is set...I will let the movers know that I will have a similar set of things here at my place once they are here. Make sure your Mom knows she may remove anything from either place that is not to her liking”
“I will...I will Miss...Anything else?”
“No Joel that will do...for now.”
I hung up and went straight to work, sorting and re-sorting things from every room in my home. There were plenty more items that stung with memories that I no longer wanted in the forefront of my brain. Some I placed directly in the trunk, others needed to just be boxed and removed and stored (all of which I would someday be able to get rid of all the way). But there was so much...stuff, here. All of it seemed so frivolous and without meaning; it could even been called gaudy in the light of this new life I was trying to start. In the end only the basic items would be kept. That was all that was really needed to be happy...right?
I kept all books, mine, HIS and those HE had given me. It was not the books fault where they came from. And these were the classic reads that all should know. They were more than a memory of HIM; they were a part of my being. The kitchen was to say the least top of the line; it was stocked to the brim with gadgets and other things. (I was sure someday I would have use for...right?). I stopped and I texted to Joel that I needed some empty boxes. He was still there when the movers arrived. He was in the midst (as he had texted back) of instructing the movers as to my wishes (their boss) as well as how to handle his mother. Ms. Sims had requested all of her things to be donated, as they were not worth much. (Silly lady, she will have good things) I just shook my head at the information. Then I realized, she too was in need of a new start, a new beginning, unblemished...just like her new home.
When Joel arrived back at my place I had finished my sorting of things no longer wanted or needed. He could not help but notice the massive piles of things. They were everywhere, each assigned a location with a piece of paper attached that was each piles inventory and destination order.
“Well...Miss. Mace...You have been very busy...and efficient too.”
“Yes, well ... old habits die hard and this time around it was much easier to let go. I am going with the notion that less is more.”
“You have definitely hit the less right on the nose. So what are you going to do with all the empty spaces everywhere?
He was pointing to all the empty shelves, empty curio cabinets (mostly). The place really did need...decorating.
“I guess I will have to re-decorate. Guess I have something to do.”
I smiled sheepishly, which in turn made him smile in spite of him trying so hard to be professional.
“I will scatter books here and there, maybe even put a vase or two here and there; some cabinets will go into storage in the studio unless your mom has need of them.”
I must have been giving direction to the air. He looked at me like ... am I supposed to be writing this all down? We both laughed, a good cleansing type laugh, and then got to boxing up the piles. The last pile was called the return to sender pile, which was to be stored right alongside the truck for someday...to be returned.
The sun was just showing the colors it would paint the sky with when the announcement that the movers were at the gate came through the intercom system.
I checked to be sure, and then let them in. We headed their way to greet the group and to welcome Joy and Ms. Sims to their new home. As we got close enough it was clear Ms. Sims was an old pro at giving direction. The movers were all snapping right to their tasks as they were given. Even Joy was having fun directing where to place her things.
“I think ...Miss. Mace they are at ease with their surroundings.”
He was smiling. They were quite the sight, bossing locals around that they normally would have never done before. The looks on the movers’ faces sealed that deal. I was smiling just as much. I went towards Ms. Sims to greet her and to meet Joy.
“So ladies...it looks like you have this all well in hand.”
“Yes Miss. Mace...I would like to introduce you to my Lil’ Joy...”
She looked up at me with those eyes and I melted right on the spot. She had no idea the power she could have over me...did she?
“Hello...mam...nice to meet you.”
“It is Mace, do call me Mace, especially here at home.”
“But...Miss...” (Joel looked truly confused)
“Okay here we go guys...as far as I am concerned on the property we family...if that is alright. I just need to know by what name you would like to be called...Ms. Sims.”
“Well...uuhhmm...Mace....I guess by my given name...no I do so hate that name...oohhh I do not know...” (Joel spoke up)
“Mace, I call her mom, as does Joy...maybe it is only you that need a name to call our mother...”
“So grown you are speaking Joel...I do like your way of thinking. So let us discover what special name is you, the new you...”
“Grace...my good friends call me Grace”
“That is beautiful and so fitting, you do remind me of an old world star a Miss Kelly, but not as old as she. Just very graceful and direct.”
“Yes...Mace, it seems friends have always come to the same conclusion about me and my grace under pressure.”
With that she turned and further directed the movers along in their tasks. Joy was not left out; she had things to do in her room. I commandeered a couple of the movers to come to the main house to retrieve and move the boxes we had prepared for them. Joel would move the one to the attic for me. Everything was going just perfectly...my phone buzzed...Joel.
“Miss...Uuhhmmm ...Mace, Joy is requesting you join the family for dinner ... (whispering) she does not understand privacy...”
“By all means, and let’s do this right a real celebration. Call the pizza place, order up the works, oh and invite the boys that helped us out, as well as anyone Grace or Joy deem worthy.”
“AWESOMESAUCE” was all I heard then some screaming that was not understandable. I had been on speakerphone and that was Joys’ response and her answer to anything she deemed super-sized great. Soon the patio/pool area was bustling with life. Grace had not invited anyone, and neither had Joy. I noted this; maybe we were more alike than I had thought.

Chapter 17...Saying NO again
The next few day were filled with Ms. Sims groaning about the lack of good decent people in the area. She was unable to find anyone to fill her staffing needs, and my privacy needs. She had almost given up hope in ever finding anyone approvable, but one day on one of her trips to town she ran into an old co-worker of hers. They had worked for the same employer a few years back, whom was also a very private person.
She proceeded to tell het all about her new position, she may have just been boasting to the one person she was sure would understand how good they had things now. She all of a sudden got the best idea; at least she thought it was. Her co-worker/friend would be perfect. So she grabbed her phone and found the questions I had given her. I had five questions that the applicant must answer yes to before I was willing to take the interview process any further. (The background checks, credit checks, etc...) These questions were as follows:
Do you have an open availability with no previous or future commitments to anyone?
Do you live locally...within thirty minutes travel?
Can you give me 100% loyalty in all matters?
Can you abstain from social media while in my employ?
Will you sign a binding non-disclosure agreement?

Everyone Grace had even tried to talk to was either not interested in working under her or they could not give me more than three yeses to my questions. But this lady, she had a fast 5/5 and was eager to join our little family. She also had suggested we talk to her cousin about the yard work ― her cousin that recently moved in with her. He was already doing work for the upper crust folk in the area (as she called them).
I met with her and her cousin (he also was a 5/5). Their checks came back pristine. I was content with offering each of them a place on Grace’s staff. They looked like souls in need of better futures. But Lillian (Lilly) and Thomas (Smithy) Smith did not look like their names. But who does today, most have eccentric names made up by their far too young parents to match up with Jones or Williams.
I did leave explicit orders; the main house was off limits to all. No one may enter (that does not reside there) without MY permission...every time. This was also acceptable to all concerned. Lilly and Smithy went straight to work, as they lived nearby and could get in a few hours before they went home. Lilly (from what Grace said) had saved her pennies until she could buy her little trailer (she had been in the states since she was a young girl) on an acre. It was about ten miles out of town. Her cousin recently moved in with her, Grace was unsure why he had no one else, just that the two of them only had one another. (At least this matches their oh so American names with their south of the border looks)
Joel had been busy today running errands on my behalf. I needed to get the accounts all set up...just in case I happened to take a trip or two. Joy was making use of her new found free time. Now that she was privately tutored she had a lot of extra time or her chosen electives. Grace had Lilly and Smithy quite busy still; so that left it to just me and her.
“So Grace, your friend Lilly is quite a gem. And her cousin is so accommodating when it comes to the landscape designing.”
“Is there something you need Mace?”
“No...Well, maybe (I pulled out a fresh stick) I am going for a walk, want to join me?”
“Sounds... and looks like a good plan.”
I giggled to myself as we started for the pathway.
“So, I take it you only partake when your kids is not near?”
“Kids? Oh yes, Joel and Joy. To tell you the truth Mace...”
“By all means, Grace...the truth is usually best.”
“I have shorted his supply...ever since he was big enough to have his own. I guess it was payback for every pinch he gave my stash.”
“Oh...guess the apple and all...”
“Surprise! Mace, I have partaken, smogged, fogged, just good ol’ smoked for decades.”
“Then we should not waste a second of our time...hold on, you never even looked twice at that stick I put out, matter of fact neither did Joel.”
“Yeah...we have an understanding...I do not say anything to him and he does not wave it in my face.”
“Gotcha...no worries here, guess I will just be smoking more if the both of you cannot smoke together...he is an adult mama bear...”
“We shall see...”
Laughing at each other and with each other we went further down the path out of eyesight (not out of camera view). We walked, smoked and chatted about nothing really just anything, until my phone buzzed in.
“Miss. Mace, Joel here. All of the accounts are set. I have the final papers ready for your signature, I may witness for you on the accounts that I am not named in, but you would still have to come in town for those that do. So the lawyer suggests you come to town, or he may come to you and bring his paralegal to witness everything. (Also a notary) And...He has something...from HIM...what shall I do?”
“First Joel you must breathe... that was quite the mouthful. Yes by all means have the lawyer come here with his aide. And bring the package.”
“The package Miss...It is a person.”
“A...person?”
“Yes Miss...Maybe I should leave it behind till we...can talk...”
The PERSON in question answered the not asked question loud enough for me to hear.
“I AM A MESSENGER ROM THY MASTER. ONLY I MAY GIVE THEE THE MESSAGE.”
“Uuhhmm...Miss. Mace?”
“Have my lawyer escort the messenger as well, and he will be held liable. YOU need to be here first...So LEAVE NOW JOEL!”
I was so getting frazzled. I was coming apart at the seams. Why could HE not just let me go? HE sent me out into the world. HE started this...But I WILL FINISH IT! I buzzed Grace, telling her what was transpiring and to keep everyone away from the house until further notice, not even Joy. She assured me the Smith’s had already left for home and that Joy was bust starting in on her color wall (an art deco designed stencil that took up a wall in her room) now that it was completed and ready for her bright visions (neon markers). I also told her to not expect us for dinner that evening, which had become the usual those first days. She understood, letting me know there would be amble leftovers available. She was ever the mama bear, and our Grace.
When Joel arrived, making it in less than fifteen minutes, he was alone but they were not far behind him.
“I swear Miss...I tried my best...I did not know that Lawyer dude could drive like that.”
“I would put money on the messenger being the driver.”
The gate buzzed in. I let them in. Joel went out to meet and greet, as well as direct them all to the patio. None would enter my home.
“They await you on the patio... Miss. Mace ... is you ready?
“Sorry... Yes, lets’ get this done and over with.”
We went to the patio. Joel handed me all of the papers that needed my attention, the aide witnessed all signatures. The papers simply gave those that had a need to access of household accounts, access without needing my signature. I handed the lawyer written instructions. These detailed the line of succession, so to speak; who to talk to first and so on dependent on whether I was away and if Joel was with me. I would never be caught unawares again. I should have been called the moment that messenger arrived. He read it all and simply nodded in agreement. I then turned my attention to the messenger.
“Now as for you...”
The messenger stepped forward, as if in the military or something. He handed me an envelope, which was the too familiar paper stock, HIS. I opened it, reading it to myself.
My Dearest Mace,
After lengthy discussions. It is very apparent you want nothing more to do with me. I am pleased that you kept that sweet cottage estate. I am however disappointed you severed all ties. I worry over you always. And will leave you my messenger, as your new body guard. But I am sure you will send him away as you did everything else. But know this; I WILL NOT BE BLINDED AGAIN, I WILL ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF MINE. May we one day find us meeting as friends once more. Enclosed are instructions for the guard, dependent on your actions.
Always,
T
I tore open the instructions...I knew what it would say. The guar was to stay regardless of my answer/action; he would simply stay out of sight. Guess I was hiring my own security team after all.
“NO! NO FUCKING WAY! Joel ...Escort this messenger or guard back to town and bring the guys back, I need security until I get bigger security. You... (I was pointing at the lawyer) are dismissed.”
The messenger or whatever he was, reached for his phone.
“Tell the S.O.B. that I said NO and it will be a hardline NO for a long time to come! Send no more minions or there will be charges!”
I glanced at the lawyer, he again simply nodded. As I shut the door I screamed, a loud window cracking blood curdling gut wrenching scream. This was all just too much and all too fast. How can one person take all of this? I buzzed Grace.
“Yes, Miss?”
“Just needed to hear a nice voice. Are you two okay?”
“Yes, Miss, we are just fine. Now I just got a text and he is rid of the package and gathering the boys. So you need to lock up, and just let my Lil’ man be ... he has always know how to protect his family. Now get upstairs and relax, he will return soon”
I did as I was told; guess old habits do die hard. I closed up everything, checked it all twice, set the codes and went upstairs. I can remember prepping sticks, I think it was a few and I know I had grabbed at least three bottles; but the last thing I remember doing is lighting another stick and opening what must have been a second bottle of Moscato; because the rest is all flashy and jumbled visions...of Joel?

Chapter 18...Personal Assistant or more?
I opened my eyes and groggily denied the images going through my head as a very strange dream. There was no way that that actually happened. I would never – no - I couldn’t have. It was then that I could hear this happy noise coming at me. It was too loud and way to damned happy, especially with this wine-over I was nursing. Then I hear the banging of pans, it was transforming into cooking sounds which were now assaulting my ears. I did not even bother with a shower, going towards the awful sounds, dressed simply in a very long t-shirt. Whose was this shirt? I really did not need this, not now.
When I stormed into the kitchen, it was just too much, I could not help it; I started laughing hysterically. Joel was in pajamas, I guess, and was happily singing and dancing along with this obnoxious sounding teenager from his phone, that was docked into the house system. No wonder it was so freaking loud! He came at me, smiling like the cat that had eaten the canary, circling me, dancing his jig of happiness I guess. His youthfulness still had me laughing at him, all though not near as hard.
“Good! Morning! Mace!”
He practically had to scream at me, the sound level was still set to deafening. I gave him the sternest look I could muster and then I pointed to my ears and head, which was now stroking out via the beats from the nauseating tune that was assaulting my senses. He obviously had no clue.
“TURN…THAT…CRAP…OFF!”
He ran to the system and shut it off. That felt much better inside my skull.
“So sorry, I was just …oh I don’t know…”
“Joel, it will be fine. A wine-over just doesn’t work well with that much happy…it was just too much for me.”
“Sorry…again.”
He turned back to his mess of pans and began to serve up two overly large plates of food. He had made maple glazed bacon, eggs Florentine with the hollandaise sauce, and there were bagels toasted with cream cheese and fresh berries on top. Plus there was what had to be fresh squeezed orange juice; I had oranges in the pantry but not the juice that I could remember. There was copious amounts of very strong coffee, cream barley changed the color of it.
“So are the boys coming to eat this feast you have made or do you always eat this much in the morning?”
“My Momma always said breakfast was the most important meal of the day.”
“Just coffee for me please, I cannot even imagine eating any food at this point.”
He looked so crestfallen, like I had just said the worst thing possible. I guess I should try to eat.
“…Well, maybe I should eat something, you did go to all this trouble.”
I pointed to my now destroyed kitchen. He grinned. I had to keep telling myself that he was only twenty one and still a kid after all, a babe in comparison, a Lil’ man. As I picked at my eggs; I was definitely not used to eating this early or after drinking so much.
“So Joel, tell me…what on earth has you so damned chipper and up bouncing this fine ass morning?”
I was smiling at him, as I poked fun at him.
“Are you serious Mace? You did mean everything you said to me last night…right? I should have known…never mind…just…whatever…”
“Okay, I am obviously a few steps behind this morning. Can we just eat this gorgeous meal and then you can tell me what stupid shit I have done now.”
He just sat there staring at me, or through me, I wasn’t sure. But I was far too freaking old for this shit and not in the mood for it either.
“Well, if you are going to pout, I am taking my plate of goodness out to the alcove.”
“Yes, Mam.”
Fuck this. That was enough for me. I stood, gathered everything I wanted to nibble on and went to find some peace. As I walked away, I turned to him…
“DO…NOT…FOLLOW.”
I was not about to deal with an impetuous child in a man’s body, was I?
I spent the rest of what was left of the morning and into the early afternoon, alone. I used my insisted upon solitude to try and put my head back together. I even tried like hell to recall what I had said the night before. Finally I just went back to my room to dress for whatever was left of the day. It was during the long hot shower that it all came rushing back to me. It was no wonder he looked like I had just killed his puppy with my bare hands. That was no dream I had ha, it was a really sick and sloppy overflowing with emotion evening of confessions and promises of a future…with Joel. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING, rather had I been thinking. I had to apologize, and try like hell to make things right.
After cleaning up the remnants of what looked like my own version of wine-a-palooza; I had obviously hosted in my room, I headed back downstairs. There was an eerie silence to the house. I went out to the alcove first to retrieve the dishes I had left there, to take to the still destroyed kitchen. He was nowhere to be seen. So I took some of my frustrations out on the mess, cleaning up after the child he was acting like. I then went to his suite, no answer. I opened the door, no Joel. Praying to whatever was listening, I buzzed Grace.
“Yes, Miss Mace, what can I do for you?”
“So businesslike Grace, did I really fuck things up that badly?”
“Lines were crossed Miss…but…”
“Where is he?”
“Miss…he left…”
“Left! Where did he go?”
“After crying his eyes out, which I am not very happy with you for causing. He mentioned needing his own space to think…to think about his job, and you and him.”
“I am so sorry Grace, this is entirely my fault. I should have sent him away…but I was …oh hell I don’t remember what I was thinking when he got there…where do you think he is?”
“He isn’t far; he would never go too far away. He is blowing off steam with those boys of his. He took them home. I hope that is okay with you? He will do his thinking, then come home to me to discuss what conclusions h has come up with.”
I did not know what to say, especially to her, a mother that did everything in her power for her family.
“Miss…you still there?”
“Yes, yes I am still here, please…call me…when he returns, please.”
“I will, mam.”
I disconnected our connection.
“I sure know how to keep drama front and center!”
There I go again, talking to myself.
There was nothing I could do, but wait for him to come back. I
But I had to do something, constructive…didn’t I? I grabbed my laptop and began some research into security help. But the more I looked, the more I found that it would be near impossible to ever have any kind of actual privacy, especially with more strangers on the property. I needed more than the present system of cameras’ and alarms. I thought about guard dogs, but that was a fast no, not with Joy on the property. She could get bitten and that was not going to happen. This was not going very well. I thought about it for a long time and came up with a decision. The threats I had made to HIM, and the assuredness I had in my lawyer to follow through should be enough security. Plus there was always Smithy, he could do some kind of security…no that won’t do. If need be I was almost willing to hire thugs to patrol the perimeter of the property 24/7…was I?
Spending the rest of this day alone showed me one thing for sure, I really needed time; time to be me and to re-discover what I really wanted from my life. Now the trick would be to explain this to Joel and not lose him. I needed his friendship, to be my right hand in all of this…but nothing more, at least not right now.

Chapter 19… Decisions
By the time I finished all of the mundane chores that I could fine to do, I was famished. As I was finding something to cure the vast emptiness that had enveloped my stomach, I decided right then and there that I knew what I needed. Only I could truly make myself happy. It would never be found in the carnal desires that could be fulfilled by another being. I hurriedly made something to eat. I then went to locate anything that I could use to begin the new and improved life I now knew was what I had always desired.
It was early evening when the intercom buzzed.
“Yes…”
“Miss, it is Grace. May I come up to the house to speak to you?”
“Sure…are you able to find your way in the dark? Or are you being escorted?”
“Miss, I am fine on my own. But if that is your way of asking…yes he has returned.”
“Oh…well…uhhmmm…Yes please do come up to the house. Tea?”
“That would be lovely. Miss. I will be there in a few minutes.”
I scurried around the house as quick as I could. I did not need her to see the shambles I was leaving everywhere in the house, as I was in my life. Just as I made it to the kitchen, to put the kettle on. She arrived at the door.
“Please, come in Grace.”
“Thank you, Miss.”
“The water is on, it will be just a few minutes. We can go out to the alcove and still hear the whistle when it is ready.”
As we walked through the house, I felt her become more and more uneasy. As if she were going somewhere she was dreading. This was definitely going to be a heavy ass conversation. I excused myself to go get the Brandy and a couple of glasses for after the tea and cookies. I saw a twinkle in her eye when I returned, she needed this liquid courage as much as I did.
“Tea or straight to it Grace?”
“Miss…I think we should at least start with some tea…but then…”
“Oh, I understand. We will be very cordial and get the business at hand over and done, then we ladies will relax.”
“Very good Miss.”
And, so we did. We drank our tea, ate some cookies, and discussed her life, her sons’ life and my life. This led to a full pot of tea being drank. Somewhere along the way brandy was added to the tea cups, and then there was a couple caviar sticks {from the private-private stash} to the mix. I am not sure when we went to full on Brandy, but it was very late when we stopped talking long enough to hear the intercom buzzing and someone knocking at the door simultaneously.
“Grace, you get the intercom and I will get the door.”
“Yes, Miss.”
As I was getting to the door, I could hear her side of the conversation.
“What do you mean I’m in trouble…who does he think he is?”
I opened the door, knowing who was on the other side.
“Hello, Joel. What pray tell can we do for you this evening?”
“MY MOTHER…Please.”
“Oh Grace….It’s for you.”
“Thank you, Miss…We will be taking this outside.”
With that, she snatched him by the ear, as if he were still a real Lil’ man, and proceeded to go into the yard for their discussion. Grace nor Joel returned to the house that evening. Joy however did buzz me and filled me in on how much trouble Joel was in and that Grace said they would both see me in the morning. At least I knew things were being handled. In the morning things would change for the better, hopefully he will understand that it is all for the best.

Chapter 20…Transitions
I slept like a baby, well that’s how the saying goes. I slept straight through till my alarm went off at seven in the morning. Babies as far as I could remember never did that. Feeling an extra oomph in my step, I decided to go out for a short walk before having coffee. The scenery was so peaceful and enchanting. I felt the same feelings I had felt many years ago when we {HE & I} found this place. I had always loved it here. The physical connection I receive, the recharging it gives me. This is what I have needed since my arrival, to reconnect with the earth, here in this place.
No more worrying about HIM, or Joel, or anyone for that matter. Things would be done my way, simply because this will be the only way. If those I have chosen to be in my circle do not fir the new definitions. Then they can go about their respective ways and carry on with their lives, elsewhere. I had walked/ran further than I had intended too, the newfound zest for life had taken over. My pedometer read four, almost five miles. Time to turn around and head back home…my home.
When I arrived home, Joel and Grace were already there waiting, outside
; Which was strange enough by itself, but a good thing.
“Come on inside you two. Make yourselves at home…coffee, whatever. I’m going to take a much needed shower, quickly. Then we can begin.”
I walked away before either could make any rebuttal, my way after all.
Upon returning from one of my fastest showers on record, I found them on the patio near the pool. He was being told to “Man Up!” by his mother, not a very pretty picture.
“Now, now, Grace. Lil’ Man is a man, just hasn’t gotten his hard knocks of life just yet.”
“Excuse me, but…”
Graces’ laughter caught him off guard, and cut off his speech.
“Come on, the both of you. We are about to break your Golden Rule and all three of us are going to smoke and chill the fuck out. Ka-pesh?”
“Yes, Miss Mace.”
“Yes Mace.”
A couple rounds of the smoke circle and their reactivity as far as how they were treating one another were much calmer. So I spoke first.
“Now, I think a nightly smoke down is called for between yous two. Ah fuck! Now I am sounding like the townsfolk. “
Grace answered first.
“Well, I for one would welcome you to my inner circle.”
“C’mon, what are you two trying to pull. Smoke together. I have been smoking with you, well kind of, for years. I took your weed, you’d skank on mine when you found it. That’s true togetherness, sharing at its’ finest.”
We were all in a better mindset.
“Okay you two, I really need to get back to the business at hand, and set things to right.”
I proceeded to go over all of the new job descriptions, one for each and every employee, including them. There was also a new detailed description of what and when things in the main house were to be attended to. Lily and Smithy’s actual identities were not going to be an issue, not with me. They were after all Graces’ family; which was good enough for me.
“Now onto the worst of it…Joel…We are not a couple, and I do not see it in our future. But as I have always said before things just happen. But in the foreseeable future we will be platonic and professional. You will still have your quarters in the main house. But you will be residing in the studio…make it your own space.”
“Mace, really I don’t want or need the studio. I am more than comfortable staying with Mom and Joy.”
“Really? You do not want a space of your own?”
“Joy is my space. I need to be there. Is that okay with you, Mom?”
“Well now you are going to make this old lady start weeping, my child’s all grown up…finally.”
“Well, then that’s the plan, we can leave the studio open for another time.” I reached for another stick to seal the deal, and Grace said no and requested a raincheck. She headed for the door.
“Well Mace, this is where we always go wrong. I will be heading out as well.”
“Alright, we can change things around later. “
We all went to our places, content with the outcome. Before I lost the thoughts I was having I wrote myself a list.
Return things, the chest too
Redo house, paint & décor…main level, guest room into project room, office into a real office with “den” furniture
Remove all items. Start fresh and new. Clean start!
Reconnect with family, help those I can.
Enjoy life daily!!!
Write it all down.
Not sure which I would accomplish first. But this was my list of what I wanted to do. I closed my eyes for a moment. I could feel my life renewing itself. I was back this time. I needed to find a way to stay this time. I think Star said it to me once…In the morning I would begin and be able to put the pieces in order.

Chapter 21…That was fast
Knock…Knock…
“What… do… you want?”
“Mace, what should we start on? It is getting late.”
“Oh c’mon! How late can it be, I just closed my eyes for a moment. What time…oh my fucking…is it really 3 o’clock already?”
“Yes, it is. We have already filled the pantries, I cannot believe you didn’t hear us. Arrangements have been made for your medicine, which I can pick up tomorrow when I am in town replenishing the liquid refreshments. Do you want anything else from your list to begin today?”
“My list? Oh no, um yes, no I mean no, not from your list. Thankyou.”
“Did you make another list?”
“I did but that is more personal, thank you Joel, you are too good to me.”
“Okay, Mace, how bout we get the other items in the house completed tomorrow?”
“Thank you so much, send everyone home and thank them as well.”
Yes, Mace. Oh Mother says she prepped dinner, it is in the fridge, Bake for 30 at 375℉, heck you know what to do…have a good evening.”
“Thanks Joel. I guess I am more exhausted than I thought.”
I heard him leave. I stumbled to the bathroom, maybe a hot soak would do me some good. An hour later, I emerged a new person, fresh and ready. As I re-dressed for the rest of what was left of this crazy day, I decided to get HIS things organized. I could stage furniture on the patio, at least the pieces I could move alone. I quickly checked the forecast, good dry for a couple more days. At least the furniture won’t get ruined. I spent the rest of the day and evening sorting things into piles of stay, go and even a trash pile too. My piece of paradise was going to be just that mine. A funny thought ran through my head…I’m giving back or getting rid of all these things because they were from HIM…but this estate is from HIM too…am I being a brat or greedy, do I deserve to keep this place , should I give it back and really start over…
I didn’t need to make all of these decisions tonight. My stomach was telling me loud and clear that it was time to start dinner. I went to the kitchen to retrieve what Grace had prepped for me and found a nice child bottle of wine to go with it, she was so good to me. The timer went off just as I was pouring a second glass. Geez it smelled so good. I opened the oven and the gooey blend of pasta, cheese, and alfredo looked amazing. I could smell the spinach and artichokes, and a mix of seafood too.
As I sat down in the alcove with a large dish of heaven, my phone rang.
“Yes…”
“Well, if you are not going to be cordial when you answer…”
I looked at the id on the phone, I didn’t recognize the digits.
“Sorry, whom am I speaking too? It has been a tough few days.”
“It’s me…your Lil’ man”
It was Joel and he was drunk! What the hell is he thinking? I thought we had this all decided and under control.
“Joel, where are you? Joel…answer me!!!”
“I’m here…in the studio… I think.”
“I will be right there... {With reinforcements}”
I was pretty sure he did not comprehend that I was getting his mother. I called Grace and filled her in on his condition. We met on the path to the studio. She was sparking one, which I was thankful for, I was running low. We walked a little slower so we could talk on the way.
“What is wrong with him? I thought we had this all understood, and that it as for the best?”
“As his mom I should be nice, but fuck it…he is a grown ass man that is girly as hell when it comes to sex…a real oophy boy…all I love you after one romp in the hay!”
“Ah, that makes more sense. Please tell me I’m not the first one since his baby mama.”
“No, no. But he was head over heels for each and every one.”
Grace almost choked, she was laughing so hard while she was inhaling.
“Phew…I was about to turn tail and run home.”
“You are home Miss, this is all your home.”
She and I choked a little more as she and I were still laughing, talking and smoking. We stopped just outside of view from the studio so we could finish. Grace asked me to let her deal with him alone. There was no reason to beat up his ego any further. I agreed that it would be for the best and headed back to my place. I had left piles all over the place, so much was changing. It was time to start fresh and new.
The next few days were filled with movers coming and going as they removed and replaced items throughout the estate. There were also plenty of people helping to do the actual people to help do the actual heavy lifting and packing. There were contractors for painting and redesigning of some of the spaces. My grand design of what I have felt and seen in my heart was coming true, a bohemian, free flowing space to rejuvenate the spirit. Parts of my soul were finally coming to life in full color.
The final part of this transition into a person I will love and respect was to draft a letter to HIM. One that would not only sever our ties emotionally, spiritually, but to also explain to him what he did for me as well as to me. It would also detail my expectations going forward, and what the repercussions would be if violated.

Mr. T, if that is even your true initial…

I am writing to you without remorse or any semblance of guilt for the things I have done, especially most recently. You changed me during our time and not always for the better, let alone for my best.
You may have begun it all those years ago to try and save me; instead you actually took away my soul and who I truly was in order to be your plaything. I never wanted to leave and disappear from my family and those that truly cared for me. But you made that my reality, it always seemed they didn’t care, but I never knew the truth of it all.
You have always claimed Love was your driving force, that you loved those in your circle and that was why you had to keep us safe, but in reality, you owned me, you sold me to others and then tried to be the savior for your own pleasure.
You even “granted” my escape from your clutches, yet you still held the strings. You needed to keep control no matter how far I went.
Yes, I accepted the gifts you lid out for my future, I am not a stupid lady, just naive, and rather I was. That is no longer true. I have severed your control over me. Your gifts will be returned to you, well not all of them. As I said, I am not stupid. Some things will be kept, as I feel I have earned them. The ownership of items has changed to remove you 100% from everything.
I will give your attorney’s a contact person with whom all correspondence will be handled.
I assure you that it will be impossible for you to reach me ever again. You and your ways have been ripped from my persona and will never be allowed to sully any life I hold dear.
I am now my own MASTER. I answer to no one. Especially not a man, never again.
I have reclaimed my life. I am and forevermore will be happy, in spite of you.
Nevermore Yours,
Marcela Cooper

I had not signed that name in forever. Was it even legally still my name? HE could have changed it. I will have to look into that as well. But would I go by that name now? Or would I stick with Mace? Heck I could change it completely to something new and scrub Mace from existence completely. This was snowballing. It was too much for my brain to assimilate all at once. I left the letter hanging in digital space, awaiting to be printed and sent off. I needed to rest and then see how it read after I digested it fully. I decided a full night’s sleep, unencumbered by any medicine or alcohol was in order. A clear mind for tomorrow’s adventure.

Chapter 22…Who/What am I now?
The scars of abuse are there, right under the surface Awaiting to be turned into a reaction to a situation that may or may not warrant the response given. These are defenses that will be there for an eternity. Time they say heals all wounds, this is a falsity. Only those that have been injured can determine what, how, why and when they will or can heal. Learning to love oneself is key to being able to thrive in all situations. Being able to grow past the transgressions of the past, the mistakes made in response, survival; one can love themselves ... a process that is ever in a state of progress ... one step at a time, just not always forward.
It was a dreary day. For some reason I could not get past this foreboding feeling. Something hurt deep inside, but what was it? Was someone in my family in an accident? Did something happen to Joy? Almost on cue Grace was calling me.
“Mace, dear. Mace, are you there?”
“Yes Grace, I am here, I was just in another space and time, there’s something wrong somewhere. What can I do for you this morning?”
“You, uuhhmm, have a visitor.”
“And they are there with you, waiting, who is it Grace?”
“It is…uuhhmmm, Miss…Miss Star.”
“”WHAT!? I will be right there, do not let her out of your sight. She is NOT allowed to go anywhere on this state!”
I really cannot catch a fucking break. What the actual fuck! Why Now? What do I need to do to end this? OH, that’s right, I haven’t actually ended things, just changed them. That letter was not even printed yet. But maybe the lawyers have already made contact. Damn they are good and efficient if they have. I was getting too worked up. I was feeling everything all at once, again. I was mad as hell, hurt, confused, even crazed. But when I finally saw her face everything changed, and fast. She looked broken, on the inside. What had HE done to her now? Grace was still consoling her. Had she been crying, no way, not Star? The sniffling and tissues said she had been.
“I’m here now Grace, thank you I will take it from here. Why don’t you and Joy go up to my place for a change of pace?”
“Okay, Miss. It really was no trouble. It is what Mama’s do. We will see you both up at the main house soon or later today?”
Star looked up at her and threw her arms around her neck, hugging her, thanking her for being there for her. What the hell is going on? Star stood up as Grace was collecting Joy and leaving. She then straightened herself, like she needed courage, and then handed me an envelope.
“This will explain it all. It will tell you everything. I am so sorry for everything, for any part I held in this travesty we called our life. But please, no questions until you have read it all.”
“So cryptic Star, why the fuck can he not just go away and leave me forever to my peace?”
She literally feel apart before my eyes.
And I ran. Ran from her, HIM, from it all. I knew that something that I had felt was HIM, he was the rift I had felt. Why was he still able to affect me like this? Is was like I could feel him prodding me with a hot poker, to do it all HIS way. When I came to a stop I was somewhere on the path that ran along the property. I still had the envelope in my hand. I took a deep breath. I opened it.

Dearest Mace,

Ever since they told me, I have tried to write it all down, so I could tell you, but I was a coward.
There was a very good reason for me forcing your departure from me. I wanted, I needed to ensure your survival. In my mind, if you hated me enough; it would be the fuel you would need to be reborn.
Honestly, I thought I was rescuing you. I never wanted to hurt you more than you had already been by those you loved. Alas, I was not the knight in shining armor I thought I was. I changed you, molded you into My Mace, and threw Marcella away. I should not have. I should have helped you find your own answers.
I also did not want to become the burden that I was soon to become. My hired staff would be more than sufficient in taking physical care of things. Thank you for sending Zeke back to me and for sending Star back as well. Their love and care has seen me through. Do not fear for their futures, I have taken care of all of my staff, they will want for nothing.
I was dying Mace. Correction, if you’re reading this, I have died, I am so sorry to do this to you again My Mace.
Knowing you have become the force you were always destined to be has given me so much pleasure in these my final days. I wish for you to find your peace and flourish in the love and happiness you so deserve. I am content knowing that you will be content with how things ended, you’re needed closure. You are ever my little survivor. You will go further in life than you ever have dreamt.
Whether you want it or not Mace, for legal reasons, Marcella Cooper are my sole beneficiary. You are the sole heir to all that I owned, the entirety of my estate after the legal fees and payments I have ordered. Do with it all what you see fit. My final wish is that your deepest desires always be fulfilled.
As I always promised.
Forever your Loving Servant, T\

Post Script.
Please try not to be too mean to Star, she had no idea of my illness until you sent her back to me. Did you realize all you needed to do was to ask her to stay with you and she would have never returned? She has loved you for a long time, truly. Sorry for that. But you really needed to know the truth of it. She will never say it, at least not aloud.
I don’t even know how many times I read and reread it. Me? I’m HIS beneficiary. Me? Star loved me. HE is dead. Really? WHAT THE FUCK!
“Yep, some pretty heavy shit”
Joy had come to find me after she overheard Star telling Grace what had just transpired.
“Wooh. You swear now?”
“Oh, c’mon, you know my fam, don’t ya? My first word was probably fuck.”
Joy started laughing, which got me out of my haze. I couldn’t help it but laugh alongside of her.”
“You sure are a Godsend young lady.”
“That’s what I’ve been told. Oh and I’m supposed to tell you that the lady….Star has left. She told us to tell you “in another life”. Is that her way of saying goodbye? You city folk sure are confusing as all hell.”
“First, enough with the swearing. And second, yes, she is a complicated lady. But it is more likely it is her way of telling me to F OFF!”
Joy and I started laughing again.
“So, you okay to come back yet? Or should I wait for you? Grams said who ever found you was not to return without you.”
“Sure Hun, give me a few more minutes, then we can go back.”
“Oh, sure, I know what that means, get comfortable buttercup it’s going to be a long one.”
“No, No, I’m good. Fine, let’s just go. I can sulk in my house.”
Joy snickered.
Grace saw us coming. She came at me with those arms awaiting, man I missed hugs like that. Hell I need one right then.
“You alright, Miss?”
“I will be. How’s Star?”
“Angry, hurt, guess that man left her quite a letter… just like you it seems.”
“Actually, HE’s dead Grace. I’m FREE! I don’t mean to sound happy, but…”
“You are allowed to feeling anything you need to feel.”
“I have a lot of crud, physical and mental to sort through. I think I will be just fine. I was ready to end, this is just so…final.”
Grace had a confused look on her face. So I handed her the envelope, and with some coaxing she read it. I think it took her aback, maybe to a dark place from her own past. But she recovered quickly enough. I had so much to do, both here and back in the city. Those lawyers are going to get a work out. There was so much that could come from this travesty I called my life. Now was the time to make up for lost time, fix some lives if possible, and to live my life, my way.

…Fast Forward

The dreams of having a home filled with love, smiles and laughter have come to fruition. My happiness has been found within myself and with others that I now hold near and dear to my heart. Life may not always live up to the world’s expectations ― but accomplishing the goals YOU set forth for you will elevate you beyond success, and to a place of fulfillment

There will always be missing pieces to the jig saw puzzle of life, and those spaces will forever be open to those that belong there, and fit just right.

My wish is that you all will find the blessings in life that you deserve and need. Never give up on the one blessing in life that will never leave you....yourself.