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The first taste of nicotine that hits his lungs immediately starts to ease the trembling in his hands. William doesn’t even care about the dirty looks that the parents send him; for the first time that day, he feels something close to relaxed, and he’s not about to give this up. He’s not even that close to the playground, really- their stupid kids aren’t anywhere near his smoke, so there’s no reason for them to be glaring at him like that. He ignores them, and leans back against the trunk of the tree, blowing out a thin stream of smoke into the air. He takes another drag, and feels something closer to normal.
“You know, you’re really not supposed to smoke here.”
He looks up at the voice, and finds a girl his age standing just a foot or two away from him. There’s a dark bruise around her eye, and her stomach is noticeably round. It’s actually the first thing that he notices, because she has to be somewhere in her second trimester; he gets the feeling that she gets that often, this stare, because she only raises an eyebrow at him.
“And?” he asks, voice hoarse. He takes another drag of his cigarette, and taps off the ashes into the grass. After a long moment, she gives a shrug, and sits down on the ground next to him. She pulls her legs up with a bit of effort, and then she settles against the trunk as well, far enough to give him space, but close enough that it’s clear that she intends to continue their conversation.
“That’s fair,” she says, and for a few moments after that, they sit in silence, looking at the children as they play and scream and cheer. Eventually, he feels her eyes on him as he breathes his cigarette in again, and he glances over. “Let me try?”
“Should you be smoking if you’re pregnant?” he asks, but it’s not like he really cares. It’s one of those things that he just feels like he should be saying. You shouldn’t smoke if you’re pregnant. You shouldn’t share cigarettes with a stranger. Cigarettes are bad. But really, he gets the feeling that they both know that, and so he taps off the ashes again before handing it off to her. She takes the cigarette between her fingers, takes a drag, and breathes it out, frowning as she hands it back to him.
“That was terrible,” she says, very simply.
William raises an eyebrow at her, then shrugs, bringing the cigarette back up to his lips. “It isn’t for everyone, I guess.”
“But they’re for you?” she asks, and at his nod, she gives a hum, leaning her head back against the tree. “Why?”
William frowns, leaning his wrists across his bent knees. “...it makes me feel calmer, I guess. Less… unstable. It’s a good distraction.”
She gives a snort. “What? Daddy hitting you?” His brows furrow, and he shoots her a dirty glance, one that she only laughs at. “Relax. Takes one to know one.”
That makes him pause. He looks at the bruise around her eye again, and then to the baby bump on her stomach, and it doesn’t take much to put two and two together. She seems comfortable enough letting him make his own conclusions, because she continues looking at the children, rubbing idly at her stomach.
“Why’s your daddy hit you?” she asks. If it weren’t for the way she phrased it, like she didn’t expect an answer and wouldn’t have pushed for one, he would’ve ignored her. But, he’s feeling a little loose-lipped tonight, and it’s not like telling a stranger will really matter in the end.
“Probably ‘cause I’m gay,” he says. William ignores her side-eye, and the laugh that comes soon afterwards.
“And how well is that working out for you?” she asks, amused.
“About as well as you’d think,” William says, rubbing at the bruise along his cheekbone before returning to his cigarette again.
“As well as getting knocked up and walked out on?” she asks, sardonically.
“That what happened to you?” he asks, turning to look at her.
“Since we’re in the business of sharing secrets today, yeah,” she says. She wraps both arms around her stomach, and sighs. “Friend I was fuckin’ around with. Sure, we knew I might get pregnant- well, I thought we knew that. Guess he didn’t, because he left ‘soon as he heard. Somethin’ about wanting to find the right girl.”
“Looking for true love?” William asks, tone heavy with sarcasm.
“He did believe in that kinda thing.” She gives a chuckle.
Another pause of quiet, and because William finds himself enjoying talking to her, he asks, “Are you?”
“What, looking for true love?” she asks, and at his nod, she laughs again. “Yeah, sure. People like us don’t get things like that.”
William goes quiet for a long moment, idly sucking on his cigarette as it starts to die out. She’s right, really; it goes deeper than his dad beating him for kissing boys. He knows that no matter where he goes, no matter who he sees, he’ll always get that look of mild disgust once they find out, once they see him. People like him don’t find love in a world like this, and they definitely don’t get to keep it if they ever get lucky. Girls like her, well… they get left alone, with a baby they’d never expected, and with no one to help take care of it.
The dirty looks that parents send their way aren’t just about the cigarettes.
“You ever wish you could prove them wrong?” William asks. The cigarette burns out, and so he drops it onto the ground, tossing some dirt over it.
The girl looks at him, then back at the people on the playground. “Always.”
“How would you do it?”
“I’d…” She trails off, like she’s thinking. William doesn’t pry, and eventually she continues. “I’d marry a good, respectable guy. I’d get a job, and a house, and I’d raise my kid. And I’d do it better than my parents did.”
That surprises William. “...you would?”
“I would,” she says, firmly. “That’s why I’m keeping him. I’ll be better than my parents were. I’ll raise him right.”
“Yeah?” His hand twitches for another cigarette. “I think I could get behind that.”
“Then do it,” she says, suddenly. She straightens up and turns around to face him, eyes bright. “Raise him with me.”
“Me?” William asks, stunned. “Why me?”
“Who else is going to understand this?” she demands. “What we’ve been through, what we want? Let’s prove them wrong, together.”
William blinks, then breathes out a laugh. “I don’t even know your name.”
“Clara. Clara Schmidt.”
“I’m William,” he says, slowly. “William Afton.” Am I crazy?
“Afton,” she repeats, like she’s testing the word out. After a second, Clara smiles. He finds that he likes it. “Clara Afton. Let’s get married.”
“I’m gay,” he points out.
“I know.”
“So, no kissing.”
“I know.”
“And no sex.”
“I know.”
“I’m probably going to cheat on you.”
“I know, William,” she says, laughing. “We’re not marrying for love.”
“Then what are we marrying for?” he asks, because yes, he is insane, and yes, he is considering this.
“A chance to be better,” she tells him. And he believes her. “To prove them wrong.”
He sits in silence for a moment, and she must take that as an agreement, which is fair, because it is, if he's honest with himself. He probably won’t ever find another man to be with, and even if he did, he’d never be allowed to marry him. Maybe, with Clara, with this bright-eyed girl with dreams for the future, he can have a chance to live a normal life. A wife, a kid, a job and a home. It’s more than he has now, and… if he’s honest, he wants it. Even if he doesn’t love her, and even if she doesn’t love them. Maybe this can be their chance, their way to live like everyone else.
“I’m not going to college,” she says, rubbing her chin. “Are you?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Got a scholarship and everything.”
“You’re smart?” she asks, looking up at him.
“Very, apparently.”
“Then you’ll go to school,” she decides. “And I’ll get a job, I’ll work. And you’ll return the favor for me, right?”
“Sure.” It’s a better plan than what he had, which was to eventually die when his dad got drunk and angry enough to finally bump him off.
“Then let’s do it.” Clara pulls a pen out of her pocket, licks the tip, and grabs his arm, pulling it over to her. He watches as she writes down a number, finishing off by writing her name beneath it, as if somehow he’d forget that. “If you’re serious, call me.”
He watches idly as she stands up from the ground, dusting dirt off of her pants and straightening herself out. She gives him a wave, and then retreats back towards a path in the woods that he’d never seen before. He watches her go, and as he pulls out another cigarette, he thinks that she’s, quite possibly, the most odd girl that he’s ever met.
William takes his time enjoying his cigarette. He’ll probably have to stop smoking, soon, if he wants to keep the baby safe.