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Narcissa sat in her library when the tapping of an owl at the window pulled her from her thoughts. She recognised her sister's owl and eagerly let it in, slowly taking the letter from the small barn owl,as he had pecked her once or twice before. She opened the letter carefully, noting her sister’s elegant scrawl lining the parchment and began to read.
My dearest Cissy
You are always telling me I am too closed off and never let you inside. That I hide my feelings from you, and so today I take your advice. So this letter is a look into what has been pre occupying my thoughts today.
My life has been one big secret after another, interlaced with moments of freedom. The first and foremost, I'm sure you yourself can remember. My first big secret was the love of my life. Dear Ted, but before him I hid who I was from all but you and Bella.
We lived in our own little bubble of happiness. I recall our first broom flight, our first crushes and how we would stay up late into the night, talking about how we would fall in love and live happily ever after with the man of our dreams. I remember the first night we stole father’s firewhisky and got drop dead drunk together.
I remember his reaction too. I remember hiding myself, and you too. Bella took the fall for us once again and so it began. I would hide myself and show the person everyone wanted me to be. To mother and father, the perfect pureblood daughter, to you and Bella, the idealist sister. But beneath all that I was unhappy. I gave my heart to my family and was thrown away as if I meant nothing. And so I left, left with what I thought was my happy ending.
I found Ted and he became my new dream. I gave him my heart, traded your love for his. We were happy, we got drunk and danced and laughed. And we were in love, in bliss. Until his life was taken from me. My heart was broken once again, but it was ok. I could live with it, because I had my lovely daughter. She deserved a happy mother, her family was broken and I didnt want her to experience the heartbreak of losing everything, so I stayed and carried on. I showed her happiness and perseverance, when all I wanted was to break and fall and never get up.
She was my light, and once he was gone I only had her. Her, and eventually Teddy. He so resembled his grandfather and reminded me everyday what I had lost. When the battle took us by surprise, I watched in horror as my baby left her own with me, her strong mother. I watched her leave, my heart breaking once more. But I had to hold on. He needed me and she would too, when she returned. But she never did. My heart broke once more.
How was I to continue, I didn't even know if there was anything of me left to give to him. The final part of my family. The only member to still need me, until he didn't. Young Teddy who reminded me of his joyful and mischievous mother, but had his grandfather's soft eyes. I watched him grow and become a man, I gave him all I had left. He left this year, started his own family and left me here. Just as every other family I have had has left me. Alone. Once again.
And now I cannot recognise my face. I know who I was. Who I was for each of them, and who I was for you. I gave them everything. My heart, my life, my happiness. I gave it to you too. But each one has broken me a little more with each heartbreak.
And so I will write to you. You want to know what I feel. I feel lost. They are all gone and those that are not, live their own lives unaware of my pain. You don't recognise me and neither does he. The face you saw when you were mine is not the face I wear now.
I no longer know how to feel. I am numb. There is nothing here for me anymore. I'm tired. So tired and all I see around me are others making the same mistake I made. They give their hearts away with a smile, as if nothing will ever change and their hearts will remain intact. But mine has proven that it is a mistake. Hearts break and everything changes eventually.
So I say to you my dearest Cissy.
It's time for me to go because I don't want you to see what I have become. I don't want to feel like I'm not myself anymore. I want to give my heart freely and be with my love. I want to hold my daughter close and hear her laugh. I want to see her smile as my love holds me tight to his chest and tucks my head under his chin.
I love you
Narcissa threw the parchment down and ran. Ran as if the hounds of hell were on her tail. She grabbed the floo powder and landed hard on her knees in Andromeda’s hallway. Her knees were bleeding and raw but she barely felt the pain as she turned for the stairs. She ascended them and threw the door to Andromeda’s bedroom open. The room was empty. She turned and ran for the bedroom next door. Empty too. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her adrenaline levels were making her hands shake as her panic began to build. She ran from the room back down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her eyes scanned every nook and cranny. The backdoor was open. She ran outside, her breath creating clouds in the cold evening air.
Andromeda was sitting on the swinging chair under the biggest tree in the open space. Narcissa ran and landed before her sister on her skinned knees, uncaring of the dirt ruining her robes. She took her sister’s hands and felt the tackiness on her fingers. The cuts were deep and still silently wept red. Narcissa looked up at Andromeda with silent tears coursing down her cheeks.
“Andy?”
Andromeda merely shook her head sadly as Narcissa silently healed her cuts and drew her into her arms.
“I’ve got you. You're not alone this time.”