Chapter Text
Sara knew she had to face it. She must ask one question that could change the course of her relationship with her girlfriend of three years. No matter how hard it is or how the outcome would be.
"If you ask her that and she answers yes, what's your plan?" Yoimiya asked as they are sitting inside their favorite bar.
"Give her what she wants. Give her what makes her happy" Sara took the shot of whatever cocktail her friend ordered. "Am I making the right decision?"
"Nobody knows. But if you think and feel this is the right thing then whatever the outcome is, you need to move forward" Yoimiya tapped her shoulder as she orders another round of drinks.
She should do this so she could move forward.
Sitting on the couch inside the apartment she shares with her girlfriend, Sara can feel all the walls closing on her as she felt a touch on her hand.
The love of her life, Miko, settled herself comfortably beside her after finishing the last of her meetings today.
"Do you still...love her?" Sara wanted to take those words back as soon as she voiced it out.
"Sara, are we talking about my past with Ei again?" Miko frowned as she moves away from her.
Three years of being together, and Sara knew how Miko's body tense. Just like the first time she introduced her business client to her few months ago.
"It's a small world. Imagine you know Ei. How did you two met?"
"Remember that ex-girlfriend that ghosted me?"
"Yeah?"
"It was Ei"
"Oh."
"It's all in the past now. I have you. And Ei seems to be doing well now"
"Are you okay with it?"
"Even if I'm not, what would you do? Give up on your client?" Miko smirked while shaking her head "You've been trying to prove to your father your worth to replace his position. Your deal with her company will give you a good spotlight"
"I can always find another--"
"Don't think about it, love. Ei is just someone who made me happy once. She left without saying goodbye but now I have you" Miko kissed her lips as an assurance of her words.
And Sara believed her. But she knew that kiss was different. It was the first time Sara felt the hesitation with Miko's lips. She tried to bury that feeling but from that point she knew something changed. She chose to ignore it. She loves Miko afterall.
"Last week after your talk with Ei--"
"I told you it was a closure" Miko's tone sounded desperate to convince her. But Sara knew what lies behind it.
"Is it really?" She holds her hand to keep her calm. "Or did you realize something else"
"Sara..." Miko's voice is pleading.
Perhaps she didn't want to face it as well, Sara thought. Somehow it gave her a false comfort that this could end well. That tempted her to stop this topic and leave it be, but she knows it will only make herself a fool.
"I won't be mad at you. I just need you to be honest"
"W-why?" Miko's voice breaks
"I told you before, I just want you to be happy." Sara took a deep breath "So, do you still love Ei?"
Miko didn't answer. Instead, there are tears falling from her eyes that Sara immediately wiped. Right then she knew the answer. Or she knew it all along, but this is the only time she acknowledged it. She’d hope that Miko would answer differently.
What do they say about it? The most painful part of allowing yourself to be sad over a person is that they are the ones who made you happy. Miko made her happy. Hell, she made her realize what happiness is really like.
And now her tears in silence made her realize how she can hurt her the most.
"I'm sorry" she pulls Sara in an embrace "She asked me if we could be together again...but I didn't answer her because... I'm so confused to what I'm feeling. I don't want to hurt you".
But she already did.
"Shhh... it's fine" Sara lied but she can easily say it just so she could stop Miko from crying.
Sara thought that this is what her friend, Ayaka, once told her about love.
She gathered her friends for a drink to share the news of her new-found love.
"Miko and I have started dating" she declared, earning cheers from Thoma and Yoimiya while Ayaka simply smiled at her.
"Finally! I hate seeing you two pinning each other" it was Thoma.
"I'm happy for you" Ayaka clink their glasses
"Our friend here wouldn't die bitchless" Yoimiya interjected making her stare daggers at her friend.
"Are you ready to be hurt though?" Ayaka asked making her stop from smiling.
"Miko wouldn't hurt me... at least not intentionally I supposed"
"I'm not saying she will hurt you… not now, at least" Ayaka said with a low tone meant to soften the words she will say next "Loving someone is allowing them to hurt you."
For a moment it made her stop to contemplate her friend’s words. Miko could hurt her and she’ll probably still love her.
"Come on, Ayaka! Don't spoil the fun. Let our friend here enjoy the thing called love" Thoma poured more liquor in their glasses.
"Right. Let's celebrate for our friend!" Ayaka cheered and the topic was quickly dropped.
How Sara wished she heed those words early on. Maybe it wouldn't hurt this much now.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt saying these next words to Miko.
"Let's break up, Miko" that made her soon to be ex-lover abruptly pull away from her.
"Sara... I was just confused--"
"It means there's something left in your heart for her. We can't continue this relationship if I share your heart with others" Sara brought Miko's soft hands to her lips. "I wish to hold you tighter but that would be unfair to you. If our relationship holds you back from feeling things you should feel then we have to let it go"
There was a silence between them again. Silence to let them both contemplate what entails her words. Silence that stretch for so long to let Miko decide.
"You know that what I feel for you is love, right?" Miko embraced her again.
"I know..." she replied as she let Miko hold her longer.
"I'll miss you, Sara" they held each other until they both lay down on the couch.
"I only wish for you to be happy" Sara kissed her forehead like sealing a promise.
She held Miko's body closer to hers. Savoring the last moment of their relationship she once thought would last a lifetime. How naive she can be? This must be one of the reasons why her father would always say that she shouldn’t prioritize love. If she just focused on becoming the Kujou heiress, she would never feel this way. But then, she’d probably chose this path again and again if it means meeting Miko. She’d chose to experience that moment of happiness than experiencing nothing at all.
By the first light of the day, Sara has packed all the necessary things she has in the apartment. Leaving Miko a simple goodbye note and saying she can dispose all her things however she wants it.
She looks at Miko's sleeping form on the couch that made Sara's heart break all over again. She imagines how Miko would stare blankly at something the moment she wakes up. She imagines how she would groan for Sara's name once she realized she's not beside her. Like she would always do.
Her heart aches as she imagines how they are supposed to spend this Saturday. It aches to think that she will have to unlearn things she does with Miko. It hurts more to realize that she must unlearn loving Miko starting today.
One last look at Miko and she is tempted to kiss her forehead goodbye. To at least hear Miko's voice probably for the last time. But she can't do those proper goodbyes. Because as they would always say, the hardest thing to say goodbye to are the ones you never want to end.
Probably someday, when her heart doesn’t beat for Miko anymore, she can finally say a proper goodbye to her.
Or maybe, someday, they'll find their way back to each other again. But Sara knows it's a wishful thinking.
And so, with one final look and a teardrop for her former lover, she left the apartment. Stepping away from Yae Miko's life with hopes that it will make her happy.