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As a kid, Felix would impatiently wait for the month September to arrive. It's just when the muggy heat and heavy rain of the previous summer months begin to dwindle. Autumn gradually taking hold, peppering the city with the reminiscent of dreamy sunsets in gold and crimson. The sound of the leaves crunching beneath his candy red sneakers. He would then take a Sharpie and circle the date 15th on the calendar that hung on their kitchen's wall.
It is a ceremony, the blowing of candles, the cutting of cake, the mess of buttercream, sponge and strawberries in his mouth, which leaves an aftertaste too sweet, Felix loves it. However, there was nothing he anticipated more than making a wish. He doesn't remember in sequence, the things he would ask for. He only recalls those he wanted the most.
"Did you get me a present yet?" Felix asked, laying down on the grass next to Chan. He looked over to him, Felix was panting from running around with Hyunjin and his new puppy. His cheeks were flushed, a dozen of freckles decorating them. Chan stared a beat too long, to notice the way his long strands of blonde hair fell against the lush green.
Just like waterfall, he thought to himself. If Chan found it endearing, he didn't let Felix know.
"Hyung?" said Felix, trying to get Chan's attention on him–devoid of the fact that it had been on him since as long as Chan could remember.
"No," said Chan and watched Felix's brows slightly knit together in disappointment, a small pout beginning to form at his mouth. A sight that tugged at his heart, "but I will, soon."
Chan assured him with a nod. And, at his word Felix's face automatically lit up, smiling brightly at Chan. His excitement barely contained.
"Felix! Bangchan hyung! He's doing it!" Hyunjin's voice echoed in amusement from a little further. Pororo, his two months old golden retriever was spinning at his command. Felix had immediately jumped on his feet and ran all the way towards Hyunjin and Pororo, skipping happily in his candy red sneakers.
If you asked Chan what was his favourite color? Red, he would tell you in a heartbeat. If you asked him how did he develop a liking to it? He would only smile.
"Wait for me!" he called behind a giggling Felix chasing after Hyunjin and his puppy. Their silhouettes dancing against the September sunset. The sky indulged in a stunning interplay of colors; red, gold, pink and purple.
Felix loved baking his birthday cake with his mum. They used Strawberry as a primary ingredient. It always went like this: Strawberries in the cake batter, buttercream frosting, Strawberries atop the cake.
A birthday tradition.
"He has a crush on your hyung," Hyunjin whispered into Felix's ear as they watched the interaction between their friend Jisung and Felix's older brother Minho unravel, with utmost interest. Felix and Hyunjin were sprawled out on Felix's living room couch, the only furniture which was not pushed out of its original position.
What was once a living room of his house was now renovated into a beautiful birthday setting– courtesy to his Minho hyung. The windows were covered with long mint curtains, adorned with sequin strips and fairy lights. Pastel accent ribbon banners hovered above their heads. Gold confetti metallic balloons were on the floor, the rug barely visible due to its access amount. He remembers it all too well.
The exchange of words between Jisung and Minho never failed to crack Felix and Hyunjin up. It was mostly because Minho seemed to be the only one using actual words while their friend would stare at him with wide eyes and blink frequently in response.
"You look nice, Han," Minho said with a smile. Jisung had just blinked at him.
"Are you going to sleep over like Hyunjin?"
He blinked and blinked, mouth opening without a single word coming out.
"I-I might," Jisung finally managed to stutter an answer.
"I'm glad." Minho smiled brightly at him. Jisung's neck had turned a deep shade of red now, matching the ones that covered his ears and tinted his cheeks.
When Jisung joined them on the couch, Felix and Hyunjin couldn't contain themselves from snickering uncontrollably. "Oh, shut up," Jisung sighed in annoyance but joined them anyway.
Felix recalls this birthday because he was twelve and his eyes had been trained at the door the whole time.
Felix teared open Hyunjin's present first. It was wrapped in a dark blue paper, stars drawn over them with a gold sharpie. There's something large and flat inside, he thought to himself. It was a frame, gold in colour. He looked at it, a fond smile slowly dawning his delicate features as he processed what he was holding in his hands. It was a portrait of himself and Hyunjin, filled in with watercolors. The details were painted in such precision, he could count his own freckles and tell apart their individual shapes. Felix surged forward and pulled Hyunjin into a hug, "Thankyou, it's beautiful." Hyunjin hugged him back, patting his hair in an attempt to soothe a very overwhelmed Felix. Next was Jisung, he had bought Felix a candy red hoodie with cat ears on the hood. To match your candy red sneakers, he told him. How adorable.
While blowing out the candle, Felix had made his wish, a skateboard. He had closed his eyes shut in concentration, picturing the one he had seen in the shop window, the one with neon green wheels.
He was hopeful but not for long. As he sat there among the litter of torn wrapping paper and new possessions, he had felt it. He had deeply felt its absence.
That's when the door flew open, revealing a smiling Chan. His fingers clutching around what was supposed to be Felix's present. It was poorly wrapped, but the latter's smile turned impossibly brighter at the sight of it. It worked on Felix's favour because he could just easily make out the familiar outline of the deck and neon green peeking out.
"Happy Birthday, Lix."
The year Felix turned sixteen wasn't sweet. He recalls all the bitter trips to the hospital.
Chan's mum had gotten a cardiac arrest before falling into a deep coma. He remembers his Channie hyung desperately clawing at the door handle, trying to slide it aside when the doctors didn't let him inside.
"Hyung!" Felix cried, tears running down his own cheeks, "Channie hyung!"
He had then taken his face between his hands, forcing the older to look at him. The earth shook a little, "Felix, my mum," Chan said in between his sobs. It shook a little more.
Felix held out his arms and Chan was cracked porcelain.
He wiped Chan's tears with the back of his sleeve, "She will be alright, I promise."
"It's not much but, here." Chan held out his palm and on it sat a dry cupcake with a sad looking taper candle on top. He had pulled it out from the vending machine of the hospital. Felix felt his heart swell. They were in the waiting area. Chan's dad had tried his best persuading him to come back home for the night, Chan didn't budge. He refused to leave his mum's side and Felix couldn't bring himself to leave his.
"It's the thought that counts, right?" Chan said looking at the boy infront of him. Felix opened his mouth but no words came out. His hair looked fluffier than ever, blonde strands tangled and falling into his large brown eyes that looked like stars glowing against the dim light the candle offered. He closed his eyes and blew out the candle, all he wanted was for his Channie hyung's mother to be okay again.
He had seen through all their sneaky smiles and Jisung's bad whispering skill, from the night before. It was like they just decided to believe he wouldn't remember his own birthday. His friends were terrible at planning surprise parties, Felix could even bet his life on it when he found a rather nervous looking Chan at his front door.
"Happy Birthday, Lix. I'm taking you to the amusement park. Let's go." His voice sounded way too rehearsed for a casual birthday outing. Chan could never keep anything from him and his friends specifically chose Him to create a distraction. Smart move, he thought sacarstically. He wasn't disappointed though, the way Chan had smiled at him, made his heart hammer all the way up to his eardrums.
"I need a minute to change, hyung."
"Why? You already look good."
Clearly nervous.
"I'm in my pyjamas."
"Yes, but it's the one with little bears on them. I love this one." The tips of Felix's ears turned pink and his stomach did a weird flip.
"I'll be right back."
When he returned he was wearing a white polo neck underneath an oversized baby blue plaid sweater which was half tucked into his dark colored jeans.
"You look nice."
Twice in a row.
Felix's heart was flipping like crazy. The way he felt studied under Chan's gaze was making him so flustered.
Chan knew just how contagious Felix's laugh was.
"SO CLOSE!" Felix yelled as he extended his hand trying to grab Chan's but failed. They were riding the swing carousel while Felix had made it his personal mission to try and hold hands. It was impossible. They were rotating too fast and the space between them didn't sum up.
"Try again, hyung," He yelled "don't give up!"
It was a challange but he held out his hand to reach across the younger's outstretched one and this time their fingertips slightly brushed against eachother.
"We did it!" Felix cheered before bursting into a fit of uncontrollable giggles, throwing his head back. It made Chan start to smile wide too. His laugh was too contagious not to.
"I saved the best one for the last," Chan said leading Felix by the hand. They were soon under the Ferris wheel, waiting in a line to board it.
Chan was different today. He had looked at him with the fondest look in his eyes, like he was retracing his steps to remember all the ways to make him smile. He had paid for all their rides. There was something different about his body language too, he was extra gentle, looking for an excuse just to be able to hold his hand. He was also very fidgety, how long had he been nervous like this? Felix was too flustered to pay attention to all these details but once he does, it only takes him a second to realise.
"Hyung?" He said, his heart was melting at the spot, "this isn't just a distraction, is it?"
Chan froze a little.
"This is also a date." Felix felt so incredibly giddy at the thought.
A pause.
"You caught me," Chan finally said, smiling soft and hopeful. His double dimples on full display.
The September sun had already set. Its faint reminiscence lingering on the fading orange and red in the sky. The stars were beginning to emerge one by one. They were at the top of the Ferris wheel, over looking the city, everything looked so perfect from this height.
Felix let out an audible gasp which earned him a chuckle from Chan.
He looked so pretty. His big brown eyes were staring at him. The way light fell so beautifully on his face, Chan had to fight every urge to count the freckles on his eyelids and under his eyes.
"Just in case you were wondering," Felix said slowly, a smile growing on his face, "this is the part where you kiss me."
Chan shifted a little closer, carding away Felix's hair and gently pushing them behind his ear. His hair had grown longer, it went a little past his shoulders at the back. Felix blinked up at him through his long lashes. He cupped Felix's cheeks with both hands and looked at him carefully, "You light up my days, my personal sun," Chan told him in all sincerity before pressing a small kiss at the tip of his nose.
Felix was dazed as it took him a moment to process, he was being attached to a metaphor, he had never heard in his life.
Chan leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his lips. It was chaste and lingering and Felix tasted like a cotton candy slushie.
"Surprise!"
Felix's friends, his older brother and mum had all stood up in synchrony, immediately breaking into their seperate unsynchronized renditions of 'Happy Birthday.'
Hyunjin grabbed him by the wrist pulling him to a seat at the table. Infront of him was a strawberry sponge cake with butter cream frosting.
"Make a wish and blow the candles!"
As he watched the first trickle of melting wax hit the icing, Felix couldn't think of a single damn thing that he wanted–because when he glanced at Chan, he was already staring, sitting there, in the flickering light asking him to make a wish.