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Viktor hadn’t thought you were anything special, at first.
Sure, you had a pleasant face and a matching personality to go with it, but Viktor didn’t typically judge a person on their aesthetics. No, it was the content of their character that Viktor found intriguing, and by the time he realized you weren’t simply intriguing , it was far too late to do anything about it.
The moment was so clear in his mind that if he closed his eyes and thought about it - which he did rather often, these days - he could recount every detail down to the placement of your hair and the angle of the sunlight as it settled over the two of you. If he inhaled, Viktor could almost taste your lingering scent on his tongue as if he was back in that moment.
It had been a silly thing you liked to do in the afternoons, when there was a lull in your own work and you had time between your research. It hadn’t escaped his notice at that time that he was the one you typically sought out, but far be it from him complaining about it. Not when he’d feel so pleasantly warm with just your presence nearby.
That should have been Viktor’s first clue.
There wasn’t usually room for another at his side as he worked, but at your insistence he’d cleared a space and watched with rapt attention as you pulled a stool up and perched with your notebook, ready to write. Viktor hadn’t been on board with this at first - this little activity that you were so keen on doing - but the downward tilt of your eyebrows had been enough to sway him otherwise. Denying you things has always been difficult.
That should have been Viktor’s second clue.
Viktor would dictate his thoughts as he worked, and you would write them down into cohesive notes that he could reference later. He couldn’t deny that it was helpful, especially when it would give him an excuse to speak with you in close quarters. Your thigh was so close to his, Viktor could probably shift the tiniest bit and be pressed up against you.
He doesn’t, but his words catch uncomfortably in his throat when he realizes he wants to . And that’s when it strikes him so suddenly that his entire thought process freezes. As he takes a glance over his shoulder, he’s fallen right into a trap of his own making - one he hadn’t realized he’d been crafting until he was already caught in its jaws.
Beautiful isn’t a word that Viktor uses often - at least not with any real weight. Many things can be considered beautiful, and each for different reasons. But as he takes in the expectant smile on your face and the glow that filtered in through the windows to bathe the two of you in the late-afternoon light, Viktor realizes that the word beautiful doesn’t seem to be high enough of a pedestal for you to rest on.
There’s a million and one words sitting on his tongue, but for the first time in his life, Viktor can’t seem to grasp one of them. It’s a foreign feeling, but somehow welcome . Viktor thought he knew you, knew everything there was to know because you were so forthcoming with information any time he requested it - and even when he hadn’t.
But now, as you tilt your head with a slight bit of confusion and say his name quietly, it’s becoming clearer that there are ways Viktor wishes to know you that haven’t been as obvious as he’d thought.
After you take your leave, Viktor spends most of the night shirking his work in favor of holding his head in his hands and wondering what he was going to do now - because the moment he realized that had happened, it had opened a door that would never be closed. The warmth in his chest wasn’t friendship - far from it - and he’d allowed it to go unchecked until he’d started to singe at the edges.
Despite this new level of awareness about your existence, Viktor makes a promise to himself that evening as he abandons his work and curls in his bed, hands clutched over his heart as he feels its racing thrum beneath his ribs. As much as he’s hit with this sudden yearning to know you in ways that no one else can be allowed, Viktor denies himself.
You’ll only be hurt when he can’t provide what you’re likely looking for - security, stability, attention. All of that he’s woefully short on, managing his priorities and dreams and passions in a way that would always leave you as second-best. It wouldn’t be right to treat you so poorly.
The love you deserved needed to be endless and without question.
If Viktor couldn’t trust himself to give that to you, then what right did he have to be upset when your mood had begun a sharp upward turn that left you smiling throughout the day? You don’t mention a thing until Jayce questioned it, and that’s when you’d shyly made mention of your new relationship.
Viktor turned his hand a bit too hard and stripped the screw he was trying to tighten. If you notice the way he refuses to meet your gaze, you kindly make no note of it - at least, not when you’re waxing poetic about your paramour to Jayce. They seem nice, Viktor forces himself to think those three words as he takes deep, calming breaths.
You have no right , Viktor tells himself as he spends the first afternoon alone in months, You have no right to be bitter. Their heart was never meant for you.
There’s a sick, shameful part of Viktor that wakes up in the morning and festers in his mind - it’s a vile little hope that he’ll enter the lab and you’ll be there despondent , looking for comfort as your relationship somehow ended through the night. Would you come to him, reaching out for an embrace that he’d return before you had the chance to ask for it?
Or could he provide more , an outlet to your sadness and then an opportunity to replace it with something more fulfilling than what you were missing. There’s much that Viktor would like to give to you, and with every passing day that he spends at your side, he realizes that the moment you reach out and take it is the moment he’d be powerless before you.
As if he already wasn’t, even when you weren’t seeking it.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Viktor can’t help but berate his own actions as he leans against the wall of his shower. One of his hands braces against the wall, fingertips white from the pressure of pushing against the tile - and the other is wrapped around his cock with a firm squeeze. The shame is gone in the wake of anticipation and pleasure as he drags his hand along himself.
They would never look at you the same, Viktor’s own mind spits with venom, even as it supplies the very images that had stirred this in the first place. I’ve done this to myself - all I can do is yearn for what I cannot have.
A spiteful part of his heart hisses that if he had been better , it would be your hand pumping his cock instead. That you’d take him on your tongue and taste him, savor everything that was only for you. Viktor’s voice is low as he murmurs your name, eyes falling shut as he tries to imagine the way your eyes would look at him with soft adoration as he pushed himself all the way to your throat.
Viktor’s forehead hits the tiled wall as he leans his weight, knees suddenly weak as he murmurs encouragement to someone who isn’t even there. Gag on my cock, take me as far as you can, my love. Show me that you’re mine.
And you would, he knows it to be true because you’ve always been so good to him. Brushing hair from his forehead, bringing him snacks, fussing over him at every turn - even now, he could imagine you’d lace your hands with his and let him lean on you as he fucks your mouth. You’d do anything he asked, Viktor is sure of it.
Touch yourself for me. Show me how badly you want me to take you. Be good for me again.
And the worst part of it is - as Viktor is groaning your name and putting his full weight against the tile and wishing it was you supporting him - if Viktor could have you here and wanting him in the same ways that he yearned for you, it wouldn’t be heated words of encouragement from his lips as he released into his clenched fist.
You are everything to me, he’d sigh against your skin as he kissed his appreciation for everything that you are, My heart, my passion, my love.
Viktor is mouthing the words, brows furrowed as his shoulders suddenly slump with the combined weight of his exhaustion and his raw, unfiltered feelings.
I am yours. You should have been mine. I was made for you.
“Are you alright?”
Viktor has to stop himself from tacking on the term of endearment he’s begun to refer to you as - secretly, of course. Coveted close to his heart like a secret he should never speak. Yet, he almost does.
You look at him with dark ringed eyes, obviously exhausted but either too proud or too ashamed to mention it. Viktor isn’t sure which - but he notices that something is unsettled and he can tell just by the sight of you that it’s itching beneath your skin. He ventures that question, but isn’t hopeful for an answer.
You offer him a smile so false that Viktor almost feels offended. The tiredness in your eyes doesn’t waver as you turn away, the ghost of something beyond just an ordinary off day is haunting you. With a quiet sigh, he turns around in his chair and assumes that’s the end of it. The day continues as usual, though much quieter - and it isn't a peaceful quiet.
It’s heavy and unsettling, and Viktors nearly ready to take matters into his own hands by the time your weak voice floats across the room.
“They broke up with me last night.”
Viktor’s fingers still, halfway through twisting two wires together. There’s a stone in his gut, settling so deeply that it’s starting to drag him down into the dark pit of his shame.
And it is shame, undoubtedly so, because burning alongside that is an ember of joy that Viktor had long since thought snuffed out. It stings at him as he swallows and turns to look at you, to take in the tilt of your brows and the bite of your lip as you try to keep your eyes from overfilling.
It doesn’t work, and soon enough your cheeks are growing wet from your tears.
Viktor has accepted his lot in life for the most part, understanding his limits and the range of activities he could do. It’s the first time in years that he’s cursed himself with how stiffly he moves. As he struggles to get to his feet with the stiffness after sitting for so long, you’re already crossing the room with quick, short steps.
You stop just an arm’s reach away, and suddenly there’s an insecurity in the line of your shoulders that gives Viktor pause. That has never been there before. You’ve always been open and confident in your actions around him, so what has changed now?
Viktor licks the front of his teeth for a moment, taking in the way you watch him from beneath your lashes. Desperately, his hands itch to reach out and comfort you, to show you that he would not mistreat you so heavily. Instead, he tsks his tongue and takes a tentative step closer, leaning heavier on his cane when his leg protests at the sudden movement.
“A whole year down the drain… for nothing at all,” Your voice cracks near the end, pitching into a whisper that sounds pitifully weak. It’s nothing like your usual cadence, and it chafes at Viktor to no end. Hearing you like this is akin to sandpaper scrubbing at his nerves.
Viktor has spent a detestable amount of time pondering what he’d do in this situation - the things he’d tell you and the ways he would reveal his feelings. It was easy enough in the corners of his mind to imagine taking you in his arms and kissing you until you loved him as much as he did you. But having you in front of him with a face twisted in sadness and your hands slowly reaching out to him, all that goes down the drain.
You close the distance, burying your face in his shoulder and wrapping your arms around his torso. Viktor’s hand lays along your lower back, letting you take what you need instead of selfishly giving you what you did not . No, there’s a time and place, and Viktor at least has the presence of mind to fight through his opportunist nature and be your friend first.
Viktor couldn’t help but feel he was squandering another chance to offer you his heart, but doing so would be incredibly selfish. Cruel, even. Viktor was shrewd, but it didn’t take an astute mind to realize the error it would have been should he strike while this iron is still too hot.
Memories of your scent don’t do you nearly enough justice. The impulse to turn his head and push his nose into your hair is too strong to resist, and he knows you feel the way his entire body relaxes with the gesture. That’s something he refuses to be bashful about, and if you can read between the lines enough to guess the motive, that’s something Viktor is willing to deal with later.
Right now, Viktor finally has you in his embrace and you’re returning it with trembling arms and the warm press of your forehead against his neck. It would be impossible for you to not feel the racing of his pulse, but you stay pressed against him just the same.
“Tell me,” Viktor works up the nerve to speak, to potentially break this moment that you’ve initiated. He has to know what’s been done before he allows himself the chance to hope again, “What happened? What have they done?”
“It was me ,” Your voice is strained, breezing across the hollow of his throat in a way that forces him to suppress a shiver. Viktor barely catches your admission before you continue, “They left because I… couldn’t give them everything.”
“Everything?” Viktor ventures, genuine confusion lacing his tone. Of course, he knows what that would mean in his own context, but if he’s going to be asking for you to do the same, he’d like to at least know what he’s getting into.
“My whole heart, all my thoughts. I can’t give it like they wanted me to.”
Viktor lets his eyes flutter closed, a chill traveling through his veins as he speaks against the top of your head. His heart is trembling in his chest, and he wonders if that’s what is making his breathing so unsteady as he asks, “Why is that? You deserve to love and be loved wholly. Unconditionally. Who else could be deserving of your heart?” but me , he wants to add on the end, but his teeth clack shut.
“I-I don’t… I don’t know if I should say,” Your arms tighten around him at your pause, and Viktor makes the split-second decision to drop the subject if you want him to. To his surprise, and morbid delight, you speak against his neck, “I’m worried you’ll think of me differently.”
“I could never,” Viktor’s tone is almost too sharp, and he takes a moment to smooth it before leaning into you slightly more, “You mean everything to me. There is not a thing you could do, nor a person you could love, that would change that.”
Fingers dig into his back, pressing at the grooves of his spine and the dips of his ribs, and he wonders if you’re looking to pull him apart with how tightly you’re holding him. If that’s what you wished, Viktor knows he’d let you. There isn’t a thing you could ask that he would spurn, even if it meant his own downfall.
Viktor is equally frightened and emboldened by that sudden realization.
There’s a quiet sigh shared between you as your head shifts. If Viktor focuses hard enough, he’s sure he can feel your lips brushing against the sliver of collarbone peeking from his collar. Savoring the moment, Viktor’s eyelids lower and his gaze wanders across the room.
There’s a mirror, one to be used in an upcoming project to bounce concentrated beams of light. It’s angled just enough that he can see himself, and he’s suddenly struck by the profoundness of this moment. If he loses all context, he can almost believe you’re holding yourself against him out of love rather than comfort.
Somehow, he’s satisfied with both, but Viktor had never been able to remain impartial on matters of importance - and this was the most important of all. He watches your lips part as you speak quietly, barely more than an exhale against him.
“It’s always been for you, Viktor.”
“...Am I dreaming?”
It’s not a particularly witty response, but Viktor can’t do anything but let it settle at your feet. The moment stretches between him and yourself, beginning to fray at the edges as you lean back and look up at him with large, watery eyes.
“No… No, you’re not. I’m sorry, Viktor, but I-... You’re everything to me, too. No one else could ever hope to take your place, even if it’s not the one you want.”
“You think I don’t want that?” Viktor’s voice is low, carefully measured to be even and hide the foreign bloom of elation that’s crawling up his throat like the vines in the gardens below, “Truly, you think that I would not give up everything the moment you asked for it? There is not a single request you could make of me that I would deny.”
Viktor’s cane clatters to the floor, and while that means he has to be a bit more heavy-handed with you to keep himself steady, it frees his other hand to hold the back of your head gently. Having you against him feels like his natural state of being, like every piece of his existence was made for the sole purpose of slotting alongside your own in a perfect fit.
“I am devoted to you, don’t you see?” Viktor can’t look away from you, not when your gaze is beginning to match his own. Love blooms across your expression - the tilt of your eyebrows, the softening of your eyes, the little curve of your lips that Viktor is finding more and more impossible to kiss.
And then he does , leaning down enough to slant his lips against your own - you let out the smallest whine in response, and Viktor knows he’s been lost to you utterly.
“I love you.”
Against your lips, Viktor says it simply, like it was the easiest thing in the world. And truly, it was . He’s only been shouting it in his head for nigh on a year now, and it feels like the breaking of a dam as you breathe them back. They’re caught as he smoothly glides his tongue past your parted lips, and they’re sweeter than he ever could have expected.
“Come with me,” Viktor urges, pulling away enough to speak before he’s back at your lips. You nip back at him, a silent acquiescence to his request, and Viktor barely has the presence of mind to retrieve his cane before you’re stumbling off to his apartments.
Is this moving too fast? That’s what Viktor asks as you push him to sit on the bed and begin to unbutton your shirt.
“No. This has been a long time coming, don’t you think?”
“You don’t understand the extent of it, I think,” Viktor’s tone has a bit of cheek as he leans back on his hands and watches you slide your bare yourself to him. The expanse of your skin is mesmerizing, even as it begins to warm under his gaze - Viktor knows he’s staring, but he needs to commit this to memory. There’s still no guarantee this isn’t something his cruel mind has created to torture him while alone in the dark.
“Show me,” You urge quietly, leaning to untuck the tie from his vest. It’s undone quickly, though it doesn’t make breathing any easier for him. His hands feel useless as you methodically undress him piece-by-piece until he’s entirely uncovered before your eyes.
The hunger and longing in your eyes takes his breath away, and he’s not sure it will ever come back. Not if he gets to see this over and over again.
“I want you,” Viktor lets all of his honestly fall free, his voice trembling as your fingertips trail across hip bone. His nerves feel like they’re on high alert, reacting to every one of your movements. As your palm slides down his thigh and back up toward his painfully hard dick, Viktor encourages you further, “I need you. The things-… the things I’ve wanted to do to you, the ways I’ve imagined pleasing you. Tasting you on my lips as you cum, feeling you around my cock.”
Viktor leans forward, feeling a bit bolder with the way your eyes traveled over his length, and he grasps your wrist to guide your hand to it. All shyness is gone as your fingers wrap around him, and he can no longer hold his head up as his forehead drops to your shoulder. You kneel between his legs and work him with your hand - Viktor can’t help but sigh into your ear at the simple pleasure you were providing.
Perhaps it’s not even the motion itself that’s doing it, but the fact that it’s you .
“Please,” Viktor swallows harshly, tongue barely brushing your skin as he wets his lips, “I need more.”
“Tell me,” You urge, and Viktor is far beyond the point of caring for his pride.
“I want to feel your lips on my cock, your tongue against me as I use you selfishly,” Your breath hitches and your pumping of his dick slows, and Viktor knows he’s got you where he wants you, “And then I want to fuck you, slow and deep until the only word you remember is my name: Viktor. Say it for me.”
“ Fuck , Viktor…”
“ Good. Hurry now, I don’t want to wait a second longer to have you.”
To your credit, you don’t waste a single second before your tongue is rolling past your lips to grace his cock in long, languid strokes. Viktor leans back again, arms wobbling as he catches himself to watch you work at him.
And you’re watching back, looking just how he’d envisioned as your tongue swirls around his cock in mindless patterns. Every bob of your head means another inch of his cock is in your mouth, and Viktor finds himself in love with you all over again - perhaps for a slightly different reason than before.
“You’re taking me so well, my love,” Arousal thickens Viktor’s words, and he knows he’ll have to put an end to your actions unless he wants to finish prematurely in your mouth. Still, with a bit of cheek, he urges you a bit more, “You’re just as beautiful as I imagined you’d be with my cock in your mouth. I cannot wait to see how you look with my cock elsewhere.”
Your response is a lingering moan, slightly muffled by your full mouth. Desperately, Viktor wants to watch you swallow his cum, to see the tears running down your cheeks as you gag around him, but he’s forfeited too much time to take him time with this. With gentle hands, he pushes you off his cock and bends down to kiss your forehead, lips moving against your skin with a command.
“Lay on the bed however you’d like me to fuck you. We have plenty of time to try every position you can think of. Every position I’ve been dreaming of.”
Your eyes widen, looking at him with an open mix of hope and giddiness, and then you’re scrambling on the bed and settling on your back. Viktor waits until you’re settled, taking in the way you’re laid open and bare and entirely for him to take. You’re a vision as the late afternoon light brushes over your skin as lovingly as if he were the one to do it.
“This is how you want me to take you?”
“I want to watch you,” Your voice is a quiet admission, and Viktor’s fingers take the place of the sunlight as he settles between your thighs and soothes you with his caresses.
“You read my mind, my love. I’ve been craving the sight of your ecstasy, to watch you come undone around my cock,” Viktor takes himself in hand and lines himself up, watching the pinched expression on your face as he pushes inside. It’s impossibly tight, and the way your face flinches further has him slowing down and easing inside with small, short nudges of his cock.
“You’ll tell me if it’s too much?” Viktor notes that he’s already breathing shortly and he hasn’t even filled you entirely - a testament to how perfect you felt around him, “You’re being so good for me right now, you can do it. Just a bit more for me and then you’ll be full.”
“Ah-! Viktor, it’s too much-”
“You’re already there,” Viktor braces himself against your bent knees, holding himself steady as his hip bones press against your inner thighs. You’re so soft , your skin is so warm that Viktor has to take a moment to marvel at the moment he’s found himself in. This morning he’d been so sure of his future as your friend and nothing more.
“Now, you’re mine ,” Viktor breathes, finishing the thought as he drags his cock from you and relishes the feeling of your clenching walls around him. You reach for him, and he abandons your knees to link his hands with yours and let you provide support directly. Viktor draws closer, searching your face for any hesitation before he snaps his hips forward.
The sharp ache of the movement contrasts with the overwhelming pleasure as you tense around him, and the way you pull your bottom lip between your teeth has him abandoning all pretense of being careful in favor of fucking you, just like he’d yearned for.
“You’re mine,” Viktor repeats, hissing through his teeth as he changes the angle and it’s an entirely new sensation wrapping around his cock - he’s hitting inside of you perfectly, Viktor knows it, and he’s laser-focused on it as he murmurs to you, “You were made for me, and I for you. I cannot let you go, not after this. Do you understand?”
You nod frantically, but that’s not enough for Viktor - not when he so desperately needs to hear the words from your mouth. With a particularly harsh thrust that makes you cry out, Viktor encourages you to keep going, “Your voice isn’t hoarse - not yet, at least. Tell me.”
“I-I’m yours, Viktor!” You gasp it out, voice cracking as you so-obviously near your peak, “I’ve always been yours, I promise-”
Anticipation makes his heartbeat skip, and he can’t help but try to squeeze a bit more out of you, if only for his own satisfaction, “Say you love me. Please .”
“I love you-” You babble, just as you clench impossibly tight around his cock and your back bows toward him. Viktor was already close from what you’d done before, but watching you writhe beneath him with your name on his lips is enough to push him right where he needs to be to spill himself inside of you.
Your whine is like music to his ears as he rocks against you, riding his orgasm out with a hiss between his teeth. Even as he softens inside of you, Viktor grinds until he slips out. Only then does he collapse against you and knock the wind from your chest with his sudden weight.
Neither of you speak - there’s no need to, not when everything important has been said. The rest can come later, after you and Viktor clean each other and meander back to the bed to lay curled together. Viktor watches with bated breath as your fingertips dance in aimless patterns over his skin, dipping across his chest before smoothing over it with an open palm.
The love you deserved needed to be endless and without question, and Viktor decided that he was worthy enough to provide both.