Chapter Text
The door to his hospital room opened and his father stepped in and held it open. Connor saw his dad make a side step and then he saw Jude walk in. Jude looked almost angelic, Connor thought, his friend came in wrapped in a glow of light that seem to blind Connor to anything other than the boy with the slender frame standing in the middle of what seemed like a spotlight. His father step out of the room and closed the door. Jude was standing there just as he always looked; in his over-sized slouchy pullover, hands together, and that smile that always made Connor happy. Jude walked over to the bed, hands still clasped looking at him intently. Connor thought he noticed something about Jude that was different, something in his stance, something in the way he held his head; he seemed more confident and sure of himself. And most of all Connor noticed the way Jude was looking at him, with affection and pride? The smile had not left Connor’s face since the moment Jude appeared in the doorway. The odd feeling stare-down was broken when the blue on Jude’s fingers caught his eye.
“what’s this ?” Asked Connor, as he reached for Jude’s clasped hands.
Connor’s fingers caressed the back of Jude’s hand ever so subtly before he held onto it, wrapping his own larger hand gently around Jude’s so he could examine the blue painted nails, his thumb gently stroking Jude’s fingers.
“War paint” replied Jude with a smile.
Connor nodded in acknowledgement, knowing that blue nail polish was an unspoken symbol of their bond.
It was three hours later when Adam Stevens walked in to his son’s hospital room. The two boys were on the bed, leaned into each other side by side, shoulders almost touching. Connor was beaming and happy, smiling broadly and his arm was raised, finger pointing at the television they were watching. Jude was beaming with a big smile, nodding his agreement to whatever Connor was pointing out. Both of them laughing and joking happily.
“Ok boys, its late, visiting hours are over and Connor… , you need to rest” interrupted Mr. Stevens.
Jude slid off the bed reluctantly and turned to Connor and said
“I guess I should go home now, see you tomorrow?”
They both looked at Mr. Stevens with questioning eyes and when he nodded, they both breathed out in relief. Again they were beaming.
Jude walked pass Connor’s father and just as he went through the door he turned around and said
“Mr. Stevens… thank you” then he left.
Adam talked to Connor for little while. Connor mostly listened. After he said good night to his son and turned to walk away he heard the boy say
“Dad don’t leave…please”.
He turned around to see Connor looking at him with a pained, almost fearful expression on his face. He walked over to the bed with a look of concern wrinkling his brows. Connor scooted over on his bed and motioned him to sit. He paused, then he sat, not really looking at the boy. He felt Connor scoot back over closer to him then he felt Connor wrap his arms around him and bury his face in his shirt. He heard the start of soft sobs and felt his son’s body shake with each one. He looked down to see tears streaming down Connor’s face and then he heard his son speak the words that made his breath stop in his throat and that pierced him through his core like a jagged knife plunged deep.
“Dad, I love you… so much."
"Thanks for letting me see Jude."
" I really like him, Dad”
“I know you don’t understand that and that you’re disappointed by what I told you. But this is how I feel, this is who I am. I don’t want to lie to you or anyone anymore."
"I’m still your Connor, please don’t shut me out”.
In that instant Adam’s mind when back to a time when things were different for them, things were good with Connor’s mother and they were a family. He would come home to this blonde bundle of energy and love, who would run to meet him and latch himself onto his leg like Velcro. He would stumble into the house with the squealing tyke still clinging to his leg. Where did that go, when did that disappear and so fast? When did he become so distant from the boy who now clung to his side as if he was holding on for dear life. The boy who was now sobbing and begging for his father to do nothing more than love him back, love him still. Adam was somewhat relieved that Connor was not seeing the tears well up in his eyes. He hugged the crying boy and kissed the top of his head like he used to when he was little. He thought; what am I doing? I’m his father I’m supposed to protect him. He’s supposed to feel safe with me, feel safe to come to me. Then he said
“Connor, look at me, I’m here son, I’m here. I love you. You ARE mine and that’s never gonna change.”