Chapter Text
There was a shrink once, or a teen counselor... as her parents called the tall, redhead woman... when they made an appointment for their daughter, right after her 16th birthday. It was a period of her life when just a few kooks called themselves her let's say friends and she had literally no one else. Kiara remembered sitting in the boring office, her fingers aimlessly rubbing the gray leather of the couch. The walls were painted beige, and in her eyes, they were nothing more than large expanses of pallid surface. Her lips had remained sewn shut. "Do you even know why you're here?" the woman had asked after another long minute of silence, pen to paper in her lap, glasses on the edge of her nose. And at last, a pen had clicked, and the sound of rustling paper had followed. The sigh of relief had escaped Kie's mouth... she hadn't planned on saying anything anyway.
Kie wasn’t sure why that memory popped up in her brain as she listened to the music that was humming from the laptop in her room. Maybe because the whole shrink thing happened because her parents thought her behavior was absolutely horrible. And inappropriate. And who knew what else. They perhaps weren’t even that far from the truth. Or maybe because it was Friday night and she stayed at home... the situation that never happened during her kook year.
She sighed softly. Still, it was kind of the perfect night. She had the entire house to herself, as her parents were out for the evening, having dinner with a few of her mother's friends, and considering how rarely that was happening, it was the perfect chance to enjoy herself completely.
She was propped against the bunch of pillows on her bed, wearing shorts and JJ's Kildare Island hoodie, when her phone suddenly began to ring. Kie smiled to herself when she leaned forward to pick it up and saw who was calling.
"Hey, you..." she greeted with a quiet sigh.
“Hey, are you alone in the house?” JJ asked her quite bluntly in a low voice that somehow managed to give her shivers even though he was probably at the Chateau, far, far from her house.
“You called just so you could ask that?” she chuckled, playfully rolling her eyes.
"I'm just curious. There's nothing wrong with that." he defended himself with a laugh. The night air was warm and relaxing, but regardless of the heat, she felt goosebumps raising over her skin at the sound of his voice. "You're also creepy." she shot right back, her smile growing wider.
"So?" he asked again, demanding the answer. "You're alone?"
"Yes, I'm alone." she sighed, sinking even further on the bed. "They're out to some dinner. Probably won’t be back until midnight."
"Ohh fancy." he mumbled shortly.
"Is this some way of making sure I’m alone before asking what I’m wearing?" she dared to ask, not being able to stop her teeth sinking down into her lower lip. She could practically hear him smirk over the phone, but what he had prepared to say next made her shudder in surprise.
"Yeah, you know I’ve always loved you in my hoodie." he spoke confidently.
Her heart leaped in her chest, and in the same moment she let out a soft gasp, "Okay... now you're really getting creepy. That was just a wild guess, right? Or you're actually spying on me?"
Then suddenly, she heard a tap on the glass and she shrieked, hopping off the bed. JJ was laughing from over the phone and she spun around to look at the window. "So yeah... you're actually spying on me." she exclaimed firmly. Instantly, as well as totally amused, she dropped her phone and rushed to the window.
For her, it felt kind of unreasonable, why she felt so extremely nervous when she saw him. But not like nervous nervous. It was JJ. There wasn't a reason to be nervous around him. More like... heart-racing, breathing-increasing, anticipation spreading all over her skin nervous. Just because he was actually there, looking at her through the window glass, with a smile on his face. Her heart felt as if it had expanded to a size that was too large to be housed inside her rib cage, but trying to ignore that, she gave him a mischievous smile on what he smirked, "Are you gonna let me in or not?"
"You're such an idiot." she shook her head, still in slight disbelief, as she opened the window and waited for him to climb in. "I have a door, you know? You could've just knocked on them."
"And where's the thrill in that? And anyway, I didn't wanna risk your dad welcoming me with a shotgun." JJ grinned, even though he knew there was some truth in his statement.
"Please, don't even joke about it." she told him firmly, trying not to imagine a certain scene in her head. "I've already imagined scenes like that. They're not pretty."
He couldn't help but to notice how she flinched, as if a brief flicker of pain crossed her face. It was a quick, barely noticeable movement, but he saw it. He didn't bring it up, though. Instead, he tried to make a joke out of it.
"But your father does have a shotgun, right?" he cocked an eyebrow at her with a smirk, before pressing their lips together, without even giving her any chance to answer.
Her parents weren't exactly his biggest fans… obviously, and knowing that, JJ figured that everyone sane enough would’ve thought about it before sneaking into her house. Except the word sane was not exactly a proper word to describe what he was doing at that moment.
To the very contrary, it was insane.
It was insane. The way his hands found her head, framing her face, fingers diving into her dark locks. The way his mouth fused to hers it was insanely passionate, insanely eager. He kissed her in the same insane way his hands roamed over her body, hungry and greedy, and Kie sank into the kiss, lifting her arms and looping them around his shoulders in a tight hug.
Already, JJ was so addicted. He was completely hooked. Just like that. He’d tasted his first hit of a drug a couple of months ago, and now, he just wanted it more and more and more, as much as he could possibly get. As much as he could possibly take.
Her lips were soft, and she tasted like sea salt.
His shoes being kicked off, one by one piece of clothing falling down, and warm, heavy breaths were the only sounds that filled the air. The dark shadows of two people moved together in the soft glow of the small nightstand lamp.
For a couple of minutes, no word hasn't been spoken.
Everything that was coming out of their mouths, it couldn't be actually recognized as coherent words. Heavy gasps, muffled moans, sharp intakes of air... but there were no words.
The eager, longing way Kie was kissing him seemed to excite him even more, and his hands trailed over her body more desperately. It was too much and yet, at the same time, it wasn’t nearly enough.
He fell on the light orange sheets of her bed with a chuckle. He really, really liked her bed. It was so warm. So inviting. And it was hers.
And sitting on top of the two pillows, there was the stuffed seal that he had bought for her a couple of months earlier, before they even got together.
"I’m so glad you’re here." she whispered against his lips as she straddled his legs and sat down on his lap, and her fingers went to the half-zipper of his black fleece pullover. After quickly pulling it down, she gripped the sides of it, and JJ helped her tug it off over his head. Pads of her fingertips run up and down his bare chest and stomach, tracing his abs as she always did before her fingers went to the button of his jeans.
He just smiled and nodded in agreement, his hands cupping her cheeks, his lips needy and assaulting hers. "What time are they coming home? I don't wanna get you..." he somehow managed to gasp out between the heated kisses, but the rest of his sentence was blocked by the amazing, hot sensation of her lips against his.
"Not until midnight, I promise. So no, you won't get me in trouble." she replied quickly, pressing their foreheads together, daring him to actually believe him.
The button of his jeans popped open, and she whimpered at the sound of it, knocking his red cap off and exposing a scalp full of blonde hair.
And he kept kissing her, as he shifted slightly on the bed and both of his hands slid up under her... his hoodie, pushing it up, revealing her lower stomach, her belly button, her breasts currently encased in a black lace bra. Kie raised her arms, letting him pull the sweater completely off. He kissed the side of her throat, lightly sucking and biting on her skin, as his fingers run along one strap of her bra. He sank his teeth into her skin for a second, after what his tongue soothed the red marks his teeth left in their wake.
Slowly, JJ pulled back for a second to take a look at her. Her lips were swollen, her face was flushed, and his stomach clenched at the sight. How many damn nights had he dreamt of her being in this exact place? A fucking million? He had literally lost count. But now, he had her for real. And she was still in his head all the fucking time.
He had memorized every dip, every inch and every contour of her body... but he knew other things too. He knew a bunch of small things about her, more than he knew about anyone else. He knew she took her coffee black but overly… like crazy sugary, he knew that she really hated history classes, he knew that she was nine years old when she got her very first small surfboard, he knew that she did that thing right before she kisses him... where she looks at him for a beat too long... almost like she revels in a moment... He knew her zodiac sign was cancer, but only because she wouldn’t shut up about it, and he knew about her relationship with her parents too… He knew everything...
One of his hands was flat and warm on her bare back, touching her and rubbing her skin in circles, what made her became so impatient and she began grinding her hips down in his lap. Her mouth then fell forward, covering his, kissing him deeply, and his fingers instantly slid up her back, and unclasped her bra.
Together, they brushed the straps from her shoulders and quickly pulled it away from her. He flipped them over, already teetering on the cliff of self-control. Just as every addict ever, he felt like he would go insane if he wasn’t able to have her within a few minutes.
And there was that look in his eyes, intense to the point where his blue eyes literally took a darker shade.
Several guys that had come before him, Kiara couldn’t remember any of them ever looking at her like that.
…
A few hours later, they were lying in silence, except their heavy breathing as they tried to catch hold of themselves. JJ propped himself up on an elbow, resting his head in one of his hands, as the other one traced the line of her collarbone, lightly brushing over her skin. He couldn’t stop looking at her, all sweaty and flushed. And his.
"You know that feeling when you're on the board?" she suddenly spoke in a soft, hushed tone. He wanted to answer, but instead, something made him lean in and slide his arm around her waist, tugging her body closer to his. She smiled and her lips instinctively parted ever so slightly, as if getting ready for the kiss she was sure he was about to give her. Rubbing his hand over her hip, he captured her bottom lip between his teeth for a prolonged moment.
"Like... I don't know..." she muttered against his lips, pulling back just far enough to catch a breath. "When time slows down as you’re riding a wave, and you can't really think about anything else and there's no better feeling and..."
"And the rest of the world just disappears?" JJ cut her off, looking up at her, partly confused because of her sudden question, but kind of amused too. His lips curved into a smirk as she nodded. "Yeah... You know how that feels like?" she asked, as her hand cupped his cheek, her thumbs sweeping over his jaw.
"Sure." he confirmed quietly.
"Somehow..." she extended that one word, swallowing before she continued, "This feels the same way." Suddenly realizing that sounded much better in her head, Kie narrowed her eyebrows, laughing softly, "Oh my God, did that sound corny? That definitely sounded corny."
"It was a little corny." JJ told her with a chuckle, pressing his thumb and index finger together in a gesture. "In a good way, though."
"Sure..." she rolled her eyes, slowly sliding one of her legs along his. "Nice of you for trying to comfort me. It just wasn't really convincing."
JJ grinned, rolling himself onto his back and pulling her with him. She pulled her hair over one shoulder as she remained bent over, keeping their lips to the point of almost touching but not quite. JJ arched his neck, reaching for her mouth and she smiled, giving him just a quick peck.
All of a sudden, one of the floorboards creaked as if someone was in the hallway of the house, and they both tensed, staying still for a couple of seconds and pricking up their ears. But the house stayed quiet. False alarm... was what crossed both of their minds.
Kie's fingers went to his hair, tunneling through the blonde strands, and her mouth opened against his.
His cocky grin once again made an appearance once they separated their lips. "But hey, since you're in the mood... you mind indulging me a bit?"
"What?" Kie chuckled, raising her eyebrows.
"Come on, I had a terrible day at the club." He tilted his head, purposely using his whiny tone.
"You work at the freaking Seabrook Island." she exclaimed matter-of-factly. "The Kooks' favorite place to gossip... so every day at the club... is a terrible day at the club."
"Exactly." he confirmed. "Sooo..."
Smiling, Kie kissed him again. "You know... I really love your lips." she whispered against the same ones she was talking about. "And the way you're kissing me right now." she moaned softly into his mouth as her hands clutched his shoulders. Their lips met again and again, quick pecks turning into stronger unions, and that seemed to give her a stimulus she needed to keep talking.
"And I love your eyes. And the way you look at me. And I love that one particular look that always makes me breathless." she hummed against his mouth, as his hands slowly tunneled through her hair, tugging her closer.
"Oh, really?" he broke the kiss just long enough to catch a breath and let out those few words. "Which look?" he teased, his hands now trailing down her bare back.
"You know very well which look." she told him, suddenly out of breath, as she slowly sat up, her legs on either side of his body. Her palms run along his chest. "And I love how your skin feels underneath my fingers..." she spoke quietly, gently tracing the ridges of his abs. "And I love how warm it is."
Slipping beneath the covers, his warm hands caressed over the smooth skin of her thighs, and Kie leaned down, ready to catch his lips again, when the door of her room swung open with the sound of creaking, and they both came to an abrupt halt.
They turned their heads, just to see the mix of angry and disgusted grimace that was on Anna Carrera's face. "Kiara, what the hell..."
"Oh God!" Kie groaned, both annoyance and mortification within her voice. She scurried off of JJ, grabbing one of the bed sheets and wrapping it around herself as he scrambled up, covering himself as well.
"What the hell you think you're doing?" her mother demanded with fury. Kie actually felt sick to her stomach. Like physically sick. She tried to take a deep breath, her stomach jumping up and down, moments away from emptying its contents. Tears began to sting her eyes, but mostly in anger. "What the hell are you doing? Get out!" she snapped before she could've stopped herself, and both mother and daughter flinched at her words.
"Mrs. Carrera, we…" JJ actually dared to speak in an attempt to calm down the entire situation, but he was swiftly cut off.
"You... put your freaking clothes on and get the hell out of my house." the woman practically roared at him, without even looking at him. The bed uncomfortably shifted as he got up without a word, and keeping the bed sheet wrapped tightly around his waist, JJ quickly gathered his clothes from the floor. He decided it wouldn't be smart to even try to say anything else. There was a sad look on his face, the kind of look where he just wanted to make sure that Kie was okay, and within seconds, he was gone. For some reason, that sorrowful grimace of his instantly got cemented into Kie's brain.
When the door closed behind him, Anna's tone got a bit lower, but the disappointment was still more than evident in her voice. "Are you serious? Did we actually come to this? To the point where I'm not even able to leave my damn house in peace without worrying..."
"Without worrying about what?!" Kie couldn’t help but shout back. "About what?! About me?"
"Kiara..." she started, crossing her arms over her chest, but Anna's words got cut off as the already suffocating tension in the room became even bigger when the door opened again and JJ slowly peaked in, nervously mumbling, "I'm sorry... I uhm, I forgot my..." He pointed to the cap that was still unnoticed on the floor. "I forgot my..." he tried again, but the stern look that he got from a dark haired woman made him bow his head down. Even though, surprisingly, she didn’t say anything, as if she didn’t even acknowledge him standing there. "You know what... never mind. Have a good night..." he mumbled and glanced at Kie one more time before he closed the door again.
"Mom..." Kie tried to come up with something to say, but then Anna took a deep mental breath, and without prolonging it any further, she spoke firmly, "What in the world, should I do... to make you believe that all that matters to me is your well-being and your happiness?"
"My happiness?" Kie widened her eyes.
"Yes, your happiness!" Anna yelled back.
"I am happy." Kie emphasized every word. Anna just stood still, studying her daughter, watching her carefully. "Or at least I'm trying to be, but you... You won't let me." Kie swallowed, feeling more and more uncomfortable. She began looking around the room as if searching for something, but she couldn't place what exactly. Her fingers curled tighter into the sheets she had wrapped around her body.
"Do you really think you'll be happy with him forever?"
Her mother's voice broke her thoughts, drawing back her attention. "How can you be so arrogant... or rather stupid to think that? Do you really think you have some decent future with him?"
"I don't know." Kie answered shortly. She paused, struggling to find the right words. "Honestly... I don't know. But I want to believe in that... In actually having some future with him. And putting that to the side, even the not-knowing doesn't scare me or anything..."
"But it scares me!"
It was a scream and it made Kiara's body jolted. She stared at her mother, watching how her eyes filled with tears. "It freaking frightens me! And no matter how much you may want to, you cannot change that."
"But mom, it doesn't scare me!" Kie dared to shot back, her voice trembling.
"Kiara, are you even listening to me?"
"It doesn't scare me." Kie punctuated her point by repeating. She was silent for a moment, before it dawned on her as well. "It really doesn't. Everything that he is, everything that comes along with him, it's not scary." she admitted quietly. "It's exciting. And thrilling. And no matter how much you may want to, you can't change the way I feel."
Anna nodded, raising her hand to wipe her wet cheeks. "Yeah... It's great." Her tone held a hint of sarcasm as she kept talking. "It’s exciting. Thrilling. Mind-blowing. Until it's just not." she spoke in a low voice. It crossed Kie's mind how she would almost prefer to have her mother keep yelling instead of walking out of the room with nothing else to explain her latest words.
…
Are the screaming hours over?
The text came about an hour later. Kiara sat on the floor in her pajamas, her back against the side of the bed behind her, her knees tightly drawn to her chest. Instead of answering, she called him, hoping her voice wouldn’t give away any signs of crying.
"Hey, are you okay?" JJ asked after the first ring. She almost smiled, feeling a flood of relief when she heard his voice. "Yeah, I’m okay… Kind of. And you? You're traumatized? Or do you just feel like never seeing me again?"
"Well, I think I feel a terrible nightmare coming on, to be honest." he spoke softly, and this time, she did smile.
"My dad with a shotgun?" she bit down on her lip.
JJ instantly corrected her, "Your mom with a shotgun. Which is worse..."
Kie managed to huff out a tiny laugh.
"I'm so sorry about what happened, Kie. I bet it wasn't exactly how you imagined announcing to them... You know... about me. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." he paused for a second, not knowing what to say further. "I'm so sorry, Kie. But for real now… how bad was it?" he then asked, and she closed her eyes, as if in giving a second thought to what she was about to say.
"A little bit." she finally decided to lie. And they both knew it was a lie. It didn't really matter, though... she loved him enough to convince herself that it was the truth.