Archive of Our Own

The crisp air feels like heaven against Itaru's face as he's follows Chikage out of the izakaya. He sighs in relief as he stretches. Another obligatory Friday after-work drinking party over and done with. Now he has a whole weekend of video games waiting for him when he gets home.

"You're in a cheery mood." Chikage's voice sounds next to him as they walk along the brightly lit sidewalk.

"How can I not be?" Itaru replies as he jams his hands into the pockets of his pants. "The next 48 hours, I will not leave our room except for food and bathroom breaks."

"You know, normal people would not like the sound of that."

"Have you ever thought I was normal, Senpai?"

Chikage hums in thought. "For a bit," he states. "Before I joined Mankai and realized that Prince Chigasaki from the Sales Department is a game otaku who doesn't shower unless he needs too, and is only in love with 2D women."

"Please don't tell me the women at work call me a prince."

Chikage laughs. "Then I won't say anything."

Itaru let's out a defeated "ugh" as they round another corner, and then everything happens so fast. A tug on his arm, making him stumble and let out a startled "ah!" A wall against his back. Chikage's body against his, keeping him there, his breath fanning over his lips as he chuckles and Itaru shivers.

"That was before I also realized that in reality, he prefers the company of a man instead of a woman."

Itaru laughs nervously as he tries to cover up his panic and racing heart. "Geez, Senpai. Warn me next time before you decide to shove me against a wall and kabedon me."

Chikage hums in amusement, leans down, and kisses him.

Itaru can't recall how many times they've done this. Whether in be in their room, in the car, or like now in a random back alley, Chikage's kisses always seem to take his breath away. He always knows just how to take Itaru apart with every slow movement of his lips. To make him melt. To make him feel so many emotions that he doesn't dare put into words.

Though he knows. He's not stupid. He knows what this feeling is, and he curses it with every ounce of his body.

Itaru gasps for breath as Chikage pulls away from him at last. His shaky hands cling to the front of Chikage's jacket and his whole body buzzes with that feeling.

But when his eyes flutter open and he looks at Chikage's empty expression, he remembers.

None of this is real. Unlike in Itaru's otome games, there's no soft words exchanged. No gentle confessions. No hand-holding. No dates.

No love.

Just purely physical touch.

It started a while ago. At the after party on Kniroun's closing night, many drinks were exchanged. Itaru was on cloud nine. The show was a success, he got the approval of his childhood hero, and there he was with the people who mean the most to him.

He doesn't remember who initiated it. All he remembers in that hazy moment was heated kisses and Chikage kneeling over him on the couch in Room 103.

Itaru was so overjoyed in that moment. The man he's been crushing on like a silly school girl was kissing him. They were full on making out on the couch and he wasn't grossed out by his pizza breath. His Gawain. His Chikage.

But those feelings came to an abrupt hault when he woke up that morning to an empty bed and the same Chikage as yesterday. He acted like nothing happened, and for a while, Itaru thought he dreamed the entire thing. He was slightly drunk. It was possible.

But then it happened again in the car. And then in the bathroom of an izakaya at a work function. It continued in their room.

But that was it. Just kissing. Just sex. Nothing else.

But Itaru would take it. If it meant he could at least live out part of his fantasy, then he'll deal with the pain afterwards. He could daydream about the rest. He'd always had a very active imagination.

But no matter how hard he tried to imagine it. He could never picture Chikage saying those three little words that meant so much.

Maybe Itaru didn't actually have a great imagination. Maybe Chikage just isn't the type to say it. Maybe in the back of his mind, Itaru knows that it would never happen.

Itaru wakes yet again to an empty bed. He sits up and glances over to see even Chikage's own bed is empty. He sighs and rubs at his eyes as he checks the time on his phone. 3AM.

Normally one would question about the whereabouts of their roommate at 3AM on a work night, but Itaru doesn't. Although he doesn't know much about Chikage, he knows enough that it's normal for him to disappear at odd hours of the night.

He must be some sort of spy, Itaru half jokes to himself occasionally. But some days it doesn't seem like a joke.

Itaru shifts to lay on his stomach when he realizes why he woke up. His bladder protests and he sits up again with a sigh. He's quiet as he heads to the bathroom. His purple slippers makings small tapping noises on the wooden floors. He's about to push the bathroom door open when he hears muffled voices from the balcony just up the stairs next to him. Who the hell is also up this late?

It could be some of the college kids working on a project. He's spotted Tsuzuru and Kazunari both working late into the night on different things.

Itaru shuffles closer to the stairs, straining to hear who it is. Although he can only catch about half of the conversation, he finally figures out who's up there.

Up by the railing out of Itaru's view, Chikage stands next to the railing, looking up at the night sky. Hisoka is a few paces back, seated on a chair, his legs pulled up to his chest.

"August always said that it's more fun to stargaze with others."

Hisoka's voice is soft in the cool breeze.

Chikage sighs, but a bittersweet smile finds it way to his face.

"Well, August always liked doing things with others. He really was the only extrovert out of the three of us."

Hisoka huffs out a small laugh. "Heh, remember that time when we had all those goods in the back, and a cop pulled us over for Augusts shitty driving? He was able to talk his way out of even a ticket."

Chikage hums, still staring up at the sky.

"Something's bothering you."

"I don't know what you mean."

Hisoka's lips turn down into an annoyed frown.

"So what's going on with you and Itaru?"

"What's going on between you and Homare-san?" Chikage shoots back.

Hisoka pulls a face, but humors him.

"We're dating... kinda," he admits. "It's odd but everything is odd when it comes to Arisu. At least I admit my feelings. Better than what you can do."

Chikage scoffs. "It's not the same."

Hisoka hums is a sarcastic way.

"Chigasaki... He..."

Chikage trails off, but of course now Itaru's body decides it has to sneeze.

Loudly.

RIP him. He can already see the "YOU ARE DEAD" flash across his screen.

Itaru then books it into the bathroom, hiding in one of the stalls as he prays to whatever God there is that Chikage didn't know it was him.

Back on the balcony, Hisoka turns his head as he hears hurried footsteps.

"Who do you think that was?"

"It was Chigasaki."

"You can tell just by the sneeze?"

"Also the fact that who else is up at this hour as well as how loud and clumsy his footsteps are."

"His footsteps huh," Hisoka murmurs with a smirk. "You are whipped."

"You're no better Sleepy Head," Chikage bites back.

"At least Arisu knows I care. When are you going to tell Itaru?"

"I can't."

"If it's about our past, I told Arisu already. He was shocked at first, but... you see how we are now."

"It's not the same," Chikage dismisses.

"Why not?"

"I'm not like you," Chikage tells him. "You've left. You're not in the Organization anymore. You're now just an ordinary civilian who can live a normal life. I still work for them. I still deal with dangerous people and missions. If someone found out about him and tried to use him to get to me..."

Chikage shakes his head. "I don't want to hurt another person I care about."

Hisoka sighs as he digs through his marshmallow bag, down to the last couple at the bottom. "You're already hurting him with what you're doing."

Chikage finally turns to look at his brother. "What?"

"He probably thinks you don't care about him. That youre only using him to entertain yourself."

Chikage leans back against the railing. "But at least he's safe."

"You really are an unromantic idiot."

Chikage gives him a sour look. "Hah?"

"Never mind," Hisoka replies with a yawn. "I'm tired and out of marshmallows. Goodnight."

With that, he slumps in the chair and falls asleep.

Chikage clicks his tongue in annoyance.

"What a pain," he mutters, but walks over to collect Hisoka in his arms. It doesn't take too much effort to carry Hisoka down the hall and dump him into his bed without waking Homare. Chikage's had much more difficult stealth missions.

It's about 3:20AM when Chikage steps back into Room 103. The sound of slow, even breathing from Itaru's bunk indicates that he's fallen back asleep. Chikage is silent as he steps up his ladder and climbs into bed. In the dim light from the cracks in the curtains, he makes out the outline of Itaru's sleeping form. He's curled up on his side, half his blankets clutched to his chest. His messy hair fans out over his pillow and covers his eyes.

It takes everything in Chikage to not reach over and tuck the stray hairs behind his ear.

Why would he even think of doing that? What's gotten into him? If Itaru found out, he'd lose his perfect unromantic image.

Chikage's expression is pained as he looks down at his roommate.

"Jeez Chigasaki, you deserve so much better than a lying fool like me."

It's dark in the kitchen as Itaru rummages through the cabinets. He swears he remembers a couple bags of his favorite chips somewhere in here. Apparently not anymore.

He clicks his tongue in annoyance.

He'll have to have a little discussion with Taichi later. He's the most likely culprit in the case of Itaru's disappearing chips.

Guess he'll have to continue playing games and just starve.

Just as he steps out of the kitchen and into the lounge, he hears the front door open. There's a shuffle of footsteps and then a loud thud followed by a quiet curse from a familiar voice.

"Senpai?"

When Itaru rounds the corner, he stops short in shock. Chikage is kneeling on the step up from the genkan. His hand clutches at his side, and when he looks up, Itaru sees how pale his face is.

"Chigasaki..." Chikage winces both from the shot of pain going through him and the realization that he might have a very difficult time talking his way out of this one. He intended to just wake up Hisoka to begrudgingly help him. He curses to himself that only if his wound wasn't in such in odd spot where he could patch himself up.

Itaru holds out his hand, and Chikage begrudgingly takes it. He guides him to the couch, and has Chikage sit down. Chikage sighs as he leans back, closing his eyes.

"How bad is it?"

Chikage is surprised that that is the first thing he asks and not what happened. Well he shouldn't be too surprised since Itaru isn't one to really pry, but when he looks up at Itaru hovering over him he not only sees the worry clear as day on his face but also all the questions in his eyes.

Of course. Itaru would probably ask more pressing questions but he's smart enough to know that no matter how much he asks, Chikage would probably always deflect or straight up refuse to answer is questions.

It's better this way.

Chikage blinks open his eyes to look up at Itaru. He then gives him a lopsided smile. "Help me to our room?"

It's quiet between them as Chikage let's Itaru help him to their room, his arm slung over the younger's shoulder. During that Chikage thinks that he could probably walk fine on his own, but the selfish part of him wants Itaru to dote on him, to worry, to care. Even just for a moment Chikage wants to experience it.

"Senpai-" Itaru starts as he helps Chikage onto the couch. His game is still paused on the TV, the game's BGM playing softly.

"Wake up the Sleepy Head for me will you?" Chikage says, cutting him off.

"What?"

"Get Hisoka"

"Sen- I- um..." The questions continue to swirl behind Itaru's eyes but he stops himself glancing away, his lips twisting into an odd frown until it revert to the smile of his work persona. "Okay. I'll be back soon. Don't die on me while I'm gone. I don't want to have to throw out this couch cause my roommate died on it."

Chikage chuckles, holding back another wince as the laugh causes more pain in his side.

As the door closes behind Itaru, Chikage takes off his jacket and t-shirt that blood from his wound has soaked through his hasty bandage and stained the white. He then pulls out the first aid kit in his closet with everything he needs to stitch himself back up.

After he sets everything up, he leans back on the couch, running a hand though his hair.

He should have been more careful. It was stupid of him to get injured. And even more stupid of him to be caught by someone like Itaru.

At least it was Itaru and not one of the kids like Taichi or Kumon. Chikage adores them, but he knows that they can't keep a secret to save their lives.

After a few more minutes of Chikage sitting on the couch contemplating every single decision and action he made during his mission, the door softly opens again. Itaru steps in followed by a grumpy Hisoka.

"You're a pain."

"Gee thanks, way to kick a man while he's down," he replies with a sarcastic smile. "Chigasaki, I'm sorry but you might want to leave the room?"

"Why?"

"I doubt you'll want to watch while Hisoka literally stitches me back up."

"You're gonna-" Itaru balks, looking mildly horrified.

"No, he should stay," Hisoka says.

"No, he shouldn't."

"Yes, I need an extra pair of hands."

Itaru looks nervously between the two of them.

"Uh, just so you know, I might not faint at the sight of blood, but I might just keel over if I see someone getting homemade stitches."

"You don't need to look," Hisoka tells him calmly as he unwraps the roll of gauze. "I just need someone to distract this idiot so he doesn't twitch like he always does."

"I don't twitch!"

Itaru thinks it's very normal to at least twitch around when someone is continuously stabbing you with a needle, but he decides not to comment. He also chooses to ignore the "always" in Hisoka's earlier statement insinuating that this has happened multiple times before.

Hisoka's hand stills over the bottle of rubbing alcohol.

"He would always do the comforting, but he's not here anymore."

"Who?"

"Aug-"

"Hisoka, enough."

There's a brief look shared between the two, but Hisoka just sighs and goes back to rummaging in the first aid kit Chikage has set out, pulling out a spool of medical thread, some more bandages, and what seems to be--oh god--a needle.

Queasiness forms in Itaru's stomach at what's about to happen.

"Chigasaki, you don't need to stay," Chikage tells him.

"I'll be fine" Itaru replies in a tight voice.

Yeah, totally fine.

Chikage flinches and hisses when Hisoka wipes away the fresh blood on the wound.

"See I told you," Hisoka mutters.

"Well yeah, anyone would flinch if you suddenly put rubbing alcohol on their open wound without warning them," Chikage grumbles.

"Ugh whatever. Just hold your boyfriends hand to distract yourself."

"He's not-"

"We're not-"

"I don't care what you two are. The faster we get through this the faster I can go back to bed."

At that, Itaru hesitantly holds out his hand. Chikage takes it and Itaru gives him a comforting squeeze, pointedly looking away from the needle moving closer to Chikage skin. It doesn't matter because Itaru knows when the needle finally punctures skin from the slight tightening of Chikage grip.

"Chigasaki." Chikages expression is schooled but Itaru knows how painful this probably is for him. "Talk to me."

"Huh?"

"Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything. Distract me. What game are you playing right now. What's it called?"

Itaru gets what Chikage's trying to do now, but he still fumbles over his words.

"It's called Sea of the Dead," he begins. "It's a thriller, adventure game where you're playing as a stowaway on a pirate ship to find your younger brother who mysteriously disappeared at sea. The first part is collecting clues and avoiding being seen, but then once you get to a certain part of the game there are these things that crawl out of the sea and try to drag you down with them. I just got to the part where you find out these creatures were once sailors but died at sea and have something to do with Davey Jones' Locker, but I paused it for a snack break. That's when I found you."

"So it's zombies at sea basically," Chikage teases.

"No, the Damned are NOT zombies! They don't try to eat people. They just take people," Itaru argues. "God senpai, if you're gonna make fun of me at least fact check yourself first."

"Still sounds like sea zombies to me."

"They are undead."

"But they're a different type of undead. Skeleton warriors are considered undead but they are definitely not zombies."

A smile tugs on Chikage's lips as he watches Itaru's pout deepen on his face.

"Nerd."

"Ugh, unromantic senpai."

"Uncute kouhai."

"Gosh, I'm done jeez. You can stop flirting now," Hisoka interjects, leaning back to place the needle down. "You owe me an extra bag of marshmallows for that Chikage."

At that Chikage instantly releases Itaru's hand, reaching for the gauze. Itaru can't help but look down at his, wishing to feel that warmth again.

"When did I ever actually owe you a bag?" Chikage mutters, startling Itaru from his daze as he slowly wraps the gauze around his torso.

"When you sent Itaru to wake me up. He initially said that he'd give me marshmallows, but this is your fault so I'm putting this on you."

Chikage sighs. "How many?"

"With the added extra bag, that makes four."

Chikage looks accusingly at Itaru.

"You offered him three bags?"

"He wouldn't get up!" Itaru protests.

Chikage groans in defeat. "Ugh fine. I'll get them to you as soon as possible."

"You'd better."

Hisoka helps finish up with wrapping the newly stitched wound, and then quickly disappears to head back to bed.

With that, Itaru left sitting on the low table as Chikage pulls a clean shirt on.

"Senpai, wha-"

"Thank you for your help tonight, Chigasaki," Chikage tells him, avoiding the question that surely Itaru was going to ask. "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this."

"Well yeah, I kinda took that as a given."

Itaru slides onto the couch and grabs his controller, fiddling with it.

Chikage efficiently starts to pack up the first aid kit, putting everything in its previous place. "You can continue playing your game now. Sorry to bother you."

Instead of unpausing the game, Itaru continues to fiddle with the controller, too distracted by all the questions running through his mind. Chikage closes up the kit and slides in onto the shelf in his closet.

"Hey senpai?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"I'd prefer if you didn't." Chikage then sits down on the couch next to him with a book in hand.

"What happened?"

"Well you see, I'm actually a very infamous street fighter and tonight was a big competition-"

"Senpai."

Chikage grins at him. "Fine fine, you really want the truth?"

"Yes."

Chikage leans back and looks up at the ceiling. "Well I was walking home when I saw a woman being robbed at knife-point. I stepped in to save her but the man stabbed me in the process. You see, I'm a very chiverolus person. I think I deserve a reward for my sacrifice."

A shit eating grin then makes its way across his face, and Itaru's frown becomes deeper as he stares down at his controller.

A hand sneaks under his chin, pushing it up to make him look at Chikage again.

"What's wrong?"

Are you really that oblivious or are you trying to trick me again?

"Why won't you ever tell me anything?"

Chikage's mouth forms a pout. "What do you mean? I tell you things. Remember that time I told you your fly was down at work. Saved you from a lot of embarrassment in that meeting with that American company."

"You know what I mean."

Chikage sighs in defeat. "Fine. You want to know one of my secrets?"

Itaru's eyes light up. "Yes."

Chikage leans in further, a smile quirking on his lips. "I really want to kiss you right now."

"But thats-"

And then Chikage's lips are on his, slowly pressing him further down on the couch. The wound on his side protests as he climbs in top of Itaru but he ignores it in favor of the soft whimper he hears Itaru let out when he pulls away to kiss down his neck. Itaru's hands bunch the material of his shirt, his breathing hot on Chikages ear.

Chikage sucks on the patch of sensitive skin on his jaw right below his ear when he feels Itaru's hands flatten against his chest and push hard.

"Stop!"

Chikage immediately obliges, sitting up.

Itaru struggles to sit up. His hair is a mess, his cheeks a bright red, and lips swollen from being kissed. Even Chikage has to admit to himself that he looks beautiful like this, but a frown quickly tugs down his lips and Chikage looks away, knowing where this conversation is about to go.

"Why do you always evade me and lie to me?"

He was technically telling the truth that time. He really did want to kiss him, but he understands where Itaru is coming from.

"I don't know what you mean," he says, you know, like a liar.

Itaru huffs is frustration. "That's exactly what I mean. You know, I've never tried to pry into your life. Not once. I'm not dumb. I can see you leaving at odd hours of the night. I've seen first hand the skill set you have. Don't think I forgot about that time in Zahra. But I never asked because I thought--I hoped--you would tell me yourself one day. That you would trust me enough to let me in."

When Chikage finally looks at him again, his steely blue eyes are cold. "You don't want to get yourself involved with me Chigasaki."

The looks on Chikage's face scares him a bit, but he's too frustrated to care.

"Don't tell me what to do with my life."

"You wouldn't be able to handle it. Trust me."

"I'm not a child!"

"Why do you want to know so badly?"

"Because I-" Itaru hesitates, but Chikage already knows what he was going to say from the expression on his face.

"Because I care about you," he admits which wasn't what he was initially going to say, but it's close enough without fully exposing his heart to the man who still has his hidden behind so many walls.

"You shouldn't care about a man like me." Chikage's response is dry and bitter.

"Well, too bad."

Chikage sighs, forcing down the bile rising in his throat from what he's about to do.

"Don't try to get close to me, Chigasaki." his voice is cold and void of any emotion.

"What- but I-"

"Don't ask me any more questions."

"But- ah!"

Chikage pushes him down, pinning him to the couch again. But this is different. It's not romantic or sexual, it's threatening.

"I'm going to let you off with a warning, Chigasaki. You should be grateful. I've killed men for less."

Chikage watches as fear flashes through his roommate's eyes and fully embraces the pain in his heart that comes with it.

Good. I deserve this.

But then Itaru speaks up. His voice soft. "I know you wouldn't hurt me, Senpai."

Panic spikes through the older man.

How could Itaru see through his lie? Was he that transparent?

Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. Chikage has to do this for Itaru's safety.

He then twists his lips in the most cruel and menacing smile he can pull off. "I wouldn't be so sure of that."

There's a loud ringing in his ears, and his mouth feels dry. He feels like he's suffocating in this room. He needs to get out. He needs to escape.

He releases Itaru and quickly stands up, grabbing his jacket and keys before Itaru could protest and running out the door. On his way through the courtyard, Chikage spots a tired Tsuzuru coming out of the bathroom, large bags under his eyes as if he's not gone to sleep yet.

"Chikage-san? Where are you headed to this time of night?"

Chikage makes a hasty excuse about a friend having car troubles that Tsuzuru could probably see through 10 miles away, but he doesn't give a damn right now. This place, the people here. He can't breathe.

As he finally peals out of his parking spot and onto the main road, he doesn't notice one person on the balcony watching him go

"Stupid April" he mutters to himself as he hugs PenPen to his chest. "Why do I always have to be the one to save your ass? Annoying."

Over the next few days, everyone notices the rift in Spring Troupe.

The usually easygoing, familial atmosphere feels tense and even the everglowing and positive Sakuya is starting to be affected. Gone is the usual sharped tongued banter between their two eldest members. Chikage's quick retorts are absent as well as Itaru's random otaku jokes and references.

And just like how it was in the beginning, Chikage no longer sleeps in room 103. He's once again taken to leaving late at night and coming back early in the morning, leaving Itaru to wallow in misery and self pity.

"Good practice everyone!" Sakuya exclaims brightly. "I think we're really making a lot of progress on subtle emotions and movements. I'm really glad we had Tsumugi-san come in to talk to us about it. It really made a difference."

Masumi mumbles a quick "good work" before making a beeline for the door, probably to find the Director. Chikage follows after him, avoiding Itaru's gaze.

"Tsuzuru and I are bedding out to down to practice our Citrun routine!" Citron tells them happily.

"It's 'heading out to town,' and yes, we'll be back by dinner time," adds the aforementioned college student.

"Have fun!" Sakuya calls after them with a wave as the two head out the door.

Itaru idles back, slowly collecting his jacket and phone.

"Itaru-san, can I ask you something?"

Itaru feels a sinking pit of guilt in his stomach. He doesn't want to worry Sakuya. Itaru is the adult here. He should be able to deal with his problems without getting the kids involved.

"I already know what you're gonna ask. And yes, Senpai and I... We had a fight. It's my fault. I... said some things I shouldn't have. I'm trying to figure out a way to at least fix things between us so we don't affect the rest of the group but... people are just so hard to figure out."

Sakuya gives him a reassuring smile. "I know you'll be able to fix things. You care about each other so I know it's not just you who wants to make up."

A bitter voice prods at the back of his brain.

Yeah,  Chikage totally cares about him.

"I'm just more worried about if there's anything I can do right now for you," Sakuya adds, drawing Itaru from his thoughts.

He gives the boy a half-smile. "Thank you Sakuya but I don't think there is."

"Well please tell me if there is anything I can do to help. I'm always here to talk and so is the rest of Spring Troupe. We are a family and families help and care for one another."

Itaru can't help the fond smile stretching across his face as he ruffles his hair. "Thank you. I'll keep it in mind."

It's a Friday night and Itaru is doing what any healthy and mature adult would in his situation: ignore his problems and use video games as a coping mechanism as well as a distraction from his worries.

And although it's not the best method, it's working. Itaru is completely absorbed in a game on his computer, not a single bad thought going through his brain, when something appears in his peripheral vision. He turns his head in curiosity and almost has a heart attack when he sees Hisoka suddenly standing right next to him.

After he recovers from the initial scare, he pulls off headphones and pauses game.

"Geez, could you give me some warning. You're like an assassin with how high your stealth stat is set," Itaru mutters.

"I knocked but you didn't hear me. I called out to you several times."

Okay, this maybe be on him this time. Whoops.

"Okay, what do you want? Senpai's not here, and I don't know where he is if that's who you're looking for."

"I already know where he is. I was looking for you actually."

Itaru sets his headphones down and turn his chair to fully face him. "Me? What for?"

"I want to take you somewhere. There's something I'd like to show you." Hisoka's voice is soft, but there's a determination in his voice that Itaru has only heard when marshmallows are brought up.

"Uh okay? And that place is?"

"A special place from my past as well as Chikage's."

Okay now that got Itaru's attention. Something from Chikage's past that he never talks about? Itaru would love to know more.

But before he asks he hesitates, remembering how defensive Chikage got that night.

"Is Senpai okay with this?"

"Probably not, but I don't care."

"Okay...?"

Hisoka really is the only one who'd not be afraid to get Chikage angry.

"You're driving," is all Hisoka says as he turns around.

"I- what?"

Hisoka's footsteps are silent as he crosses the room to the door.

"Come on."

Itaru scrambles to his feet, attempting to turn off his computer and yank his sauce stained jacket off himself at the same time. "Wait, lemme get changed first. I can't go out in these clothes."

"Fine but hurry up," is all Itaru hears before the door closes.

The car ride is quiet, but then again, anything with Hisoka is quiet. The only thing breaking the silence is Hisoka's interspersed directions.

"Make a left at the next light."

"Okay," Itaru replies, glancing at the unfamiliar streets. Where the hell are they? "What exactly is this place we're going to?"

Hisoka doesn't reply for a moment, and Itaru looks over at him when stopped at the light. His lips are pulled into a thin line and he looks slightly upset.

"What used to me my home. Our home. Mine, Chikage's, and... August's."

"August?"

Hisoka doesn't elaborate and Itaru doesn't push for him to. If he's upset just explaining that much, Itaru doesn't want to make him feel worse.

"Park here. We walk the rest of the way," after a few more minutes of driving around.

Itaru looks around the area in confusion. They've ended up in an industrial area, were houses lining the road and large trucks for moving goods parked outside.

They get out of the car and Itaru follows Hisoka's fast walk in the direction of one of the buildings.

"You know I knew was a cracked character but I didn't know he was half robot, built in a factory too."

The joke falls flat as Hisoka silently leads him though a series of streets and around the side of a building, down a flight of cement stairs to a basement room with a thick metal door.

There's a passcode lock built into the door that Hisoka quickly inputs a series of numbers into. The lock clicks and before he opens the door, he knocks on it in an odd pattern as if he was tapping out Morse code.

Secret knock, he thinks.

The door opens and Hisoka steps inside, beckoning Itaru to follow. He's kinda scared but he trusts Hisoka. He wouldn't bring Itaru somewhere dangerous, right?

"What do you want, Hisoka? I told you that you shouldn't come here anymore," Chikage's voice sounds from the room inside. When Itaru spots him over Hisoka's shoulder, he is seated with his laptop on a worn out couch much like the couch in room 203. He hasn't looked up at them yet, still staring at the screen while typing.

The walls are metal. A small kitchen is tucked in the corner with a small round table and three chairs around it.

"And I told you to stop being a stubborn idiot, but we all can't get what we want." The annoyance is clear in Hisoka's reply.

"I told you, I'm not-" He stops when he finally looks up and notices Itaru standing behind Hisoka. "What the- what have you done?!"

"I did tell you to stop being a stubborn idiot."

Chikage slams laptop shut and stands up. "But this? Bringing Chigasaki here? You've gone too far! I told you, I'm not like you. I'm still in this. There's too many risks."

"But you're not happy."

"It doesn't matter whether or not I'm happy. All that matter is that Chigasaki-"
Chikage stops himself, glancing over to Itaru and then back to Hisoka.

"All that matters is that Chigasaki is safe" Chikage continues in a language Itaru doesn't recognize.

Was that Russian? Polish?

Hisoka's tsks and rolls his eyes. "Are you seriously still afraid to admit your feelings?"

Chikage huffs. "I'm not scared. I'm cautious. A trait that you lack apparently."

"You really have to get over your imposter syndrome."

"And you have to stop butting into my business."

"Fine."

With that word, Hisoka turns to leave, passing Itaru as he awkwardly just stands there.

"Take Chigasaki with you," Chikage calls after him.

"No, you can take him home," Hisoka tells him as he opens the door. "I promised the Director I'd get you two to make up, so I'll get out of your business and let you two talk it out by yourselves. As for me, I have a comfy bed with my name on it."

Before he completely leaves, Hisoka then turns back and looks at Chikage. "Oh, and April. Be selfish for once."

The door closes with a soft click, and the two of them are left in silence.
"How's he gonna get home? I drove," Itaru says awkwardly.

"He's taking your car."

"How? I have the keys."

"Not anymore."

"What? But they're here in my- huh?" Itaru feels around in his pocket but it's empty. He glances back up at Chikage to see the hint of an amused smile on his face. It quickly disappears, and they're left in an awkward silence again.

"So..." Itaru starts, attempting to break the tense atmosphere. "You really are some type of secret agent. You know I'm not really that surprised."

"Something like that."

"For your job, do you-"

"I shouldn't go into detail about it. It's already bad enough that you know." Chikage's expression is tight and closed off, the way it usually is when Itaru asks questions.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is it bad for me to know?"

Chikage sighs and rubs at one of his eyes. "You wouldn't get it Chigasaki. Your not part of this world."

"But-" Itaru then stops himself, a self-deprecating look going over his face. "Yeah... I guess you're right"

There's a pause. Itaru jams his hands into his pockets, glancing around and takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

Chikage cocks his head to the side. "For what?"

"I know I pushed you to tell me things you werent comfortable talking about. You have no obligation to tell me those things, but I just... I'm sorry." Itaru's eyes are trained on the floor in front of him, too scared to look back up at Chikage.

"Apologizing? That's really OOC for you, Chigasaki."

Itaru's gaze involuntarily snaps up. "I apologize for thin- wait. Did you just say OOC?"

Chikage wears a small smile on his face. "I don't know what you mean."

"You did! See, I knew you listened to me!"

Chikage shrugs, continuing in a haughty tone. "I make an effort to not listen to you but you're just so loud that it's extremely hard not to hear you."

"Ouch," Itaru mutters.

Their conversation trails off there, and Itaru scrambles to find a way to continue it. This has been the first normal conversation that he's had with Chikage in over two weeks.

Luckily Chikage beats him to it.

"I'm surprised your not as shocked about all this."

Itaru awkwardly shrugs. "I am a bit surprised, but I had my assumptions. My surprise was that I was correct."

Chikage's eyebrows raise slightly. "You knew?"

"Well yeah, it was kinda obvious from everything I've seen. You may always think I have my head buried in my games, but I am also the person who sees you the most at Mankai. If anyone were to know that you have some secret agent side job, it would be me. I mean, besides Hisoka, but I think I can easily assume that he's one as well."

"He was, but he's not a part of this anymore."

"What hap- er- nevermind," Itaru mutters thinking better of asking another question.

Chikage sits down, taking off his glasses to rub at his eyes. He really is in a predicament right now.

Be selfish for once.

Hisoka's words mock him. There's being selfish and then there's being downright idiotic. Itaru isn't part of this world. He's not used to it nor ever should be. Chikage should tell him to forget everything he saw and go back to their normal everyday lives. To the quick banter, occasional looks, and kisses that mean more than either of them allow themselves to say.

But Hisoka's words nag at him.

Be selfish.

What would it be like to finally let someone new in? Exhilarating? Terrifying? Relieving?

Could Chikage- no... could April allow himself the luxury?

He looks over at Itaru. He looks slightly nervous, glancing around and fidgeting with his hands. His oversized sweater makes him look so small even though he's not much shorter than Chikage himself, and his current messy hair gives him a cute boyish charm.

He's innocent. He doesn't deserve this burden.

Be selfish for once.

Chikage steels his resolve and takes a quiet shuttering breath.

"Chigasaki."

Pink eyes meet blue as Itaru looks back at him.

"Can I... Can I tell you a story?" Chikage asks him. "But you can't tell anyone else."

A look of surprise crosses Itaru's face. "Yes- of course. I mean- if you want to."

"I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't want to."

"Yeah. Right. Of course. Makes sense."

There's an awkward pause as they both just stare at each other.

"You can sit down if you want," Chikage tells him "It's a bit of a long story, but I'll try not to bore you."

Silently Itaru takes the seat next to Chikage.

"So this is the story of an 8 year old boy. His father left when he was young and his mother... Let's just say she was a poor excuse for a human being, let alone a mother. For a multitude of reasons, which you could probably guess, he decided to run away from home. For weeks he ran with no plan or set location in mind, digging through trash to find food, sleeping in alleyways, and pickpocketing unsuspecting people. One day he made the mistake of trying to steal the wallet from a young man. The man caught him with ease, but instead of turning the boy in, he bought him a hot dinner. This became almost a daily occurrence. The man would find the boy and treat him to a warm meal, and then they would part ways."

"The man was kind, but very mysterious. He never seemed to talk about himself, only asking about the boy's life and interests. Soon enough, the boy found out why. His name was August, and he was an agent for a secret intelligence organization. He told the boy that he would be able to live with and take care of him, but unfortunately he could only do that if the boy decided to join the Organization. The boy immediately agreed. He was given a new chance, a new life. For years, he cursed his name, hating how it linked him to such terrible people, but with this new life, he was also given a new identity. A new name."

"April is what August called him."

For the next 10 minutes, Chikage continues the story of the boy named April. How he was given a new life and a new family that, although he wouldn't tell them directly, he loved with all his heart. And how that family was taken from him in an instant on one cold December night. How for the sake of vengeance, he almost tore apart another family.

"And although he betrayed their trust, this group of people continued to show him kindness, taking him under their wing and giving him a family again even though he knows he doesn't deserve it. No matter how much he gives back, he knows that no amount of payment could ever repay them enough for their mercy. But there he is with a loving family who is there to always support him, friends who care for him and... even someone he might just be in love with who might just love him back. And so he's scared. He's scared he'll lose it all again just like he did before. He scared to get even closer because he knows how much it hurts when it's gone..."

There's a quiet break in Chikage's story before he looks over at Itaru with a sad smile.

"And that seems to be the end of the story. I'm sorry it was so depressing."

Itaru is silent for a while, staring blankly at his hands in his lap.

"We're not going anywhere," Itaru finally says in a soft voice. "You don't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere and neither is anyone from Mankai."

"That's very kind to suddenly say, Chigasaki, but this is April we are talking about. Not me."

But April is you, Itaru wants to say. It's so obvious.

But Itaru knows why Chikage told his story under the guise of another's. It's too difficult and too personal to easily share. Talking about it in third person gives you a distance from it as if you're just telling the backstory of a fictional character and not your own tragic past.

Itaru clears his throat, attempting another dialogue option.

"Well I think April doesn't have to worry about any sort of repayment. You don't have to repay your own family for being kind to you. They do it because they want to, and they love and care about you." He says. "And as for his fear about losing them, it doesn't seem like this group of people would ever leave him. They love him too much to leave. And even if something happens and they have to leave, April should know that opening up his heart again is better than keeping it shut. I know from experience that it's cold and lonely, being alone, but I look a chance and stayed with Mankai, and it was the best decision I ever made. My most cherished memories are all revolved around Spring Troupe and Mankai, and even if something happened and the troupe disbanded tomorrow, I wouldn't regret standing on stage with everyone. Not for a single moment."

There's a soft fondness in Chikage's eyes as he stares at the metal wall in front of him. "April is a very lucky man then." He says. "To have such a loving family."

"He is," Itaru agrees. "And he shouldn't feel as if he doesn't deserve it. That's not for him to decide. It's for the family, and they believe that he does."

"I think April would doubt that, but he'd feel very happy that they think that."

"He shouldn't doubt it, because it's true."

Itaru fiddles with his phone, picking at a smudge on the back of the case as he tries to figure out how to word his next sentence.

"And about that person that he's in love with who loves him back... I think he wants April to make a move. All April needs to do is outright tell him that he loves him and that person would be entirely committed."

Damn it is easier just saying everything in third person.

"I don't think April realized that this person has such low standards," Chikage jokes.

"Well that person's only experience with romance is with 2D characters," Itaru defends. "Besides, April shouldn't be complaining. If the person has low standards what does that say about him.

Chikage reaches up to brush a few strand of hair out of Itaru's eyes. "That April is once again, a very lucky man."

Itaru smiles. "You bet he is."

Chikage chuckles lightly. His gaze then hardens in seriousness as he cups Itaru's cheek, his thumb lightly brushing against his cheekbone. "I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully."

Itaru nods, his chest tight.

"I love you, Chigasaki."

Itaru's breath hitches in his throat at those words. He knew that fact already, but hearing them said aloud so earnestly... Itaru feels like he could cry.

"Would you allow me the selfish desire of loving me back?"

Itaru places his hand over Chikage's and smiles at him. "I'll let you be as selfish as you want, because I love you too."

The smile that stretches across Chikage's face is so uncharacteristically soft and shy, it's almost as if he was another person all together. But it's the same Chikage that's been his roommate this whole time. The same one that was his Gawain, and the same one that Itaru can't help but fall deeper and deeper in love with.

And then Chikage's lips are on his in a sudden soft kiss. It wasn't mind numbing or earth shattering or anything how Muku's manga describes it, but it felt warm. There is a steady warmth spreading throughout his entire body like he's just settled into a warm bath. It's comfortable, and Itaru couldn't ask for anything better as Chikage pulls him into his lap to be closer.

When they do finally part, Itaru rests his forehead on Chikage's shoulder enjoying the feel of the steady beat of his heart and the hand smoothing up and down his back.

"You know, for someone as unromantic as you, that was a pretty romantic confession."

"Sorry to say, but that's the only time it's gonna happen."

"Eh I don't know about that. A lot of limited time events end up having revivals later on."

Chikage kisses the top of Itaru's head with a small smile.

"We'll see."