Chapter Text
Elliot pushes open the double doors of the hospital corridor, Kathleen hot on his heels but still unable to keep up with her father’s desperate stride. He looks frantically around the emergency department, unable to find what he’s looking for. In the middle of the room, where orderlies and nurses and doctors are whirring through, fighting to save lives, he stops dead.
A gentle touch to his arm brings him back to reality. “Dad? I’m going to ask where they took Olivia.”
Unable to move, or do anything, or even think, Elliot watches as his daughter approaches the front desk, taking over the only god damn thing he could do in this situation. Olivia is here, somewhere, with a bullet in her belly, bleeding out and unconscious, scared for her fucking life. Elliot is scared, too, because if he loses her—
Well. If he loses her, he won’t be sticking around this time.
Olivia has never been shot before. She’s survived all kinds of assault, all kinds of hurt, but never a gunshot. The vow he’d made to keep her safe was broken. For better or worse, and that’s still true, but part of that meant stopping low lifes from getting near her. Stopping monsters like William Lewis and putting them in the ground before they could even look at her. He failed, and he keeps failing, because he left her at the mercy of Lewis and he’s back, but it’s not good enough. There’s no room for complacency when it comes to her, and yet here she is. Stuck in this goddamn hospital, hurt, and he’s standing around like a fool.
Olivia has survived the unthinkable, but never a gunshot.
That gets him moving. Katie is approaching him, saying something about prepping for surgery, but he doesn’t care. Another second cannot go by where he can’t see her.
As he turns the corner to try and find Olivia’s room, a blonde man a foot taller than Elliot blocks his way. He has broad shoulders and a passive look on his face, like he’s doing this for the thousandth time.
“Sir, you can’t go back there,” he explains, trying to wrench him back with a hand to his bicep. Fuck protocol, fuck everything. This man has no right to be calm while Elliot’s world is being torn apart.
“She’s my wife.” It’s a lie, but if he has any say he’ll marry her tomorrow. “Get the hell off of me.”
“There’s no spouse listed on her admission papers,” the man says calmly. “Her next of kin is already with her.”
Fin. A decision she had to make because he left her and Fin would always show up. Fin, who was steady and reliable, and who called Elliot and broke the news the best way he could. As glad as he is that Fin is by her side, faithful as ever, it’s Elliot’s rightful place. Has been since 1998 when Olivia raised her brow and said it was a pleasure to meet him.
It takes only a second to escape the man’s grip, because being away for a decade meant he had to find other things to use as an outlet. The gym was his, and he could think about Olivia freely, hoping she was okay without him and hating the distance at the same time. He built pounds of muscle trying to move on, and nothing worked. Adrenaline courses through his veins and he’s off, hoping Katie will direct him to the room. The man tries to wrench him back again, but Elliot escapes his hold easily. As he turns another blue corner, a nurse calls for him.
“Elliot Stabler?” she double checks.
“That’s me. Where is she?”
“Just over here. She’s been asking for you.”
Thank God she’s awake, he thinks for a second. Then he remembers that Kathy was perfectly fine, awake and joking, then her spleen ruptured and she was gone. There’s no guarantees in life, and God has not been kind to him. The same God had punished Elliot and his children, and it is not inconceivable that a second punishment is due. Maybe he even deserves it. But Noah, sweet Noah who found a home with the most compassionate woman in New York had done nothing to deserve this. God should be kind to Noah, because Elliot may have sinned but their child has not.
As he pushes open the door, he can see Fin is in the chair beside her, and he’s made her laugh somehow. It only takes a second for Liv to look over and notice him, in tune with his presence like always.
“El,” she breathes, meeting his eyes and breathing steadily.
It takes everything in him not to fold over and break down. Once they take her away to surgery his body will likely give in, but he’s going to stay strong for her. Fin silently acquiesces and gets out of the chair, standing with Kathleen instead.
“I’m here,” he whispers, kissing her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He ought to make that part of his vows: never leaving her side again. Knowing Olivia, she’ll appreciate that. It’s the thing he had done that failed her, but nothing will make him make a mistake like that again.
“If… El, if it doesn’t go well,” she begins, clutching his hand to her chest, “I want you to take care of Noah.”
“Of course I’ll take care of Noah,” he assures her, but there’s a qualifier. “But you’re gonna be with me, and we’re gonna keep raising him together. He needs both of us.”
That’s all he can think about. This isn’t the same situation as Kathy. It’s serious, and it’s scaring the life out of him, but she will be okay. Noah needs both of his parents, and they all need a break from grieving. If there’s a God, he’ll grant them this one thing.
“Promise me,” she repeats, voice deepening.
“I promise,” he assures her. “C’mere.”
His legs slide onto the tiny bed, and he opens his arms. Olivia moves to rest her head on his chest, and Fin is beside Katie as they stand beside each other in solidarity. Protecting them from intruders, like that porter that tried to keep him out of here, as if it’s not his rightful place. All he has to do is ask, and maybe in a few weeks they can take a trip down to the courthouse to make it official. When– if, this happens again, he doesn’t want anything standing in his way. Being beside her is his rightful place.
It’s a testament to how she’s feeling, if she’s letting him hold her like this in front of Katie and Fin. Olivia is careful, because their relationship has always been between them. Nobody else had understood, or truly seen the depths of their feelings for one another. They were partners, and friends, and now they’re together, but Liv is still cautious. It’s only been a year since he stepped up and told her how he felt. A year versus twenty-three of being kept a secret. That’s how he knows how scared she is.
Having his arms around her, feeling her breathe in and out steadily allows him to hope. They’ll get this bullet out of her and she’ll be sore but okay. They’ll have time off, because Ayanna understands the value of family and McGrath could never really tell Liv what to do. Eli and Noah and Bernie will hover, and the squad will bring over food even if they can’t cook. Liv will roll her eyes but will be secretly touched. Once her surgery is over, that will be their reality. There’s no other choice but to believe it.
A stray hand trails along her side, unable to keep away. Olivia winces in pain, her eyes squeezed shut.
“Sore?”
She nods. “They need to get this thing outta me.”
“They will soon, I promise. But you gotta promise me something too,” he says, clutching her tighter. “Promise me you’ll be okay.”
“El, you know I can’t do that,” she whispers into his neck.
Even though he needs the reassurance, she wouldn’t be Olivia if she made a promise she couldn’t be sure to keep. Pragmatic to a fault.
“Just… just don’t walk into the light. Stay with me,” he pleads.
When she is in surgery, he will go to the hospital chapel and plead for her safety. He’ll take any help he can get. Sitting by and doing nothing is not in his nature. Maybe he’ll ask Fin where he can find the son of a bitch that did this to her. It wouldn’t take much to get the cops in lock-up to look the other way. That form of retribution will never be enough, he knows. Lewis may be in the ground but death is more than he deserves. Christ, if he’d only come back earlier and quit the happy family facade–
“I’ll try not to,” she whispers, and he can feel her smiling wryly against his shoulder. “Promise me that you won’t do anything stupid.”
That gets a laugh from Fin and Kathleen, still standing beside the door, as if they’ve never heard something so ridiculous in their lives. They probably haven’t, but if Liv needs this from him, then he’ll do it. The promise won’t be kept if she doesn’t make it. That much he knows for sure.
“Promise. Though your idea of stupid and my idea of stupid is very different.”
“My idea of stupid, then.”
Elliot hums, his mouth pressed against her temple. Olivia has been the voice of reason inside his head for so long now. Despite distance and time zones and space, her voice remained steady and clear in his mind. A touchstone to what was real and the man he needed to be. If he later tries to go to lockup and find the son of a bitch who did this to her, he promises that he will listen to her voice in his head and stay strong. Let Kathleen hold his hand. Text Rollins to make sure Noah’s okay. Have another cup of coffee. Try very, very hard not to put his fist through a window.
A nurse brushes past Katie and Fin standing by the doorway, a chart in hand and frowning when she sees the two of them on the bed.
“Sir, you really should be sitting on the visitor’s chair. Ms. Benson needs to rest before surgery,” Nurse something or other says, admonishing him. A fair eyebrow is raised as she waits for Elliot to get off. Not a chance.
Before Elliot has the chance to run his mouth, Olivia raises her head from his chest and gives her best attempt at looking pitiful. “I’ve found it easier to rest since Elliot arrived.”
“Look at her monitor. Her heart rate isn’t going crazy anymore,” Fin pipes up, looking Elliot straight on. Katie’s head is ducked in amusement, though she’s unable to keep the wry smile off her face.
“Hm. Well, you can stay for now, though we’ll need to prep for surgery once Dr. Bailey is ready.”
They hear the scritch of a pen against the chart, and then the nurse leaves without a word. The lack of urgency appears promising. Maybe now is the time.
Fin gets the message as soon as Elliot looks up at him, away from Liv. The man nods imperceptibly, excusing himself and Kathleen to go get coffee. A second after the door is closed, Elliot extricates himself from her grasp– or maybe he was grasping onto her– and ignores the protest from his knees and Olivia as he kneels on the ground. The bed is almost comically high, and though he’s by no means short, his head barely clears the bed’s height.
“El? What the hell are you doing down there?” There’s a furrow to her brow, and as she moves to sit up, he can see her jaw clench in pain.
“Olivia Benson,” he says, grasping her hand. She squeezes back, and he takes a breath. “Will you marry me?”