Work Text:
The elevator ride was a blur. In fact, thinking about it Lucy doesn’t even consciously remember the drive over.
The destination was…
Not one she planned on visiting tonight.
No, her plans for the night had been to check on Tennant. A betrayal the magnitude of Maggie Shaw’s wasn’t something easily bounced back from.
Lucy knew showing up unannounced was a gamble but Tennant had been there so many times in the past not only for the team but for Lucy specifically that it hardly felt like going out of her way merely to try.
The memory of her boss pouring her a drink the previous week, ostensibly to toast to her first undercover op being a success was still fresh. Lucy remembers the burn of the liquor anchoring her back to her body giving her something to focus on besides the cacophony in her head.
She had told Tennant she didn’t think she wanted to talk. And Jane had understood in that uncanny way she had with people that Lucy meant she couldn’t.
That Lucy needed time to process.
Process how a mere sixteen hours ago from that point she imagined the end to her night being much more pleasurable. A low-key dinner with the woman she loved, even if she knew it was far too early to voice feelings of such a nature to said woman. And if the history Whistler was so fond of learning from did indeed repeat itself maybe even some incredible sex.
Process how instead her day turned into a roller coaster ride of epic proportions, the big ol’ rickety kind that grinds your bones together and gives you whiplash. Starting with having been assigned her first ever undercover operation. And the irony of trying to talk out her equivocal feelings about said assignment with well it seemed presumptuous in retrospect to call Kate her girlfriend but Lucy had thought…only to discover that Kate already Had a girlfriend
Process the mangled body stories below her smashed against the concrete by her own hands
Process how that broken body had almost been hers
Process Whistler waiting for her with tortured brown eyes and half-assed explanations that at no point gave way to apology and the finite way she’d told Kate to leave and the love she wasn’t sure what to do with now that it was entrenched in hurt and shattered trust
Jane had nudged Lucy gently after they had both drained their glasses, picked up Lucy’s backpack and ushered the small agent into the passenger seat of her own car.
They arrived at the Tennant household well after lights out and Jane had poured Lucy a glass of the hardest alcohol she had before excusing herself to check in on her sleeping kids.
She returned a bit later with her own glass and a change of clothes for Lucy.
Jane hadn’t pushed, just sat with her in silence that was ironically more comfortable despite the heavy weight of Lucy’s thoughts then the self-proclaimed comfortable silence she had purported that morning on Whistler’s terrace.
That night Lucy slept off the alcohol in Jane’s guest room and in the morning she ate a perfectly balanced breakfast with Jane’s kids.
Then Tennant dropped Lucy home, giving her time alone to gather her thoughts before heading off to the psych eval that would keep her from riding desk any longer than necessary.
Lucy appreciated that she hadn’t tried to offer any platitudes simply drove off with a, “See you at the office, Special Agent Tara.”
And then there had barely been a breather before they found themselves caught up in a case that wouldn’t be easily moved on from.
So all things considered it really wasn’t any great surprise to Lucy when Alex intercepted her halfway up the walk to tell her his mom still wasn’t up for visitors.
And that was fine, Lucy’d just-
She’d had to try, it’s what family did.
She waited for assurances from Alex and got that Kai had dropped off enough food that even his teenage metabolism wasn’t putting a major dent in it and he, his mom and his sister were not okay but at least together in their grief before Lucy took her leave.
Now she was staring at her closed fist like it was possessed, hardly able to believe she’d just knocked on 1204.
The third time Lucy had ever knocked on this particular door, the person behind it had barely hesitated before stepping fully into the threshold, filling the space completely.
Kate Whistler had stood, hands on either side of the door frame practically glowing in a combination of white cable knit and righteous fury as she posited that Lucy might be there to take a swing at her.
This time the door opened and the person behind it shifted backwards instinctively as if trying to keep that imagined blow from landing.
Lucy’s eyes widened as she clocked the motion and her brows quickly furrowed as she took in her ex’s haggard appearance.
Kate’s hair hung limply around her shoulders, sticking up slightly near the back like the only thing she’d run through it in the last day or so had been her hands. The shirt she was wearing dwarfed her, the faded USMA logo comically off center. The amusement faded a second later once Lucy remembered who it had once belonged to.
The light gray did nothing for Kate’s wan complexion and concern was starting to creep into Lucy’s countenance. So much so that for the first time since they crashed through the very door Lucy was standing outside of at the start of their tumultuous relationship Lucy wasn’t even distracted by the expanse of bare leg that disappeared under the hemline of that shirt.
Maybe she should’ve paid closer attention to the water cooler talk of upheaval in the more clandestine departments including the DIA after the exposure of Maggie Shaw’s treason.
“Lucy?” Even Kate’s voice was softer than Lucy was used to, snapping Lucy out of her intense scrutiny more effectively than any sharp rebuke might’ve. She hated the air of defeat that permeated the other woman’s normally opaque tones.
They stared at each other for a beat.
And then another.
Lucy willed her vocal chords to action but her tongue felt heavy and the words swirled flitting away before she could grasp them and arrange them into a reason for being here.
The problem being that she didn’t have one.
Lucy toyed with the bottle of rum she’d impulsively brought up with her, spinning it idly and picking at the label.
She’d purchased it on her way over to Tennant’s but wasn’t stupid enough to hand it over to her boss’ teenage son regardless of his character. The kid’s pout was lethal though even if all he got for his troubles was a hair ruffle from a lady who had to stand on her tiptoes to do it.
She couldn’t help but giggle at his disgruntled expression as she drove off. He reminded her a lot of her oldest nephew and she missed him.
Thoughts of missing people eventually led her to where she stood now outside Kate Whistler’s door still trying to formulate a sentence.
Kate beat her to it, “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting... I thought you were-”
Kate’s mouth snapped shut, her bottom lip disappearing between her teeth and Lucy couldn’t figure out why until she heard the timely call of “Pizza delivery?”
Lucy pivoted for a better view and because her life was clearly some kind of cosmic joke it was the same driver that she manhandled a pizza away from to shove at Kate on that fateful day. He was even wearing the same exact dumb white and blue hoodie, backwards cap and stupid grin.
She whirled back around the words she couldn’t find suddenly coalescing into something in the vicinity of ‘Are you fucking kidding me right now?’
But the words die in her throat when her eyes land on Kate again. Lucy, as someone whose mouth had a tendency to run off on her, has had her fair share of it would be cool if the ground opened up and swallowed me whole moments.
Looking at Kate though Lucy can honestly say she's never seen a more textbook definition of the phrase. Lucy half expects Kate to slam the door in both their faces in lieu of the ability to conjure a sinkhole with her mind.
Kate’s eyes meet Lucy’s for the briefest moment and Lucy’s heart clenches.
As a general rule Kate wasn’t a heart on her sleeves kind of person. Though she was more expressive than people tended to give her credit for if you cared to look. Still, Kate appearing as if she were about to burst into actual tears in front of her ex and a pizza delivery guy…
Pizza delivery guy.
Lucy swivels her head back around only to catch this kid not so subtly ogling the bare expanse of Kate’s thighs on display.
Flare of jealousy notwithstanding the realization that DIA Agent Kate Whistler always pristine, changes from work clothes into casual clothes before pajamas strictly for bed, has not one, not two, not even three but four backup outfits in her work office, that Kate Whistler answered the door without pants?
That’s what finally spurs Lucy to movement.
And okay so Lucy is ninety nine percent sure Kate is in fact wearing shorts. They’re just not in any way shape or form visible so as far as the situation at present goes Lucy feels perfectly justified in the course of action she takes.
In a painful mirror of the last time this happened Lucy snatches the pizza out of the delivery guy’s grip with one hand fumbling briefly before pushing it at Kate without glancing at her. It takes another minute for her to fish around her pockets while still clutching the bottle of rum for the change from that purchase.
In triumph she takes the bill in her hand and shoves it with more force than strictly necessary at the guy's chest propelling him back towards the elevator.
“And here’s an additional tip, learn how to read a room.”
He has the audacity to wink at her as the doors close.
Lucy has half a mind to follow and teach him some manners but there are both more pressing matters as well as her security clearance to think of.
When Lucy spins back around Kate hasn’t moved a single muscle, the pizza looking a bit precarious in her lax grasp.
After another beat passes Lucy cocks her head to the side.
Kate opens her mouth and then closes it again and when she finally speaks what comes out is, “I already tipped him with my card.”
Lucy rolls her eyes, grin creeping up without permission.
They hadn’t gotten very far into Lucy’s family or upbringing in the weeks they’d been together. Kate had almost certainly noticed Lucy’s notorious over tipping habit but she hadn’t ever actually commented on it.
If she had, Lucy might’ve even told her that growing up with extremely wealthy parents who carried around professionally printed cardstock with ‘helpful’ advice instead of cash to leave as tips had gotten her into the habit of overcompensating once she had finances that were hers alone to control.
“And some people don’t tip at all, consider it covering a deficit.” Lucy replied, plucking the pizza from Kate’s loose grip and charging into the apartment without invitation. "Besides they like cash better."
She deposits the pizza on the counter turning to where Whistler has yet to move from the door, “Pretty sure I’ve never met a pizza this heavy before, what’s even on this thing, rocks?”
Lucy’s bravado fades when Kate finally turns around with silent tear tracks on her cheeks.
“I can’t-I can’t do this tonight.” Kate’s voice cracks and Lucy shoves both hands deep in her pockets to keep from reaching out, “Please, I know that I owe you but-”
And Kate’s voice doesn’t just crack there.
It breaks.
The tears that come then aren't silent as Kate sinks down to the floor, back against the wall creating a more controlled descent than if she had been freestanding.
She still hits the ground pretty hard immediately curling in on herself and doesn’t so much as flinch as the door slams shut behind her.
Lucy just stares at the crossroad before her.
The traitorous voice in the back of her head that loved Kate Whistler reminded her that she, Lucy had people in her corner, a family even, while Kate was alone here.
But even as her lingering hurt and anger worked to strike down too much concern for her ex she couldn’t quite bring herself to thinking that Kate deserved it.
And she could leave. She didn’t owe Kate anything. She wasn’t the one who cheated and lied and-
Lucy was already moving towards Kate’s cabinets even as her self-preservation told her to run. That she couldn’t trust Kate and it would only end in more pain.
She grabs two of Kate’s mason jar glasses, cracking open the bottle she hadn’t put down yet and pouring a generous amount of rum into both cups.
With a sip for fortitude Lucy makes her way over to where Kate’s head is buried in her knees still crying softly.
Lucy gracefully lowers herself to the floor, the surface of the rum barely rippling. She arranges herself cross legged opposite Kate, careful to leave a decent amount of space between them.
Once she’s placed her glass off to one side she fiddles with the one intended for Kate.
Lucy takes a deep breath, “Whistler, here.” She tries holding out the glass as a peace offering but there’s no indication that she’d been heard.
Shaking her head at herself Lucy puts the glass down and tentatively tries reaching out a hand towards Kate’s forearm to get her attention more directly.
She gets close enough to feel the warmth emanating from Kate’s skin before quickly retracting it.
Touch was a dangerous thing when it came to Kate Whistler. Impairing Lucy’s mind as effectively as any drug.
“Kate?”
Nothing.
“C’mon, Whistler, I’m not going anywhere.”
Lucy winces as the crying picks up a bit.
“Please?”
Still nothing.
“I will camp out on this floor if I have to.”
When her threat garners no reaction either Lucy leans back on her hands settling in to think.
And it’s not like she’s going to just leave Kate alone in this state, ex or no but she does idly wonder if Kate realizes she’s blocking the only exit.
Lucy grabs her jar taking another small sip when an idea strikes. She dips her fingers into the amber liquid swirling it around a bit as she ponders following through on a possibly suicidal course of action.
Ultimately her hesitation amounts to a split second before she’s flinging the droplets directly at Kate.
The blonde head jerks up as the rum makes contact splattering across her skin.
Red-rimmed eyes stare owlishly back at her “Did-did you just flick water at me?”
Despite the situation and the slight bit of snot pooling under her nose Lucy has to work to stifle a giggle at the sheer indignation of Kate’s tone.
“Rum, actually.” Lucy says, taking a sip in demonstration.
“You flicked rum at me?” Kate demands unfurling her limbs. Lucy bites back a curse when Kate’s leg narrowly misses grazing her own. She somehow always forgets a decent amount of space isn’t enough space when one is sharing it with a freaking giraffe.
“Mhmm,” is Lucy’s only response. And if she knows it’s a register that drives Kate Whistler absolutely insane so be it.
“You are such a child.” Kate complains, arms flitting around her body but never managing to settle.
“To be fair I do think an actual child would have flicked water on you.”
And was it really so wrong to find that nose flair Whistler had going on when she was pissed attractive?
The fight’s gone as soon as it comes though and Kate sags back against the wall.
Lucy definitely prefers the anger.
“What are you doing here Agent Tara?”
Lucy winces at the title and then winces again when the fact that she still hadn’t come up with a suitable reason as she hadn’t really meant to show up at all causes the unfortunate truth to spill out.
“I missed you.”
It hangs heavily in the air.
And Lucy wishes she could take it back when Kate flinches.
“I don’t know what you want from me Lucy. You asked for space and I’ve been trying to give it to you.”’
Kate rises a bit unsteady on her feet avoiding looking at Lucy who in turn sits on her hands to stem the instinctive urge to reach out and help stabilize her.
Lucy’s eyes track Kate watching intently as she wanders over to the kitchen area coming to a stop in front of the pizza box. Lucy’s brow furrows as she watches Kate absentmindedly tracing a pattern across the top that Lucy can’t make out.
Both glasses once again in hand Lucy eases off the ground and cautiously plants herself with the kitchen island firmly between them.
“You should go, Lucy.” Kate says but it lacks the bite from that first time.
Still enough for a case of deja vu.
Another crossroads but this time Lucy does wonder if maybe she’s overstepping.
“You really want me to leave?”
All she can do is ask and then respect Kate’s wishes.
“Of course I don’t, I would give just about anything for you to stay but I can’t-fuck-
And Lucy can’t help if her jaw drops just a little. She was pretty sure she could count on one hand the number of times she'd heard Whistler curse.
Outside the bedroom, at least.
Kate notices and pinches the bridge of her nose, “It’s a swear word not treason .” She mumbles.
She straightens her shoulders and Lucy watches a bit in awe as her professional veneer falls over the woman.
It doesn’t erase the tear tracks or the ensemble but the shift is palpable.
“I am clearly not operating at peak efficiency. I understand that I hurt you and I am so incredibly sorry that I did. And I want to make amends but what I don’t want is to compromise your integrity in my current uh state.”
Lucy blinks because ah, yes there’s the tone that leaves no room for relationships and love and feelings or whatever else orders come before. And okay Lucy knows she should be focusing on the words Kate is actually saying while employing a clear defense mechanism but she’s responded to the tone before sense kicked in.
“So you want me to leave because what? You’re worried I find sobbing women wholly irresistible?”
Lucy holds up a hand to stall whatever words might accompany Kate’s wounded expression.
“I’m sorry that was uncalled for.”
Lucy sees the harsh bob of Kate’s throat as she swallows, “It was.”
Lucy nods, “You know,” She starts, the right side of her mouth quirking into a rueful smile, “That was the first time you actually apologized to me?”
Kate’s eyes widen and then slip shut as her arm moves to wrap around her middle.
“And look,” Lucy continues, “I heard you and we don’t have to hash anything out right now but I’d like to stay if you’re okay with that?”
It’s quiet for long enough that Lucy thinks maybe the right thing to do is leave Kate to her privacy.
But before she can move she finds herself caught in Kate’s stare as the other woman opens her eyes.
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to think I’m-I’m not...” Kate trails off again seemingly frustrated by her inability to get her words right.
“I just don’t want don’t want you to feel like you have to.” She shrugs.
Lucy raises an eyebrow “I know we clearly need to work on our overall communication skills but I know you’ve realized by now you can’t actually make me do anything I don’t wanna.” She says smugly.
Kate’s shoulders drop and her head tilts in exasperation but she seems calmer already.
“Seriously though,it’s just- Kate you know being vulnerable isn’t the same thing as manipulating people into caring about you right?”
The look on Kate’s face actually cracks Lucy’s heart a bit.
She’s starting to think maybe Kate doesn’t.
Lucy starts inching her way around the island, grabbing a clean tissue on her way closer to Kate whose eyes are fixed on a point well above Lucy’s head.
She flicks her gaze down catching Lucy’s who’s now closer than they’ve been while not reading a work file since the last morning they spent at Kate’s apartment. “I just, I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have Luce.”
“And I appreciate that but I thought we weren’t doing this tonight?”
“Yes, I just want you to know I’m not playing games, I swear.”
And Lucy softens even more, finally placing a gentle hand on Kate’s arm.
“I mean if this was a play to get me back it’s definitely a weird one.” She says and then winces, “Sorry, again, that was a dumb joke, a poorly timed one.”
But Kate’s looking at her with shiny eyes that can’t be blamed entirely on tears.
“Maybe you should take your own advice then, on reading the room?”
Lucy does the mature thing and responds by sticking her tongue out at Kate.
Kate just kind of purses her lips until Lucy offers up the tissue and then it looks like she might start crying all over again at the gesture.
She doesn’t though, just bites her lip and excuses herself to the bathroom but lingers just long enough that Lucy assures her she’ll still be here when she gets out.
Lucy isn’t quite sure what to do with herself in the interim. She tries sitting on the couch but that feels off so she wanders back over to her rum, picking it up and moving over towards the pizza.
Plates, maybe? Kate should definitely eat something.
She flips open the lid in curiosity and freezes.
Lucy is still locked in a staring contest with the pizza when Kate reemerges looking slightly less disheveled than she’d been when she left, her arms full of blankets.
Lucy for her part doesn’t look up right away as she tells Kate, “I was gunna get you a slice of pizza but honestly I have even more questions than I did before I opened the box?”
Kate shakes her head fondly but her smile is sad, “That is every single topping the place had on double stacked crust for reinforcement and an ungodly amount of extra cheese to cement it all together.”
Lucy just raises both eyebrows while Kate keeps smiling that sad smile.
“Would you mind grabbing it actually?” She requests, angling her head towards the coffee table in front of the couch.
Lucy has to awkwardly use her elbow to clear a wide enough space and that’s when her brain processes the VHS’ scattered on the table.
She’s busy squinting in confusion at the tapes and not looking at Kate when she asks, “Are you actually planning on eating this or were you trying to win a bet for the most money ever spent on a pizza?”
The laugh that comes out of Kate seems to surprise them both.
But when Lucy looks up she finds Kate’s arms no longer blanket laden and her hands wringing together as she stares at Lucy warily.
“Today is Noah’s birthday.”
A bunch of tiny observations come together with that proclamation to hit Lucy square in the chest.
Kate doesn’t acknowledge Lucy’s sharp intake of breath seemingly determined to get this out now that she’s started, “Most people think death anniversaries are the worst and maybe it’s just because I didn’t find out until days after or- I don’t know but we always celebrated our birthdays together. Our mom would order us pizza and we’d get to go to blockbuster to pick movies instead of the library because it was a special occasion.”
“Guess that explains,” Lucy gestures at the videos on the table, “I wouldn’t’ve pegged you for a sci-fi person or someone who owned a VCR.”
“They were his.”
“Ah,” Lucy softly pads over and subtly guides Kate down to the couch.
Lucy watches her as she picks up a throw pillow and hugs it tightly to her chest. “Even when he was a teenager and should’ve been too cool for his socially awkward little sister, he never celebrated his actual birthday with his friends or his girlfriend; it was always just him and me.”
“I knew he had to be a great guy.” Lucy says with a sincere smile, “You know,” Lucy bumps her shoulder against Kate, “One of my brothers caught a venomous snake and gave it to me for my birthday when I was like nine.”
Kate looks a bit alarmed despite the fact that Lucy clearly survived the ordeal just fine. “And did he-”
“Know it was dangerous? Oh yeah.” Lucy laughs. “He can be kind of a dick.”
“What did your parents do?”
“Ah see, now they would’ve had to have actually been around for my birthday to have done something about it.”
“So I guess we’re not so different after all in that regard.” Kate goes quiet for a bit and Lucy can see the gears turning in her brain. She places a gentle hand on Kate’s shoulder as she gets up to grab some drinks.
Lucy returns with both glasses of rum and some water to a Whistler wearing one of her more serious faces.
She holds a hand out to Lucy who tentatively takes it, after depositing the glasses on the coffee table, and sinks down onto the couch next to Kate. Just not too close.
“I know I said we couldn’t do this tonight,” She says, lightly lifting their joined hands, “But there’s at least one thing I really want to clear up, if you’d be okay with that?”
Lucy takes a deep breath and lets go of Kate’s hand but manages to keep her voice steady when she consents.
Kate runs her now free hand through her hair casting around for how to begin, “When I tried to talk to you after, you said that at least you knew why I tried so hard to keep secrets, that it was because-because-”
Lucy rubs the back of her neck as Kate stumbles, unable to call Lucy her side piece even to quote Lucy herself.
“It-Cara had nothing to do with wanting to keep a low profile at work or shying away from public outings.”
Lucy tilts her head.
“I know that’s not how it looked, but” And here Kate sighs heavily. “This, you, us, was completely new to me and-” Kate grits out the next part, “I am not the best at handling new things-emotionally speaking.”
Lucy’s brow furrows, “Okay I’m not trying to be a bitch here but I don’t get how that could possibly be true.”
Kate bobs her head, “I just- I’ve never cared enough to really and I mean really try with anyone since- Not until you.”
“I’m starting to get the feeling I’m missing something major here.” Lucy says before pressing her lips together.
“My parents kicked me out when I was sixteen.” Kate blurts words all running together.
That catches Lucy completely off guard, “Shit.”
Kate actually laughs wetly at that, “Yeah. Her name was Mary. We were young and too in love, it made us careless. When we got caught she panicked, said I forced her, she got sent to a boarding school for troubled kids and if it hadn’t been for Noah I would’ve ended up on the streets.”
Lucy reaches back out for Kate’s hand lacing their fingers together when Kate offers no resistance.
“He was just getting off his first tour after graduation and managed to get a temporary dispensation for me to live with him. I was able to finish high school and when I got a full ride to Northwestern he went back overseas and then…”
“Wait-” Lucy says jolting upright, piecing together one of Kate’s earlier comments, “You said- Did your parents not tell you your brother died?!”
Kate’s smile is heartbreaking, “Caught that did you? Noah was their golden child, they resented that he took me in and didn’t want me bringing shame on the family by showing up at the funeral.”
“Kate, that’s awful.”
“Yeah well we all pretend like it never happened.”
“Hold on so you’re on speaking terms now?”
“Only sort of,” Kate cringes at the next bomb she’s about to drop,”My dad’s the director of the CIA.”
Lucy nods a bit manically, “Of course he is.” Lucy reaches for her rum. “This is a lot of information.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Lucy shakes her head, swallowing the sip she’d taken from her glass, “No don’t be. I just wish you’d told me all this before, well you know.” She says with a shrug.
Kate hangs her head, “I do. I was actually going to ask if you would celebrate Noah’s birthday with me this year, I mean before everything. I’d never- you were the only person who never felt like you’d be an intrusion.”
“Kate-” And it’s the first time Lucy’s shed any tears about the situation where Kate could see them.
Kate for her part desperately looks like she wants to reach out but isn’t sure what the rules are now. Instead she says, “You are magnetic. I tried so hard to stay away from you but you just kept me pulling back in.”
Lucy stands up and starts pacing.
“So now it’s my fault.” The cutting edge of those words is blunted by Lucy’s tears.
“Of course not! I only meant that I’ve never just gone bowling and eaten nachos or whatever it was always drunken hook-ups or flings with gay until graduation sorority sister’s who wanted it hidden more than I did. And then when I was in DC the same city as my homophobic father the literal spy it was all clandestine meetings and never being seen together in public.”
“And Cara?” Lucy asks and if sounds bitter she figures she’s entitled to that at least.
“She didn’t care.” Kate shrugs.
“It was refreshing and we just sort of fell into a relationship I guess? We both worked crazy hours in similar jobs. She didn’t give a shit about who my dad was even though he could’ve made her career difficult. And the sex was amazing.” To Kate’s credit she seems to regret saying that last part immediately even before Lucy’s scowl registers. “We worked until we didn’t because things weren’t all that serious. It’s why I thought just moving would be enough.”
At Lucy’s eye roll all Kate can say is “We’ve established I fucked up.”
Lucy meanwhile is reeling from everything she’d just learned. The things it changed and what it didn’t. But for the first time since she heard the words ‘Whistler’s girlfriend from DC’ she felt hope mixed in with the negative cocktail of emotions surrounding the situation.
And so it’s on that note-
“My family is extremely wealthy. Like stupid rich.”
Kate just blinks back at her in confusion, “Okay?”
“My parents used that money to control every aspect of our lives, our clothes, our friends, our hobbies, our romantic prospects. Everything. It took years of meticulous planning, strategic losses and hard work to extricate myself from their grasp. And I swore when I got out that I wouldn’t ever hide who I was or what I wanted ever again. Until you.”
“Lucy-” She cuts herself off at Lucy’s head shake.
“The thing is when you wanted to keep things compartmented that’s why my hackles went up and it took me a beat to tamp down on that reflex. When you opened up about trying, I clearly didn’t have all the details but I thought I understood and then-
“When Cara showed up and you thought I’d been actively playing you it added insult to injury.”
“Yeah, Not that having an entire girlfriend you never mentioned wouldn’t have been reason enough.”
Kate holds up her hands, “Of course not.”
Lucy collapses back onto the couch with less of the purposeful distance she’s been keeping between them lately.
“Do you know what hurt the most about that day? Why I’ve been so So angry at you these past weeks?”
Lucy looks over to see Kate worrying at her thumbnail with her teeth. She stops when she catches Lucy looking and merely shakes her head no.
Lucy lets her head drop back against the couch cushion, eyes fixed on the ceiling as she says, “I almost died.”
She ignores the pained noise that rises from Kate’s throat, “and I don’t mean on strike-teams, in shoot-outs, or close calls with explosions and car chases almost died or even in a sustained injuries from brawls and scraps kind of way.”
Lucy struggles a moment to control her breathing flashes from that fight on the rooftop rising unbidden in her mind.
“I mean that if the glass had been just that much weaker or he’d been that much stronger, or I moved my foot an inch over when he charged that it would’ve been my body they were scraping off the sidewalk instead of his.
“Lucy.”
And Lucy finally looks over at Kate’s utterly stricken expression.
“I almost died,” Lucy said tears flowing freely now, “And the only thing I could think of as someone tried to shove me off a roof was that I’d never get to see you again and it wouldn’t even matter because you were with someone else”
The last thing Kate is thinking about is rules when she reaches out to wrap Lucy in a hug. Lucy falls into the embrace burying her head in Kate’s shoulder as the tears continue coming.
Kate holds on for dear life a litany of apologies spilling from her lips.
Lucy manages to pull herself together before too long. Grateful she hadn’t bothered to put on eyeliner this morning when she sees the wet spot she’d left on Noah’s shirt.
She wipes under her eyes with the back of her hand and finally looks at Kate whose face is streaked again as well. “I’m sorry about that.” Lucy says with a smile just short of self-deprecating.
She reaches up and gently wipes a few tears from Kate’s cheek. Kate’s eyes flutter shut at the contact, her breath hitching slightly and Lucy knows she won’t be able to logic her way out of the fact that she’s still a complete goner for this woman.
“Hey, Whistler.”
Kate’s eyes flutter open and she has to blink a few times to get her bearings.
“Hmm?”
“We’ve still got a lot to talk about and there’s trust has to be rebuilt and we can start that when we haven’t got a birthday to celebrate but uhm,” Lucy reaches up again this time to tuck some hair behind Kate’s ear, “Can I kiss you?”
Kate for her part looks completely stunned.
“Seriously?” She manages, still slack-jawed.
And Lucy leans in deliberately biting her bottom lip as she says, “ I mean not if you don’t want.”
Kate half-lunges for the smaller woman before abruptly pulling short in a way that looks quite frankly painful, “Are you sure?”
And Lucy’s smile turns fond as she gently threads her fingers through Kate’s hair until she’s got a decent position near the back of her head to pull her in close enough for their lips to meet.
It’s a sweet and simple kiss full of promise and things left unspoken but it leaves them both breathless as they pull away smiling like fools at each other.
Lucy’s the one who breaks first eyes shifting forward, “So what’s up first for this movie marathon?” She asks, clapping her hands together.
Kate takes a second to change gears before being able to respond.
“A New Hope.” She says with a wink, “I’m actually gunna go make some popcorn. Do you think you can pop in the movie?”
“Sure thing.” Lucy sings. “So were you actually allowed to order this monstrosity of a pizza when you were kids?” Lucy questions, bumping into the box as she grabs the video Kate requested.
Kates laughter rings throughout the apartment, “Absolutely not, that tradition was actually born when Noah turned thirteen, I think. Our parents were out of town for his birthday that year and decided we were old enough to stay alone with the neighbors checking in.”
She has to raise her voice to be heard over the whirring of the air popper that’s just been plugged in, “And then they got a charge for over a hundred bucks for a pizza and the next time we had to stay with our grandparents.”
“That is amazing.” Lucy giggles. And then, “So we’re doing Star Wars,” Lucy says, scanning the now empty box of ‘Episode IV A New Hope’ in her hand, the paused movie screen flickering in the background, “That’s cool, I’ve never actually seen it.”
Kate nearly drops the bowl of popcorn she’d started to bring over to the couch and Lucy steps in before her jugging of plates and full snack bowl ends up with everything clattered on the floor.
“Wait, you’ve never seen Star Wars?! You gave me shit for having never seen Duck Tales and you’ve never seen Star Wars?”
“Yep.” Lucy drawls, exaggeratedly popping the ‘p’.
Lucy helps Kate arrange the blankets into a very basic fort another tradition Kate confirms, one that predated the pizza. Though she shares the construction was always more Noah’s forte and that he’d built some truly epic ones over the years. There are pictures somewhere she promises Lucy. And if Lucy is already thinking of ways to build the biggest, baddest, most epic blanket fort Kate’s ever seen in Noah’s honor next year… well no one can actually prove that can they?
Once they’ve settled in, Kate nestled into Lucy’s front and the opening credits rolling Kate laughs lightly.
“What?” Lucy questions, carding her fingers through Kate’s hair.
“Nothing just Noah would get a kick out of being the one to introduce my girlfriend to Star Wars.”
Lucy can’t see Kate’s face. So she isn’t exactly sure if the moniker was intentional but there’d be time enough tomorrow for that conversation.
For now she just drops a kiss on the top of Kate’s head and turns her attention to the screen.