Something Like Love

Falling for Kang Taehyun was easy, this was something Soobin knew by heart: for all their lives, and for all the time after.
He knew he loved him.
He had fallen for him like clockwork, like something to be expected -- like leaves from trees in the fall.
But for Taehyun, he loved Soobin their entire lives.
He just didn’t know it yet.
He fell before he even knew he had.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

You never really stop playing House.

All the small ideas of home, building dreams, rebuilding, painting, cherishing, cleaning. No, it was easy to play House – fun, too.

It always felt natural, like warm gold light filtering through dust and glass, shining on freshly mopped floors and mahogany cabinets. Playing house was something that really never stopped.

“Soobin, hurry up.” Taehyun whined. “We don’t need any more fruit.”

Taehyun would push their cart forwards, filled to the brim with fresh produce, he’d scowl, turn, and snap his fingers at Soobin in a feigned attempt to get his attention.

Soobin would sigh, roll his eyes every degree of endeared as he set the watermelon back down.

“Yes, dear.”

You never really stop playing House.

Taehyun and Soobin had been playing House this entire summer, staying in Taehyun’s family beach house on their own – they spent the days swimming, surfing, and relaxing. They also spent the days sweeping, cooking, and shopping for things like groceries or toilet cleaner.

They did everything together, not just this summer, but their entire lives. Like kids who never really grew up, Soobin loved playing house with Taehyun. Sometimes, though, he wishes that it could be real.

The cruel truth was that they had been playing House a lot longer than just a summer – Soobin thinks they’ve played it their entire lives.

In third grade, when they both would argue over who had to play the mom; to the next week, when Taehyun’s mother sat them both down and told them that they could play House, and both be dads.

From then, to grade six, when Soobin broke his leg, riding his bike down the grassy knoll by their neighborhood, Taehyun took every moment he could to watch over Soobin, even when he knew he didn’t need to.

All the space between, lived in a fake kitchen that Taehyun got for Christmas. He’d make Soobin fake meals, made of gourmet air, as he returned from a long day’s work .

Soobin would sit, Taehyun would serve. And, just as he had seen, Soobin would inhale the delicious scents of homemade food and would take a big bite with a satisfied grin. He’d tell Taehyun that he always cooked so well with a lovesick smile.

One day, all that fake food turned real, Taehyun picked up quite a few tips from his mother and became a wonderfully decent cook. And for Soobin that lovesick smile turned real, too.

He wanted Taehyun to want him. Craved it in the way he craved breathing, and water, and, like, everything else Soobin needed for survival.

“We already have two watermelons at home,” Taehyun relays to Soobin as he joins his side at checkout. “A third one would go to waste.”

Soobin sighs. “You eat way more watermelon than you think.”

“Maybe so.” Taehyun’s begun loading the conveyor belt, stacking things in neat lines that would make packing up easier, he ushers Soobin past him handing over reusable grocery bags. “But I have to cut and package it up, and two is enough work as is.”

“If you say so.” Soobin mumbles, hands busy as he carefully sets eggs on top of a few boxes of pasta. “I could always help you, you know?”

Taehyun shakes his head, handing over a few bills, the cha-ching of a cash drawer opening is followed by coins and a lengthy bill being placed back in Taehyun’s hand. He shoves it all in his pocket, not bothering with his wallet. “No, no.” He replies, pushing himself and their cart out of the way for the next customer. “I deal with chopping the fruit, you deal with sweeping.”

Soobin grins, setting bags back in their cart. “You’re too strict.”

Taehyun sticks out his tongue, reaching past Soobin to grab a few unbagged packages of chips. “You like it.”

With everything unpacked, put in its place, Taehyun did get a start on chopping watermelon.

“Taehyun –”

It really was only a start, though.

“It’s nothing,” he replied with a hiss and a towel suppressed around two fingers.

“Yeah, right. ” Soobin pulls Taehyun away from blood and fruit, he sits him down at the breakfast nook. “Don’t move.” He points an accusatory finger at Taehyun, turning around and picking up his broom from where he had dropped it. He props it against the kitchen island, pointing for it to stay as well. It shifted uneasily to one side.

“If you’re looking for the first-aid kit, it’s above the –”

“I know where it is,” Soobin replies, already reaching above the fridge to pull down the kit. “I’ve lived in this house before, you know.” He walks back to Taehyun.

“Yeah, I know,” Taehyun replies as Soobin carefully peels away the towel. The damage isn’t all that bad, he’s bleeding a bit, but it’s nothing that a little love couldn’t heal.

Soobin waits for Taehyun to be patched up before he delivers the worst news. “I’m cooking tonight.”

“ What , Soobin no –” Taehyun stands up after him. “It was just a small cut.”

“Clearly you’ve forgotten how to use knives,” Soobin replies, his grin doting, quirked upwards. “Who knows what else you’ve forgotten.”

“Soobin.”

“What if you burn yourself? Or slip? What if you skimp out on the salt?”

“You’re thinking of yourself.” Taehyun’s frown vanishes, marching behind Soobin as he sets the first-aid kit away. He follows as he makes his way to abandoned watermelon – packaging what he could before throwing away anything that was just a tad bit too red.

He got down on a knee to pull an old cast iron pot from below the kitchen island. Taehyun wanted to make pot roast for dinner that day: delicious tender beef with an array of vegetables soaking in broth, wine, and fat, over a few hours. Taehyun always served it with a side of freshly made rice, and Soobin’s mouth watered at the taste. He knew how to make it, of course, but it’d never taste as good as Taehyun’s.

“Soobin, stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to protect me – I’m not made of glass.”

With that, Soobin stands up straight, setting the deep pot on the counter. He couldn’t help that he always wanted to.

He always wanted to protect him, that is. Because Taehyun wasn’t made of glass, no. But he was delicate. Soobin had seen it firsthand their whole lives, yes. In scratches, bruises, and cuts – much like today. Taehyun always wound up getting hurt in one way or the other.

“Whatever you say.” Soobin replies, he walks away, taking a seat across the kitchen island watching Taehyun set the pot on the stove.

He wasn’t made of glass, but Soobin remembers picking him up off the floor, shard by shard, three years ago, after a particularly nasty breakup. And before that, when Taehyun had to say goodbye to his family dog.

Cracks and fragments, little glints of Taehyun against the right lighting, looked like glass.

Soobin didn’t mind. How could he? It was one of the things he loved about him. He just wished Taehyun wouldn’t fight so violently against his hands or his care. Or attention.

It was easier to be people they weren’t. Soobin looked at the broom he propped up, it was easier to pretend they were a couple, sitting in their first house, with dreams heavy and plump like fresh fruit. They’d collect it all slowly, one at a time, filling baskets, and then letting new desires grow.

That is easier, Soobin sighs. Easier than being who they were right now. They were both broke college kids with no more than ten collective dollars to their names – living off the goodwill of their parents, new year’s money, and the occasional spare change found between couch cushions and under beds.

Right now, Soobin could only watch Taehyun, and wish, more than anything, that he could manage to close the space between them. But he couldn’t, not without Taehyun wanting to, as well. It’s how they did everything: together.

“Soobin, can you help me chop some carrots?”

Soobin looks back at him.

An olive branch.

Taehyun stared at him warmly, as warmly as a heat warning amidst an already hot June summer – love soaked, surrender soaked, Soobin added dryly. He’s not one to deny Taehyun such simple pleas, and they were already in the middle of a heat wave. No need to add to it .

“Of course I can, Taehyun.” Soobin grins. He hops off the adjacent bar seat, the low creak of the metal bar springs upwards as his feet hit the ground. He takes the knife from Taehyun’s bandage wrapped hand. He walks just a tad too close, too close for such warm June weather beating down on them through stagnant air and an AC as old as them both. “See, was that so hard?”

Taehyun’s brows twitch as he looks up at Soobin, he doesn’t move, though. Soobin notes that for later. “Was what so hard?”

“Asking me for help.” Soobin sniffs, turning his attention to the chopping board. He begins to chop; careful slices of carrot begin to fill up one half of the board.

Taehyun scoffs, stalking away and grabbing a colander and a box filled with greens. “No, Soobin, it wasn’t hard.” He doesn’t dare look back at Soobin, for now, Taehyun would rather save himself from Soobin’s inevitable pouty smirk that screamed I told you so in every language.

It never comes, however.

“See,” Soobin says instead, his voice focused. Taehyun steals a glance, watching him cut carrots. “You’re stronger than me.”

Soobin’s voice is a murmur, quiet, almost inaudible because of the hood fan. But his words are like an echo in Taehyun’s heart. Louder, reverberating back, back, back, through every chamber like a prayer, his heart is a temple. Soobin thinks he’s strong .

Before, he would never think so himself, but now? It just might be possible.

They had been neighbors forever.

That’s how they met.

Taehyun was a few years younger, and maybe, maybe , they had originally been calloused and jaded towards the other: But it was nothing a light scolding couldn’t mend.

At first it was trivial things, like Pokémon card trades, and four-leaf clovers. Things like stolen pieces of chalk, and water balloon fights turned vicious.

And then there was their first real fight.

If you asked Taehyun, Soobin had purposefully rode his bike into him. And if you asked Soobin, he would tell you he yelled at Taehyun to get out of the way – but he didn’t . Yes, this was quite an argument to behold.

However, if you asked Huening Kai, or Choi Beomgyu, or Choi Yeonjun, they would all tell you the same thing.

That thing being that Soobin was distractedly staring at a dragonfly that had soared past him, and Taehyun was crouched down, inspecting a small caterpillar. Neither of them were being too cautious and they had collided into one another with enough power to total a small town.

Beomgyu would say he helped the two of them solve their argument by forcing them to understand that neither person was to blame. Soobin would say, now, that this approach was the most reasonable, and is exactly what helped. Then , however? He wasn’t too sure.

Yeonjun would deny Taehyun’s solution, he’d say that he helped the two of them by forcing them to hold hands and talk out their issues. Soobin thought that maybe it could work, but Taehyun wound up squeezing his hand too tight, and then Soobin bit him, and that led to another fight.

Huening Kai would agree with his other friends, he’d say he helped by listening to both sides of their stories, though he wound up forgetting what they were fighting about halfway through.

Truthfully, while each friend attempted to resolve the fresh crack in the foundations of their so-called friendship, none of them really helped. No, in fact, Soobin and Taehyun managed to move past it a few weeks later. All on their own.

You see, Taehyun had a sprinkler, and mid-summer heat was no joke. So, when he noticed a familiar pair of eyes stalking him out between the shared fence of their backyards: he simply offered Soobin the chance to join with a hand extended. A hand which was home to an extra pair of goggles.

It was a rout from there, and by the start of the next grade year, Taehyun and Soobin had become annoyingly inseparable and true best friends.

Summer heat brought us together, Soobin thinks now. He’s showering, water ice cold to attempt to combat the hot, scorching weather.

Then again of course, it did. Heat was oppressive, sticky, it made it uncomfortable to survive, let alone live . If there were one thing that would force Taehyun and Soobin to join forces: It would be the sun beating down on them, equally .

Maybe that’s why it made so much sense that they would spend every summer together. Just like this. Just the two of them, sweat slicked and wading in one another’s company – doing the most mundane things. There was a comfort in the heat, even when it was stifling. Soobin couldn’t help but be reminded of the first time Kang Taehyun extended an olive branch.

Under the spray of shower, he can recall the cool chill of sprinkler water with ease . He grins into the spray, letting the water depuff his face.

It stops.

He opens his eyes. The light drip, clink, drip of the water from the showerhead spilling onto the rim of the tub is all that remains of his prospective shower. He sighs, pulling open the shower curtain and wrapping a towel around his waist. “ Taehyun, the shower’s not working!”

“What? Really? ” Taehyun yells back. His voice is distant, and Soobin can make out faint notes of freshly brewed coffee. “Do you know why?” His voice gets louder as he gets closer.

Soobin pulls his phone from the counter, shaking his head. “No idea.” He began crafting a message to their joint family group chat. “Might as well let everyone know for now.”

Taehyun snorts.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Soobin sends the message and looks up at Taehyun. He’s leaning against the open door frame, cup of coffee cuddled in his hands, a bashful smirk on his face, his eyes drag down freely, though they too pointedly flick back up to Soobin’s forehead.

It’s domestic, like they’ve done this a million times before. Though Soobin thinks if he could do things his way, then Taehyun would’ve joined him in the shower, and then he would’ve brought them both coffee after laying Taehyun back down in bed. But that was wishful, and he needed to consider the consequences of turning red right now.

He shifts his thoughts away from wants, returning to needs . “I told them that the shower stopped working, my dad thinks it might be because the pressure valves are old.”

“So, what does that mean?” Taehyun asks, taking a sip of coffee.

Soobin sighs, setting down his phone. “It means that for now? We take baths.”

Taehyun shrugs, ever so fleeting. “No problem, baths can be nice. Now hurry up, I want breakfast.”

“Whatever you want,” Soobin replies, sugar dripping from his words like poison. He rolls his eyes, leaning against the counter looking at his reflection. He notices the bubbly streaks of shampoo licked up through his sideburns and hair. He sighs.

Kang Taehyun loved watching him make a fool of himself. It truly was one of his favorite pastimes.

Today, it was midday relaxation with Taehyun.

Taehyun . Who doesn’t even have to open his eyes to know.

“What are you looking at?”

Soobin stutters, shifting his gaze to the sea. “Nothing.”

It wasn’t his fault, not entirely. Taehyun just looked so good under the sun. Besides, with his eyes closed as he attempted a midday nap – he looked peaceful. So peaceful.

These were part of the moments Soobin loved, because Taehyun was excellent at being in charge when he was well awake. So, this was nice. It made Soobin feel like he could probably do anything and get away with it. Maybe he’d pick him up and take him to bed, maybe he’d pull him by the ankles and laugh. Maybe he’d still a kiss or two, maybe three if Taehyun was good to him.

God, Soobin wants to kiss him.

It’d be a great way to shut him up, it’d be a great way to stop him from winning an argument. Kissing Taehyun would be the perfect medium. All love and all hate, fighting and loving. Soobin would let Taehyun win.

It’s kind of nice to go from sprinklers to a whole ocean. Soobin got up. It’s like the world is growing with us .

He hoped that one day they could grow together.

“I’m going to get some fruit.”

There’s a feigned whine, warm fingers around Soobin’s wrist.

“Why?”

Soobin sits back down, watching Taehyun stare at him, on his side, eyes lidded, brows furrowed with renewed obligation.

He shrugs. “You don’t want watermelon?”

Taehyun shakes his head. “Stay. Isn’t it nice out here?”

His fingers drop away and Soobin, who can’t imagine a sensation worse, travels back to his hand – looping their fingers together.

There were always so many moments with him. With Taehyun. All of them were just like this. Sugary and warm, like cotton candy melting in your mouth. Memories with Taehyun felt like that, but way better, because they were endless . Soobin could circle backwards through them all like a pro if he wanted.

But the thing is, all of them meant something, and devolving downwards into meaning was like trying to quantify every emotion ever. It was like trying to wrangle a soaring bundle of birds, or like trying to scoop up schools of tetras with his bare hands.

He’d always miss a few – he’d miss a lot .

It’s not that he wasn’t good with words. But the way he felt never felt easy.

Instead, he grumbles, “yeah, I guess.” And lays back down on the daybed with Taehyun. This time he’s not staring out at the ocean: he’s staring at Taehyun, watching his lips quirk into a honey sweet smile, watching the way the breeze moves a few strands of gold hair up against his cheek. His eyes close and he squeezes Soobin’s hand.

It was louder than butterflies swarming in his stomach, easier than the crushing weight of boulders on his shoulder.

There was always some between. Though, even there, Soobin knew that there were moments he’d never find the right time to introduce. Quiet moments like this, like fleeting dragonflies, or skittish rabbits, would elude Soobin before he ever thought to catch them.

It was hard, or maybe it was really easy. These quiet times – between beautiful fires, those moments, these moments. Soobin couldn’t find enough paper in the world to note the delicate, insurmountable silences that would surround them both. Like an entire world of one another so loud it rocked into silence. An entire universe lived between the two of them, a universe only Soobin saw.

Taehyun was kind of like that.

Understated , but bold . He’d stand his ground and wait. He’d wait for the inevitable topple of Soobin talking over him, or of Soobin pushing him around with a quirked smile and a hand on his shoulder. Even in those moments, he was bold – he’d take it, willingly. This was something that Soobin loved. He did.

Those moments would die with Soobin, would stay locked up in his head. One day, though, they’d be unleashed. Maybe – Soobin thinks, with the right key, he’d spill it all.

One day . Soobin imagines giving a toast, finally telling people about that one dirty joke Taehyun whispered in his ear when they were just kids. He imagines dinners, somewhere fancy – the kind of place he and Taehyun were certain they could never afford to eat in, and he’d tell their friends about the day he scorched their dinner beyond repair, and Taehyun fixed it. He’d tell Taehyun’s parents about how Taehyun and him would make excuses about chores to hang out with each other.

And finally, he’d tell Taehyun when he knew he loved him.

Soobin’s universe: He would die with it, cuddled in his chest. He was only human, and his love was all he had – but that’s all it was.

Love.

Taehyun’s breathing evened out, his hand was loose against Soobin’s palm. He was certain in some way that Taehyun loved him back, though he could never know how deep his capacity for Soobin was.

Maybe he loved Soobin the way that people love new clothes. Shiny and new and they make you feel good. Though they had known each other long enough for Soobin to be moth ridden, so that was unlikely. Maybe he loved Soobin the way that bees love pollen and nectar. Out of instinct and survival. It’s more likely .

It’s not what he wanted, though.

Soobin wanted Taehyun to love him for him. In every capacity that he existed in. All of him. His heart, his brain, his thoughts, the marks of a pen scratched grocery list against his arm, everything. He wanted Taehyun to love him down to his bones, deeper and deeper until Soobin ached with it – with him. Soobin wanted to be loved by Taehyun until he was made of love and devotion so deep his body was better than gold, gleaming and secured around Taehyun’s finger.

Oh.

Taehyun stirs in his sleep, frowning lightly before his expression eases. It was like Soobin’s miniature revelation was enough to shock him out of sleep, like somehow, they were connected. Maybe we are.

Soobin holds Taehyun’s hand tighter. Maybe we could be . His cheeks flush at the realization that his small crush may be a bit bigger than he realized. He felt like a child, sitting in a dusty attic, planning a wedding like he was getting married the next day. It’s not really going to happen .

He closes his eyes, Taehyun’s sleepy state washes over him like waves to shore. Soobin yawns, letting thoughts of love sink away, like anchors.

Soobin is moored, he realizes once it’s too late. He’s entrenched to this spot; his love presses the lowest floors of his heart, blue to pitch black, it thumps with weight cultivated over years. Love like steel, it was a heavy anchor to cast. I knew, I always knew – I’ve loved him forever. I have.

He knows he could be unanchored. He could. He would be able to keep himself moving, paddling along across beautiful seas, but he isn’t strong enough to. He doesn’t want to. He listens to the sound of Taehyun breathing against the gentle chime of wind. I like this spot. I do.

He relaxes easily and goes, he hopes that somehow, he and Taehyun dream about the same thing. The thought makes him smile the smallest bit, and as he sleeps, he lets himself think warm things.

The comfort of love, of Taehyun being his, of their bodies being cuddled together over their hands. He hums, thoughts turning viscous with sleep. This could be easy . Soobin goes.

Maybe, in time, it would be.

“So.”

“Yes?”

“They’ll be here any time now,” Soobin replies, pocketing his phone before fluffing up a few pillows.

The two of them had prepared for their other three friends to join them for a night over the summer. Soobin had pestered them for more time, but they were growing up, and that meant being busy.

Kai was off for most of the summer, meeting up with distant relatives and old friends; Beomgyu had taken up a few elective courses and finally had approached his reading week; and Yeonjun had gone traveling with his mother.

The only time the five of them could settle on meeting was now, and even then, it would be short lived. Soobin was still excited, of course. They had known one another forever; it would be like greeting family.

Taehyun grins from where he’s forming beef patties. “That’s perfect. Everything is ready, right?”

Soobin nods, eyeing the throw pillows from where he was standing in the living room. He fluffs them again. “Okay, yes, everything is ready.”

Taehyun rolls his eyes with a smile, moving the last patty and moving to rinse his hands. “ No Soobin. I mean the bedrooms? And the bathrooms?”

“It’s all been cleaned, I promise.” Soobin puts a hand on his chest and raises the other to the sky. “Nothing out of place. It’s all perfect and in order.”

He walks over to the kitchen, Taehyun had just made a fresh batch of fries to go with the burgers they would soon grill and they smelled heavenly . He stares at their golden expanse, watching soft wisps of smoke trail up from under the flaky salt and crisped exterior.

Taehyun bats his hand away before he can take one. “You’ll eat it all before they arrive.”

“No, I won’t,” Soobin whined, he reached over Taehyun, stuffing a too-hot fry into his mouth. The taste is heavenly, not too crispy, perfectly crunchy, and soft on the inside. The roof of his mouth is burned as he swallows and he doesn’t care, going for another. Taehyun is soothed when Soobin hand feeds him one.

“Oh good.” He reaches for another. “They’re perfect.”

“Mhm.” Soobin makes a point to look away as Taehyun licks the last bit of flaky salt and oil from his fingertips. “Anyways, the other three rooms are set for them and – oh .”

There were only four total bedrooms.

“Oh?” Taehyun echoes, eating another fry.

There were five of them.

Soobin clears his throat. “Well, I cleared up my bedroom for Kai, so let me take the couch.” No need to share a bed, there is simply no need.

“What. No, Soobin.”

Don’t offer. Don’t offer. Don’t –

“We can just share,” Taehyun replies, like it was that easy. “Just move your stuff into my room.”

Denying would be weirder than accepting. They had shared beds before – all the time. Denying now would be admitting something was different from all the times before. Soobin couldn’t do that. He didn’t want things to change for Taehyun no matter how burned his own emotions were.

“Okay,” Soobin replies. “Okay, sure.”

“Relax,” Taehyun snorts. “I just don’t want to hear you moaning and groaning about having a sore back from sleeping on the couch.”

Soobin pouts. “I wouldn’t.”

“You would .”

“Yeah, I would.” Soobin sighs in defeat, Taehyun’s triumphant grin feels like a win. God, he really needed to get it together.

“You know,” Taehyun starts. “You wouldn’t have bat an eye about sharing a bed a week ago.”

Soobin shrugs. “I guess.” A week ago, I thought my crush was so small it could fit on the head of a pin. “But it’s no big deal,” he lies. “I’ll go move my stuff.”

“Soobin, wait.” He didn’t sound like himself, he knew Taehyun could hear it, too. He knew Soobin just like this, in every lilt of his voice, in the charming quirk of his grins, the lies that resided in his smile lines, everything and all of it. “Is something wrong –”

The doorbell rings, Soobin perks up.

“They’re here –! ” It’s an undeniable excuse, relief floods through him, the dam doesn’t burst open just yet. Soobin turns on his heel and runs.

Beomgyu is standing on their porch with his overnight bag slung over his shoulder. “Took you long enough.” He grins, resting his shades on top of his head.

Soobin grins, crushing his friend in a hug. Beomgyu replies with a muffled yelp, forced out through impact. “Don’t tell me I took too long when this is the first time I’m seeing you this summer.”

Beomgyu sighs into Soobin’s shoulder. “Yeah, alright.”

Soobin and Beomgyu were really good friends. Like, they were really good friends in the way you can be good friends with someone within the first ten seconds of meeting one another. They got along like they knew each other in a past life. Like they were the same person, but not really. They could never be sick of one another, until they were, of course.

“Yah!” A particularly annoyed scream echoed out from the now parked car. Soobin and Beomgyu looked back, seeing Yeonjun throw down a suitcase. “ Don’t you both stand there without helping us!” Kai pops out from behind the onslaught.

Soobin snorts. “You can go in, I think Taehyun might need some help getting dinner going.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” Beomgyu steps through the door, squeezing Soobin’s shoulder as he goes.

Reuniting is as grand as rain during a drought, it’s as warm as hugs over a fire, as reliable as holding someone’s hand and knowing, with your whole being, that they’re not going to let go.

Soobin wants to hold Taehyun’s hand.

He wants to, and really, he could. But he doesn’t. No.

“You really like him, don’t you?”

Soobin was standing in their kitchen, staring into the living room as Beomgyu, Yeonjun, and Taehyun played Just Dance. Kai joined him, elbowing his side. Soobin noticed the redness that painted his cheeks as he opened another beer. “And which him are you talking about?” Soobin smirks and huffs.

“Taehyun,” Kai says with ease, he became very wise the more he drank.

Soobin drags a finger through the moisture collecting on his still-full second beer. “Maybe I do.”

“Maybe,” Kai snorts. “Yeah, and I maybe like beer.”

“Those aren’t the same.”

“Aren’t they?”

Of course, wisdom bestowed through drunkenness still meant drunkenness, after all.

The two of them watch their friends dance, Yeonjun of course, is nailing it, while Beomgyu has traded his controls for pillows and now was merely attempting to throw Yeonjun off balance. Taehyun tried his best minding his own, turning to watch with a smile as Beomgyu attempted to sabotage the game.

Soobin catches Taehyun’s golden smile from the corner of his eye, he looks back down at the condensation rolling off his drink, anchor sinking lower. “What gave it away?”

Kai doesn’t reply right away, Soobin waits patiently. What was his tell? When did things change? What monumental event, what catastrophic failure, what historic battle had taken place just under Choi Soobin’s nose? And how did he miss it?

“All the little things.”

Soobin’s face scrunches, he looks at Kai, the fringe of his brow screams unimpressed.

Kai laughs. “I’m serious!” He whacks Soobin’s arm. “Like how you take care of all of us, but then you look after Taehyun just a bit more.” He shrugs. “Maybe I don’t know how to explain it. But it’s like there’s us, and then you watch yourself one step more around him. Like you’re scared of spilling milk.”

Soobin bites the inside of his cheek, upset for two reasons. Both mainly being that one, that Kai was right, and two, that Kai was right . There was no point crying over spilled milk, but Soobin would. He would.

It’d be a spill that he would never be able to clean up: He had to be careful in every single way. He couldn’t let himself spill over because there would be no going back. He looks up to the living room, seeing Taehyun now fending off both Beomgyu and Yeonjun. He smiles, Taehyun catches his gaze and smiles back before Beomgyu tackles him.

No, they’d never be able to go back to this. They could never go back to easy.

With everyone else crashing to bed at the ripe hour of three in the morning, Taehyun and Soobin took a little extra time to clean – just a little – before making their way to bed.

Taehyun’s bed smells just like him, it’s one part of it that Soobin is enjoying deeply, he curls the thin summer blankets around him. He sighs, He could live here.

Well, maybe not.

His bed is also a lot smaller than Soobin recalls.

“It’s the same size, Soobin.” Taehyun rolls his eyes, sliding under the covers next to him. “Did you forget that you’ve grown?”

Soobin frowns, feeling his feet hang off the edge. “I mean, yeah. But Isn’t this a bit excessive?” He shakes them.

Taehyun is still sitting up, setting an alarm on his phone, he rolls his eyes. “If you’re not happy with all that height, feel free to give some to me. I could use it.”

“No way,” Soobin snorts. It’s obvious to him, a truth so honest, one he’s repeated so often to himself it feels natural when he goes, “You’re perfect just as you are.”

It’s not his first time making that sort of proclamation. But it was his first time saying something like his walls were nonexistent, like he and Taehyun were always here – wherever here was. It was his first time saying it like he needed to just to breathe.

Taehyun can hear the tack in his words, Soobin knows he can. His love is sticky, syrupy, like no matter how much you wash and scrub your hands, it always feels like there’s a little left over. He knows Taehyun can hear it, because he turns and stares at Soobin from where he’s sitting in bed, unmoving, quiet, and contemplative. Soobin does his best to ignore him, staring at his dangling feet, hoping they can move on.

“Do you remember when we were kids?”

Soobin nods. “Yeah?”

“Do you remember that one fight we had?” Taehyun lies down, lamp still on.

“You need to be more specific,” Soobin replies with a grin. He works up the courage to turn and look at Taehyun. “We have had many .”

Taehyun grins, looking up to the ceiling of his bedroom. “It was just after New Years. My mom made me those raspberry madeleine twists I love, and you ate them all before I got one?”

Soobin’s mouth forms a clementine-shaped oh . He nods, he could never forget those delectable bite sized pieces of heaven. “I remember that. Though in my defense, she said she would make more.”

“Yeah.” He grins. “That was sweet of her, but that’s not the point.”

“What’s the point?”

“We fought.”

“… Yes?” Soobin snorted, looking from Taehyun up to the ceiling with him. “You’ve covered this.”

“Do you remember what I did?”

Soobin’s brows downturn. He recalls the atomic fallout, recalls Taehyun with tired red eyes, he remembers finding it a little cute and a little funny, he remembers making it up to him with a fresh plate that he made all on his own (to this day, Taehyun’s mother will deny helping him, even though she did). “Not really, I don’t think.”

Taehyun giggles, it’s embarrassed sounding – vulnerable sounding, Soobin thinks. “Well, I just got that Fake Kitchen Set, and I threw all the pots down and said I would never cook you another meal.”

Soobin laughs, a full bodied, loving thing. “You did? Oh my god .”

“Don’t laugh,” Taehyun replies despite breaking into a small chuckle himself.

Soobin can’t help it, well, he could, certainly he could, but the thought of it was unfair. It was so like Taehyun, and most probably such a real threat in their eyes at the time. There was nothing to lose in an argument like that, but it still had been so monumental. Taehyun remembered it to this day, so of course, it was important in some way.

“I’m not laughing,” Soobin replies, stomach aching. He takes a calming breath. “I’m just happy we made up, that’s all.”

“Yeah?” Taehyun turns to look at Soobin.

“Yeah.” Soobin turns to look at Taehyun.

They’re close. And Soobin should really turn away, or Taehyun should, but neither do. Then again, neither of them did what they were supposed to do. They did what they wanted, for themselves and for one another.

“If we didn’t make up, then I wouldn’t have you around today,” Soobin grins. “I would be a different person.” Taehyun smiles, Soobin can feel his breath on his cheek when he exhales. They were a lot closer than he thought. “Besides, your food is way too good to give up.”

“Stop playing around,” Taehyun replies with a sweet roll of his eyes, he bats at Soobin’s shoulder.

It’s all it should be, but Soobin’s grabs Taehyun’s hand, holding it to his shoulder. He should let go, but the warm press of Taehyun’s hand to his thin shirt is like the sun breaking through clouds and Soobin is desperate for every drop he can get.

He’s close . It’s all Soobin can think, it’s all he wants to think. Because it was true, and with Taehyun turned towards him – not fighting, just existing, Soobin was becoming greedy. Desperate to show Taehyun how real his love was.

He was so much more than fake meals, played over in a fake kitchen, in a fake house, over fake fires, and fake fights.

He wanted to give Taehyun something real.

“I’m not playing around.” Soobin whispers it, like a secret, like something too loud for words. His heart is pounding, he laces their hands together. He doesn’t want to stop looking at Taehyun’s eyes.

Even here, in moments so intimate, so bare, Soobin couldn’t think to stare at his strawberry lips, couldn’t think to trail hands over the freckles against his cheeks. His eyes were droplets of maple, like amber layered a thousand times over, carved by the Gods themselves. They told Soobin everything he needed to know about himself.

He leans in a bit more.

“Soobin?”

He stops.

They told Soobin everything he needed to know, and now … Now Soobin couldn’t look at them. He couldn’t look at Taehyun. The curiosity in his voice, the unknowing tone, uncertainty laced. Soobin was starting to feel that way himself: Uncertain.

He shakes his head, stupid, ridiculous, well done . He could blame it on being drunk, if one beer counted – he’d make it count. “I’m sorry.”

“What –?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” Soobin drops Taehyun’s hand. The sun retreats behind a canopy of clouds. “Goodnight.” With that he turns to face the wall. God, he’d never be able to fall asleep, but Taehyun didn’t need to know that.

The room settles, the air is brittle, Soobin does his best to remain still as Taehyun shuffles to turn off the light.

He watches the square panes of glass against the wall, illuminated by the moon. There were no shadows since they were in the middle of nowhere. It was peaceful enough, and maybe, Soobin thinks that with enough concentration, he might be able to close his eyes and forget. He would love to forget.

Taehyun shuffles, Soobin tries to turn away more.

He doesn’t get far.

Taehyun pries him downwards, his back hits the mattress.

Soobin’s eyes snap open. “Taehyun –”

It’s all he can get out before Taehyun kisses him.

And then he’s –

And it’s – Oh.

Kissing Taehyun is like taking a trip home. It’s like trailing your hands over long grass, it’s like watching the sunset over lands you know well, it’s a blessing, something like love.

Soobin is enveloped by him: In his bed, under him, Taehyun’s leg is slotted between his. Everything is his , he’s surrounded. Surrounded like the sun is hitting him from all sides, like every inch of him is desire soaked.

He lets himself close his eyes when Taehyun’s hands snake into his hair: It’s then that Soobin is certain he’s not dreaming. He lets himself melt, like butter, or ice cream, he’s nothing more than a puddle of good things. He kisses back, again and again.

He wraps his arms around Taehyun’s waist until their chests are pressed together. Soobin realizes just how small he is, his heart skips, he holds him tighter. This is something delicate, Soobin gasps, I’ll be careful .

They kiss, and it’s like learning to breathe all over again, it’s like living; messy, perfect, sweat slicked, and hungry. They kiss and Soobin can only think of how starved of this he’s been. He’d never be full of this. Never.

Taehyun nips at Soobin’s bottom lip, curious and perfect. Soobin opens for him, kisses him with sweet summer warmth trapped between the two of them, sparking in their chests, as violent and orange as fireworks. Soobin kisses into his mouth, Taehyun moans.

“Soobin.”

“I’ve wanted to do this forever,” Soobin replies, kissing Taehyun in an open-mouthed lick.

Taehyun laughs, it’s indulgent, shocked, wild. Undone . “Me too.”

Years upon years. Soobin’s lighter knowing that Taehyun feels the same way. He wasn’t alone, never was. Their hearts are pounding between their chests, Soobin can’t tell which heartbeat is his own, he doesn’t care. Taehyun was his heart, I don’t care .

His desires are like overripe fruit, languid. Soobin bites and tastes, feels . Above them, the glow-in-the-dark stars they stuck up years and years ago shine.

Kissing Taehyun feels real.

Feels like kissing real stars, the skies, every bow and curve of creation, they pull apart, Soobin decides he doesn’t care about space. He dives down, kissing Taehyun’s neck with wet pecks before his leg skips and Taehyun’s head ducks next to Soobin’s.

Taehyun lets out a shaking whine, and Soobin is so enthralled, so enraptured, that he flips them. The blankets are a twisted mess around them, but Soobin doesn’t care, he kisses Taehyun, again, and again, leaving him dizzy with love.

“Don’t stop.”

He doesn’t want to stop, he can’t. Won’t.

Taehyun noses for his lips, Soobin can’t keep his hands out of his hair. They kiss like they live; they kiss like they breathe; they kiss as they are in all things: together. Here .

Soobin wants to make a mess of Taehyun, he never wants to forget the way his chest is heaving with hot breath, never wants to forget the way Taehyun’s hands grab him back, never wants to forget this feeling of want . As overwhelming as it was; It arrowed through Soobin, so sharp, so perfect .

They’re both beading with sweat, Soobin is addicted. He’d never be able to stop. Taehyun gives him his fill, as much of it as he wants. He’d give too, as much as Taehyun wanted, always. Maybe now, they could play for real – we could be something real .

They break, breathing the same air, sharing the same space. Soobin opens his eyes, looking at Taehyun like he’s seeing him for the first time.

His hair is a golden mess, his lips are swollen and red, glossy with swipes of tongue and saliva. He was every color of the sunset. Pinks and reds and golden yellow, Taehyun was painted, Soobin wanted to sing. Exalted bliss.

Taehyun leans up, asking for more, their kisses turn slow and languid. Never full, no. They’re tangled together under blankets. Soobin’s feet still hang, Taehyun is pressed against him. They face one another and once their last kiss is spread over seconds too short, Taehyun tucks his head against Soobin’s shoulder, taking him in for all he is.

“Sweet dreams,” Taehyun says, and Soobin thinks it doesn’t get any sweeter than this. It couldn’t. Nothing in his dreams could be more indulgent than his reality. No. Being awake was the greediest indulgence of them all: like a twenty-course meal, just for Soobin, he pulls Taehyun closer.

Soobin’s eyes close, just before he lets go, he feels Taehyun place a kiss against his collarbone. No words, it was natural. Too natural. It’s easy. It is.

Summer Heat was unbearable on its own, but now, Soobin thinks he might love it.

It’s the next morning when Soobin is sitting on the back porch of their Beach House, that he realizes he might have spilled a little milk.

He watches as Taehyun runs into the ocean, Kai and Yeonjun are sitting down on the beach watching him too, with Beomgyu slung over his shoulder with blazing red swim shorts and a smile so bright it puts the sun to shame.

Okay more like a glass.

He watches Taehyun as he laughs, head tilted back like he was a sunflower, or a daisy, rearing up for sunlight. He watches as salt and sea water catch down his front, rolling and sliding across his arms and abs with purpose, Soobin’s mind rolls with want.

Okay , no, more like a carton .

Still, he was learning that maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. Maybe spilled milk is just what he needed. He didn’t want to call it yet because who really knew?

… But things were shaping up to be so nice .

He woke up this morning with Taehyun running a hand through his hair.

Summer blaze barely kept out by damp orange curtains, the air conditioning in Taehyun’s room at full blast. All of it was a haze. All of it was dimmed by sweat and skin and Soobin’s burning cheeks as Taehyun leaned in and whispered ‘ Good morning’ in his ear, with a hand on his stomach and a leg kicked over Soobin’s waist. They were indistinguishable.

Even more than that: They felt real.

There was always a fake, sarcastic tone, when it came to their usual banter. The sugary sour bite of ‘Yes, Dear’ , the sweet thorns behind every ‘Whatever you say.’ Or ‘Of course, darling.’

There was no fakery in this. None.

Not when Soobin replied with a warm peck to the corner of his mouth and grinned; not when Soobin meditated, tracing circles on Taehyun’s thigh as he woke up. Love spilled over them in warm waves: sprinkling water replaced by the whole ocean.

Soobin only replied with ‘morning’, but every ounce of the word was quiet, slow. Saturated with love as warm as mid-June heat. Sweet, with no bite. It was real. They were. We are.

Soobin was also a terrible person.

Terrible, horrible, truly the worst. The guilt was insurmountable, too.

“They’re going to notice.”

Soobin grinned into the back of Taehyun’s neck. Outside, Yeonjun was hollering profanities at Kai. “No, they won’t.”

Two days ago, Soobin was desperate to see his other friends again. But, well, things changed – people change, okay? It was terrible, marginally (he had done worse), but God he couldn’t wait for them to hit the road.

“I feel guilty,” Soobin tried to justify in earnest. “I really do.” Another long dangling line down Taehyun’s front.

“Mhm,” Taehyun sighed as Soobin pecked his jaw. “You sure sound like you feel bad.”

He did not.

How could he? Of all the years they’ve known one another – every summer, every heatwave, Choi Soobin has been chilled and restricted. In many ways: he’d been a perfect statue. He’d been a perfect friend, a perfect partner in crime. Taehyun brought out the best in him, teased it out of him like it was natural, like this was the person he was always supposed to grow into. Like they were always meant to wind up together.

Now, he's broken free, and he thinks, more than ever, that they were meant to be together.

“You know how the shower is broken?” He asks, though he doesn’t really have to, he knows. Taehyun knows.

“Mhm?” Taehyun’s task of putting fruit in a bowl has slowed down to under half speed with Soobin’s hands roaming down his sides, washing over his back and ass and arms.

His hands trail under the front of Taehyun’s shirt, riding the flex of his abs. He leans down, another soft peck, he crowds closer. “We should conserve water.”

“We should?”

“Shower together.” Soobin replies dutifully. He feels Taehyun chuckle more than he hears it, he knows Taehyun is red – as red as the watermelon he’s stacking high – he doesn’t have to see it to know. “I make a killer bath.”

He did. Soobin was the king of relaxation. Everything about him was luxe in that sort of casual oasis sort of way, everyone knew this about him: Choi Soobin knew how to have a good time. Taehyun would be a fool to say no, or at least Soobin thinks so.

It’d be all soap and bubbles, scents of rose and Soobin.

Soobin , lathered and lax, laying back under a canopy of foam with just enough room for him. Taehyun groaned, it was like he could feel the over-warm water, like he could hear Soobin chuckle against his ear, breathy and perfect and – “Yeah, yes.”

“Yes?”

“ Please .” He sounded breathless, desperate , Soobin thinks this with a very petty part of him rearing with pride.

Beomgyu chooses this exact moment to stroll out of the washroom, shaking his hands dry in the air. Soobin and Taehyun are at opposite ends of the kitchen by the time Beomgyu walks past: which is exactly what’s so suspicious to Beomgyu.

Neither are looking at the other, Soobin absently fiddles with Tupperware that’s being used for nothing and Taehyun is stacking up watermelon so high it’ll topple the moment he tries to lift the bowl. They’re both red. Beomgyu squints.

“Taehyun.”

He looks up fast , eyes wide with naivety. “Yeah?”

“Maybe ease up on the fruit?”

Taehyun frowns, a scoop of watermelon held midair as he looks down at the overfull bowl. His face drops. “Oh.”

Beomgyu laughs.

“When will you guys be back?” Yeonjun asks Soobin, pulling away from a hug.

Soobin hums. “Last week of Summer Break?”

Yeonjun pouts, young and perfect. “That’s too far away. You’re both babies , who’s going to take care of you?” He scratches at Soobin’s hair, gets on the balls of his feet and pinches Soobin’s cheeks, rubs his face against Soobin’s – he can feel Yeonjun’s stubble prick him.

“ Ah –” Soobin writhes out of his grasp. “I’m not that much younger than you.” He frowns.

“A baby,” Yeonjun replies, peppering kisses against his forehead. “Just make sure you and Taehyun take care of each other.”

“We will,” Soobin groans. Managing to free himself of Yeonjun when Taehyun walks out, carrying the bulk of Beomgyu’s bags. He laughs when Yeonjun tackles him in a hug, Beomgyu’s bags go toppling.

Beomgyu laughs with a vindictive howl, undoubtedly pleased to watch Taehyun and Yeonjun devolve into their usual wrestling. Soobin grins at him. “What, you’re not gonna try to stop them?”

Beomgyu shakes his head. “I’d die , Soobin.”

“With that attitude, maybe.” He sneers, pulling Beomgyu into an unsuspecting hug.

“Ah –” Beomgyu struggles to loosen his grasp. “You’re suffocating me.”

Soobin doesn’t let up, humming contentedly. “My friends are leaving, I’m allowed to hurt you.”

“ Seriously!” Beomgyu pulls back. “You’re turning into Yeonjun.”

Soobin huffs, ruffling the hair of Beomgyu’s head – seriously , there was something that was just so damn magnetic about Beomgyu. It made Soobin want to shove him into next week. Does Yeonjun feel the same? “What does that mean?”

Beomgyu straightens out his shirt, batting away at Soobin as he goes. “It means I’m tired of getting tossed around!” He raises a fist into the air. Taehyun and Yeonjun break for a moment to aw .

“Soobin.” Kai waves him over to the driver’s side door of Yeonjun’s car. “You seem really happy.”

Soobin grins. “I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your best friends are leaving.” Kai shrugs, putting on sunglasses. “I feel like you should be distraught.”

Soobin huffs looking up and over the car with a nod, Kai knew him too well. He’d only seen Soobin for two days and he had read him to filth – Soobin can’t imagine how much Kai would’ve managed to dig up on him if he always joined him and Taehyun here every summer.

“I am distraught,” Soobin replies.

“Mhm,” Kai says. The two of them turn at the sound of Yeonjun shouting profanities: Taehyun had him in a headlock, Beomgyu had turned on his heel to film them.

Taehyun was grinning with a smile that collapsed Soobin’s heart: he was as weak as a cardboard cutout. “On the inside.” Soobin looks back at Kai.

He rolls eyes, Soobin can barely make it out from behind the chocolate brown of his sunglasses. “Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

A man with a better poker face than Soobin would have no issue with a jab like that. A man like Taehyun , he bites the smile off his face.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Soobin’s bedroom is just as he left it.

Bed freshly made, Kai left him a little note with a heart on it, everything was dusted – it hardly looked like he and Taehyun had any company to start.

He could go back to sleeping in his room, he could. I really should .

He promptly turns around, closing his door behind him.

Taehyun’s bed was just as good, if not better.

He won’t mind.

Soobin cruises down the hallway, turning into his room. Taehyun is lying down, scrolling through his phone. He looks up at Soobin, powering off his phone and throwing it aside.

“What?”

Soobin stares at him, eyes trailing back out to the rest of their house. Not a sound . They were all alone, all on their own, finally. Finally , Soobin grins.

Taehyun laughs, sitting up. “What?”

Soobin snakes closer, careful not to crush Taehyun’s hands as he pulls himself over. “We’re alone.” He collapses on top of Taehyun, forcing the breath out of him. His forehead rests against Taehyun’s neck.

“We are.”

One of Taehyun’s hands runs through Soobin’s hair, he sighs. Here, in the silence of Taehyun’s room, it felt like they had all the time they could need. It’s the best , Taehyun runs a hand down Soobin’s back.

Soobin lifts his head up, eyes already closed, ready to do nothing more than feel. Taehyun grins, running a finger down Soobin’s cheek. He kisses him, they break, eyes opening to see one another before they kiss again. Taehyun’s hand moves to cup Soobin’s face, Soobin lifts himself up, crowding over Taehyun, guiding their bodies closer.

Soobin opens his eyes when they break, eager to see Taehyun; What a beautiful sight he is.

Red and flushed, eyes fluttering closed, brows just hardly downturned. He’s focused in love , Soobin lets himself go, summer sun fading to black as he lets Taehyun’s mouth and hands paint the world for him. It’s prettier than reality, feeling Taehyun like this was an incomprehensible thing.

It’s like forever needing air, like every touch was necessary for survival, it was like burning up in the Arctic.

Nothing could compare to Kang Taehyun, Soobin is sure of this.

They kiss with no agenda, with nowhere to be. Soobin could see them like this forever: living their lives in the confines of Taehyun’s childhood bedroom. Letting gold light paint every moment of their lives in a flash:

The first time Soobin saw Taehyun, peeking out from behind a fort of cardboard boxes. One labeled ‘ Kitchen’ , another labeled ‘ Bathroom’ . He still remembers his Father’s booming voice, greeting Taehyun’s parents. He still remembers being too shy to say anything.

The first time they shared twin popsicles, they had broken unevenly. Soobin’s half was far larger than Taehyun’s and for what felt like the first time in his life: Soobin felt a small urge. It was a small winding call like an angel or a conscience, telling him to share , telling him, hey, this one means a lot to you – give up your pride.

Soobin laces Taehyun’s hand with his own, they catch their breath, leaning against one another. There was no need for space now. No, Soobin hasn’t been happier.

“I’m happy.” It sounds pointless out loud, Soobin decides. It’s redundant, but still, the words leave his mouth easily. Like the truth, like a simple fact he’s always known. Soobin would be nothing if he wasn’t happy here.

“I am too.” Taehyun grins, his voice is soft, cute, Soobin wants to kiss the words out of his mouth, so he does.

He’s my pride.

Everything felt endless. Everything felt good .

Soobin gets everything he wants. The last few weeks turn to bliss.

All along the way he would ask Taehyun, over and over, ( too much , if you asked Taehyun) if he was okay with this too.

“I just don’t want to assume that you’re okay with this.” Soobin crossed his arms, looking down at his feet and up again.

And Taehyun would sigh and uncross Soobin’s arms. “Don’t you trust me to tell you when I have concerns?”

Soobin would take his hands. “Yes. Yeah, I do.” And he did, more than himself at least.

Taehyun grins. “Then we have nothing to worry about right now, right?”

And Soobin would nod and smile, small, but hopeful.

Taehyun was really good at untangling Soobin. He was really good – was always really good – at making sure that Soobin knew his worries were small, that they were manageable, that Soobin didn’t need to be worried. They could always work it out together.

This was something Soobin loved about him, one thing of many, of course. But still.

“I don’t think this is going to work.”

Soobin rolled his eyes. “It will. It’s perfect, come on.”

Taehyun peered over the threshold of the bath. “You filled it up too much. The water will spill over.”

Soobin shrugs, scooping a handful of strawberry scented bubbles in his hands. “I filled it up enough .” He replies. “Now stop judging.”

“Fine.” Taehyun grumbles. “Close your eyes.”

Soobin laughs, incredulous. “What? Really?”

Taehyun shoots him a sharp glance. Soobin gives him one right back. They were always a match for one another, if Soobin was fire Taehyun was also fire. No ice. No, neither of them had enough cool to be ice. With one another there was always a flame – something they were both halves of. All light, no shadows.

Taehyun wins. Taehyun always wins.

Soobin keeps his eyes closed through the soft sounds of clothes being tugged off and hitting the cold tile; keeps his eyes closed when Taehyun edges closer to the tub, keeps them closed (miraculously) as Taehyun steps into the tub.

“Careful, don’t slip there’s a lot of – Ah. ”

“What?”

You see, Soobin imagined, daftly, that Taehyun would sit across from him. Moments earlier – this seemed most logical. Yes, it would be easy to lower down like that. Leave it to Taehyun to do everything the harder way.

“Is something wrong?”

A line of heat strikes up Soobin’s left thigh like a match. His hands shoot down to Taehyun’s hips, holding him from moving. Water splashes over the edge of the tub. “No – nothing, it’s all good.”

It’s all soap and water and with Taehyun leaning back against Soobin’s bare chest, it’s skin against skin. A lot of skin.

“It doesn’t sound like it’s all good.” Taehyun grins, Soobin can hear it in his voice.

He pushes back closer, the lack of friction between their bodies is a blessing. It’s a blessing . Soobin laughs, winded, he leans his head back against the cold tile. “You’re insane.”

One of Taehyun’s hands reaches past the surface of soap and bubbles, pinpointing the top of Soobin’s thigh. Carefully, slowly, as slow as the wisps of heat dancing off the surface of the water, he drags his hand down Soobin’s leg. He rides up, swirling across Soobin’s exposed knee, dipping back down to his calf. He repeats the motion twice. “Am not.”

He knows exactly what he’s doing. Soobin doesn’t know if that was better or worse, all he knows is that, suddenly, he has the urge to lean into this (whatever this turns out to be), as much as he can – because he had wanted this for so long.

It wasn’t entirely his fault: knowing Taehyun was one thing, but knowing Taehyun like this ?

Knowing Taehyun like skin and sweat and summer heat blooming from the inside? It was like an endless stream of want; an endless summer – A Summer that, for once, Soobin never wanted to end. He thinks that with Taehyun against him like this, it doesn’t have to.

Maybe his desires weren’t for nothing, maybe his silly-little-massive crush didn’t have to crush him. If he didn’t give in now, when would he? Taehyun deserved his honesty, he deserved all of Soobin, right? Just as Taehyun had always given Soobin parts of himself to hold, Soobin would match.

After all, they were always a match for one another.

He starts slow, moving his hands from Taehyun’s hips until his arms are wrapped entirely around his waist. Innocent enough, easy enough, Taehyun’s breath still catches when Soobin pulls him tight against his chest, like a lifejacket, no space. Waves of hot water and foam go rolling from one end of the tub to the other. Bubbles are forced into the air.

There’s no way that Taehyun can’t feel Soobin’s dick pressing into the small of his back, it would be impossible to ignore. Though … It didn’t entirely feel like Taehyun was ignoring it, if the little Ah’s and Oh god’s were any tell.

Soobin rests his head against the back of Taehyun’s shoulder. He breathes in the salt of his skin, kissing the scruff of his hairline, Taehyun’s hand grips the outside of Soobin’s thigh, his shoulders tense, properly overwhelmed. Soobin grins.

He laps up every noise, every miniscule noise, every twitch and giggle and moan. Soobin devours Taehyun whole, engulfs him like the Sun. Fills up the space between them like he’s owed Taehyun.

Over and over, filling his plate, never hungry. Soobin massages Taehyun between his knees, working his hands down his thighs, under his arms, down his sides. They’re wet, soaked together under suds and water as warm as the sun, Soobin loves that they smell the same: Like plump strawberries, honey sweet and blushing red.

And then Taehyun goes.

He leans back as deeply as he can, head against the bone of Soobin’s collar. His eyes flutter closed as Soobin’s hand trails down and up and down again in smooth, teasing lines. Soobin is obsessed with how Taehyun’s chest heaves and deflates, twisting from in front of him – his back arching in miniscule flicks. Asking without really asking, all at once.

Who was Soobin to deny Taehyun what he so clearly wanted?

He leans forwards, kissing up Taehyun’s shoulder, licking the junction of his neck, he uses his other hand and tips Taehyun’s head towards him. They kiss lazily, wet and slow, no rhythm no beat, just the two of them.

Taehyun pulls away with a gasp, he gives Soobin a curious glare.

Ever so imaginative, Soobin knew that of all the things Taehyun was, a coward was not one of them. “What is it?”

Taehyun pulls himself out of the tub just so before he turns over, sliding upwards. His hips wind back in a teasing prowl with a grin to match and Soobin needs to pull his eyes away before he cuts their bath short to soak their bed down to the box spring.

He pulls his eyes away, staring at Taehyun until his hands come to rest against Soobin’s chest and he’s sitting in his lap. He looks proud , Soobin stares at him with pure amazement, pure awe : Like he’s taken a hit, like he’s face to face with his addiction. His eyes are big, glittering against the sparkle of foam and dim light; his smile is even bigger, lips pulled apart with disbelief.

It was like Soobin was forced awake, like the anchor of his heart within his chest, and the burden in his lap were all the answers he could ever need. It was like his prayers had been answered, and suddenly – all too suddenly, he was looking up at some sort of tight, hot, soapy, devilish God .

Taehyun had always known what Soobin wanted. Always. He was proving it right now. Soobin wanted to sink to his knees in thanks, wanted to sing in bliss, wanted to rest his head in Taehyun’s lap, wanted to be full of him and fill him up. All of it, everything: because they could . Because now, nothing was stopping them.

Taehyun kisses him, teasing and hot. Soobin imagines that one day he will fall to his knees for Taehyun. For pleasure and love. He’d stay, indebted, in love .

Their chests press against one another as Taehyun crowds closer, hands on either side of Soobin’s face as he makes a mess of his lover. And, to be fair to Soobin, he was partially a mess because with Taehyun this close, there wasn’t a fraction of space between them, between all of them. Soobin whines at contact, leg bending up to keep Taehyun right there, don't move, god Taehyun don’t stop.

Soobin grabs the wall of the tub, water spills over the edge, Taehyun laughs.

Soobin was well versed in the language of Kang Taehyun. He knows this just like he knows to hold his breath under water.

So, when Soobin goes, “When do you want to tell our friends about us?”

And Taehyun freezes for a second too long before looking up, going: “I’m not sure, when do you want to?” Soobin knows something is up. He knows something isn’t quite right.

“Well, I’m fine to do it whenever,” he replies, sliding a shirt over his head. Is it okay to be so casual about this? He truly didn’t care much, because he had Taehyun now: everything else was sort of an afterthought. “What you want matters.” A simple reassurance.

Taehyun nods, it’s like Soobin could see the miles between them, like he could feel the wind in his hair as he’s pushed far, far, away. “Okay.”

“Taehyun?”

“Yeah?”

“Is everything okay?”

Another beat of silence. “Of course.”

So, things aren’t okay, like they’re really not okay. “Do you want to talk about it?”

And then all too quickly, Taehyun asks: “About what?”

“Um,” Soobin purses his lips, looking away for a second too long. How was he supposed to translate the it he was talking about? He hardly knew himself – well, he knew enough, but not enough to ask Taehyun about it more clearly.

Taehyun springs to his feet the moment Soobin stalks closer. “I’m going to go for a run.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, why?” Taehyun skirts around Soobin, stopping at the door.

“Well, it’s supposed to rain.” Soobin mumbles, he’s just a tad dumbfounded: like a very plush rug has been ripped from under his feet.

Taehyun waves his hand in the air, another odd motion. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be back before the rain starts, okay?”

He definitely won’t be.

“Okay.”

“Are we making a mistake?”

Soobin looks up from where he’s sitting on the couch in their living room. Taehyun was sweat soaked: summer rain did a number on him.

He also looked worried.

Taehyun never worried. Not usually.

That was Soobin’s job.

Soobin swallows, setting down the cup of chai he had been sipping. “I … don’t think we are?” He hardly sounds convinced; he doesn’t know if he believes it or not himself. What they had was fresh, like a fresh papercut, or fresh strawberries: he couldn’t tell what they would end up being any more than Taehyun could.

He paces, runs a hand through wet hair. He shakes his head, a few droplets fall; a storm is brewing. “I don’t know.”

Soobin inhales, nods. “It’s okay to not know.” So this is what it is .

“Is it?” Taehyun replies without missing a beat. “I’ve always known, everything, I –” He looks at Soobin and then away, his gaze resting on the empty mantle above the fireplace. “I thought I knew everything, or that in some way, I was always close to the truth. But …”

“But?”

“But I don’t think so, or at least, not anymore.”

“Why not?” Soobin frowned. It wasn’t a jab, but this thing – their thing being the first thing Taehyun was uncertain about, hurt, whether he wanted it to or not.

“Because I kissed you,” Taehyun replies, he’s quiet, mousy. He looks small and scared as the storm outside extends his shadows up above his head. He looks at Soobin. “I kissed you and I didn’t think I would – I didn’t even know I wanted to.”

“So, you didn’t want to.”

“What?”

“That night.” Soobin gets up, his stomach twists in an unfavorable way. “You never saw me like that?”

Taehyun can see, so clearly the hurt welling up in Soobin’s eyes. He can read him like a book he’s owned his whole life. He wants to lie, wants to be dishonest, but he can't. Not to Soobin. “No. I didn’t.”

Soobin looks down and Taehyun’s heart races as though he’s doing a sprint, moving miles closer in a split second. “I thought I didn’t. But the way I did feel?”

His cheeks heat and he has to look away as Soobin looks up at him. “The way I felt was like something in me was going finally, finally, finally .” He loses his breath on the last few words, but even that was true. He was breathless, Soobin left him like that – hot all over, needy , winded, never full. He was happy Soobin teased that out of him – he was deeply thankful, he was.

Soobin’s brows are still downturned. “Then why are you scared we’re making a mistake?”

“Because I don’t know .” Taehyun reiterates, he steps away and shakes his head. “I just – I don’t know. This is the first time I’m doing this, with you.”

Soobin rolls his eyes, a petty movement but he needed to let himself air out his frustrations before he popped. “So, you don’t know about me anymore?”

“It’s not that –”

“Then what is it?”

“This is the first time where you’re not my friend. And if I lose you like this, I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t know what I’ll do if I fuck this up. I can’t lose you like that.”

Oh . Soobin chills, Taehyun takes a deep breath, the tears welling up in the corner of his eyes dot his cheeks and Soobin takes the time to process that he might be the world’s biggest asshole for getting angry.

“You won’t lose me,” Soobin replies. His voice is strong, promising because he means every word.

Taehyun chuckles, he doesn’t believe Soobin. He doesn’t believe himself. “This is real , Soobin. This isn’t me cursing you out over dessert and a fake kitchen set.”

He was right. This argument wasn’t like the ones they had as kids. There were no play-sized pots to throw, no unmade beds to feign anger over. No caterpillars, no dragonflies, nothing. It was just the two of them, trying to stay afloat. They had everything to lose, they could lose each other.

His fear is real . Soobin nods. “It is real.” He takes a step forward. “I’m happy this is real.”

“Telling our friends is real.” Taehyun shakes his head. “It feels real, and I don’t know why but it scares me.”

“It’s okay that it scares you,” Soobin replies. Bit by bit, he understood Kang Taehyun just a little more. Slowly, his lexicon grew, slowly, they would heal. Being scared makes you human, Soobin wants to add. He doesn’t.

“No, but when you pretend, you can’t get hurt, not really . But Soobin, we’re not pretending, we haven’t been for a long time, I think.” Taehyun laughs, a little crazed, worried . “We’re going to wind up hurting each other. I don’t think we can come back from that.”

“Then promise me you won’t hurt me.”

“You know I can’t do that.” Taehyun pulls his sleeves over his eyes, presses away the tears.

“Then promise me that you and I will always work out our issues.” Soobin looks down at Taehyun. He’s shaking, is he cold?

“You don’t know that we will.”

Soobin rolls his eyes, resolve sharp and redefined, he knew now that Taehyun’s worries were well founded – but more than that, he knew how miniscule they could be. “Then promise me you’ll always choose to love me.” Like ants.

Worries like potholes in old roads. “Promise me that you won’t leave me in the dark when you’re worried.”

Like a brief nightmare. “Promise me you’ll choose me.”

Soobin can’t help himself, he pulls Taehyun into his chest, desperate to offset the cool smell of summer rain dripping from him. “Promise to choose me, the way I’ve chosen you.” He murmurs his pleas into the crown of Taehyun’s head.

Taehyun curls into Soobin, fingers snaking into the warm, dry cotton of his shirt. He nods, Soobin can feel the way his heart rattles, he can feel the way that all of Taehyun is shivering: cold and scared, down to his bones, eyes rattling like windows during a storm, rattling like loss .

“You’re not going to lose me.” Soobin adds, he talks quietly, low, hoping his voice sinks deep into Taehyun: He only nods. It’s not enough , Soobin knows.

He pulls away, tilting down, he finds Taehyun’s eyes in his own. “Do you hear me?”

Taehyun pulls back, eyes wide as he takes on the full force of Soobin around him, looking at him, reminding Taehyun that he exists, just like this . His cheeks burn scarlet, his face is buried in the collar of Soobin’s shirt before he can think. It was a lot.

It was a lot because Soobin was so good . Filled to the brim with love, always spilling over, always more to give . Soobin staring at him was like taking on the force of a star, like swallowing fragments of the sun and letting flowers bloom. His intentions were honest, windows are the eyes to the soul, and Choi Soobin’s soul was good . “I hear you. I just…”

“Just what?”

Taehyun weasels himself closer, he can hear the faint thump of Soobin’s heart against his palm: all flesh and blood, Taehyun was far gone, all he could do now was handle with care. Stuttering and stumbling through their relationship, he had never been happier, never. “I’ve loved you forever.”

Soobin doesn’t speak, letting Taehyun get out what he’s been holding on to. “But now it’s like I love you: I’m in love with you, like I’m coming to terms with it. Like I need to come to terms with the fact that one day it might not be enough.”

Being honest takes bravery. Soobin thinks that Taehyun is the bravest person he knows. “It’ll be enough. It’ll always be enough.”

“How do you know?” Taehyun asks, he pulls away from Soobin.

Soobin looks at Taehyun. What they had was something delicate, like fresh glass, or flower petals – picked off one by one. For Soobin, each petal was promising: he loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

“Because I love you.” He exhales slowly, like he was blowing on a candle he didn’t want to extinguish.

“I know it’ll be enough because I’m in love with you, too.” Soobin takes Taehyun’s face in his hands, whispers the words to him like they’re a secret: like a dirty joke in the middle of the night, like a string of truth wrapped around their pinkies – he never wanted to forget this. Never wanted to forget the way Taehyun finally breaks into a smile, turning his tear-streaked cheeks joyful.

Soobin would never forget the boy next door that he fell in love with years and years ago.

It’s that night while Taehyun is carefully working out where on Soobin’s body he likes to rest his head (sometimes it’s his chest, other times it’s his lap) that he suggests that they tell their friends now.

Soobin sets down his phone. “Now?”

Taehyun looks up at him, grinning. His heart was warm, like a bowl of soup, like Soobin had wrapped him in a blanket. He was comforted in every way, with Soobin, he had nothing to be afraid of. They could do this. We can.

“Why not?” Taehyun replies. “You wanted to, earlier today.”

Soobin looks up, semi-nodding, his eyes trail the ceiling in contemplation. “I guess. But I don’t want to rush you into it.”

“You’re not rushing me into anything,” Taehyun says. He pushes up onto his forearms, eager. “I wasn’t sure about it earlier, but I’m certain now.”

“Still – there isn’t any rush!” Soobin reiterates. “Let’s sleep on it?”

“No.” Taehyun sits up. “I want to tell our parents tomorrow.”

“ Tomorrow?” Soobin exhales with disbelief, Taehyun grins. “Yah.” He pokes at Taehyun’s ribs, finds the sensitive spots of his waist against his side and pinches his stomach.

Taehyun laughs, shrieking to start, batting at Soobin’s perfect hands and his half-dazed, half-shocked face. “Are you really Kang Taehyun? What did you do to him?”

It’s hands and blankets and a lot of wrestling before Taehyun’s sitting on Soobin’s chest, nosing at his lips with bedhead and his waist tangled around their bedspread. “I’m right here.” Taehyun replies. Soobin tips his head upwards, Taehyun licks his lips and pulls away.

“Now let’s tell our friends, otherwise you’ll go the last two weeks of this vacation without a kiss.”

Soobin frowns, eyes betraying his thoughts: Taehyun’s lips quirk into a proud, shit-eating, grin. “Oh, whatever.” Soobin looks away, Taehyun laughs.

“Think about it,” He sings, looking down at Soobin, dangling his phone in his hand.

It wasn’t really anything that could be up for debate. Soobin knows this.

“Alright, give me my phone.”

Taehyun smiles at him, eyes wide with something like shock. Something like love.

Something that’s all mine, Soobin cocks his head to the left. “What?”

Taehyun tosses Soobin’s phone, bending down to kiss him long and hard. Soobin rises to meet him, hands running up against his back, Taehyun slides into his lap, Soobin runs his mouth down Taehyun’s front, he gasps.

Soobin looks up at Taehyun. “We’ll tell them?”

Taehyun nods, wrapping his arms around Soobin’s neck. “In a minute.”

The next day, as promised, Soobin and Taehyun tell their parents.

Neither Soobin’s mother or father are all too surprised, however, the news does give Soobin’s mom a reason to call her beloved son and lecture him, lovingly , for a few hours.

“And please make sure that when you’re cooking fish from the market you cook it all the way through.”

“Of course,” Soobin sets down his phone, rummaging through the cabinets for a cutting board.

“Do you remember when you had some and it was undercooked and you got sick?” She hums. “I don’t want you getting sick.”

“I know.”

“Or Taehyun, that sweet boy.” Soobin chuckles. “And don’t eat too much ice cream, okay? It’s not healthy for you. Have you both been buying fruit?”

Soobin nods. “Taehyun’s been buying lots of watermelon.”

“Ah, good,” his mother beams appreciatively. “You need to learn good habits from your boyfriend.”

“Mom!” Soobin rolls his eyes, Taehyun cackles from a distance. “I can’t help that chocolate ice cream is so tasty.”

“You don’t have to eat it!” She proclaims. “And have you been bathing regularly? Did Taehyun’s mother tell you she couldn’t get a repair man until after you both come back?”

Soobin ignores the first half of her string of questions, setting two washed pears on the cutting board. “Yeah, we know. Bathing is fine.”

“And you’re remembering to moisturize after?”

“Mom!”

It’s about the same for Taehyun. Actually , Taehyun’s mother was a tad bit too knowing, Soobin quietly wondered if he had secretly fallen prey to a matchmaker.

“You’re really not surprised?” Taehyun asked his mother once more on call.

“Not even slightly,” she replied. “Honestly I’m surprised it took so long.”

“ Mom ,” Taehyun replies with a whine.

“What? It’s true. You boys are slow.”

Soobin laughed.

For their friends however, the story was different: Huening Kai and Yeonjun were both ecstatic, replying to the picture they sent into their joint group chat the night before with words like ‘ah! Finally!’ from Kai, or ‘I knew it!’ from Yeonjun.

Though Beomgyu replied with ‘!!!’ and then promptly, ‘Wait what?’

“Beomgyu,” Soobin laughs, it’s the next day – since calling late at night hardly sounded feasible with how tired Taehyun and Soobin managed to get. “What do you mean you had no idea?”

“ I don’t know!” Beomgyu wails into the line. “I just never thought you guys liked each other like that !”

Soobin rolls his eyes. “You’re too focused on yourself, seriously.”

“Yeah,” Taehyun reiterates, leaning over into the frame of Soobin’s camera. “ Or he’s too focused on Yeonjun.”

“Yah!” Beomgyu hollers into the line. “Kang Taehyun you keep quiet .”

Soobin buffers in the background, letting Taehyun’s laughter and Beomgyu’s distress melt to static. Wait, wait what? “Choi Yeonjun? Our Choi Yeonjun?” He gives Taehyun a look of disbelief. “Our friend Choi Yeonjun?”

“Yes, our Choi Yeonjun.” Taehyun replies.

“ No , not our Choi Yeonjun!” Beomgyu retaliates, his voice is haggard as he howls into the phone. If Soobin looks closely, he can see a crawling blush work up Beomgyu’s neck.

“Choi Beomgyu.” Soobin stands up, holding his phone to eye level. “Have you been hooking up with our Choi Yeonjun?”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “Don’t you dare suggest that, I have standards you know –”

“ Oh ! Beomgyu, are you talking to Soobin and Taehyun?” A voice that sounds distinctly like karma and Choi Yeonjun calls out from Beomgyu’s bedroom.

“Oh my – Taehyun, did you know about this?” Soobin looks away from his phone screen, Beomgyu has stepped away briefly to tackle Yeonjun out of frame. Distantly, Soobin can hear Yeonjun bickering asking ‘ why? Ow – What do you mean I can’t say hi?’

Taehyun shrugs, unlocking his own phone with a smile. “It’s not like Beomgyu or Yeonjun are particularly good at being subtle.”

Soobin sighs, he had a point there. “Beomgyu – maybe we should call ourselves even. Yeah?”

Beomgyu re-emerges into the small box frame of Soobin’s phone, this time, with a deeply disheveled Yeonjun behind him. His shoulders drop. “Yeah, we’re even.”

The last few weeks of their vacation melt together, the last day approaching at lightspeed. Though this time, neither of them really felt like things were ending. Maybe that’s why everything was so sugary sweet, saturated and slow, Choi Soobin and Kang Taehyun had so much time together.

They’re sitting outside, Taehyun’s resting with his head in Soobin’s lap. They let the sounds of the ocean wash them clean. We have the rest of our lives together . Soobin runs a hand through Taehyun’s hair slowly, like he’s meditating, praying.

Things were good – Soobin wonders if they’ll be this good forever. Maybe not, maybe not always, but he realizes that he’ll never know if he doesn’t just … Try .

“Hey.” Taehyun turns to look up at him.

“Mhm?”

“We should pack soon, right?”

Soobin grins. “We should.”

Lots of times, love was about trying, wasn’t it? That didn’t mean trying was easy, no, sometimes it was hard, sometimes – oftentimes, it failed. But for all of Soobin’s failures Taehyun was his one success that he’d never fail to catch.

Packing their things was as seamless as when they had arrived. Except there were undeniable, subtle differences. A few of Soobin’s shirts had snuck their way into Taehyun’s suitcase, Taehyun’s body wash now belonged to the both of them, Soobin’s bedroom was pristine while it was a joint effort to clean Taehyun's room.

They picked shirts up off the floor, threw out packets of snacks, remade his bed with fresh sheets, cleaned out the kitchen, swept, took out the garbage one last time, loaded their luggage into the back of Soobin’s car. Just as they had arrived together, Soobin and Taehyun would leave together.

Soobin watches Taehyun tie a trash bag, he grins at him from over the kitchen island.

“What is it?” Taehyun asks, he looks a little confused, and rightfully so: Soobin was staring him down like he had treasure in his hands, not old leftovers.

Soobin chuckles, shrugs, shakes his head. “Nothing.” How would I ever explain it to him?

You see, Taehyun was like this magnificent, stunning, prize . Something unimaginable to behold, something made of gold and diamonds, bones and flesh, and time – so much time . Like a flower, or a tree, Soobin could see their roots sinking deep, could see them tangled together until they’re unintelligible, until they can’t be pulled apart, until they’re one. Just One.

It had always been easy to love Taehyun, it had always been easy to be loved by him, too. Their love was like folklore: something whispered from lips to ear, something that lived, time and time again.

Something that became real, because people believed in it that much .

They would live and breathe and die with not a single statue lifted to their names. No, their monuments were far smaller: lived in like love, like little notes, letters, polaroid’s stuck to door frames and paint swatches against beige that beam like opportunity, like chance . It was holding hands and fighting and kissing and making love .

Their love was perfect because it was theirs and theirs alone .

With the last of their little world cleaned up, memories saved on phones and luggage strapped in the back of their car, Soobin waited for Taehyun to lock the door that led into their Summer Home.

“Ready to go?”

Taehyun skipped down the steps, no resistance as he pressed Soobin against the drivers side door with another kiss. “I’m ready.”

Soobin felt cool, he felt loved . He slides into the driver's side seat, Taehyun walks around to the passenger side. He wondered how long their honeymoon stage would last and knew that it’d probably never end. Our Summer. Ours.

They’d go home, life would go on, everything would resume as normal. But between bickering friends, between the long dragging nights at their university’s library, after finals and before the end of the Year, Soobin and Taehyun would be there, hand in hand, lips against ears, living like folklore: living for real . Living because they believed in one another just like this. Soobin tucks Taehyun’s hair behind his ear, just like this .

Now, they would be together, tomorrow, the day after that, and for all the time after.

The car rumbles awake, shifting the car to reverse, Soobin takes Taehyun’s hand in his, he vows it: With Taehyun, he’s home.

Notes:

Hi!! This has been uploaded and complete!!!!!
I hope you enjoyed reading this story! I loved writing it!!!! :-)
If you want to find me I am here!! on twitter

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