Work Text:
Dazai despised the winter. He hated the cold more than anyone. Even though the Agency’s heater worked fine that didn’t save him from the freezing walk to and from work. Sometimes he was tempted to stay at the Agency overnight just to beat the cold; however, he knew that was probably a little bit dramatic, even for him.
The walk to work was unpleasant as expected and by the time he got there, he was sure his nose and fingers were ready to fall off. The second he entered the Agency it felt like being greeted with a warm hug. It was so cozy. It wasn’t long before he was taking off his jacket, not needing it due to the satisfying temperature inside. Though most of his body was warming up, his fingers still remained cold as ice. His hands never warmed up like the rest of his body did unless he made the extra effort to wear gloves. He hadn’t worn gloves that morning. He was ready to rub them together — sit on them if he had to — in order to warm them up when a dangerous proposition entered his head. It was harmless, really. But gosh it would earn him a scolding… Maybe even a lecture if he was really unlucky. But… it would also be very funny. Just the idea of it made him squirm with excitement. It was so evil. It was so cruel. But imagining Kunikida’s reaction was already so satisfying, he needed to see it in real life.
Dazai stood up from his spot on the couch and inconspicuously approached his target. When Kunikida was particularly busy, sometimes he didn’t quite notice what was going on around him; Dazai was counting on that. He stood behind Kunikida’s chair readying himself for the expected violent outburst that would follow. But it would be worth it. It’d be so damn funny.
Quickly, in one fluid motion, Dazai’s glacial fingers slipped under Kunikida’s collar and made contact with his warm neck. Without missing a beat, Kunikida stood up, and without knowing how he got there, Dazai was lying on the ground, cackling.
“What the hell, Dazai?!” Kunikida roared.
“Good morning, Kunikida-kun!” Dazai cooed.
“What are you doing with your freezing cold hands?! Why would you do that?!”
“I thought it’d be funny,” Dazai grinned, “And I was right!”
“I’m really gonna kill you one day, you know?!” he snapped.
Dazai couldn’t help but laugh. It was everything he had expected and more.
“God, why are they so damn cold?! Don’t you use those gloves I got you?” Kunikida asked.
“I left them at home today by accident,” Dazai explained.
“Idiot, if you’re not careful in these temperatures — what if you get frostbite and lose your hands completely?!” he scolded.
“You’re being a bit dramatic, they won’t fall off, they’re not that cold.”
“They felt freezing enough to me!”
“That’s because you’re nice and warm, Kunikida-kun! If you had walked with me, it wouldn’t have been so bad, you know?”
“God, come here, then.”
Kunikida offered his hand to Dazai and helped him off the ground. Though, when Dazai had stood up, Kunikida didn’t let go of his hand. In fact, he ended up taking Dazai’s other one in his and bringing them both up to his mouth where he gently breathed warm air onto them. Dazai was decidedly speechless. He wanted to say something. He wanted to point out the intimacy of Kunikida’s action and see Kunikida writhe as he became adorably flustered but, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. All he could do was stare blankly at where Kunikida’s hands met his own, and feel how they slowly warmed to him.
If the circumstances had been switched, Dazai was sure he’d be watching Kunikida’s face twisting into one of forced disgust and pulling away. So, why couldn’t Dazai follow his example? Why was he so speechless? Where did all the giddy energy from ruining Kunikida’s morning go? He could barely think. And all he could think about was his hands in Kunikida’s and how close the two of them were to each other. He hadn’t anticipated this. As much as he’d played out every possible consequence for his actions, this one certainly hadn’t come to mind. Maybe that’s why he was so dumbstruck.
“Seriously, I bought you those gloves as a courtesy, the least you could do is wear them,” Kunikida grumbled softly.
“Yeah… Sorry…” Dazai mumbled back.
Kunikida paused for a moment. “Are you getting sick?”
“What?”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever heard the word ‘sorry’ come out of your mouth before, that’s all.”
Dazai giggled a little, “Oh, come on, Kunikida-kun, I treat you better than that.”
“No, you don’t.” He was right, to be fair. “There. You should be all warmed up now, right?” Kunikida said, letting go of Dazai’s hands. Dazai missed the contact the moment it was gone.
“Mhmm! Who knew you were such a gentleman, Kunikida-kun?” Dazai gently teased.
“Oh, shut up,” Kunikida sighed, “It’s only so you can’t complain or bother me with it.”
“You’re not worried that my fingers will fall off?”
“I mean… that too, I guess. You’re already troublesome enough as a partner. For you to be without fingers would cause a whole new range of problems for me.”
Dazai smiled, “Well, I thank you for your service.”
Without thinking — though, admittedly Dazai hadn’t been thinking much at all in this interaction — he rose up on his toes and gave Kunikida a kiss on the cheek. It was a thank you. It was payment for his kindness.
He wandered off, still not thinking much of anything that had just happened considering Kunikida had been so casual about it. Unfortunately, this meant he failed to see how Kunikida’s cheeks flushed dramatically, leaving the poor man boiling hot with embarrassment in the middle of the coldest month of the year.