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When he opens his eyes, he sees Jisung. Always.
He sees the smiles, the beauty, the love. And he falls a little more in love. A little more in desires.
He belatedly realizes that they're holding hands. The weather's nice, breezy and sunny. It makes Jisung glow more brightly and his hair to sway in the prettiest way Minho wasn't aware was possible.
And Minho lets himself be tugged forward by the younger who maintained his firm grip on his hand.
But when he looks at their hands, his breathing hitches and he feels incapable of making any sound. There's blood trailing from the younger's arm till his hands.
And when he looks up, his heart stops at the blood trailing from his temple and yet how he softly smiles.
He wants to say something but he's voiceless, And when he blinks, he's alone. He doesn't remember getting anywhere with anyone, so he just stands there, lost.
And soon he hears his name, his heart filling with warmth. He turns around and the surrounding feel more clear.
Jisung's standing on the other side of the road, looking so perfect. A beautiful grin as he waves at him. The road's empty. There's nothing, no one except them.
The younger starts to cross the road and he's just halfway when a car hits him, coming out of nowhere. And Minho feels stuck inside his own body. He can't move a finger or voice out any sound. But suddenly he's moving, towards the bloody, lifeless body. His breathing heavy when he stops due to the sudden feeling of something in his arms.
He looks down and his arms unconsciously tighten around the figure between his arms. Jisung's face was nuzzled perfectly in his neck and he buries his own face in younger's hair, breathing in the soothing scent. And then there's a whimper cutting the silence. Alarmed he pulls away feeling his breathing being snatched at the tears he witnesses. There's a big patch of blood on both their abdomen. He feels no pain but jisung's face is morphed in extreme pain.
He moves a hand forward and his heart sinks as Jisung fades away like sand.
And he's once again alone, but now in a wide field filled with lilies. He frantically looks around, wanting to just have his person back.
And there he was. Crouched down in a distance ahead. His back facing Minho but soon he slowly stands up. Minho moves forward but looks down when he feels the ground.
He's barefoot. And there comes another pair of feet in sight. He looks up to see Jisung just looking at him. It just makes sense for Jisung to cover such a distance in a blink of an eye without any sound.
Minho doesn't look at anything else other than Jisung. He looks...dull. There's barely any light or sparkle in his eyes and for the umpteenth time, Minho feels a sinking feeling.
Soon the flowers just whither, the sky grows dark and wind blows. And Jisung is fading. He's going away. Untill it's only Minho.
But Minho's feeling trapped in his mind. He's seeing Jisung. Yes, but it's always with being covered in blood. And it's tearing Minho apart because it's so painful to see his love in so much pain. And it's driving Minho insane that he has to see it again and again. One time is enough. What's happened is enough! He does not need reminders!
He wants out and so he screams.
When he opens his eyes, it's dark. His breathing is frantic and he tries to feel around him. He knows he's speaking. He feels his lips move. And it takes a second or two for him to just hear his own voice over his mind.
"Jisung..." He whispers and it's so quiet around him that it's driving Minho crazy. Causing the dread to fill him whole.
"Jisung. Jisung.." he keeps on whispering while he slides down to the floor, resting his back against the bed.
He finds it hard to calm down. His hands shake vigorously and he curls into himself, knees pressed tightly against his chest. He grips onto his sweatpants and buries his face in his knees. He feels his heart hammering so hard against his chest and it's cold, alone.
And then he feels something. There's warmth against his side and a hand on his head, running fingers through his hair. The sensation of them touching his scalp works a magic.
".....ay. I'm here. It's alright. I'm here with you, okay? You're okay. Just breathe."
He tries. He has been and it's not working.
"Don't worry. Just breathe with me. Let's do five."
And so the person counts give breaths in and out and Minho feels his mind clearing. This person is just so warm pressed against him and their voice is automatically healing him.
"Just like that. Now again, okay? I'm here. Here with you. Just keep trying to breathe."
And the last sentence makes something in Minho ignite. He's trying. Has been trying for so long. And he just can't. It's so hard.
"Please baby. For me. Please..."
So Minho tries again. For Jisung. He'd do anything for Jisung so he tries. Even if it hurts and it's hard, almost tearing him apart. He tries to breathe.
But the air gets caught because...
"Jisung...." He chokes out.
"I'm here Minho."
And he shakes his head. Looks at him through his teary eyes. He tries to kiss him and when their lips connect, they're cold and he sobs at the reality.
"I...I'm s-so tired, Ji-jisung..."
"I know, sweetheart. And I'm sorry." He looks at him with guilt. Why? Because-
"I...I wake u-up and it's-it's dark, I'm al-alone..."
"I'm sorry..." Jisung joins their foreheads together.
"A-and you...you said tha-that you'd be h-here! Th-that you'd stay! By my...my side! While I'm awake, asleep, just l-living! But.."
"I'm so so sorry Minho."
"Y-you said you'd da-dance with me...."
It feels so bitter.
They're both crying yet Minho feels nothing but remorse against the younger.
"Why..? W-why does it always...always has to be me?! I'm just so tired, Jisung."
But he just nods while looking at him with those eyes. Like he understands Minho's pain, his emotions. But does he really?
"I just want everything.... everything to go back to how it was. I want it all b-back. I want us- us back." He chokes out a sob and jisung wipes away his tears that are replaced by more.
"I'm here baby..."
"No, you're not."
And Jisung looks at him guiltily.
"I...."
"You're such a liar, Han Jisung."
"Minho..." His voice sounds strained.
"You...you still left me. You knew me, loved me and still left me behind. Alone. And- do you....do you even know how cold and dark it is? Did you even love me that you all but just left?"
Jisung caressed his cheek and Minho melts in his touch so easily like the words he's saying with such intense emotions aren't related, aren't even there.
"I have nothing but apologies to say to you, Minho."
"I don't want them. I just want you." He whispers weakly into the silence of the night.
The moon's only present to witness. To light on their words. And everything's so dark. He's tired. Cold.
He can't keep on dancing in the dark anymore. He can't go back to it again. It's lonely, scary, tiring. With no one to hold his hand. To look at him. To touch him. To whisper closely in his ear. To warm him. To bask him in love. To be just there with him. For him.
He wishes he never went to that dance. That he never met Jisung. That he never got to fall in love with him. That he never got to experience it all. That he never got to hold him, to kiss him. That he never got to dream with him. That he never got to make memories.
And he more than anything wishes that he never stayed back. That he never cut the call. That he never bid down to jisung's request. That he never continued on with his dance practice. He just wishes he never did.
Maybe then things would have been different.
Because all dances come to an end. And he's left here with the cold again.
To dance in the dark, alone, all again. And he's never going to get his light back, ever again.