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Once a year, he convinced himself it was just gas. When his lower belly swelled, and his pants grew tight, as little cramps pulsed up and down the base of his back, and fatigue weighed his limbs, he would think to himself, “What on earth did I eat?” before realizing, oh shit, it was May.
March and April were fun, if a little annoying. Everything felt sexy; a light breeze could make him pop a boner, and he spent most mornings humping his pillow, begging Enji to fuck him. Then came May.
“Oh! Oh shit.” A massive, full-body cramp brought him to his knees in the middle of Enji’s living room, their living room. His organs compressed like a can in a trash compactor. “Oooooh!” he moaned and held the new pooch of his belly as his instincts begged him to push.
The sensation gave him pause every year. It was so animalistic. It overrode his higher thinking; his body acted on its own without his consent.
“Oooh!” He sobbed, tears forming on top of his black eye markings. It hurt, it hurt so bad. Then it didn’t. The contraction passed, and he had a few seconds to think. He needed to get his pants off. He needed to get somewhere safe.
“Keigo?” Enji rushed from the hallway to his side, and Keigo did his best to sit up.
“Fuck, Enji. It’s coming.”
“Shhh, why are you up?” Soothing and chiding him in the same breath, Enji scooped him up and carried him back to their bedroom.
“Ah! Aaah!” Keigo curled tightly in Enji’s arms as he paused, waiting for the contraction to pass, then hurried down the hall to complete their trip as quickly as possible. “Sorry.” Hawks apologized pathetically as his lower half was stripped, and he was gently placed in the swirl of blankets and pillows on their bed.
“Did you want something? Don’t wander off.”
“Water.”
“Ok.” Enji left and returned in what felt like the same movement, holding a thick-walled glass of water.
“How far apart are the contractions?”
“It’s not a baby Enji; they just come when they come.”
“Nonsense. This happens to you every year. You don’t monitor yourself?”
“No.” Hot tears fell across his cheeks. Most years, he tried to ignore his body until it just happened and then hid the evidence. Nobody had called him out on taking off a few days every May, so he thought he was succeeding in hiding his little… problem. That was until he moved in with his boyfriend and got caught last year.
He would have succeeded if Enji weren’t so observant. He’d found a plausible excuse to hide for the 20-40 minutes it took to lay an egg every time he’d needed to and disposed of the evidence, but it was his fatigue that gave him away. Enji noticed the bags under his eyes, the ‘lost weight’ and pale complexion, then made him confess his most embarrassing avian trait: at the end of spring, Hawks would lay about five eggs over the course of a few days.
It hurt like a bitch. They weren’t the size of babies, more like small emu eggs, so it wasn’t that bad, but there were multiple eggs, and it went on for days.
“Enji!” Hawks had enough control to hand the cup back to his boyfriend before he rolled over on all fours and pushed.
“Don't hold your breath.” Enji placed warm hands on his back and squeezed his hips.
“Oh shit, that feels good.”
“Push when your body wants to push, bare down during the contractions, then rest in between.”
“Dude, it’s not an- AH!” Despite his protests, Hawks did as told and, after four contractions, felt the egg on his straining rim.
Pushing was… odd. It wasn’t quite like other bowel movements until it was.
“Ok, I see it. Keep pushing! Do another, push now!”
“Aahh!” Hawks squeaked; this was always the hardest part, the most painful, but the rush and release once the egg was out, the immediate end to the pressure, was something he was so grateful for. He would be sore for the rest of the day but would probably heal a bit before the next egg came, that was unless it was a two egg day.
He hates two egg days. Yes, it meant things would be over faster, but it was so disappointing to think you were done only for your body to say, ‘Nope, one more.’
When he didn’t feel the urge to push again and was sure the contractions were over, he fell forward on the bed, sweaty, wrung out, and panting.
“You did so well. Stay there, and I’ll clean you up.”
Enji, the saint, took the egg away even as his heart cried to sit on it. They both knew it was unfertilized; the Commission, for all the shit they put him through, had at least developed birth control for him. He imagined if they hadn’t disbanded during the war, they would expect to breed him once his hero days were done, but that wasn’t going to happen now that they were dust in the wind.
As promised, Enji wiped his cloaca with a warm cloth, shifted him to strip the bed, then laid down next to him, placing a big hand over his still curving belly. It would go back down after a few days once the eggs were all laid, but for now, he had a little tummy.
“You did so well, little one.” Enji gave his stomach a long stroke, humming quietly and holding him. Even after being cleaned up, Hawks felt loose and leaky, stripped raw and vulnerable. What must Enji think? His chest heaved, and new tears sprung forth. He was a freak. Who the hell shits out eggs? The commission worked so hard to hide his bird traits, and for what? For him to lay a freaking egg right in front of Endeavor?
“Shh shh, it’s ok, it’s over.” Enji cooed and held him tighter.
“It’s not- I’m fine. I’m sorry.” Hawks sobbed. “That was disgusting.”
“That was beautiful, love; that was your body.”
“You just like me- like thinking about me-“
“Full? Carrying my child? I do. You look devastating with that little belly of yours. I hope that's not too weird.” Enji’s earnest, open face knocked him out every time.
“You're weird? I’m the freak who just... who just-“ Hawks moaned and hid his face in his lover's arms, too upset to continue.
Maybe his hormones were out of whack. He could feel himself acting irrationally, but he couldn’t stop.
“You should sleep a bit, little bird, but know that I think you are amazing.”
Enji continued to stroke his stomach, and Hawks never pushed his hand away, until he fell asleep.
***
He managed to get in three hours before another wave of pain crunched his body. A two-egg day then, he’d just been given a short breather between lunch and dinner. Enji was still big spooning when he woke, so Keigo twisted around to bury his face in the man’s shoulder.
“You’re five minutes apart.” Said Enji incongruously.
He had his phone out, and a stopwatch app up, which he showed to Keigo before the other could fully register what was happening.
“That’s about when I would take Rei to the hospital. You’re almost done, sweet boy.”
“What?” He croaked, fragile voice fading from the screaming and sobbing a few hours ago.
“We need to figure this out if it’s going to happen every year.”
Enji being so matter of fact and analytical about something Keigo previously considered his greatest shame jarred him awake as much as the pain.
“Do the- do the HIP! Do that hip thing?”
“Of course.”
Enji put the phone in front of him, and Keigo watched it count up the seconds as his hips were squeezed with just the right amount of pressure to counteract the contraction.
“Oh god, that's magic.” He relaxed when the contraction released him.
“I didn’t ask last time, but how do you like to pass the eggs? Would you rather be in the tub?
“The tub?”
“Some people prefer water births.”
“This isn’t a birth. Fuck! Enji, this is just a shitty thing that happens, and then it’s over. Just ignore me! Like I have a cold or something.”
“I- I’m sorry. I only want to help. If you’d rather I… wait until you’re done?” The big man sat back, waiting for direction.
Keigo was struck with thoughts of the first time he laid a clutch. How alone and confused he’d been on a sterile government floor, little body crumpling, thinking he was dying.
“No, please stay. Please stay; I’m sorry.” Keigo sunk black claws into the flesh of Enji’s forearm, then grit his teeth and locked wide eyes with his partner as another wave started.
It was a mental game. Could he float above the pain? Sometimes he couldn’t, but Enji’s bright blue eyes centered him as his body squeezed, preparing to push.
Keigo fell back on torture training. Controlling what he could: his breathing and heart rate, fortifying himself and mentally chanting the silly little phrases he chose as mantras, “Get your shit together, gather all your shit up, and don’t lose it. Put all your shit in one place and make sure it doesn’t get lost. Get your shit together.”
He focused on the smooth sheets, the big hands on his hips, easily wrapping from the distended curve of his lower belly to the small of his back.
Enji didn’t just squeeze and apply counter-pressure; he dug in with his heated thumbs massaging his sides. It was divine, a guiding light in the fog of his pain.
He collapsed when the grip of pain released him. “I wanna… I wanna squat or… lean on something.” He knew a bright flush was taking over his ordinarily golden complexion, but Enji chivalrously rolled off the bed and made a stack of pillows for him to lean against.
“That’s a good position; you’ll have some leverage. We should have gotten you a medicine ball. Or… Rei liked to hold a-, but you aren’t pregnant; I’m sorry, I shouldn’t compare you.”
“No, I- fuck, tell me. You know more about this.” For as many times as Keigo has done this, he’s basically just writhed in pain on the ground then put it out of his head.
“In one of her delivery rooms, there was a bar above her head she could hold it and crouch.”
That actually sounded… that sounded very appealing.
“I like that.”
“Tomorrow, we can move to the gym. I think I have something that might work.”
The second egg came quickly, it still hurt as it moved through his body and left him gaping, but it was much more controlled. It was a dozen times more manageable than giving in to the pain.
The familiar wave of blues hit him, his little duds; what do you do with unfertilized eggs? It seemed barbarous to eat them and dismissive to throw them away, but they weren’t going to incubate and hatch; they were just protein. If he had a period or a more mammalian set up he could just bleed out a speck and ignore the… potential.
“I’m going to order some ice pads.” Enji declared. “I texted Rei; she recommended witch hazel.”
Enji texted his ex-wife about Hawks shitting out eggs. He must be beyond embarrassment because he barely cares. He doesn’t have the emotional capacity to feel like crawling under a rock. Actually, that sounds lovely. Like a cat slinking away and then being found five days later under the deck with a litter of kittens. But then he wouldn’t have Enji’s magical hands squeezing his hips.
“Ok, thank you.”
“I’ll make salmon for dinner, lots of good protein and calcium.
“Sounds good.” Hawks realized he could outsource his care and take a huge weight off his shoulders. Of course, he trusted whatever Enji had planned; it was infinitely easier just to do whatever Enji recommended; it had all worked out so far.
“Good, I want you to focus on getting those eggs out; if I find you wandering around again you’ll be in trouble.”
“Oh.”
Hawks could do that, he could follow instructions, especially if they were from Enji.
Enji insisted on bringing him dinner in bed and made him drink milk of all things, but he had to admit he woke up the next morning feeling better than wrung out garbage which is usually how he felt after laying eggs and what got him caught last year.
The second day was more of the same, waiting for contractions to start. He begged to eat breakfast in the kitchen and Enji /carried/ him there, swaddled in a fuzzy blanket like a baby.
He can admit the witch hazel and ice pads are all he wants on his aching bottom. Enji also gave him the good pain meds. He can’t think of a time he remembered to take even over-the-counter stuff after laying.
“You could have a second career as a midwife once you retire, you know.” He quirked his lips and leaned into his partner to exchange kisses.
Enji had been careful with him all day. Lots of soft touches and light conversations Keigo didn’t have to participate in, just listen to.
He cradled Keigo’s face with a palm that cupped his chin and fingers that curled into his hair. He was bare-chested, had been all day, giving Keigo lots of skin to explore and nuzzled.
“I’m not sure who would hire me.” Enji chuckled low and rumbly; Keigo felt every huff.
“Second-time moms who want to shake things up?”
“Maybe parents with fire quirks?” Hawks had been joking, but that wasn’t a bad idea.
“Mm…”
“You’ll be a good reference, won't you?” Enji asked, sliding further down the bed, planting a line of kisses from Keigo’s sternum to the base of his little belly.
Enji really was putting up with him, playing along with his nonsense.
“You like that?”
“I do.” Enji kissed the swell, framed it with his hands, and bowed like he was worshiping Hawks’ belly. “It’s adorable.”
Hawks’ face scrunched up in skepticism. Enji didn’t use words like ‘adorable.’
“It is.”
Everything in Hawks wants to ask, ‘what if they were real, what if they weren’t my little duds but little chicks?’ He can’t, though. Enji won’t want children with him. He already had four he wasn’t gonna want-
“What's wrong little one?” Enji crawled back up the bed and hugged him from behind, rocking slightly to soothe him.
He didn’t realize he was crying till Enji wiped the tears away.
“It’s nothing, stupid hormones all out of wack. Whatever makes me want to push also makes me irrational and weepy.”
Enji tenderly kissed his shoulder, tickling him with his stubble. Keigo giggled bright and high, unstable mood turning on a dime.
“Oh!” There it was. A sharp little squeeze, the beginning. “It’s starting.”
“Track them yourself this time.” Enji’s stern tone and a task refocused him. He felt better about laying this egg than he ever had.
***
“Number three.” He held out his hand, and Enji placed the big red egg in his palm. Then Hawks lost it. Curled over the egg, clutching it to his chest, and wailed. The instinct to nurture, to make a safe, warm nest and wait was like a train crashing into him, immense and immutable.
“Keigo! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just- it’s just hormones, it’s nothing.” Which was a ridiculous thing to say when he was making a fool of himself.
“You shouldn’t hold that. You wouldn’t look at the others. I’m sorry, Keigo. Please. Hand it back, love.”
It was /nothing/ it was just goop and shell. It wasn’t going to be a baby. He wasn’t having a baby; all he wanted was a baby. He wanted it with his whole soul; every egg was a squandered opportunity, a future he would have to wait longer and longer for. One that would probably never come.
With a shaky hand, Keigo gave the egg to Enji. He needed to stop this nonsense, get control of himself. Enji was being wonderful with his shenanigans, but he wasn’t an infinitely patient man. He wasn't even a particularly patient man. He was a bit of a hothead.
“If you don’t talk to me I’m calling Rumi, and you’re talking to her.”
“Buns?” Why?
“Yes. You can tell me what upset you, or you can tell her. Would you rather tell her?”
“I- no. I’m fine.”
Enji looked both lovingly concerned and exasperated. “Don’t lie to me, boy.”
“I’m- ok, yes, I’m obviously not in control of my emotions right now, but other than that, I’m good. I just wanted to incubate the egg because I’m a fucking bird, but there’s no reason to.”
“Hawks. Keigo. You’re a human. You're a human man.”
Keigo laughed, broken and wild. What a weird thing to say. What a thing that meant so much to him and was so unbelievable.
“Keigo. Yes, you have an avian quirk, but that’s your quirk. You aren’t your quirk.”
Keigo was sore, sitting on an ice pad, looking longingly at an egg, covered in sweat and tears, and felt the least human he’s ever felt.
“I’m gross.” There, he said it. Now Enji knew.
“Do you want a shower?”
“No? Well- yes, but no. /I’m/ gross. This is gross.” He felt the shout building and let it be as loud as it wanted. “I’m gross!”
Oh great, more tears. Keigo covered his mouth and hid in the bed coverings.
Enji stared at him, let him cry for what felt like 20 minutes with only a steady hand on his back, then coaxed his gaze up.
“You aren’t gross. Everyone’s bodies do perfectly normal things that are considered gross, but that doesn’t make them gross, and it doesn’t make you gross.” Enji took Keigo’s slim hands in his and squeezed. “I don’t think this is- I don’t think this is something that a pep talk can fix.”
“Yeah.” He’s aware he needs therapy; he’s been putting off finding someone because Enji won't share his, selfish.
“And the egg?”
“That was it, just reminded me I was… not- I wasn’t like other people.”
“Other men.”
“Men.”
“And the egg.”
“Fuck, really? Like a dog with a bone.”
“I deal with scheming criminals every day; you don't think I know when I’m being lied to. I may not have heartbeat-sensing feathers, but it’s not my first go-round. I’ll call Rumi for you.”
“No! I’m- I… I told you. I’m sad it’s... Mm- I wanted to incubate it, and…” he ended in a whisper. “and for it to hatch.” He couldn’t meet Enji’s eyes after that.
They didn’t have many fights, but it always felt like Hawks caused them all.
Enji must be stunned. He wasn’t audibly reacting, holding his breath most likely.
“We’ll have a year to prepare.” Keigo throws out since he's already being wild.
“I'll be a year older.” Enji said gravely.
“So?”
“Hawks, I'm going to leave you someday. You’re already so much younger. I’m not going to be there, and you’ll still have decades to live. I know we’ve talked about that, but you want to do that with children? On top of that, I’m- I’m not a good father.”
“First of all, you’re a different person now; second, I was just kidding.” He could see Enji about to call him out on the lie. “Like in a kidding, not kidding, just kidding kind of way. It’s not real; I didn’t mean it. Oh! Oh my fucking god! Two double a- a DAYS!” Hawks immediately started counting; if he couldn’t talk through the contraction it was happening fast.
“Do you want to try going to the gym?”
Hawks nodded, and before he could bring his chin up and down a second time, Enji had him in a bridal carry, and they were striding down the hall.
“Stop! OH!” Another? So soon? “It’s coming.” He gritted out, slapping Enjis shoulders.
The fourth egg was hard and fast, but Enji was inventive. He crouched behind Hawks on the hallway floor and held his arms above the smaller man’s head. “I can hold you.”
All he wanted to do was pull and push and crouch; ever since Enji offered the idea it had sounded similar to what his body wanted to do.
So he did.
He held onto Enji’s hands above his head and pulled as he pushed with the contractions. He was a rock, immovable; no matter how Hawks thrashed, he didn’t budge; it was hot as hell. If he wasn't being torn in two he would fuck Enji to the moon and back. How much weight could he hold? If Hawks put his feathers into it, would he be able to budge the number one hero?
When the egg was out, past his cloaca and rolling away on the ground. Enji didn’t let go of him, he pulled Hawks back up into his arms, cradled his head so he couldn’t look at the egg and took him back to bed so they could start the post egg cleanup routine again.
“I’m almost done. Maybe one more tomorrow then this will all be over.” Hawks felt like the biggest inconvenience. Making Japan's number one hero tend to his ridiculous biology.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, dove, if you start counting down and don’t hit the finish line you’ll only be disappointed. One step at a time, prepare for the long-haul.”
“More pregnancy advice?”
“It’s called labor for a reason.”
***
Thank god it hadn’t been a three-egg day. He’d had one when he was sixteen and his commission handler almost had a fit when he missed all of his classes and appointments for the day. Looking back, yeah, that was fucked up, but he still felt bad for wasting eveyone’s time.
“You really don’t have to carry me.” It was the morning of his third day, and Enji wanted him to get some air so he was taking Keigo out to the traditional garden.
“Ok.” Enji set him down in front of the porch steps on shaky legs and looked at him expectantly.
Ok, that did seem daunting. Hawks lifted himself with his wings. Slowly, using his telekinesis instead of flapping and set himself down under a bench.
“See!”
“Very convincing.” Enji snorted and joined him with only a few steps.
“I get by.” Hawks detached a feather and sent it to flick Enji’s fedora down so it sat at a jaunty angle.
“No more of that.” Enji looked down at him, stern and fatherly. It made him look doubly hot and like an old movie star with sharp masculine features.
Hawks stole a kiss. Warm lips contrasting against the chilly morning. The bench was solid beneath him, it didn’t hurt too much to sit, but he could tell he wouldn’t want to for long. He’s sure if he mentioned it Enji would rush to acquire a doughnut pillow or something similar for his comfort, but he didn’t want to change a thing.
Enji corrected the tilt of his hat. Hummed a deep bass note and braced for something.
“We can talk about it.”
“About the weather? It’s a little cold, but it’ll warm up! You can keep me comfy till then.”
“Boy!”
“About- about my fucked up self-image and how my worth is tied to my utility?”
Enji blinked several more times than necessary, then shook his head with a slight quirk of his handsome lips. “Keigo.” He sighed. “That’s very self-aware, and yes, that does need to be addressed, and no, I am not letting you have the same therapist as me,” Enji put a finger over his mouth before he could ask again. “I mean we can talk about next year.”
“Re-really?” Keigo’s sharp gold eyes widened, he cocked his head, and fluffed his wings until they were double the size and poofy with anticipation.
“Yes. I don’t want to hold you back. If you want children you should have them.”
“I- thanks! I mean, that’s great. But shouldn’t you want kids too?”
“I do. I don’t think I deserve them or that I will have much to contribute, but I do love children, and I want to see you as a parent.”
“I’ll be a kickass parent!”
“You threw Tokoyami off the sky tree.”
“So he could learn to fly! It’s a very long drop; he had plenty of time. Anyway! All that was bullshit, sounds like you’ve got some things to work out yourself.”
“Yes.” Enji looked stoically over the garden as Hawks imagined it filled with little toddler birds flitting about.
Eggs that would hatch. That would be marvelous, a miracle. Little clawed hands breaking through the red shells. He was vibrating with excitement. The pain of laying eggs would finally be worth it.
“I think I’m done.” He held his little pooch; it was almost back to the flat abs he sported for most of the year.
“Just four.”
“You should be hoping for a small clutch next year; if I do my normal five, you’re gonna be in trouble!” Hawks cackled at the look of horror that overtook Enji’s face. It would be fine; they had a whole year to prepare.