Chapter Text
The look of regret and sadness on her elf friend's face as he turned away from her and disappeared into the Eluvian pierced into Charlotte's heart like a dull dagger. It hurt, badly. But nothing compared to the pain in her hand as the green light engulfed it. He took the anchor but left a parting gift of decay. Skin turning black, blistering, and falling off. She remembered it when it happened but in dream form? It was accelerated, starting at her hand and moving up to her wrist within seconds, then her forearm. And the pain. She was screaming, but she could barely hear herself. Her arm was dying all over again, and she was once again powerless.
No, she screamed. Stop. Stop. STOP!
Charlotte sat up, her voice finally heard in her ears as she screamed. She was awake, no longer in the nightmare. Yet the pain was still there. Burning, throbbing, screaming in an arm that had not existed for months. She knew it wasn't there, yet felt the skin rising, blistering, ripping away from the muscle. Phantom fingers still balled into a fist, cramped and burning, never to relax and hold and move again.
She felt Cullen's arms around her shoulders, then her head against his bare chest. His warm body contrast against her cold one. Cold, despite being covered in a layer of sweat. Tears blurring her vision, Charlotte slumped against her husband.
"Charlotte, calm down," Cullen said, his voice filled with concern. "It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare. Everything is alright. You're safe."
Cullen's voice broke through the pain. Charlotte concentrated on his words, holding onto them with an iron grip. It was just a nightmare. She was safe. She didn't think everything was alright, but the other words were enough. The burning subsided, the throbbing stilled, and the screaming nerves quieted until it was just an annoying hum. She blinked away the tears and looked down at her hand in her lap, palm facing up and fingers crooked as if holding something. But there was nothing being cradled by that hand. No rotting forearm. More tears blurred her vision. She blinked and started sobbing, partly in relief, but mostly in frustration and shame. She felt Cullen's fingers running through her hair and then his lips pressed on the top of her head. She took in a few deep cleansing breaths, each inhale and exhale calming her hammering heart and bringing her closer to regaining control of herself.
"I'm sorry," She said when she was able to speak again as she sat up. "You must think I'm a real mess right now."
Cullen put his hand to her cheek and turned her face towards his. He touched his forehead to hers. "I've never thought you were any sort of mess," He said. "And I'm not about to start now."
Charlotte sniffled. She was still in awe of his patience with her. He was able to empathize with her struggles as of late, not necessarily understanding but at least trying. The nightmares weren't new, but they were becoming far more frequent than she would like. The phantom pains coming and going, rendering her nearly useless when they struck. And Cullen took it in stride, doing what he could to calm her, to help her get through the worst of it.
"I can deal with the nightmares," She said. "But the phantom pain. I..it's harder to deal with."
She looked at what was left of her left arm and sighed. She came to terms with what happened quite some time ago, but there were days when she felt the twitch of anger creep up. It was normal, according to the surgeon. As was the phantom pain. Charlotte knew this, but it didn't make any of it any less frustrating. She just wanted....normalcy.
Cullen wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him and turning her so her back was resting against his chest. He nuzzled her neck, his beard tickling her slightly. "You're doing better than you give yourself credit for."
Charlotte turned her head towards him and was met with a soft peck on the lips. She knew he was right. She had come a long way and was always getting better. But she had her off moments and those always felt far worse than they truly were.
"I know," She said with a sigh, looking down at her lap. "I'm just distracted by the hum of pain in a body part that's not there."
"I can distract you."
She looked back at Cullen, whose eyes had a twinkle of mischief in them. He smirked at her, then leaned in and kissed her with more than a soft peck, but a hard and passionate press. She returned the favor and before she knew it, his tongue and hers were coiling around one another like two angry serpents wrestling. She reached back and tousled his hair. Hair that had grown out quite a bit, now wavy and shaggy golden locks. He moved from her mouth and down to her neck, a playful bite in a spot that sent a tingle from the back of her neck and down her spine. He was distracting her, and it was working. She felt one of his hands slipping from her waist and making its way down, fingertips brushing her bare abdomen and then taking a plunge down the front of her smalls. A gasp of surprise quickly transformed into a low moan as Cullen continued his process of distraction by rubbing her clit, slowly at first and then a little faster with more pressure as her legs opened up to give him more access. Charlotte felt him stiffening against her back, above her tailbone. She let her arm fall and wander under the blanket until her fingers found their mark. Cullen rarely slept without at least a pair of slacks on, but the night before he had bathed and was much too tired to put on anything, so he just crawled into bed by his wife's side, au natural. Something she was thankful for, as her fingers brushed up and down the sensitive undercarriage of his erection. He hummed and then growled, elated by her touch. He got pleasure when he gave it to her, but when she reciprocated, it was like feeding a starving beast a banquet. He got on his knees, bringing her to hers. The blanket slipped off them both as he pulled his hand from her smalls, then slipped them down from her hips to her knees. Cullen gently pushed her to the bed upon her stomach and teased her with the head of his cock, rubbing it against her twat. She looked up at him, her eyes narrowed and begging. His smirk was wider as he gripped her hips and drove himself within her walls, uttering a low moan. He pulled halfway out, then slammed back in again, repeating and finding his pace. He could feel himself getting close, but was more focused on Charlotte's pleasure. The rolls of her head, the moans in her throat, and the arching of her back told him that she was getting to where he was. He got down on one elbow, his body over hers with mere inches of space between them. His other arm snaked underneath Charlotte's hips, his fingers back to the magic they had been doing previously, his thrusts becoming deeper, faster, harder. He whispered raspily into her ear, urging her to let go, to come for him. She gripped the blankets with a talon-like grip and let go with a string of profanities, her walls gripping and squeezing Cullen's cock with a tautness that brought him to join her in blissful elation as he buried his face into her shoulder, muffling his moans and grunts.
Shaking subsiding, breathing normalizing, Cullen lifted his head from Charlotte's shoulder and fell to her side just as she lifted her head from the bed, raven hair a mess as it hung in front of her face like an absurd mourning veil. He brushed her hair from her face with gentle fingers, smirking and placing a gentle kiss on lips that were curled in a satisfied grin.
"Distraction successful," Charlotte whispered, reaching up to his face and scratching at his beard.
Cullen smiled as he put his hand over hers. "I really should shave, shouldn't I?" He asked.
Charlotte shook her head. "I like your beard. Makes you look distinguished."
He smirked, his face turning a shade of pink as he scratched at his scalp and lightly pulled at some of his long wavy locks. "Does this make me look distinguished as well?"
Charlotte nodded. "Absolutely."
Cullen sighed and kissed Charlotte on the forehead. Sunlight was peaking in from the balcony, casting a golden spotlight in the middle of the room. He got up from the bed and walked through the spotlight, his gorgeous and fit body soaking in the sun briefly before he got to the wardrobe and began picking out clothes for the day. Charlotte pulled her panties back up and pushed herself up and off the bed. She approached Hawke, who was still slumbering in his dog bed. She kneeled down and gave him a kiss on the top of his head. The mabari woke up, snorted, and lifted up his head, giving her a lick on the cheek in response. She was grateful for a mabari that slept when things got intimate. But Cullen also trained Hawke well, so that he never needed to be tethered nor reprimanded for jumping up on places he wasn't welcome. She got to her feet and made her way to the wardrobe as Cullen was pulling on a pair of slacks. She brushed her fingertips across his lower back, then began to pull an outfit together.
"Divine Victoria's guards still need work," Cullen said as he pulled his armor from the wardrobe, having pulled on his shirt. "But they're shaping up rather well."
"Let us hope so," Charlotte said, bringing her clothes over to the bed and sitting down. "With those who aren't ready for her progressive changes being eager to violently oppose her and all."
With precision and swiftness, most of Cullen's armor was on his person. He began adjusting the straps on his chest piece. "I would love to see them try. If my recruits don't put a stop to it, her people will."
Charlotte slipped on her pants, then her shirt. She had gotten much better at buttoning her shirts with one hand. It took some practice and patience on her end, but it was almost second nature to her. She put on her leather vest with the fur mantle and buckled it, then stepped into the boots that were by the bed on the floor, buckling them with ease. She got to her feet. Cullen was now fully dressed in his armor. The very armor he had been wearing when she saw him for the first time on the mountain pass. He could have gotten a completely new set. Charlotte's brother, Edgar had offered to make something new for him, but Cullen had politely declined. He didn't feel the need to change what worked for him.
"While you train your men," Charlotte said. "I have to get measured for some formal dress that Divine Victoria insists I must wear to the ball next month at The Winter Palace. I fear she is forcing me into one of those fancy gowns."
Cullen approached her, smirking. "I have only seen you in a dress at our wedding. I know you aren't too fond of them, but I think you would look stunning in a gown."
Charlotte sighed and smiled. "I'll endure a gown, for you and you alone. Even if they look uncomfortable and seem rather impractical."
Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "If our wedding taught me anything, and if our last visit to the Winter Palace taught me anything, it's that a dress is practical for...certain things. As are balconies."
Charlotte raised an eyebrow, surprised at just how insatiable Cullen could be at times. Not that she was complaining. Usually, when one gets married, the passionate love-making and the desire start to peter out. But with Cullen, it only seemed to increase. Perhaps it was just the fact that they were no longer fighting against a darkspawn magister hellbent on entering the fade, or the fact that they had successfully prevented an invasion by the Qunari. No more dire threats to quash. There was the situation with Solas, but they had found no new information, no new leads on his whereabouts or plans. For now, they could do nothing. Besides, the spy network was handling things on that end.
"Such a wicked man you are."
Cullen smirked. "I can't help that I'm married to the most beautiful woman in all of Thedas."
Charlotte blushed. "Such a charmer."
They kissed, a passionate moment that was brief. Cullen grabbed her bottom, gave it a small squeeze, and then smirked as he left their room, Hawke following closely behind. Charlotte giggled and then stepped onto the balcony, leaning on the stone as she looked out at a few people mingling below. She still missed how populated Skyhold had been once. Or perhaps it was her friends she missed. Dorian, Cole, Iron Bull, Thom Rainier, Sera, Varric, Cassandra. Hell, she even missed Vivienne's snarky comments. They were all but memories she recalled whenever she wandered about and happen upon a space they once occupied.
A deep sigh and Charlotte went back into her room, wondering just how much longer they would be able to remain at Skyhold. Solas was the one who brought them there, and he was now their enemy. He surely knew they were still there, that the Inquisition was still in existence, and determined to stop him. When was he going to attack? Would he even do it? Charlotte didn't know.
All she knew was that, for the moment they were safe. And Skyhold was still their home.