Chapter Text
Chapter 1 - The Barbarian
Traversing the dark streets of the small village would hardly make you believe they could be offering such a hefty amount of money for a head, but the wanted poster on Craig’s hand said otherwise.
Being a rogue wasn't an easy feat and he was running out of funds, so he ventured into the promised land for thieves, sinners and bastards, the Dark Estate.
An eccentric heir had decided to reclaim the family estate, a dark castle whose land was cursed. He had issued wanted posters all over the reign, a call for action to those unfortunate souls with too many sins to care for another crime. Apparently, he wanted to reclaim the place of the unholy creatures that plagued it now.
Craig was one of those lured by the promise of payment. He had been a thief since the cradle, accumulating almost thirty years of deceit, blood and backstabbing. He wasn’t above murdering a bastard for some coins, much less if said fucker was in a wanted poster.
It was plain daylight, but you couldn’t tell, the foggy and eerie atmosphere really made the place look cursed. He prefered to work at night, that’s why he was wearing black from head to toe, but in such a god-forgotten place, it didn’t make much difference.
Also, he’d have to act fast if he wanted to get the catch of the day.
Streets were deserted but he heard the notes of a skilled lute. Resting under a window, a raggedy and, frankly, creepy jester played the instrument.
“Oi!” He said, approaching the man. He looked about his age, another poor orphan of the turn of the century raids for sure. It was ironic how they all rolled a low dice at birth, yet not low enough to be dead by now.
His dark clothes were tattered and only his cowl had any color in it. Orange. It was the most pathetic excuse of a clown Craig had ever seen.
There was something sexy about his whole demeanor though, and It didn’t help that he was crazy for blonds. “Have you seen this bastard?” He asked the jester, showing him the wanted poster.
“Is that what brings you here, scotsman?” He asked, smirking at Craig as he played a different song.
Ugh. An Irishman. “Have you seen him or not?” Craig insisted, and the man just pointed to the window behind him. He kept playing the tune unbothered.
Craig peeked through the window, only to find his target already slaughtered and dripping blood over his table, a joker card was shoved between his teeth. Tsk. He looked at the jester, who just looked at him with a smirk on his lips.
“You are not the first bastard trying luck in these parts, but you should really visit the tavern if you want a real chance for riches.” The joker explained as he stood up, willing to show him the way.
“Why?” Craig asked, looking at the window, wondering if they were just going to leave the bounty lying around.
“Because these bastards are small fishes, you have to complete a job if you want money. The heir is willing to pay really good for the expeditioners.”
“Why?” He repeated, not very convinced, following him around. Easy money always had a catch.
“He wants to recover the state, starting with the woods, the warrens, the ruins and the cove. Something dark lurks under the castle and it has affected the whole place.” The joker explained.
“Have you taken any of those jobs?” Craig asked with suspicion, as he watched the sickle and knife strapped to the clown’s back.
“Not really, I don’t have any companions and going alone is a suicide mision.” The man explained, getting really close and looking at him with a smirk. “Wanna team up?”
Craig kept his stoic demeanor, but raised an eyebrow. “What’s your name, jingles?” He quipped sarcastically.
“Name’s Kenneth. Kenny for shorts, Ken if we are sleeping together.” He replied, winking at him and Craig could already feel he was going to regret the whole thing.
The tavern was a sad run down building with equally sad lurkers, drinking their cares away.
In the middle of the room sat a big man, dressed lavishly and eating accordingly. That one must have been the heir.
Craig followed Kenny to him, but he almost tripped over the weapon of a weird man sitting on a table. “Watch your shit.” He barked, but the man didn’t even flinch, continuing to drink.
If it was a man at all.
Frankly he was just staring at the pelt of a wolf, currently covering a human, who seemed naked under it with the exception of some pants and pelts.
“Gentlemen, what brings you here?” The heir asked, as he rubbed his hand full of rings over his chin. He was dressed in red and teal and you could tell that he was the biggest bastard of them all.
“What you offer?” Craig asked, sitting in front of him.
“All the riches you can find and carry.” The man said, writing on a piece of paper.
Craig looked at Kenny who just gave him a “Told you so” look. “Okay, what’s the catch?” He asked, with great suspicion.
“If you die, you die.” The heir said with a shrug. “You have to buy your supplies too, but if you clear the road and get back safely, you can keep anything you want.”
That made the rogue weigh his options. It was really a high stakes sort of situation, but he saw the work of his partner and he trusted in his own skills as well. “Ok. We’ll take the next job.”
“Only you two? No, that’s impossible.” The heir laughed. “Four people and you have a decent chance of surviving, three makes it difficult but doable if it’s a short mission, two is impossible and one is suicidal.”
“What if we get someone else?” Kenny asked, looking around “What about that guy?” He asked, pointing at the wolfman.
The heir scratched his face looking at him with great interest. “The barbarian? Are you sure? Those are volatile… but he had asked for a job before.”
“Fuck that dude.” Craig spat, still offended he hadn’t apologized.
“Is that an order?” Kenny asked, laughing a bit. The heir just whistled, calling the man to their table.
He barely lifted his head and kept slouched as he walked to them. Now that Craig could see him stood up, he noticed tattooed arms and bare skin covered with scars of war.
The head of the wolf covered half his head, making you believe his eyes were actually the beast’s. The lower bones of the wolf’s jaw hung at the sides of his pelt. Everything was tied together with golden threads and even the animal’s ears sported some gold rings in his ears.
All the intimidation couldn’t fool Craig, who noticed how young his hands looked. He must have been around their age too. He also didn’t look as buff as you’d expect for a barbarian.
“Oh… I could take him.” Kenny said with a smirk as the guy stood next to them.
“I doubt you could win a fight against a barbarian.” The heir pointed out.
“Who said anything about a fight?” Kenny playfully asked, as he twirled a lock of hair around his finger.
“Tweek, right?” The heir asked. “I found you a team of crazies, no more drowning on my wine, you bastard, time to work.” He said, pointing at Craig and Kenny.
“Aren’t these guys super dangerous?” Craig asked, pointing at Tweek.
“Barbaric rage and unrelenting savagery make for a powerful ally.” The heir pointed out. “Just don’t piss him off.”
“Don’t talk about me as If I weren't here.” Tweek growled, surprising everyone with how soft and young his voice sounded. There was a lot of nervousness in his tone too.
Great, an even more volatile barbarian, what could go wrong?
“So you accept?” The heir insisted.
Tweek looked at them, well, they thought, they couldn’t really tell with his face all covered. “Are you skilled?”
“I can show you all my skills right now, babe.” Kenny laughed, but the barbarian just kept staring.
Kenny sighed and rolled his eyes, as he did not get any reaction. He instead stabbed the wanted poster into the table. “I finished this fucker, you tell me.”
Tweek ripped the paper and looked closely at it. “What about you?” He asked Craig, as he turned his attention to the rogue.
“I could ask you the same, puppy.” He quipped sarcastically, making the barbarian growl, but accept the deal.
“Would you like to invite someone else? Someone skilled in the healing arts?” The heir asked, pointing at the rest of the depressing tavern patrons.
“Excuse us a second.” Craig said, as he pulled Kenny to a corner. “I don’t want to share the bounty with someone else, this guy is already enough.” He whispered.
“Yeah, how hard can it be?” Kenny agreed. “Besides, I don’t know how greedy wolfy can be. What about 50/50 you and I? To begin with?”
“We’ll see about the percentages later.” Craig said, wanting actually 60%. “Plus, you know barbarians, offer them a shiny trinket and they are happy.”
“It takes balls to scam a barbarian.” Kenny pointed out. “I like you… uh, what’s your name?”
“Just call me Tucker.”
“I like it.” Kenny said with a smirk. “Sounds like fucker.”
Craig just rolled his eyes and pulled him to the table again. “We are taking it.”
The man looked at them with a grin. “Sign here, so I know what to put on your tombstones.”
"I must warn you, there is no way you can get out of there sane. These creatures, these monsters will drive anyone to insanity." The heir said, as he sold them a shovel. Then he looked at Kenny. "Might be a bit late for that one."
"Hey." The joker barked. “What do you think the lute is for? I’ll calm the little wolfy here if he gets too mean.” He added, trying to peek under Tweek’s pelt, but he just tried to bite him.
“I can’t believe you make us pay for this.” Craig complained, as he counted the coins in his satchel. “No way I’m buying four torches, give me two and some rations.” Then he turned around to face his party. “Any of you bastards want to collaborate?”
“Why? You are doing so well!” Kenny snickered. To be fair he had split the money of the bounty with him, but their funds were going back to the heir’s pocket too quickly.
“I don’t need your city folks' provisions.” Tweek said with a growl.
“Fine. Starve.” Craig barked back. He wasn’t going to baby sit nobody, much less an annoying furry.
“Too bad we don’t have a blacksmith, you could really use some improvement in those weapons.” The heir said, rubbing his fingers. “But of course, we need money for that.”
Craig rolled his eyes, the guy was already scamming them of their bounty money, now he wanted them to fund the hamlet too?
But Tweek seemed to think about it, caressing the blade of his glaive. He cut his thumb a little bit. “My Sovnya is as sharp as ever.” He growled, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice.
“You are so intense, dude. Dial it down.” Craig complained, but he checked his knives too. Rusted. “This path better be loaded with riches.”
“What do you think we are going to find?” Kenny asked his team as they walked the eerie silent road.
They had been traversing the woods for a while, if they managed to clear the road of its perils, more people could get to the Estate, and according to the heir, more bastards would come looking for a job.
“This road is full of thieves.” Tweek pointed out.
“Yeah mate, you are looking at one.” Craig snorted. Attacking the roads was the easiest way to make money. The most dangerous too.
He often targeted chariots full of tax money, but the war had ceased even those pleasures.
“The sun is setting, we are going to need those torches soon.” Kenny pointed out. Not like it made any difference, the fog and darkness of the whole place couldn’t tell you it was daylight.
“Oh fuck.” Craig yelled, stopping in front of a crucified body, covered in spores and fungi by then. He covered his mouth and nose with his cloak and Kenny did the same with his arm, but Tweek approached the body.
“Don’t touch that… Also, DON’T EAT THAT!” Kenny yelled, afraid of whichever action the barbarian was going to pull next. “Bad doggie, bad! Down.”
But Tweek just used his glaive to retrieve a golden necklace from the body and threw the thing at the floor. He then approached Craig and patted him all over his body.
“OH WOW, calm down buddy!” The rogue barked, embarrassed and a bit hot.
Kenny just blinked. “You are complaining? Man, don't be ungrateful.”
Tweek found what he was looking for, pulling a small flask from Craig’s hip satchel. He covered the necklace with its content, making it bubble a bit.
“Tsk. You used the antidote for that?” Craig complained, but he was actually surprised and pleased with their new bounty.
“It’s safe now.” Tweek said, giving him the necklace. He started walking in front of them after that.
“So that’s how we get treasures.” Kenny said, looking at the jewel in Craig’s hand. “Getting dirty.”
“It’s not like they are just going to be lying around.” The rogue said, putting the necklace on.
They kept walking but even if it was a straight road, it felt like a maze, with trees shifting and the wind changing directions too often. Something was afoot.
“Watch out.” Craig yelled, but Kenny walked right into a trap that left him hanging by the foot on one tree.
Suddenly, about six thieves appeared out of nowhere surrounding them. Tweek and Craig bumped backs, ready to take on the bastards.
“I think we s-” Craig started saying, but Tweek interrupted him with a howl, as he stabbed one thief through the chest, impaling him with his glaive and slamming the body on the enemy to their left.
“DAMN.” Craig yelled, not having any other option but bloodbath now, he threw two daggers, one to each thief's forehead.
“Ah fuck this.” Kenny complained, grabbing his sickle and cutting the rope. He climbed down the tree and jumped over the last thief, slitting his throat with his sickle. “I see you are not in the syndicate.” He quipped, panting and looking at Craig.
“Kicked out, actually.” The rogue replied, offering his hand to help him stand up again. “YOU!” He directed his attention to Tweek. “Don’t do that again! Can you fucking think before attacking!?”
“Get behind me.” The barbarian ordered.
“What?” Craig looked at him with confusion, but then he saw a cannon approaching at them and quickly obeyed, pulling Kenny too.
A huge man watched his small partner lit the cannon and pointed it at them. A thunder-like noise resounded in the forest.
The ball missed by mere inches, but the barbarian didn’t flinch, standing up fully in his attempt to cover them.
“It missed.” Tweek simply said.
“THAT WAS YOUR PLAN!?” They both yelled at him.
The big man laughed again, grabbing a new ball to load the cannon and the small one readied his torch.
“Stop the big one!” Craig ordered as he threw a dagger to the small man’s face, getting him right between the eyes. Tweek nodded and ran, using his glaive as some sort of vaulting pole and landing the sharp edge on the thieves head.
His own weight made him split the man in half.
Tweek stood there, panting and covered in blood. “I… don’t want to scam him anymore.” Craig whispered, a bit afraid of the barbarian. He had heard of how they couldn’t stop attacking when in the heat of a battle, not caring for friends or foes.
But the barbarian came back, slouching again. “We can camp with their lumber.” He just said, before sitting on a log to clean and sharpen his glaive.
“I think that was an order.” Kenny whispered, starting to gather wood for a fire. Craig just gave the barbarian a last look and left to pilfer the thieve's bodies.
They were truly grateful for having found the thieve’s camping site. It wasn’t ideal but it was a shelter, and if they thought daylight was dark, nothing compared to the absolute blackness of a night in the woods.
“You are not going to eat?” Craig asked the barbarian. Yes, he knew what he had said before, but he sort of owed his life to the bastard.
Tweek ignored him, still sharpening his glaive with a whetstone. Craig sighed and looked at Kenny, “Give me one of those.” he ordered, pointing at the small pouch of rations they had.
“Awn…” Kenny mocked him and gave him the stuff with a knowing look. “Shut up.” He barked, grabbing the food package and throwing it at Tweek’s feet. No way he was approaching a hungry barbarian.
Tweek stopped his sharpening and looked at the thing, grabbing it carefully.
“Are you going to keep that on? You can barely see in this darkness.” Craig said, partly because it was the truth and partly because he was curious about how the guy looked.
“Yeah, it’s not like we aren’t bastards on the run too.” Kenny added, also dying to know.
The barbarian seemed to think about their words for a bit, and then, slowly, took the wolf pelt off his head.
“Motherfucker…” Kenny gasped and Craig could only agree.
Tweek was a young man with an angelic face and beautiful green eyes. Too small and hairless for a barbarian, but with the distinctive gleam of savagery in his factions.
He had tattoos all over his body too, Craig finding one going from his small waist to his protruding hips especially alluring.
His golden hair shone almost as brightly as the ring piercing his right nipple and Kenny wondered how that hadn't been ripped off in battle yet.
“Dude…” Craig chuckled. “Really? No wonder you cover yourself with that, what happened? Didn’t eat enough corpses when you were little or what?”
“We don’t eat corpses!” Tweek yelled, looking a lot less intimidating without the pelt, but Craig stopped his egging, remembering he saw him slaughter like three guys that day.
“Don’t listen to Tucker, you look like a healthy, handsome, please let me fuck you, man.” Kenny said without even bothering to hide his subliminal message. Craig hit him in the back of his head.
“AAAACK…” Tweek complained, covering himself again with the pelt.
“Oh c’mon, I was joking, I was joking! That’s my job, I’m a joker, a silly little guy, don’t hide…” Kenny said, making the man peek again from behind his cover. He still had them on, but at least now they could see his face.
Craig enjoyed this turn of events very much, it was just easier to talk to Tweek now that he wasn’t facing a dead wolf everytime he looked at him, and to be honest, the view was much more pleasant than what he could ever imagine.
“Thanks for helping us today.” He said, looking at the barbarian. “I think we make a great team.” He added looking at Kenny too. “I mean, if you stop falling for traps.”
“Ha.ha.ha. Jingle my bells, Tucker.” The joker quipped sarcastically as he flipped him off.
“You guys are my pack now. I have to protect you.” Tweek said, as he focused on sharpening his glaive again.
That made Kenny and Craig raise an eyebrow. “What do you exactly want to gain from this adventure?” Kenny asked with genuine interest.
“I just want a worthy enemy to send me to hell.” Tweek answered, twitching and without peeling his eyes from his glaive.
The atmosphere turned dark suddenly, but Kenny tried to turn back the clock. “So you don’t care about the money?”
“I just care about my duty.” He replied. “You should sleep, I’ll guard.”
“C’mon dude, we’ll take turns.” Craig said, but the barbarian refused. “Can’t sleep, I can still hear them.”
Craig wanted to insist, but Kenny stopped him, reminding him how dangerous a distressed barbarian could be. They retired to the tent.
The rogue didn’t want to think about the past of their newfound tent, but the smell and the stains made it hard to ignore.
“How much action do you think this place saw?” Kenny asked, checking the pillows for some money.
“I don’t want to think about it.” Craig replied, covering his eyes with his hood.
“Want to add to it?” Kenny smirked, lying next to him.
“No.” The rogue dryly replied.
“C’mon, I saw you eyeing me.” Kenny added, but found no answer. “FINE.” He yelled, sleeping with his back turned to him.
He woke up hours later, both him and the jester completely sprawled over each other. He quietly got free from the entanglement and went outside.
“It’s still an hour until dawn.” Tweek said, making him jump. He really thought the man would be sleeping by now.
“You stayed up all night?” He asked, as he grabbed his flask and took a swig from it. He then offered it to the barbarian, who took a big gulp and spat it over the fire, making it sputter.
That entertained Tweek, who just turned to him and asked what was in the flask.
“Whisky.” Craig said, laughing at the disgusted face of the barbarian. “Wait, you are old enough to drink, right?”
“I have many sun turns. Been a man for a while.” Tweek barked back, a little sedated due to his fatigue.
“Can you please go fucking sleep, man?” He ordered, pointing at the tent. “You said it, still an hour ‘till dawn. GO.”
And Tweek sighed, looking pissed off at him, but he obeyed anyways.
“Oh… hello.” Kenny said, having woken up hugging what in his dreams was a huge teddy bear but turned out to be the wolf pelt of a barbarian.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Tweek yelled waking up with a knife in hand.
“DUDE, DUDE IT’S ME!” Kenny yelled back, getting the furthest away from the barbarian.
“WHAT HAPPENED!?” Craig asked, opening the tent with desperation.
“Oh.” Tweek replied, putting his knife away and sitting calmly, making his partners breathe again.
“Thanks to that little camp we saved in torches.” Kenny said, checking their bag of bounty. “Good thing is that we didn’t need the bandages.”
The barbarian quickly snatched them and started wrapping his hand.
“Hey! That’s not a toy, you are not hurt!” Craig complained, but Tweek just rolled his eyes at him and shoved his arm inside a tree hole.
He seemed to be looking for something, and when he pulled his arm back again it was covered in venomous spiders.
“PLEASE don’t eat that.” Kenny begged him.
“Why do you think I’m going to eat every weird thing we find?” Tweek asked, shaking his arm to get rid of the spiders and showing them his open hand filled with jewels and gold.
“How did you know!?” Craig asked, amazed at the finding.
“I know these woods. Some trees bear markings of strange nature, the thieves wanted to remember where they hid stuff.” Tweek explained, shoving the treasures in the bag.
Craig nodded but thought about something. “So. We either use the supplies to heal ourselves or to get treasures.”
“Choose wisely.” The barbarian warned him.
“Wow, you guys made it back.” The heir said, with slight surprise in his tone. Their first campaign has been a success and the sight of the sad, smelly tavern has never been more welcomed. “Got any treasure?”
“Of course!” Kenny replied, emptying the treasure bag over the table..
The heir looked pleased at them. “Gentlemen, would you care about funding our little estate?”
Craig knew it. There was always a catch to easy money. “What the fuck do you mean?”
“Well… this money would be enough to get ourselves a priest or a harlot, we could get the brothel and the parish going for those heroes that need to commune with the holy power or the carnal needs. The heir explained, rubbing his fingers together.
“BROTHEL!” Craig and Kenny yelled in unison, shoving their earnings into the guy’s hands.
“You promised a blacksmith!” Tweek complained, but he was shushed by his partners.
“If you keep this flow of money coming, you might get your blacksmith. Finest in the land too, brah.” The heir said as he ate another grape.
“So that was the plan all along?” Craig complained. “We risking our asses so you can keep this shit hole running?”
“I’ll add a gambling hall to the brothel.” The heir simply said.
“Deal.”