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Two-Bit Mathews loves Darry Curtis. He knows he shouldn’t, ‘cause it’s wrong and stuff. Believe him, he’s tried damn near everything to get over liking guys. Nothing works.
He never wanted to be attracted to guys. He never wanted to be like this. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t kill you for it. Maybe if the world were better, just a little, he could even be a little proud of it.
He’s seen the way people treat queers in their town. Even in his own gang; Dallas jumped and almost killed a guy after finding out he was a queer. They used to be buddies, too.
But Darry isn’t like that. He doesn’t go around acting like queers are the scum of the earth, which Two-Bit’s thankful for.
Darry is someone who you can respect. He was voted Boy of The Year in school, played football, is honest, strong, independent, and an all around nice guy you can rely on.
He always keeps his door unlocked in case one of the boys is in need of a place to stay, whether it be because he needs it, like Dallas, or just because he needs a place to cool off. The lack of locked doors has proved useful to Two-Bit on several occasions.
Two-Bit often finds himself stretched out on the Curtis’ sofa, or in Darry’s armchair when Steve or Dally are occupying it. It isn’t that he needs the shelter; he’s got that. His momma works her ass off day and night to provide it. Maybe it’s the loneliness; when he’s bumming around the gang he feels like he doesn’t need alcohol to feel happy. When he’s wrestling Steve on the floor or wisecracking to Johnny or Ponyboy, or no one in particular, the smile he wears is authentic. It does not come from a bottle of booze. Rather, it comes from his heart.
In the middle of February, Two-Bit finds himself in a fight between him and a guy he’d known forever and long since gotten on the bad side of.
The meeting wasn’t planned, and neither was the fight, but Two-Bit says the wrong thing at the wrong time and it pisses off his old friend.
He fights long and hard, but so does the man he’s fighting. He underestimated the skill of his opponent by a long shot.
He gets the shit beat out of him, but the other guy isn’t any better. Two-Bit makes sure of that.
Two-Bit lays on the cold, hard concrete for a while. It’s comforting the wounds that burn on his skin.
He lays on the pavement long enough for Darry to find him.
Embarrassed, Two-Bit avoids Darry, desperate to think about anything other than the man kneeling in front of him. He focuses on Darry’s jeans—they’re all he can see—and decides they’re a real nice blue.
“Two-Bit,” Darry says.
A groan escapes from Two-Bit’s lips. From the pain or because Darry is there, he doesn’t know.
Darry slowly and gingerly helps Two-Bit sit up, then stand.
“You look like shit,” Darry mentions. Two-Bit chuckles.
“Should see the other guy,” he says, smiling weakly.
“You should probably get your ass home,” Darry says, ignoring Two-Bit’s comment, “your mom is probably worried sick. Your sister, too.”
Two-Bit is utterly serious and shaking his head when he says, “I don’t want ‘em seein’ me like this, Dar. My momma’s got enough to worry about as it is, and my sister don’t need to be worryin’ ‘bout me neither.”
Darry nods in what Two-Bit thinks is understanding.
“Okay,” he says, a little slower than usual, “why don’t you crash at my place then? Won’t be any different from your usual bummin’ around.”
Two-Bit finds it in himself, through all the pain, to laugh.
Darry remains close to Two-Bit the entire way. Even though Two-Bit knows it’s because they’re both worried he’ll fall, he likes to think it’s because Darry loves him too. The thought is enough to keep him going, because in reality, he’s smarting and aching all over and all he wants to do is sit back down on the nice, cool pavement and have a smoke, and maybe a few bottles of booze, too.
Two-Bit feels he can exhale in relief once they slowly but surely make their way up the house’s front steps.
Darry leads him into the house, the door slamming behind them, and then to the sofa. Two-Bit nearly crashes as he sits down.
Darry disappears into the kitchen, and Two-Bit closes his eyes, trying to imagine the cold concrete relieving his aching body.
But Darry comes back just as quick as he left. He has an ice pack in one hand and a first-aid kit in the other.
Two-bit opens one eye, then the other when he sees Darry in front of him.
“Gonna patch me up, Superman?” he asks, grinning. “We ought to start callin’ you Doctor Darry, huh?”
Ignoring him, Darry throws the ice pack at him. He catches it and holds it to the side of his head. It’s even better than the concrete he laid on.
Darry kneels so that he’s level with Two-Bit.
“The hell did you get yourself into this time?” Darry asks as he’s cleaning Two-Bit’s wounds.
“Oh, y’know,” Two-Bit begins, “the usual. Guy can’t take a joke, I guess.” He shrugs, indifferent.
Darry shakes his head, mouth twisted into a frown. He finishes up with the first-aid kit in only a few minutes.
Standing up, he asks, “Why don’t you know when to keep your damn mouth shut?” There is no humor in his tone when he speaks. There is only seriousness. And a hint of concern, Two-bit thinks.
He doesn’t know how to answer. He doesn’t have an answer.
“Just part of the charm,” he decides finally, expression smug as he gestures to himself.
Darry is silent for a few moments. Apprehensive, Two-Bit holds his breath. He sighs in relief when Darry grins at him and even snickers.
Darry opens his mouth to say something, but before he can utter a word, Ponyboy comes running into the room, Soda in tow.
“Hey, Dar,” Soda says, grinning. “Hey, Two-Bit!”
“Hey, y’all!” Two-Bit responds cheerfully, waving childishly.
“What happened to you?” Pony asks, serious and concerned just like his older brother was earlier.
“Me?” Two-Bit says, “Well, I was just ever so kindly walking a girl hom—”
Darry gives Two-Bit one of those looks, and Two-Bit laughs.
“It was nothin’,” he says, brushing it off. Ponyboy doesn’t look convinced, but when Two-Bit grins that wide grin of his and even winks playfully, he decides to lay off.
“What do y’all want for supper?” Darry asks. “That includes you too, Two-Bit.”
“Someone say supper?” Steve’s voice asks. Then he appears, walking over the threshold. The door slams behind him.
“Yeah,” Two-Bit replies, “and guess what? Darry’s lettin’ me pick!”
“Why let him pick?” Steve inquires, shoving Two-Bit’s legs off the sofa so he can sit down. Two-Bit kicks his legs back up, using Steve’s legs as a footrest.
“I ain’t lettin’ him pick,” Darry says, “I said all three of ‘em could decide on something.”
Two-Bit punches Steve in the shoulder, and Steve claps Two-Bit on the back. The two of them go at it for a while, hitting and punching and occasionally kicking.
“Well, I want pizza,” Two-Bit announces suddenly. “We all good with that? Can’t go wrong with a good ol’ pie, can you?”
No objections are made. Two-Bit beams as Darry dials the local pizza shop’s phone number.
“Hey, Steve,” Soda says, stepping over to he and Two-Bit, “we still on for tomorrow?”
“You bet,” Steve replies, smirking.
“Can I go?” Ponyboy asks, eyeing his older brother hopefully.
“Aw, man, sorry kiddo,” Soda says, messing up Pony’s hair, “we’re takin’ Evie and Sandy. Next time me ‘n Steve go somewhere, though, we’ll take you. Sound good?”
Disappointed and wanting to protest, Ponyboy nods anyway. He notices Steve looks irritated with him, and assumes it’s because Soda will take him with next time they go out.
“Maybe we can get Dally and Sylvia to come along,” Steve says, glancing at Ponyboy as he speaks. Ponyboy pretends not to notice.
“Yeah,” Soda replies, making room between Steve and Two-Bit so he can sit down.
Darry hangs up the phone and turns toward the boys.
“Pizza should be here soon,” he says. “What’s all this now, about plans tomorrow with Evie and Sandy?”
“Oh,” Soda replies, “I forgot to tell you. We’re takin’ ‘em out tomorrow for Valentine’s Day. That okay?”
“Yeah, it’s alright,” Darry says, “just be sure you keep yourselves outta trouble and don’t do nothin’ stupid. And be back by eleven, at the latest. I’ll skin you if you’re any later.” He grins.
“Two-Bit,” Soda says, “I don’t suppose you got yourself a date?”
Two-Bit laughs.
“Oh, no. Actually, I will have you know that Superman and I will be engaging in the most romantic activities known to man on this Valentine’s Day.”
It goes real quiet all of a sudden. Steve’s jaw is tight, his eyes narrow. Soda swallows hard, and Pony’s eyes are wide. Two-Bit is suddenly glad Dallas is not there.
He looks at Darry, whose cheeks have turned pink, almost red.
Now slightly afraid, Two-Bit breaks the silence. It’s what he’s good at.
“I’m just kiddin’,” he says, “I got some blondes that I’ll be takin’ out. Sorry to be missin’ out on y’all’s party. Sounds real fun, though.”
Two-Bit looks at Darry again. This time, he sees a hint of something in Darry’s icy blue eyes. Something he can’t name but desperately wants to. But by the time he can really get thinking, Darry’s eyes are back to normal. Something about it leaves Two-Bit unsatisfied.
“Christ,” Steve mutters, “you really had me worried for a second, there, man. I thought you were a queer or somethin’.”
“No, no,” Two-Bit begins, but Darry grabs him by the arm, pulling him up. Two-Bit drops the ice pack and Steve catches it.
“I need his help with somethin’,” Darry says quickly. Dragging Two-Bit by the wrist, Darry leads him into the hallway so that they are out of the other boys’ earshot.
“What?” Two-Bit starts to say, but Darry cuts him off.
“You can’t say shit like that, Keith!” Darry whisper-shouts.
“Why not? Was just a joke.” He shrugs.
“Are you kidding me? Have you seen the way people treat queers ‘round here? Well, let me tell you, it ain’t fuckin’ good. And I ain’t itchin’ to lose my job or get beat up or killed ‘cause of you!”
Two-Bit’s silver gray eyes are stormy as Darry lectures him.
“I shoulda known,” he says, shaking his head before walking hurriedly away. He doesn’t say goodbye, nor does he wave. He is out the door in a flash, the door once again slamming behind him. He does not see the looks of confusion on his friends’ faces.
Teary-eyed and lost in more ways than one, Two-Bit wanders around for a while. He pulls out beer can after beer can he has stashed in his jacket pockets and walks for what feels like an eternity. Eventually his legs get too tired and he sits down.
Two-Bit does what he does best: he drinks. He drinks and drinks and drinks until there is nothing left but his salty tears and several beer cans strewn about the pavement.
The pavement is cold, but this time it is not comforting. This time it is unforgiving.
How stupid he was for thinking Darry wasn’t like the rest of the people in this damned town.
He should have known better. Why didn’t he know better?
Two-Bit doesn’t know how long he lays sprawled out on that curb for. But the stars are out and he can’t see except for the light the street lights hanging above him offer.
He hears footsteps coming closer and closer, but he just can’t bring himself to care. He thinks about what Darry said to him, about him not being able to keep his damn mouth shut, and vaguely wonders if the footsteps belong to someone with ill intention.
The footsteps stop and Two-Bit hears the person they belong to crouching down. He turns his head so he doesn’t have to look this person in the eye.
A calloused but gentle hand meets Two-Bit’s leather-covered shoulder.
“Two-Bit,” the man says quietly.
Two-Bit knows this voice. He would know this voice anywhere.
“Darry,” he replies, swallowing down the hard lump in his throat.
He tries to move Darry’s hand off his shoulder, but he is too drunk to succeed. Darry tightens his grip on Two-Bit’s shoulder and his other hand finds its way under Two-Bit’s armpit, pulling him up off the ground and sitting him up.
“What the hell is wrong with you? How did you even get all the way out here? You ain’t got a car or nothin’!”
“Dunno,” Two-Bit slurs, then pauses. “Where are we?”
“Pretty damn far from home!” Darry replies. He picks up one of Two-Bit’s beer cans. “This yours?”
Two-Bit nods sullenly. “Yeah.”
Darry looks around, finally noticing the several cans of alcohol, all of them empty.
“And I don’t suppose you drank all of these too?”
“Mhmm.”
“Christ, Keith,” Darry mutters.
“‘M sorry,” Two-Bit says, “didn’t think you’d go huntin’ for me. You weren’t s’posed to.”
“And why the hell not, huh?”
“I thought you didn’t wanna lose your job ‘n all that.”
“Shit, I didn’t mean all that,” Darry says. “‘Sides, you were just joking, like you said. I know you ain’t a queer.”
Two-Bit doesn’t say anything. His eyes betray him, letting tears pool in his eyes and fall down his cheeks.
“Shit, Two-Bit, I—”
“No!” Two-Bit cries, “don’t you get it? I am a queer!”
“Two-Bit—”
“I can’t keep doing this anymore, Darry. I love you, okay? It’s fine if you wanna cut ties with me after this, and it’s fine if you hate me, but I just needed to tell you. I just wanted you to know.”
Two-Bit struggles to stand, and it takes him a while, but he manages. Darry rises with him, worry plaguing his mind.
“Keith. . .”
“‘M fine,” Two-Bit interrupts, “I can walk.”
He puts one foot out shakily, then staggers for a few moments before tripping and plummeting backwards. Too drunk to realize, Two-Bit doesn’t catch himself, nor does he do anything to stop. He lands on his ass and inhales sharply.
Darry is at Two-Bit’s side in an instant. Two-Bit doesn’t allow himself to look at the man next to him.
“Two-Bit, you’re drunk,” Darry says softly, “let me help you. Please.”
Two-Bit rests his head on Darry’s shoulder.
“M’kay,” he says reluctantly. Darry grins, and the two of them slowly rise together. Darry’s got one arm under Two-Bit, and Two-Bit’s arm is slung around Darry’s neck lazily. Slowly but surely, they make their way to Darry’s Ford.
“I swear, if you throw up in my damn truck,” Darry says. Two-Bit laughs.
“I won’t.”
“You better not. If you do, I'm kicking you out and you’re walkin’ home.”
“Relax, if I gotta blow chunks I’ll blow ‘em out the window.”
Darry sighs as he helps Two-Bit into the passenger seat. Two-bit watches Darry walk around the front of the truck and get into the driver’s seat. The radio is playing an Elvis song. On another night, Two-Bit would turn the volume all the way up and sing along to his favorite artist. But tonight he doesn’t. The low volume is nice and comforting, along with Darry’s occasional taps on the steering wheel.
Neither of them has said a word the entire way. There isn’t anything to say, Two-Bit supposes. He’s said quite enough.
“Listen, Two-Bit,” Darry says suddenly. Two-Bit looks at the man on his left. He notices that Darry looks like he’s struggling to find the right thing to say. “About what you said before. . .”
“Yeah, I know,” Two-Bit says. “It’s okay if you don’t wanna have anything to do with me anymore. I understand.” He looks out the window.
“No,” Darry replies quickly, “it ain’t that. I don’t hate you.”
“Well then what is it?”
“Christ, Two-Bit. . .”
“What?”
“Look, if I tell you, you need to swear to me that you won’t tell anyone. It don’t matter who it is; you can’t tell ‘em. Understood?”
“Mhmm,” Two-Bit slurs, “get on with it already, Dar. I ain’t gettin’ any younger, here.”
“You said you loved me.”
“I know.”
“I love you too, Two-Bit.”
Two-Bit gazes at Darry, eyes wide, mouth agape. Salty tears pool in his eyes when he realizes Darry’s own eyes are wet with tears.
“Shit, Two-Bit, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to tell you. I never knew when it’d be the right moment. Worst part is, it’s all gonna be for nothin’ since you ain’t gonna remember tomorrow mornin’.”
“I’ll try to remember, Darry. I love you.”
Darry is smiling when he says, “I love you too.”
The rest of the way is silent, except for the radio that now plays a song Two-Bit has never heard in his life. Darry stops the truck just as Two-Bit is beginning to nod off.
“We’re here,” Darry says.
“Where?”
“My house, dipshit. Get out, I ain’t carryin’ you in.”
Two-Bit chuckles as he slowly gets out of the truck. His hand finds Darry’s in the dark, and he holds onto it as if his life depended on it. Darry doesn’t protest; maybe he would have if it weren’t dark out, but he allows himself this.
Darry opens the door, making sure it doesn’t slam behind them. He frowns when he sees Ponyboy and Soda both sprawled out on the sofa, entangled in each other’s arms.
“Hold on,” Darry says. He steps over Pony’s shoes and shakes both of his brothers awake.
“Oh, hey, Dar,” Soda says. He sits up sleepily and then yawns. “We fell asleep.”
“I see that, little buddy. You two go off to bed now. It’s pretty late, even for you.”
Soda nods. He stretches after standing up and heads into the hallway.
“Goodnight, Dar,” Pony says. “Goodnight, Two-Bit.”
“Night, kid.” Two-Bit waves.
Ponyboy speedwalks to catch up with Soda, who’s already in their room.
“There you go. Sofa’s all yours,” Darry says. “Goodnight, Two-Bit.”
“Night, Dar.”
Darry takes a step to move into his room, but something keeps him from walking away. Darry exhales, then moves in to hug Two-Bit. Two-Bit gladly embraces him. He smells the cologne Darry uses. He would smell it forever if he could. The moments between this hug feel like an eternity. Neither of them want it to end.
But eventually, Darry does pull away.
“Sleep well,” he says, and Two-Bit nods.
“You too,” he replies. He waits until Darry is in his room to finally lay down. Two-Bit stares at the ceiling and tries to count sheep so he can fall asleep.
He reaches fifty-seven before he passes out on the Curtis’ sofa.
Two-Bit awakes the next morning to the sound of a shower turning off. He wonders what time it is. He assumes pretty damn early, since no one is in the kitchen yet, or in the living room roughhousing as per usual.
He closes his eyes, wanting to fall back asleep. He’s exhausted and he wishes he didn’t wake up so early.
He hears the creaking of old floorboards.
His eyes open, and he smiles. The early morning sun shines through the window, and the birds have started chirping happily.
“Mornin’,” he says.
The man in front of him nods.
Then, silence.
Until he asks, “Do you remember?”
“Yeah,” Two-Bit confirms, “yeah, I do. All of it.”
Darry smiles.
“Well, in that case,” he says, a little quietly, “I love you.”
Having been waiting to say these words for so damn long, without hesitation, Two-Bit replies, “I love you too, Darry. Be my Valentine?”