Work Text:
Razor,
I leave this letter to you in the wake of my death. Hopefully you didn’t have too much trouble finding it. I really don’t know when my bad luck will finally catch up to me. If by the time I’m gone you still haven’t learned to read, I hope you have someone you trust reading this to you.
(Translator: Do not read the following out loud. If you’re reading this to Razor for me, I apologize for all the personal stuff. I couldn’t think of another way to get this message to him.)
The first thing I want to say is something I know I’ve told you before. No matter what happened to me, you can’t blame yourself Razor. You’ve always been by my side. You’ve stuck with me through everything. It was only a matter of time before I ran out of luck altogether. It was hard for me to let you stay by my side when I knew something like this was bound to happen. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, but I was also selfish and wanted nothing more than for you to walk this path with me. Our time together meant the world to me. You were the greatest friend. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to spend my days with.
I am writing this note for you to find in case I haven’t built up the courage to say this stuff to your face. If you’re reading this now, I’m sorry. I was hoping to come out with it before fate had it’s way. I know I talk a lot, but I’m not always the greatest with words. Saying all this to your face just isn’t something I can do right now. Hopefully the day will come where I can dig this letter back up and destroy it. No matter how hard I try, I’m not going to be able to outrun this curse. I hope I gain the strength to tell you before that day comes.
But if not, here’s my confession to you.
Before you came into my life I was unhappy. Terribly lonely and depressed. I put on that outward facade of positivity. I don’t really completely understand why. People react better to it. Maybe I thought if I acted happy I would feel happy. It’s all really complicated. When we started hanging out, my loneliness began to fade. My real friends are few. Most people rejected me or showed kindness but never really wanted to be around me. You were different. You never judged me or blamed me for things that I had no real control over. Every time I started to fall down that hole of blaming myself you always stepped in to tell me it wasn’t my fault. At first I wasn’t sure if you’d stay. I didn’t know if you’d eventually see just how bad it was to be around me and leave. That’s how it usually went. But no matter what, you always came back. And I couldn’t help but let myself feel like our friendship was true.
When we got stuck together during that first Windblume Festival...that’s when it all started to change for me. Not for the worst! It was then that I started questioning how I felt about you. But even then I didn’t want to think about it. I shook it off every time. However, I wanted to spend more time with you. Get closer and share more adventures. I couldn’t get enough time with you. That’s why I started asking you to go adventuring or helping me with commissions more and more. Never in my life had I been treated so well. You made me feel special. I’m sure right up to my very last breath.
In case you haven’t quite caught on by now Razor, I fell in love with you. With you I was happy. I wasn’t putting on a fake smile. My joy was genuine. I could be myself without fear. Even if your love for me was platonic, it was still love. I had never been loved quite like that before.
You’re a wonderful person Razor. You’re strong, kind, and always willing to help. I know right now you’re probably really sad. I understand. If it was the other way around I would be inconsolable. But I want you to do something for me. Stay strong. Keep being that person you were with me. I’m so proud to have ever called you my friend. That I could attract someone so wonderful into sticking by my side always amazed me. You’re going to do great things for Mondstadt. I know it.
I like to think you felt the same for me as I did for you, but because you’re reading this, I guess it means I never had the courage to fess up before it was too late. If I could have, I would have been by your side until we were both grew old and could only reminisce about the adventures we had together. That was a dream I knew would never come, but I want you to know it’s what I wanted to be. Thank you for making my life worth living. I’m leaving this world happy and in peace because I lived the best years of my life up until the very end. All of them with you.
I love you Razor.
-Bennett