Chapter Text
Kate Todd snickered as she watched Tony DiNozzo's face turn red and ran his teeth over his lower lip. Oh, this kept getting better and better. She almost couldn't believe that Tony wasn't laughing with her. Mr. Self-Proclaimed Sex Machine was bothered by kissing a guy. She hadn't thought he was homophobic, their jobs really didn't allow them to discriminate, but seeing how bothered he was over it just made him ripe for teasing.
Serves him right, she thought. If he hadn't let his libido take over his brain, he wouldn't have been such an idiot. And a little payback won't hurt him. Maybe he'll think twice next time before teasing me about my life. She laughed all over again. Oh yeah, this was better than she could've hoped for. Tony DiNozzo tongued a guy, liked it, and was embarrassed because he liked it. It was just too good an opportunity to pass up and the fact that Abby had enjoyed teasing him as much made it even better.
She glanced at Tony. He kept his eyes on the road, his face grim, and ignored her. She grinned at him. He couldn't ignore her for long, no matter how hard he might try.
He signaled the left turn and changed lanes before coming to a full stop at a red light, waiting for the green arrow.
He really needed to loosen up about it. "You really have nothing to be embarrassed about, Tony. He looked like a woman. The way you two were going at it so hot and heavy, it's a wonder you didn't discover his secret on your own." The thought of Tony thinking he was kissing a woman and discovering that 'she' had a hard-on made her laugh all over again.
Tony closed his eyes for a second, and then opened them and his teeth worried his upper lip this time. The light changed and he turned left smoothly, still ignoring her.
She snorted as he continued to ignore her despite her efforts to get a rise out of him. "What's wrong, Tony? Your masculine ego threatened? I guess the fact you're embarrassed because you tongued a guy and liked it could make a guy second-guess himself." She snorted again, unable to contain it.
Silence. Once again, Tony did not respond and Kate felt a little uncertainty. It wasn't like him to not respond to her baiting for so long. It was eerie. A moment later, a store came into view and she was surprised when Tony signalled a right turn and pulled in and parked near the end of the lot. He kept the engine running, but put it in park. Then he slammed his hand, palm-side down onto the dashboard. Kate startled, her eyes jumping to Tony's face. She had never seen him look so upset, and even when she had seen him irritated, it had never been directed at her like this before. She swallowed hard. Maybe she went too far?
"Yeah, laugh it up, Kate," Tony said quietly, and somehow, the flat tone of voice was such a sharp contrast to smacking the dashboard that it set goose bumps jumping out on her skin. "It's a great joke, isn't it? Tony DiNozzo kissed a preop transsexual. It's hilarious. Really. It is. If our roles were reversed, I'd piss myself laughing at you."
Kate swallowed again. The almost monotone of his voice as he said his piece belied his words and suddenly it occurred to her that maybe Tony wouldn't have laughed if their roles had been reversed.
Tony cleared his throat and suddenly, his voice wasn't flat anymore and he infused sincerity in every word. "That is…until I found out that the transsexual was the person who murdered our colleague and my friend in cold blood."
The little smug smirk Kate was wearing disappeared in an instant. She stiffened as the meaning of his words sank in. She felt heat rise to her face and her eyes closed, realizing how far over the line she was.
"But who thinks that would bother me in the least?" Tony went on. "You know how we frat boys are, don't you Kate?" Tony's voice changed slightly in pitch, a little of the sarcasm he was so good at infused in his words, but his tone was still soft and sad. "We don't care about anything as long as we get liquored and laid, right?"
Shame washed through her like a tidal wave. Tony joked around a lot, he quoted movies incessantly and he bragged about his conquests, but she knew he had a moral code under his party boy persona. She opened her mouth, intending to try to smooth things over, but Tony spoke again in the same quiet tone.
"I kissed a murderer, Kate. And he didn't murder just anyone…he murdered our colleague…our friend. I never would've thought she or he, whatever, was capable of murder. He fooled me, I never would've..." He trailed off and Kate dared to look up at him and he had tears in his eyes as he stared out the window at the cars driving by as they entered and exited the parking lot. "…and I have to live with that for the rest of my life."
Tears filled her eyes as she stared at Tony as he made this confession. His habit of making irreverent jokes about everything had seeped its way into her subconscious and she hadn't realized until now that Tony hadn't made any jokes this time. That should've been a clue to her, but she hadn't noticed, hadn't even thought about it. She just saw an opportunity and ran with it.
She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. Not even going to Confession after losing her virginity had made her feel this stricken over her behavior.
"But hey!" Tony's suddenly loud and cheery voice made her jump. "Don't stop laughing on my account. You got one up on me. Milk it for all its worth."
Kate didn't bother to wipe away the next tear that streamed down her face. She looked over at him again. "Tony," Kate started, the shame now in her voice as well as her countenance.
"Don't!" Tony interrupted, anger pulsing through the word. "Don't even! It's too fucking late to take it back so just let it go, all right?!"
Kate looked away, tears streaming constantly now. Tony didn't use the F-word that often, at least not at the office, so to hear it now made her wince because it made more of an impact. She had never fully appreciated that until now.
Tony pulled out of the parking spot. She knew she needed to say something. Apologizing was pointless, but she needed him to know she wasn't laughing at him anymore. She opened her purse and pulled out a tissue and blew her nose and wiped at her eyes. "You're right," she finally spoke past dry lips. "It's not funny."
Tony didn't answer. It was like she hadn't said anything.
"I…"
"I swear to God if you say you're sorry, I'm going to pull over, haul you bodily out of the car and you'll walk back to the Navy Yard."
"Tony, please…"
"For once today, just do us both a favor and shut up!" Tony bit out, his body shaking in barely-controlled rage, and he bit his lower lip.
More tears burned Kate's eyes at the harsh words she never thought she'd hear from Tony DiNozzo, but she deserved them and she knew it. She swallowed the lump in her throat and the burning in her face showed no sign of dissipating. Tony clearly hated her right now and she hated herself. The rest of the trip was made in silence and she was grateful when they arrived at their witness' apartment.
"He should be in apartment 202," Tony said, setting aside their personal issues for the sake of the job and Kate nodded, taking one last swipe at her eyes though the fact that she'd been crying was probably obvious. "You going to be able to do this?" Tony was looking at her now though his face was impassive.
She nodded, took a deep breath and put a professional mask on as she had done a thousand times before. Thankfully, their witness was smart enough to cooperate and they took him to the Navy Yard. The drive back was more silent than the drive going and the tension was thick.
Kate wisely said nothing and once their witness was in interrogation with a Marine standing by, they headed back to the bullpen.
Abby was sitting at the desk McGee had been using when he helped with the case and she looked up and grinned when she saw them. "Hey, guys! Tony, you tongue any guys while you were out and about?" she teased, smirking at Kate as she did so.
Kate closed her eyes and wished the ground would swallow her up. She tried shaking her head at Abby, warning her to stop but it was too late.
"Just drop it!" Tony growled.
Abby snorted. "Oh, not a chance. This one is too good to drop, Tony."
Tony dropped his gun in his desk drawer and slammed it shut before stalking away from the bullpen. Kate watched him go.
"Abby, you shouldn't have said that," Kate said quietly.
Abby wheeled around to face Kate, her face full of surprise. "You have to be kidding me!"
Kate ran her hands down her face. This was only getting worse and she only had herself to blame.
"What?" Abby questioned, confusion clouded her normally happy demeanor.
Kate straightened. "We really screwed up."
"What do you mean?" Abby demanded impatiently.
"Tony's upset."
"Why should he be? He can take a joke." Abby said that with all the confidence of someone who knew her friend well.
Kate closed her eyes, the intensity of the shame she felt physically hurt. "He's upset because he was fooled and kissed his friend's murderer."
It took only a few seconds for the words to register and Abby's smile vanished. "Oh God," Abby murmured, her face now flushed with the same shame Kate felt.
"I tried to apologize, he told me it was too late for that." Kate added.
"He's right," Gibbs said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere, setting his coffee down. "I never want to hear another damn word about this. You got it?" Gibbs demanded. When no one answered, Gibbs slammed his hand on his desk, much like the way Tony had slammed the dashboard, making both women jump. "I said, got it?" His voice was dangerous.
"Got it, Gibbs," Kate answered immediately, sitting down.
"Yeah, Bossman," Abby added. "Loud and clear." There was no humor in her voice. She walked back toward the elevator and Kate saw her reach up to wipe a tear from her eye as she got on the elevator. She recognized the gesture because she had been doing it herself.
Tony returned to his desk a few minutes later and the three of them worked together silently. For once, Tony didn't talk incessantly. After all the times she wished he would shut up, now she'd give almost anything to hear him quote a movie or make an irreverent joke. She needed to fix this somehow. She needed Tony to know that she was taking this seriously, taking him seriously, that she was sorry for making him the butt of the joke in this case, that really, they had all been fooled considering how long it took them to figure out what was really going on. It wasn't like any of them saw that coming. Even Gibbs' famous gut had been silent on that one. Tony didn't deserve to beat himself up anymore than he already had. Yes, he had been stupid, but it wasn't like she hadn't screwed up at times too, and he hadn't laughed at her, she realized. He let her make mistakes and didn't hold it against her. Fresh tears burned her eyes but she quickly blinked them away. Now was not the time or place.
Later, Gibbs headed to the elevator, presumably for more coffee, and Kate saw a chance to try to smooth things over.
"Tony?" Kate said quietly.
"What?" Tony's voice was not cutting, but it wasn't exactly friendly either.
"I…feel bad about all this."
Tony looked up sharply, his eyes narrowing in anger all over again. Kate held up a hand beseeching in her manner. "Please, let me finish," she added hurriedly. "I didn't realize it at first, but I didn't really wrap my head around the fact that Voss and Reed were the same person, not really. Seeing what happened to Chris didn't seem to align with the ma-woman-person you kissed. I didn't see it as you kissing a murderer. It was only the guy dressed as a woman part."
Tony's eyes only narrowed more. "Thank you, Agent Todd. I feel so much better that your laughter was intended to highlight what a fool I am."
"Tony, that's not what I meant."
"Yeah, it is. You just thought me being fooled by a man dressed up as a woman was hysterical."
"No! All I meant was that he fooled all of us! We had no way to know!" Kate defended, almost hysterical in the face of Tony's accusatory gaze.
"Yeah, what an opportunity, huh?" The flat sarcasm was back in full force. "You saw a way to humiliate me because you think I'm an arrogant, chauvinist pig and that it was a great way to knock me down a peg or two. I get it."
Kate winced. "No, Tony! I didn't mean…"
"Sure you didn't," he said, his voice flat again. He bit his lip as he turned away and then stalked out, taking the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator.
Kate turned and watched him leave, and she looked up toward the ceiling as though praying for guidance. She just made a bad situation even worse and Gibbs was going to kill her.
She heard the ding of the elevator and cursed under her breath as she returned to her desk and sat down. Gibbs' pace slowed when he reached their section.
"Where's DiNozzo?" he demanded.
"He…left," Kate offered, her voice weak.
Gibbs studied her face before he shook his head and scowled. Suddenly, he was in her face looking angrier than she had ever seen him. "Did I or did I not tell you to drop it?!" Kate hated it when Gibbs' looked at her like that. She felt an inch tall. "Well?"
"You said to drop it."
"And you disobeyed a direct order!" He growled low and deep and Kate could smell the coffee on his breath. She swallowed hard.
He suddenly straightened, much to her relief. He grabbed his phone and made a call. "DiNozzo, where are you?!" He listened a moment. "Stay. I'll be right there." He flipped his phone closed and looked back over at Kate, disgust in his face and voice. "You've done enough damage for one day. When I get back with DiNozzo, you better be gone! Be back tomorrow 8 a.m." Gibbs stalked back out again, obviously intending to find Tony.
Kate didn't waste any time. Gibbs was right, she had done enough damage for one day and she was almost grateful to be sent home though she didn't doubt Gibbs would write her up for this. She shut down her computer, gathered her things and left as quickly as she could. She had gone way too far, and she hadn't even realized that she could go too far with Tony until now. Everything seemed to roll off his back so easily. It never occurred to her that there'd be something that wouldn't. Of course, they couldn't have predicted that whole case either.
Kate spent the rest of the day full of self-recrimination. She hardly slept that night, alternating between anger, tears and endless guilt. The case itself, the way she needled Tony all played in her head like watching a bad B movie on repeat. She almost smiled, figuring he'd have appreciated the reference if he wasn't so upset with her. She didn't answer the phone when Abby called, too ashamed to even commiserate over what she… they… had done. He wondered if Tony would forgive Abby. Probably. It wasn't like anyone could stay mad at Abby about anything, not even her. It was easy to see in hindsight what an insensitive jerk she'd been, the same thing she'd accused Tony of being more than once. She wasn't proud of that, she hated thinking she shared one of the flaws she'd accused DiNozzo of having. What was worse, she didn't know how to fix it. Maybe it was one of those things that couldn't be fixed. Maybe he'd stay mad at her over this, or worse, not trust her anymore. Not that she could blame him, but she really hoped it wouldn't be like that. The idea that he may not ever trust her again made more tears burn her eyes and she finally let the tears go and cried. If she was going to have any chance of fixing this, she couldn't break down in self-pity in front of him. That wouldn't earn his respect any more than mocking him had.