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Valentine’s Day can be intense, especially for someone like Jaehyun.
Whether it’s a curse, a blessing or simply just a coincidence that the day of romance and love falls on the same day as his birthday will always be a mystery to him.
While the last of his guests filter out of the apartment, Jaehyun throws a look into the living room. A wasted Taeyong leans against an even more wasted Yuta who, in turn, is propped up against the bookshelf, the piece of furniture the only thing holding the two men up. Jaehyun is pretty sure that, even if they wanted, they are in no condition to leave this house and get home alive, so it's probably better if they’ll stay the night. It’s not like they’d be able to object, anyway.
After he’s placed them on the couch with a bucket and lots of water, he watches in satisfaction as Taeyong yawns one last time before falling asleep instantly.
Now that this problem is settled, he gets back to his task at hand. Which is standing in the kitchen and contemplating whether he should just leave all the dirty dishes and empty bottles to clean up for tomorrow, fully aware he’s going to regret that choice in the morning. But he’s so tired. And drunk. And lazy. And it’s his birthday, so he really shouldn’t have to do anything, right?
Before he can somehow force his last functioning brain cell to catch up to him and do its work, a hand settles against his back, startling him. With all his senses subdued by the alcohol in his system, he didn’t even notice someone else entering the kitchen.
Turning around, Jaehyun half expects to face Yuta, because as far as he knows, he’s the only other person left in his apartment. Well, at least the only other person that is in a condition (less than mediocre but still) to actually walk and talk. So, he can’t mask his surprise at the sight of Doyoung.
He quickly catches himself though, and a smile steals itself on his face. “Hey, I thought you already left.”
“Without giving you your present?” Doyoung snorts. “You wish.”
Jaehyun’s smile widens at the words. To be honest, he had been waiting for Doyoung’s present for the whole evening and was kind of confused to get nothing from him up until now. He doesn’t want to sound too materialistic, but he’s always looking most forward to what Doyoung has prepared for him. Because he makes the best presents.
And also, because he always gifts him two things. One for his birthday. And one for Valentine’s Day.
It's nothing too serious, just a cute little running gag between the two of them ever since Jaehyun turned nineteen. So, Jaehyun is a little surprised when Doyoung presses only one package into his hands.
“Happy birthday, Jae,” Doyoung says, smiling at him, and Jaehyun beams back at him.
“That’s, like, the seventh time you told me today.” He opens the present.
It’s a Cigarettes after Sex vinyl. Jaehyun's heart flutters at the sight, and he’s not even thinking twice before flinging his arms around Doyoung’s neck. “Thank you.” His heart is doing tiny little leaps of happiness when Doyoung’s chuckles, his arms coming up to rest around his middle.
“You’re welcome.”
Like he said, Doyoung is unrivalled in his position as the most excellent gift giver.
And yet, Jaehyun still can’t ignore that twinge in his stomach, impertinently bugging him about the missing piece. And because he is just a little too tipsy to keep silent, to not be greedy and egoistic, the question slips out of his mouth while he’s still holding Doyoung.
“But where’s my Valentine’s gift?”
Doyoung tenses. “What?”
“You always get me something for Valentine’s Day.” While he says it, a pout forms on his lips. “Why not this year?”
His arms clasp tighter around his friend. He knows he‘s behaving like a child bugging their parent about a toy he really wanted but didn’t get for whatever reason. But in his current state, the disappointment overrides his manners.
Doyoung stays unmoving in his hold, frozen in place. But then, he places his hands on Jaehyun’s chest and pushes him back, not hard, but so sudden that Jaehyun, void of his usual strength, stumbles back a few steps.
Jaehyun blinks, thoroughly confused. Did he say something wrong? Obviously, it doesn’t make sense to him why Doyoung would break their tradition like that. And without any apparent reason. Nonetheless, it’s not like he was actually upset with his friend. As much as he likes getting presents, especially from Doyoung, he wouldn’t want to force him into it. That’s not what presents should be. They should come from the heart, right? Because it’s the gesture that counts.
His head jerks at the sound of the door lock. Doyoung is already halfway out of the apartment, one foot in the hallway, about to slip into his jacket. When did he bring so much distance between them? And why?
“Doyoung, wait.”
And Doyoung stills. His gaze meets Jaehyun’s, and there’s guilt in his eyes, and an ache Jaehyun cannot read, and more.
“I have to go.” Doyoung lowers his gaze. But before he can close the door, Jaehyun grabs onto the wood, preventing it from separating him and Doyoung.
“But …” Jaehyun is not even sure what he’s going to say. What is there to say. He doesn’t even know what’s going on, what got Doyoung into such a sudden change of behaviour in the first place. “Do you want to stay the night?”
Doyoung’s gaze shoots up again, and judging by that very clear shock in his eyes, that was the wrong thing to say. Jaehyun frowns. His brain is running on beer and vodka, and there’s no way he’ll figure out what’s going on with Doyoung tonight. But he can see that he’s in distress, and he doesn’t like it. And he definitely doesn’t want him to deal with it all on his own.
Doyoung takes a step back, away from Jaehyun. And somehow, it doesn’t feel like it’s just the physical distance spreading out between them.
“I can’t. I-“ His eyes jump around, nervous, avoiding Jaehyun at all costs. “I’ve got work tomorrow.” He turns around without another word, and before Jaehyun can call out to him, he’s down the stairs and out of the apartment.
♥*♡∞:｡.｡ ｡.｡:∞♡*♥
The next day, Jaehyun forces Taeyong to get up early and grab a coffee with him. Because if anyone knows what’s up with Doyoung, it’s Taeyong. (And, also, Jaehyun would like some free coffee.)
Even though it’s early in the year, the sun glares down from a cloudless sky, creating an unusual warmth for a February morning. They sit outside the café, Jaehyun with his arms propped up on the table, his eyes on Taeyong. It’s either the other man really knows that something is wrong with Doyoung and, therefore, is pissed at Jaehyun.
That, or he’s just really hangover.
Either way, Taeyong’s head hangs low, bangs almost dipping into his cup, probably hoping that inhaling the smell of roasted coffee beans alone is enough to bring him back to life.
“So, you think something’s wrong with Doie?” Taeyong takes a sip of his drink.
Jaehyun nods, his finger mindlessly tracing the rim of his own cup. “Yeah, he was acting weird yesterday.”
“Weird how, exactly?”
Jaehuyn’s head tilts to the side as he recalls the events of the evening. His mouth morphs into a frown. “When I asked him to stay over, he left. Told me he had work to do today.”
An uneasy feeling grows inside him, tying his stomach into little knots. He knows for a fact that Doyoung took this week off, because Doyoung told him exactly that some days ago. Tipsy Jaehyun of yesterday did not have this piece of information on his radar, but sober Jaehyun of today is even more confused now. Why would Doyoung like to him like that? And on his birthday, of all days.
Jaehyun swallows down the thickness in his throat. Even though he’s a little hurt by his friend’s actions, he shouldn’t be that upset, right?
“He also didn’t-“
One of Taeyong’s eyebrows shoot up. “He didn’t?”
He didn’t give me a Valentine’s gift.
Saying that would sound a little weird, wouldn’t it? And materialistic. It’s not as if Doyoung didn’t get him a regular birthday present, shouldn’t that be more than enough? Isn’t it strange in the first place to expect a Valentine’s Day present from your best friend?
And yet here he is, getting sulky over the fact that he didn’t get one.
Maybe it’s because some of the best gifts he ever got were Doyoung’s Valentine’s gifts. The cheesy, but very cute friendship bracelet with the little peach charm. The self-made cookies and chocolates, shaped like hearts and stars. The photo album, full of pictures from their childhood until now that maybe made Jaehyun cry a little.
“Hello, earth to Jaehyun?”
Jaehyun startles, almost knocking over his coffee. Taeyong’s eyebrows pull together, creating a crease on his forehead. “What did he do?”
Jaehyun’s teeth dig into his lip, and he can feel his cheeks heating up. “He didn’t get me a Valentine’s gift this year.”
Taeyong blinks. One time. Two times. Looks down at his drink, then up again, with the most blank stare Jaehyun has ever seen on him. “What.”
The blush on Jaehyun's face intensifies, so he lifts his cup to hide behind it. The worry in Taeyong's expression has made way for an ominous scowl, and Jaehyun is the slightest bit intimidated.
“He usually gets me a present for my birthday and one for Valentine’s Day every year. It was mostly just a running gag, I guess, but it was always the most fun part about my birthday.” Jaehyun shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee. “And it was also really cute. But don’t tell him I said that.”
Taeyong is still staring at him, with a motionless expression, and now it’s Jaehyun who’s getting a little worried about his friend. He doesn’t really see which of his words could have broken the other man-
“A running gag? Really?” Taeyong puts his cup to his lips and chugs the remaining coffee down like he did with the beer yesterday. And by the disappointed look afterwards, he probably wishes it was alcohol. He grabs Jaehyun’s cup out of his hands. “I’m too hangover for this, oh my God.”
Jaehyun doesn’t react immediately, a little too perplexed by Taeyong’s action. He’s barely seen his friend this … exasperated before? Taeyong’s usually one of the most patient people he knows and doesn’t lose his cool like this.
He finishes Jaehuyn’s coffee, wincing at the bitter taste, and wow, Jaehyun must have really fucked up somewhere if Taeyong downs a barely touched cup of black coffee in one go.
“What’s going on?” Jaehyun dares to ask, and immediately regrets it as Taeyong metaphorically stabs him with his gaze.
“You really thought Doie bought you gifts for Valentine’s Day every year as a joke? Jae, what the fuck, I thought you were smarter than that.”
His tone is not angry, thank God. But the irritation in his voice reminds Jaehyun of his seventh grade science teacher scolding him for almost burning down the table in chemistry. And that’s almost worse. Because Jaehyun didn’t scorch any tables, he didn’t do anything wrong, so why is Taeyong attacking him like this?
“Well, what else should it be if not a joke?”
At that, Taeyong lets out a desperate chuckle. He hides his face in his hands, and at this point Jaehyung starts to worry a little bit about the sanity of his friends. First, it’s Doyoung acting all weird at his party and breaking their tradition, and now Taeyong is going crazy.
“Jae,” Taeyong almost whines, “Why do people usually buy each other Valentine’s gifts?”
Jaehyun frowns. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Just answer the damn question." Taeyong looks just a little closer too murder - or arson, at least -, so Jaehyun frowns, but complies.
“Well, since it’s a day for couples, I guess it’s a sign of lo-“
And that’s when something clicks in his brain.
“No.”
Taeyong sighs. “Yes.”
Jaehyun sees his life flash before his eyes. He never had a realization hit him so hard that it feels like dying, but hey, there’s a first time for everything. And realizing that one of his best friends is in love with him may be enough to trigger that effect.
“No, no that’s-“ He’s searching for his words, trying frantically to think of something he can say. But what even is there to say? What is he supposed to say to that? “I … But I always thought it was just a joke.”
Taeyong’s grip around the cup tightens, almost crushing the paper, and Jaehyun fears that he’ll throw it towards him if he says anything else controversial.
“Who buys expensive jewellery as a joke, Jae?”
Jaehyun swallows as he tries to come up with a reasonable response to that. Only that there is none. He casts his eyes to the ground, Taeyong’s very legitimate question sounding like an accusation in his mind.
He really did take that for granted. Never questioned why Doyoung did what he did.
God, he really is stupid.
He doesn’t dare to look up, too afraid to meet the disappointment in Taeyong’s eyes. “Did you know about it? That it wasn’t just … platonic?”
A sigh. “Yeah, I did.”
Jaehyun slowly raises his gaze again. Taeyong is still squishing the paper cup in his hand, but now he looks calmer than before. Like he’s deeply absorbed in his own thoughts.
“And do you- I mean, when did he start feeling like that?”
“Well, when did he first get you a Valentine’s gift?”
The first time Doyoung got him not only a present for his birthday, but also something for Valentine’s Day, was on his nineteenth birthday. Doyoung gave him a pair of sneakers he had been ogling for a while now, which was of course very nice. But the real surprise came later that night, when Doyoung entered his room again, quickly pressing a small package into his hands, muttering, “Happy Valentine’s Day,” under his breath, and disappeared.
It was a scented candle, smelling like roses and lilies, with a pink tag saying Be my Valentine.
In hindsight, Jaehyun doesn’t remember why he just texted Doyoung three laughing tears emojis instead of taking the very, very obvious hint. It has been so crystal clear. Right in front of his eyes. And he didn’t see it.
It was the first time Doyoung got him a Valentine’s Day present. On his nineteenth birthday. Five years ago.
Jaehyun’s head meets the table with an audible thump. He’s so fucking stupid.
“I’m so fucking stupid.”
A hand pats his hair. “Yes, you are,” Taeyong responds, comforting as ever. Jaehyun can’t even blame him because it’s nothing but the truth.
“What do I do now, oh my God.” Jaehyun’s voice is muted as his head still rests on the table, but the little crack is still clearly audible. He lifts his head again, a desperate look in his eyes. “Is there even anything I can do now? He didn’t get me anything this year, doesn’t that mean-“
Taeyong lifts his hand, and Jaehyun stops. He props his arms up on the table, leans forward and catches Jaehyun’s gaze. “Jae. Take a deep breath, yeah?”
Jaehyun does.
“All that it means is that Doie is a little heartbroken right now because-“
He pauses, looking a little like he regrets even starting that sentence. Then, he sighs. “Because he’s been trying to get with you for the past five years without success. That can be kind of gut-wrenching.”
Jaehyun winces at the words. If he didn’t already feel like crying before, he definitely does now. Hurting Doyoung is the last thing he’d ever want. But here he is, the main reason for his friend’s pain and misery. And for the last five years, for God’s sake. He’s such an asshole.
His fingers twist in his lap. “What do I do now?” His voice comes out as a feeble squawk, but since he can’t possibly feel anymore pathetic than he already does, he can’t bring himself to care.
“Well, what do you want to do?”
Jaehyun blinks a few times, processing the question. Then he looks up. “Huh?”
Taeyong sighs, once again looking very done with this whole situation. “Do you feel the same? Do you like Doyoung like that? Or is he just a friend to you?”
Jaehyun closes his eyes. If only he knew.
The possibility of being in love with a close friend. That the affection he’s feeling is not just platonic. That what he’s longing for is more than innocent hand-holding and short-lived hugs.
“I don’t know, I never thought about it.” Because why would he, right?
Taeyong grabs the paper cup again, squelching it between his fingers, possibly imagining it’s someone’s (Jaehyun’s) head. His face stays calm, though, there’s even a little smile appearing on his lips. It’s a bit unsettling, but Jaehyun will take it. It’s not like he has a choice here.
“Okay. Listen. Here’s what you’ll do.” Taeyong’s tone sounds light, almost elated, like an elementary school teacher that’s explaining a really easy concept to a confused child. And since Jaehyun feels like that’s exactly where his brain capacity’s at, he pricks up his ears.
“I’ll buy you another coffee, and then, you’ll go home and think about this, about Doie, and how you feel about him, how you feel about this whole situation, for a few days. And then, after you’ve made up your mind, you’ll go and talk with him, and you either tell him that you love him, too, or that he doesn’t have to bother trying any further.”
Jaehyun winces. The explanation sounds reasonable enough. But especially that last part makes everything in his body recoil. “Won’t that break his heart, though?” That’s the last thing he wants, he knows that much without thinking about it.
An almost bitter smile appears on Taeyong’s face. “Jae, no offence, but you’ve been butchering his heart for the past five years. I’m sure a little rejection won’t make all the difference.”
So, as Taeyong said, he buys Jaehyun another coffee. And then, Jaehyun goes home and thinks.
♥*♡∞:｡.｡ ｡.｡:∞♡*♥
It’s the first week of March when Jaehyun goes and buys a bouquet of roses, a heart shaped box to store his self-baked cookies in, and rings Doyoung’s doorbell. His heart is beating like crazy while he waits, even though he went through his well-planned speech at least two dozen times. He’s a little disappointed in himself on taking almost a month to figure out his own feelings, warding off almost all contact Doyoung tried to seek. It’s the biggest asshole move, but he needed that time to himself and away from Doyoung to finally realize what the other man actually means to him.
His hands become sweatier with every second the door in front of him stays closed, but just before he can ring a second time, the lock clicks. A second later, he’s face to face with Doyoung.
He looks tired. Which may have something to do with the fact that it’s 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Jaehyun feels a little bad about it, but he’s just really dead set on straightening things out between them, okay? This has already taken long enough.
The frown on Doyoung’s face vanishes, and his eyes go big in surprise as soon as he realizes who exactly is standing at his doorstep. His eyes flicker to the flowers in Jaehyun’s hands, but he schools his expression back into neutrality so fast that Jaehyun can’t read it.
“Hey,” Jaehyun says, “Can we talk?”
A few seconds of silence follow, before Doyoung sighs and ranks his hand through his hair, ruffling the black strands even more. “Sure.”
He opens the door wider and steps aside to let Jaehyun in. But Jaehyun doesn’t enter, no, he’s got no time for that. He’ll say what he has to say, right here, right now.
“You know, I’ve always thought your Valentine’s gifts were just meant for fun, like an inside joke between us, so I was really disappointed when you didn’t get me one this year. But I’ve had some people talk some sense into me and come to the realization that I’ve been indeed very dense and very stupid, and very insensitive.”
He takes a deep breath, and Doyoung – who looks like he’s really struggling to keep a straight face – uses this moment of silence. “Yeah, you really are.”
The corner of his mouth twitches upwards, and Jaehyun has to bite his lips to not slip into a smile himself. He’s not done yet.
“I want to apologize for hurting you, and also for taking so long to get my head out of my ass.”
This time, Doyoung doesn’t manage to supress his grin. Jaehyun feels his ears getting warmer.
“So, Doyoung,” Jaehyun throws one meaningful look at the flowers in his hands before he locks eyes with his friend again. “Will you be my Valentine?”
Doyoung stays silent for a few breaths after that, the faint blush on his cheeks even prettier than the barely concealed smile. “Jae. It’s March.”
Nonetheless, he takes the roses Jaehyun holds out to him. Jaehyun moves forward, crossing the threshold and stops right in front of Doyoung, the only thing between them the bouquet.
“Let me rephrase, then.” He takes Doyoung’s hand – the one that’s holding the flowers – squeezing slightly, before he steals the bouquet out of his grip and puts it down on the cabinet next to them. “Will you be my boyfriend, Doie?”
The blush in Doyoung’s cheeks increases. His eyelashes flutter as he slips one arm around Jaehyun’s neck, pulling him closer, just a little bit.
“Wow, and that really took you five years, I can’t believe I feel for you, of all people.”
Jaehyun smiles and closes his eyes as he lets Doyoung pull him in, finally melting into the feeling of the other’s lips against his own.