Chapter Text
While frustratedly stomping off the wealth of snow that had accumulated on his new Chelsea boots, Levi realized he had been too hasty in throwing away the doormat that used to lay in front of his apartment. He had foolishly discarded of it after over three months of muddy slush and residue from the city streets turned his spotless doormat into a splotchy, brown mess. Once again, he was struck with the realization that winters here weren’t really over until the middle of March.
Grumbling to himself about needing leather protectant, he trudged over to his neighbor’s colorful doormat that boldly proclaimed 'HOLD ON. I’M PROBABLY NOT WEARING PANTS' in a garish font. Levi took a quick glance around the hallway and thoroughly wiped his shoes clean on their mat. It’s not like Hange would be home yet anyways – they regularly stayed at the lab until far past eight o’clock.
Suffice it say, it was a bit of a surprise when Levi found Hange sitting in his living room, scarfing down a slice of pizza.
“Oh, Levi!” Hange exclaimed inaudibly through a mouthful of dough and cheese. They gulped, and rose to greet Levi, who was shedding his coat and keys by the door.
“I let myself in. I left work early today because I heard the pizzeria down the block started making their heart-shaped pizzas for Valentine's Day this week, and they only make a limited amount in the days before Valentine's Day, y’know.”
Levi blinked.
“Hi Hange.”
As he drifted to the couch and dropped down with a sigh, his neighbor followed, excitedly babbling about Valentine's Day. Levi was getting rather good at tuning them out just a little bit, especially after a long day of work. Especially when Hange started talking about Valentine’s Day and romance and roses and chocolates and love letters and dates.
A date – something Levi hadn’t gone on in an embarrassingly long time. He already didn’t like talking about that fact, much less with the world’s biggest romantic. For all their fixation on very serious biotechnology or chemistry or whatever it was Hange would obsess over at work, they really were a big sap for love. Love songs, rom-coms, people in love, the whole nine yards.
Usually Levi just hummed in agreement until they finally moved on from the subject.
“Hellooo?” Hange snapped their fingers in Levi’s face. He grimaced and pushed their greasy, saucy hands from his face and looked at them.
“I said, Valentine’s Day is in a week. What are you doing? You’re too hot to not be doing anything.”
Levi groaned inwardly and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the stubble of his freshly shaved undercut.
“You can tell me. Please. I know you can pull some serious hotties. Of any gender.”
Levi smirked at Hange, hoping that was enough to mask how embarrassed he was starting to feel. He didn’t want to have the whole conversation about how he should put himself out there more, and how he was “totally shredded” and if his lack of partners was “at all about his height" which "doesn’t seem like something he’d be insecure about”.
He toyed with the sleeve of his charcoal turtleneck before hurriedly saying: “I’mgoingwithsomeonefromwork.”
Hange’s eyebrow raised over the rim of their glasses, and Levi wanted to slap his palm to his forehead. He always talked too fucking quick when he lied on the spot, particularly about stuff like this.
“Oh? Tell me about this mystery suitor!”
Alright. Levi couldn’t lie on the spot about a fake coworker. Hange would see right through his bullshit, and it would lead to an even more uncomfortable conversation about why Levi felt the need to be dishonest about this.
Seemingly by the grace of a guardian angel, Levi’s phone buzzed with a notification.
“Uh… one sec, I’m expecting an e-mail from work.”
He ripped his phone from his slacks, not intending to fully read the notification on the screen. It was probably an UberEats notification, or a link to a stupid video from Isabel.
To his surprise, it genuinely was an e-mail about work. The new consultant, Erwin, that had just started at the firm sent over some forms Levi needed to look over.
Perfect. He was only there temporarily, a few months at most, so Levi wouldn’t have to run the risk of being constantly asked about him going forward. And the guy was actually pretty fucking hot. Like, built like a linebacker with the face of a model that dresses really well. And he was pretty nice. Not that nice and Levi went together well, but whatever. Perfect fake date material.
He turned his phone off and stuffed it back into his pocket.
“Yeah, he’s just temporarily working with us. Blonde, blue eyes, pretty beefy. I’m not sure what we’re going to do exactly,” he said draping an arm onto the couch and turning to Hange, “But something fun for sure.”
Hange leaned forward expectantly, gesturing with their hands for Levi to say more.
“I don’t know that much about him! He’s new. But he seems really nice.” He leaned forward to grab a slice of pizza from the coffee table, satisfied with his lie. In actuality, Levi was probably going to be at the studio until dinnertime, grab a double bottle of wine and some Thai food, and watch something gritty on HBO.
“C’mon. I need to know more. You never talk about this stuff! What’s his name? What does he do?”
Yeah, because there’s nothing to talk about. Levi took a bite of a corner of the pizza heart.
“Oh. Um. He’s consulting for a little. His name is Erwin, I think.”
Hange’s eyes widened.
“It’s Erwin! I know his name. Don’t worry.” He said, holding out a hand to placate them.
“No, that’s not it. I totally think I know this guy. Erwin Smith? He does management consulting for us. I complemented his ring in the elevator last week and we’ve been talking since. He is a total catch. I mean if it wasn’t for Moblit… You know.”
Levi almost choked on his pizza.
That was no guardian angel who sent that goddamn email. It must have been a fucking demon.