Chapter Text
George sometimes liked to sit on the fire escape. It was colder, and smelt of cigarettes over time because of their upstairs neighbour. They’d share a cigarette once or twice, but George was never overly fond of the taste or the way the smell clung to his clothes. But the company was nice.
He’d only sit there when he wanted to jump though. It’s like playing Russian Roulette with his own temptation, but he hadn’t quite bit the bullet yet. He’d come close, mind you. But something always intervened. Whether Sapnap had set the kitchen on fire or Dream wanted to show him “real football”, he never got the chance to convince himself.
Moving to Florida was fucking stupid, by the way. His friends are great but honestly George would love the peace and quiet of his house in England. He’d have no need to shove blankets under his bedroom door when he wanted to climb onto the fire escape, because the door doesn’t have a lock and he doesn’t want to be disturbed. He probably wouldn’t have been through this prolonged torment of feeling this way if he wasn’t sharing a flat with Dream and Sapnap, who he still barely manages to call by name, as he would’ve jumped by now.
Sometimes, like now for example, when he sits on the fire escape he sits on the railing. Tempting fate. It feels melodramatic and he wonders if he does this for the attention, that he doesn’t even get. He wonders if he was a crybaby who is too pussy to jump and he considers proving himself wrong.
He doesn’t though, he swings his legs back over the side and enters his bedroom again, shutting the window behind him and closing the curtain for good measure. No more temptation for another night.
It wasn’t even late at night, the clock barely striking six. He knew he had to eat soon, and the task of feeding the three of them fell on his shoulders, as Saturday was his day to cook. Reluctantly, George headed to his bedroom door to remove the frantic blankets shoved under it, feeling childish as he does so.
Upon opening the door, he felt something soft brush against his leg. A soft meow reaches his ears and George smiles softly as he leans down to Patches’ level. Seeing her always made his worries go away, just for a moment. “Hi sweetheart,” he coos, stroking a hand down the cats fur.
“Why don’t you ever talk to us like that?!” A voice called from the kitchen. George playfully cringed, faking a disgusted face.
“You haven’t earned sweetheart privileges, Dream” George called back as he stood up, heading towards the kitchen with Patches trailing behind him. “Besides, that’s reserved for Patches only. And Sapnap.”
“Sapnap?!” Dream cried, turning around to face George with his hand over his heart. “Feeling betrayed.”
As if on cue, Sapnap practically skipped towards the kitchen from his bedroom, a grin spread across his face. “George honey, when’s dinner?“ he questioned, rubbing his hands together and practically licking his lips.
At this introduction, George nearly collapsed with laughter, wheezing his lungs up as Sapnap stood confused, yet still smiling, and Dream stood eyes wide staring between the two of them.
The laughter ceased to die, George practically choking for air. Turning to Sapnap, giddy, he barely mustered out the word “sweetheart” again before continuing to laugh.
“This is the worst day of my life. Betrayed and I’m cooking on a Saturday.” Dream turned back to the oven, and George managed to catch his breath.
“What? Why are you cooking? How long have you been cooking? What?” Confused, George approached Dream at the oven, seeing a pot of pasta on the stove. “Man, I was just coming to cook. What’s that about?”
“I didn’t mind, hadn’t seen much of you today and figured you’d want a lazy day, I was getting hungry anyway. I do hope this means Sapnap calls me honey now though.” Turning towards Sapnap, Dream winked playfully as a grin spread across his face.
George however, less pleased, felt guilt settle in his gut at the realisation that Dream had taken his job for him, while he was busy sulking on the fire escape. Just another reason he should’ve let go, always letting them down.
“I can finish it, I’m sorry man.” George replied, trying to take the pot from Dreams hand, the latter not moving an inch. “Please?”
“It’s fine dude, go get ready for your stream. Food will be ready in like 15 minutes so you have time to set up before you eat. You can just cook tomorrow instead.” Dream reassured, pushing George back in the direction of his bedroom.
George, less enthusiastic as he was when he’d entered, left the kitchen and headed back towards his room.
Pressing the on button of his computer, instead of taking his seat he strolled back towards the closed curtains facing his fire escape and pulled them open. He wasn’t going to open the window, but maybe he deserved to go through the consideration more later tonight.
Not overly confidently, he turned back towards his PC and sat down, opening streamlabs. He usually wouldn’t stream on days he felt like this, but it would hopefully be a good excuse to leave dinner early, as the anxiety would eat him alive knowing he should have been the one making the meal.
After finishing his setup, he pulled a pillow from his floor up on to his lap, and sat with his legs up to his chest, chin resting on his knees. Staring blankly at the webcam he realised how dark the bags under his eyes are, endless nights on the fire escape taunting him.
It’s stupid, really. He understands that he’s lucky, he’s got things millions can only dream of, and yet all he wants is quiet. George doesn’t really remember when he last had quiet, except for nights in a bathroom he barely remembers other than the feeling of peace after seeing red. That was a while ago now, and the repercussions of that quiet never felt worth the break. But sometimes it takes a lot to not search for that quiet again.
As his fingers mindlessly trail the raised lines on his thighs through his tracksuit, George’s body involuntarily shuddered. He despises them, desperately wishes they weren’t there but also how is he supposed to hate something that is the only way he knows to escape the pain in his mind for just a moment. That moment can save him from a final night on the fire escape but it also typically caused him so many more nights there instead.
Quickly getting up, George begins to walk back to his window, undoing the bolts that hold it shut, opening it wide and securing it as such. “Just a moment. I have the time.” he mumbles under his breath, reassuring himself it’s not a bad idea.
He does want to jump this time but he won’t. This time he will consider it, as always, but he knows this time isn’t the right time. But as he leant to pull himself up through the window, the sound of his door opening cuts him off.
“George?” Sapnaps voice speaks from the door way as George slips back into his bedroom awkwardly. “Whatcha doing man?”
The inside of George’s cheek is harshly bitten into, as the stupidity of thinking he could go one time without the blanket for just One minute on the balcony sinks in. What are the chances, the one time they try open the door when he’s out here the door isn’t blocked.
“You know, shutting the window. Don’t want the stream sounds to be messed up from the street.” George chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
Sapnap stated for a moment, quizically, before speaking. “Fair enough dude. Dinners ready, don’t want to miss the food Dream slaved over to make us. C’mon.” He beckoned George towards him, reaching out a hand. A gesture that felt weirdly personal and unnecessary given the situation that they were in.
Finally shutting the window, and the curtains with it, George stared at the hand presented before him. “I can walk myself?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow at Sapnap.
“Oh, of course! I just wanted to make Dream jealous again!” Sapnap laughed, a smile spreading across his face that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Pushing his hand forward again, Sapnap suggested George took it again, to which he did, with a laugh.
The concern still sat in George’s stomach though. There’s nothing wrong with going onto the fire escape on its own anyway, and it’s not like Sapnap had any reason not to believe him. But still, the way Sapnap questioned him made George feel so guilty, and he wondered if Sapnap knew more than he suggested.
Still, despite all this, George and Sapnap held hands and skipped out of the bedroom to taunt Dream once more.