Work Text:
He was afraid. The menace from within himself whispered memories that he was rather eager to forego.
Who are you?
He had been Akashi Seijuuro all along. The little things that seemed different were a needed change of pace. The way he addressed the world was different so the way he addressed himself and others was different too. There was no place for uncertainty. The supremacy of those who win.
He had said “I miss you” while holding back the fear lingering on his skin.
Who are you?
“You’re a fine young man, Sei-chan,” said Mibuchi before graduating.
That was a pretty good answer, but didn’t help to raid away the fear.
“Reo-nee, I’m a fine young man too, right?” said Hayama.
Mibuchi sighed and that was a pretty good answer too.
“Reo-senpai, what about me?” Meddled in a first year that had the fortune and ability to become a regular but not to get called relevant as a first name.
The new team was already practicing in in the place of the third years that retired from the club. More people to miss.
“I can’t believe I’d have to see you guys in college too,” Mibuchi sighed then again, as if his life goal was to chase away all the happiness from the world “You could have applied for another college, you know?”
“C’mon, you were going to miss us if we did so. How could we leave you alone?”
He wasn’t sure what to do by then, but he had a pretty good idea about it.
When spring came again, the winter lingered in the cold air and the merciful rain that polished the cherry blossoms.
He wanted to see him and it was about time he did so.
“Akashi-kun, what are you doing here?” They were third years now, the uniform hung on broad shoulders and hard edges.
“Good morning, Kuroko; you still have the habit of asking the obvious.
They kissed on the summer of their second year; the day before of the match against a foreign team of oafs and the love wasn’t enough to keep them together.
He was afraid.
The antics of his own self kept lingering in the air with the question he feared the most.
He was the dearest one. The one to bring a light so bright to chase away all the darkness that hid the good points he had at his favor.
“I missed you,” he said in all honestly.
He was gaining a whole lot of persons to hold dearly and he needed to balance it out somehow.
Tokyo was a world away from Rakuzan, but he wanted to say it.
Kuroko stared at him nonchalantly and then sighed, as if he wanted to chase away the sudden happiness he felt.
“We just met at the winter cup.”
Yes, they did, but not like that. It was nice, but no what he wanted. Sharing was an occurrence he wasn’t opposed to, but he needed something else in return.
He wanted, oh so badly, Kuroko Tetsuya.
“Indeed,” he said and it sounded like a warning.
On his second year of high school, they won the interhigh and lost at the winter cup because Seirin bloomed when the northern hemisphere of the planet is oriented away from the sun.
He was avoiding the matter at hand.
“I see.”
The fear rung louder in his core.
Who are you?
When they were in middle school, the darkest bits of him surfaced and the world he saw changed its colors. He saw it differently, he addressed it differently, but Kuroko didn’t notice this.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“Of course, I’m Akashi Seijuuro.”
No one ever believed that.
He was idealized and that was the kind of love that the spring’s rain washed away.
Akashi-kun can’t be this way, so he can’t be Akashi-kun.
He was so afraid, but he sighed in hopes to chase it away.
The silence hovered over them like the heavy rain clouds that hid the sun.
“I missed you, too,” Kuroko said at last “Yet, I didn’t take a train to Kyoto because of that”
He liked a lot of thing of him, he loved a lot more, but there where things that frightened him the most and he couldn’t bring himself not to hate them.
“Maybe it’s not the same kind of my miss”
“Maybe it is not”
Echo. It was like a foul word and stung deeply. It really sounded awful.
“What kind of miss makes one travel the distance from Kyoto to Tokyo and what kind is the one that makes you stay here?”
“The kind that’s stupid enough to think it’s a good idea and the one that’s stupid enough to think it’s a bad idea”
“Well that was quite harsh, isn’t it?” he smiled. He wasn’t relived, not yet. Over the years he became wary of baseless hope.
Kuroko sighed again.
“Have you finished with today’s club activities?”
“I am free if that’s what you’re asking”
He had different ways to see the world, but they transparent to each other. No mind reading nor magic tricks, just raw trust and mild acceptance.
He walked him home, just like their last summer. They didn’t hold hands.
“Do you love me still?” Kuroko asked once again.
Akashi stopped on his tracks. He wanted to say yes.
“What if I said no?” he said instead.
Kuroko stared at him unamused.
“I would said you still don’t know how to joke”
“You think I’m joking?”
“You are”
He was afraid and fear was just a step before hate.
“I’m not joking” he lied.
“Then why are you here?”
“According to you, because we’re both stupid”
Kuroko laughed.
“Indeed”
They stood there in silence, one in from of the other. Words were heavier on the inside so he let them out.
“I love you, Tetsuya,” and this time the first name basis calling wasn’t out of disrespect or a show of superiority. It was trust. The first signal of surrender.
“I love you too, but that’s always been that way”
Love by itself wasn’t enough to hold them together.
“So we do love each other, right?” he said.
Kuroko took his time before replying.
“I think so. I do love you and I believe in you when you say you love me.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
He never asked the right thing because he was full of answers and Kuroko never replied but that was fine. He’d waiting for so long now; he could wait for as long as it took.
The important part was, and is even now, that they made up for what love couldn’t.
The held hands on the way home, they shared awkward farewells and equally awkward kisses.
The important part was that they’ve learnt the lesson.
He was the dearest one, the most needed and the most awaited. He was his first love and last love. He wasn’t a light but he waited in the darkest places to show people the way back to the light.
The fear lingered on his skin but the question never came back. The nightmarish mirror was broken and the enemy’s tag was taken away from his plate.
His place was cold; the chilly summer of his third year of high school he convinced himself it wasn’t Teikou over again.
The question never came back, but in the case he came, he was ready to accept it.
“Who are you?”
When he lost his cellphone and sent a mail to his dearest, beloved one and got his reply, he was quite sure it wasn’t just him who was bad at joking.
He knew it all along. The fear, as the rain clouds hovering upon them, dissipated and sun was ready to make up for what they couldn’t.
Just in case.