Chapter Text
When Sakusa woke up the first thing he noticed was that he was uncomfortable. His eyelids felt heavy and his senses were smothered by the smell of what was clearly a hospital. The bitter smell of antiseptic and undertones of soaps and cleaners put him on edge, so he concentrated on cracking his eyes open to better grasp his surroundings. As his sight came into focus, so did his hearing. He could hear the beeping of his heart monitor and then the sound of two people talking. He shifted, catching their attention and finally got a good look at the people who were in the room with him.
“Hey, Kiyoomi,” his cousin Komori Motoya greeted gently, a look of relief on his face. His voice caught when he spoke next. “It’s about time you woke up.”
Motoya was sitting next to a girl who looked vaguely familiar, though he couldn’t place her.
Sakusa tried to speak, but his throat was hoarse and dry.
“Hey, easy,” Motoya said and the girl quickly reached for a cup of water for Sakusa. Her hands were shaking when she tried to hand him the cup. Sakusa’s movements were slow as he reached for the cup, his arms feeling heavy and sore, so Motoya took the cup from the girl and put in a straw and held it to Sakusa’s lips so that he could sip easily. “They just removed the tube in your throat, so you’ll be a little sore.”
Sakusa tried not to gulp down the water but once his throat was feeling better he leaned his head back and tried to speak again.
His voice was still hoarse, but he managed to ask, “What happened?”
He watched as Motoya and the girl exchanged nervous looks before Motoya answered. “You were in an accident,” he said, still gently and patiently. “With your team on the way back from a game. Several of you were injured but you’re the only one who was knocked out for this long.”
While Motoya talked Sakusa was alternating glances at him and the girl next to him. She looked so familiar, and the more he watched her mannerisms and took note of the similarities between her and Motoya, the more familiar she seemed. Sakusa processed what Motoya said and then something in his brain clicked.
“Wait,” Sakusa said. His heart beat monitor started beeping a little faster. “What do you mean? How long?”
“You’ve been unconscious for nine months, Omi,” the girl said, biting her lip and looking like she was going to cry. Sakusa recognized the pouting expression, but the features on her face did not make sense to him.
Before he could stop himself he asked her, “Who are you?”
Motoya and the girl looked at each other, both of them concerned.
“It’s Lilly,” Motoya said, successfully keeping his voice steady despite the panic on his face. “It’s my little sister Lilly, you don’t remember her?”
“Lilly?” Sakusa asked, taking a good look at his little cousin again. There was no mistaking it, this was Lilly, but her face had changed, everything about her had changed! “Aren’t you supposed to be like, sixteen? When did you get your braces off?”
This didn’t make sense to him. Had his little cousin really changed so much in nine months?
Motoya and Lilly looked at each other with matching terrified expressions.
“I’ll go get a nurse,” Motoya said, quickly getting up and exiting the room.
“Omi,” Lilly said, her voice shaking. She reached out for him and squeezed his hand. “Omi, I’m going to be twenty soon.”
He heard the last part of her sentence as if it echoed all around the room. Suddenly, Sakusa’s chest felt tight and he couldn’t hear anything except the incessant beeping of his heart monitor. He was having a panic attack and he couldn’t stall his breathing while his thoughts whirled without pause.
He was in an accident. He was knocked out for nine months. His sixteen year old cousin was almost twenty years old…He was in an accident. He was unconscious for nine months. Lilly was almost twenty…he was missing a huge chunk of his memories!
After what felt like an eternity Sakusa’s thoughts finally slowed until he was back in the present. There were two nurses in the room along with Motoya and Lilly. Lilly was in one corner of the room, talking hastily into a cellphone and Motoya was watching anxiously as the nurses used soothing voices to calm Sakusa down. The nurses must have given him something because he became sleepy, and finally fell asleep to the concerned voices of Motoya and Lilly.
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When Sakusa woke up next he was aware of the situation he was in. He had been in an accident on his way home from a game with his team. He had been unconscious for nine months, and his little sixteen year old cousin was turning twenty.
Some pieces still didn’t add up.
He jolted, as if startled, and Motoya quickly scooted closer.
“Kiyoomi, you okay?” he asked quietly.
Sakusa took a deep breath and looked at him and nodded. “Motoya,” he said, his voice still hoarse. “How long have I been out?”
“Nine months—” Motoya started to answer but Sakusa shook his head and Motoya stopped talking.
“No, I mean now, this recent…episode…” Just thinking about it had Sakusa’s heart rate spiking again and the monitor started to beep a little faster and he took more deep breaths to calm down. He closed his eyes to try to relax and opened them again when Motoya spoke.
“Just a little under an hour,” he answered, not taking his eyes off the heart rate monitor. “Lilly is out in the hall making calls.”
“It doesn’t make sense,” Sakusa said, really hoping that his cousin would have the answers he didn’t. “If I’ve only been unconscious for nine months, why is Lilly almost twenty?”
Motoya looked concerned, but he answered honestly. “I don’t know,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “A doctor will be coming in soon to give you an exam. You obviously have memory loss, but we don’t know the extent of it.”
Sakusa didn’t say anything but he had known as much. Still feeling like he was missing vital information and wanting as many answers as possible, he spoke again.
“Who is Lilly calling?” Sakusa asked, assuming she would be calling his parents and his siblings.
“Your siblings and your team,” Motoya said. “Atsumu has been blowing up our phones the minute we told him you regained consciousness.”
That last sentence made no sense to Sakusa and he looked at Motoya, hoping that his expression would somehow make it all make sense.
“Miya Atsumu—” Sakusa tried to clarify but was interrupted when Lilly walked back into the room in a rush.
“Omi, you’re awake again good,” she said and occupied her previous seat by his bed. “Do you remember me now?”
She was pouting again and Sakusa couldn’t believe he didn’t recognize her at first. He reached his arm out to place his palm gently on her head.
“I never forgot you,” he said. “You just look different than I expected.”
She nodded and wiped her eyes. “Are you up for visitors?”
“You don’t have to leave, if that’s what you’re asking,” Sakusa said, not really understanding whom she meant by visitors.
Before Lilly could answer whom she did mean by visitors, Sakusa’s neurologist came into the room and started asking questions.
He asked Sakusa many questions to try to determine the extent of his memory loss, and after asking him what his address was, what his birthday and age were, and what he did for work, and with Motoya correcting everything Sakusa said, it was apparent that Sakusa did not remember the last three years of his life.
The last year that Sakusa remembered, he was twenty-six, going on twenty-seven. Now he was almost thirty.
He was stunned as he tried to fathom that this was his new reality. He sat in silence, trying to process that there were potentially large parts of his life that he could not remember. He was alone in his room while his thoughts spiraled and spiraled, and he wondered when Motoya and Lilly would come back to offer some kind of distraction from the dread that threatened to consume him. What didn’t he know?
He was broken out of his thoughts when there was a knock on the door and in the doorway stood one of the Miya twins.
He didn’t look like Atsumu, but Lilly hadn’t looked like Lilly, and staring at the Miya in front of him, Sakusa could not be sure if Atsumu had finally stopped dying his hair stupid colors and just embraced his natural brown, or if he was looking at his twin.
“Howdy,” the Miya said and Sakusa frowned. He didn’t think he’d ever heard Atsumu greet him with the word howdy. “Tsum sent me to check on ya, somethin' ‘bout the end of the world or somethin'. I don’t know.” He took a moment to look at Sakusa up and down. “You don’t look like you’re dyin'.”
So this wasn’t his teammate, then, Sakusa realized.
The Miya twin didn’t look bothered by Sakusa’s lack of response and instead looked him over some more as he walked into the room and sat in one of the empty chairs. Sakusa continued to look at him, not really understanding why Atsumu would send his twin to come see him.
“What about the end of the world?” Sakusa asked, questioning the choice of words and trying to poke fun at the dramatization of the situation. That did sound like Atsumu, but nothing was making sense.
Osamu shrugged. “You know how Tsum gets when he can’t see things for himself.” He used his finger to trace circles around his ear, gesturing that he believed Atsumu to be crazy. “He gets all worst case scenario and then drives himself into a frenzy.”
Sakusa did know that about his teammate, it’s something the whole team had to deal with, but Sakusa didn’t know why Atsumu would take such interest…unless…did Atsumu feel guilty about something?
“Why didn’t he come himself?” Sakusa questioned. He couldn’t picture Atsumu ever avoiding him, but he had no idea what had happened in the past three years.
Osamu looked surprised that Sakusa didn’t know. “MSBY had a game, but they’re comin’ back tonight.”
No matter what explanation Sakusa tried to think of, nothing could really answer the question of why Atsumu had sent his twin to see him, so he asked out loud, “Why would Miya send the other Miya to come check on me?”
Sakusa had been looking at his hands, as if they would hold the answer, and when Osamu didn’t answer Sakusa looked up at his face, suddenly uneasy at the look of shock that was displayed on it. Osamu stayed silent for a long moment, taking his time to study Sakusa and after a long few seconds he opened his mouth to answer but then closed it again.
“You two…” Osamu said carefully, looking at Sakusa straight in the eyes. “You’ve gotten close. You’d want to know too, if your situations were reversed.”
Sakusa took a moment to think about that and looked away. He was quiet and after another shorter moment Osamu spoke and stood up.
“Alright then,” he said cheerfully. “It was good seein' ya. Don’t give my brother a hard time when you see him tomorrow, or do,” Osamu said, putting his hand on his chin in a way that made Sakusa think of Atsumu for some reason. “I don’t really care but if you do, make it count I guess.”
Sakusa didn’t know how to respond, still caught up in Osamu’s words that he and Atsumu had somehow become close, close enough for Atsumu to send his twin brother for a welfare check, and close enough for Osamu to actually do it.
Osamu didn’t wait for a response and instead waved at Sakusa without another word and let himself out of the hospital room. Sakusa sat in silence, processing the interaction and looked up when Motoya came back into the room. He stood in the doorway, clinging to it as if he were worried that Sakusa would have another breakdown.
“What did he mean,” Sakusa said before Motoya could speak, “when he said me and Miya are close?”
He watched as Motoya’s eyes widened, but then Motoya closed his eyes and leaned his head back.
“You are,” Motoya shrugged. “Atsumu can probably explain it better, or maybe you’ll know when you see him.”
“He’s coming here?” Sakusa asked, not sure why he was surprised anymore. Osamu made it clear that Atsumu would be there if he were physically able to.
“Yes,” Motoya said. “He’s actually been here almost every day.” Sakusa was about to exclaim how absolutely crazy that was, and Motoya must have read the look on his face because he continued before Sakusa could open his mouth fully to speak. “He’ll be here tomorrow, since by the time the Jackals get back visiting hours will be over, so you have the whole night to mentally prepare.”
Motoya was clearly avoiding him, and Sakusa didn’t really have anything productive to contribute to the conversation, so he stayed quiet as Motoya fussed around, grabbing some blankets and sheets for Sakusa. Once Sakusa was all set for the night and had plenty of water by his bedside and the TV remote within close proximity, Motoya bid him goodnight with promise of returning the next day.
After he left Sakusa was alone again and he lay back in the bed thinking about everything he knew and couldn’t know, about how he didn’t know how to feel about knowing that in the morning he would see Atsumu, and after more spiraling that he had missed three years of his life he fell into a restless sleep.