Archive of Our Own

               As soon as the words leave your mouth, you know that he is definitely not okay. His bright pink hair is wet and matted to his head, his coat wrinkled as if he hurriedly picked it up off the floor, and his face is drained of all colour. Never in all your years of friendship has Hwa just shown up like this out of the blue. Your pulse quickens immediately, worried that something horrible has happened.

               “I need to talk to you.” He says, and his voice is wavering.

               “What, you couldn’t call or text?” You joke, hoping some lightness will alleviate his clear distress but he just gives a firm shake of his head. “Alright, come in. Do you want a towel or something? Your hair is soaked.”

               One hand goes to his head as if only now realizing that it has been raining. “What? Oh. Yes, thank you.”

               You leave to get a towel and when you return, Seonghwa has shrugged out of his coat, sitting on one of the chairs in the living room. He is perched at the edge looking like a bird ready to take flight at the slightest noise. His coat rests in his lap, and his hands are gripping it so hard his knuckles are white. He vaguely looks like the time the two of you got caught egging the neighbor’s house as teenagers (your idea) on Halloween and were waiting for the punishment to be handed down. You debate bringing the memory up but he looks too much like a sad puppy to mention something else that once stressed him out.

               Handing him the towel, you sit down on the couch across from him, wondering what in the world is happening. Out of the two of you, Hwa has always been the most sensitive. His thoughtfulness and kindness knew no limits and his tendency to put everyone else before him often meant he ran himself into the ground without realizing. He had been like that since you met him what felt like an eternity ago when you fell at the playground as a kid. He comforted you even though he barely knew you outside of class.

               Since then, your friendship has been one of the only constants in your life. You could always rely on Hwa, no matter what happened. You told him everything too…well…almost everything. Some things are better kept to yourself, after all.

               “Alright…you gonna tell me what is going on?” You probe gently when Hwa doesn’t speak – he isn’t even looking at you, half heartedly drying his hair with the towel.

               You wonder if you have done something wrong. But when you reflect on the past week, nothing comes to mind. Life has its steady rhythm and both Hwa and you have fallen into it. The last time you saw Hwa, you had grabbed a drink with him at a bar, listening to him vent about work. He got drunk off two drinks; he could never hold his liquor well. You got him home safely and that had been it. A completely normal night with him.

               “I am so sorry,” He blurts out, his voice cracking slightly, “I had no idea. If I had known – I wouldn’t have – I mean, I never would have…”

               “Whoa,” You hold up a hand, “Hwa, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Can you please start from the beginning? Why are you apologizing?”

               It is then that Hwa’s eyes finally look up from his coat, resting on you for a few seconds. He lowers the towel, his hands gripping it. You shift nervously, wishing he would just say whatever happened already because the tension is growing.

               “Your website,” He finally says quietly, “I didn’t know. Until last night. That it was yours, I mean.”

               You stare at him in shock, unable to speak. Surely, he couldn’t mean…that’s impossible. Because for everything you tell Hwa, all your secrets and hopes and dreams, there is something he doesn’t know about you and it’s what you do part time to make extra money on the side. Your website, in which you sell videos of yourself masturbating with various toys, and occasionally doing live streams, has been a steady source of income in the last year that you started doing such work. You have never shown your face in any of the videos until last night when you held a live stream for the select few that have spent the most money on the site in the last year.

               Which apparently meant Hwa…

               As if sensing the blossoming panic that is currently growing in your chest, he begins to speak so quickly that it is difficult to keep up. “I swear, I had no idea. I mean, I’ve never even seen your bedroom since you moved in here a year ago. Whenever I come by, we sit in the living room and the door is shut. I never questioned it. You’ve always been a private person. I had no…no background I would recognize. No indication that it was you. You’re always just in a bra on camera so I didn’t see any clothes I would have realized were yours. Even your voice, I should have known by your voice but I just…I didn’t think you were doing this work; it wasn’t in the realm of possibility in my brain so I didn’t catch that either. I’m so sorry - I wouldn’t have –” He takes a deep breath before barreling on, “As soon as I saw your face on the live stream, I left. I cancelled my membership immediately. I knew I could just not tell you but that would have been impossible because if I tried to hide it, it would have been written all over my face. It felt wrong to not tell you. I’m so sorry.” He looks on the verge of his tears by the time he finishes.

               Your brain is trying to reboot itself, tugging on you gently to tell Hwa you know he would have never done something like that intentionally. You know he hadn’t been aware. His distress and panic over the situation is clear. Even so, your brain is doing a slideshow of all the videos he must have seen of you.

               “Your username,” You say and your voice sounds distant to your own ears, “What was your username?”

               Hwa hesitates and that is when you know his answer is going to send a sledgehammer to your chest. When he tells you the username, you let out a groan, burying your face in your hands.

               “Are you fucking serious?” Your words are muffled against your skin.

               It isn’t directed at Hwa but more of a declaration to the universe. But Hwa begins to babble again, apologizing repeatedly. The words go in one ear and out the other as his username rattles around in your skull. Hwa wasn’t just someone who had been giving you a good chunk of change the past year – he had been giving you the most out of anyone else subscribed.

               Now the slideshow is even worse. Hwa, in your chat for any livestreams, tipping you every time, sending you private messages. You had always been fond of him in a client sense because he was never creepy or disrespectful, just horny. Should’ve known someone that nice would’ve been Hwa, you think glumly – just your luck.

               Interrupting Hwa, who has been repeating himself ad nauseum at this point, you say, “I know you didn’t know. Just stop talking for a moment, please.”

               He falls silent immediately as if being unplugged. In the silence, your head still in your hands, you try to figure out what to say or where to go from here. But all you can think about is that your best friend had been masturbating to you for an entire year, seeing you fuck yourself with dildos, hold vibrators against your clit, heard you talk candidly about sex and kinks.

               Taking a deep breath, you manage to look up at Hwa. Making eye contact with him is impossible. Suddenly, the room is too suffocating with him in it.

               “Hwa, I appreciate you coming by to tell me this. Truly, I do. But I just need some time to deal with this information.”

               “You want me to leave?” He asks in a tiny voice.

               “Yes, please. I’m not angry at you. I’m just really embarrassed and need space.”

               He stands up immediately, quickly yanking his jacket on. The towel falls to the floor. “Of course. I get it. I understand,” His chest rises and falls quickly, “Whenever you’re ready to reach out, I’ll be here. Take all the time you need. Okay? Alright. Uhm. Bye.”

               He leaves so quickly that you think he is secretly relieved you dismissed him. In the ensuing silence, you lean back on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

               Now what? How in the world could you ever act normally in front of Hwa again? Could he even act normal after something like this? Hwa, who picks up on people’s moods easily, and is constantly trying to fix problems that don’t even impact him, is now expected to move on after getting off to your videos for an entire year?

               On top of that, he had been the highest paying client on the site. Now that income was lost.

               “Great.” You mumble. “Amazing.” and you sigh.

*

               Like picking a scab, you find yourself in front of the computer later that night. You know that you shouldn’t be diving into everything Hwa has sent you over the past year. But you can’t help it. Your phone keeps buzzing with messages from friends, all unread, but radio silence from Hwa. You know him well enough. You won’t hear from him unless you contact first.

               The messages flash across your eyes as you rapidly scroll through your inbox with him. Most of them are generic ones talking about how good you looked, which videos he would revisit, the money he tossed your way. But some of them are more intense – a paragraph here and there detailing what he wished he could do with you. All of them have Hwa being extremely submissive which also doesn’t surprise you in the slightest. All the fantasies deal with him desperate to please you. All of them end with Hwa fucking you until he gets to cum inside your pussy. Every kink is obvious, from you being in control, talking to him sternly, dragging out the pleasure until he cannot take it anymore and begs to cum.

               Cheeks aflame, you close out of the site, chewing on your bottom lip. You know way too much about Hwa now but then again, he knows even more, doesn’t he? He has heard you orgasm, has seen you fuck yourself silly with toys.

               With a small sigh, you pick up your phone and scroll through your texts with Hwa. Over the years, he has always been there for you – and admittedly, you may have unintentionally taken advantage of that. It is easy to take comfort in the fact that Hwa will always be there, no matter what is happening or what time it is occurring. There have been multiple times you have gone to his place after a bad day at work with little thought as to what he might have planned. Not to mention the times a relationship of yours ended and Hwa has come over immediately to make sure you are okay.

               It would be easier, under the anonymity of the internet, to have sent you crass and unappealing messages with every bit of money given. You had your fair share of clients like that. But Hwa never crossed any sort of line, never made you uncomfortable. You always thought of him as just some anonymous respectful person who, for whatever reason, really got off to your body type. You suppose now that you weren’t that far off in the end. Hwa is shy, kind, thoughtful, making sure to never cross anyone’s boundaries even when he is anonymous.

               You wish it had been anyone else to stumble across the site besides Hwa. It isn’t that you are ashamed of your work, you just like keeping a lot of things to yourself – something else Hwa had always been okay about. But your need for privacy has seemingly backfired now. If you opened up to him, he wouldn’t have stumbled across your website and things wouldn’t be where they were now. What are the odds? You think miserably, putting your phone down. So many people do sex work online now and somehow Hwa found you. Surely, the universe is laughing.

               At least someone is, you think.

*

               You bounce on the balls of your feet, wondering for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes if this is a mistake. It has been a week since Hwa’s confession. To go from talking to him multiple times a day to not at all has been jarring and to be honest, you don’t like it. Even when you think about the entire situation, you cannot help the fact you miss your best friend.

               That is why, on a whim, you texted Hwa and asked to go to the movies together. You are hoping that maybe the entire situation can be swept under the rug and things can go back to normal. So what if he’s been masturbating to me for an entire year and I know all his kinks?

               You spot Seonghwa’s pink hair first as he weaves through a small cluster of people. With his long blue coat, he looks like bubblegum incarnate. When he notices you, he gives a small wave and your heart begins to race. Just don’t think about it, you lecture, you’re just here to catch a movie with your best friend.

               “Hey. Am I late?”

               “Hwa, you’re never late.” You reply with an eyeroll – Hwa is usually twenty minutes early to everything.

               He looks relieved, glancing at the concession stand. “You want popcorn?”

               “Do I ever say no to popcorn?”

               Hwa gives a small smile as you both get in line for popcorn. There is a beat of silence; it is a little too long for your liking. Your mind wanders to think of something to talk about. Luckily, it is Hwa who speaks first, launching into a story about his work today. It sounds overly rehearsed and you know that he has come prepared with stories to fill the awkward silences. You feel a mixture of relief that he has thought the situation through and frustration that he had to prepare in such a way to see you. It wasn’t like this prior to the confession.

               Hwa orders the popcorn and a drink, and when he hands it to you, your fingers brush together. It is a jolt to your system, causing you to yank the popcorn away so quickly that some spills out across your shoes. You laugh awkwardly as Hwa’s eyes widen slightly.

               “Whoops. Sorry, I skipped dinner. Just hungry and too eager.” You lie – great, you’re lying now, “Maybe you should hold the drink.”

               “Good idea.” He says before turning back to the register to pay since you bought the tickets.

               As you stare at his profile, your mind flashes to a message he sent to you after watching one of your videos: I’d do anything to taste that pussy of yours. You swallow hard, looking down at the popcorn at your feet. Your clothes are baggy tonight, as if wearing the equivalent of a potato sack could ensure Hwa’s mind doesn’t travel to your website.

               Turning back to face you, he asks, “Ready?”

               “Yup.” You say with artificial cheer.

               Trailing after Hwa into the theatre, clutching the popcorn as if it will ward off the tumultuous thoughts buzzing in your brain, you sit down next to him and hope the movie will be a distraction. He shrugs out of his jacket, wearing just a simple white t-shirt. Your eyes linger on his upper arms before you drag them away to look at the screen. Luckily, there is little time to talk because the previews start almost immediately.

               You have gone to the movies a thousand times with Hwa since childhood. You both have polar opposite taste in movies which means whoever picked the film that night ends up debating it with the other once its finished. At this point, the ritual is comforting. It is the normalcy you need in your life. Hwa is your constant.

               But as the film starts, your mind wanders. You find yourself staring at Hwa’s hand which rests on his knee. He is wearing one singular silver ring that flashes in the darkness of the theatre when the dim lights catch it. You think about how many times over the past year he has turned up at one of your live shows, your face carefully out of frame as you got off. Hwa would throw money at you the entire time, messaging afterwards to tell you how much he came. I only cum this much when I watch you one of his messages said. You picture him in his bedroom, his hand wrapped around his stiff dick as he got off to you –

               Oh my God, brain, stop, you beg, captive to the images it keeps tossing your way, just stop. You cram a handful of popcorn into your mouth as if that will shut your mind off. You continue to do this until Hwa leans over, giving a small tug on the popcorn.

               “Hey, you’re hogging it,” He complains quietly, very close to your face, much too close to your face, actually –

               “Sorry, take it.” You shove it at him, spilling popcorn across his lap, “Fuck, sorry.” You move forward to brush the popcorn off his lap, immediately clunking your head against his like two coconuts striking.

               “Okay, ow.” He mumbles, leaning back, sweeping the popcorn off his lap, “No offense but you’re a disaster tonight.”

               Would you let me cum in you if I did a good job? The message flashes against your brain and you say, “I have to go pee.”

               Hastily, you stand and scurry down the row, hearing some people grumble as you pass. Your heart is thudding in your chest, cheeks flush with colour as you step into the theatre lobby, taking a deep breath of air which smells like popcorn and salt.

               Tonight is going the exact opposite of what you wanted. How are you supposed to move on and sweep the entire thing under the rug when all you can think about is everything Hwa messaged you? When just staring at his hand makes you think of him in ways that you shouldn’t? Everything has turned upside down, muddled in a way that you never expected – not with Hwa, out of everyone in your life.

               After a few minutes, you return, settling back in your seat. Hwa doesn’t even glance at you. He is playing with the zipper of his coat nervously, the tension in his shoulders clear as he stares at the screen. He can sense things have shifted, you think, this isn’t going to work. What the hell were you supposed to do now?

               As the film continues, Hwa shifts uncomfortably, rearranging his coat over his lap. Typically, Hwa watches movies almost stoically, completely engrossed, taking in every detail. But it is evident that his attention is elsewhere just like yours – and you are aware of exactly what he must be thinking about. You know him well enough to sense when he is distracted or something is bothering him. This is just the first time it involves the fact he has seen you naked for a year straight.

               You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, studying his profile and the way the movie drapes him in ever changing lights. You aren’t oblivious; you know that Hwa is attractive, extremely so. But he has always been just Hwa to you – off limits, not a friendship that could be ruined by lust. I’d wear a collar with a bell on it so you could hear it jingling when I fuck you, Hwa wrote in one message. You swallow hard, looking at the curve of Hwa’s neck before forcing yourself to stare straight ahead, desperation growing in your chest.

               By the time the movie ends, you want fresh air and the stars above your head. Out of the confines of the theatre, you slump against the wall of the building, your back digging uncomfortably into the frame of a movie poster.

               “What did you think?” Hwa asks.

               “It was fine. What about you?”

               “Fine. Yeah, fine.” He says.

               Silence. Never before have you left a theatre with Hwa and had a conversation so short about a movie. This is where you typically started debating and bickering about what you just watched together.

               “You know, Hongjoong is performing at the club this Saturday night, are you going to that?” You are trying desperately to think of something to talk about that won’t shift towards the massive elephant in the room.

               “Oh. No, I’m not,” He looks sheepish as he goes, “I have a date that night.”

               For some reason, this makes you feel as if someone has just pitched you from a plane without a parachute. “Oh, fun. That’ll be fun.”

               Hwa goes on dates often although things typically lose steam around the third date or so. You have never thought much of it. Hwa is sensitive, picks up on the moods of others easily, and any sort of strange energy sends him running off. Sure, he garners a lot of attention for his looks. But being so shy and quiet means it is difficult for him to open up.

               Yet the idea of Hwa now going on a date makes you want to fling yourself into the sea and you don’t even know why. He always called after his dates to discuss them at length with you, debating if he should see the person again or not, the perks and downsides of it all.

               He gives a small shrug. “Maybe. I’ll call you Sunday morning then. We can talk about it as usual.”

               “Great,” You lie, forcing a smile, “Can’t wait.”

*

               But Hwa doesn’t call Sunday morning or afternoon. By that evening, you are pacing like a pent up cat, wondering why he hasn’t reached out. You even texted him a few hours ago with a joke about the date but there was no reply. To make matters worse for yourself, you went back and re-read all the messages from the past year Hwa sent to your website. Your brain is filled with images you never conjured up before about your best friend. You wonder if Hwa saved any of your videos and if he went back to watch them this week. Somehow, you doubt it. His guilt, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, meant he wouldn’t do something like that. You have never been as good of a person as Hwa.

               By ten, you realize he isn’t calling. You are lying in bed, the TV on, exhausted from overthinking. Your mind has been bouncing between Hwa’s messages, the money he gave you, his tearful confession, the way he looked at the theatre, his hand resting on his knee. It repeats like a warped tape.

               At some point, you must fall asleep because your phone ringing is what jolts you awake. Groggily, you raise your head from the pillow. The TV is still on, supplying the only source of light in the room, but you hear rain outside once again. Your phone continues to bleat loudly. Bleary eyed, you reach over for it from the night table. The clock says it is nearing midnight.

               To your surprise, it is Hwa calling. You prop yourself up and answer immediately.

               “Hey. You okay?” You ask, worried about how late he is calling.

               “I woke you up, didn’t I?” Hwa asks, “I can tell by your voice.”

               “It’s fine. I don’t mind you waking me up.” You say without thinking and then wonder if that sounds flirty – great, is that something you need to worry about now?

               “I know I didn’t call this morning. Today was kinda hectic,” He falls silent for a few seconds and you can almost picture his thoughtful expression, the way he is chewing on whatever he wants to say, “Did you go to Hongjoong’s set last night?”

               “Yup,” You lay back on the pillows, stifling a yawn. Something about Hwa being on the line, hearing him talk, is making you sleepy and relaxed again. “It was fun. Although Wooyoung tried to climb the stage as a joke and Jongho had to yank him back before the bouncer kicked us all out.”

               “Sounds like Woo,” He replies dryly.

               “What about your date?”

               There is a long silence, long enough for you to open your eyes and switch the call to turn the cameras on. Hwa is usually quiet and it has always been easier to gauge what he is thinking if you could see him instead of reading in between the gaps of his words.

               Hwa looks surprised as he adjusts the camera. He is in bed as well, wearing an oversized long sleeved white shirt. His pink hair is slightly messy, and he straightens up a little, running his fingers through the strands to try to fix them. That’s new, you think. Hwa has always been relaxed around you, to the point where he falls asleep sometimes during late video calls, leaving you staring at his pillow or the ceiling when the phone slips from his hand. Now, he is fixing his hair at the sight of you.

               “Okay, enough with the silence. What, did you have sex with her?” You try to keep the tone light – it doesn’t matter if he did, it’s totally fine if he did, because he is just your best friend and nothing more –

               “No,” He says and the relief that strikes you is like a tidal wave, “We did sorta…fool around though, I guess.” Now the tidal wave is violent, thrashing against your skull instead of receding.

               “What does that mean, exactly?” Your tone comes out much harsher than intended so you clear your throat and try to force cheer into your voice, “Groping each other like high schoolers at a party or something?”

               Hwa looks bashful, avoiding looking at you directly. Instead, his eyes are staring at the headboard behind you. “A bit, yeah. I was over at her place watching a movie and things just naturally progressed to making out for a while.”

               Hwa has shyly talked about some sexual experiences with you over the course of the long friendship. You never thought much of it. But now, you can see him making out with some strange woman with a vivid clarity you dislike. You can picture his hands in her hair, his tongue in her mouth, she probably sat in his lap too as Hwa groaned –

               You wish that you could reach into your brain and viciously unplug it. Instead, you reply, “How was it?”

               “It was fun,” He wiggles down further onto the bed as if he could sink into the sheets. Then he speaks again but it is so muffled that you believe you misheard.

               “What?” You ask, “Sorry, you’re talking directly into your blanket, Hwa.”

               He repeats himself. This time you definitely do catch it. “She gave you a blowjob?” You dislike how puritan you sound, as if Hwa has never gotten a blowjob before, or you haven’t given any yourself.

               Immediately, your brain adjusts the cursed mental image. Now, the woman is slinking down to her knees, unzipping his pants, going to reach for his hard cock.

               “I didn’t mean for it to go so far,” Hwa explains, his voice a little clearer now although his cheeks are tinged pink, “It just got out of hand, I guess.”

               “How was it?” Some part of you thinks I could suck you better before you promptly push the thought away.

               Hwa, his voice growing soft because of his shyness, replies, “It was okay. I mean, I liked it.”

               “Did you finish?” What is wrong with me? You have never asked Hwa such questions before, and there is a warmth spreading through your body that you know far too well. You shouldn’t be feeling it over your best friend.

               But if Hwa mislikes your probing questions, he gives no indication of it. Instead, even though the colour across his cheeks is deepening into red, he goes, “Yes, I finished.”

               Your mind is wandering once again, like a powerful dog dragging you along as you try to tug on the leash. Your pulse quickens and it is difficult to keep your voice steady when asking the next question. “Where did you finish?”

               Hwa stirs under the covers. Are you imagining it or has his breathing deepened as well? It is unmistakable that he is blushing but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Hwa blushes easily whenever he feels shy – which is constant.

               “In her mouth.” He mumbles, and he nervously runs his tongue over his lips, a small motion which feels more like an earthquake to you.

               You aren’t sure what to say to this. Your brain is currently running the scenario of Hwa’s dick in another woman’s mouth, the noise he would make when he cums, the flicker of the movie on the TV. Logically, you are aware that it would be best to end the conversation here because things are starting to shift in a way that wouldn’t be proper.

               But before you can tell Hwa that you are going to bed, he speaks again. “It wasn’t as good though.” His voice is so soft that you are straining to hear it.

               “What do you mean?” You reply, confused.

               “It didn’t feel as good as…” He shifts once more, the covers moving down enough so that you can see how quickly his chest is rising and falling, “As when I watched you.”

               The words take a few seconds to sink into your head. You hadn’t been expecting Hwa to mention your videos like that when you have been trying so hard to move past it. You hope the surprise doesn’t show on your face because you have a feeling that Hwa will scatter like a terrified deer if you make him feel weird for bringing it up.

               “Oh yeah?” You manage to say casually even though your heart might explode at any second.

               Voice shaking slightly, Hwa keeps going. “I o-only let it go that far because I thought…I thought I could forget. About everything. You know, with us.”

               “Did it work?”

               His breath catches as he replies, “No. I shouldn’t have…” He clears his throat a little, “I shouldn’t have thought of your videos during it, I’m sorry. But I did.”

               God, you are wet. It is insane that you should be this wet from your best friend. How could everything be shifting so quickly? You squeeze your thighs together, fighting the urge to touch yourself.

               “Any video in particular?” You ask, out of curiosity and also desperation for Hwa to keep talking.

               The answer comes quickly. “You had one a few months ago where you were riding a dildo while talking about your fantasies. You came when you wiggled all the way down on the dildo and rubbed your clit; you came so hard from how intense it was. I think I watched it a thousand times,” His cheeks could not be any brighter than this moment, and his position has changed just slightly enough that you think he might be rubbing his dick through his pajama pants just to try to find some relief. “Sorry,” He says with a sharp intake of breath, “I shouldn’t be talking about this. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

               “You’re not making me uncomfortable,” You are quick to reassure him, “It’s okay.”

               You remember the video he is talking about. You can also recall the messages he sent afterwards; he had talked about jerking off to it, how he wished you could bounce on his dick like that. As always, the messages were horny but not disrespectful. It made you realize that Hwa is just genuinely a nice person, mindful of others even when he didn’t know them personally. That made you want him even more, to give him everything he desired to make up for all the times you looked back and realized you could have done better by the friendship you have with him.

               “Hwa,” You study his face for a moment, “Are you touching yourself?”

               His breath catches, the tip of his tongue poking out from in between his teeth. “Y…yes, a little.” He stammers out.

               Now or never, you think before going, “Did I say you could do that?”

               He stares at you wide-eyed, the stern tone of your voice taking him by surprise. Every message Hwa sent spoke about being submissive. You are hoping he will catch on, not misunderstand your tone to be reproaching.

               To make it clear exactly your intent, you add on, “You’re not allowed to touch yourself until I give permission.”

               The panicked look in his eyes fade to be replaced with understanding. You were wrong – Hwa can blush harder. It somehow makes his hair appear even pinker. He holds up his free hand to the camera, illustrating he is no longer rubbing himself.

               “S-sorry. I’m not. I’m not touching myself anymore, I mean.”

               No such restraints are placed upon you. Your hand goes underneath the band of your pajama pants and underwear, dipping in between your folds to feel how soaking wet you are.

               “Good. Now, start at the beginning. Tell me more about this blowjob.” Your tone is clipped, authoritative and you can almost see Hwa submit to you.

               He swallows hard and in the smallest voice you have ever heard from him begins to speak, “We were on the couch in her living room. She had been rubbing me through my pants. And I…I normally don’t…don’t go that far so fast but all week…I have to admit,” Hwa is more flustered than you have ever seen him and it’s adorable in a way you never expected, “I kept thinking about you. Your videos. Even though I was…I was so embarrassed at having sent you so many messages and having said so much about myself – at the movies together, all I could think about was you. So, I went along with it when she made the move on me. I thought maybe I could move past what happened with us…” Even the tip of his nose is pink, you realize as your fingers brush against your clit.

               “And?” You prompt, keeping the same stern voice on.

               Hwa inhales a little as he squirms; you wonder if he even notices that he is doing that or if he is so turned on it is happening automatically. “She got on her knees on the floor and…well, you know…” He lets out a tiny whine, “Could I touch myself, please?”

               “No,” You say curtly, rubbing your clit slowly, picturing some woman sucking your best friend’s cock, “Did you like it? Did it feel good?”

               “Y-yes, it felt good,” He looks away from the camera and you get the feeling he is hiding something, “I liked it.”

               “You know if you’re not being entirely honest with me then you won’t get to cum. And you want to cum with me, don’t you?”

               “I pretended it was you,” He blurts out immediately and then sinks down further onto the bed as if wanting to melt into the sheets, “I thought about you. I closed my eyes and pretended you were sucking me off instead. She had her mouth stuffed with me and I didn’t even watch, I just thought about you and I filled her mouth up with my load and I wished it was you and that was why I didn’t call because I knew if you spoke to me, I would end up telling you. That’s everything. I promise. Please, can I touch myself now?” His voice is fragile, his eyes pleading – it is impossible to refuse him.

               “Fine,” Your voice gives no indication of how quickly your heart is racing or how wet you are at Hwa’s confession, “But I want to watch.”

               He stammers out, “Watch me…”

               “Jerk off. So, switch your camera, come on.”

               The last you see of Hwa’s face is him shyly looking at you through the screen until the angle changes. As he does so, you turn off your camera and hear a murmur of protest.

               “If you do a good job at getting yourself off, next time you can see me,” You tell him even though the reality is you don’t want him to see you drooling over his cock after having thought about it all week.

               The tent in his sweatpants is evident. He runs his hand over it, clearly turned on but nervous at the same time. Then he tugs his sweatpants down along with his boxers, just enough so his cock springs free. He is larger than even in your fantasies, precum evident at the tip, and when he wraps his hand around his cock, you have to bite your bottom lip so no sound comes out. It is insane to be doing this with your best friend; this is something you aren’t supposed to see him do.

               You rub your finger across your clit faster, too impatient to even stop to get your vibrator out. Hwa’s slender hand is gripping his hard cock, jerking himself off at a rapid pace, clearly needing to climax. You like the curve of his wrist, the precum oozing from the tip of his cock and down the shaft, smearing against his hand as he jerks off. You can hear his unsteady breathing as he does so.

               “Did she swallow?” You ask, wanting to hear him speak while he plays with himself, needing to hear how turned on he is.

               “Yes,” He gasps out, his pace increasing, “She did.”

               “Did you like that?”

               “I just wanted you,” Hwa replies, “You know what I want. You’ve read it.”

               “Yes, I remember. The collar with the bell. Bossing you around. Fucking you until I finish. You were very graphic.” You say, your breathing betraying how turned on you are.

               “I can’t believe it was you. The whole time,” His hand moves faster now, tightening slightly around his dick, “The whole time I was getting off to you.”

               In the eager motions of his hand, his shirt has ridden up slightly and you can see his toned stomach, the hint of his abs. Hwa is typically always covered. In all your years of friendship, you haven’t seen him shirtless. You know he likes to work out but never thought much of it. Now, however, you are definitely thinking about it.

               “You gonna cum for me?” You ask, knowing neither of you are going to last long.

               “Yes,” He whines, “I – may I? May I cum?” His voice is a higher pitch, the desire evident.

               You can’t deny him because you are seconds from finishing yourself. “You may but it better be a big load so I can tell how much you want me.”

               Hwa grunts as his speed picks up. His cock is covered in precum, his hand practically a blur as he jerks himself off. You like seeing him so eager to prove himself to you. Quiet, gentle Hwa who is still somehow the same even when he wants to fuck. It is difficult not to want to spoil him, to grant him everything he’s written about. The only reason you can torture him like this is because that is what he wants from you.

               Your orgasm draws near, and it is impossible to be silent, a small moan escaping from your lips. It is this sound that seems to send Hwa over the edge. With a loud grunt, Hwa goes still, cum spurting out of the tip of his cock, across his hand and abdomen, more than you thought there would be. The sight is your undoing, your own climax starting at the sight of your best friend’s hand covered in his load. You wish that you were there, knowing that you would be dragging your tongue along his hand and stomach to lick it up, wanting all of him in your mouth. The orgasm is intense, and by the time you come down from it, your breathing is completely ragged.

               Afterwards, Hwa hastily turns his camera off, clearly feeling extra shy now that reality is rolling in. You can hear him cleaning up and can almost picture his embarrassment crossing his face as he does so. I can’t believe we did that. So much for sweeping it under the rug. It felt like something now changed irrecoverably in the friendship.

               “I have to go,” Hwa says quickly, “Uhm, goodnight.”

               The call ends suddenly, the silence filling the room like an unwanted bedfellow. You sigh, your phone dropping from your hand, wondering what in the world to do next. Hwa will be like a bunny hiding in a hole, unsure of how to act around you or where the friendship is going after a call like that.

               It seems like you have a choice to make about where you want it to go.

*

               It is raining again when you knock on Hwa’s door a few days later. The sun has dipped below the horizon, the rain sweeping in with the night, a brisk wind kicking up, sending the leaves swirling around each step you take. Hwa lives on a quiet street twenty minutes from your place. In the distance, you can hear a dog barking. Hwa’s place has always been one of safety for you. The amount of times you crashed here after a bad day is a number you aren’t sure can be correctly remembered.

               Hwa opens the door a few seconds later, surprise clear on his face. You hadn’t let him know that you were coming by. His eyes drop to your outfit, one eyebrow raised slightly. You are wearing an oversized hoodie but a short skirt and heels that have a large platform base and an even longer heel. Recognition sweeps across his features at the sight of them. You know he recognizes them – you have worn them in your videos many times.

               Hwa swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing before he manages to ask, “H-hey. I didn’t…I didn’t know you were coming by,” Shifting slightly, still staring at the heels, he goes, “Did you hurry over here after filming or something?”

               “Nope. May I come in?” You ask breezily.

               Hwa moves to the side, the feeling of his eyes on your back overwhelming as you brush past him. His place, as always, is incredibly tidy with nothing out of place. His laptop is on the coffee table, open to his work e-mail, the TV on quietly, the glow dousing the living room. The window’s curtains are still open, and the nighttime view of his sleepy street is as comforting as your favourite blanket.

               “Is this cuz I’ve been avoiding you?” Hwa asks.

               He isn’t lying. Ever since the phone call, he hasn’t replied to any of your texts or calls. You know he is embarrassed and shy from his confession about thinking of you and getting off together. Hwa tended to try to avoid anything that stressed him out, a trait that had backfired on him more than once. You know him well enough to realize if things were to get sorted out, you would have to initiate it. It just took some time to figure out how you wanted it sorted.

               “Yup,” You say, walking into his bedroom.

               “H-hey!” He says, following you into the space.

               The bed is perfectly made, the curtains closed, a small loveseat in one corner with a pile of folded clean laundry on one cushion. Turning on a lamp that rests on the dresser, you carefully move the clothes and plop down on the chair.

               In any other time, in any other moment, Hwa would be freaking out at the fact you have walked into his bedroom while still wearing shoes. But the sight of those particular heels has seemingly rendered his previous protests useless because he doesn’t mention it. You pat the spot next to you, motioning for him to come over.

               Standing there, in his white t-shirt and sweatpants, nervously running his slender fingers through his hair, Hwa looks torn between hiding or letting his curiosity win out. You think that he has never looked more delicate than in that moment and your heart constricts. Ever since things shifted, you have been noticing things with Hwa that you never have before – how attentive he is, how gentle and overly considerate almost to a fault.

               With a small exhale, making his cheeks puff out briefly, Hwa sits next to you on the love seat, folding his hands in his lap like he is waiting to be called into the principal’s office. You pull your bag into your lap, rummaging through it.

               “I brought you something.” You say.

               Hwa clears his throat delicately, “Did you?”

               “Yes but if you don’t want it, I won’t be upset, okay?”

               He peers at you curiously as your hands wrap around the object, pulling it out of the bag and holding it out towards him. Immediately, he blushes, staring at the pink collar with the tiny golden bell on one side.

               “It matches your hair.” You explain, “If you decide you want to accept it, I can put it on for you.”

               Silence fills the space between your bodies. You know what the collar is truly offering - a permanent shift away from the friendship you have known so long with Hwa into something else. After spending days debating what to do, tossing back and forth between the way you saw Hwa now versus trying to force things into your previous dynamic, you realized that you knew the answer. You had known from the moment Hwa confessed to you he had unknowingly been watching your videos.

               Hwa’s eyes flick upwards to meet yours. His hands are now pressing flat against his knees, his fingers tapping against his legs as he figures out his reply. You watch calmly, wanting Hwa to know he can take his time. You aren’t in a hurry. Although you would be lying to yourself if you said that his rejection of your offer wouldn’t sting.

               Timidly, in a voice as soft as a feather, Hwa finally replies. “Y…you can put it on for me.”

               Relief sweeps through you, almost knocking your body off the seat. There had been a large possibility of Hwa opting to try to force what happened back in a box, locking it away to never speak of the phone call again.

               Hwa shifts so that his body is facing yours. Leaning forward, you bring the collar around his neck. Up this close, you can see Hwa’s eyelashes resting against his cheeks as he looks downward, too shy to meet your gaze. His scent is as familiar as ever – clean laundry with a faint touch of cinnamon. Your fingers graze the delicate skin of his neck as you clasp the collar and he shivers.

               “Do you remember a couple years ago,” You say quietly, making adjustments to the collar, “We went out drinking because we both had a terrible day for different reasons and we got incredibly drunk?”

               “I remember,” He murmurs.

               “Some woman kept winking at you from across the bar and you looked like a rabbit wanting to hide. So, I joked that your safe word during sex would be ‘carrots’.”

               He looks up at you then, momentarily confused, “I don’t follow…oh. No, I get it.” He is blushing harder now, his eyes dropping quickly. “Carrots. Got it.”

               You tilt your head back slightly, admiring the collar around Hwa’s neck. “Is that okay? Not too tight?”

               Hwa’s hand goes to his collar, running his fingers along it. The bell brushes against him and jingles very quietly. This deepens his blushing and his hand falls to his lap as he gives a small nod. He looks so shy that it overwhelms your heart. You bring your finger upwards, wiggling it between the space of the collar and his neck. Giving a small tug on it, pulling Hwa towards you, your lips graze his. He gasps quietly in surprise, eyes wide at being this close to you.

               It is strange to know what you are about to do with your best friend. A month ago, you wouldn’t have thought such a turn of events possible. Hwa has been so firmly a constant in your life that the idea of ever altering that dynamic would have previously been unthinkable. But now, close enough to him that his lips are slightly parted, cheeks warm with colour, the look in his expression a mix of trust and lust, you cannot fathom ever returning to how things used to be.

               You bring your lips against his, the kiss tentative at first. But Hwa melts like sugar, his lips parting underneath yours. Your tongue slips in his mouth as your hand moves away from his collar and down the thin fabric of his shirt. You can feel his heart racing underneath your fingertips as if a bird is trapped in his rib cage. There are a thousand different memories running through your head like a slideshow during your first kiss with Hwa: the time you were a kid and watched a graphic horror movie behind your parents’ backs and Hwa came over the next night with extra pillows to build a fort to ward off the ghosts, when you caught pneumonia and Hwa came over to take care of you, your first major breakup where Hwa didn’t care that you cried for so long that his shirt turned into a soggy mess, and how you hadn’t told him about your website not because you thought for a second he would judge you but because you felt weirdly shy telling him about it.

               Hwa had always been there, like an anchor keeping you safe against a storm. But you had taken it for granted, not realized what he meant to you until the friendship was at risk.

               Your hands grip the fabric of his shirt, balling it in between your fingers as the kiss deepens. Hwa makes a small noise in your mouth, his hands trailing to your legs, resting at the edge of your skirt but not going any farther. You know that Hwa will want to be as perfectly submissive as possible because that is just how he is…and you plan to give him everything he craves.

               When the kiss breaks, you are taken aback by how fast you are breathing. Trying to collect yourself, you release the hold on his shirt. Even the tip of his nose is pink; you didn’t think Hwa could blush as much as you have witnessed in the past couple of days.

               “The shoes,” He asks timidly, “You wore them for me?”

               You lean back, stretching out your legs so he can see the high heels better. The tent in his pants is apparent although he remains rooted to the spot, clearly waiting for direction.

               “Yes, I did. Why don’t you get on your knees in front of me so you can see them better?”

               Hwa doesn’t need to be asked twice. He falls to his knees immediately, moving in front of you. The bell makes a soft noise as he does so. He looks up at you, and when he swallows hard, the bell jingles a little.

               “May I touch you?”

               “Only my legs.”

               He nods eagerly, his fingertips grazing along your skin, stopping at your ankles. He is transfixed by your high heels, at the fact he is seeing them in real life versus just a screen. His hands glide down across the top of the heel and you shift just enough so that it rests against his thigh.

               “You want to taste my pussy?” You ask him, thinking about his messages where he used to say he would do anything to taste you.

               He nods quickly, his words catching on his fast breathing. “Y-yes, please.”

               “You think you deserve to taste me after what you did?”

               He turns a shade of crimson, speaking quickly. “I – I didn’t know it was you. I didn’t – I’m sorry, I –”

               He is stumbling over his words so much that you actually feel a little bad and decide to take pity on him. “It’s okay, Hwa. I know.” He falls silent immediately, his grip tightening on your leg as if to steady himself.

               You open your legs wide for him, lifting your skirt up so that he can see the sheer black lace underwear you have on. “But since you spent the past year talking about making me cum, you can try it. But you can only use your mouth. Any use of your hands and I’ll have to stop you. You don’t want to be spanked, do you?”

               “N-no,” He stammers out, “I don’t need my fingers,” There’s a confidence underneath the shyness that you find compelling.

               “Are you sure?” You ask, purposely dragging one finger down the front of your underwear, knowing that your pussy lips are visible, “I don’t know if you could make me feel better than my toys do.”

               Hwa makes a small whining noise as he goes, “I can. I’ll be better than your toys. I can…I can be your best toy.” He squirms slightly, clearly embarrassed.

               You leap at this. “Then I guess you’ll have to prove it, won’t you?”

               You wiggle out of your underwear, tossing it on the floor next to Hwa who barely notices. He is too busy staring at your pussy, the lust as bright as a neon sign in his eyes. You spread your legs wider for him, leaning forward to give a sharp tug on his collar, the bell jingling loudly. Hwa doesn’t hesitate, diving in between your thighs. His tongue probes your folds, moving past them to dip in your hole just to taste you.

               There is something absolutely surreal at seeing your best friend’s bright pink hair in between your legs, the bell chiming quietly as he tastes you. Hwa’s hands remain firmly next to his sides, ever focused on being as obedient as possible. Your hand goes to his hair, giving it a small tug. He groans as he eagerly laps against your cunt, his tongue moving swiftly upwards to roll against your clit. You gasp and this makes him do it again. He is pressed against your pussy as if he cannot get enough of you. You think of the late nights he spent in your chat room if you did a live stream, knowing that he would be in this room, in his own bed, jerking off to the things you were doing. Your grip tightens on his hair, driving another groan out of him.

               The bell makes tiny noises as Hwa sucks on your clit, switching between that and flicking his tongue quickly across it. Sometimes, he stops to bury his tongue in your hole just to taste you again. Some part of you wonders what everyone would say if they knew Hwa was eating your cunt like this. Would they be surprised at the situation you have toppled into? You have thought for years that you knew everything there was to know about Hwa. But no, there are still things to learn – like the way he works your clit with his tongue, and the way he is going to sound when you fuck him.

               Your breathing is ragged, your grip hard on Hwa’s hair, sometimes grinding your pussy against his face which only seems to work him up more. He is making small noises against your cunt as he sucks on your clit. Even though it takes all your willpower, you pull his face away by tugging on his hair.

               He whimpers loudly, looking up at you. “Am I – is it not good?”

               “You’re amazing. I just want to see you covered in me,” You tell him, taking in the sight of your best friend looking like this.

               Hwa fidgets a little although he keeps his hands by his side. You know that he is rock hard, desperately wanting to touch himself but you won’t allow it.

              He runs his tongue across his bottom lip and says quietly, “You taste really good.”

              “And you’ve been behaving yourself like a good boy, haven’t you? That’s why I’ll allow you to use your fingers on me now, understand?”

              His eyes light up briefly from the praise of calling him a good boy and you make a mental note. Releasing your hold on his hair, you motion for him to continue. Hwa doesn’t waste a second, popping his fingers in his mouth quickly to get them wet before positioning his index finger near your hole. He inserts it slowly, watching you take his finger, wiggling it deep inside you.

              “Put another finger inside.” You order and Hwa obeys immediately, his middle finger slipping into your wet hole.

              He pumps his fingers slowly in you, watching your pussy take them. Very softly, he murmurs, “Y-you’re really tight.”

           “That just means you need to make sure I’m ready to take your cock.”

          His breath hitches at the mention of sex. Bringing his face forward once again, he begins to rapidly flick his tongue across your clit as he fucks you with his fingers. With his fingers jammed deep in your cunt and the way he is sucking on your clit, your orgasm is quickly approaching. You cannot help but grind your hips against his face which only makes Hwa groan against your pussy. With a shudder, his name falls from your lips as you begin to climax. Your head rolls back against the love seat, eyes closed tightly as you cum. You can hear how wet you are as he fucks you with his fingers, his tongue never stopping as you climax, leaving you shivering in pleasure. Hwa doesn’t cease until your hand goes to his head and he pulls his fingers out of your hole, licking them clean as if he needs to taste more of you.

         Hwa is peering upwards, doe eyed and slightly messy looking, his fingers resting against his lips as he asks, “Was that okay?”

        “If I had known you could eat cunt like that, I would’ve asked for you to do that years ago.” You remark, standing up.

         Hwa stays on his knees. “Really?”

        “Yes, really. Think of all the years I wasted when you could have been doing that to me instead.”

               Before Hwa can reply, you remove the hoodie, tossing it to the floor. Underneath it, you are wearing just a black bra, made from the same lace material as your underwear, semi-transparent. Hwa goes silent, taking in the sight of you, swallowing hard.

               You pretend to think, “What was it that you said earlier? You want to be my best toy?”

               He nods mutely and you bring one finger to his chin, tilting his face upwards to look at you. Blushing, he says swiftly, “Yes, please. You can…you can use me to get off.”

               “Undress and lay down then.”

               Hwa stands, tugging his shirt off, exposing his well-toned stomach. You want to reach out and touch him but stop yourself, knowing that if you did that right now, he might melt like cotton candy in the rain from being too shy. Once again, he cannot look at you as he lowers his sweatpants and boxers, his hard cock springing forth. You try to hide that you are practically drooling at the sight of it. Even though Hwa has just gotten you off, you are already turned on at the sight of him naked in front of you.

               “Uhm,” He says, “I was hoping…I was wondering…if you would keep the heels on.” The last part of the sentence is so rushed that if you weren’t already used to how Hwa talks when he is flustered, you wouldn’t have caught it.

               You take a step towards him, his stiff cock pressing against your thigh. Goosebumps break out against his skin at the touch, his hand reflexively going to your waist, lingering on your hip.

               “You want me to fuck you in my heels, Hwa?” You ask in a low voice, bringing your lips to his ear.

               “Y-yes please.”

               “Can toys make requests?” You wonder aloud, dragging it out just to work him up more.

               “Please,” His voice is breathy, his words tumbling from his lips quickly, “Please.”

               “Give me one of your belts and I’ll think about it.” You pull away.

               Confusion and interest cross his features as he turns around and rummages through the drawer. You fight the urge to smack his ass only because it would startle him and when he hands him the belt, you point to the bed.

               “Come on, lay down.”

               Hwa lays on his back, his hand reaching for his cock until he sees your expression, and hastily drops back to his side, letting out a tiny whimper. You go over to the bed, wrapping the belt around his wrists, taking his hands and pinning them above his head, looping the rest of the belt around the bed frame. Hwa is breathing quickly but no safe word leaves his lips and you swear that his cock twitches once he is fully secured.

               “Now, you said you were going to be my toy and that’s what you’re going to be,” You say in a matter of fact tone, “But I suppose since you’ve been behaving yourself, I can leave the heels on.”

               “Oh, thank you, thank you.” He says quickly, tugging on the belt just to see how tight it is around his hands.

               You straddle him, his cock buried between your folds. Your hands go to his stomach, pressing against the hard muscles. “You can’t move your hips at all, understand? You’re a toy so that means I’m going to fuck you like one.”

               “I understand,” His voice is taunt, chest rising and falling rapidly, the collar shining prettily against his neck.

               Taking hold of Hwa’s cock to guide it inside your cunt, you exhale slowly, sinking down on him. He fills you up completely as inch by inch of him stuffs your hole. Hwa grunts, clearly trying to fight the urge to move his hips. Once he is fully inside your pussy, you rock your hips, getting used to your best friend buried in you.

               “Is this what you like, Hwa? Me using you as if you’re my own personal dildo?” You have yet to start bouncing on him, grinding downwards instead, enjoying the tiny noises he emits at each movement of your hips.

               “Y-yes, please, use me until you cum.” Hwa pleads, “Please.”

               You start to ride his cock, your hands still pressing on his stomach to steady yourself, taking him all the way inside when you bring your hips downward. Hwa’s eyes close tightly, the bell jingling with each bounce on his cock. Since he knows he cannot move his hips, he takes to tugging on the belt instead, his bottom lip trembling.

               You start thinking about Hwa watching you do this on a dildo and the fact he got off to it so many times. It spurns you on, making each bounce harder, unable to keep silent as you fuck your best friend. His cock is the perfect size for your cunt; you like how stuffed full of Hwa you are. With each jerk of your hips, he moans and it drives you insane.

               The only sound is of moaning and your hips smacking against Hwa as you ride him. Hwa’s eyes flutter open and he looks downward to watch, tugging on the belt hard to stop himself from bucking his hips. He bites down on his bottom lip, his breathing ragged.

               “You’re doing such a good job,” You tell him, your voice uneven from taking his cock, “You’re such a good toy, Hwa.”

               “T-thank you,” He gasps, ceasing his tugging on the belt, trying to go still to get more compliments.

               “You’re doing such a good job that if you keep it up, I’ll let you finish in me once I’m done.”

               Hwa lets out a small whine, quickly saying, “Please, I’ll fill you up, I promise.”

               “You get off on that?”

               He nods, one lock of pink hair falling to frame his face, the bell chiming loudly as you sink down onto his cock. He is clearly too shy to respond but just him admitting it is enough to have your finger move to your clit, rubbing it as you drive his cock deep into your cunt.

               His breath hitches, eyes closing once again. He looks too good like that, with the belt looped around his wrists and his slender frame underneath you, pink hair a mess, cheeks bright with colour. You know Hwa very well and can tell by the noises he is making and the expression on his face that his head is pleasantly empty just how he wanted. That is what you wished to give him, after all, and you love knowing that you are doing it properly.

               The sound of the bell jingling is driving you crazy. Each thrust downwards makes it chime more and mingled with Hwa’s moaning and your finger against your clit, you are close to climaxing once again. Hwa, who has been aching for release since the events started, is very clearly trying to hold back from moving his hips. His lips are parted slightly, gasping with each movement.

               “Hwa, I’m gonna cum,” You say breathlessly, “Be a good boy and remain still. Your cock is just my dildo, don’t forget that.”

               He grits his teeth for a moment, tugging on the belt with a groan. “I’m not forgetting. I’ll be good.”

               “You always are, aren’t you? Don’t disappoint me now.” You manage to say before your second climax of the night begins.

               You stop bouncing, your thighs shaking as you cum. Your pussy clenches down around Hwa’s cock as your climax rolls through you, a warm wave of pleasure as you moan Hwa’s name. He whimpers and then cracks, the words escaping from his lips in an explosion of saccharine candy falling and being scattered across the floor, sounding as sweet as he is.

               “P-please, let me cum, I can’t – I can’t hold back, please.” He moans, the bell jingling loudly from the sharp yank he gives the belt.

               “You can cum in me,” You reply, coming down from your orgasm, knowing how badly Hwa needs to finish.

               He doesn’t need any more prompting. Quickly, he arches his hips, ramming his cock deep inside you. With a loud moan, he begins to climax, his cum spilling in your cunt. You can feel how much of it there is and how it fills you completely. Hwa’s head is rolled back, eyes closed, body still as he empties his balls. When he is finished, you slide off his lap but Hwa’s eyes open and he peers down at you.

               “What?” You ask, your legs a bit stiff from the position. You can tell by the look on his face that he wants to ask something but is shy. You lean forward a little and poke his stomach. “What is it, Hwa? I know there’s something perverted fluttering around in that polite head of yours.”

               This only deepens the intense shade of pink his cheeks have become. He inhales sharply and goes, “May I clean you?”

               Hwa wanting to eat his own load out of your cunt is a little surprising but you love it. Leaning forward to remove the belt, he wiggles, shaking his head and you stop.

               “No, I mean…ah…will you sit on my face? Leave me like this and let me clean you.”

               “Oh, I get it, you’re gonna be a good toy and eat my cunt afterwards. I guess I can do that for you, Hwa, after all you’ve done for me.”

               Too flustered to respond, he merely nods. You position yourself over him, holding onto the headboard as you lower your pussy against his face. Hwa groans immediately, and you can feel his tongue go as deep in your hole as possible. He begins to eat his cum out of your cunt, obscene slurping noises mixed with his moaning filling the air. There is a secret thrill in looking downward and only seeing the shock of his bright pink hair, his fingers curled around the belt as he works your cunt over with his tongue. He avoids your clit, knowing at this point it will be extra sensitive.

               Once he is finished, you slide off him. His face is a sticky mess, lips pink like cherry blossoms. Now, you lean over and free his hands from the constraints of the belt. He winces slightly as he works out the stiffness in his fingers, propping himself up a little.

               “You know, I can’t believe you let me wear the heels into the bed.” You remark conversationally, as if the two of you hadn’t just fucked.

               “Oh, don’t worry, I’m cleaning the sheets tomorrow.” Hwa replies, watching as you kick the heels off onto the floor and get under the covers.

               You glance over at him and say with a sigh, “Oh, just go and clean your face, Hwa, I won’t be offended.”

               He looks relieved, “Thank you.”

               You watch him scamper off into the bathroom, the door closing and the sound of running water turning on. Hwa is nothing if but fastidious. By the time he returns, you are already drifting off to sleep. You can hear him turn the lamp off, the sound of the bell on the collar he has left on and gets into bed, laying next to you. There is an awkward energy from him as if he doesn’t know what position to sleep in.

               “Hwa, I’m cold.” You mumble into the pillow.

               You aren’t actually cold but it gives Hwa a way to make a choice – he can either toss another blanket at you or use this as an excuse to move closer. This is a moment that is similar to when you offered him the collar. You don’t know what he will pick but you secretly hope it will be to move closer.

               To your relief, the bed shifts, and Hwa’s arms come to curl around your waist, pulling your back against his chest. You can hear his quiet breathing against your neck, the soft weight of his hands on your hips. It is surprising how normal it feels to be like this with him.

               “Better?” He whispers.

               “Much.”

               It doesn’t take long to fall asleep with Hwa curled up against you like that.

*

               In the morning, it takes you a few seconds to remember that you aren’t at your own place but Hwa’s. Sunlight is poking through the blinds and the clock on the night table says it is a little past eight. Propping yourself up, you realize what is missing – the steady comfort of Hwa against your body.

               Looking behind you, Hwa’s spot is empty, the covers having been kicked back. You wonder if waking up next to you made reality crash in too hard and he scampered off somewhere. To your surprise, you can feel anxiety blossoming in your chest. You had thought everything got sorted out last night. Maybe Hwa is having second thoughts.

               You get out of bed, picking your underwear off the floor and yanking the hoodie back on over your head. Then you pad out into the living room to find Hwa.

               And you do find him. He is in the kitchen, engrossed in making breakfast. His Bluetooth speaker is quietly playing music and he doesn’t hear you come into the room. His hair is wet from showering, wearing an oversized long sleeved black shirt and the same sweatpants as the night before.

               “Hwa.”

               Startled, he jumps, looking over his shoulder and relaxing. “Hey, you’re awake. Did I wake you up? I was trying to be quiet.”

               “No, you didn’t wake me up. I was wondering where you were.”

               “I have work in a couple hours but I thought I could make you breakfast. I mean, if you’re hungry. Maybe I should have asked first.” His brow furrows, a sign he is about to veer into overthinking.

               “No, I’m hungry. Thanks.” Your stomach grumbles at the scent of food, “What are you making?”

               Hwa looks sheepish, “French toast.”

               “Oh good, nothing like a pound of sugar in the morning.” You reply, going over to his coffee machine and turning it on.

               Hwa walks over to you, his arms wrapping around your waist in a similar way to last night, pulling you back against him. His chin rests on your shoulder. The motion gives you butterflies. He then leans forward a little, leaving a small kiss on the nape of your neck.

               “So, I guess we aren’t friends anymore.” He says.

               “That’s right. Friendship is officially over.” You tease.

               “Hm, I think I can live with that since I now have a girlfriend.”

               You are fighting off a smile but Hwa must sense it because he kisses your cheek. You tilt your face back to look at him, his eyes open and honest, eyes you have known since you were just a kid, the face of someone you trust completely, and want to give the world to.

               Then you bring your face forward, kissing him lightly, tasting the faint hint of vanilla on his lips before it deepens into something filled with promise – the start of something wonderful that began in the most unusual way possible.