Chapter Text
She sat on the couch laughing with her mum, watching the slightly wine drunk woman on the phone with the wine distributor putting in an order, they listen to a voicemail from the school asking why she was absent that day. The red headed girl begs her mother not to tell her father between gasping laughs. He watches the buzzing and joyful atmosphere from the door as they sit at the table having afternoon tea in the glorious afternoon light, she turns to look at him and smiles, it’s the most bright, stunning smile that he has ever seen, time stops and then he raises his gun and shoots her. The bullet hits her right in the middle of the chest sending her tumbling off the chair and onto the floor, the older woman screaming her daughters name before she is gunned down by the team behind him, the haunting scream echoing in his head, Kira.
He doesn’t even blink though grabbing the limp body and dragging it out of the house, rolling it down the stairs, dragging it through the dirt, across the yard to a lookout, he dumps the body before Jeanine who stands next to an identical girl. She has the same face but is dressed in Amity clothes instead of Dauntless blacks, she smiles at him but it’s not the same, it’s not bright and breathtaking, it doesn’t make time stop or make him shiver, he feels nothing, then Jeanine shoots her in the head. Her body drops to the ground and he sees red, “where is she!” he screams following his boss into a lift which takes them up to the snipers nest lookout, the woman is unfazed, her face cold and robotic, “You did a good job Eric, you should be proud, getting rid of that divergent scum”. “Where is Kira, that was just a clone, where is Kira, you said she was safe” he growls annoyed, then a unnerving grin as Jeanine responds “she was safe, but you found her”, no, no he didn’t just, did he, “WHERE IS KIRA!” he screams tired of the games. “Laying down there in the dirt with a bullet in her chest” the woman say smugly walking forward and it’s like a punch to the gut, he killed her, how could he have not realised, “I think you should join her don’t you” Jeanine says smugly. And then he is stumbling backwards as she pushes him out the window, gravity taking effect as he falls, plummets downward, all he can think is how sorry he is, he hopes with all he has that he dies, he can’t live with the fact that he killed the love of his life, his Kira.
Eric shoots up in bed panting, covered in sweat, tears damp on his cheeks, “Kira!” he calls out panicked, nothing the bed is empty, the apartment is dead quiet, “KIRA!” he yells ignoring his phone alarm blaring, ignoring the banging on the door, it takes him a second to come back to himself. Deep breaths and he’s back to his usual self, he slams the button on his phone, “just a fucking dream” he grumbles as he pulls on some sweats and makes his way through the apartment, he rubs his face as he throws open the door. “Well you look like shit” Four says as they scowl at each other, “what the fuck do you want” “we were meant to meet to discuss the training of the initiates at nine” Four states, “it’s almost eleven”, “whatever numbers, I’ll meet you downstairs” Eric retorts slamming the door. “What the fuck” he mutter walking back to his room, two hours, his alarm had been going off for over two hours, he quickly changes and goes down to the training room, he wants to spar, he climbs straight into the ring a Four raises an eyebrow but follows.
His mind is foggy, he is too distracted by images of the gorgeous red headed girl that he doesn’t properly block and Four’s fist flies into the side of his jaw, then again, and again, and again, he is getting pummelled but just can’t bring himself to fight, head, gut, ribs. Eric manages to shove Four off but it’s only momentary as he stumbles up breathless, “are you ok” Four asks, “I’m Fine” Eric hisses, “you done, can we get to planning now” Four asks and Eric nods catching his breath, he is back to his normal, grumpy, snarling self in no time. He doesn’t have time for this, to be distracted by a stupid dream, initiates are here in a week, the day does smoothly and he eats dinner in the cafeteria alone like usual, goes for a late run, a quick patrol of the building before up to an empty apartment. Shower then collapse in bed, Eric lays there in the dark, it’s so quiet, he just needs to rest, setting his alarm louder and leaving the blinds open he closes his eyes and as he drifts off he has the oddest feeling then he is back there again.
He’s back up in that treehouse, that snipers nest screaming at Jeanine, screaming threats fulled by anger and betrayal, then he’s falling, fast, plummeting to the ground, slamming down so hard it leaves a crater where he lands, breath gone, vision blurry, ribs broken. Everything hurts, it feels so real, the pain, the dirt, the taste of blood in his mouth, his brain screaming at him to get up, so he does, he slumps up one potentially broken arm wrapped around his wheezing chest, then he sees her and it’s like dying all over again. Her sun kissed hair splayed out like a halo, eyes blank and glazed as she lays there not breathing, not moving, gone, no life left in this husk of a body as he cradles it and sobs, how could he have done this, everything felt so robotic an emotionless.
He rocks her and begs for forgiveness, pressing kisses to her skin “Kira, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” he sobs, he screams into her skin in agony, his angel, she gave him so much, she was his everything and he did this, it should be him laying dead in the dirt he thinks brushing hair from her face. She’s not cold yet and his fingers come out of her hair wet and bloody making him frown in confusion, this isn’t Kira, it’s the copy, she is wearing dauntless blacks but this one has a bullet in the head, he looks around and a guard lays dead partly hidden in the bushes. Further along there is another, did she swap clothes and escape, a flicker of yellow in his peripheral vision makes him jerk around and catch a glimpse of her running away, being pulled into the house by a guard and then she is gone but he won’t loose her. As he stalks towards the house he knows if he lives, he’ll never leave her, never put anything above her again, all that time he spent hating four for loving that stiff now he has truely experienced it, the love, hate, the fear, and he choose to remain loyal to his job instead of run away with her. Bullets come raining down and the sound is deafening, screeching into him, he turns away and is blinded by spot lights, then nothing no sound, no solid ground beneath him, is he dead, will he ever see her again, “wake up” a voice whispers.
Eric shoots up in bed panting and covered in sweat, he checks his leg and there is no blood no bullet, it felt so real, it still hurts, but it was a dream, another dream, he groans and hauls himself to the bathroom, at least he woke up this time. The early morning run and following ice cold shower clears his head and he follows the same routine, getting in the ring with Four who asks him if he is sure, he manages to fight better today but it’s obvious he is not at his peak. The day is slow, meetings and planning, there is a request for a meeting from Jeanine but Eric doesn’t think he has the nerve to see her at the moment, it’s stupid, a dream, a fucking dream is influencing his decisions, he’ll see her tomorrow. The routine continues paperwork, mission planning, dinner at the canteen, late night run, he pauses at his apartment door unsure before he growls to himself, “this is stupid it’s just a fucking dream” he huffs going inside, dark and quiet, like always, there is no change. He showers for too long, walks around the apartment, delaying the inevitable, “it’s just a fucking dream, some fucking girl, you don’t know her, it’s a dream” he says to himself, what has life come to, a pep talk is needed for bed.
He’s running through the trees gun raised, its a war zone but he won’t loose her, he won’t leave her helpless, “hold on baby, I’m coming for you” he says, gunshots come from the house and he runs faster, three quick shots and guards lay dead on the veranda. Another comes out of nowhere and after a quick struggle he breaks their neck, it’s odd that more men don’t rush from the house, it’s quiet, so quiet, crouching low he creeps into the house, he’s ready for a fight what he is not ready for is the massacre that lays waiting for him. Dead, they’re all dead, blood pooled and coating the floor, dripping off the walls, blood everywhere, there is just so much he almost slips on it, it’s a death house, throats slit, torsos slashed, mangled limbs and stab wounds, not a soul still breathing, what the fuck happened in this house. “Kira” he calls out his voice cracking, the sickening wet squelch of blood beneath his boots as he creeps through the house, clearing it room by eerie room only finding more death, more bodies, the wet floorboards creak beneath his steady steps till he finds a closed door.
He presses his ear to the door to hear quiet, stifled sobs, the sound of a gun slowly clicking, “Kira baby” he says twisting the handle, she screams and fires the gun, over and over, the wood splinters and bullets fly as he stands back, then clicking its empty. As he open the door she keeps firing, the gun clicking every time due to lack of bullets, she sobs, propped up against the wall, blood pooling from her side, she screams curses and tries to bat him away and he rushes forward to put presure on the wound. His head jerks right as she slaps him and he stares confused at the pillows on his bed, he turns back expecting to see the ceiling, to be awake but he is back crouched in front of her but he feels more alert before. “you shot me, you killed me, you were meant to love me” she screams pounding on his chest and it’s just the two of them in the room as she screams at him, eyes full of anger, “you didn’t even hesitate” she says her screams turning to sobs, then whispers, “I thought you loved me”.
She lays there dying in a pool of blood as he desperately tries to keep her alive, “don’t leave me Kira, don’t you dare leave me”, it’s like a fucking fear simulation and its terrifying, nothing he has experienced comes close to this, then something in him awakens, something clicks. “It’s not real” he whispers and then he is watching her scream again but this time it’s not anger in her eyes but fear, eyes full of fear as she screams his name, air bubbling from her lungs as she drowns and desperately claws at the glass, “It’s Not Real” he growls pounding on the glass. Then she is beneath him in the bed as he cages her in, her eyes full of pain as he holds a gun to her head and rapes her, “IT’S NOT REAL” he roars and it’s quiet, he stands at a distance watching the procession, her eyes brimming with tears, eyes full of sadness. “I told you to leave Jeanine you stupid man” she whispers, as he gets closer he sees himself in the coffin, bullet in the head, it’s his funeral, she stands there sobbing, heavily pregnant, Four rubbing her arms and her collapsing into him, another man holding her close as she morns him.
When he wakes it’s slow, no shooting up gasping, he wants to cry over what he just saw, the room is still dark and he lays on his back until he hears something, the soft padding of bare feet on cold tiles, the bed bounces and then she is on top of him. She smiles down at him and it’s dazzling, time stops and he has never seen anything more beautiful, “did you miss me” she whispers still smiling and he can’t help but wind his hand around the back of her head and pull her down, her lips on his, this kiss is world ending. It’s soft and it’s bruising, it all teeth as she laughs and her elbow digs into his ribs and it’s perfect, it’s soo perfect, he never wants to leave this bed, her lips move, she kisses his cheek, makes her way along his jaw and down his throat, to his collar bone. She kisses and nibbles, sucking a mark into the skin and the dainty hand wraps around him and starts to pump as he groans her name, he’s close, he is so close, “Kira please” he begs but she stops kissing, that dazzling smile filling his vision, “times up” she whispers.
Eric’s eyes open and he doesn’t want to move, the pressure from her body on his slowly fading away, his hand quickly shoots into his boxes and he closes his eyes, pumping desperately as her hands, her lips ghost along his body as his back arches chasing the pleasure. And then he is spilling into his hand, panting roughly but he needs more he isn’t done yet, “shower” he says aloud giving himself a quick wipe with his boxers and stumbling across the room, the water is too hot but she’s there, laughing at him as he scrunches his eyes shut. “I need to goooo” she laughs, he can feel her, he can hear her, a gorgeous smile and a stunning soapy body pinned the the wall, nails ghosting over his skin, “god how are you so beautiful” he groans getting close again, her lips on his throat then she is gone. There is something different about his room and it takes awhile to notice, he has three pot plants, he always struggles to keep them alive, but this morning they are as alive as him, vibrant green and healthy but to his amazement, brimming in brightly coloured flowers. He feels so good as he jogs around the base, almost a skip in his step and smile on his face, almost, that wouldn’t be professional, Four falls into step face equally as blank until he takes one look at Eric and smirks, “what” Eric hisses, “you look like you got laid last night”.