Archive of Our Own

Here you sit on the couch in Rin’s hotel room. Across from you sits Rin on the bed. He sips his refilled cup of oolong while you nurse your cup of orange juice, no words shared between the two of you, both of you presumably reflecting on the whirlwind of events from the past fifteen minutes: Rin admitting he returns your feelings and the two of you kissing for the first time. While making out, Rin somehow ended up on your lap, his thighs straddling your hips. But without explanation, he pulled away before anything went too far, retrieving his cup, refilling it with tea, and then sitting down on the bed where he sits now. 

You didn’t ask, retrieving your own unfinished cup of juice and sitting back down on the couch to finish it. With only today and tomorrow with the both of you in Tokyo before you return home and he flies back to Australia, there is a short window of time where the two of you are here. You can’t read Rin's mind, but clearly there’s something making him nervous and hesitant, and you want to prod at that and investigate.

He avoids your eyes, eyes down on the cup of tea in his hand. You watch him, trying to gauge what his expression means, and go to take a sip of your juice. With your attention solely on him, you misjudge the distance between the rim of the cup and your mouth, accidentally dumping orange juice down the front of your shirt. 

“Shit,” you say, sitting up, but the damage is done: your chest is soaked, the blue fabric of your t-shirt darkened and damp. 

Rin snorts. “Nice.” 

You ignore him in a futile attempt to cling to any dignity. “Whatever.” You grab the neck of the shirt and pull it off, gently laying it out flat to dry on the arm of the couch. “Probably best to let it air out, anyways.”

“Ugh,” Rin says, making a face, eyes flickering down your bare torso. 

“What?” You rest an arm on the back of the couch. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen a million times in practice already.” 

“Nothing.” He pointedly looks away and drinks his tea. You notice his index finger lightly tapping the side of the cup, an immediate tell he’s ruminating on something.

For now, you let him work through it on his own time, and for something to do, you fish out his black baseball cap left forgotten on the couch and try to put it on. It doesn’t fit.

“Jeez, how small is your head?” you ask, fiddling with the back strap until it’s loosened. You slip the cap on. “Guess I just have a much bigger brain than you do.” 

“I saw your grades last year of high school. We both know that’s not true.” 

“Maybe I was the smart one for not wasting my time trying to get perfect grades in every subject, have you considered that?”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.” 

You both fall silent again. Rin slowly drains the rest of his tea. 

“You know,” you say, breaking the silence again, wanting to prod him a little. “It’s a good thing my surgery was scheduled when it was, because it would’ve sucked if I was still on the meds. I couldn’t get hard at all because of them for a whole week.”

A mishmash of emotions flashes across Rin’s face in the couple of seconds before he responds—amusement, annoyance, and something else. Carefully, he says, “Uh huh. That must’ve been very difficult for you in particular.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You jack off all the time, is what that means.”

You pull off the cap and let it fall to your side. “How would you know that?” 

Rin rolls his eyes, placing the empty cup beside him on the bed. “I did live in the same room as you for an entire year.” 

“Yeah, but—I never did anything while you were in the room.” 

“Oh, come on. Do you know how many times I’d come back to the room and you’d be up on the top bunk, trying to pretend you were just sleeping when you obviously were occupied with something else seconds before I walked in?” 

Horror washes over you. “You noticed?” 

“I’m not an idiot. I also saw the used condoms and wrappers in your trash sometimes. I knew you weren’t bringing anyone else in there, so what else could you be doing? I do appreciate you trying to keep it clean, but still.” 

You run your hands down your face, the mortification pressing in on you. “You should’ve told me. This whole time I thought you never noticed.” 

“What the hell was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, Sousuke, I noticed you’ve been jacking off in the room a lot. Just thought I’d let you know?’ No way. Anyway, it’s not like you did it while I was in the room, so it’s not like it was disturbing me or anything.” 

“Okay, but I never noticed anything from you. How’d you avoid me ever seeing anything?”

“Ah…” Rin smiles, wryly. “That’s because I took care of things in the shower.” 

“Oh, so that’s why your showers took forever. Here I thought you were just primping and preening in there. That’s a huge waste of water, you know.”

“You’re a huge waste of water,” Rin grumbles, folding his arms. “I started doing that in the shower after a particularly bad experience the year before, where Ai came back from class early, and…” He shudders. “Anyways, I didn’t want that to happen again. And especially not with you.” 

“Why especially not with me?” 

Rin looks aside. Churlishly, he mumbles, “You know why.” 

You smirk. “I don’t. That’s why I’m asking.” 

Still avoiding eye contact, Rin twists his lips. “Because. I was into you, that’s why.” He shoots you a glare. “Happy?” 

“Almost. Past tense?”

“I just told you I love you twenty minutes ago. Obviously I’m still into you.”

“Just had to check.”

Silence again. Without the tea to occupy him now, Rin bounces his leg. After a long moment, his eyes raise to you, and there’s a glimmer of bashfulness hidden under layers of bravado and snark. 

“What’d you think about?” he asks. “All those times you jacked off in the room.” 

“What did I think about? I don’t know, lots of different things.” You pause for a breath. “You, a lot of the time.” 

Rin doesn’t immediately respond, processing your answer. “What about me?”

“Everything. Things I wanted you to do for me. Things I wanted to do to you.” 

“Hm.”

“Actually, I…” You scratch the side of your neck. “I guess now is as good a time as any to admit this. All the times you almost caught me? I was kind of…into that.”

“Oh, of course.” Rin shakes his head, looking amused. “You’re such a freak.” 

“Yeah,” you say, not bothering to deny it. “I mean, I obviously never continued while you were also in the room, but…”

“Hm. If only I’d known how much you were suffering because of me…” 

“All right, all right. What’d you think about, then? All those times in the shower.” 

Rin tilts his head to think it over. “Hm, I guess about the same. Mostly you. I, ah…I actually did think about if I jerked off in the room and you found me. I would never attempt it in reality, but…” 

“Huh. Guess we’re both freaks.”

“Guess so.” 

You hold each other’s gaze, the atmosphere of the room buzzing with energy. 

“Sousuke?” Rin finally says. 

“Yeah?”

“I want you to fuck me.” 

Your stomach flips. “Oh,” you say. “Wait, are you sure? You’ve already confessed your feelings and had your first kiss today. Losing your virginity on top of all that is a lot for one day. We don’t have to rush things if you’re not ready.” 

“I don’t want to waste any time with you.” 

You say nothing for a moment, bowled over by the gravity of his tone. “Okay, if that’s what you want. I just want to make sure.”

“That’s what you want too, right?”

“Well, yeah, but I’m just saying—We don’t have to go all the way yet. I mean, wouldn’t you need time to, uh, prep for your end of things? Stretching, and all?”

“Ah, that…won’t be an issue.” Rin brushes back a lock of his hair. “I, um…I’ve been using dildos on myself for a while now, so.”

“Oh.” Unwittingly, images spring to mind of Rin sprawled in various lewd positions. Your cock pulses in interest. “You’re gonna have to show me that sometime.” 

Rin’s face flushes. “Shut up, you freak,” he says. 

You laugh. “Okay, but we still would have to get other supplies, though.” 

Rin holds up a finger, stands from the bed, and crouches down at one of his duffel bags sitting on the floor. He unzips a tiny compartment at the back of the bag and withdraws three condom packages and a small bottle of lube to demonstrate to you. “You were saying?”

“Do you just carry those with you everywhere? Not very virginal of you.”

 “Virgins like to be prepared too, you know,” he says, standing and placing the condoms and lube on the bed. He sits down beside them and leans back into his arms, brow arched. “In case the opportunity arises.”

You both sit there, staring at each other, the silence weighing heavily on your shoulders. Your stomach twists and turns as you think it over. 

“Okay, fine,” you finally say. You stand up, approach the bed, and lean down to kiss him roughly. 

He meets you, immediately melting into the kiss, and slowly leans back, letting you press him flat to the bed. Your hands cage in his head on either side, while his hands roam the expanse of your bare chest and back, feverishly grabbing at whatever he can touch. His hand accidentally grazes the surgery scar on your shoulder and you flinch. 

“Sorry,” Rin says, immediately pulling his hand back. “Does that hurt?” 

You shake your head. “No. Just ticklish.” 

“Hm.” His eyes stretch over the scar, a thoughtful look on his face. “This is the first I’ve gotten to see it.” 

“It’s not that exciting. Be glad it’s healed, it looked rough for a while there. Crusted pus and blood.”

Rin grimaces. “Ew. Why would you tell me that right now? ”

“I’m just saying so you’re grateful that you never had to see that.”

“Okay, I’m grateful. Whatever, can we please stop talking about that?”

“Gladly,” you say, kissing him. 

You make out there on the bed for a few minutes. Carefully, you slide your knee in between Rin’s legs and press. Rin makes a strained noise, arching off of the bed slightly to grind into your knee. 

Breaking the kiss, you move down to Rin’s neck, kissing his skin as your fingers find the top button of his shirt. One by one, you undo the buttons without taking your mouth from his neck. You pull back once the shirt is fully unbuttoned and soak in the image of him underneath you: hair splattered against the white of the bedspread, face flushed, unbuttoned shirt hanging off his sides, bare torso fully on display. 

“Fuck, you look so good like this,” you say.

Rin’s mouth twitches into a half smile. “Stop staring and do something about it.” 

“All in good time.” Without warning, you dig your knee a little harder into his dick. He groans. 

“Sousuke,” he complains, a little petulantly. 

“Someone’s impatient.” You lean back down and resume marking up his neck, mouth gradually drifting down to his shoulders and chest. 

After a few minutes, you begin to notice a slight tremor in your right arm. You ignore it at first, but it doesn’t go away, gradually growing stronger. 

You sit back and shake your arm out. “Actually, uh, Rin?” you say, hating the hesitation in your voice. “I probably shouldn’t put too much body weight on my shoulder. I haven’t worked up to that yet.”

“Yeah, of course,” Rin says, leaning back on his elbows. “Don’t push yourself.” 

“Sorry.” 

He lightly whacks your good arm with the back or his hand. “Don’t apologize.” He presses his lips together. “I could, um. Ride you. If you want.” 

Your body answers for you, your mind going blank as heat pools in the pit of your stomach. “Yeah, okay. If that’s not too much for you.” 

“You’re the one with the injury, not me. And it’s not like I have any competitions to swim in tomorrow.”

“I didn’t mean physically. I meant—Well, since this is your first time and all…”

“I want to.” Rin cups your face and kisses you. He lingers there a moment, thumb stroking your cheek, his nose almost grazing yours. “Okay?” 

“…Okay.”

You reverse your position, him now on top of you, gradually discarding your clothes. You’ve seen him naked before, since you’ve roomed together and spent many times sharing a locker room, but it’s different now that he’s right here, on top of you, his skin pressed up against yours. You observe him, but he keeps his eyes down on his hand, steadily jacking you off. You get fully hard in no time with him on your lap doing the work, so he quickly reaches away to pick up the lube and one of the condom wrappers. 

“Do you want help?” you ask, watching him uncap the lube and begin to finger himself. 

Rin shakes his head. “No, I got it,” he says in a strange voice. He frowns in concentration, leaving you there to lie completely useless as he prepares himself. 

“Okay, I’m good,” he eventually says. He lets you unwrap the condom and put it on, then in no time, he’s sliding onto your cock. 

You feel a little insane simply by virtue of actually being inside him, but it’s a little awkward and the rhythm unsteady, Rin visibly tense. He looks distracted, consumed by his thoughts, eyes blankly fixated on your chest. 

A moment or so passes before you ask, “Are you okay?” 

He blinks, returning to the present. He nods quickly. “Yeah.”

He continues, still tense and disconnected, brow furrowed in concentration. You can barely appreciate the sensation of him on your dick with how suddenly strained and lopsided the atmosphere between you feels.

“Rin, are you sure you’re okay?”

Rin slows and stops. He stares down shamefully at your stomach, loose hair hanging around his face and partially obscuring his expression. “Actually, um,” he says, quietly. “Can we stop?” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

He pulls off of you and sinks to the bed beside you, grabbing one of the pillows and hugging it to himself. You sneak a glimpse at him in concern, then sit up to pull the condom off your dick. With a sigh, you lie back down, head on one of the other pillows. 

“Sorry,” Rin says, uncharacteristically meek. The pillow he’s hugging covers the lower half of his face, so you can only see his eyes, unfocused and clouded. “I thought—I genuinely do want to, I just—”

“There’s nothing you need to apologize for,” you say. “It’s fine.” 

Rin’s arm curls tighter around the pillow. 

The two of you lie there in silence for a few minutes. Somehow, your boner is not deterred, drooping only a little. 

With an inhale, Rin sits up and scoots to sit with his back to the headboard. “Sorry to leave you hanging like that,” he says, nodding at your dick and sounding a bit more like himself. 

“I’ll live.” 

Rin doesn’t laugh. 

You rack your brain for something to say to dig Rin out of this funk. The best you can come up with is, “Do you want to go get food or something?”

Rin thinks about it a second, then nods. “Okay.”

“Cool. I’ll go take care of this, then,” you say, gesturing to your boner and absolving him of any responsibility. “Don’t want to walk around outside like this.” 

You head off to the bathroom and shut the door behind you. You face the mirror and brace yourself against the sink to fuck your fist. You come in an embarrassingly short amount of time with the sensation of Rin’s skin against yours fresh in your memory. Once it’s over, you clean up, wash your hands, and return to the main room to find Rin slipping into his clothes. Without saying anything to him, you pick up the pieces of your own clothes and put them back on, not commenting on your pathetically short stint in the bathroom.

When you’re both dressed, you leave Rin’s hotel room and head to the ground floor. As you take to the sidewalk outside and begin walking around, you speak little other than discussing where to eat. Though a bit recovered, Rin is still quieter and more subdued than usual, and you don’t push him, instead allowing the silence to build between you in spite of the awkwardness. 

You end up settling at a curry place in the basement of a building, the space dark and smoky, oddly with a disco ball hanging overhead. You and Rin sit opposite each other and consult the menus, at least now with something to occupy you. 

You get water, order, then stew in the unfiltered, unabated discomfort. Thankfully, it’s not entirely silent the whole time you wait: you exchange surface level observations about mundane, easy topics. Ordinarily, you’d have no patience for tiptoeing around an issue and neither would Rin, but this feels different, more delicate. Somehow, you know that you have to let Rin come to you on his own terms. This is uncharted territory between you, after all.

Your food arrives and you begin eating. You forgot how long it’s been since lunch, and your mood immediately picks up with some food in your system. The two of you don’t speak for the first few minutes you eat. Around you, the other tables are raucous and noisy, loud enough for you to feel like you could talk about any subject and no one would hear or pay any attention. 

Rin swallows a mouthful and sits up straight. “Sorry,” he says. “For before.” 

“I already said you don’t need to apologize.” 

“I know, but I—I just have so little time in Japan, I didn’t want to wait for anything.”

“I know. I feel that too. But you can’t force yourself to be ready on a schedule.” 

Glumly, Rin mumbles, “I thought I would be fine.” Resting his chin in his hand, he prods at his rice. “Part of me was worried that I would be…bad.” 

You almost laugh. “Bad?”

“Well, yeah. You’re so much more experienced than I am, so I thought…I don’t know, I got nervous. I didn’t want to be disappointing in comparison.” 

“Rin,” you say, disbelievingly. “I was nervous too. I am nervous.” 

“You are?”

“Of course I am, dumbass. I feel a lot of pressure because it’s your first time. My first time was bad, and I don’t want that for you. And maybe I technically have more experience than you, but this is all new for me too. Because it’s you.”

Rin takes a bite of food and mulls it over.

“And look,” you continue, “I guarantee I’m not nearly as experienced as you think I am.”

“Okay, well, you’ve already had, what, three girlfriends? And I don’t know what you’ve done outside of that.” 

“Yeah, but two of those girlfriends were in middle school. I didn’t do anything with them.” You lean forward, resting your elbow on the table. “Look, I can just tell you everything I’ve done, if it makes you feel better to know for sure.”

“You don’t have to.” 

You shrug. “I don’t care. I lost my virginity with my high school girlfriend. As I said, it was pretty bad, mostly because we were both fifteen and had no idea what we were doing. And we never were that compatible in the first place. We only dated for about three months so we didn’t do much aside from that, and then after we broke up, I occasionally did some stuff with this one guy I had a class with. We didn’t officially date or anything, and we never did anything past handjobs and blowjobs. And that’s it. I transferred to Samezuka, and I haven’t done anything with anyone since.” You clear your throat. “Or, I hadn’t, until today.” 

“Why haven’t you done anything for that long?” 

“You know why.” 

Rin’s mouth twitches as if overriding the impulse to smile. “I don’t think I do.” 

“Because,” you say, solemnly, “I only wanted you.”

He looks down at his plate and prods a chunk of carrot, restlessly moving without reason. 

Without adding any more, you smile to yourself at his timidity and resume eating. The silence is more bearable this time. 

Rin downs a few mouthfuls of water and sets the glass down. “Do you think…Do I still count as a virgin if I was only on your dick for a minute and neither of us came?”

“I don’t know,” you answer. “I don’t know what the rules are. I don’t think it really matters, honestly.”

“Hm.”

Another moment passes before you speak again. “Look, Rin,” you say, “even if you had been ‘bad’ or whatever the first time, I wouldn’t have cared. I was more concerned whether you were okay or not than whether it was ‘good.’ There’s gonna be stuff to figure out between the both of us. And I know you. You’re a perfectionist and can’t stand being less than exceptional at anything. So I already know that no matter what, you’ll be trying to improve the next time.” 

Rin doesn’t reply. He takes a bite and chews thoroughly. 

The two of you finish your meals without broaching the topic again, instead shifting to lighter topics with the heaviness of before mostly lifted. You split the bill, half and half, then leave to find the sky is completely dark now. 

You both hesitate on the sidewalk outside the restaurant stairwell. 

“I should probably head back to my hostel,” you say, sticking your hands into your pockets. “Shower and head to bed.” 

Disappointment passes over Rin’s face, but he nods. “Okay.” He looks out onto the street and scratches the back of his head. The neon sign of the bar next door colors his face with red and blue. “Tomorrow’s your last day in Tokyo, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll be busy hanging out with some Tokitsu friends I haven’t seen in a while, though.”

“Oh.” Restless again, Rin scuffs his sneaker on the sidewalk.

You smile, wryly. “I might have some free time to hang out in the evening. I’ll let you know.” 

“I wasn’t asking you to hang out.” 

You chuckle. “Yeah, sure.”

Silence spreads over you. 

Drawing up an inhale, you step forward and hug him. Rin freezes in surprise, but after a few seconds, he wraps his arms around your back and squeezes. For how tactile your relationship is with all your high fives and fist bumps, hugging is something you rarely do, something that feels too personal and intimate for most situations. 

You stand there, arms around his shoulders, cheek pressed to his hair, and absorb the warmth of his body. The hug only lasts a moment, but it feels forever to you. When you pull away, you ruffle his hair like you would a fluffy dog to regain some levity. He glowers at you and immediately runs a hand through his hair to fix it. 

“Later,” you say. 

“Yeah.”

You part ways. He disappears down one street, while you turn onto what you think leads back to the station. 

The station is noisy, crowded as usual. You barely notice any of the people who brush up against you.

You spend the next day catching up with your Tokitsu friends. It’s fun and you’re glad you get to see them, but the promise of seeing Rin again in the evening lingers in the back of your mind, never quite fully leaving your consciousness the whole day. 

You eat dinner with your Tokitsu friends, so it’s relatively late by the time you return to Rin’s hotel, unsure what lies in store for you. He’s not out front, so you text him to let him know you’re there, and within five minutes, he comes down, dressed more casually than yesterday in a hoodie emblazoned with the name of his university and track pants. 

“Hey,” he says, waving. 

“Hey.” 

You follow him back to the elevator and up to the floor of his room, nerves ratcheting up despite how this is nothing new. The room is the same, just the shades drawn and the bedside lamp flicked on. 

Rin sets aside the room key. “I was actually just about to shower, so I’m going to do that now, if that’s okay,” he says. “Since someone didn’t give me a clear timeframe of when he’d be arriving.” 

“Sorry. Yeah, go ahead.” 

“Cool.” He fishes some stuff out of his duffle, then enters the bathroom and shuts the door after himself. 

Not sure what to do with yourself while you wait for him to get out, you flop down on the bed and stare up at the ceiling, the hum of running water in your ears. You determinedly do not think about Rin showering, nor do you think about what exactly is supposed to happen after he gets out. 

After an agonizing wait, the water shuts off. Your stomach turns. It’s still a few more minutes of apprehension until Rin emerges. You expected him to have brought a full change of clothes, but instead he’s wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. His eyes dart to you as if gauging your reaction, but he says nothing, instead picking up the comb sat out on the bedside table and pulling it through damp hair. 

You sit up, leaning back on your hands. “You sure were in there a while,” you note. “You weren’t jacking off or anything, were you?”

“No.” Rin yanks the comb through a stubborn knot. “I just showered like normal.” 

“Huh. Guess you’re someone who takes ridiculously long showers in general, whether you jack off or not.”

He does not deign your comment with a response, intently focused on combing his hair. When done, he replaces the comb on the table and runs a hand through his hair, pushing it to one side. He swallows thickly and side-eyes you, as if unable to face you squarely. 

“I, uh,” he begins. “Since things didn’t work out yesterday, I wanted to try again. If you want.” 

“Only if you feel comfortable.” 

“I do.” He turns and faces you. “Actually, um…I was wondering if I could try something.” 

You cock your head. “What kind of something?” 

He points at the armchair across from the bed. “You sit there. You’re not allowed to touch me or yourself until I say so. Okay?”

A thrill runs through you at the proposition, your mind whirring with curiosity. But you still take a moment to think it over before answering, not wanting to seem too eager. “Okay.”

You follow his direction and stand up from the bed to sit in the armchair, your body humming with anticipation. Rin remains standing, reflexively mussing his hair again. 

“You know,” he says after a long pause, “I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t jack off in the shower.” 

His nervousness is apparent in his voice and demeanor, but he pushes through anyways, perching down at the end of the bed. “If I had, I probably would’ve started here.” He leans back on one hand, the other smoothing across his bare chest. His thumb rubs slow circles around his nipple. 

As Rin continues to speak, his nervousness fades bit by bit, his voice growing in confidence. “And I’d imagine,” he says, tilting his head, hand still rubbing his nipple, “that you were the one touching me. Your hands are bigger, stronger than mine, they’d be a lot rougher.” He pinches the nipple, letting out a tiny gasp. 

The front of your jeans tightens as your dick hardens. Forcefully, you grip the armrests of the chair, it taking all your willpower to not begin jerking off. 

Rin moves on to the other nipple, teasing and playing with it, losing the train of his dialogue for a minute. Under the towel still around his hips, his legs spread wider as if moving unconsciously, and you can see the shadow of a bulge.  

“Eventually, I’d tell you to move further down,” Rin continues. His hand leaves his reddened and erect nipples and travels downward, smoothing over his stomach. He stops at the towel, pausing for effect, before groping his dick over the fabric. He emits a shallow exhale before speaking again. “You’d feel how hard I am for you, how much I want you.” 

Slowly, he teases himself, still over the towel. “I’d—I’d get impatient and tell you to stop playing around.” His voice has a soft, husky tone to it now. He releases his dick and makes a show of fiddling with the towel, dragging out the reveal. 

“Rin,” you beg, weakly. 

He smiles slyly at your agony, but rewards you by pulling the towel away to reveal his upper thighs and fully hard cock. You squirm uncomfortably in your seat at the sight. You saw his dick just yesterday, but it’s entirely different seeing it like this and knowing that it’s for you. 

Rin grasps himself and begins jacking off properly. The time passes—how much, it’s impossible to tell. Rin says nothing more, distractedly swept up in getting off, lounging back on the bed. Occasionally, he dazedly looks your way, watching you watch him, and momentarily you are both mutually voyeur and exhibitionist. 

Facing the ceiling, Rin moans, free hand reaching up to grab a fistful of the bedding. “Fuck.” 

Your trapped cock pulses painfully. “Fuck, Rin,” you breathe. Unable to withstand it any longer, you reach for the button of your jeans. 

“No,” Rin says, sharply, immediately stopping to stare you down. “I said you’re not allowed until I say.”

Reluctantly, you groan and let go of your jeans. You grasp the armrest again, white-knuckled. 

“Good boy.” Rin lies back and resumes. It takes him a moment to regain his momentum, but soon he’s writhing and gasping again. 

Briefly, he turns his head to look at you again, appraising your good behavior. He smirks. “You like what you see, hm?”

You can't find any words to respond, pushing your limit, almost ready to come yourself from watching alone. 

Rin’s eyes screw shut and his hand on his cock quickens. “Oh, fuck, I’m gonna come—”

He moans loudly, arching his back, cum splattering his thighs. You feel dizzy, intoxicated witnessing it. 

Rin takes a few moments to catch his breath, chest rising and falling, before he sits up and retrieves the fallen towel. He wipes away the cum and sets the towel aside. Leaning back on his hands, he shoots you a look. 

“Okay,” he says. “You can touch me now.” 

You don’t need to be told twice. You shoot up out of the chair and press him flat into the bed, kissing him and grabbing his sides, his thighs, his ass. He laughs at your desperation. You take in his scent, the faint hint of sweat over the fresh, clean smell of shampoo, and it’s too much to bear. Hurriedly, you undo the fly of your jeans and grasp your cock. With your good arm propping you up over him, you furiously stroke yourself off. 

You hit your limit. “Fuck!” you hiss, bowing your head into him and cumming on his stomach. 

When the intensity fades, you remain there, head hung low with your face in his neck. 

“That was quick,” Rin muses. 

“Not my fault.” 

He laughs.

You fetch the towel and clean the cum from his stomach, then you collapse down on top of him. You both lie there in silence for a minute, Rin gently carding his fingers through the back of your hair. 

With an exhale, you prop yourself up to face Rin. You brush back a strand of his hair. His eyes trail over your face, expectantly studying you. 

“Did you like that?” he asks. 

“I did.” 

Visibly pleased with the praise, Rin smiles.

You nestle into him, resting your head on his shoulder, your hand skimming his side. Your hand pauses when you come into contact with a patch of residual stickiness from your cum. “Interesting choice to shower ahead of time,” you say. 

“Well—It’s not my fault you arrived when you did. And anyway, I kind of liked making you wait on me.” 

“Jeez. It’s just one power play after the next with you.” 

“You say that like you aren’t totally into it.” 

You respond with silence, and he laughs at you. 

Quiet lasts another few minutes longer, the two of you simply enjoying each other’s company, until Rin shifts under you. 

“Do you want more?” he asks. 

You lift your head. “Yeah.” 

“Good.” He brushes a hand along your jaw, then lightly strokes your bottom lip with his thumb. “Don’t worry, I won’t torture you any more. You’ve earned it.” 

He kisses you, softly at first, then with more intensity as he pushes you to lie flat and straddles your hips. He hangs over you, his hair tickling your face as you kiss. You run your hands over his lower back and take in the strangeness of him being entirely naked while you’re still fully clothed except for your unzipped jeans. 

Rin’s hand slips under the hem of your t-shirt. “Can I…?”

“You can do whatever you want with me,” you say.

Rin looks taken aback. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay,” he says, slowly. His hand smoothes up your stomach and chest under the fabric of your shirt, fingers brushing over your nipple. A jolt of electricity runs through you. Your hips twitch as if by their own accord. 

Rin pulls back slightly to gauge your expression. “You like that?” 

Wordlessly, you nod.

“Noted.” Rin rubs your nipple, looking smug as you keen at the touch. After a few moments, he pulls his hand away and leans down to suck on the nipple over the fabric of your shirt. 

Feeling your dick hardening again, you grab a fistful of Rin’s still-damp hair, needing something to ground yourself. He moves to the other nipple, mouthing over it the same and leaving behind dark wet splotches of saliva against the gray of your shirt. Finally, he sits back and pushes your shirt up to expose your stomach and chest. His eyes rake over you, and you feel vulnerable under the weight of his full attention.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Rin says, his tone mostly appreciative, though there’s a hint of indignation to it as if he resents the fact. 

“Am I.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know. Being coy doesn’t suit you.” He rubs your nipples with his thumbs as he speaks. “Your pecs are so…Ugh.” 

“So what?” 

Rin scowls at you, peeved at how instantaneously you ignored his request. “…Big.” 

“Thanks. Jealous?”

“No.” Rin twists one of your nipples in retribution. 

You exhale sharply and shift under his weight. “Don’t worry,” you manage to say, “yours aren’t too bad either.” 

“I know,” Rin retorts, loftily. He leaves the topic as is and leans back down, sucking on your nipple, this time directly skin-to-skin. 

Lightly, he sinks his teeth in and bites. It’s slightly painful, but in a way that is so delicious and addictive to you. You let out a strangled noise from the back of your throat. 

“So sensitive,” Rin hums, breath hot on your skin, then resumes biting.

In hardly any time at all, you’re fully hard, and Rin knows. He stops paying attention to your chest and moves downward, leaving a trail of kisses down your stomach. He stops at the undone fly of your jeans and peeks back up at you. 

“What should we do about this?” He nods to your cock straining against your underwear. 

“Ride me?” 

He is silent a moment, understanding the imbued meaning of you requesting it yourself. “Okay,” he says. 

While he fetches the lube and condoms, you strip out of your clothes, hastily tossing them to the side of the bed. You lie back down and watch as Rin clambers back over you to sit on your lap. Setting aside the condom, he opens the lube. 

“Wait.” You sit up. “Let me.” 

Rin pauses a second, then hands the lube off to you. You pour some onto your fingers, then cap it off and set it aside. 

“Ready?”

Rin nods. 

You start off small with just one finger, watching Rin’s expression for guidance, but you needn’t have started small, as there’s plenty of room. 

“Hm, you really are well-prepared,” you comment. “Seems like you’re a bit of a slut.”

Rin frowns. “How can I be a slut when you’re the first person I’ve fucked?” 

“Being slut isn’t about how many people you’ve literally slept with, it’s about your character.” You murmur into his neck, “And you’re definitely a slut.” 

You curl your finger inside him, dragging your fingertip along his wall. 

Rin lets out a hitched breath. His hand clenches around your forearm, fingers digging into your skin. “S—Sousuke—”

You’re achingly hard seeing him like this, but you remain patient and focus on him first, gradually adding two more fingers. By that time, Rin is squirming impatiently on your lap. 

“Hurry up,” he pleads. “Wanna ride you so bad.” 

“Okay, okay,” you say, withdrawing your hand. You quickly pick up the condom and unwrap it, rolling it onto your dick then slicking it with lube. “All right.” 

With your hands on his hips, Rin slowly eases onto your cock, exhaling softly. Unlike yesterday, he doesn’t immediately begin to move, pausing with you up to the hilt. 

“Okay?” you ask. 

Rin meets your eyes and nods. “Yeah.”

He begins a rhythm up and down your cock, a little hesitant but clearly much more relaxed and less concerned with his performance compared to yesterday. You lie back and watch him, and you get to appreciate the contrast in your bodies as you could not yesterday: his skin pale against yours, his muscles leaner than yours, his body hair completely shaved for competition while you’ve let yours grow out some with no swimming all these months. 

You reach up and caress the side of Rin’s face. He slows the rhythm to lean his head into your hand. Stopping completely, he turns his face slightly to kiss your palm. 

Your thumb pulls down lightly on his lower lip and his mouth parts open, allowing you to stick your thumb and index finger into his mouth. 

“Suck,” you instruct.

He does as told, maintaining eye contact, his mouth hot and wet around your fingers. 

“Good boy.”

He continues sucking on your fingers for a minute, sitting stationary on your cock, neither of you concerned with immediately resuming getting off. 

You say, “You have such a pretty mouth.”

With your fingers in his mouth, Rin can say nothing in response, but sudden blotches of pink appear on his cheeks.

Eventually, you pull your hand from his mouth and he begins moving his hips again, face retaining the pink flush. 

“You’re so big,” Rin says as he rolls his hips forward. “I…I used to be really annoyed how big you are, before. You already have me beat in height and muscle. It’s not fair.

“But.” Rin smiles, slowing to a languid, teasing rhythm. “I’m glad about it now, because you feel so fucking good. Way better than my dildos.”

“You’d feel better if you weren’t going so slowly,” you say, squeezing his ass. “Thought you said you weren’t going to torture me.”

“You just make it so easy. But okay, fine.”

He picks up the pace and you run your hands over his thighs. Neither of you speaks for a while. His hair, now mostly dry from his shower, bounces with every thrust. A thin film of sweat builds on his face from the effort. You forget about all the taunting and buildup to this, wholly consumed with the moment.

With complete sincerity, you blurt out, “I love you.” 

Rin chuckles, breathily. “I already know that, you sap.” 

Everything becomes faster, more intense, your ragged breaths filling the air. Brow knitted and mouth parted, Rin frantically grabs at your side. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he gasps. “Sousuke, I’m gonna—” He shudders, head tipped back, hot cum spilling from his cock onto your stomach. Overwhelmed with the sight and sensation of him, you come a few moments later, groaning and seizing his thighs forcefully enough to leave pink scratch marks on his skin. 

He doesn’t immediately pull off of you, instead hanging his head a moment and panting. Once he’s regained his breath, he presses a kiss to your cheek and hops off. He retrieves the towel as you pull off the condom.

Once you’re all cleaned up, you both settle down on the bed, facing each other. You remain silent for a long time and breathe in time with each other. 

“What time is it?” you ask. 

Rin sits up to check his phone on the bedside table. “11:42.” He flops back down with a sigh. “Still plenty of time before the last train, if you need to head back.” 

“Or…”

“Or, you could stay the night and check out of your hostel in the morning before you leave.” 

“My shinkansen leaves at eight, so I better set an alarm to make sure I’m up in time.” You collect your phone from your jeans left forgotten on the floor and set the alarm for the next morning, already dreading having to get up. You push it out of mind for now and lie back down, trying to focus only on Rin lying across from you. 

“I guess now is as good a time as any to talk about where we stand,” you say. “Since we kind of forgot about it yesterday.” 

“Yeah. So, are we, like…dating?” 

“Hm. ‘Dating’ sounds so weird and shallow, but yeah. I want you as my boyfriend, partner, whatever—The word doesn’t really matter.” 

“All right, all right. So edgy and counterculture.” Rin grins, then grows a little more subdued. “Long-distance, though.”

“Yeah.”

“It was, um. It was already bad enough being separated from you when we weren’t dating, so I…” Rin readjust his head on the pillow. Somberness colors his features.

“We’ll figure it out,” you promise. “Anyway, it’s not forever. Eventually, we’ll be in the same place again, whether that’s you coming to me or me coming to you. We’ve already come back together once, so it’ll happen again.” 

Rin nods. “Yeah.”

Silence pervades a few moments longer. 

“In the meantime,” you say. “Since I’m staying here for the night, I should make good on that promise I made you yesterday.”

“What promise?”

“You asked me to fuck you, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t want to start off our relationship with me forgetting promises, would I?” 

Rin cracks a smile. “No, you wouldn’t.” 

You do make good on your promise, fucking him from the back laid out next to each other on the bed so you don’t put on weight on your arm, and by the time you both finish, you’re shaky, sweaty, and exhausted, so you both quickly drift off to sleep in a tangle of limbs. 

Your alarm sounds bright and early the next morning. You’re laid out flat on your stomach, face smushed into a pillow, and don’t move despite the beeping beside you. 

The bedsheets rustle. “Sousuke, your alarm,” Rin says, voice raspy with sleep, hand touching your back. 

You grunt in reply but do not move. 

“Sousuke.” Rin puts his full body weight on top of you, the same technique he used to wake you at sleepovers when you were kids. “C’mon.” 

You blindly reach out your arm to pat around the table in search of your phone. You find it and squint at the blinding screen, too overwhelmed with stimuli to figure out how to shut the noise off. After what feels like eons, you turn off the alarm and return to silence.

Rin shakes your shoulder. “Now you gotta get up.”

Reluctantly, and with much prodding from Rin, you do, showering and changing back into your clothes from yesterday. You catch a glimpse in the mirror of remnants from the night before on your skin: bruises, scratches. Your nipples in particular look hellish from Rin biting them, so you make a mental note to avoid being shirtless until they heal, lest anyone asks you what happened. 

When you exit the bathroom, Rin is sitting on the bed, bleary eyed with a bad bed head but clothed in the same hoodie and track pants as yesterday. You scout around the room to check if you’re forgetting anything, pocketing your phone as you go, then you come to stand near the door, hands in your pockets. 

“Well,” you say. 

Rin stands. He fiddles with the string of his hoodie. “Well.” 

A poignant pause. Slight panic runs through with so much you want to say, but you’ve run out of time. 

Rin says, lightly but ruefully, “You better reply to my texts, now.” 

“I will. I promise.” 

“Good.” Expression shifting to something you can’t quite read, Rin steps forward and hugs you. 

You return the hug, burying your face in his shoulder and trying to memorize the moment: the smell of his hoodie, the feeling of his body against yours, the thin morning light trickling in from the open shades. This hug lasts longer than the one outside the restaurant from yesterday, and there is no hesitation in it. 

Rin pulls back. His adam’s apple bobs. He doesn’t bother hiding the wetness in his eyes, and you can’t bring yourself to tease him for crying like you normally would. 

Softly, Rin says, “I love you.” 

You press a kiss to the top of his head. “I know.” 

You stand there, not wanting to pull away from him, wishing you could forestall the inevitable, but you know you can’t stall much longer. Unwillingly, you sever the connection with him to slip on your shoes and open the room door. 

Rin wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and sniffles loudly. “Let me know when you get back home,” he says. 

“I will. Let me know how your flight back to Australia goes.” 

“I will.” 

You’ve dawdled for too long. “See you,” you say, lamely, and walk out. 

You barely pay attention to your surroundings as you return to your hostel, collect your belongings, and check out, too busy replaying your final moments with Rin. You eventually find yourself on your shinkansen in the seat up against a window next to an already dozing businessman. The train begins to move, and with it, the urban scenery of Tokyo quickly morphs into rural countryside, and you move further and further from Rin. 

You remind yourself of your own words from last night. It’s not forever. 

You return to your room after a long day at the restaurant, utterly bone tired. You flop down face first on your bed and remain there for several minutes, tempted to fall asleep. Instead, you make yourself sit up. You pluck your phone up from the bedside table and scroll through your notifications, having not been able to check all day. 

You ignore the other notifications in favor of Rin’s contact name. He sent a video two hours ago. 

Okay, fine. Just make sure you’re alone and wearing headphones when you watch this, otherwise I’ll have to fly back to Japan to murder you myself

Now very awake, you jump out of bed to open your bedroom door and check for anyone. The hallway is quiet, with only the distant murmurs of your parents’ voices in the kitchen. You shut your door, lock it, then turn on the fan in the corner of the room for good measure, not wanting to overhear your family and not wanting them to overhear you. 

You plug in your headphones and sink down into your bed. With shaky fingers, you press play on Rin’s video. 

Within a few seconds of watching, your pulse begins to thunder in your chest and your dick stirs in interest. You lie back, one hand holding aloft your phone while your other hand pushes down your sweatpants and underwear to grab your cock. You pump yourself, eyes and ears full of Rin onscreen fucking himself with dildo. The video itself is rather short, probably because there isn’t the space to record and send an entire porno’s worth of video, so you play it on repeat until you come. 

Afterward, you clean yourself up with some tissues, then settle back into bed to text Rin back. 

Fuck, Rin

He’s still awake, apparently, texting you back immediately. 

I’m taking that to mean you liked it

I did like it

I already got off once to it

Perv lmao

Okay now it’s YOUR turn to send me something. Pictures are nice and all but they don’t hit the same

I don’t know, I don’t think I’d be as good at it as you are

I don’t care. And practice makes perfect, after all

Are you busy right now?

You bite your lip as you type. 

No

Within moments, your screen lights up with Rin’s caller ID. Excitement bubbling up within, you answer.