Chapter Text
Midge couldn't be happy. Whenever she was remotely close, she had to mess it up before someone else could do it for her. She always had to be the one in control and it worked, most of the time, with most people. But never with him.
“What happened to no opening act gigs?”
“I changed my mind.”
The silence on the other side of the line scared her. “You changed your mind?” Susie asked though Midge knew full well that it was rhetorical. “You changed your mind!” she laughed, “so you won't change your mind for Tony fucking Bennett but you’re all in for a goddamned jazz band no one gives a fucking fuck about?” she was yelling so loud that Midge took the phone away from her ear and was able to make out every word of what her manager was saying.
“I told you I'm going to do this my way.” she replied calmly, “They will let me say whatever I want and that's what matters most.”
“Oh, that's what matters? Alright then. Sorry, I was under the impression you wanted to be able to afford that fancy-ass apartment of yours. “ silence again. “Where did you even meet these guys? No, scratch that, I have a better question: what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I met them at Joel’s and nothing is wrong with me. I'm not going to get on stage if I don't want to and when I'm being restricted, I don't want to.”
“Just let me know when I can book you places.” the phone went dead. Midge sighed, she didn't mean to upset Susie, if anything she thought her manager would be happy she was getting back out there. There was a feeling in her chest, anger, hurt, and disappointment brewed together and spread through her body until silent tears were dripping down her face.
She was scared to play in a club so accessible and she really needed someone to be with her. She needed Susie but that wasn't an option. The idea of asking her parents to come was gone before it was a fully formed thought and Joel, she knew, was too busy trying to figure out his current situation with Mei. there was one person she could try, a last-ditch attempt.
They hadn't spoken since Carnegie hall. Every time she thought of calling was stopped short by his words, replaying in her head. Midge didn't know what to say to him, she never did but before she knew it, the phone was pressed against her ear and she was humming with the rings.
“I need a favour.” she blurted out as soon as he answered.
“Hello to you too.”
“I need you to be at this club tonight, 9:45.” she read the address from the pen on her hand and waited for him to reply. He didn't.
“Where’s Susie.?” he asked finally.
“I don't want to talk about it.” she tried to sound tough but it came out more sad than anything.
“9:45?”
“9:45,” she confirmed.
“I'll see what I can do.”
Midge looked for him when she got to the club but, after searching both inside and out back, she determined he didn't show. Giving up, she sat at the bar and ordered a drink to nurse her wounds. “Hey.” she turned around and found him, one hand on the back of her chair, a cigarette pinched between his lips.
“You came.” She remarked, unable to keep the surprise out of her voice.
“Mhm,” Lenny glanced down at his watch, “and 10 minutes early at that.”
“I must be special, then.” She quipped, and all tension between them melted away. The way he looked at her, with intent mixed with pity, she knew he was reading her like a book.
His mouth opened to say something but was interrupted by a man placing his arm around her shoulder. “Midge!” he exclaimed, “How ya feelin’?”
Paulie was the impossibly tall, impossibly handsome jazz musician Midge had been making eyes with for the past few weeks. Slowly, she found herself looking forward to the nights he was at Joel’s. The stolen glances and drinks sent with nothing more than a wave was refreshing to her. It had been so long since she had someone to flirt with, no pressure.
She let out a chuckle as she thought of the most cheesy joke she could, “I’m feeling pretty jazzed.” Paulie let out a genuine laugh and she smiled.
He turned his head in the direction of three men who all had instruments in hand. “Mel, Ari, Mac! Get a load of what Midge just said!” The men gathered around her and she repeated the joke.
“I’m funnier on stage, I promise!” She said as her cheeks flushed. She turned to Lenny who was looking at her with a confused look on his face. “They’re a jazz band.” He nodded his head slowly in understanding.
“Is this your fella, Midge?” Ari asked, putting a hand on Lenny’s shoulder.
“No,” she said, “definitely not.” She chuckled as Lenny put a hand to his chest in mock pain.
“C’mon girlie, it's time to get up there,” Mac said, nodding to the stage. She bit her cheeks, forcing the smile on her face. “Yep. just give me a minute.” she held her breath until the band walked off. Why was she so scared? It wasn't a big room, no one was going to scout her in here, and no one was going to fire her or publicly humiliate her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and wished Susie was there with her.
Lenny's voice whispered in her ear, “You’re right, they’re wrong.”
When it's over, she heads straight for the bar. The fear is gone, replaced by adrenaline and anger settling deep in her stomach. She bit her lip, trying to keep from asking what Lenny thought about her set. Instead, she pulled out a cigarette and takes a drag, closing her eyes and letting it mature in her lungs before pushing the smoke out. When her eyes opened, she saw him watching her intently.
“Do you have plans?” he asked.
“No, why?”
“Do you want to get out of here?”
Midge raised her eyebrows, “you’re forward tonight.”
“What? No im- I'm not asking to sleep with you, Jesus Christ!” she laughed as he got flustered.
“Oh so once was enough for you?”
He took a long sip of his drink before answering, “There's never an ‘enough’ with you.”
She felt her cheeks heat up and sent a silent thanks to god for the low lights and smoke-polluted air. He got out of his seat and extended his hand out to her, “what do you say?”
She interlocked their fingers and let him lead her out of the club. Once outside, he threw his jacket over her shoulders to shield her from the April winds. He had something on his mind when he asked her out here, she knew. It was just a matter of waiting for him to say it.
“What’s going on with you?” he finally asked, turning around so he was walking backwards down the nearly empty street.
“Have you been talking to Susie? She asked me the same thing a few hours ago.”
He raised an eyebrow, “you can tell me, you know.”
She pulled his jacket closer to her. It smelled like smoke and dark liquor. It smelled like him. She didn't notice when he stopped walking and almost bumped into him. Placing both hands on her shoulders, he frowned. “Midge,” he said softly, “c’mon.”
All of the nerves and the anger and sickening embarrassment, she just let it go. She fell apart and he caught her. Lenny held her as she cried, ignoring everyone who gave them weird looks until she had calmed down, rubbing her back silently as she let it all out.
“Susie didn't show up for me.” she sniffled, “I told her that I had a gig and she didn't show up. I needed her and she wasn't there.” Midge wiped away her tears, “She mad at me because I haven't done any ‘real’ gigs since Shy Baldwin.” she started to walk again, not being able to watch Lenny’s reaction to her breakdown.
“I liked the Wolfried. No one cared what I said, no one noticed what I said. Things were safe like that and now…” she trailed off.
“This business is all about failing. Do you think I haven't been kicked off of tours before? You just have to get through this and make a joke about it in 10 years. This isn't the defining moment in your career, you are going to get through this.” She smiled, not used to this side of him. “Now come on, I know an awful 24-hour breakfast place around here.”