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So hypocritical.
The ocean's tears bubbled up and licked the wooden sides of the Albatros's hull. Jay closed her eyelids and listened to her taste buds, a saline fragrance of fresh iciness tickled her throat with every deep breath she inhaled. An absent feeling disarranged an endless knot clumped in her stomach, she trailed her gaze along the horizon where the sea and sky meddled into one.
A peal of faint laughter was all she could procure inside her distant mind, muddled by the tomfoolery of Chip cheering on Oliver in a chess match against Pretzel, hovered the mental image of a woman’s silhouette. She wondered how grainy her hair would be between her fingers, how the calluses on her palms would cup perfectly on her cheek, how her hot breath would taste afore her lips.
Jay can vividly imagine how her crewmates would act, especially when the woman would've had her head on a pike after their first interaction. The idea might've made her chuckle at the thought of Chip freaking out while Gillion remained oblivious if the timing wasn't so sour.
It's hypocritical to daydream of something so ludicrous, it felt as though Jay was a rabbit running after a carrot on a neverending rope. The rope encased her in a clumsy embrace, maintaining her captive in a dilemma she couldn't flee from. She felt as though she was circling in a loop, an addiction, devouring a fabrication that only concaved her ribcage until she couldn't breathe.
Jay shouldn't be doing this, teasing herself over and over. The sensation was similar to drowning, salt burning every inch of her body, clawing her into its depths of the black unknown.
She would be fine if this was a straightforward crush, something that could elude her clasp the instant her eyes skim elsewhere, vanishing without a trace. A crush would be so much easier, yet every time air invaded her lungs unaccompanied by her perspicuity, Jay couldn't stand it. If she were to shoot another cocky glance her way, Jay might collapse. If she were to never gaze in her direction again, Jay might die.
Living inside an emotion unregulated by the outside world. Jay wants to sink into every exhale she gives, wanting to press her weight into her, to memorise her words, her movements, her signature smirk that tips her over the edge.
She was in love. So much it was frightening. So much that it becomes suffocating, the feeling drowns her in a black pool of stelliform lights mirrored against the sea's gaping jaw.
"Jay!"
A call from Chip forced her out of her thoughts, tailing her eyes offset the deck to her left. A look of disappointment was embedded into Ollie's face while Gillion held Pretzel high in victory. Chip wore his tacky grin filled with hesitance, beckoning her over with a gesture of his arm. She could tell he did something stupid again by the expression tearing on his cheeks.
"Pretzel won again? I'm not very shocked."
"Haha, yeah, unfortunately. Say, speaking of which, completely unrelated, do you have any gold left on you?"
"Did you really make a pointless bet with my own money?"
Chip released a shapeless stammer. "I mean, well, who's to say...?"
Jay's head shook from left to right. This dwelling obsessive sensation gutted her from the inside out, regardless, she was grateful that her absentminded co-captains kept her preoccupied long enough for her sanity to remain.
"You idiot."