Chapter Text
He sat with his mother out by the pond. These days he had to almost carry her there, and only when it was overcast as the sun hurt her eyes too much, burned her sensitive skin. It was a sort of irony he supposed that the Fire Lady was burning away from the inside out. There were chairs and umbrellas by the water. Zuko wanted to believe that his father had arranged it all, but knew it was likely their uncle. He helped his mother sit and when he would have gone to the other chaise she held out her hand and he curled into her, though he was getting too big for that.
“Sixteen, my beloved Zuko. You fit in my arms just yesterday.”
“Mother,” he rolled his eyes a bit but moved a little bit closer. “Still fit.” He didn’t, but he almost did and that was enough for them both. “Will you be able to attend the celebration tonight?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
“You won’t be too tired?”
“Not at all,” she swore, and began to hum a lullaby that she had sung to him, long after Ozai had insisted she needed to stop coddling the boy. Her voice was much thinner than it had been then, a rattle in it as her lungs filled with fire. “I have a gift for you, Zuko.”
“What is it? Uncle got me dao swords, is it as good as swords?”
“I like to think so.” She holds out a small box that she had hidden in her sleeve and he takes it. Inside is a jade hair pin, with the fire nation symbol carved into it. “It was my grandfather’s,” she said quietly, clearly tiring. “He loved the fire nation as much as you do, devoted himself to it, as you want to. I hope that it will guide you, that his spirit will protect you when you start your military training.”
“That isn’t for another couple years.”
“Yes, because you never pester the guards at the training ring, you haven’t convinced your cousin to show you how to use those swords your uncle bought you.”
Zuko hid his smile. “I only focus on my fire bending, like I am supposed to.” His smile faded a bit, “Like Father demands.”
“You are an incredible bender, my sweet, you are just stifled by nerves and expectations. You need to learn the true reason to firebend.”
“To protect the fire nation, to serve the fire lord,” he recited as every child in the kingdom did. Automatically, without any true meaning behind the words. He knew his mother wanted to protest, but she was looking so weak. “We should get you back to your room.”
“No, it is cool out today, I’ll nap here.”
There was a blanket in a chest next to the chairs and he draped it over her, brushed her hair away from her face. “Mother?”
“I promise, Zuko, I will be there tonight.”
“I love you, Mother.”
“I love you, my boy.” Zuko didn’t leave her side until she was asleep. The sages said it was soon, the healers said she should have been dead months ago. He didn’t know what he was going to do once she was gone. He had hoped she would last until he joined the fire nation navy at 18, but that was clearly not going to happen.
“Zuko, you only hurt yourself by staying attached to her,” Azula was leaning on a pillar. “You hug and cling to a corpse. Better to start letting go now, that way it won’t hurt as much for you when she dies.”
“She isn’t dying!” Zuko shouts the lie that he wants desperately to believe. “Father has called in healers, from the norther water tribe. I heard him tell her that. They can heal her.”
Azula’s pitying laugh hurt more than her fire ever did. “And you believed him? It was a lie, Zuko, a kindness to a dying woman. Father would never let a member of the norther water tribe cross our borders. I am only saying this Zuko, because I love you. Let her go. I have and, see, I’m doing fine. Pain and grief block your fire, and what will Father think of you if you can’t bend at all because you are crying over your mommy?”
“She’s your mother too!”
“I know, and I appreciate her giving me life, but we are done with each other, and better for it. I’m off for my private lessons with Father. Enjoy swinging around a sword with Lu Ten, maybe in that you can show some modicum of skill.”
Zuko stormed down to the training ground and the lessons went poorly, he was far too distracted by Azula’s words, by how his mother could stay awake for shorter and shorter times. His father hadn’t lied, he loved Mother and had sent for healers. Of course he had. Uncle Iroh insisted he practice his bending forms, and it went even more poorly, but luckily it was time to get ready for his birthday celebration.
He was bathed, his hair trimmed, nails painted. When they bound his hair, he told them to use the pin his mother had gifted him. They didn’t approve of how out of fashion it was, but one shout and they did as bid. He was put in formal robes and he walked to the great hall. His father and Azula were already waiting and he joined them. “Where is Mother?”
“She was too tired to join us, she grows very weak.”
“I’ll go to her,” Zuko replied immediately, he didn’t care about the party at all anymore.
“You will not, this is your first time being formally acknowledged as my heir,” Ozai looked at him. “While I would obviously prefer it be Azula as she is much stronger than you, even the fire lord obeys the law. And the eldest shall be the heir.”
“For now, until I am eighteen and can challenge you to an agni kai and take rule away from you, like Father did to Uncle.” Azula bowed to him. “Happy birthday, Zuzu.”
Ozai laughed and the fires along the wall flared. “That’s my girl,” he crowed. The doors opened and they walked in. He was happy at least that he was seated next to his uncle and cousin; he tried not to look at the empty seat next to his father. They went through two courses, and Zuko barely tasted his food. He realized that no one there really cared that this was his birthday party. It was unbearably lonely. As the third course was brought out there was a bit of a commotion at the door. They opened and there was his mother, formally dressed, made up in a way she hadn’t been in months. There were gasps of shock at seeing her up and about - she had been retired from public duty for months. She moved forward slowly, stately, an imperial vision to the guests, but Zuko knew it was because the heavy robes the jewelry were likely causing her pain. He moved, but a glance had him stay seated as she made her own way across the room.
Zuko wondered if he would ever be as brave as she was.
“My darling, you shouldn’t strain yourself,” Ozai said as he held out his hand and helped her sit. He gave a worried and kind smile, and everyone in the room bought it.
“I made a promise and the fire nation always keeps its word,” she answered and sat, exhaustion written in the lines around her mouth. “Azula, posture please.”
Azula slouched even more, and Zuko almost snarled at her, but his mother’s hand on his wrist stopped him.
“The pin looks beautiful in your hair,” she said. She didn’t say anything else, all her energy focused on making sure her hands didn’t shake as she ate the smallest of portions. Dinner was slow, and she was fading fast. Zuko was scared that she traded away maybe weeks of her life to be here for him tonight.
But eventually the Fire Lord stood and gestured. Zuko went over and knelt in front of his father, and the formal naming words were spoken. Zuko responded in kind, and for the moment he was the heir to the fire nation. He ignored the smirk Azula gave him, that she had clearly begun to mark time until she would be old enough to challenge him. When he returned to his seat, his mother kissed his cheek and he breathed in her scent.
White oleander, a rich sandalwood, and death.
Then there was a much larger noise at the door, and not caring that they would be jailed at best for interrupting two soldiers burst into the hall. They knelt before the fire lord and were babbling nonsense.
Ozai snapped a stream of fire at them. “You will be -”
“My lord, the avatar lives!”
The room went painfully silent and then the shouts and cries were even more painfully loud, and it was very clear that he was no longer needed at his own birthday celebration. He helped his mother up, and he escorted her to her chambers. “Happy birthday, my sweet boy.”
“What does it mean, if the avatar is alive?”
“I don’t know, and that is not a worry for tonight. Sixteen, and heir to the fire nation.”
“Until Azula takes it from me, like Father did to Uncle.”
“Would you like to know a secret, Zuko?” His mother leaned in. “He didn’t beat your uncle, Iroh let him win.” She was gone into her rooms before he could even respond to that. But if he had years, he probably wouldn’t have thought of a decent response to that. He went back to his room, and stood on his balcony for a long time. The avatar alive. They’d be of the air nation, but there was no one left, they all died out meditating in attempts to reach the cursed child avatar, weak and failing. But maybe it was a lie, and wasn’t the avatar at all.
But news soon reached every corner of the world that the avatar was alive.
The avatar lived.
And his mother died.