Chapter Text
They’ve had the same row at least three times a day since her surgery.
As far as Ellie is concerned, there’s nothing to row about, as the decision has been made and been made by the greatest authority on the matter, her doctor. But these things don’t matter to her husband as much as they should.
“What if they’ve missed somethin’,” he’ll say. “What if somethin’ doesn’t show up on their – machines, their scans, or – what have you. What if there was a – smudge, what if Dr. Waverly’s eyesight’s goin’, what if – “
“These people are professionals, for god’s sake,” she’ll reply, utterly exasperated. “We have fully trusted them, one hundred percent, all the way up until now. Suddenly you’re worried about a smudge?”
Following Ellie’s successful hysterectomy, Dr. Waverly proudly informed them that thanks to the procedure and her preceding rounds of radiation, there would be no need for chemotherapy. At first, both had been endlessly relieved.
But then Alec found he could not sleep.
What if it was a mistake.
What if they were just tempting fate by electing not to do chemotherapy.
Wouldn’t it be better to just do the chemo? Just in case?
“You’re off your bloody head,” Ellie had shot back at him, horrified. “Get out.” And she’d slammed the loo door on him.
But he had, in typical Alec Hardy fashion, become utterly consumed by the notion.
“This isn’t a choice,” she has now reminded him several times. “Dr. Waverly says it’s not necessary and that’s that. One can’t just choose to have chemo if it’s not on offer.”
When he holds her at night, she can feel that he’s still awake. Knowing he’s awake keeps her awake and no amount of melatonin can break the cycle. One night, utterly exhausted and desperate for sleep, she gets him off with her hand and he falls asleep in her arms. She sighs, hoping to christ that this will not need to be an every night occurrence.
After a week off from work to rest and recuperate, she returns to CID to find that her husband and their boss are still in fact at each other’s throats. She keeps her office door closed more than usual, in the hopes of drowning out the noise of their arguments down the hall.
Three days in to her return, she shows up in his office mid-afternoon. From the doorway, she announces, “You’re taking me to dinner tonight.”
Alec looks up from his computer, glancing at her over the rim of his glasses. “…Right okay.”
“There will be no discussion of chemotherapy.”
He sniffs then scratches his beard. “Fine.”
“Nothing vegetarian.” Then she disappears again.
__________________
Ellie leaves the office before him, so when Alec arrives home, he finds the whole family in the living room. Tom sitting in an armchair, headphones on, doing homework. Fred sitting on the floor, ostensibly doing homework of his own on the coffee table. Ellie sits on the sofa, feet propped up on the table, with Aila in her lap facing her. He feels himself breathe out possibly for the first time all day.
“Hi, love.” Ellie greets him with a smile, as if she’s been home all day waiting for him and hasn’t just left the office twenty minutes ahead of him.
“Hi, Daddy.” Fred looks up, bouncing a bit, but keeps up with what he’s working on.
Aila tips her head back, grinning at him from Ellie’s lap. “A-dada.”
Tom glances up and gives him a congenial nod.
Alec dispenses with his suit jacket and hangs it on a chair before going to immediately to retrieve his daughter. Aila holds her arms out. He’s grateful that her obsessive barnacle-like attachment to Ellie seems to be dissipating in the aftermath of the surgery.
“Hiya, darlin’.” He kisses her forehead and wraps her in both arms. “How’s Daddy’s wee one then?”
“Molly says she keeps trying to play with the big kids at the park,” Ellie tells him. “Seemingly unaware that she is in fact an infant.”
Alec snorts, looking down at the baby. “Is that right?”
“Ai-ya,” the baby murmurs, sticking his tie into her mouth.
“Napping better though,” Ellie adds.
“Good.” He fixes his gaze on his younger son. “Fred. How was school?”
“We’re learning about Africa and I drew an elephant,” Fred replies matter-of-factly.
Alec nods. “Very good then.”
Ellie is grinning.
He frowns at her. “What?”
“Nothing.” She nods at the baby. “Just the way she’s staring at you.”
Alec glances down. Aila, chewing on his tie, is staring up at him placidly with her giant brown eyes.
“Like there’s no one else in the room.”
Ellie swings her feet off the coffee table and stands.
“Aila.”
Startled, Aila blinks a few times.
“Aila.”
The baby readjusts her gaze and follows her mother’s voice. Ellie laughs out loud, now standing beside him.
“Hi, baby.”
Aila drops the tie from her mouth and grins, looking exactly like Ellie.
“Did you get distracted by how handsome Daddy is?” Ellie strokes her cheek, then laughs. “Me too.” She pushes herself up on her tiptoes and kisses Alec’s cheek. “I’m going to shower and get ready.”
Aila lays her head on Alec’s shoulder and he rubs her back.
From the stairs, Ellie calls out. “Will you get supper started for them please?”
Alec closes his eyes and sighs. He just doesn’t want this to end.
__________________
They go to their favourite Italian restaurant on the edge of town, owned by a mate of Ellie’s from high school. Although, to be fair, everyone in this town is a mate of Ellie’s from high school. Or a mate of Ellie’s dad’s. Or a mate of Lucy’s. Alec can’t keep up.
They converse easily and actively as they always do, but for Alec, even the briefest lull in the conversation feels like an opportunity to bring up the chemo. Or ask how she’s feeling. Or wonder out loud if perhaps they should request that Dr. Waverly take yet another look at her scans. Or better yet, take more scans. Administer more tests. Just to be sure. He muzzles himself but Ellie can tell he’s muzzling himself which isn’t much better.
Finally she puts her fork down and blurts out, “Do you want my cancer to be a death sentence?”
He nearly gasps at the sharpness of her voice and the horror of her words. He leans back, mouth slightly open, eyes wide.
“Because that’s what it sounds like.”
He’s forgotten he even has a fork in his hands and so it remains there.
“I’ve been given a relative clean bill of health and this should be cause for celebration, for joy, for relief. And all you can do is write me into your shockingly vivid doomsday scenarios and more or less insist that I must still be horribly ill somehow. Is that what you want?”
His mouth has gone too dry to respond. Very likely due to the fact that it remains partially open.
She leans forward and places a hand on his knee. “Alec, I’m fine. We’re lucky. Now I’m not saying it’s a challenge we’ll never face again, I’m not so bloody deluded as to believe that cancer is exactly this simple. But I’ve suffered, I’ve done the things, I’ve done everything that’s been asked of me and frankly I’m incredibly proud of myself. And I’m good to go for the moment, as it were, we found the very best doctor in the area and she’s told us to go off and live our lives for the next few months then we’ll have another scan and another conversation and we’ll see. All right? But if one day I do become unlucky, if one day years in the future this thing does come back and kill me, I want to be bloody well certain I lived every single bit of my life in the interim.”
Alec swallows.
“Do you understand?”
He nods.
“No amount of you worrying and fussing and hypothesizing is going to change anything that’s happening inside my body right now.” She squeezes his knee and doesn’t let go. “So you can enjoy me now or you can be a miserable wanking knob whose wife avoids him at all costs. And you can be sure said knob is getting no sex whatsoever, not one little bit.” She narrows her eyes and regards him sternly. “So what’ll it be, man?”
__________________
She breathes out, hot and staggered, into his neck. “Yes – ye---yes…”
The length of his body covers hers, their fingers interlocking, he presses both her hands into the mattress at either side of her head. With slow, rhythmic movements, he rubs his cock against her clit. He keeps his briefs, however damp and uncomfortable, on. He can’t risk penetrating her, not for a few more weeks, but he thought he’d try this to add some variety to tongue and fingers.
It’s a hit, apparently.
“Yes?” He tugs on her earlobe with his teeth.
“Yeah.” Her knees bent, she tries to widen them as far as she can, lifting her hips into him.
He smiles, though part of him feels somewhat aggrieved. Her body wants something from him that he’s not allowed to give right now. It’s a painful feeling for him.
But he’s still going to make her scream.
Her breasts are still pent up in a lacy bra. She always does this just in case – if they go out after work, she’ll change bras. She knows he knows she’ll do it and it’ll drive him crazy all night. Fortunately this one has a front clasp so he only has to let go of one of her hands in order to unsnap it.
He shifts his position slightly, relying more on his knees to do so, and uses his free hand to bring her breast to his mouth. Then the hand finds hers again.
“Alec,” she moans his name, it’s low and gravelly, an unusual tone for her. But a very nice one.
“Mmhm.”
He continues the agonizingly slow undulation of his hips. His briefs are soaked through and the restriction is painful at this point but he can keep it up a while longer. He knows if he does the right work on her breast, she’ll come soon enough.
His tongue swirls around her nipple and she’s moaningly so beautifully, her eyes closed, back arched. It occurs to him that he may be dangerously close to moving from stimulation to soreness when it comes to her clit, due to the fabric of his briefs. He raises himself up a bit to capture her lips and get her attention. A soft, slow kiss does just that.
“Babe.”
She smiles. Babe had started to become less and less frequent after their honeymoon. But she does love it. He sees it on her face and makes a mental note to bring it back.
She opens her glassy eyes and they meet his. She recognizes the look on his face immediately. She nods. “Go on.”
He nods back, then slides down to her breast again, beginning to suck on her nipple. Though she almost always says yes at this point, she had trained him in the early months after Aila’s birth to ask before doing anything that would involve her breastmilk.
He loves it, more than most things, he’ll admit (only to her of course………possibly to Marjorie). But he also that knows, in combination with clit stimulation, it’s guaranteed to make her come fast and come hard.
Her moans and gasps are fast and high-pitched now. He’s going to come in his briefs before she comes if he’s not careful.
“Oh god. Oh fucking – fuck.”
She dislodges one of her hands from his suddenly and reaches for the back of his head, digging his nails into his scalp, grasping his hair. She’s definitely close now.
“Quick – “ She can’t quite breathe enough to get it out. “Quicker.”
He picks up the rhythm of his hips, then alternate swirling his tongue and sucking her nipple.
“Alec, Alec – “
Fuck he’s going to come.
“Yes.”
And there she is. She arches her back all the way and cries out, twisting her body, her thighs shaking. He stays where he is, now detached from her nipple of course, and yanks his soaked, uncomfortable briefs down before violently rubbing his cock against the bed until he comes.
Then he gasps out in little fits and starts, collapsing in odd position across her stomach, still between her legs, but his upper body flat on the bed.
Ellie wipes away the sweat across her brow. “Jesus fucking –
“Christ,” they both say simultaneously.
After a moment of stillness and haggard breathing, Ellie lifts twists her body back in his direction, looking at him as she collapsing back on the pillow. “Briefs can really just be one massive condom, eh?”
He stares at her. Then he bursts out laughing, the smile cracking his face wide open. She grins back.
“We must both be absolutely disgusting,” she adds.
He manages a half-shrug. “Think the sheets ended up takin’ the worst of it.”
She snorts, barely managing to stifle a guffaw. “Sorry.”
Alec disentangles himself from her a bit so he can lie properly beside her. Both of them lying on their stomachs, he throws an arm across her back and kisses her.
“I love you,” he says.
She smiles. “Love you.”
“Think that qualifies as enjoyin’ you, yeah?” He plants a kiss on her arm.
She rolls her eyes, but she’s still smiling. “Yes, you’ve narrowly avoided yet again becoming a miserable wanking knob who gets no sex, brilliant.”
He grins cockily. “Well done me.”
She simply smiles back, still floaty and aglow from orgasm.
He kisses her shoulder. “Would you like to shower first and I’ll swap the sheets?”
“Yes please.”
__________________
“I’m not planning him a sodding wedding.”
Ellie walks down the pier alongside her sister on her lunch break, each one with a coffee in hand.
“He’s asked us to,” Lucy insists.
“Well ‘m not,” Ellie replies stubbornly, staring out at the sea. “I’ll support him, that’s fine, I want him to be happy, but I’ll not go so far as to plan him an entire bloody wedding. They ought to trod off to the courthouse and be done with it.”
Lucy hisses as she burns her tongue on the extra hot latte she specifically ordered. “That what you and Alec should’ve done then? Second weddings and all.”
Ellie turns to briefly glare at her sister. “Different. Mum and Dad were married over forty years. Alec and I watched our respective marriages go up is near literal flames, we deserved a big do the second go ‘round. Besides it’s. – we’re – “
“You think you and Alec are different.”
“Well.” Ellie huffs. “Dad and Sally’ve only known each other four months or what have you.”
Lucy nearly laughs out loud. “You and Alec were pregnant in as much time as that.” She elbows her sister. “Admit it, you think you and Alec are special.”
Ellie stammers a bit. “We had kids. Large families. It, you know, it mattered to them.”
Lucy shrugs. “Not so much. You made us all haul arse up to bloody Scotland in the middle of winter.”
“All right we’re special, fine, we’re different, happy then?” Ellie retorts, managing to fold her arms across her chest while still holding her to go cup. “I’m glad Dad and Sally’ve found each other but it’s not like they’ve got what we’ve got.”
Lucy is quiet for a moment as they reach the end of the pier. “So what’ll you tell him then?”
“The truth.” Ellie shrugs.
“That you don’t think his relationship is special enough for a proper bloody wedding?”
Ellie sighs heavily in response. “That I’ve got a demanding full time job, too many children, a whole entire baby, and I’ve only just beat cancer. I haven’t got the wherewithal to plan something like that.”
“Fine.” Lucy turns on her heels and starts walking back in the other direction. “I’ll do it on my own then.”
Ellie frowns, darting after her. “You?”
“Quite right.”
“On your own.”
“Yes, sod you very much.”
Lucy begins walking faster.
“Why?!”
And faster.
“Lucy!”
“I’ll be in touch!”
__________________
DI Hardy returns to CID to find her husband and their boss in a heated argument surrounded by case notes in her office.
“God’s sake,” she mutters under her breath from the doorway.
She starts gathering papers up around them as their altercation continues at full volume around her. She stacks them in a pile on her desk then turns around to face them again.
“Christ, enough! Enough now.”
They both peter off slowly and start to register her presence.
“Out out out, out of my office please.” She motions toward the door.
Ben Poole sighs heavily and trudges out into the hallway. Alec collapses onto the sofa. Ellie glares at him.
“What?”
She blinks at him.
“You didn’t mean me.”
“Out,” she repeats.
“I’m your husband.”
“You’re also a pain in the arse and you’ve got your own office, so get out please,” she demands, exasperatedly.
He grumpily hoists himself off the sofa. “Fine.”
__________________
At 4pm, he leaves the office for his 4:30 appointment with Marjorie.
“What bothers you the most about him, do you think?” His therapist asks, unwilling to allow her patient to beat around the bush as he often prefers to.
“Dunno.” Alec shrugs.
“Is it Ellie’s past feelings for him? The fact that you’ve not had a male superior in quite awhile? Or is it something about his general worldview?”
“We disagree about most things. Don’t like the way he…demands to be right all the time,” Alec replies.
Marjorie raises an eyebrow. “It’s not about Ellie.”
Alec scoffs a bit. “D’you know how often, living in this bloody town, I have to deal with men who Ellie’s kissed or slept with or fancied, or who’ve fancied her? She’s lived here her whole life, I encounter these men every day. I may not enjoyit but I’ve learned to live with it.” He crosses one leg over the other. “I just think he’s an arsehole is all.”
“I see.”
“Jenkinson trusted me. Used to let me work, do things my way. Most of the time. This one’s soddin’ micromanager and I will not be micromanaged.”
She nods slowly, jotting notes down on her pad. “And how does Ellie feel? He’s her boss as well.”
He scratches his head and looks away noncommittally. “Doesn’t bother her like it does me. He’s also not as bloody obnoxious with her. It’s me he quarrels with.”
“Or do you quarrel with him?”
Alec narrows his eyes at her. “Whose side are you on?”
She ignores him, as she’s learned to do. “Have you been feeling frustrated by any other aspects of the job lately?”
“Ach. Dunno.” He scratches his temple. “The hours a bit, find myself gettin’ antsy after five pm, no matter how urgent the casework. El and I don’t work together as much now that we’re both in higher level positions, not as much partnerin’ up as before. And uh, yeah, dunno, think it was harder for a spell with Ellie bein’ ill and all, it was hard to stay focused. But things’ll even out now right enough.”
“Mm.” Marjorie is writing quite a bit. “These are all things to think about.”
He blinks at her. “Think about how?”
“Well, it’s important to evaluate different aspects of all lives now and then, isn’t it,” she replies. “See what’s working, what isn’t, what can be improved on and how. It sounds like work might be an area of your life that could be improved upon.”
Alec grumbles to himself. “I’ll get right on that.”
__________________
Late that evening, Alec tries valiantly to focus all of his energy on the book in his hands at he sits up in bed under the covers. Ellie walks into the bedroom her in her robe, closing the door behind her.
“She’s down again.” Ellie slips off her robe and hangs it on the back of the door, revealing her white cotton slip of a nightgown. “We ought to start letting her cry it out, I reckon.”
Alec scoffs, glancing at her over the rim of his reading glasses. “What, and wake up the whole house in the process?”
Ellie smiles knowingly as she pulls back the duvet on her side of the bed. “You just can’t stand to hear her cry.”
He grunts, looking back at his book. “She always goes back down easily enough. Doesn’t take two minutes.”
She regards him skeptically, then reaches for her own book. “Be much harder once I’ve stopped nursing.”
Alec’s eyes widen and he pulls off his glasses. “Christ. That’ll be a nightmare.”
“What?”
“Weanin’ her off you.”
“Mm. I know.”
He looks at her plaintively. “Not for a while though, yeah?”
“No.” She touches his face with a soft smile. “Not for a while. Though you know I do still want to start looking at nurseries for her. She needs the socialisation. And we can’t have Molly forever.”
He slides down his pillow to the mattress with a theatrical groan. “Can we discuss this tomorrow please?” He rubs his eyes.
She smirks. “You’re just like she is when she’s knackered.”
“What.”
“Whiny and dramatic.”
He places his book on his nightstand and switches off his lamp.
She frowns. “I’ve not yet even started reading mine.”
He fluffs his pillow and curls up beneath the duvet. She sighs heavily and puts her book back down on the nightstand before setting the alarm on her mobile. Then she switches off her lamp as well.
“Love.”
She turns onto her side to lie face to face with him.
“Mm.” He drapes an arm over her waist
“Whatever all this business is with Poole, I need you to sort it.”
“Ach,” is his throaty reply, as he scoots closer to her and presses his lips to her bare chest.
“Alec, I mean it.”
His rubs gentle circles on her back as he kisses her collarbone. She tilts her head back for him.
“It’s too much for me, too stressful for everyone. You need to set a good example for the staff.” She gasps a little as he begins sucking a mark into her skin. She brings her fingers to his hair instinctively. “Have a sit down with him tomorrow and get it all sorted.” He hikes up her nightgown and then slips one leg between hers. “I imagine you two have far more in common than you think – oh.” When he pulls her tight against him, she feels his hard cock. “And um – uh. Find that common ground so you can – ahhh.” His hand has slid back up to cup her breast. “Because it can’t go on.”
“Ellie,” he whispers seductively, his lips traveling up to her earlobe.
“Yeah.”
He pushes the strap of her nightgown down so he has enough access to slip his hand inside and squeeze her nipple.
“I’ll sort it.” His teeth pull at her earlobe.
She responds with a breathless, “Okay.”
His thumb brushes back and forth across her nipple as his lips travel to find hers. “Quiet now.”
“Uh huh.”
Then he kisses her.
***