Chapter Text
i.
Ellie sat in the water for god knows how long.
With her head in her bloody hands while the waves moved around her and began to tint red with her blood.
Ellie was tired . She suffered for so long mentally, physically, and emotionally only to let the person who took her chance away to forgive, go free on that rickety boat. Hot tears burned themselves into cold skin, Ellie closed her eyes and imagined being in Dina’s arms full of soft love and comfort that warmed up all the cold parts of her.
Ellie gripped her hair tightly and tugged, feet moving up and down as the tears hurt more than the bleeding gashes on her side, more than the blood that dripped slowly down the side of her face from two missing fingers.
Nothing hurt more than what she feels now, regret . Regret leaving JJ and Dina, regret letting Tommy awaken her demons again, regret letting Abby go, regret not forgiving Joel faster.
But how would she have known this would have happened? The start of her story was Joel’s head being caved in by a golf club and ending with Abby and her companion leaving at the one chance of revenge.
Ellie wanted to drown herself. The water tugged and pushed around her, murky with a dark reflection of the fog encasing her into loneliness.
She let out a sobbing wail of pain, regret, anger, and relief. Relief of acceptance.
Relief of acceptance.
-
Ellie comes back to an empty house filled with dirt and dust from open windows and doors. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she swung the netted door open and saw what remained after her absence.
I can’t do this again .
Ellie walked from room to room to see if anything was left. Cabinets empty, toys gone, no pictures or drawings hung up on walls, no disorganized colorful magnets spelling “I luv u.”
The ache in her chest was expected, but god she didn’t know it was going to hurt this bad. Tears rimmed and urged to fall down Ellie’s freckled face but she swiped them away hard and viciously.
Ellie ached in every aspect.
The stairs creaked as she took each step carefully, and headed towards her personal room, there was no reason to look through the others unless she wanted to torture herself more than she already has and does. All her stuff was left untouched, vinyls still in boxes and several posters beginning to peel off the walls.
Ellie placed her backpack down and kneeled to open the guitar case. It was Joel’s guitar. With a swipe of hand to disturb the dust, she stood up and brought it to a stool. Running her finger softly against the strings, the sound of the strum sounded off and with a twist of a knob they all aligned just the way Joel taught her.
If I were to lose you, I would surely lose myself .
The guitar sounded so off without her fingers. The wrong note, the wrong tone, the wrong everything . Ellie stopped and rested her hands.
It was so awkward when Ellie started to become independent, living behind Joel’s house. They lived right next to each other and yet they felt more apart than the east and the west coast did. Ellie remembered when Joel sang to her and dropped off the guitar, promising to teach her the next day. Albeit a quick learner, Ellie hung onto Joel’s every last word as he taught her the whole nine yards with wide eyes and a glint of adoration. It was their time together, their thing . And god did she cherish every second until her suspicions clouded anything and everything.
The one thing that was left of Joel in Ellie, she could not do anymore. The stubs felt like fire for the first time, radiating all the way to her neck and heart.
The pain in her chest was almost unbearable.
So she set the guitar against the window while slinging her backpack on, and walked right back the way she came.
The sunshine that was once soft on her skin never felt as harsh as it did then.
-
Ellie sat on top of a gas station’s roof, feet hanging off the side of the building as she examined Joel’s broken watch with a black journal laying on her lap in the glaring sunset. Behind her laid an unraveled sleeping bag next to a small fire that crackled louder than anything else in the area.
The broken glass left tiny cuts on the thumb that ran over it gently.
It was a couple months later now, Ellie had decided not to go back to Jackson. Despite knowing what was being left behind, in her head it was the best decision. They are better off without me was a thought repeated everyday to remind herself why she will not go back, a place no longer considered home, considered her as home. Ellie wondered what Dina was probably doing right now. Giving JJ a bath before bed in a tub full of rubber ducks Ellie found at a pool shop. Filled to the brim with soapy suds making beards and scooping a pile just to put on his small, but growing head. JJ would wrap his whole hand onto just one of Ellie’s fingers and by god did she miss his cheeky grin and giggle he would give her when they met each other’s gaze.
Ellie couldn’t go back, she left Dina, the woman she loved for another that plagued her mind day and night, another woman who had her hands wrapped around her throat, squeezing so hard and unrelenting unless Ellie was blissfully distracted by her little potato.
Her heart aches thinking of a certain memory. Dina had given birth a few months ago and Ellie wanted Dina to just rest , get a full night’s sleep with a full belly and personal time to herself. JJ was finally laid to bed and slept soundly after three attempts to make him fall asleep. Ellie was exhausted from a full day of farming the surrounding wheat, expanding the garden to make room for more vegetables, harvesting wool from the sheep, and herding the goats for their milk. She ripped her dirty gloves and put them in her back pocket, quickly washing her arms and heading inside their house to find mama.
Ellie gently took JJ out of Dina’s arms and told her to relax while she fed, bathed, and put him to sleep. Ellie was yawning herself to death by the time she went into their room only to find Dina not there. Ellie stood confused looking around, but decided to grab some clothes and her towel to get a much needed shower after a hard day's work. Her shoulder ached and her lower back twitched every time she bent over too much. She was only twenty and yet had the pains of a fifty-seven year old. Ellie threw her things over her shoulder as she headed to the restroom, twisting her left wrist to get rid of a cramp that was slowly growing. Ellie finally looked up only to find Dina waiting for her in a tub of hot water and oils.
Dina massaged Ellie from head to toe and Ellie stared at her like she’s seen a UFO. How could this woman be so selfless and caring? How could she take care of Ellie after the long day of taking care of errands and their little potato? She cried in Dina’s arms after they laid naked in bed, soaking each other in after barely seeing one another the whole day.
Ellie pushed the back of the watch onto her right wrist and flipped it over to get the rod through the hole, sliding the leather piece over the strap to keep it down. She pulled out her map that was tucked softly between some pages of her journal and laid it out flat in her lap, the slight breeze causing the corners to curl over. A red sharpie highlighted the path she had taken since leaving Jackson. So far she had walked to Alpine and followed the border all the way to Salt Lake City, Utah and then made her way to visit the Dixie National Forest. Resting for a few days and stocking up on supplies, Ellie headed further south into Arizona until she had reached the extravagant beauty that was left of the Grand Canyon.
Ellie had never seen such a sight before. The years of walking in fields, flat lands, and congested cities with towering skyscrapers left Ellie thinking this was all that was left of the world. Joel had introduced her to sightseeing magazines and pamphlets throughout their journey when she was younger and they had a purpose. Ellie was enamored, but being so focused with her determination to sacrifice herself, it left little room to explore and actually physically see anything that was interesting, and that it would take time they didn’t have to travel to these places. So Ellie would cut out pictures with their locations and stash them somewhere, which were lost with her previous backpack.
Now the cities and their locations live in her head and all she needs is a map and a route with enough stops for resupply that she can safely make it. A dream that could be accomplished was now the focus of her mind. It made a small part of her understand why Joel saved her; she had not experienced living yet to die so soon. However, a part of herself still held a resentment that is hard to let go of.
The sunset and sunrise will never stop hurting her.
-
Nightmares plagued Ellie every night and every hour. At first it was just Joel. He was running after her with fungus growing out of his body, other times it was his screams of pain with each swing of the golf club, and mostly it was Joel crying about why she didn’t come to save him sooner. She would wake up trembling and gasping air as if she had sleep apnea. Sweat made her shirt stick to her back, pits and the collar of her shirt soaked and cold.
You would think Ellie would learn the first time after panicking in her sleeping bag, but of course not. A growing phobia of tight spaces grew every night, feeling like she was tied to a chair and was being fed to the runners, or laying against the floor watching Dina’s face being smashed into the ground. A familiar feeling of being left alone to die a miserable death.
Ellie coped by writing in her journal vividly describing her dreams, and aimed to re-read them later as a form of torture for herself.
Her chance at forgiveness was taken from her, so why should she forgive herself from everything she had done to get where she is now?
Other times she would turn on a nearby oil lamp or a small candle she could find and clean her weapons. Her biggest was a suppressed SMG she kept as a trophy from the rattlers. Ellie hoped the prisoners she freed killed every last one of those weird fuckers. It took a while to figure out how to break it down as it is military level machinery, but her substantial knowledge in weapon maintenance and craftsmanship made quick work of it.
The next was her pistol that still had her several modifications from the beginning of her journey. There wasn’t much to it, the gun was weak but it was good for quick suppression of runners or scar if she ran out of arrows. Joel’s Taurus, a one of a kind revolver with a hefty shot and a massive recoil that Ellie had quickly learned to control after the first few shots at some wolves. It was one of the weapons she kept fully loaded at all times.
By the time Ellie would be finished, the sun would be peaking over whatever hill she could see and it was time to move on. No rest for the wicked right?
-
Ellie was bleeding out from her right shoulder and an arrow nicked her left calf as she ran as fast as she could through what seemed to be a convenience store. Scars almost would have made quick work of her if she hadn’t seen a man’s brown jacket in stark contrast to the greenery surrounding him. Ellie was in the midst of collecting food and supplies when she looked through the reflective round mirror attached to the corner of the wall of the grocery store.
“Fuck my shoulder,” she groaned out loud as she tugged the Taurus out from its holster and shot blindly behind her, hoping to tag someone. Unfortunately, the four shots taken were all missed.
Ellie counted four scars, but she always knew that if there’s a few, there’s many. Sliding into the tall grass, she packed the laceration on her left calf with abdominal padding and wrapped it tightly with a gauze roll to keep it in place, stitches were required on every fucking injury she recieves. After a questionable double knot, a quick listen revealed they were all quickly approaching where they last saw her.
Ellie crawled backwards keeping her eye on the closest scar until she was able to crouch up against a rusty blue car. With a quick flick, the cylinder of her revolver popped out and the empty shells fell onto the ground in front of her. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping her from feeling the clean gunshot through the top of her right shoulder. A shaky hand reloaded the cylinder and flicked it back into the barrel.
Ellie was going to survive one way or another.
-
Did she even want to make it?
-
Oh, Ellie fucking made it, but not without a shiner to the chin and a cut on her lip. She now walked blindly down the street.
Where was she again? Oh yeah, Santa Fe.
The white shirt she wore was white no more, caked with blood and stained with black and brown dirt from being thrown to the ground one too many times. Her blood? Yes. Well… not all of her’s.
She was stumbling over her own two feet as she tried to find a safe place to store herself in and patch herself up. Would she even be able to? God, Ellie’s world was spinning and everything was going in and out of focus. Shaking her head didn’t work, and the hand she was using to squeeze down on her shoulder was so weak it was like Ellie was hugging herself. Bloody hand prints were left on cars used to help catch balance and used to drag her body along as she struggled to stay standing up.
Ellie couldn’t see shit, and couldn’t hear anything except the loud ringing in her ears. Was she even moving forward? The outsides of her vision were becoming black, but she shook her head once more and blinked widely to get the blood out of her eyes.
A quick squeeze of the bleeding shoulder with her left hand jolted her up straight and she readjusted her grip on the empty revolver. It didn’t feel as heavy in her hands so she knew there were no bullets left.
She’s in so much pain, drenched in blood, and unable to see; Ellie let out a huff with a small smirk, she wouldn’t stand a chance against anything right now.
Not even the crack in the road, which made her fall head first into darkness.
-
Ellie slowly opened her eyes and blinked rapidly to the smoldering sun on her face. She reached a hand up to wipe her eye boogers.
Where the fuck am I? The last thing she could remember was her face meeting the road, did she seriously knock herself out?
Ellie could feel her heartbeat wanting to burst out of her chest, and rapidly blinked to clear her vision and see where she could be. A huge bed with huge navy blue covers pulled as far up as her chest. It was positioned in the corner of the room, specifically for the sun to reach the pillow and wake a person with the light and warmth of the sun. The room was not too big, just enough room for a desk next to the bed and a closet in the far corner containing all sorts of clothing. Ellie’s bag rested against an office chair gently tucked under the desk to save space. The walls are a dull cream color with brown accents.
Whoever painted this room needs a reality check.
Ellie scoffed at her thought. When was the last time she laid in a bed with a duvet on top of her? No memory came to mind, never having access to this type of luxury ever, before meeting Joel even. Grabbing the covers, she peeled them away slowly and let them pile up next to her. She looked down to find herself in a black sports bra and boxer briefs with funky looking aliens on them.
Ellie doesn’t remember anything after she fell, covered in blood from head to toe leaving a trail behind from every hole in her body. Bandages were everywhere on her; a white rectangular bandage with a deep red patch on her stomach, several stitches across her arms, a thick gauze wrapped on her left leg, and occlusive dressings on either side of her right shoulder.
Ellie was most definitely unable to do this herself, she didn’t even have that many supplies to patch up her shoulder injury which is worse than anything else on her. Making a move to get up, Ellie swung her legs towards the right, off the bed first and then slowly pushing herself up with an elbow into a sitting position. Ellie let out hisses with every movement and let out a struggled breath through clenched teeth as her elbow stretched her shoulder when moving to sit up.
Her mind raced with so many questions. Where are her weapons, where are her clothes, shoes? Where could she even be? Who saved her? Hands gripping the edge of the bed, She prepared herself to stand up on her injured leg. On a count of three, Ellie pushed forwards and almost crashed face first again until her feet finally moved and quickly reached out to grab the back of the office chair with her backpack in it.
“Fucking hell,” she muttered under her breath. Pulling the chair out slightly, Ellie unzipped the backpack to find her stashed shiv at the bottom.
Ellie had sadly lost her switchblade in the water when fighting her . It’s not like her hands deserved to hold it anymore.
With a white-knuckle grip on the shiv, she kept it close to her body as she limped painfully to the closed door on the other side of the room. Small chatter and clinking could be heard through the door. Ellie focused her hearing and gauged there should be at most two behind the door.
She twisted the knob slowly to avoid any creaking noise and pulled the door open just enough to slip through and push herself up against the parallel wooden wall. The carpet on the floor dug its way in between her toes and felt incredibly weird, but oddly pleasing since she’s never had the chance to really walk barefoot anywhere. Not even the house in Jackson.
Ellie dragged herself against the wall to keep balance and to avoid making any loud noises, taking the advantage of stealth to see who could be in here. There were three other doors she passed until reaching the end of the hall, the kitchen right around the corner where the voices are originating from.
“I’ve heard of communities that have electricity, law, and safety! We should at least try to seek one out and stay there rather than in this house where it's just us.”
It was a girl’s voice, a little shaky with exasperation and significance in every word.
“Honey,” The other woman let out a big sigh, “it’s just too dangerous. What if someone comes in with a bite and doesn’t let anyone know? Being in that type of enclosed space is dangerous . It can go from a thriving city to a festooned one within minutes. It’s just better to be out here and watch each other’s backs.” Ellie peaked around the corner and could see the woman shaking her head, arms wide with shrugged shoulders.
“No. You just don’t want to go to a community because you’d rather put us in danger out here rather than a city with people! Actually people you can talk and hang out with. There’s people who are your age or my age.” The girl’s voice cracked.
“Baby, just listen we-” The woman makes a move to pull the girl closer to her, the girl dodges her advances and begins to storm off. Right towards Ellie.
Ellie’s mind racing already, hides behind the corner, until the girl is just about to see her, when Ellie quickly turns the girl around and pushes them flush against each other and the shiv at her neck.
“Mom!” the girl cried.
“Mave? Hey wait, wait, wait-”
“Who the hell are you two? Now.” Ellie's voice is firm, but shaky, her right shoulder twitches in pain and she uses the girl named Mave to keep from falling over in pain.
“I’m Sani, and this is my daughter Mave. W-We saved you from the road. Mave spotted you from one of the rooftops falling over. You’re in our house.” Sani held her arms wide and hands open, a clear sign of no aggression.
Ellie huffed, could she believe them? Ellie has been tricked, lied, and quite literally almost been turned into cannibal meat.
“Before all this, I was an ICU nurse, I’ve always been stocked in medical equipment. My daughter was the one who pushed me to save you. Please just let her go.” The woman’s voice was clear, no hesitation, no need to think to make something up.
Ellie looked at Sani up and down. She wore blue jeans, a brown brown shirt with a knife strapped across her chest, and another one strapped to her right boot.
“Look, we could have left you to die . Let my daughter go.”
Hard eyes met even harder ones. The shiv in Ellie’s hand already was shaking in pain, if she hurt this kid there would be no way she could fight off Sani and survive.
Ellie blinked and saw herself back in the murky water. A boy with horrifically dried skin, blistered and burning red skin. A glint of her switchblade pressed against the poor boy’s neck to make her participate in a fight to make Ellie feel better. The boy was defenseless, he wasn’t even involved with them and yet she put the glinting knife against his chafing neck. The look on her face was so desperate, so heartbroken, in pain from seeing Ellie do that to someone who didn’t even play a part in her revenge cycle. Standing and fighting Ellie not for herself, but for the survival of her companion, something Joel had done.
A feeling of smoldering regret flowed down from Ellie’s face to her legs, and she quickly snapped back into reality, drawing the shiv away hastily and pushing herself off Mave and into the wall behind her.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Ellie threw the shiv away and slowly slid down the wall to sit. That’s one hell of a way to meet.
-
“Aren’t you a nurse? Where did you even find smokes?” Ellie let out a puff of white cloud and tapped the end of the cigarette to shake off the excess ash.
“I am, but every healthcare worker does something that’s bad for their health despite knowing it's bad.” Sani smiled at her and leaned back in a lawn chair. The pair sat on the porch taking a drag to relax in the summer heat and enjoy the silence besides the trees whistling nearby.
“Aah. Was that a stereotype back then?”
“You should have seen the EMT’s back then. They were addicted to nicotine and zyn ’s like no other.” Sani laughed and shook her head in remembrance.
Ellie had spent nearly over a week with Mave and Sani at their home recuperating from her injuries by the scars. Sani said Ellie was a curse and a blessing, a blessing in seeing someone, a curse in disrupting a routine. After the shiv situation, Sani would come into Ellie’s room with a gun strapped to her waist while checking her bandages or bringing her food and water when it was time. They started having small talk during the times they met, and eventually Sani felt comfortable enough to help Ellie out of her hole and into the kitchen where she could actually share a meal at a table rather than a tray.
Ellie apologized profusely to Mave, but it all boiled down to understanding and they trusted each other enough to have some sort of a friendship flourish in the moments they converse.
Sani and Mave shared their experiences surviving through the pandemic, while Ellie shared her own and leaving out the immunity part. She also told the pair about Jackson, and how well its doing.
Mave had given Sani a side eye, but said nothing as Sani skipped over the topic and into weaponry.
It was now nearing sundown as Ellie sat on the porch with the family. She also knew that her time with them was coming to an end. Ellie had decided that morning that she had to leave tomorrow, her shoulder stitches held firm and the pain in her leg had reduced to a tolerable ache that didn’t require as much assistance before.
She was starting to like these two, starting to create a bond even. Grievously, Ellie believed anyone she began to get close with are eventually going to die if they stay with her any longer than the moment she realizes it. It was becoming increasingly impossible to handle losing anymore people she cared for. Mave was a bright young girl, only a few years younger than Ellie and her eyes reflected an innocence in her heart that Ellie herself no longer had. Sani was a kind woman who had to become hard for the sake of the survival of her daughter in this cruel ass world.
She was warmed with the love Sani had for her daughter and the desire to shield her from the new posing dangers.
“I’m leaving tomorrow.” Ellie let another puff flow gently out of her mouth.
Sani grabbed Ellie's face and turned it to the side to see the bruising, “It’s finally all yellow. A good sign that it’s healing.”
Sani pulled away as Ellie hummed in agreement, smashing the cigarette into the ashtray and grabbing another one. The older woman had 3 full cartons of smokes, grabbing another didn’t hurt.
“Where are you going to go?” A new tone towards Ellie made her eyes widen. It was a curt, but cautious tone, something like a mother’s worry for her kid.
“I’m thinking of heading back to California. Texas has its charming moments, but I… can’t stay.” The ending muttered softly.
“I’ve heard the Colorado River is a sight to see this time of year. Tell me… Tell me about this so-called city of Jackson.”
-
With Ellie’s struggle to sleep at night, she would use the opportunity to write and draw in her journal. There were a few entries, but there were a lot more drawings such as the porch, or Sani cooking and Mave reading a book. There was even one where the two were hugging tightly before leaving to their respective rooms. It made Ellie happy that there was still a soft love surrounded by a tough world and so many obstacles. As expected, the rapt of knuckles hitting the closed door jolted Ellie out of her intensely written entry and spoke softly to allow the person to enter. The door shut softly behind the person before they shuffled their way towards Ellie and threw her covers open to enter them. It was Mave.
A few days after meeting and they were comfortable with each other, Mave would come to Ellie’s room at night to sit and talk, taking advantage of the scarred girl’s inability to sleep. Mave hadn’t seen anyone her age in years and yearned to have a companion that related to the aspects of a teen’s life surviving a deadly apocalypse. Sani did her best to be there for her daughter, but it was understandable that Mave needed someone different , someone who knew exactly how she felt. Mave had a tough life in the beginning, her father died saving her from a man trying to bite her at a Fedra quarantine base and bit him instead. She had to leave her father behind to escape the chaos erupting around her to run all the way home until it burned her lungs to breathe and hot tears dribbled down to her chin.
Mave, only seventeen now, experienced this when she was younger than Ellie, and couldn’t imagine the mental destruction it could have caused her. However, through talking and sharing, Ellie learned that Mave was also hardened at a young age, learning how to use a gun, set traps, kill a few clickers and an exponential number of runners. She had a hard time remembering life before the virus.
And so they would talk until early hours of the morning and when both started to feel drowsy, Mave would gently slip out and back into her room so her mom wouldn’t find out.
Now, Ellie sat up and flipped to another page to draw Mave’s outline as they spoke quietly and muttered back and forth with a flickering candle between them.
“And so when my mom found out that I had been lying to her, she flipped her shit!”
“What did she say?”
“She cussed me out the whole way back home. But I just sat there..”
“Was the kiss that good?”
“ Yes .” Mave bit her lip remembering the memory.
Ellie snorted and smiled when suddenly the clanking of cans was heard down the street.
“Put out the candle.”
“It was probably just the wind-”
“Right now, Mave.” Ellie whispered harshly and gave a pointed look, so Mave pinched the wick between her fingers and they were enveloped in darkness. Ellie got onto her knees, still on the bed and made her way to the window that had black curtains over it to seal the window. Peeling a corner, Ellie looked outside with one eye and it darted to everything she could identify.
“Mom said we cleared this whole street out. It’s no one, probably just a dog or something.” Mave put a hand on Ellie’s shoulder to pull her away from the window. Ellie started to back away and pin the curtain back over when in the corner of her eye, Ellie saw a glowing orange light.
“Wait-” The door behind them flew open and Ellie’s hand found the Taurus under her pillow immediately pointing it at the entry point.
“Girls, we need to move now. It’s those people we saw earlier Mave. I saw eight of them moving house to house.” Sani’s words spewed out of her mouth, lightning fast as she slung her own backpack on.
“Mom, what's with the backpack? What are we going to do? Are we going to run?” Mave’s voice rose in octaves with each question and her mother moved into the room and grabbed her by the shoulders.
“I was packing so we could leave with Ellie tomorrow. She told you about that place right? Jackson? We can go there and Ellie will take us.” Sani looks to Ellie who holstered the Taurus.
“I can take you as far as the border of Wyoming, but I can’t go back to Jackson.” The scarred girl jumped off the bed to slip on her canvas shoes and yanked her backpack out of the chair and slung it and her guns over her shoulder. Ellie slipped the pistol out and reached for the coke bottle on the desk, screwing it onto the barrel of the weapon. “Mave, go get your stuff, we have to get out before they get to the hou-”
A creak of the front door swinging open reverberated along the house.
-
“She’ll be safe in the closet?” Sani stood behind Ellie as they hid along the wall of the room while the Scars made their way through the big house.
“There’s only one way out of this, we have to kill them. There’s too many to just slip by. Listen to me Sani, just follow my lead and I will get you both out of here.” Ellie’s face reflected no fear, no caution, just determination.
“Okay. On your count.” Sani un-holstered a glock nineteen and held it up ready.
Ellie was the first one to exit and followed along the wall, seeing that two of the three doors were open, noises of cabinets and doors opening, searching for resources to take. Ellie went into the first door and Sani went into the next, both pulling out their respective knives and slicing the Scars’ throats open with minimal trouble. They both popped out the rooms with blood flowing down their arms and knowing neither was their own. As they moved, Sani kept her gun facing forward as Ellie turned to see the rooms they entered and the kitchen.
A loud whistle from upstairs froze them in their tracks, five whistles responded but two did not.
“Sani, find cover now.” Ellie nodded her head towards the bathroom.
A loud warning whistle resonated around the house and shouts of names were heard on the outside and inside of the house.
“Ellie watch out!” She nearly ducked in time to avoid an arrow whizzing by her face and pierced the cabinet behind her. Ellie couched behind the stove in the kitchen while Sani was against the bathroom wall.
“Fucking scars.”
“They’re over here! It’s the girl who killed Jess and Sam!” A voice shouted through the broken living room window.
-
Ellie tried. Ellie tried so hard.
The four upstairs died with bullets littering their bodies from both Sani and Ellie’s handy work, but of course there was a brute of a man who swamped the two and kicked them down from the top of the stairs.
Ellie landed on top of Sani, but not without a blood curdling scream right into her ear. She had landed on Sani’s knees and dislocated it so badly the knee cap poked out from the broken skin. Still in her lap, Ellie lifted her Taurus to send her remaining shots at the brute who was trudging slowly down the stairs with a sledge hammer, when the gun clicked thrice, signaling an empty cylinder. That’s when Mave rounded the stairs and sent a buckshot right into the brute’s face, splattering his brains along the steps and the wall. Another went into his torso, confirming the kill.
“I was right on time, huh?” Mave smiled as she reloaded the shotgun, pushing the barrel down and pulling the steaming rounds out and replacing them with another pair of red ones.
“Fuck Ellie, get off me.” Sani cried out and Ellie instantly got up and turned around to access the damage.
“I did good, right?”
“I told you to stay in the closet. You could’ve gotten hurt,” but Sani then smiled, “but you did fucking amazing.”
“I was getting bored, and I can take care of myself mom. You needed me and I was there.”
“I’m so proud of you babygirl, but right now I don’t think I can feel anything below my knee. Can we have a rain check on our love fest?” Sani was hyperventilating.
“We’re gonna have to carry you out, okay? Mave, get on the other side. You can love each other after we get out of the house.” Ellie directed Mave, and Sani put her arms on top of both their shoulders and lifted her up, albeit painfully, onto the one good leg left.
“I got the door.” Mave reached for the front door and twisted the knob, swinging it wide open and a gust of cold night air was let into the home.
They weren’t ready. They forgot there were two more waiting for them when a bullet flew right into Mave as she was the one in the middle of the doorway and the other two off to the side.
“Mave!” Sani cried and dropped with her daughter to put her in her lap, while Ellie raised her pistol and put two in the Scar man’s face.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This can’t be happening to me.” Ellie said to herself excruciatingly. Ellie’s hands shook so hard with the gun as she exited the house and went down the porch stairs scanning to find the final scar.
They’re gonna be fine. She can save them. She can save them .
A shot rang out and nipped Ellie on the outside of her right deltoid before she slid to cover behind a rusty car. Focusing her hearing, she could hear the guard reloading his rifle a few cars down. Ellie began running from car to car all while avoiding the sniper’s shots whizzing by her face.
“Once he’s dead, I can go back. Mave is fine.I can save them. I can go back.” A mantra was whispered as Ellie made her way towards the last row of cars and sufficiently flanked the sniper. Ellie pulled out her own shotgun and stood up, rounding the car just to find herself right behind the Scar she was searching for.
“Stand up.”
“Well, looks like yo-”
I said fucking stand up .” Ellie spat out.
“Okay. Okay.” The scar stood and lowered the rifle from his eye.
“Drop the damn gun.” the rifle clattered to the ground at the feet of the scar.
“Just shoot me already. Her holiness has already accepted my departure from this world. Peace will find me when you kill me. I will be relieved of this vicious world and she will help lead me to my family in the next life. Do what you want to me, but I will live for-”
Ellie swung the machete hard onto the junction of his neck with a loud grunt. Pulling it out, blood smeared Ellie’s face just to bring it down again and sever the head from the Scar’s body.
Ellie brought the machete down once more and the blade remained stuck in the enemy’s skull. She breathed heavily, thick drops of blood dripped down her face and her arms were sprinkled with dark blood that dribbled down sweaty forearms and onto the cracked concrete beneath her.
An agonizing wail was released from the house that had started to become familiar, and Ellie knew what this had meant.
The warm blood inside of her went cold. Time stopped, the world stopped, and nothing moved around her. The only thing Ellie could feel in that moment, as she stood above the decapitated Scar, was the swelling of tears under her eyes and the deep breath she drew in. Stepping over the body, Ellie walked at first and gradually increased speed to a full blown sprint back to the home’s doorway. As Ellie neared, she came to an abrupt stop at the bottom of the steps of the porch and stared.
It was Sani holding Mave’s body in her arms and a bloody hand swiping away the baby hairs that stuck out.
Ellie’s steps faltered backwards, “She’s… Mave…”
“Dead. My baby… is dead.” Sani was in a trance. A trance that took a hold of her the second Mave took her last breath to speak out the everlasting words of an I love you.
“Sani, I… Fuck. Sani.” She choked back a sob.
“Mave… wanted us to leave this place a long time ago, to find a better life, to live a life that was deserving. I refused because I thought others would be dangerous, cause trouble or pull her away from me. My own daughter, the greatest fear that the child you gave birth to and spent your whole life raising, would leave you forever behind. I used to write notes in her lunch box so when she opened it, she’d have a little piece of me with her. When she turned ten, I found a metal box filled with all the notes I’d ever left her under a chair.”
Ellie blinked her tears away rapidly and made her way up, placing a hand on the door jamb to lean on, looking down at the empty shell of a mother and the dead body of a teen with a gunshot in her upper abdomen.
“Did you know she hated me for not letting her go out? She was born just a few years after you, grew up in a Fedra community for a few years before I left with her after her father died. I had an inkling that they were one day going to get overrun and disappear. I was right… it was what made me cautious of big communities.”
Ellie’s heart ached at the scene she was witnessing. Not having a mother herself, Ellie grew up without parental love and instead the friendship of adults until she met Joel. Ellie knew what loss felt like, of friends and family, a parent too, but not a child. There was nothing to be done and nothing could be said to make things better. Ellie had the determination to get both of them out safely and alive, but here she stood looking at one dead body and one who was no longer the same.
No matter how hard she tries, people die around her. It hides in the shadow and lingers where she walks. Death waits to strike and knows the perfect moment to break Ellie into nothing.
Ellie covered her mouth with her right hands and clenched her left until she could feel the nails of her three remaining fingers digging into her skin hard enough to pierce.
“Leave. Please.” Sani spoke softly, not once looking away from her daughter’s face.
“I can’t just leave you here, I can’t. ” Ellie exasperated wetly, her nose beginning to stuff.
“Please. Leave me and my daughter alone. Leave us to rest, let me be with her in peace. I’ll only slow you down. Just, please, leave me alone .”
Ellie was completely reluctant to leave the shocked mother alone, but Ellie had to respect her choice, no questions asked. No matter how much it hurt.
“Okay… Okay, I-I’ll leave. I’m sorry. I should’ve done better.”
“It should have been you.” Ellie took a step back and her heart couldn’t stand it any longer. Something inside of her heart spread to her lungs and stomach, through her throat and to her head. It was suffocating.
She turned around and took the porches step one by one.
Halfway down the street, a gunshot rang behind Ellie and she flinched hard, stopping. Shoulders scrunched and head lowered, she squeezed her eyes shut tightly until stars appeared.
She would not look back. Not once.