Chapter Text
“I didn't fall in love with you; I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you” – Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars
2009
Charlie sighs as he listens to the man on the other end of the telephone.
“Shit” he mumbles. He’s was on the phone with CNN’s news division president, who just happened to be an old friend of his. “And they’re sure it’s her?”
“Yeah, we’re sure. A member of her team is with her right now but he’s just a kid, a fresh senior producer named Jim Harper” Rick pauses “Listen Charlie; I just thought Will should know. He and MacKenzie were…close. And I know their relationship didn’t end on the best terms but I don’t want him hearing this from wire reports”
Charlie swears again. Since Will had come to work for him, Charlie had known that he was dealing with heartbreak. Charlie just had no idea that the woman who had broken his heart was his old EP because Will didn’t like to talk about what had happened between them. All he knew was that this woman had really hurt him, more than Will actually let on. “Alright. Thanks, Rick. I’ll tell him as soon as the show is over”
*
“Um, Sir?”
Will looks up from the notes that he was scribbling on his index cards to the anxious looking young blond girl standing to the side of him near the corner of the anchor desk. He really hated it when people disturbed him during a show but at least it was almost over.
He’s pretty sure her name is Ellen but he decides not to risk it and just taps on his ear piece. “Don’t call me sir and we have twenty seconds back so you should probably clear the studio”. He goes back to jotting down the extra notes his current EP gave him before the break.
The young girl doesn’t leave but just shifts nervously from foot to foot holding onto the small piece of paper in her hands for dear life. “I know Sir-um I mean Will, but I have a message from Mr Skinner asking you to please come straight to his office after the show, its urgent”
She gets it all out in one breath and Will nods dismissively at her. “Okay, clear the studio”. She nods and scampers away.
As they move into the last few minutes of the broadcast Will wonders briefly what the meeting with Charlie is going to be about, although their post-show drinks have been getting more and more serious lately with Charlie hounding him about the content of his show. Charlie doesn’t care about the ratings but he does and it’s becoming a sore point between them. He finds it hard to explain to Charlie that the ratings are all he has now. The higher the ratings, the more they love you. And if they love him he doesn’t have to think about how she hurt him.
Will finishes up the show with no problem and stops by his office to quickly change out of his suit. He finds Charlie sitting at his desk with a glass of whiskey in his hand and another set in front of the vacant seat he knows Will is going to occupy. This can’t be good.
“I see you’ve started without me” Will smirks as he moves into the office and stands in front of Charlie’s desk.
Charlie doesn’t return his smile, instead just nodding to the vacant seat in front of him motioning for Will to sit down. He does and he hasn’t even taken his first sip when Charlie stars talking.
“Will, I’ve just gotten off the phone with Rick Kaplan, your old news director at CNN”. Charlie pauses then, taking a sip from his glass and Will looks up at him confused as to where the conversation is going. “He just informed me that a few hours ago, MacKenzie McHale was stabbed while covering a protest in Islamabad.”
Will feels his heart stop and his breath catch at the mention of her name. All the feelings that he thought he had buried deep down come roaring to the surface again but he says nothing and just looks at Charlie with an emotionless face. All that Will can really think is that she must be dead. Charlie would only be telling him this if she was dead, right? He just stares straight ahead and steadies himself for the worst.
When he doesn’t respond Charlie just keeps speaking. “She was stabilised at a local hospital but she’s being air lifted out of Pakistan as we speak, to the nearest U.S military hospital. She’s still critical but they think she will be alright, we’ll only know once she’s been treated at military hospital”
At those words he lets out the breath that he had been holding and tunes Charlie out. He can see that the man’s lips are moving but his brain doesn’t process it. All he hears is the chorus of MacKenzie stabbed MacKenzie stabbed MacKenzie MacKenzie MacKenzie thumping in his head. He shuts his eyes and tries to regain control of his emotions and push all thoughts of her away. He had spent much of their time apart trying to erase the image in his head of her and Brian Brenner. Every time he felt like he had forgiven her, or missed her or had the urge to pick up the phone and tell her to come home; the image of her and Brenner would pop into his head and the pain of it all came back in a flash. So he buries it all and focuses on the one thing he does have: his work. She’s alive so she will be fine; he doesn’t need to worry about her if she’s still alive.
“Will? Will say something. It’s gotten strange now, are you able to hear me speaking?”. Charlie’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts.
Will shakes his head and leans forward in his chair, grabbing his drink and downing it in one go. “Yeah, I heard everything you said”
“Well, are you okay? Do you need to take some time off work or-” but Will cuts him off.
“I’m fine and no I don’t need to take any time off” he stands abruptly and begins to move towards the door.
“Will, wait. Don’t you want to talk about this? Or find out where she is and maybe go and see her?”
That stops will in his tracks.
“Go and see her?!” Will asks turning back to Charlie and looking at him disbelievingly.” She’s the one who decided to go to that war zone Charlie. She sent herself there after bludgeoning on my heart, so forgive me if I don’t immediately run to her side!” He’s seething now. It’s not that he hates her, because he doesn’t. He just can’t let her in again; he just can’t open that door again. He experienced it over and over again with his father; Will forgave him and then his dad would just turn around and hurt him again. He can’t let himself be vulnerable again.
Charlie gives him a sympathetic look and comes out from around his desk to stand next to him. “I know she hurt you, but I really think you should go and see her. If not that at least call her”
Will shakes his head vehemently, his anger and pain clouding his judgement. He shrugs off Charlie’s attempts to comfort him and walks out the office. He can hear Charlie calling out after him, telling him to reconsider but he just ignores it. He plans to find the nearest bar and drown his sorrows. He just wants to bury the feelings that have come to the surface. He hasn’t replied to any of her email, texts or calls in the last two years. He’s not about to start now.
Will leaves the ACN building and heads to the bar across the street that he knows the staff love. He doesn't go there often because he generally doesn't like to socialise with the people from work and he’s in no mood to see or speak anyone but he’s desperate for a drink. He’s desperate to forget.
He gets to Hang Chews and he recognizes a few people from the office so he opts to sit alone near the entrance at the bar. Before Will can even order a drink, one is placed in front of him. He looks up at the woman behind the bar in surprise.
“Double whiskey, neat. Saw you coming in, you look like you could use it” the bartender says in way of explanation. Will has been to Hang Chew’s a few times for drinks with Charlie but he’s never seen this woman before. She must be new. He notes that she looks older that the staff they usually have working here, maybe mid 50’s? There is something oddly familiar about her crystal blue eyes and blond hair.
He nods and mumbles a thank you before downing the drink. The woman just chuckles and pours him another.
“Only one thing can drive a man to drink like this: love”
Will scoffs at that. “I don’t love her” he mumbles into looking down into his now full glass.
“Honey, if she’s got you all messed up like this; you must have some strong feelings for her.” The woman leans on the bar and looks him square in the eye.
“You don’t even know me, how could you possibly know how I’m feeling?”
The woman shrugs and unnecessarily runs a cloth over the already dry bar top. “I think I know you pretty well William Duncan McAvoy”
He bristles at that. “How do you know my full name?”
She just laughs and shrugs again “I told you I know you better than you think”
“I highly doubt that. I have the second most watched new broadcast in the country so you probably just googled it”
“Well someone’s mighty full of themselves!” she says and Will can hear a hint of a Midwestern accent in her voice.
“It’s true, those are just the facts. The people of America love me!” he says smugly.
“Yeah but you and I both know that supposed ‘love’ you feel from the audience will never fill the hole MacKenzie left”. Wills head snaps up at that and his eyes lock on her clear blue ones.
“What did you just say?”
“I said that the answers you’re looking for won’t be found in the bottom of that glass. I think you’re gonna regret that in the morning.”
Was he drunk already? He could have sworn he heard MacKenzie’s name come out of her mouth. Maybe he was just hearing what he wanted to hear.
Will shrugs and tips the glass to her in salute before he downs the amber liquid again. “Yeah well, I live a life of no regrets”
“Really Will? You don’t think that you will one day regret not replying to MacKenzie’s emails or calls? Or even going to see her after she was stabbed? Because I can tell you right now that you will”
He’s shocked and a little freaked out. “How do you know about all of that? I’ve never told anyone that”
The woman just smiles at his confusion. “I know many things, Will. I know that MacKenzie hurt you but you still love her and that will never change. I know your father hurt you, your mother and your siblings; and that makes it hard for you to forgive. I also know that you are scared to go and see her now, despite the fact that she is hurt but you not going to her will change the course of both your lives forever”
“Who in the hell are you?” Now he was thoroughly scared. Obviously she was a stalker, whoever this woman was.
“Just think of me as an old friend; someone who’s looking out for you”
Will just jumps up and shakes his head. Obviously his mind was playing tricks on him and he was more intoxicated than he thought. He just needs to go home and sleep it off. He digs out his wallet and drops a few bills on the bar top.
“I don’t know who you are, or what game you’re playing at but I want no part of it.”
“It’s not a game Will, it’s your life. Clearly you are more stubborn than I expected and it will take a lot more convincing to help you see what a mistake you are making by not going to see her”
Will decides that he’s done with the conversation and abruptly leaves the bar. It’s been a long night and all he wants to do is sleep.
“You’ll never be truly happy without MacKenzie! You’ll see!” she calls out after him.
He elects to ignore her and hurries out to the street to hail a cab. Even in his relatively intoxicated state, he has no trouble finding one and really he’s just glad that no one has recognised him. He really doesn’t need this ending up in the tabloids.
Will manages to get home in one piece and he immediately stumbles into bed. All he really needs is a good night’s sleep, so that he can just forget for a couple of hours. He really needs to forget MacKenzie McHale, but as he succumbs to slumber all he can think about are the words of the woman from the bar.
**
When he begins to come to consciousness the next morning, the first thing Will is aware of is the warm weight of someone else on top of him.
Although his head feels a little cottony, there is calm that he hasn’t felt in a while and it was the first time in years that he had woken up feeling refreshed. He’s buried in a mound of sheets and the body against him is comfortably snuggled into is chest. He can’t really remember much of last night or even if he came home with someone; and despite the fact that he didn’t usually cuddle with the woman he bedded, Will didn’t really mind the feeling of this woman on top of him. Her hair smelled like lavender shampoo and there was something oddly familiar about the way she was wrapped around him.
He cracks his eyes open and is immediately met with a mop of dark hair spread out over his chest; which was strange since he had made an effort to avoid brunettes since she broke his heart. He lets his eyes adjust to the light and as he looks around he realises that he does not recognise anything in the room.
Where the hell was he? And who was he in bed with?
Will, lifted his head and craned his neck down slightly so he could see the woman’s face past her mounds of hair…and his breath caught. This wasn’t possible.
In shock he felt himself jump up and off the bed, effectively dumping her sleeping body onto the bed in one swift motion. The woman in question was jerked awake, and looking up at him through confused and sleep heavy eyes. Now that he could really see her face properly, there was no denying it…
It was MacKenzie McHale.