Archive of Our Own

Where one would say it was a quiet night- well, this was anything but that.

Cheers and laughter were heard down below, knights and Hilda's people mingling in the tavern and basking in the afterglow of their victory over the Grand Melee. He himself had indulged a fair bit in the celebrations... until finally remembering, once again, to tend to his injury; so lovingly gifted to him from that obnoxious Cyclops.. Thus after nabbing a bottle of wine and fresh bandages, he disappeared up to his room and to the moment he finds himself now.

Pulling the bandage taut around his bicep, he put the roll between his teeth as he reached for his dagger and with a quick swipe the linen was cut short. Once the edge was secured he felt himself in the mood for a little fresh air, grabbing the bottle of wine as he meandered- more stumbled toward the window to flip the latch that was the only thing between him and his current goal. The window doors easily popped open, welcoming the Coerthan chill within and he accepted the breeze readily, the cool air feeling pleasant on his flushed face.

With the wind in his hair and with the occasional swig of the wine, his mind easily began to drift, thinking of his next plans, pondering on what's to come tomorrow. He wondered what Eliael was up to, it was always inevitable his mind would wander to her one way or another- he couldn't help it in regards to his bleeding heart.

If he had to guess Eliael was currently getting the scales on her horns talked off by the Lord commander that had become so infatuated with her.

Not that he has any right to complain, Aymeric would at least treat her far better than he had as of late. It still made him feel sick to the stomach when he recalled that exact moment he raised his voice- well more accurately shouted at her, and in response she actually flinched. A lapse in composure, after the anti-tower..

"'Why didn't you save her? Protected her like you promised..'" He quietly repeated. Knowing what she's been through in his absence, the very words had to have cut her deeper than any other blade and it came from his own mouth. Then the cold cruel reality set in with immediate regret.

He knew better, he knew so much better.. Eliael had at least tried, she fought with her damn life to bring Minfilia back, for her.. and for him.. Yet he can't even look her in the eye and tell her the truth about Hojo: the man she viewed as brother and mentor both. And he just had to blame her, lash out at her out of pain and regret.

The damage was long done, and all he could was suffer the consequences of his actions and numb the pain with the bottle.

Another drink of the bottle, and he began to hear the excitement of children down below.

"Eli!"

"HI ELI!"

Upon looking down, sure enough there she was, she looked so exhausted but she wore a warm smile on her face regardless as he knew how she adored those kids. Since when did she let her hair down..? Did she and- no, not going down that path.. He was relieved to see her safely returned, that's all that mattered. 

He shifted his mind into figuring out what she was up to rather than the reason for her not wearing her preferred hairstyle, anything to not think about whether or not a certain Lord-commander laid his hands- 

' Gods! Pull yourself together, Thancred!'

Knowing her he could only imagine Eliael was dying to lay out her blankets on the floor and stretch out in front of the fireplace as it was the closest thing to home for her, and in that thought it was the closest thing to home for him. He couldn't help the small smile that graced his grim expression as he recalled the days where he'd walk outside to find the au'ra laying out on a flat boulder to absorb the rays of the morning sun, some of the few moments where she seemed completely at peace, just for a moment shaking off the title of Warrior of Light and got to simply enjoy herself.

But as he watched her face now, it shifted into a frown as concern was plainly written and when she spoke her voice was faint caused by the odd position of his room and he could barely make out what she was saying from her lips. The obvious reasons being that he was obviously drunk, and the other reason was he got way too distracted just by watching her.

A young raven haired boy stepped up, from the way he appeared to be older than the others to which he could only assume it was Olpert which he wouldn't be able to confirm unless he turned around.

Immediately she shook her head at whatever he uttered. As she stepped towards the boy, Thancred believed he managed to catch the briefest glimpse of sadness flash across her face before she leveled a look towards him. She muttered something Thancred wasn't able to quite make out, but once the children turned around and left, he figured she likely told them all to go home. And there she was, left alone with her thoughts which seemed to weigh heavy on her heart and soul. Gods, anything he'd do to help relieve her burden, to help heal the pain he caused..

Once the breeze came he thought he could see her scales bristle from here as he watched half-amused as she rushed to get inside. He half-contemplated paying her a visit while he has the opportunity to. Feeling the weight of the near-empty bottle in his hand, if he were of a more sound mind he'd immediately talk himself out of it. 'It'd be for the best.' Is the excuse he'd usually give himself, that she deserves so much better than the drunk, pathetic mess of a man he is. Yet he couldn't help but selfishly want to see her face, hear her voice.

He shouldn't.. he really shouldn't..

And yet..

//

Cold, cold, COLD!

Her face was numb, her fingers and feet were numb. Previously she had forgotten to tighten the piece of cloth that kept her hair bound in it's braid and now it's gone to the wind!! How could anyone live in this?? She certainly couldn't! What she'd give to be anywhere warmer at this very godsdamned moment.

The moment she got inside she was rushing to finally get to her room and in front of a fireplace, slipping past the people before they could recognize her and rope her into the celebrations. While the fireplace would suffice, nothing could ever truly replace the warmth of Mor Dhona or Thanalan- what she'd give to feel the sun on her face again.. to have the fun and personal conversations with Thancred whenever he'd inevitably come to find her. 

Once she got past the innkeep, she stopped briefly by Thancred's door as she heard small sounds coming from within. Maybe she should check in on him, see how he was fairing as she'd been worried about him since the melee.. admittedly she's been worrying for him for a long while.

She stepped toward the door, hearing the floor creak beneath her foot and immediately followed by the sound inside coming to a halt.

Everything stood still for what felt like minutes ; realistically, it had only been a few heartbeats. She lifted her hand to knock. What would she even say to him? 'Hey how are you?' Should she even admit she was worried or would he brush her off, insisting that he was fine?

It was one of those moments she wished Hojo was there to provide his invaluable guidance. He always knew what to do and when she needed him the most he was missing with no clue as to where he was. Her hand hovered over the surface of the door, her voice lodged in her throat as she wanted to speak yet the words elude her.

Would he even want to see her..?

'Why didn't you save her?'

His words from the antitower rang out in the back of her mind, and immediately the tears began to well up in her eyes.

Eliael dropped her hand after wiping her eyes and set her sights on heading back to her own room. The pain weighed heavy, as it should. Minfilia, Haurchefant; they were stark reminders of the harsh reality that she would never be strong enough; that she could never save everyone... It made her wonder, was Hojo even alive? Or did she fail him too?

Once she got past the stairs and another hallway, she finally reached her room and gods was she ready to hide away, shedding off the layers of her clothes till all she was left in was an oversized shirt and a pair of pants. Eliael snatched one of the blankets from the bed and bundled herself up in it before promptly jumping onto the bed and rolling over onto her front to complete her transformation into a sad, pathetic flatbread wrap..

She couldn't understand it, why give her this gift if she cannot protect those closest to her? To protect those she loves from heartbreak? There had to be some way she could bring back Minfilia, then maybe he wouldn't hate her anymore. 

Thinking back on the day's events, she recalled Thancred's teasing of her and Ser Aymeric. The forced grin he wore as he spoke, his tense voice as he tried his hardest to keep a laid-back tone with her, but she wasn't stupid. He thought he could hide it, but she wasn't blind to the enmity behind his eyes. What she couldn't tell, however, was whether it was directed at her, or something else which bothered him.

Her heart was near bursting with all the things she wished to say to him, yet ultimately all she could do was lay there and sigh as she desperately wished for some guidance in her time of emotional need.

'Just sleep, you can better things in the morrow..'

So her eyes slid close to let the dark embrace of sleep consume her, every muscle and bone in her body working to relax as she-

There were footsteps coming from further down the hall outside her room, they sounded heavy as whoever it was stumbled their way down the hall. The au'ra craned her head towards the door, entirely puzzled. Then it finally hit her. 'Ah.. Probably just some drunken sod from downstairs.' She guessed, shrugging with a soft hum before returning to sleep.

Right as the person was supposed to pass her room, they had collapsed against the door with a rough thud and a low pained groan. "Ah.. fuck. ."

Did she just hear..? Eliael rolled around to free herself from her self-imposed blanket prison. She waited for a moment, then another, trying to see if she wasn't just imagining things. Finally the knock came.

"Eli? You in there?" His words came slurred as she heard him shift against the door.

'Oh Nhaama help me.'

"Thancred?" She nearly lept out of the bed to answer the door. 

The moment she turned the handle, the combination of his weight on the door and the lack of anything holding said door secure, it simply swung open. " wHA-! " He hit the floor with a heavy thud . 

Shit . "Thancred!" Eliael bent down to help the poor man back on his feet, pausing upon seeing the bandage on his arm. ' Just a scratch my arse!'  "Gods, how much were you drinking this time?!"

"Ahhh, only a lil bit..." It was clear as day that he had over indulged. His eyes were glazed, face flushed, and his ul'dahn accent mixed heavily with his lominsan drawl. Moreover, he could hardly keep himself upright. "Shorry to have crashed in.. literally.."

Eliael let out an annoyed sigh. "How did you even make it up the stairs?? I'm surprised you didn't fall down and crack your head open like a yol egg!"

He let out a laugh that was a little too loud in comparison to how he usually carried himself. "Very, verryy .. slow.. And careful."

She rubbed her face within her free hand as she mumbled. "Gods I can't believe this…." Then, Eliael slung his arm over her shoulder as she hoisted him up onto her back as she effectively began to drag him towards her bed.

"Mnnnh.. no, no.. I can head back to my own room.." Thancred protested, lazily patting her arm in protest as he tried to walk despite how clumsy he was in this particular instant.

"You are not walking back on your own in the state you're in, this time you would fall down the stairs!" Bemoaned the au'ra, sitting him down on the edge of the bed and then forced him to lay down with a simple command. "Lay down." 

As she turned towards the cabinet he immediately sat back up with confusion coloring his face. "Where're you off to..?"

She pulled out some blankets before stacking a couple pillows on top at a precarious angle as she returned to the bed with her hoard of bedding.  "If you think I'm gonna drag you down the hallway, down the stairs , you're a daft fool." The bedding was dumped on the bed as if to punctuate her point before proceeding to sit down on the bed beside him. “Why would you even go through all the trouble to come up here anyways? Let alone to see me?”

It took a solid five seconds of him staring blankly up at the ceiling for her words to fully register. His expression contorted into one of confusion as he turned back towards her. “What do you mean? It’s been a fair while since we-” An inconvenient hiccup cut through his thoughts, so he paused for a couple seconds to recollect. Ultimately he let out a sigh and half-mumbled, “Worried ‘bout you..

Eliael's brows furrowed together, feeling completely bewildered. “Wha- Why?” She supposed maybe they were still friends yet they were nowhere near as close as they had been in the past, and it didn’t change the fact she had still let him down ..

"I've just.. fallen out of the loop of what's been goin' on with you- though I know that is mostly my own fault as I've had treated you like utter shite ..” He then fell silent as he watched her face for a few moments, watching as she fell into confusion as he knew she couldn't fully grasp his words. There was a solid moment of sobriety as he spoke, "After you came back from the tower I was.. angry, hurting.. hated that I was left so helpless to do anything.. But that's no excuse for me lashing out at you, saying that to you. And in so doing I broke my promise to Hojo that I'd protect you, watch out for you.." With a deep sigh he casted his gaze toward the ceiling. "Alphinaud was right, in that I don't know a damn thing about what you went through while I was gone.. that I attacked you for a choice Minfilia ultimately made. So I'm sorry.."

Shock washed over her like a cold wave, she didn't know where to even begin with any of that. She wanted to cry, unable to give voice to the words lodged in her chest.

She's not given a chance as he cleared his throat, the slurred speech immediately returning. "So uh... How did the visit with that Aymeric fellow, go? He's been treatin' you well, yeah? I'll give 'em a good whappin' if he hasn't..." He tried to give her a grin, but it was so... forced ; as though saying the words pained him severely and he was pretending as though he weren't .

…..Was he serious?

In that moment she wanted to cry and scream! Bastard just drops all of that on her and then all else he could think of to talk about was Aymeric???

"Thancred.." She let out a long sigh, reaching for the bedding to spread it out for him- needing some sort of task to help maintain some semblance of a level head as he hardly can keep a coherent thought. "You need sleep . You're injured, tired, drunk out of your MIND , you are done for the day." 

"Doesn't answer my question." He gave her a lopsided smile, attempting to bring light-heartedness into the topic.

Heat flared up in her breast as the au'ra let out a huff and turned back towards him with a growl. "If you're asking if we're together we're not . I do not feel for him that way and I've told him as much so there's nothing between us but mutual respect and none of that is your business." She hotly replied, roughly placing the pillows on the space behind him. 'Even though it involves you..'

Just as she realized how hostile her tone had been, his smile faded. "Washn't meanin' to upset you, Eli, I'm sorry."

She couldn't help the remorse she felt in her whole being, why was it so hard to keep her tone in check?! "It's.. fine, I don't wanna talk about it anymore. Please just.. try to sleep.." With a short exhale, she reached for the pillows at the head of the bed, positioning them around the wall in a curved shape. Admittedly, it would not be as comfortable as she have would have prefered, as there wasn't enough bedding to make a solid pile. Plus, she could never bring herself to ask for more.

A soft laugh came from beside her, and when she turned toward the source, all she saw was Thancred giving her one of the biggest grins she'd ever seen from him. There was a look in his eye that she.. couldn't quite place other than he looked.. happy?

Finally she managed to give words to the question that had gotten stuck in her throat. "What's so funny?"

He laid back, there was an air of coyness in his tone as he spoke. "Nothin', you're just cute, you with all your nests. Though you're adorable when you're doin' just about anything."

One.. two.. 

Finally the words registered with her as she froze , in contrast her tail was suddenly animated, rising half way up into the air before slamming down against the sheets. Damn him and his.. his stupid.. charm? His stupid charm!!

She had half a mind of whacking him with a pillow, but ultimately she turned to grab the blankets as a dark flush bloomed across her face. " Goodnight, Thancred..." She flatly said, curling up beneath the blankets, and peaking at him from where she'd buried her face into her pillow.

In return he simply mumbled "G'night.." as he continued to just.. stare at her, and she couldn't help but stare back. Then, he reached out to gently cup the side of her face and whispered. "Gods, you're so beautiful.."

What was he doing???

'Beautiful. Beautiful?!' Eliael sucked in a breath, eyes widening as time seemed to stand completely still and quiet save for the sound of her pounding heart vibrating in her horns, feeling the weight and warmth of his hand on her cheek. He then moved in abruptly, pressing his lips against hers in a tender kiss. 

The au'ra tensed up with a soft squeak upon contact, trying to process what was even happening . 'Is he kissing me? GODS HE'S KISSING ME!' He moved in closer, desperate for contact as he drank deeply of her and she couldn't help but to give in, not that she was putting much of a fight to begin with. His heat and scent overwhelmed her senses and left her feeling weak , moving his mouth in a way that made her tail shiver and curl in on itself. What was she supposed to do?? Well kiss him back one would suppose! She grabbed onto his arm, seeking to ground herself as she tried to match his pace, albeit Eliael was clumsy, sloppy.

Her reception spurred him on, his hand moving from her face, down her side and finally landed on her rear as he pulled her closer to him. Unthinkingly she pressed herself against him, drawing a leg up to slot between his and in response he let out a muffled sound and pulled away. The heated look he gave was enough to make her want to melt away like wax against flames. 'Nhaama help me..'

Yet there was a sober look in his eyes that seemed like he realized what they were doing, what he started. So Thancred gave her a soft smile before he leaned back in to press a kiss to her forehead. "G'night, Eli.." He whispered softly, withdrawing back to his side of the bed, moving his hand to settle on her own.

She just stared as he finally drifted off to sleep, her blood running like fire in her veins and her lungs struggling to find air until Eliael forced herself to take even breaths, eventually speaking up. "Thancred??" Upon speaking his name, he didn't respond. Maybe he just didn't hear her, so she tried again. "Thancred?"

Nothing.

He cannot be serious right now.

Eliael lightly pinched his cheek, trying to wiggle his head around to see if he'd wake and.. he didn't.

He. Was. Out .

Would it be appropriate to scream? Maybe not..

Abruptly she slammed her face into the pile of pillows and screamed . When she pulled up her heart was pounding like she'd been chased by a stampede of antelopes, she was overwhelmed with confused muddled emotions; chest tight as she forced herself to take deep breaths.

She turned her attention back to Thancred, blissfully sound asleep.

'Godsdamned bastard! IS HE SERIOUS!?'

The nerve of him!! Yet gods what did this mean??

Was he even gonna remember this? If so then does he actually feel something towards her or was this a brainless drunken mistake?

Any of all possible scenarios ran through her head and she felt an anxious pit in her stomach, what was she supposed to even do at this moment? Perhaps she should wait for Varean to return to help her carry Thancred back- ..however if he knew what just took place then Varean's likely to throw him out into the snow, and the other two were certainly off the table as Broll would do the same and V'leera would help them.

A shiver came over her as she focused on the phantom feeling of his hands on her, and the faint taste of alcohol left behind on her lips, simultaneously she became all too aware of how hot and sensitive she felt. Instinctively she dropped back down onto the pillows, curling in on herself whilst her tail flicked back and forth in an erratic manner, unable to redirect her overwhelming emotion anywhere else.

When she looked at Thancred, that singular moment played in her mind vividly over and over.

'Nhaama help me what am I to do?'

She should sleep- she'll feel better in the morning, right? Unfortunately she knew full well sleep wouldn't come nearly as easily for her as it did for him. 'Honestly a drink doesn't sound too bad right about now..'

Eliael forced herself to turn away, pulling her side of the covers up and over her head to fully enshroud herself in darkness, praying to just cease existing for one moment and then return completely fine. 

She'll be fine, it'll all be fine.. right?

//

Bright light shone through the window as the sun's light reflected off the fresh snow that coated the ground. What sounds beautiful was instead a major insult to his senses.

To say he felt like shite would be a massive understatement; his head hurt, his entire body was sore and ached as yesterday's events fully settled in and the bright morning- if it even was morning, did nothing but make it so much worse.

The bed, albeit a little awkward than usual, was relatively comfortable for a small blessing and he found himself rather tempted to simply doze and sleep off his ailments. A lot more pillows than he was used to-

Wait.

Suddenly Thancred was all too aware of his environment, and it prompted him to sit up and look around. The room was laid out similar to his, however there was a bag that wasn't his, a couple books, an all too familiar axe leaning against the wall .

'Oh no .. no, no, no, no… '

Everything came flooding back as his gaze fell on the woman beside him and for a moment he almost couldn't register what he was seeing or how to react. Eliael was still sound asleep, her hair an utter mess from what seemed to be a restless night, one of her legs loosely draped over him along with her tail. Against his better judgement his gaze went further down, immediately noticing the way the shirt had fallen off her shoulder and revealed one side of her chest. Immediately he tore his eyes away, gods what was he thinking?!

He damn near leapt out of the bed, freezing in place when he heard the disturbed noise she made. Turning to look at her, she turned over, appearing to either be cold or just starting to wake up, whatever it meant he took it as his cue to leave before things turned significantly worse. Slipping out was easy, though he got a little stripped up on the staircase down as not even the heightened adrenaline in his veins could stave off the sharp headache he was experiencing. He wasn't going to even bother with putting on all his gear at this moment, needing to leave her room and getting some water being at the forefront of his mind.

There didn't seem to be many people judging by the amount of voices he heard as he approached, yet right as he reached the bottom and rounded the corner, he saw Krile right there treating herself to breakfast. 'Gods just strike me down..'

Pure dread struck him as she turned her head towards him and her expression turned into one of light surprise. "I'd say good morning however someone doesn't seem to be having a good morning at all considering the state you're in." The lalafell piped up.

With an awkward chuckle he carded his fingers through his hair as to attempt to keep the demeanor. "Ah well you know, beat up a cyclops, indulged a bit in the celebrations a fair bit- a little too much to be honest."

Krile's eyebrows raised. "A cyclops now? Are your charms getting a little rusty?" She questioned, a large grin spreading across her face.

"Nah, I think he merely jumped to conclusions only to learn the hard way I wasn't interested." Thancred retorted, earning a small giggle from her as he  finally moved in to take a seat at the table.

After a long sip of her coffee, she exhaled in content before promptly returning her haze toward him. "Apologies for prying again, however while we're on the topic; for whom exactly are you saving all that charm for?"

'Gods, why me? ' He internally cursed himself with a shake of his head. Might as well humor her, whilst silently praying to the twelve she doesn't catch on. "Well, there is someone." He then took a breath and proceeded to speak his words quieter, carefully placing each syllable. "However she could settle for far better than I- she deserves better.." Thancred ended, reminding himself of how he's treated her, the events of the night prior weighing on him like a sack of jagged bricks.

Krile tilted her head, apparently catching onto his tone. "Did you do something to wrong her?"

Well he wasn't going to be able to deny it so in response he nodded. "Yeah, you could say that.."

Footsteps came swiftly down the stairs and the sound quickly caught the Lalafell's attention. "Oh! Good morning, Eliael!" The drop of her name made his stomach sink as if it were lead .

He turned around, and there she was, all dressed to set off into the cold once more.

She looked exhausted , he didn't cause that for her- did he? Her tail was coiled around her leg and when she met eyes with him, despite looking not anywhere close to being fully awake, frustration and confusion were written clear on her face. "Sleep well?" The au'ra merely said, not so much as a genuine question rather than just words to give voice to her frazzled and discontented state before just promptly walking past them in favor of the stairs.

"Eli-" He attempted to speak up, though he didn't have a godsdamned clue of what to say, yet she didn't stop, or really seem to register he said anything at all. As he watched her leave he was left feeling.. defeated. If he was responsible with his drink neither of them would be in this situation..

"Oh.." Krile muttered, unintentionally catching his attention as he then watched all the dots be connected in the scholar's head. She merely repeated herself. "Ooohhhh dear …."

One thing was clear; he was screwed.