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I cannot recall how many times I have died anymore. How many painful ways to go I have experienced, some quick, some dragging out - only to wake up again every time and face the nightmare realm once more.
I have come to Yharnam with a purpose, a goal, but this town like no other has rid me of this goal within… how long has it been? It has been an endless night of the hunt, with no morning to be seen and the moon hanging above us every waking or not waking moment.
Am I even awake anymore? You think it all a mere bad dream he said to me when infusing me with Yharnam blood - I am not able to wake from this bad dream anymore though.
The beast is growing inside of me, the more blood vials that I use and the longer I hunt. It is scaring me to the point that I thought I'd lose my mind and become one of the many mad folks roaming the plague ridden streets between the countless cathedrals.
I had wanted to give up. I had been trying to find a way out of this endless cycle but Gherman, the old hunter in the hunter's dream… the contract we have is absolute. I won't get out again unless I finish what I have started. But trying again and again, just to feel the blood of beasts boil inside you while you spread it on the pavement with your axe, dying over and over again - I have almost given up.
And then I died in front of Byrgenwerth - and you took in my corpse.
You did not know that I would vanish soon and reawaken at the lamp I have lit last and still you opened the gates to the school of Insight and dragged my torn body inside.
The next time I fought myself through the forbidden woods and stranded at the closed gates of the institute by the lake, you let me in once more, even though I seemed a ghost to you. You trusted me, in a world full of beasts and madmen, you let me into your home that Byrgenwerth became and showed me hospitality and safety. It was the first time in a long while that I have felt like talking to yet another human, even though Gherman is always there and I have met a few during the night - but it had never felt like this.
I felt alive again, sane and not lost.
It had been an encounter like never before, with us both having been by our own or in the company of beasts for so long that we wanted nothing else but talk and converse, or just look at each other while not fearing that the other one would pull out a cleaver and attack you the next second. The feeling of safety warmed my very being when we embraced each other, two lost souls that had never met before, in the flickering light of the candles.
I will never forget it, the yearning that took hold of us with a soft grip, so much different than the monstrous urge for blood. I felt seen in your eyes, as a human, not a hunter anymore, just a mere human.
Now I sit by your side, holding your hand as you lay on the same clinic table as I had laid on what seems to have been an eternity ago. Iosefka's clinic is where it all started for me and now you will follow me onto the path of being a hunter.
This is our only chance. A horrendous price to pay for it, but to leave this nightmare called Yharnam, we must venture into its heart first. If we find the core of this world, fulfill our contract as hunters, we will finally be free.
There it is, the blood that will soon flow in your veins, together with the caryll rune etched into your mind and make you a hunter. Do not worry, I will be by your side the whole time, until you awake again and join me in my hunt. Our hunt it will be and I promise you that we will get through this together to see the sun rise once more and feel its warmth on our faces.
You have made me feel hope again, and I hope I can return this feeling to you in the darkest hours of the hunt, as we face the great ones together.
Now sleep, and when you awake again, I will still hold your hand, Sascha.