Chapter Text
Lorelai sighed, scuffing her feet on the museum floor as the group walked, trailing behind as usual. She hated this whole stupid tour. And her stupid Mom and sister for convincing her to come instead of another stupid shift.
“Epithets. Rare powers. Some people got `em, some people don`t.” droned the tour guide. Well, at least Lorelai could find solace in that. The guide seemed to hate everything as much as she did. And she had killer nail polish.
“Okay, who here can tell me what some who has an Epithet is called? If you`re not five, you should probably know.” She said lifelessly.
“An Inscribed…” mumbled the kids.
“And if you don`t have an Epithet?”
“A Mundie.” The group said in tandem. Geez, these kids were soul-sucked. Lorelai probably looked like that too, from the outside. She was one of the “grown-ups” on the trip, because apparently sixteen was the age you got to be considered an adult for field trip purposes.
Lorelai`s Mom nudged her side. “Isn`t this nice, Bun? Gah, I feel like such a parent, chaperoning field trips, helping my girl out with a worksheet!”
Lorelai resisted the urge to scowl. “Mom, Molly didn`t even ask for your help, she had it down. And – and can you please stop calling me that in public?”
She had been stuck with the nickname “Bun” since the fateful day she had announced that her favourite animals were bunnies, and she wanted to only eat carrots and other rabbit-y foods. The carrot-only phase didn`t last long, but Lorelai still liked rabbits, and so the nickname persisted.
“What, calling you Bun?” her Mom teased. “Only when you choose a new favourite, which`ll be never, Bun-Bun~”
“Mom…” Lorelai felt the overwhelming urge to just run. Or hide or leave or anything that would take her out of the public eye so she couldn`t be embarrassed. Lorelai trailed behind the group a bit more.
The tour guide had stopped pointing out various items around the room, and was asking a question that Lorelai just heard the last snippet of. “– hands, who here is Inscribed?”
Predictably, Molly and two of her classmates raised there hands. Mom grabbed Lorelai`s hand and raised it for her, and a huge wall of a man who had just been transporting boxes also thrust his hand into the air with a quiet “Ooh, pick me, I can show them my Epithet!”.
“Ugh, fine – Wow, you must be very lucky, only about one in five people have an Epithet! What does yours do?” The dark-haired guide said, oozing fake enthusiasm in Molly`s direction. Why was this woman even working at a museum, if she hated kids and didn`t care about the historical aspect?
“Uh, yeah! Thanks, I uhm – my Epithet,” Molly fumbled with her words. Poor, silly, weird Molly. A workaholic and caffeine drinker by age twelve, Lorelai thought she might never get Molly to act like an actual kid. “It`s Dumb. Like, it`s Dumb, as in not dumb but the word – uh…”
“O-kay, we`re not getting much out of you, who`s next?” The huge man waved his hand frantically. “Lady Mera, I can tell them!”
“Fine! Fine, Indus, you tell them your Epithet!” The woman, likely Mera, snapped. Indus posed dramatically, smiling ecstatically.
“Your boredom shall be gone, children, for my Epithet is…” He paused for a moment, before switching the pose raise up his arms over a nearby box. “BARRIER, HYAH!” He yelled, smashing an orange disk on the box. His shirt also ripped off, revealing huge tribal looking tattoos, and yet more muscle mass.
Or more accurately, smashing the box with the disk.
“Indus, the bloody Amulet better not have been in that box” Mera hissed as children swarmed over the “free treasure” as one kid put it. Amulet? What amulet, and why was it important?
“Oh, uhm, sorry Lady Mera, I simply wanted to entertain the children. They do seem entertained though, right?”
Lorelai wandered off. Mom was desperately pulling crawling children off the valuable artifacts, and Molly was in one of her Quiet Bubbles. Lorelai moved past a few paintings, barely glancing at them. She moved one hand through her rabbit head tote bag, searching.
She whipped out her phone. Four percent. Hooray, she couldn`t even play some mobile games. Just what Lorelai needed. She kept walking to nowhere. The paintings were okay, she thought. Not very abstract, or interesting, so not exactly to her liking, and –
Lorelai collided with a stranger, a boy wearing a white coat over a sweater who looked to be about Molly`s age. She could almost see something golden and shiny in her periphery, but her eyes were focused on the kid.
“Watch where you`re going, Glasses.” She mumbled, slight insult being purely habit by now.
“I was the one standing still.” Muttered the boy, going right back to looking at one of the portraits.
Lorelai scowled. She kept on walking, but her footfalls felt… heavier? Less frequent? Whatever it was, Lorelai found herself feeling sleepy.
Her eyes roved for a chair, finding one which she made a beeline to. “Maybe if I just… sit for a minu…” And she was out like a light, mid-sentence.
-~!~-
There was something loud, which Lorelai noticed first. She quickly picked up something vibrating and buzzing, coming from her bag. Shoot, her phone. What time was it? The museum was scattered with shadows.
Lorelai swiped the green icon, and her mothers voice exploded in her ear.
“Lorelai? Lorry? Are you there, Bun? Oh, I am so sorry that I didn`t bring you home, I had to wrangle the kids, then I had to make sure their parents got them, then I got a call and had to rush home and – I didn`t even notice you were gone! Should I pick you up? I`ll be there in one – “
“Nope!” Lorelai interrupted quickly. “I can get myself back, I`ll walk or catch a nighttime bus. Just don`t worry about – “
The phone went flat out of battery. “…me. Ugh, great” She groaned. She could figure out a way home, but… it was getting colder out, the Sweet Jazz City weather kicking in. Maybe Lorelai should`ve taken her Mom`s offer. ‘Well, not much to do except deal’ Lorelai thought bitterly.
She got up slowly from the seat, wincing at her stiffness. How long had she slept, three hours, ten? She needed a clock, or a phone…
“Oh yeah, receptionist desk is going to have a phone, duh.” Lorelai chided herself. With the receptionists’ desk came the museum entrance, and a next step in her plan. She set off.
The halls of the museum were empty. Lorelai half hoped there would be a janitor, or night guard who would pop up, but no one. Creepy.
Eventually she found the front entrance, and Lorelai strided over to the door, pushing first. A couple jiggles, no dice. Okay fine, it was a push door, the word “PUSH” right next to the handle. Lorelai sighed, and pushed.
No results. “Locked…?” Lorelai whispered, suddenly aware of how silent it was right now.
“Oh great, this is probably how they catch thieves who wait out until after dark. And maybe the door was alarmed. Just dandy.” Lorelai hissed loudly. What was next, taken hostage by violent criminals who want to stop her from getting home?
Lorelai spun on her heel. If she called someone, maybe the door would open from the outside? The ‘Internal and Emergency Calls ONLY’ label next to the phone said otherwise.
“Fine. Fine. I`ll call the cops, get one of them to bust me out, and it`ll be okay. It`ll be okay.”
Truth be told, Lorelai didn`t want to call the police, but she tapped in the three numbers and waited, landline phone in hand. She pressed it to her ear on the very first ring.
“Hello, this is the cops.” A woman on the other end of the line said in an even tone, weirdly chipper.
“Uh, hey. I – I`m kinda trapped somewhere, so could you maybe send someone out to help me?” She pleaded, trying to keep the desperation away from her voice.
“Of course. This is the Sweet Jazz Museum Hotline, correct?”
“Yeah, I`m stuck – “A deafening crack, unmistakably glass shattering, cut through her sentence. “Uh, sorry, can you wait a minute? Thanksss” She put the phone down before the person even replied.
Lorelai whirled around to see… a pink fog? And yellow-clad figures emerging, leading to someone with a slightly different outfit, cape and everything. The caped one was cackling madly, like a kid on Halloween.
“Gaze upon our might, inhabitants of the Sweet Jazz Museum! The BANZAI BLASTERS are here to rob you blind!” He yelled into the cavernous front entry. He added a second part far more quietly. “Minions, pose with me!”
Like instructed, the ‘minions’ gathered around their leader, striking various poses of increasing hilarity. Lorelai stared, mystified.
"Uh. There`s no one in the museum? I`m like, the only person here, I think the night crew is delayed or scheduled for some time later.”
The leader spluttered, façade dropping, and he looked shocked. “What?! They`re not here? I said I wanted to rob this place at the stroke of midnight, Ben. Oh but someone can`t fit it into his schedule, and now no one`s here!”
The caped leader, who Lorelai realised was the only one without a helmet, and had hair bright pink like the fog, was staring angrily at one of the minions. The minion in question (Ben?) guiltily mumbled “… My mom didn`t want to drive me out past five…”
“Alright… are you guys going to leave now? I have things I need to do, and you probably don`t wanna get caught so – “
A rush of steam, and for a half second, Lorelai was genuinely terrified, because the pink-haired man was gone, and she felt a hand on her shoulder from behind.
The crime leader whirled Lorelai around effortlessly, grabbing her arms. She froze up. “The GREAT GIOVANNI POTAGE shall not just ‘leave now’ because there`s no one to rob! We`ll just rob the place, and make off with all the cool stuff uninterrupted, right Boys?”
The ‘Boys’ all shouted their approval, and the leader, apparently Giovanni Potage, gently pushed Lorelai to them with orders to tape her to a chair to hold hostage.
Three of the Boys, who Pink-Hair-Potage mentioned as Car Crash, Flamethrower and Ben (Why did only Ben get a normal name?), were told to stay and guard Lorelai. She groaned. When would this end, and she could go home?
Lorelai sat back in her chair prison. The criminals seemed to be playing out a soap opera right in front of her.
“I mean, what`s the point having us all here? Two Blasters is plenty, if you ask me.” Said Car Crash, who had a dented helmet and patched up uniform. He was certainly sticking to his namesake.
“You doubting the Boss? I mean, I agree but… Boss is the boss.” Flamethrower said with a tone of finality.
“Y`know, I was just thinking maybe I could go and help Boss and his part of the squad, they`ll need an extra set of hands, for the stealing part.” Car Crash insisted in a wheedling tone. Lorelai could easily see where this was going, she had seen enough reality TV to know.
“Well, maybe I should go, as the most senior Blaster here. And the one with the coolest name.” Flamethrower muttered.
“Hey!” Yelped Ben. “I can be just as useful as you guys! Let me go do the fun thing!”
“Your only saying that because you want a nickname, and you haven`t earned one yet, Ben!” Flamethrower`s voice was rising.
“Really, Flamethrower? You only want to go to the rest of the squad because Darkstar is there, and you have a crush on him, so don`t deny it!” Car Crash scoffed.
“Oi! Boss made it a rule, no using relationships as leverage…” Lorelai stopped listening, as she saw something in the corner of her eye. Was that… the guy from the tour? Indus?
“Hello?” Lorelai whispered over the top of the shouting criminals. “Mr. Indus? Can you get me out of this chair? The soap opera plot is getting stagnant over there.”
“Oh, hello!” Said Indus, completely disregarding Lorelai`s whispering. “I`ll be one moment, Ms.”
He stomped over. Lorelai was sure he wasn`t doing it purposefully, but he was still very loud. She winced internally. “Can you get the tape off? The criminal guys over there tied me up.”
“Aha! Criminals! They must be bad guys, so I shall have to deal with them.” Indus summoned a miniature barrier, smacking it against the tape. Lorelai stared in awe of how this man was an adult, and was trying to break tape with a blunt object.
“Can you – Can`t you just rip off the tape? With your hands?” She suggested lightly. Indus gave a quick ‘hmm?’ before ripping off the tape far more efficiently. Lorelai sighed in relief.
“Okay, now I can just call the police, and the criminals will get arrested…” Lorelai murmured, before being stopped by a shake of Indus` head. “I can`t call the cops?”
Indus shook his head again. “Apologies, Miss. Lady Mera specifically ordered me to not call the police or allow the police to be called tonight.”
Lorelai couldn’t help but wince. What was any of this about? Why no police, why the criminals tonight, what made her fall asleep so suddenly? She just wanted to know. But it appeared that wasn`t going to fly.