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seungmin, despite what everyone in his friend group thinks, doesn’t have a crush on hyunjin.
that would be weird. hyunjin is his best friend, and while, yes, seungmin can admit that he’s one of the most lovely people he’s probably ever had the opportunity of knowing, would give him the world if he asked for it because that’s just what hyunjin deserves , that doesn’t mean he likes him. and even if he did, it’s not like he would disrupt the safe balance in their relationship just because of some silly feelings. that’s just not him.
if he did have feelings for hyunjin though, he guesses it would make sense.
hyunjin is extremely considerate, always putting others before himself. they share a dorm room, but hyunjin sends seungmin cute good morning and goodnight texts everyday without fail, always accompanied by a gif of a puppy blowing a kiss. seungmin’s always awake and asleep before hyunjin, and hyunjin’s nothing if not a sentimental person, needing to let seungmin know he’s thinking about him whenever they don’t have a free moment to see each other. if hyunjin goes out somewhere with his other friends, he’ll usually bring something back for seungmin, like a little piece of cake from the campus bakery or a coffee when he knows seungmin’s been studying for a grueling exam coming up. he does whatever he can to show seungmin he cares about him daily.
hyunjin’s also beautiful, bubbly, has the sweetest laugh and the most charming smile of anybody seungmin’s ever met, can light up a room with just his presence. he’s kind to a fault, and seungmin doesn’t think he has a mean bone in his body (unless you count towards their friend jisung, whose friendship with hyunjin is built on them being assholes to each other. but even then, it’s all in good fun, and it’s obvious they cherish each other).
hyunjin is an affectionate person, loves physical contact with anyone and everyone, but especially with seungmin. he supposes it comes with the familiarity they have with one another; being as close as they are to each other since elementary school and having slept in the same bed cuddled up to each other more times than they could probably count– even more now that they live together. hyunjin is practically attached to seungmin at the hip, invites himself along to most places he goes– and no matter where they end up or what they’re doing, hyunjin will take seungmin’s hand and slot their fingers together, will drape himself over seungmin’s side and nuzzle his face into seungmin’s neck. it’s impossibly endearing, makes seungmin want to take care of him, coddle him and coo over how cute his best friend is.
so, yeah, he guesses he does understand the suspicion, at least a little.
but seungmin stands by the fact that he does not have feelings for hyunjin. he loves him the same amount as anyone else would love their best friend. he’s sure of it.
(oh boy, how wrong he is.)
-
it’s at the library on thursday– seungmin, hyunjin, and their six close friends at their typical wide booth, eating snacks and studying and goofing off– that seungmin gets a bit defensive over his and hyunjin’s relationship. to be honest, he’s not even sure why.
chan, the only graduate student of them all, is going over a biochemistry lesson with felix, the sweet elementary education major that hyunjin immediately decided to integrate into their friend group upon first meeting him, the two of them sharing a contemporary dance class. changbin, a pre-law senior, is basically sitting on minho, his zoology major boyfriend, reading through whatever book he’s been assigned this week as minho works on his laptop. jeongin, the lone freshman, is writing up a paper for his humanities class, having taken only prerequisites for the semester while he tries to decide on a major, and jisung is throwing popcorn in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth next to him, actively avoiding the term paper he has to write for his sophomore english class because he’s, “ a freaking music composition major, why is this even necessary?”
seungmin’s reading a novel assigned by his social policy professor, eating trail mix, hyunjin leaning into his side as he works on a project for his apparel and textiles class. trail mix is his go-to snack for studying with hyunjin, eating the raisins and peanuts from the bag and feeding the m&ms to a focused hyunjin every now and then, an easy routine.
when hyunjin slouches further into seungmin and opens his mouth, eyes not leaving his screen, seungmin grabs a few m&ms and drops them in his waiting mouth. hyunjin makes delighted little sounds as he chews, and seungmin can’t help to think how cute he is, feeling a wave of fondness flood his chest.
his expression must expose his adoration, because minho makes an affronted face and sound at them from across the table. “do you people have no decency, being all lovey dovey in public in front of your sad, single friends?” he teases, as if he’s not being sickeningly cute with changbin, the smaller boy literally perched in his lap.
seungmin scoffs, falling easily into friendly banter with minho. “us?! you’re one to talk! look at you!” seungmin hears hyunjin giggle at the scene in front of him, a pretty little twinkling sound, the rest of them laughing as well.
hyunjin jokingly places a placating hand on seungmin’s arm. “minnie, relax,” he says through his laughter, eyes crinkling in the loveliest way. he has his hair pulled back from his face in two braids, a few strands coming loose, falling over his eyes. the thought that hyunjin is just so beautiful, so cute races across his mind again, and seungmin brushes the hair out of his best friend’s eyes with a smile, before minho pulls him out of his trance with another jab at their relationship.
“look at me? look at you! changbin and i are at least actually dating , but we still don’t act even half as disgusting as you and hyunjin do everyday!” minho exclaims, unable to help his laughter, wagging an accusatory finger at them. “are you sure you two aren’t secretly dating behind our backs?” hyunjin, who had just stopped laughing, cracks up all over again.
“wha– what, we aren’t!” seungmin sputters in protest. he can feel his face heat up and he’s not sure why the topic of him and hyunjin is making him so flustered. he’s just his best friend.
“we aren’t? but i thought we were,” hyunjin jokingly whines, bottom lip jutting out in a pout and eyes wide and sparkly, looking up at seungmin from where he’s slid down in his seat. “i think we should be.”
“oh, my god! you can’t sit here and tell me you aren’t dating, or at least, like, pining! there’s no way. hyunjin’s, like, in love with you!” minho shrieks, disbelief coloring his tone, the rest of the table letting out a chorus of agreements.
they go through this all the time, and hyunjin has always easily let the teasing slide off his shoulders, usually even joining in on it. seungmin’s not as good at that as hyunjin is, always one to get embarrassed easily. but he tries.
“yeah, seungminnie,” hyunjin’s shining eyes are still fixed on him when he declares, “i’m, like, in love with you.”
seungmin groans, rolling his eyes good-naturedly and nudging hyunjin with his shoulder. “hyunjin, please stop encouraging minho hyung.” this earns him a sharp hey! from minho , the older man leaning across the table to swat at his arm.
“you don’t believe me?” hyunjin asks, at the same moment that jeongin, laptop pushed to the side and work forgotten just like everyone else, says, “come on, hyung, you’re not even gonna tell your boyfriend you love him too?”
for some reason, that comment gets to seungmin more than anything has before. “what– we aren’t boyfriends, jeongin! we aren’t dating! we’re just best friends, it’s not gonna happen!” seungmin bursts, stumbling over his words, face and ears positively burning.
“yeah, guys, it’s not going to happen. you can drop it now,” hyunjin mutters beside him. it’s never happened before, but seungmin can tell everyone’s teasing must finally be getting to him, too, the cheery tone he usually maintains having faded.
-
when seungmin goes to pick hyunjin up from his shared dance class with minho a few hours later, it seems that hyunjin has let the day’s earlier events go. seungmin doesn’t think much of it when he sees minho and hyunjin talking to a teammate while he’s walking over, doesn’t have any reason to. their conversation is already coming to an end when he finally makes it over to them, and the boy gives hyunjin a quick hug and a, “see you later, then?”, hyunjin nodding in reply with a small smile on his face. the teammate offers a small wave to minho and then he leaves.
seungmin just nods to acknowledge minho, still a bit flustered about earlier, and after hyunjin says his goodbye, they’re turning to walk back in the direction of their apartment. seungmin takes hyunjin’s bag, something he’s taken to doing every time he picks up hyunjin from any of his tiring dance classes, and he slings it over his shoulder. their walk is silent aside from the here and there comments hyunjin makes about pets he sees, which is odd for them. hyunjin is always eager to tell seungmin what he did during dance each day, detailing funny stories of something minho did and what steps he nailed that day. but, he does look a bit more flushed than normal, so seungmin just assumes that the technique they went over today has him run down and doesn’t care to bring it up.
something he can’t just brush off, though, is that hyunjin doesn’t even reach to hold seungmin’s hand for the entirety of their walk– something he always does, especially when he’s tired and needs some sort of small contact between them.
he doesn’t bring this up either, though it nags at his mind for the rest of the night.
-
it’s a week later when seungmin realizes that he probably should’ve said something to hyunjin that night.
seungmin’s curiosity is peaked when he comes home in the evening after class to see hyunjin rummaging through his closet, clothes strewn all across his bed. hyunjin doesn’t usually go out and do anything on friday nights, more often than not choosing to stay in with seungmin and watch dramas over anything else.
“going somewhere, jinnie?” he questions, shutting and locking the door behind him as he steps inside their dorm room. hyunjin is quick to turn around, looking a bit sheepish and tucking a lock of brown hair behind his ear.
“uh…yeah,” he mumbles. he sounds anxious, but seungmin can’t think of a reason why he would be. “seungminnie… what would you wear on a… on a date?” oh. well. there’s a reason.
seungmin’s eyebrows raise, practically disappearing behind his bangs. “you have a date ?” seungmin didn’t mean to sound so in shock, so disbelieving, and when hyunjiin seems to shrink a bit under his gaze, he rushes to correct himself. “i mean, that’s good! i’m just surprised. when did you get asked? who asked?”
why didn’t you want me to know? is what he wants to ask, but he doesn’t want to sound accusing.
“you know the guy that was with me and minho hyung last week? after practice? um, he asked me. hyung set us up.” hyunjin sounds timid, like he’s scared seungmin will be disapproving, like he’ll somehow think bad about hyunjin…. going out to dinner? what?
“oh, well, that was nice of him,” is all seungmin can really get out in response. he feels weird, like hyunjin going out on a date– the first date he’s ever been on, as far as seungmin knows (even though hyunjin is the most beautiful , most wonderful person seungmin has ever met)– has somehow tilted his world just a smidge. he’s also annoyed at minho, because how is he going to set hyunjin up on a date without even consulting seungmin? he tries to shake the feelings off, walking over to stand next to hyunjin in front of his closet, gently pushing him aside so he can have access to hyunjin’s clothes. “here, let me see what we have to work with.”
for the next hour and a half, the two of them go through almost every article of clothing in hyunjin’s closet, seungmin handing hyunjin piece after piece to model for him. they eventually settle on a simple outfit, a blue sweater and a pair of light jeans, perfect for the little sushi place hyunjin’s date is at. hyunjin’s hair is down, and he looks so pretty, and seungmin tells him so, which makes hyunjin’s face flush.
in no time hyunjin is ready to leave, letting seungmin know he’ll probably be back by midnight and he’ll text him when he gets to the restaurant safely. and as seungmin closes the door behind him, his world still feels slanted, and his annoyance at minho is still present.
he shoots his older friend a quick warning text, pulling on his shoes and a jacket as he makes his way out of his dorm and to minho’s apartment.
-
“you set hyunijn up on a date?” is seungmin’s greeting to minho when he lets himself inside his apartment, not bothering to knock. he’s known minho and changbin for three years now, since he was just a fresh face on campus and changbin was his sophomore buddy (and by extension, minho was, too, considering they didn’t, and still don’t, do anything without each other), so knocking is just a forgone formality at this point. he toes off his shoes and sets them on the rack near the door, walking into the kitchen where minho is cooking something for dinner. seungmin stands behind him with his arms crossed in front of his chest.
he’s not mad about hyunjin going on a date, that’s not it at all. he’s just frustrated with minho and maybe still a bit… confused. and upset. hyunjin is his roommate, his closest friend. he knows hyunjin better than anyone, so why didn’t anyone tell him, or even ask his opinion?
the sarcasm is dripping from minho’s every word as he replies, “well hello, seungmin! how are you? i had a wonderful day, thanks for asking!” moving the pan he’s using to an off burner, he turns to look at his surprise house guest. he looks a bit annoyed, but seungmin really couldn’t care less about maybe aggravating minho right now.
he rolls his eyes, “hi, minho hyung.” he changes the subject back to what’s really important right now, “care to tell me why you set my best friend up with some stranger and didn’t even consult me? i know the kind of guy hyunjin likes, you know!” he doesn’t hear the snarky obviously not minho mutters under his breath. “not just any person is good enough for hyunjin, what– what if his intentions are bad?”
“first of all, i set hyunjin up on a date because he asked me to. second of all, jinyoung isn’t a ‘stranger’, and he’s never been anything but nice to hyunjin before,” minho quips, raising an eyebrow. “but, fine, let’s say what if. what kind of person do you want him to go out with, then, hm, seungmin? who do you have in mind?”
“what– i don’t know!” what the hell is minho even trying to get at here? seungmin’s just looking out for hyunjin, like a good best friend! there’s nothing more to it, yet his brain feels scrambled. “someone who cares about him and– and doesn’t just see him as.. i don’t know, a quick lay? he needs someone to be gentle with him, you know he’s sensitive! you can’t just send him on a date with a random guy he barely knows!” he doesn’t know why he’s getting so worked up about this, but now that he’s started, he can’t seem to stop. “he’s special! you know this, minho! he– he needs someone that will always be there for him, that loves him, that–”
“who are you describing, seungmin?” minho interrupts, a knowing look on his face. what the fuck? is minho just saying things to hear himself speak? what the hell is he even talking abou–
oh.
oh.
god, seungmin feels so fucking stupid.
as the realization hits him, it’s like every little piece falls into place– but it’s not some clarifying moment. it’s jarring. it’s… it’s him. seungmin is talking about himself. oh, god. what the fuck. “i… oh my god.” he feels like he’s gonna be sick. “i’m,” he takes a shuddering breath in, what the fuck. “it’s me. oh my god.”
“there you go, buddy,” minho says, patting his shoulder.
seungmin feels dizzy. this is… this is crazy. he likes hyunjin? he has feelings for… for hyunjin ? his hyunjin? how is he only just realizing this now?
“hyung, i like hyunjin,” he breathes, the words nothing more than a faint whisper. seungmin honestly thinks he might be sick. “i think… i think i love hyunjin. i think that i probably have for… for a while.”
“i know, minnie,” minho says, “trust me, we all know.” and, what?
“i didn’t know!” seungmin cries in reply, just so, so confused, because– because how could everyone else know, but not seungmin himself?
“well, you do now! that’s something at least,” minho quips, and seungmin can’t even feel annoyed anymore, he’s just… he doesn’t even know. in shock, maybe.
“wait, why did– why did you set hyunjin up on a date? if you knew… if you know, then why would you-” seungmin stammers, and minho cuts him off.
“what you said at study group last week. you know, when jeongin called you guys boyfriends, and you freaked. it hurt his feelings.”
he realizes something, then, and his world that was tilted ever so slightly before feels like it’s now turned completely upside down. he exhales, and it’s shaky. “hyunjin… does hyunjin like me? does he… oh god. it doesn’t even matter. he’s–he’s on a date. right now. he’s on a date right now. i can’t… what am i supposed to do?” seungmin loves hyunjin (hyunjin loves seungmin?), but hyunjin’s on a date, and it’s not with him, and seungmin’s world is upside down.
“i don’t know seungminnie.” minho pauses for a moment, as if thinking, then continues with what he believes are words of wisdom. “just go home and hope the date goes bad, then use the moment to confess!”
-
hyunjin gets home a bit earlier than seungmin thought he would. it’s only ten, and seungmin wasn’t expecting him back until closer to midnight, when seungmin would more than likely already be asleep. he knows he shouldn’t necessarily be happy about hyunjin’s date going differently than planned, but his newfound feelings realization has his heart jumping a bit at hyunjin still probably being single, at still having a chance to make his own move (even though seungmin probably never will. he can still pretend, and pretend he will.)
“date go well, jinnie?” he asks from his bed, already under his covers with a class required novel in his hands. he still feels just… so off. he tries not to let it show.
hyunjin doesn’t answer right away, and seungmin watches as he rummages through his drawers for some sleep clothes, changing from his date outfit to plain sweats and a big t-shirt. he walks into the bathroom to wash his face and do his nightly routine, and when he comes out, he walks over to seungmin’s bed to continue their conversation.
hyunjin sighs, sitting on the edge of the other’s bed. he looks down at the comforter, tracing the patterns with his finger. his hair falls over his eyes, successfully shielding his face from seungmin’s view. “it was okay. i don’t think i’ll be going on another date with him, though. my mind was preoccupied the entire time. i think he could tell.” hyunjin doesn’t lift his head, eyes fixed on his own fingers. seungmin can tell he’s nervous, and he honestly feels the same.
“oh,” seungmin replies eloquently. he wants to smack himself. this was the moment minho was talking about. he should confess, tell hyunjin how he feels.
he does not do that. instead, trying to save face, he rushes to say, “that’s okay, hyunjinnie. what was on your silly little mind?” seungmin’s heart is starting to pick up pace. he wills it to slow back down.
“i…” hyunjin starts, and his fingers stop in their tracks. he doesn’t speak for a moment, and seungmin’s about to tell him that it’s fine, he doesn’t have to tell him if he doesn’t want to, but hyunjin lifts his head up, looking seungmin in the eyes and then immediately looking the opposite direction. “i was thinking about you.”
seungmin’s heart comes to a dead stop in his chest. his mouth starts to feel dry, and he thinks he’s getting lightheaded. did hyunjin just say… he was thinking about seungmin during his date? his best friend– the same one who he just discovered he has a massive long-standing crush on– was thinking about him ?
“me?” seungmin croaks out in disbelief. hyunjin wouldn’t lie to him in general, and definitely not over something like this, but seungmin can’t help but feel like he’s being pranked. or maybe he’s dreaming. maybe he fell asleep, and hyunjin is still on his date, and this isn’t really happening. (seungmin knows it is, obviously, but it just doesn’t feel real. his hyunjin… confessing? he pinches himself on the thigh and hopes hyunjin doesn’t see.)
“you, seungminnie.” hyunjin still won’t meet his eyes. he’s biting his lip, unconsciously picking at his cuticles, and if this were any other moment seungmin would reach over and take his hands in his own, like he always does when hyunjin starts with his bad habits. but, it’s not any other moment. the air is tense, and seungmin doesn’t know how he should navigate this situation. it’s awkward, and it’s never like this with them.
“i... um… why?” is what comes out of seungmin’s mouth next. god, why can’t he stop saying stupid things? “i mean, uh, why were you– uh– why were you thinking about… me?” he tries to redeem himself. he honestly thinks he must be dying.
“why else would i be thinking about you?” hyunjin finally looks at him again, and he looks nervous but determined, and also like seungmin’s being extremely obtuse. seungmin can connect the dots, mind you, he just… can’t believe it.
“are you saying,” he swallows, “are you saying you like me, hyunijn?” seungmin must look and sound hopeful, because hyunjin lets out a small giggle, and he no longer looks nervous– just bashful and beautiful and like everything seungmin could ever want.
“i like you, seungminnie. i really, really, really like you,” hyunjin says, and he’s smiling shyly, reaching out to grab seungmin’s hand. hyunjin is always beautiful, always glowing, but seungmin thinks he’s especially gorgeous in this moment, shining brighter than even the sun could. with red tinted cheeks and sparkling eyes, he looks so wonderful and soft and genuine, and seungmin can’t believe he kept himself in the dark for so long.
despite what he used to think, seungmin knows now he likes hyunjin, too, probably has since he first met him, maybe even loves him. he tells him as much, and the shy smile on hyunjin’s face breaks into the sweetest grin, dimples showing and cheeks flushing even further. he looks positively delighted, and it makes seungmin’s heart swell to know he caused that, caused hyunjin to look so radiant that even angels couldn’t compare.
seungmin just can’t help it when he leans over and presses a kiss to hyunjin’s rosy right cheek, then his left. hyunjin’s just so cute. when seungmin pulls away, hyunjin’s looking at him with love and adoration shining in his eyes, lips parted just slightly, and he looks so absolutely breathtaking that seungmin has to lean back in to plant a soft kiss on his lips.
the surprised squeak and subsequent giggle hyunjin lets out at the kiss makes seungmin smile, pulling back just to look at hyunjin. he’s perfect, and seungmin really doesn’t know how he didn’t realize how in love he is with him before.
seungmin pulls back the corner of the comforter, pulling hyunjin towards him by the hand holding his own and hyunjin obliges, snuggling next to seungmin naturally. they do this so often it’s like second nature, but it feels a bit different now that they’ve confessed and kissed. seungmin likes it.
hyunjin tucks his face into seungmin’s neck, kissing him there gently just like he always does, and seungmin squeezes hyunjin around the middle, holding him as close as he possibly can. it’s different, but exactly the same as it has always been between them. seungmin wonders how he really never realized hyunjin’s feelings or his own, how he convinced himself there wasn't anything else between them, kept himself hidden from the bright, shining love hyunjin emanates. he guesses it doesn’t matter now.
before they both fall asleep, hyunjin mumbles a soft, “i saw you pinch yourself. you’re cute,” and seungmin smiles.
he guesses his friends were right, after all.
(on monday, when they show up to lunch hand in hand, which is typical of them even when they weren’t actually dating, there must be something different about them. maybe they just look happier, or maybe how mushy seungmin feels on the inside shows on his face, but minho absolutely loses his damn mind. seungmin knew they forgot to do something.
“ fucking finally! ” he all but screeches, dropping the spoon he was using to feed his boyfriend rice back onto his plate. changbin pouts. “i’ve been waiting for this to happen for years! years! jesus! now you ,” he jabs a finger in hyunjin’s direction, “can stop crying about how fucking in love with seungmin you are! it’s a miracle! this is the best day of my life.”
seungmin snorts and hyunjin suppresses a giggle behind his hand as they sit at the table with their friends, seungmin tugging hyunjin onto his lap. everyone looks genuinely happy with their relationship reveal, and seungmin’s so grateful to have such supportive friends.
taking the spoon from minho’s plate, hyunjin shoves the briefly forgotten rice into his mouth, and, around his mouthful, says, “actually, i’m still going to do that.” seungmin practically swoons. he’s in love.)