Chapter Text
01. “You won’t take care of yourself so I will”
The first anniversary of his death comes around so quickly. The city is emerging from the pandemic and the world is healing, except all Carina feels is a shadow lingering over her.
When she is cold, Maya wraps her up in her favourite blanket. When she doesn’t have the energy to eat, Maya cooks her favourite meal. When she feels her grief threatening to pull her back into the darkness, Maya plays her favourite music and makes her dance around the kitchen.
Always there, always with the same soft words in her ear.
“You won’t take care of yourself, so I will.”
02. “Shut up and kiss me”
“It’s your turn,” Maya says. “I did it yesterday.”
“Well, you were the one who was supposed to buy a new lock,” Carina shoots back.
They lie side-by-side in bed, listening to the window rattle in its frame. It was supposed to be fixed weeks ago, but as usual life got in the way.
“I’m too comfortable.”
“It’s too cold to get out of bed.”
Carina sighs. They’ve been arguing about it for the last twenty minutes and they’re both too stubborn to back down, so the only way they’re going to get some sleep is to distract themselves from the persistent noise. She rolls over and pulls Maya towards her.
“What are you doing?”
“Just… shut up and kiss me.”
03. “I really like your hands”
It’s unusually warm for September and the sun beats down on them, despite the shade from tree. Maya is propped up by its thick trunk, with Carina settled between her legs and leaning back against her chest. Their left hands are entwined, and Maya runs her thumb over Carina’s knuckles, enjoying the softness of her well-moisturised skin. In that moment, all thoughts of her demotion vanish.
“I really like your hands,” she muses. “Especially this one.”
Carina hums happily. “You do?”
“Yeah.” She twirls the platinum wedding band around Carina’s ring finger, watching it twinkle in the bright sunlight. “I like it even better with this ring on it.”
04. “I am not leaving you”
“Just go,” Maya says, pushing Carina’s hand away with all the energy she can muster.
“No,” Carina says. “I am not leaving you.”
Maya watches as the tears spill out of Carina’s eyes and into her lap; she can see the pain that she is causing her wife and it makes her heart hurt more than the physical trauma her body is going through right now.
She wishes she had never gone into that building, that she had listened to Andy when she called her back. But there was a kid crying out for help and she couldn’t just leave him. She thought the floor would hold for a few seconds longer.
“Please Carina. I don’t want you to watch me die.”
05. “I didn’t ask you to do that” “You didn’t have to”
Maya places a mug of steaming hot tea on the nightstand, then perches on the edge of the bed as Carina emerges from under the covers. Her eyes are red, her cheeks swollen, and Maya knows that despite the six hours she has spent curled up in bed, she hasn’t had any sleep.
“I spoke to the Chief, I told him I wouldn’t be in for at least the next week,” Maya says softly. “Andy’ll be captain while I’m away.”
Carina knows how difficult it is for Maya to step away from her job. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t have to,” Maya says, a little affronted that Carina would think she would carry on as normal despite her brother’s death. “I’m going to be here with you for as long as you need me.”
06. “[talks dreamily about their future with their partner]”
“If you could time travel to the future, would you?”
“Hmm?” Maya is only half-listening, her eyes starting to droop as she watches Carina’s fingertips trace patterns on her skin.
“Would you want to know what our future looks like?”
“I don’t need to, I already know.”
She can feel Carina’s eyes on her and shakes herself away, propping herself up on her elbow.
“I’m the Fire Chief. You’re running your own, very successful OBGYN clinic and about to win your second – no, third – Catherine Fox Award. We’ve bought that big townhouse overlooking the park that we always walk by and we spend our vacations in Italy with your family or exploring new countries.”
Carina looks at her with wonder. “You’ve really thought about this.”
Maya smiles. There are some days during this pandemic that she thinks of nothing else.
07. “You’re not alone anymore”
The phone rings just after three a.m., drawing them both out of their slumber. Carina answers with a groggy “Ciao?” , her body turning rigid as news of her father’s death is passed on. A heart attack, they think. He was at home, alone.
She is silent when the call ends and, even in the darkness, Maya can tell she is processing the news.
“I can’t do this again. I can’t be the only one left.”
She has already buried her mom and her brother, now she has to say goodbye to her father.
“Hey,” Maya soothes her. “You’re not alone anymore.”
She snakes her arm around Carina’s waist and curls into her body, holding her tightly.
“I’m here.”