Work Text:
And I was runnin' far away
Would I run off the world someday?
Nobody knows, nobody knows
And I was dancing in the rain
I felt alive and I can't complain
But no, take me home
Take me home where I belong
(„Runaway”, AURORA)
-
It was a hot, but cloudy day, the air stuffed and heavy, the clouds darkened, a clear sign thunder was coming. Stede, and the rest of his rescued crew where cramped on their small rowboat. It’s been nearly a month now since they’ve been sailing in these uncomfortable circumstances, as well as nearly a month since Stede last had seen Ed.
Ed. Stede couldn’t get him out of his head these days. Or any days really. Ed had woven into this mind, body and soul, occupying every corner and crack, the hollow spaces between his bones, but most importantly, filling his heart, full to the brim of just Ed and his whole being.
And yet, he had willingly given up the bright future Ed had presented to him on a silver platter, all those days ago by the shore. Regret, Stede had come to find, stung a lot more than a blade run through your skin.
That’s why he, with his muscles aching, hands calloused and bloodied by the endless rowing, had been searching for Ed for nearly a month now, with only luck and a shadow of destruction left behind by Blackbeard and his crew, to follow.
They had been hearing about raids, fights, ships on fire and all kinds of destructive things at every shore they stopped by to resupply. “The legendary Blackbeard has returned once again!” the people said, called him a blood thirsty monster, a murderer, the devil even. To Stede, those words seemed completely foreign being directed at his Ed. But he wasn’t that naïve of course. The Ed he knew was also once Captain Blackbeard, and now he had awaken once more, and Stede had a bone chilling inkling that it had a lot to do with him leaving.
At their last stop at a small port city, Stede had heard that Blackbeard had recently burned a whole ship to the ground and no matter how much he tried to tell himself that’s not the Ed he knows, the words kept echoing in his mind. And then there was the suspicious absence of Lucius, Jim and Frenchie. Stede did his best to reassure the rest of his crew that they’re probably okay and that he will handle Blackbeard, but he still saw their restlessness. Their conversations were strained. Black Pete was especially argumentative, complaining about every small inconvenience. Oluwande most of the time was as quiet as the ocean before a storm. Blackbeard had done a number on them and that only made the heavy guilt in Stede’s heart grow.
Also, speaking of storms, the dark clouds had been steadily moving from the horizon closer and closer towards them and Stede felt the first small raindrops tickle is face. They hadn’t expected a storm tonight, the morning had been calm, but suddenly, as the evening approached, the world around them had started to darken and there was no land in sight. They would have to make do and survive the storm in their small dinghy, and hope that the wind doesn’t make the ocean too restless to pull them under its heavy blanket.
“We will drown, we will so drown, Captain,” said Black Pete. He was sitting between the Swede and Wee John and kept restlessly sitting up, looking at the sky, then the ocean and then sitting back down, over and over again.
“Now, don’t be so bleak, my dear boy, what’s a pirate crew without a few storms they haven’t sailed through?” Stede answered as cheerfully as he could muster, but dread was starting to settle in his stomach as well. What was their little dinghy against the wrath of a torn-open sky and the depths of an ocean, but a tragedy waiting to happen?
Black Pete was unfortunately in one of his termagant moods. “If you hadn’t fucked things up with Blackbeard we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place!”
“Blackbeard was always a dark fella I tell ye’, musta’ put a curse on us-”
“Don’t be an idiot, Buttons, it’s obviously Captains fault, if he hadn’t-”
Now Roach was also growing agitated, “Well maybe if you’d shut the fuck up and stopped complaining for one god damn second-”
“Hey now! Everybody quiet! Let’s not put blame on anyone right now, alright!” Stede said as sternly as he could, without actually shouting. He hated shouting. It seemed like such an inconvenient way of dealing with things. “We are in a bit of an unfortunate situation; however fighting won’t make it better! Let’s all count to ten and calm down now, alright?”
“Are you serious? Blackbeard would never-” Black Pete rolled his eyes and tried to argue, but was interrupted by Stede once again.
“Yes, Black Pete, I’m absolutely serious, and I do know indeed that Blackbeard would never, however, this..,” he gestured vaguely to the vehicle they were in, wanting to say ship, but that would certainly be the furthest thing from it, “boat is mine and you are my crew so I’d appreciate if you did as I say!”
Right as he finished talking, a loud and threatening rumble of thunder rang through the skies around them and the whole crew’s eyes widened. Quickly, murmurs of agreement followed.
Stede looked at the scene before him, of his crew obediently calming down and looking at him for direction. He cleared his throat, not expecting them to carry out his orders that fast. “Alright then, everyone, deep breaths, and one, two, three…”
As he counted, the sounds of thunder increased, and the small splatter of rain turned into a downpour. In the distance, lighting broke the sky. And all through it, the crew was quiet, the only other sounds being Stede’s consistent counting and soft inhales and exhales.
When he finished, rain had soaked the clothes of everyone, raindrops were sliding down his face, it had gotten a lot colder too, the sudden temperature change bringing him close to a shiver. But maybe, that shiver didn’t have anything to do with the temperature at all, but at the small pride of successfully giving orders to his crew and managing to calm down the rowdy atmosphere, that was trying to slyly pry its way into Stede’s mind, almost making him smile. Almost. Another rumble of thunder, a flash of lightning and a wave that rocked their boat back and forth brought him back to reality. Guilt, sadness, anger and everything else in between settled back into their places like dust and Stede’s mind grew grey and cloudy once more.
“Right then. Good job, everyone. Lets continue with the rowing now, maybe we’ll even find land if we try hard enough.” He said quickly, without looking any of them in the eyes, grabbing his own oars, and his sudden urgency made the crew follow suit without complaint. They started to move again, the rowing a lot more difficult now that the storm had started to take on its full power, the ocean growing more and more uneasy.
They rowed in silence for a long while, Stede completely lost in thoughts as heavy as the growing storm around them. He jumped when he felt a hand land on his shoulder.
“Hey, Captain..,” It was Oluwande, looking carefully, almost pityingly at him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“That’s alright, Oluwande, wasn’t your fault, I was just lost in the sea, as pirate captains often are,” he chuckled, although no humor was behind it.
“Riight.. Anyway, I just wanted to ask, are you alright Captain?” Oluwande questioned slowly and tentatively, as if trying to approach a scared animal.
“Why yes, I’m quite alright, why’d you ask?” Stede lied. He definitely wasn’t alright, but well. Sometimes it was hard to talk things out as a crew. And the crew already was tense enough. No need to put more worry on their shoulders and…ruin things, as he seems to do with everything around him.
“Uh, well, you’ve been rowing like a madman for like, an hour or so, and you’ve been doing that thing with your face, where it seems like you’re about to cry or throw up,” Oluwande said, still as carefully, and then pointedly looked down at Stede’s hands, “And you’re bleeding.”
Stede looked down at his own hands then and was surprised to indeed find blood on them. He had been rowing so frantically he had calloused his hands to the point of bruises and had barely noticed. Well, he had been vaguely aware of the stinging pain, but that had only urged him on to row faster. It cleared his mind. Set it steady on his one and only goal - to find Ed.
When Stede didn’t seem like he’ll respond, still looking at his bleeding hands, Oluwande gently pushed Stede to the side, “Why don’t I row for a bit Captain, you rest, and maybe take care of your hands?”
Stede seemed reluctant, but then absentmindedly nodded and let Oluwande take the oars as he moved out of the way, to sit at the edge of the boat. He looked at his hands again and realized he doesn’t have anything to bandage them with. He rummaged through his pockets and found the only small cloth he could find - a red silk piece of fabric. He had found it floating on the surface of the water one day, at first thinking it was simply a piece of trash someone had thrown off their ship until they had come closer and it became undeniable - it was Ed’s silk cloth, the very same one Stede had carefully folded and placed in Ed’s pocket on that beautiful moonlit night. Oh, such a fool he had been. Of course Ed had been interested in him back then already, but he had refused to accept the obvious signs, instead following the path his mind had mapped out for him, the one where he believed that nobody, especially somebody like Ed, could ever like him.
He gently took the fabric in his hands, careful not to stain it with blood. He instead wiped his hands on his own shirt and then run a tender hand over the cloth, the silk, although soft, stinging against his wounded hands.
A loud shout brought him back to reality. It was Buttons, who was standing and pointing at a huge wave coming their way and further away - a ship. Their boat rocked from side to side and water flowed in. Roach, who was trying to steer them away from the incoming wave, lost control of the oar, the boat skewing even more, making Buttons lose his footing, stumble, and with a loud splash fall in the water.
The next happened almost in slow motion. Everyone let out a loud scream, scrambling to help Buttons, but in doing so rocking the boat too much to the left side, filling it more and more with water and-
“Guys, step away from th-“ Stede screamed but it was too late, the boat tipped over, pulling everyone in it into the unforgiving waters, nearly landing on Stede who barely managed to dodge it before it fell fully upside down into the water. With everyone trashing and pulling, it was impossible to manage a plan, a way to pull the boat back upright and make sure nobody drowned. A huge wave pulled Stede fully underwater and he struggled to swim upwards, but the ocean was hungry, pulling him down towards the abyss until his vision blurred, his ears rung and his lungs stung from the lack of oxygen. Everything around him started to go dark, and he thought - Ed, I’m so sorry.
But then, a hand was pulling him up, up, until they broke the surface, but Stede was too out of it, in a state very close to unconsciousness to fully grasp what’s happening and who’s rescuing him. The last thing he saw was hair, salt and pepper, and then it all went black.
***
I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pains
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock I am an island
-
Stede woke on a ship. He came back to his senses uneasily, like waking from a bad dream, its left over horrors clinging to his thoughts. He tried to move but found that his hands and legs to be bound. His eyes immediately snapped open, panic surging into his mind.
He took in his surroundings. Deck, ropes, other bodies tied up, flag with a skeleton... realization hit Stede like a dunk of freezing cold water. He was on The Revenge. The one that was currently occupied by Blackbeard and his crew. Both relief and dread found their way into his veins.
The sea was still uneasy; rain was splattering against the deck ground. It was nighttime still, although closer to morning. The ship rocked back and forth threateningly, like a warning - Stede and his crew were unwelcome here.
He looked to his left and recognized one of the tied up bodies as Oluwande. He wiggled a bit and got himself upright to his knees. “Hey,” he whispered to Oluwande, who was turned with his back to him. He didn’t turn. “Hey,” Stede said for the second time, louder and with more urgency.
Oluwande finally noticed him and turned. “Captain, you’re finally awake! We seem to be-
“On Blackbeards deck, yes, yes I realize that, have you seen or heard anything, Blackbeard or-”
“Well, well, well, would you look at that. Stede fucking Bonnet, alive and well, right on Blackbeard’s deck. This must be my lucky day!” Izzy Hands appeared in Stedes line of vision, tone mocking. And ever so fucking annoying, Stede thought.
“Why good day to you too, Iggy! We missed you so!” He tried to put as much malice in his voice as he could muster and put on a brave face. He could do this. He would stand against Izzy and make things right with Blackbeard. With Ed.
“You know my fucking name, dog!” Izzy spat and kicked Stede hard in the stomach. He doubled over in pain but forced himself back on his knees. He hated to be kneeling in front of Izzy, but that was the best he could do in his restraints.
“Hey don’t talk to the Captain like that!” Surprisingly, that was Black Pete.
“Oh how very sweet of you to protect your captain,” Izzy replied, mocking the word, like Stede never in a million years would be worthy of such a title. Stede oftentimes thought so too, but he wasn’t about to admit that to anyone like Izzy Hands. “What a shame you will soon be left without a captain at all.”
“Don’t talk to my crew that way, dog!” Stede cut in and suddenly Izzy’s sword was against this throat. He was about to say something but then…
“Leave him to me, Izzy.” A dark voice rung through the deck. Blackbeard.
Stede looked up and finally, finally, after nearly a month of searching, of longing, here he was, his Ed. Although, he looked far from the Ed he has last seen. His eyes and now shorter beard were covered with black kohl. His eyes were sunken in and lacked the usual glow, the one that resembled constellations in the night sky whenever he used to look at Stede. His lips were in a tight line, instead of the warm smile Stede had grown used to. His face was a mask, stone cold and dreadful. Around him, the storm roared on, as if urging on the kraken himself to emerge. And he had. Before him was Captain Blackbeard, in all his dreadful glory. And yet, in Stedes eyes he was still the most beautiful man he had ever seen.
“Ed...” he whispered, only to be cut off instantly.
“Don’t fucking call me that. It’s Blackbeard.” His voice was hard. It sounded like a slap against the face, not an ounce of warmth.
Stede was too stunned to speak for a moment, then said, “Okay. Okay, Blackbeard then. Can we talk? Please?”
Blackbeard laughed. And not the sweet and comforting laughs they had once shared, no. This was cruel, cold. “Talk? What the fuck do we have to talk about?”
“I want to apologize. Properly. I’ve been searching for you for so long. Please, could you untie me so we could talk?” Stede wasn’t above begging now. He knew getting through to him would not be easy. He struggled a bit, attempting to stand but no avail.
“Untie you? Hah. I would rather run you through with my sword and then throw you overboard, still tied up so you would get no chance of surviving that,” Blackbeard said.
“And yet you rescued me,” it was out of his mouth before he could think, which definitely wasn’t the right thing to say, as Blackbeard pulled out his sword and pointed it his direction.
“I rescued you, so I could kill you myself, with my own fucking hands,” he said and came closer. Rain had soaked his face and the dark make-up was running down his cheeks, the wind messing up his hair that looked like it hadn’t been brushed for ages. He looked gorgeous, even like this.
Stede swallowed. “Then do that. But please, first give me a chance to apologize. To explain myself,” he said, as he started to struggle to stand upright again. This time he managed, stumbling a little, but eventually righting himself. And now finally faced Blackbeard fully.
When he didn’t reply, and didn’t push Stede away, he continued, “I’m so sorry I left, Edward, I am so very sorry. I never wanted to break your heart like this. I never wanted to lose you. But my own…issues made me make all the wrong choices. You see, right as I was on my way to meet you, Chauncey, he,”
“Enough!” Blackbeard roared, “I don’t give two shits about that! I don’t give two shits about you! You left me and now you’re going to pay for it!”
“Then make me pay for it! But for gods sakes let me explain! Chauncey, he found me in the woods, he pointed his gun at me and told me all these things how I always ruin things, how I’ve ruined my family, and how I’ve- how I’ve ruined you and it made me think that by leaving, I would make things better! That I would stop ruining you! But I was a fool, I was such a fool, Edward, and I will forever blame myself for this. I am sorry, I am so deeply sorry! Please, if you would just give me one more chance-” He was talking so fast that he was stumbling over the words, but he knew if he didn’t say it all now, he will not get another chance.
Something in Blackbeard’s eyes flickered, something akin to recognition, but it was gone with the wind in an instant. He lifted his sword and lighting flickered against it. He came even closer and pointed it at Stede’s chest, where his heart lay, trembling with fear, guilt and sadness. A single teardrop made a path down his face.
“Fuck. You.” He stepped closer, the sword now touching the fabric of Stede’s shirt. “You don’t get to beg for a second chance when you fucking left me. You had your chance. And you fucking wasted it. And now you will pay for it.” The sword was now digging into his skin, only one small push and it would break it.
But then, suddenly, Blackbeard did something completely unexpected. He stepped back, cut the ropes binding Stede’s wrists and legs. Stede had half a second to question this action before a sword was placed in his hand. Blackbeard had found another one too and was now pointing it in his direction. “Fight me, so you can go in a fair fight. Unlike the way you left me that night.” He challenged, determined, angry. Hurt.
“Ed, what, I’m not going fight you,”
“I said that is not my fucking name and yes you fucking are!” he screamed and lifted his sword and striked. Stede barely had time to blink, before his body reacted on autopilot, his sword meeting Blackbeard’s with a loud clink.
“Okay, I’m sorry, Blackbeard, please, let’s talk this out, we don’t have to–” But before he could finish, another blow followed and he barely managed to dodge it. Blackbeard seemed completely delirious, violence oozing out of him like blood from an open wound.
They fought on, but it was obvious Blackbeard was having the upper hand. The blade grazed Stede’s shoulder, making it bleed. He winced in pain. This simply would not do.
“Ed. I am not going to fight you. That’s the last thing I want to do,” he said, as he once again avoided a blade going straight through his stomach. He stepped forward, standing now face to face with Blackbard, looking him right in the eyes. They were so close he could feel his rapid breaths. Their swords pushing against each other. Oh, he would give anything to just touch Ed, to pull him in, to kiss him, anything. “I am sorry. I’m so very sorry. I…love you and I didn’t mean to break your heart. All I ever wanted was to keep it safe,” he whispered, trying to convey all the love he felt for this man in front of him though his words.
Ed looked right back into his eyes, which were completely unreadable, any emotion well hidden. „Well too late now, I don’t fucking care about my heart anymore. I don’t care about anything.” The anger seemed to be gone from his voice. Instead, it sounded broken, hurt.
Then let me care, please. I’ll take care of it. I will hold on to it for you. I’ll do so even when there’s storms and when there’s destruction. When you unravel and break. I will hold it, always, and when you’re ready, I will give it back to you. Whole, beating, alive. He thought, and in a split second, he dropped his sword just as Ed lifted his and ran it through Stede’s stomach, important bits be damned.
Stede didn’t feel shock. He didn’t even feel pain that much. All any other emotions other than his love for Ed suddenly were pulled underwater, drowned. He simply looked down at the place where the sword met his skin, whispered, „I deserve that,” and fell to his knees.
-
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries.
(„I Am a Rock”, Simon & Garfunkel)
***
The very first light of that day’s morning was blood red. It grazed the horizon, cutting it straight across and drawing blood. The storm at last had calmed, seeming to sink into the dark abyss of the ocean.
Ed followed Stede as he fell and cast down his eyes where blood spilled from him and his eyes widened when he saw a red cloth securely clutched in his hand. His red cloth. Then he looked back at Stede’s face, who’s eyes never wavered from his, face still strong and determined, only now slightly twisted with pain. Snap, a string cut, the tightrope of pride and grudge he had been balancing on now torn in two, and suddenly he was falling. Wheels turned in his mind, shock written all over every line in his face.
Stede only watched and then with great effort pushed himself forward, the sword sliding deeper through his body, but he barely seemed to mind, lifted his hand, searched for Ed’s, the one that wasn’t currently holding the sword married with his skin, unraveled his fingers gently, placing the red cloth in it and closed his palm around it. He wrapped his own palm around Ed’s and then looked into his eyes and smiled. A genuine smile, laced with nothing but absolute adoration, the morning sun worth nothing compared to the warmth that radiated from it. A single teardrop rolled down his face. Final apology. A confession. A love letter. Undoing, unbinding, forever altering.
And then he closed his eyes and let himself fall.
“NO!” Ed screamed and it echoed across the whole ship, ocean, hell it might have rippled through the whole world. “NO, NO, NO,” he continued to cry, tears now falling down his face like a dam had broke and finally, finally every emotion he had repressed flowed out with an unstoppable force, just like the blood now pouring out the love of his life, steadily taking the life out of said love more and more.
“Somebody help,” he rasped, and when nobody moved, out of pure shock no doubt, he repeated in a scream, “I SAID SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP OR I WILL TAKE THIS SWORD, KILL EVERYONE HERE AND THEN MY FUCKING SELF!”
The crew finally caught on and scrambled and ran to aid, trying to help in any way possible. Ivan and Fang cut the ropes that trapped Stede’s crew. Ed pulled out the sword and tossed it somewhere without sparing a second glance at it, like it had burned. And it had, only not his skin, but his very heart, set aflame inside out. He never let his eyes waver from Stede, who had fallen unconscious.
“Edward, are you sure that’s the right choice, I mean you could finally have this bastard dead-,” said Izzy who had come up behind him.
Ed only let his eyes slide to Izzy, away from Stede, for only a second, to award him with one of the deadliest glances, even the devil himself would waver, and said in an ice cold tone, “You say one more word, one more god damn word and you’re dead, understood?”
It seemed like Izzy was about to argue, but suddenly Jim was behind him with a knife in their hands, and placed it neatly over Izzy’s throat. “Got anything more to say?” Their voice left no room for argument.
Frenchie had summoned needles and bandages from somewhere and together with the help of Oluwande they were cutting Stede’s clothes open, to reveal the wound. Once Ed saw it, he nearly had to throw up. He had done that. He had pierced Stede right through and the fucking bastard hadn’t even bothered to dodge. Or to move to the side, to avoid the important bits, like he had thought him. That fucking idiot. If he died right now, Ed would never forgive himself. Never.
He surged forward, and used the only thing available right away to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding - the god damned cloth. It immediately soaked with blood, stained his hands. He didn’t care.
Roach appeared with a bottle of rum. “Uh, Blackbeard, sir, I need to put this on the wound. And then sew it.”
“We-but-sh-shouldn’t we move him to a more comfortable place or-or’” he was stuttering, grasping for words, for any sense at all. Being a pirate all his life, he was no stranger to injury. To death even. But this was different. This was Stede.
“No sir, I’m sorry but there is no time. We need to perform the surgery now, moving him would cause more bleeding and he’s already lost too much blood, Blackbeard, sir.”
Reluctantly, Ed moved to make room for Roach to do his thing. However, he never let go of Stede. He cradled his hand in both of his hands, and held on tight, to comfort Stede or himself he didn’t know. “You’re gonna make it. You have to. You better fucking make it, mate, or I swear to god I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. I’ll die. I’ll fucking die without you,” he sobbed, unable to stop the words from flowing now that the dam had broke.
The next half an hour passed in a blur. Ed was close to being completely inconsolable, just muttering to himself apologies and begging for Stede to live, Roach quietly working with the wound, the only other sound him asking Frenchie or Oluwande to pass something to him every once in a while. The rest of the crew were anxiously waiting, busying themselves with useless things, pretending to clean, fix something, anything. Anything to pass the dreadful time full of the unknown.
Eventually, Roach clapped his hands together and wiped them on a piece of cloth. “He is all sewed up and bandaged. I’ve done my part. Now, he has to do his.”
They carefully carried Stede to the Captains quarters, Ed immediately regretting throwing out all the luxurious items like bedsheets and robes. Now Stede will have to sleep in the uncomfortable space Ed had created in his undoing, yet another reminder what a monster he had been. And still is, his mind added helpfully.
The rest of the crew left the room with quiet frantic whispers. Ed immediately took a chair and placed it next to the bed and took Stede’s hand back in his. And he cried. He cried and cried, broken little sobs escaping him, growing breathless.
Eventually, he fell into a restless sleep, unable to cry no longer, the exhaustion of months of heartbreak pulling him under. The skies outside had started to lose the blood red tones, clear blue slowly, gently taking their place. Ed slept.
***
The hinges creaked as I opened the door
And let sunlight through
Slowly, but surely, it filled every dusty corner
Like a cup, it overflowed
And suddenly, I held the whole world in my hands.
-
Stede dreamt of storms, sea monsters, of his father calling him pathetic and Ed telling him he deserves to die. He woke with a sharp, sudden breath, pulling himself upright, only to be met with excruciating pain. “Ah,” he grit out, and lowered himself back into a laying down position.
A sharp intake of break made him look to his right and then he saw the concern filled brown eyes on him of none other than Ed. “Ed, ah, what-”
“No, don’t speak please, I need to tell you something. Please?” There was no sign of Blackbeard. This was Ed, his Ed, , every emotion he felt raw and open on his tear stained face, clearly nervous to say whatever he wanted to say. Stede nodded.
Ed inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, like Stede had once thought him, to calm anxiety. “I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry, Stede, I fucked up, I fucked up so bad, I never fucking wanted to hurt you, not like this, I fucking love you, I thought you were going to die and I thought I will never get to say it back but I do, I love you so much, more than anything in this world and I forgive you and I love you and I literally almost fucking killed you-”
“Hey, hey, Ed, look at me, look at me, darling,” and when Ed’s tear filled eyes found his, he continued, “Breathe, love, breathe. That’s it. In and out. There you go.”
“Fuck you, you’re the injured one and you’re here fretting over me,” Ed said shakily.
“Just because I am injured, doesn’t mean I’ll let you have a panic attack, Edward,” Stede said, looking at him with absolute earnestness.
Ed signed, “I seriously don’t deserve you…” he muttered under his breath and before Stede could object, he cleared his throat and started again, “I am sorry, though. I didn’t want to-”
“It’s okay, Ed, really. I deserved it anyway. I left you, I broke my promise, and your heart. And for that I’m sorry. I forever will be. And if you’ll let me, I would like to make it up to you, the best I can. For as long as you’ll let me.”
Ed let out an ugly sob at that and Stede was about to find his hand to hold, only to realize Ed was already holding on to him. He squeezed it tight.
„I love you, Stede..” was the only thing Ed managed to say before he continued his breathless cries, and buried his face into the covers of the bed.
„Darling. Look at me, please?” Stede said softly. Once Ed did, Stede gently tugged him closer until their faces were inches apart. Tears drifted across both of their faces now. „I love you too, Ed.” He said earnestly, honestly, and the depth of the words settled deeper than the ocean below them.
They looked into each other’s eyes for a while longer until they both were pulling closer, closer and their lips met. It was like their first kiss, only now filled with a lot more desperation, pulling them together and fitting all the broken pieces together. They both signed into the kiss, relief filling their bones, calming the uncertainty. It was like finding safe haven amidst a storm. It was like a guiding light, showing them the way to safety. It was coming home.
They pulled back to catch their breaths and pressed their foreheads together. Stede felt fresh tears slide down Eds face and wiped them gently away.
“I am so lost, Stede, I am so fucking lost without you. Please don’t leave again,” Ed whispered shakily, eyes pressed closed, as if afraid to open them and realize this was all just a dream and he would once more wake alone and broken.
“Oh, love. I am right here. I am right here and I’m never leaving again.” Stede pulled back, waited until Ed opened his eyes, brushed a stray piece of hair out of his face. “I will keep you safe for as long as I shall live.”
“Guide me to safety, Stede. Guide me, please and keep me safe.”
Stede pulled him into another kiss.
A few escaping sunrays peeked in through the half shut curtains and warmed their skin.
***
Later, they woke to the sun already setting and their limbs tangled together, Ed pressed as close to Stede as he possibly could without disturbing the wound too much. They kissed, kissed again and then kissed some more, their bodies sun and love warmed.
Eventually they got up, Stede leaning heavily on Ed for his wound still was fresh and painful, and headed to dinner. They met the crew who had all huddled together in the kitchen. Everyone instantly halted in their conversations once they saw Stede and Ed enter, hand in hand. Ed’s eyes widened as he saw Lucius sitting pressed close to Black Pete. There would have to be a lot more conversations to have, apologies to give, things to sort out, wounds to heal, but for now, Lucius spared a small smile to him and turned back to talk to Black Pete.
Ed and Stede sat down and the conversations continued. Stede looked at Ed, squeezed his hand and pecked his cheek. Everything was going to be okay.
***
Bonus:
“Love? Where are you?” Ed called as he entered their Captain’s quarters. He still couldn’t believe it was now their quarters, a space they shared, and not only the space, but their lives and love for each other.
“In the bathroom, darling!” came Stede’s answering call. Ed walked into the room and found him vigorously scrubbing something in his hands.
“What the hell are you doing?” Ed asked and he came closer and placed a kiss to Stede’s cheek.
Stede smiled, without taking his eyes off of his task at hand. „Washing your silk cloth, this lovely thing had stained terribly.”
When Ed finally saw what exactly Stede was doing, his stomach did an uncomfortable flip. He was was washing his own blood, the blood that Ed had caused to spill, out of his cloth. This man, this ridiculous, amazing, lovely man. Ed loved him more than anything in the world.
He hadn’t noticed he had started to cry until Stede had turned around to face him, muttering, “There we go, it’s a bit stained still, but I’m afraid I don’t think you can wash that out anymore, its blood after all-” and then he saw Ed’s face and his own instantly filled with worry. „My dear, what’s wrong?” he carefully placed the fabric down in order to cradle Ed’s face in his hands and stroked it with his thumbs softly.
His brows furrowed and he tried to find words. “Nothing. It’s just that.. you’re, you’re so.. good to me..”
The corners of Stede’s lips rised in a small, concerned smile. “Oh, Ed..Why wouldn’t I be? I love you. I love you so much and you deserve good things. Would you like the cloth back now?”
Ed smiled. “No. You can keep it. Forever.”