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Kunikida’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance and he made a point not to look up from the paperwork he was (albeit furiously) working on. Besides him, Dazai spun in his chair, singing that obnoxious ‘Double Suicide’ song that he was so obsessed with.
“You can’t do a double suicide alone~”, Dazai sang, oblivious to the array of amused expressions pointed his way (Kunikida being the exception).
The blonde looked up with a huff, seconds away from breaking his third pen of the week. Yosano laughed at his misery, “Oi, Kunikida! You always let him get under your skin too easily”, she teased, smirking at the still-singing brunette. She swears that he was doing this intentionally, Dazai always liked to poke fun at the blonde.
Kunikida fixed his glasses and glared at the doctor, “I absolutely do not!” Yosano rolled her eyes and went back to polishing whatever weapon was in her hands. That woman sure did scare him.
Dazai’s voice crescendoed and he threw his arms up in a flourish, belting the lyrics with every bone in his body. Atsushi shook in silent laughter at the rising fury on Kunikida’s face, Kyouka standing next to him with an impassive expression.
Kunikida’s eyebrow twitched once more before he yelled in frustration, breaking his pen with a snap . Dazai cracked open one eye at the sound of his furious coworker, a shit-eating grin plastering his face. Dancing his way on over, he flung his arms around Kunikida.
“Oh Kunikida-kun~”, Dazai drawled dramatically, headphones falling off his head and to the floor as the blonde attempted to swat at him. The brunette spun his coworker around, pulling him out of his seat by his arms. Yosano snorted on the mix of emotions that just passed through her friend from Dazai’s antics.
“Dance with me Kunikida-kun! This song is too beautiful not to be shared!”, the brunette exclaimed, posing the two of them so they looked like they were about to tango. Atsushi, no longer being able to contain his laughter, let out a full-belly laugh. Yosano and Kenji joined him in his amusement at their short-circuited coworker.
Kunikida, finally realizing that this ridiculous situation is in fact real, grabbed Dazai by the collar and shook him violently. “RAAAAAAAA DAZAI, YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME GO OFF SCHEDULE!!” the blonde shouted, becoming infuriated even further by the smug expression on Dazai’s face.
The pair’s newest daily argument ceased momentarily when they heard someone enter the office.
“Chibikko!” Dazai's eyes practically sparkled at the sight of the intruder, “My dog has finally come to save me!”, he exclaimed.
Chuuya, the ‘Chibikko’ in question, scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I won that bet, remember? I’m not your fucking dog.”
“Ah~ but you are my dog!” Dazai crooned, wiggling out of Kunikida’s grasp to go pester the ginger. He slinked over, throwing his arm around his former partner’s shoulder, “For life in fact! You’re even the size of on-”
Chuuya didn’t let him finish, choosing to sock him in the jaw instead. Dazai fell to the floor from the impact of the punch, causing Atsushi to gasp in shock, “Dazai-san!”
Ranpo cheered, throwing his hands up in the air, “Knock out!”
Dazai rubbed his now sore cheek, frowning at his assailant, “It’s not nice to hit people, you know,” he chastised.
Chuuya didn’t seem to care, shrugging in a carefree manner and walking over to Kunikida. “Anyways,” he started, “The boss wanted me to come over here and pick up some paperwork he sent over a while back.”
Kunikida nodded, “Ah yes, I’ll get that for you right away.” He maneuvered his way over to his desk, rummaging through his contents as the mafioso waited patiently.
The previously fallen brunette had, however, sprung back up and draped his arms over Chuuya’s shoulders. “You mean you didn’t come all this way to see me?” Dazai inquired, humming in delight when his old friend’s face turned slightly pink.
“Hah?! Don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn’t do such a thing!” he protested, shoving Dazai off of him and moving closer to Kunikida. Atsushi furrowed his brow at their dynamic, confused at their closeness and Chuuya’s reaction. Glancing around, he saw that Yosano seemed confused as well and Ranpo was notably more smug than usual.
“Um, am I missing something here?” Atsushi asked quizzically, looking back and forth between the two enemies.
Dazai sauntered over to the gray haired boy, poking him with one finger. “Now what would you possibly be missing, dear Atsushi-kun?” he pried, a mischievous glint in his eye.
Atsushi avoided his gaze, suddenly embarrassed, looking over at Chuuya instead. The ginger raised an eyebrow at him, “Don’t fall for his tricks, kid. He’s just trying to mess with you,” Chuuya warned.
The brunette side-eyed the shorter man, muttering, “Rude,” under his breath. Giving up, he walked back to Chuuya and stood beside him. Chuuya eyed him suspiciously for a moment, before his attention was directed back to Kunikida.
“They must be in the back,” the blonde observed, standing up from his desk. He strolled out of the room, calling back behind him, “I’ll go get them.”
Chuuya sighed, adjusting the gloves on his hands. This was taking longer than he had expected. Dazai sat down in the chair nearest to him, leaning back in a leisurely manner. “More time for you to spend with me then!” he announced, pleased with himself.
The ginger shook his head, almost… fondly? “You’re insufferable,” he commented, voice too soft for it to come across as mean.
Quickly, before he could stop him, Dazai pulled him into his lap. Chuuya, being incredibly flustered, blushed furiously. His former partner kept his hands on his waist, smirking in triumph.
Yosano leaned over to Kenji and Ranpo, whispering, “This is some gay shit right here.” The two nodded in agreement, Ranpo not seeming to be very surprised at all.
Kyouka’s usual indifferent demeanor changed slightly, looking somewhat puzzled. She cleared her throat, “Sorry to interrupt, but are the two of you together?” asked, rather directly.
Dazai hummed, “Not just together! In fact…”
Chuuya took off the glove on his left hand and held it out for everyone to see, “We’re married,” he finished.
Everyone stared in shock (minus Ranpo of course), Dazai proudly grinning at surprise on everyone’s faces. After that, the questions just filtered in:
“How long have you been married?”
“Since we were 18,” Dazai replied, playing with Chuuya’s hair, “I proposed after I left the Mafia.”
“But don’t you two hate each other?!”
“Oh don’t get me wrong, I hate the fucking bastard,” Chuuya agreed. “I just happen to love him too.”
“Why’d you never tell us?”
Dazai shrugged, trying to look innocent, “You never asked!”
After all the questions, Yosano shook her head in disbelief. She stood up, slamming her hands on her desk, “I don’t believe it, this has to be another one of your elaborate schemes to mess with us, Dazai” she accused.
“Yeah prove it!” Ranpo instigated, mouth half full of potato chips.
Chuuya groaned, clearly exasperated, “For crying out loud.” He placed both hands on his husband’s face and planted a kiss right on the mouth.
Dazai looked dazed, mouth half open in astonishment and eyes full of love for his partner.
Yosano stared at the two before moving on, “Damn, I guess it’s true,” she concluded.
At that moment, Kunikida walked back in with the files. “Alright I’ve got th-” he paused mid-sentence, taking note of everyone’s expression’s in the room. The blonde narrowed his eyes, “What happened?”
“Nothing!” Kenji smiled sweetly, “Dazai-san is married to Chuuya-san that’s all!”
Kunikida dropped the papers, mouth wide open at the unexpected news.
“WHAT?!”