Work Text:
Room for You
Tora lit a cigarette, resting his elbow on the open car window. Keeping his eyes on the red traffic light, he inhaled deeply as the tobacco smoke filled his lungs together with the smell of the city that he knew so well. Concrete and dust, the occasional whiff from the fish market down by the Narin River harbor, burnt rubber and exhaust fumes from the closed highway where the dumbfucks raced at night, cheap perfume lingering on the stairs of red-lit buildings, alcohol and piss from the narrow alleys spidering through Ares Street District, sweat from the backroom of a gaming hall where fights broke out over a lost poker game, gunpowder and metal, blood, money, blood, money.
The night was warm and humid and he knew he should probably keep the windows closed and the air conditioning on, but the thought of Poppy smelling cigarettes on his clothes bothered him. Although she didn’t seem to mind. He did not intend to go back to her tonight anyway. He checked the time - 11:03. She was probably asleep already.
“Just leave her be, ya dumbass.”
Better drive to his apartment in the city and catch some shut-eye. It had been a long day. Early in the morning, he had driven Quincey to his appointments in Narin City, leaving Poppy to unpack and get settled in her new home. Then Tora had gone back to his place to change and meet with Gyu. The kid caught a man who looked like Gil on the surveillance cameras at the train station, boarding a train heading South. The next town over was Rootburn. Tora spent the whole day chasing that lead, only to come back empty-handed again. Another waste of time.
The traffic light changed to green, yet he didn’t move. Alone at the crossroad, he pondered for a moment which way to go - to Poppy’s or his place? Technically Poppy’s was also his place, but he had promised he would give her time. And space. Easier said than done.
How the hell could he give her space when that psycho boss of hers was still on the loose? With the exception of catching the fucker, being near her was all that Tora could do to protect her. He still had no idea if Gil was working alone or if he was allied with one of Narin City’s clans. What if they found out that Poppy was in Felicia Bay? Slim chance, but Tora learned a long time ago that that was not the kind of thing to leave to chance.
Leave no lead unchecked, no stone unturned, no traitor alive. He already fucked it up with Goliath. And now Goliath haunted him with his damn notebook and the shitty mess he left behind.
“Idiot.”
While loving nothing more than to blame Goliath for everything, Tora couldn’t shake off the guilt. It wasn’t Goliath who dragged Poppy in all of this. It wasn’t Goliath who let his dick do the thinking for him, instead of robbing the civilian like any other thug would have done. It was the fucking Tiger of the fucking Ares Street who had to go and fall for the cute little hamster like some dumb teenager with a crush.
Breaking all the rules for her just to see if she gives a damn. Fucking moron.
She was not for him. But this didn’t stop him from wanting her. This didn’t stop his mind from wandering to her in the middle of a fucking mission or his damn heart from beating out of his chest at the thought of having her in his arms again. It wasn’t like him not to obtain what he wanted, be that women or money or a faster car or information he needed from people who crossed the wrong clan. It wasn’t like him to say all that shit to her, I’m sorry, I’m honest, always, almost always, I missed ya. This was not who he is.
No, you’re a fucking monster , the vile voice whispered in his ear. Monsters don’t have feelings. Weren’t supposed to have feelings.
But it felt good, too fucking good, to be with her. Teasing her and tempting that sweet blush to bloom over her cheeks, uncovering the little asshole within her, being the target of her snappy retorts. It felt liberating. Almost as if he could forget himself. Almost as if the clan and the shit he did weren’t important anymore, didn’t matter. So what if he wanted to laugh and do stupid things like hold her hand in public? So what if he wanted to feel one ounce of joy for a change, to feel the taste of normal on her lips? So fucking what? Was that too much to ask?
What’s the point? You can’t change who you are. You will die alone, son. No pretty things for monsters in this house.
Tora blew the smoke out one last time before stubbing his cigarette and closing the car window. His hand was shaking. Blood pulsed in his ears.
Monster. Alone. Not for you.
He was tired and the fucking anxiety was messing with his head. Recognizing the signs of an attack, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Poppy’s trick worked again. Vincent’s voice lost its power.
Monster.
“Fuck you.” Tora put the car into drive. He left with a screech of tires, flooring it toward the interstate, mentally slamming a door in that fucker’s voice’s face.
***
Half an hour later Tora unlocked the gate to his new property in Felicia Bay. The house was quiet, shrouded in velvety darkness. Finding the front door also locked, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. At least Poppy secured the place before she went to bed. He would feel better with some cameras on the garden walls. Tomorrow he would take care of it.
He let himself inside.
“Bobby?” He called in a low voice.
There was no answer. Tora turned on the lights and left his shoes in the entryway. He felt strange, not truly believing this was his house. Unfamiliar smells permeated the air. Polished floors, freshly unwrapped appliances, cardboard boxes, and old, wooden cabinets.
Poppy's plants already adorned the manor’s main room. Most of them were placed on the floor next to the thin paper walls that filtered the sunlight during the day. Some were displayed on the lower shelves. None hung from the ceiling. Tora made a mental note to buy a ladder. And more plants for her if she wished so. Whatever would help her feel better and more at home in this new place, he would do it.
Keeping his distance, however, proved difficult or, as it seemed tonight, impossible. He had no issues with people getting mad at him. Learned a long time ago not to care much. But not her. Her mad hurt. Her avoidance put a thorn inside his chest and Tora could feel it sting every time she turned her eyes from him. He thought he understood why, when she explained yesterday. He had done the same to her after all. He thought that maybe this morning things would be different. But she went back to carefully averting her gaze, staying out of his way without a word until he left with Quincey.
As if her acceptance, her honesty, and passion from last night never existed. Now they were both stuck in some kind of emotional limbo, leaving him to wonder if she regretted any of it.
There was no light coming from her room and the door was closed.
She’s asleep. Good, Tora thought.
It was for the better anyway. He was exhausted and they were still not talking. Spending the night in awkward silence was not how he imagined this would go. But what the hell did he imagine? What the hell did he think would happen as he found all sorts of excuses to come back here?
Perv.
The thought sounded loud and clear in his head. In her voice. He found himself suppressing a laugh. She would say that, wouldn’t she? Smart Bobby.
She would come out of her shell eventually. He just needed to be patient. Maybe tomorrow he would get her to talk to him again. Provoke her with one of his pervy jokes. If she wouldn't talk, she could at least throw a jab at him. Let her get the mad out through violence. That could work, wouldn’t it?
With this resolution in mind, Tora went to take a shower. He changed into briefs and a tank top. Sleep sounded fucking wonderful right now. He slid the bedroom door open and froze.
Poppy was sleeping in his bed. Curled into a ball, wrapped in his blanket. On his damn bed. Mattress. Whatever. In the corner, a small lamp shaped like a turtle threw an amber glow over her body, making her seem unreal.
Fuck.
“Oi, Bobby,” he whispered, unsure if he wanted to wake her up.
Best go sleep in Quincey’s room, leave her be.
Yeah, leave her to rest, he said to himself while his feet carried him closer to the bed. Just make sure she doesn’t suffocate under that blanket drawn up over her ears, he lied, crouching next to her small figure. He drew the covers off her face, brushing his knuckles over her shoulder. She wore the same red PJ top. The straps cut into her skin. He passed his fingers over the mark.
“Bobby, it’s me. I’ll be next door, don’t be scared when ya wake up.”
Tora doubted his whispers carried through her dreams, but it didn’t hurt to try. He withdrew his hand and turned to go when she stirred, revealing a dark piece of fabric clutched to her chest, bundled up in her hands like a small pillow. Tora looked closer.
Shit.
Poppy had her nose buried into his black t-shirt from yesterday. He felt like he just got punched in the stomach. Instead of leaving, he dropped to his knees. His t-shirt was her comfort pillow? His bed? Him?
Christ, sweetheart. What do you do to me?
Who the fuck was he lying to? He never wanted to go to the other room. He never wanted to just check if she was safe. He wanted to be with her. Every minute and every day, he wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her that he will fix everything, that he will get her to trust him again, that he… Goddammit.
Tora rounded the mattress and lay down beside her. He propped his hands under his head, staring blankly at the tall ceiling. For a while now, he had wanted to tell Poppy everything, but for one reason or another, he couldn’t. Now the words piled up in his chest, weighing him down, constricting him. He let out a deep sigh.
“I know you’re scared, sweetheart,” he said, his voice a low hum in the semi-darkness. “I know you’re mad and scared and feel trapped right now. I know that’s on me. I’m sorry I fucked up. For what’s worth I thought I could handle it better, keep you away from this shit. Safe and away. Sorry I didn’t tell ya sooner. About the notebook and Gil and… all of it. I tried, I swear I did. But we were cut short so many times and when we weren’t, ya seemed… happy. To be with me. Didn’t want to spoil that.”
He turned on his side, watching her. With her back to him, her body moved in rhythm with her breathing, a delicate dance he would have missed if not for the little lamp in the corner.
I guess it’s easier this way, he thought, feeling the need to speak his mind even though she would not remember it in the morning.
“I was selfish, Bobby. I wanted more with ya. More time to hold ya, more time to get to know ya, more everything. But instead… I ruined it. I’m tryin’ to fix it now, but it seems it’s not enough, nothing’s enough. I still want it all. You. And when you’re done getting mad at me, maybe ya can forgive me? Maybe ya can tell me if I’m alone in this, if I imagined you’d want me too, cause I… I don’t know, Bobby.”
This was a bad idea. Saying these things out loud made them even more painful than what they sounded like in his head. Thank fuck she was still sleeping. If by any chance she remembered something, he could pretend it was all a dream. Dream Tora came to dream Poppy. He nearly chuckled. As if that excuse would fly.
He picked up a lock of her hair. Her fresh, flowery scent was enough to draw him close to her on a good day, but now, there was something else, a different pull that tugged at his heart as well as his body. It was urging him to move closer, embrace her. Tell her he couldn’t stand the space between them. Tell her that she belonged there, with him, against all odds. He nearly did it. He inched near her sleeping body until he almost touched his lips on the back of her neck. He inhaled deeply and stopped. Tora wanted to fill his lungs with her scent, have within him any part of her that he could.
Was this why she hugged his t-shirt? Doing the same as him, searching for the comfort of the other person without admitting to each other how much they needed it? Her skin emanated warmth like she had been standing in the sun for too long. The sun had kissed her, why couldn’t he do the same?
“Fuck, sweetheart. I can’t think straight when I’m near ya.”
Her skin erupted in goosebumps at his breath. Her scent made his head swim. It took him a monumental effort to let go of her hair and force himself back to a safer distance.
"Anyway. I wanted you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt ya. I didn’t mean to let ya down and lose your trust.” He sat up, watching her. “I’ll do my best to keep ya safe, Bobby, cause I think I lo-”
Don’t say it.
He turned his head toward the door.
Better leave now. Now.
“Because I care about ya.”
Chickenshit.
Tora cleared his throat. “Nice talk, Bobby. We should do it again sometime. Tomorrow over breakfast, yeah? Sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be in the other room.”
Fucking idiot.
He sighed. His body didn’t want to get up and leave. Why was he such a goddamn fool?
“Don’t go.”
Tora’s heart skipped a beat. He had been so caught up in his head that he didn’t hear her sit up behind him. Suddenly her hand grasped his, her eyes were pleading at him, the amber light made her skin glow and he was fucking speechless again.
“What the hell, Bobby? Ya scared the shit out of me.”
Poppy arched an eyebrow. “Excuse you? Who snuck into the house in the middle of the night? You’re not exactly as quiet as a mouse. More like a big… elephant… seal,” she muttered under her breath.
“A what?” Tora couldn’t hide the amusement in his voice. “Can’t sneak in if it’s your home, sweetheart.” He smirked, showing off his dimples. “Speaking of which, did ya forget this is my bedroom? Whatcha doin’ in my bed, Bobby? Were ya waitin’ for me?” It was too easy to tease her. Ignoring the small hope that she’d say yes. He expected her to blush, but not to withdraw her hand and turn away from him, stumbling over her words.
“That’s not… I wasn’t…”
What happened to his snarky Bobby? Giving him hell for being a horny asshole?
Way to make her feel more uncomfortable, stupid.
“Just messing with ya, sweetheart,” he conceded. “You can sleep wherever ya want, I don’t mind. Sorry I woke ya up.”
“No, it’s fine. I…”
“Ya said don’t go . Want me to stay here with you? I can. Somebody’s gotta fight off the ghosts, right?”
The joke didn’t reach her. She looked sad and Tora didn’t want to think that he made her feel like that. A second passed in excruciating silence. When she spoke again, her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“You were right, Tora. I’m scared. Not of the ghosts,” she shrugged, “or maybe a little of the ghosts too, but the other thing you said, the notebook part. But the scariest thing of all…”
“Wait, ya heard all that? And ya let me spill my guts without thinking to let me know you were awake?” His heart sunk. Shit, that confession was a lot. He didn’t think it through at all.
“Would you have told it to my face then? Be a brave little trooper for a change?” She raised her voice, challenging him.
Better snarky than sad, Bobby. Lay it on me. At least we’re talking.
It lasted only for a brief moment. Her gaze fell on her hands twisted in her lap.
“Touche, sweetheart. Fine. I deserved that. So tell me, what else are ya scared of?”
“You.”
It was his turn to flinch at her words. He should have left when he got the chance. He shouldn’t have come back here at all. Much less say all those things to her. Just get the fuck out now, you monster.
“No, wait,” she rushed to grab his arm when he tried to sit up. Even in the dimly lit room, he could see the shimmer in her big brown eyes. He couldn’t deny her anything when she looked at him like that. She slid her hand over his own, rooting him on the spot with the gentlest of touches.
“I’m scared of you,” she put her other hand over her chest, “being in here. Inside my heart. I promised myself some time ago that I would gain control over my life. That I would build back everything that Julri broke, starting with my… my self-esteem. I promised I would not let my feelings rule over me because, until I learn to trust myself, I’m just going to get hurt again and again. So I pushed them down and tried to control them. I told myself that you and me… we’re just friends who happen to feel…physical attraction. It can’t be more than that. We aren’t more than that, right?”
She looked like she didn’t want an answer. Tora stayed silent. He doubted he could reply in any way that was not hurtful for one of them.
Poppy rubbed her thumb absentmindedly over the back of his hand. She sat there, pressing her other palm over her chest as if trying to conceal an invisible gash. Her voice became smaller.
“Except I think I lied to myself. I gave you hell for not being honest with me, but the truth is I haven’t been either. I’m sorry for that. I ended up pushing you away because I’m a coward and couldn’t tell you… that I missed you too. Because I did. Every day. Even when I was mad and didn’t want to talk to you, I’d still miss you. I was trying to stand my ground but I ended up hurting both of us. Yes, I’m scared. There was this empty space inside my heart for so very long that now the thought of anyone…of you filling it… terrifies me. Because what if I let you in and one day you'll see it's not worth… one day you'll see I'm-" She took a sharp breath. "One day you'll leave too and I’ll be hollow again.”
She was faltering, unable to look him in the eye. This was so damn confusing. The thought of him, tucked inside her heart, like a piece of broken glass that could hurt her made his own chest ache. But then again, she just admitted that there was room in there for him. He couldn’t promise her anything, but how could he live with himself if he didn’t even try? Tora snuck a finger under her chin, tilting her head to catch her gaze.
“Hey, I’m here, sweetheart. Not goin’ anywhere. Shit, I couldn’t stay away from you for one stupid night, in spite of ya being mad at me. It’s gonna take a lot more for you to…” She was too close now. Or maybe he had leaned over, drawn by her spell. “To…” He brushed his thumb over her lower lip. So damn soft. No more sadness in her eyes, but acceptance. Desire. Need. He lost the words, scattered somewhere inside his brain as his lips touched hers. This was way better, this was a language he could speak.
Kissing her was like prayer and adoration altogether. Maybe his mouth couldn’t forge the words she needed to hear, but it could capture hers, showing her how much he wanted her, how much she already meant to him.
Tora wrapped his arms around her waist, gathering her closer. Poppy fluttered in his embrace. He could feel her trembling but clinging to him all the same, sliding her hands up his shoulders, digging her fingers into the back of his neck. She was the one who pulled him on top of her as she lay back on the bed. She was the one who hooked her leg around his thigh, without breaking the kiss, demanding what her own words failed to ask.
Threading her fingers through his hair, she tucked it behind his ears to cup his face.
“I’m not mad anymore,” she breathed as relief washed over him. “Stay.”
“As long as ya want me to, Bobby.”
My Bobby. Forgiven. Wanted. My Bobby.
Tora didn’t try to make sense of the thoughts all jumbled up in his head. Didn’t even want to think anymore, just to kiss her senseless as long and far as she would let him. Explore her, trace his tongue along her jaw, lick the delicate arch of her neck, greedily inhale her scent.
“Tell me what ya want,” he murmured before nipping an earlobe. He nuzzled his way down to her collarbone, stopping briefly over the spot where her pulse vibrated under his lips. So damn fast. “Tell me if it’s too much.” His fingers lowered one strap of her top and his mouth followed, gently kissing the red line it left behind.
He hoped it wasn’t too much. Not yet. He couldn’t get enough of her as his hands roamed over her body. Everywhere he touched was soft, plush, inviting, making him heady with the need to lick and suck every inch of her skin, discover the taste of her. Become addicted to it. He wanted to unwrap her and see how far down her blush went. Would it spread over her breasts? Would it darken her nipples, now pebbled through her top causing his mouth to water and his cock to harden? He squeezed her ass and pressed himself over her, just a sliver of control keeping him from slipping his fingers under the fabric and reaching the warmth radiating from her core.
“Not enough,” Poppy pleaded as if reading his mind. She tightened her leg over his thigh as he ground into her, the thin layers of clothing between them doing nothing to inhibit their desire. If anything, he started to feel her arousal through her shorts, her wetness seeping through the material and enveloping his cock in the most maddening heat. Fucking hell.
“Mmm, more then,” he rasped against her shoulder, trailing his tongue down to her cleavage. He took his time tasting her exposed skin, then reaching down to find new spots he hadn’t kissed under the neckline of her top. Her hands tangled in his hair again, finding the undercut. She brushed her fingers over the short bristles sending a jolt straight through his spine, causing him to bite into her soft flesh. The bite wasn’t deep but she moaned low and strengthened her hold. Shit. He had to slow down. Not only for her but for him as well. He was already hard as fuck and barely able to refrain himself from going faster and harder while she panted under him. But she was still new to this.
Bring it down a notch, he reminded himself. Don’t be a greedy asshole. Savor her. Guide her.
He released the other strap from her shoulder, so easily now, with her arms around his neck, her fingers pressing at the back of his skull. She whined when he cupped a breast through her top, brushing his thumb over the hardened peak. He kissed her again, swiping his tongue against hers, catching her breath as her chest heaved, filing his hand. He kneaded her flesh, grazing his fingers under the hem of her top, the curve of her breast against his knuckles pushing his limits.
“More?” His voice was not his own anymore. Gritty with desire, strained with control.
Poppy’s eyes never left his as she nodded.
“More.”
Tora would have smirked, teased maybe, but his head was too clouded to form full sentences. He wanted her like nothing else in this world. And right now, Poppy wanted him too.
Lifting himself just enough, he disentangled her arms from his neck to free them from her top. Something between a gasp and a mewl escaped her throat as he pushed the rest of the fabric down releasing her breasts into his hands. His own breath left him in a whoosh at the sight of her, flushed and warm under his touch.
“Christ, Bobby.” His mouth was on her creamy skin before she could reply. Not that she could, between the moans she bit off so hard that her lips bore the mark of her teeth. He caught a nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue over it before sucking it gently.
“Oh God,” she whined, arching under him, spurring him on.
“Enough?” His hand replaced his mouth as he continued to pepper kisses all over her chest, trying to get another whimper out of her.
“Uhn-uh.” Poppy grabbed fistfuls of his hair, guiding him to the other breast. “More.” He licked her nipple before clasping his mouth on it, tugging it harder this time. She moaned but kept him in place, pressing him into her until his nose was buried in the perfect cloud of her breast as his tongue drew circles around the rosy peak. “More.”
Holy fuck if that word didn’t do something to him. Something dangerous. It wasn’t even the word itself, but the way she said it, like a murmur, a demand dressed in silk, an intimate plea that threatened to crack any resolution he might have had of going slow. He wanted her to be his. Needed her like the air in his lungs, like the blood in his veins.
It didn’t matter that she could shatter him without even knowing if she by any chance would change her mind the next day. If she would return to avoiding him. It didn’t matter that she didn’t feel as much as he did or that she was too afraid to commit to him, it didn’t matter how deep her words stung when she said they were just friends with benefits. They were never that. Not to him. None of it mattered now. Now she wanted more. A part of her, the brave, fiery part of her wanted more from him and he would give her all. Everything. Anything she wanted.
She had wrapped herself around him like vines while he lavished her breasts with languid kisses. Her hands dug into his arms, gripping his muscles with a force he didn’t think she was capable of. Her calves rounded his lower back, not quite reaching to cross her ankles but planting her heels into his spine, pulling him harder into her.
It was the kind of pressure that stemmed from inexperience, the thrill, and perhaps fear of the new sensations racking her body so much that she tensed underneath him, holding tightly onto his neck and shoulders. There was also something else, an intensity within her, that surprised him. He felt it burning in her fingertips as if she was the one who held back, restraining her passion.
What would happen if you’d let it out?
He brought his mouth to hers once more freeing that poor bottom lip from her teeth only to soothe the marks with his tongue. When her tongue darted out into his mouth, he let her lead the kiss, giving her another ounce of control. Much too soon she retreated and instead of being sorry, Tora slid lower on her body, seeking the pulse points underneath her skin, from her neck to her collarbones, to her sternum, deeper into the valley of her breasts. He pressed his lips over each one committing them to memory as if marking all the stars of a constellation in the night sky.
He moved against her, slowly, with every intention of unleashing the fire within her. But then he felt her. Fucking hell, he felt her core hot against his abdomen, where his tank had ridden up and her shorts failed to contain the sweet juices now decorating his skin. Control? Where? When? It was slipping through his fingers, as he caressed her, each touch growing more demanding, more possessive. In the wake of his mouth, her chest heaved and her breathing became shallow. She was taut as a bow demanding release and he didn’t even get to taste the rest of her. Both could be fixed right now.
She lost her grip on him as he moved to kiss her belly, his hands rushing to memorize every bit of her until he hooked his fingers over the waistband of her shorts. So fucking close, his mouth watered at the thought of pleasing her with his tongue. He could get drunk on her, no doubt about it. He was already halfway there.
“Tora…”
The warning pierced through his haze of desire. He looked up. Poppy had buried her face in her hands as a violent blush spread up to her ears and down to her neck, lost somewhere over her beautiful breasts half-hidden by her arms. He swallowed hard.
“Enough?”
She nodded.
“Another time, maybe,” he said softly, forcing back a huff of frustration.
She nodded again.
He kissed her once just above the waistband before moving to her side, trying to ignore the ache of his cock as it brushed her thigh.
"Hey, look at me.” She couldn’t. He peeled her hands off her face and drew her to him. She hid inside his arms, pressing her face into his chest. Goddammit.
Maybe he rushed her too hard, driven by his own lust. Maybe reading the signs of her body wasn’t the same as understanding her mind. She had held so tight onto him as if he was her lifeline in that storm of sensations. He had thought she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.
No matter. They could stop, and take their time. She was there in his arms, she wasn’t mad at him anymore and she let him taste her skin. It was more than he hoped for tonight.
He focused on running his palms up and down her back in soothing motions until her breathing gradually slowed down and she relaxed a little.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. We don’t have to do nothing more. Just look at me, please.”
Her chocolate eyes found him at last. What did she see in him that he suddenly felt stripped down to his naked soul in front of her? Could she see his need for her? Could she see his fears too, not much different than hers? He held her gaze for a moment forgetting to breathe. Maybe he was wrong before, maybe she was the lifeline and he was the one who had been lost.
He traced his knuckles along her jaw.
“Tell me what’s wrong? Didn’t ya like it?”
Poppy’s cheeks flushed crimson. “It’s not that. Of course, I… I liked it. I just got into my head I guess, felt suddenly too self-conscious. Too exposed.”
“Sweetheart, if you managed to get into your head instead of wrapping your pretty little legs around my head , means I wasn’t very good.”
“No, you were good! Great,” she hurried to reassure him before realizing her mistake as he met her with a devilish grin. “Quit fishing for compliments you perv! Ugh, why are you laughing?” She yanked herself out of his arms forgetting her top was scrunched around her middle. His eyes darted to her bare breasts for a split second, but enough for her to notice and quickly cover herself with her hands. “Oh my God, Tora, I’m about to kick your-”
Tora grabbed her and pulled her to him again. “No need for violence, sweetheart. I'll behave, I promise." He smiled, resting his chin on top of her head. “Wasn’t laughing. Just wanted to have my feisty Bobby back.”
Fuck, that slipped out. My? She wasn’t his, was she?
Poppy quietened in his embrace.
“You did good, stopping me if that felt too intense for ya. But you don’t have to hide, not from me, sweetheart. I'm not gonna push ya to do something you don’t like. Not gonna judge ya either. As for looking at your… uhm… looking at you, I-" he felt his face heat up. Fuck, she had infected him with her blush. He could kiss and dirty talk her like no other but when it came to actual honesty, serious honesty, he was suddenly too dumb for words. He squeezed her closer, pressing a kiss onto her hair. "I can't help it if you're beautiful."
Tora whispered the words, half hoping she didn’t hear them. He started to realize just how deep her insecurities were seated. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel pressured into giving him more than she was comfortable with. Maybe they should really go to sleep now. He could hold her close all night long and it would be enough.
Poppy shifted in his arms, splaying her palms over his chest. Her fingers hooked over the neckline of his tank top as she pressed her lips on the peony petals inked into his skin. Tora froze. She moved slowly but with determination peppering a myriad of open mouth kisses to every fish and every flower she found. She kissed him as if breathing life into his tattoos. As if she whispered her secrets into them and sealed them with her lips afterward. It was tender while still sensual, so much that his breath caught and he was left wanting more.
“Sweetheart? Whatcha doing?”
“Mmm,” Poppy hummed before placing another kiss in the middle of his chest, right where his heart was beating the loudest. So damn loud that even he could hear it. The treacherous thing flung itself against the walls of his ribcage with violent delight as if trying to catch each of her kisses.
Her hands traveled to his lower abdomen, sneaking underneath his top. Her touch turned feverish as she ran her palms all over his bare skin to his front and to the small of his back, bringing him flush against her. Her mouth was hot across his collarbone and when she sucked at the juncture of his shoulder and neck, he swore silently at how incredible that felt.
“Poppy?” Tora’s voice betrayed him again. Desire bubbled beneath the surface. He didn’t trust himself to hold back a second time. “Thought ya wanted to…”
Stop. Don’t stop. Fuck, don’t stop.
Poppy raised herself to reach his neck, rubbing her body fully against his. Fucking hell. If he wasn’t already lying down, his knees would have buckled at the sensation. She had to know what she was doing to him. There was no way she didn’t know, the way she licked the sensitive skin below his ear, sending all his blood to his cock wedged between her thighs. “Changed my mind,” she whispered into his ear, scattering whatever form of coherent thought remained in his brain. Her hand tugged at his top. “Off,” she commanded.
Holy shit, yes.
Tora sat up and pulled his tank top over his head as she did the same. Still shy about her appearance, she didn’t give him much chance to look at her. She flung herself into his arms barely in time for him to catch her. They fell sideways back on the mattress with Poppy cushioned in his embrace. Her hands cradled his face, pulling him down for a deep kiss.
She drew back only to rest her forehead against his.
“I-” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Tora all but crushed her to him, wrapping his arms around her body so that every inch of her bare skin pressed over his. So close and so tied to each other that no one could tell where one ended and the other began. So close that the pounding in her chest attuned to his own erratic heartbeats, finding together a steadier rhythm.
“I want you,” she said. Still holding his face in her small palms, she looked at him, pupils blown wide and rosy lips puffed from their kissing. “I want you,” she whispered and rushed to kiss him again. “I want you, everything, anything, I want you.”
The same words that couldn’t break out of him earlier were now seared into his skin as she dotted kisses all over his jaw, his lips, his nose, and neck, threading her fingers back in his hair.
Anything. Everything. It’s yours.
Tora rolled on his back taking her with him. He crushed her mouth with his, not leaving her room to withdraw again. He ran a hand over her back to the nape of her neck, coming to glide his thumb over her cheekbone angling her head to deepen the kiss. His brave, fiery Bobby. She had pushed through her fears and stoked the fire he had felt in her, now threatening to burn him alive. He’ll burn then. Everything else be damned, he’ll burn.
“Christ, sweetheart. Take it then.” He drew her by her thigh over his hard length, making her straddle him. “Take what ya need, Bobby.” She slid over him, tentatively rocking her hips and his hand closed on her ass by reflex, guiding her to where he could feel her better. She moaned into his mouth when she slipped into place like a missing puzzle piece, fitting herself over his erection despite the soaked layers of clothing still in between them.
“I…Mmm…Never did this…not sure how…” She panted, her body vibrating with need. She propped her hands onto his chest and raised herself, her thighs molding over his hips. Then she ground into him. Slowly.
“Fffuck.” His hands dug into her curves, pushing her down, encouraging her to move. Faster. Harder. She picked up the pace and he watched her. Fucking gods in heavens. She was the most beautiful thing he ever set his eyes upon. Her hair fell down in waves over her back and shoulders, her eyes were closed, her cheeks were tinted rose, her bottom lip was tortured again between her teeth, her breasts heavy and full swayed with her moves and she was lost, completely lost to her desires and completely oblivious to how perfect she was in that moment. The amber light caressed her body, searing the picture of her into his mind. His heart might have skipped a beat. Or two. All he could do was watch her, breathless, awestruck.
The second she opened her eyes and realized he was watching her, something in her mind clicked. Something broke through the magic, casting a shadow over her delicate face. She gasped and stopped, suddenly aware of her nakedness. Her gaze ghosted over his cheek, his shoulder, to her hands flat on his chest. He could see the hesitation in her eyes, clear and painful like an icy shower. His hands shot up to catch her arms before she covered herself again.
“Don’t,” he grated out.
Anger flared inside him. Not at her, but at whoever made her feel like that in the past. At Jacob and Julri and God knows who the fuck else who made her believe she was anything short of beautiful, who shamed her for the curves he couldn’t get tired of kissing if only she would let him. He could kill them all if that would reverse the damage they had done to her. But it didn’t work that way. They didn’t matter now. She did. And she was starting to withdraw from him. He swallowed hard.
“Sweetheart.” His tone was pleading, soft. He rubbed his thumbs along her forearms. “Look at me.”
When she finally did, she leaned over him and her hair fell in curtains on each side of their faces, filtering the poor light in the room. He couldn’t see her blush, but he knew it was there. He sought her eyes and held her gaze, trying to tell her what his words couldn’t. It wasn’t enough, he had to do better.
“I wish you’d see what I see, Bobby.” Tora cradled her cheek with one hand, hooking his fingers underneath her ear. “Every part of you is fucking perfect. Ya have no idea how close I am to losing my goddamn mind over you. How much I wanted to touch you like I do now, to kiss you all over. To make you mine. Christ, sweetheart. Get out of your head and look at me. Look at what you’re doing to me.”
His free hand twined around her back coming to palm her ass and press her harder over him. She whined but didn’t pull back, keeping her legs tightly wound around his hips. Her weight over his cock felt like torture. Intoxicating and arousing torture.
“This doesn’t have to be more than what ya want, but you have to be sure, okay? Cause I want you, all of you. I want to see you and feel you and the only reason I hold back is to let you understand that. I want us to lose our minds together. And if you don’t right now, that’s okay. Just know that I could stare at you like a creep all night long, cause you’re absolutely fucking beautiful.” She leaned into his palm as a tiny smile curved on her lips. “This,” he whispered, brushing her lips with his thumb, “I’ll never get enough of this.”
"You'd be a creep?" Poppy's eyes glittered with mischief.
"The biggest sleep-deprived sucker you'll ever meet."
“We can’t have that.” She leaned closer. Her breasts pressed against his chest.
“No, we can’t.” His mouth went dry.
“You’re less grumpy if you sleep.” She rocked her hips, dragging herself over his cock. “You need rest in order to do… things.”
“All the things.” He caught her bottom with both hands. Just like her breasts, her ass fitted his palms perfectly.
"Didn't know you could be so," her mouth was only inches apart from his. "...persuasive."
Tora licked his lips. "You dig out the best in me."
"I'm sure." Her mouth descended over his like a storm. “Show me.” She cradled his face, sliding her thumbs over his cheeks, crashing down kiss after kiss. “Show me how to lose my mind.”
He didn’t need to be told again. In one swift movement, he hooked his arms under her ass and stood, lifting her with him. Poppy yelped.
"What are you doing?" She gripped his shoulders and wound her legs around his waist.
"Gotta find a condom. Didn't want to let ya go." He nuzzled at the base of her neck while moving through the room.
"Put me down, I'm heavy."
"You're not." Just to prove his point he braced her with one arm as he slid open the closet door. He rummaged inside, looking for the box Quincey had shoved in his bags on their shopping trip. For once the fucker's blind optimism paid off.
Tora found the box with his eyes closed, too busy kissing her, not leaving her time to climb down. “You’re light,” he murmured against her lips, “and sexy,” he licked along her neck, “and fucking delicious,” he finished nipping her shoulder. Tora squeezed her tighter against him, unwilling to lose the warmth of her skin against his. He must have tickled her somehow, because she tangled her hands in his hair and pulled his head back, giggling.
“Tora! You’ll drop me!"
When he looked at her she gave him an open, carefree smile. It tugged at his heart in an unexpected way. She looked as if her fears just melted away. Like she was trusting him beyond this moment, beyond this night. He had no idea when she relaxed in his arms or when she understood the truth of his words. Only that there was no more hesitation clouding her eyes. No more shadows.
“Not gonna let you go.”
The words escaped like a promise as if unleashing something that delved deep inside his soul. As if one last wall had crumbled and hope sprung free like a bird out of its cage. He loved her. Simple as that, the realization had fallen into place without a doubt. It felt right, so fucking right that he couldn’t refrain from saying over and over again, “Not gonna let you go. Not gonna let you go.”
Poppy kissed him continuously while he carried her back to the bed. After tossing the condoms on the pillow, he dropped to his knees and laid her down. He removed her shorts, then his briefs, discarded them on the floor. He lay by her side nibbling her lips once more before he let his mouth wander below her collarbone.
Turning his attention to her chest, he ran his hands all over her body, followed by his mouth, his tongue, his nose. Tasting every inch of her skin up to her belly button, sinking his fingers into the roundness of her breasts, grazing his teeth over the hardened nipples. Her scent of sunshine and arousal made him dizzy with want.
Poppy arched under his touch and in that motion, she rubbed her thighs against his length. It shifted his focus for a moment as his nerves caught fire and he groaned against her skin. Fucking hell, he was so close to her core, it was almost painful to hold back.
But he wanted to touch her first, to make her come under his hands and see her at the peak of her pleasure. He didn’t trust himself to hold as much control when he would be inside of her. He had never been with a virgin, but he knew it might hurt her. Giving her this now was a way to make the experience beautiful for her. First times should be beautiful, right? Should be worthy to be remembered.
He had never been with someone he loved either. But this first he doubted he would ever forget.
“Tora…”
It was an imploration, a guttural sound that echoed deep from within her, tumbling over him like the waves of a river. His name was fluid on her lips, a spell conjured out of the purest need for closeness. More. Everything.
Her hands roamed all over his shoulders and chest, wherever she could reach as if trying to feel him all at once. She gasped and moaned under the relentless pursuit of his tongue. Her fingers dug into his back, her nails scraped his skin.
“Tora, oh Tora,” she chanted, her eyes closed and body thrumming. He couldn’t stop touching her, tasting her. Completely under her spell. Tied to her. Lost in her warmth. In the feel of her silky skin. In the sweet sounds she was making, that drowned every other thought from his mind.
He watched her when his palm brushed across her pubic bone. He slipped his fingers into her slick center, pressing the flat of his hand against her clit. At the same time, he captured her mouth with an insatiable hunger. She moaned low and deep and the sound carried all the way through his chest.
He never stopped claiming kisses while he explored her, sliding his fingers in and out of her, so easily, so effortlessly. There was no rush in the way he touched her. Time didn’t exist anymore in this alcove of intimacy where they ventured with each other. There was only her. Her eyes hooded with desire, her blush over her cheeks, her lips plump and bitten. Her luscious breasts, her round belly, and the sensual curve of her hips. The sweet heat between her legs. He rubbed her clit slowly, firmly, attuned to the shifts in her body, to the sounds she was making, noticing when her grip tightened on him so that he could repeat the motion that was giving her pleasure and ease when she became too sensitive. He taught himself what she liked, prolonging the tension as much as he could. He led her to the crests of ecstasy until she came apart with a strangled cry, her mouth clamped on his shoulder and her face buried in his neck, clinging to him with desperation.
He wanted to do it again just to have her cling to him like that. Like she would never want to let go of him. But her body quivered with the aftershocks, so he gathered her into his arms instead. He brushed the hair off her temples, the sweat off her skin, and kissed her forehead with a silent smile.
"You,... you lied to me." She was heaving, her palms pressing against his chest.
"What? When?"
Poppy looked at him with fire in her eyes.
"You said together. Lose our minds. Together."
Before his brain registered what she said, she wedged her hands lower in between their bodies and wrapped them around his cock. She slid them up and down his length with unpracticed motions, just slowly feeling him, watching his reaction the same way he did with her. Her touch, though light as a feather, felt electric. Fucking hell.
She was high. There was no other explanation. She was high on euphoria and her filters came off. And he was powerless to stop her. Didn’t want to. Unfiltered Poppy touched him like he was hers. Like he had always been and only now she was brave enough to see it. She seized control without any inhibitions. Claiming more. Everything. Him.
If only his breath didn’t get caught in his throat. If only he hadn't been yearning for her touch for so long. If only she didn’t read him like an open book, tightening her hold on him. Drawing out her strokes, gliding her thumb over the top. Watching him, learning him.
If only he didn’t love her like a madman, he could have teased her back, he could have kept it together. But he was lost and all he could do was to pull her mouth on his, rasping against her lips, “Didn’t lie, sweetheart. Just got distracted.”
Tora disentangled from her just long enough to find the condom. She didn’t shy away when he sheathed himself, watching him with a mix of desire and fascination.
When he slid back on top of her, supporting his weight on his forearms, her body all but vanished underneath his large frame. He became acutely aware of their size difference. This time, against his untamed nature, he wanted to be gentle. No matter how intensely he craved her, how far she pushed his limits, she deserved gentle. She felt like the most precious thing he ever had or ever would be given.
Poppy tucked his hair behind his ears, cradling his face. She was trusting, wanting and so very beautiful. He pressed his forehead against hers.
“Just tell me…”
“It’s fine, Tora,” she said, sensing his concern. She kissed his lips. "I want this. I want to feel you," she murmured as she twined her legs over his thighs, pulling him closer to her center.
He swiped his palm through her folds, groaning when his fingers came out drenched in her arousal. As he brought his cock to her entrance he kissed her again, cupping her jaw with his free hand. There was little resistance when he pushed inside with all the attention he could muster at her body's response. She felt so fucking incredible, so perfectly tight around his cock, that only by a small miracle he didn’t sheath himself in her in one swift push. Gentle, she needed gentle, a broken piece of thought flickered inside his mind. Poppy held onto him, her palms warm over his neck, as she moved her hips in time with his, adjusting to him, drawing him deeper still.
“Fffuck.”
She winced when he sank completely inside of her. Dug her fingers into his skin, her legs tensing by reflex around him. Tora stilled, heart pounding in his ears. Sweat covered his brow and his body stretched taut with the effort of restraint. He sought her gaze.
“Bobby? Does it hurt?”
“No. Yes. A little. Don’t stop.” Her shallow breaths landed on his lips. She chased after them, claiming his mouth as he began to move again, trying to focus. Slowly. Making it easier for her. But as soon as he slid within her, it was impossible to stop anymore. His restraint crumbled like a house of cards. Not a sliver of it left as she panted in his ear, coiling her arms around his neck, fisting his hair into her hands.
“Don’t stop. Oh God, Tora, please don’t stop.”
She drew him over her, closer, tighter until there was barely room left to breathe. The tension in her body vanished. Her kisses turned fierce and deep, rough, demanding. A primal part of him awakened, growling, eager to take what she was giving. He thrust into her by instinct only, a string of curses ripping out of his mouth as he buried himself into her again and again.
His body molded over her and into her by its own volition in a collision of contrasts. His hardness and her softness, strong muscles and solid ridges enveloping her supple flesh, plump breasts and rounded curves, his skin - glistening in an explosion of colors, hers - a silken canvas tinted rose. So different, yet they fit into one another like two broken pieces from a sculpted whole.
He had been right. There was a fire inside her, an all-consuming fire, burning away any inhibition or control. Poppy writhed underneath him, raising her hips to meet his thrusts, raking her nails across his back, moaning, whimpering, groaning against his skin, sinking her teeth at the base of his neck. It consumed him, too, drawing him into untamed passion, a greed of senses. She was everywhere around him, enveloping his cock in a tight heat, her body stuck to him in sweaty madness, her legs curled over his thighs. She was everywhere inside of him, her scent running through his blood, intoxicating, liberating, her strangled cries echoing in his chest, the picture of her in wild abandon the only thing his eyes could see.
Sex had never been like this for him. Always in control and taking what he wanted, he had never been so starved for someone as he was for her. He had never been so utterly unguarded, completely unprepared for the havoc she rippled inside of him. Even as he claimed her body, she already owned his soul.
“Tora, I-, I-... hold me,” Poppy cried, gripping his arms. Her eyes, a storm of flames, pulled him into their depths.
“I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” He slid a hand underneath her to raise her ass and meet her clit as he plunged into her at a punishing pace. “Come for me, I’ve got you.” She came suspended in his arms, her head thrown back and mouth gasping for air. She came and took him with her, riding the waves of her pleasure, giving and demanding everything. His climax raked through him like wildfire, her grip on him the only tether to reality.
It had never been like this.
Completely spent, he drew out of her but didn’t let her go. Skin slick with sweat and heart pounding in his chest, he buried his head into her shoulder, trying to steady his breaths. Trying to gather his wits and figure out how the hell she managed to wreck him in one night. She stroked his back, her chest heaving underneath him as she regained her senses. A strangled laugh escaped her lips. A laugh that sounded like a sob.
Tora looked at her, horrified at the tears flowing from her eyes, even as her lips curved into a smile.
“Bobby.” He heard his own voice break.
“It’s okay, Tora, it’s…” she brought him to her lips, “It was good and beautiful and I’m… I’m happy.” She kissed him softly.
“Fucking hell, sweetheart. How can ya say that?” He thumbed her tears, as others streamed in their place. “You’re crying.”
“It’s too much. Too much emotion, I can’t explain.” She caressed his cheek. “It’s a good cry, it’s…” Poppy pulled him over her, pressed his ear over her chest. Her heart was racing. “It’s you. It’s what you said and how you hold me, and how you let me be…just me. It’s the way you look at me like I’m… like I’m important. And the way you don’t complain when I cling to you and…how you’re gentle when it matters.” Her fingers tangled in his hair and stayed there, pressing at the back of his head. “My heart is full of you right now and it’s too much.”
I love you.
He didn’t say it. Instead, he cupped her face and pressed a hard kiss on her lips.
“You are important. To me, you are, so fucking much.” When he drew back, she was smiling and her tears stopped running. “If anything, you’re the one who showed me what it’s like,” he swallowed the knot in his throat, “how happiness is supposed to feel like.”
“Oh, Tora.”
“No more crying, Bobby. Or I’m gonna think I ruined your first time. A fucking blow to my pride.”
“We can’t have that.” Poppy laughed.
“No, we can’t.”
She ran her fingers through his hair, untangling it in gentle motions. She had done it so many times, such a simple, yet intimate gesture. Now it was weirdly soothing, and comfortable, so much that he almost purred like a cat.
“I can’t seem to stop touching you,” she said softly.
“Don’t want you to stop.” He peppered a few kisses down her neck. “Gimme a minute and I’m gonna touch you, too. In other places.” He gave her a dimpled smile, relishing her instant blush.
“Perv,” she said affectionately.
“Your perv, sweetheart.”
“You’re mine, now?” Her tone was teasing if somewhat wavering. She didn’t look away.
“As long as ya want me, Bobby.”
“And I’m your girl?” Her eyes held hope, wide and beautiful.
“You’re my girl.”
Her lips were soft and salty, her hands warm, her touch possessive all over his skin.
“Mine,” she whispered against his mouth before she sealed the word with a kiss. Against his neck and shoulders. “Mine.” Against his chest. “Mine.”
The night stretched in breathy whispers. They made love again, unhurried and less intense, melting into each other’s touches, neither of them willing to succumb to exhaustion and sleep.
Tora carried her into the shower at some point, ignoring her weak protests. He laughed and hugged her when her knees gave way as soon as he put her down. They showered together, with the lights off and the window open to the moonlit sky. He let her lean on him as he lathered her and himself, dotting kisses in between, wherever his mouth could land. On her nose, her cheek, both her shoulders and her breasts, her fingers as she clasped them over his mouth when he reached the juncture of her thighs. Not yet, give it more time.
Time, time, they had time, and if not, they would steal it. He would find a way. He had to. Anything to prolong this impossible feeling growing inside of him. The feeling of being wanted, needed, accepted, held. Of belonging to someone by choice, of surrendering. Being filled with so much hope, so much light, that he could almost burst.
The early hours of the morning found them twisted around each other, back in bed, covered by the thin blanket. Poppy had fallen asleep on his chest, her legs trapped between his thighs, his fingers curled around her head. He brushed her cheek, making sure she was sound asleep before he whispered just enough to hear it aloud, to remind himself this was real, “You’re mine and I love you so fucking much.”