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Kissing Raj was so soft, it was different from anything he’d expected. Howard pushed him against the cushions, using his leverage to straddle him. For some reason, he couldn’t fully see everything that was happening, as if he was in some sort of cloudy haze. But his other senses were on fire, and he couldn’t help but move his mouth hastily against his, with the desperate need to taste every single corner. He could feel the hands of his friend pressing on his hips, nudging him closer and closer…
Howard snapped his eyes open and instantly sat up in his bed.
What the hell was that.
That. Wasn’t his typical wet dream. Why was Raj there? Why was he kissing Raj? Why was he enjoying it?
Okay. There was no need to panic, everyone had weird dreams, it wasn’t like you could control what happened in them. Like, if you dreamed that you were being chased by a giant brisket, it didn’t necessarily mean that you wanted to be chased by a giant brisket. Right?
Yes, it was perfectly normal. His best friend and him were seeing less of each other these days, because Raj was working with Sheldon basically non-stop. They’d even missed their monthly Sound of Music sing-along, and Howard was feeling a little bit lonely. Also, it had been a while since he’d got any below the belt action, and he was kind of pent up. Maybe his brain short-circuited and provided a mix of the two things he was missing right now : his best friend, and getting some.
There’s no need to panic, he repeated himself while getting up to pick out his outfit of the day. He was feeling like wearing purple, and he hoped that thinking about it would help him get his mind off this weird, never-happening-again dream.
***
It had been a few days since the dream. If Howard was being honest, he’d completely forgotten about it and the only thing in his mind at the moment was the prospect of an evening full of junk food and video games with his friends.
It was the first night in a while that Raj and Sheldon were not working late, so the four of them had decided to have one of their traditional pizza/Halo night. Howard was a little bit relieved that he no longer had to third-wheel Leonard and Penny’s dates. It was fun at first, but he quickly got tired of it when he realized he couldn’t even laugh at them and diss with Raj later on.
As usual, Sheldon was pestering Leonard about the food as he was unpacking their order.
"Did you ask them to cut it in 8th not in 6th?"
"Yes."
"Did you put my pizza box on top of the others so it doesn’t get crushed?"
"Yes."
"Did you ask for sliced pepperoni, not diced?"
"Yes."
"Did you get the mild spicy sauce, not the real spicy one?"
"I got both."
Sheldon gasped.
"Both?! But the mild one is the only one I like!"
"Ugh, Sheldon, next time you go pick up the pizzas." Leonard said in his usual tired, deadpanned voice.
"Well, that’s ridiculous, you know I can’t drive." Sheldon said as if it was the dumbest idea in the world. "I’m not going to take the bus to get pizzas, it would take forever."
The other scientist rolled his eyes so hard it could have popped out of his skull. He got the pizzas out of the bag he was holding, handing them their different orders. Howard scoffed and leaned over to Raj who was busy setting up the Xbox. He got a whiff of his cologne and vaguely noticed that it had been a while since he’d smelled that perfume.
"Boy, you must be fed up with his antics by now, being locked up with him all day. How are you holding up?" He asked, eyeing Sheldon who was glaring at the spicy sauce packaging like it had dirtied his favorite Spock figurine.
"Oh, it’s actually okay, once you get used to it." Raj shrugged. "It’s just easier to go along, and we get some pretty good results on our research."
"I should have known you wouldn’t mind being bossed around", Howard teased with a smirk. As soon as he said it, the dream resurfaced, and the image of Raj being bossed around in a completely different way hit him like a brick. What the fuck? He blinked, willing the thought to go away while struggling to keep a straight face.
"Say what you want dude," his friend replied looking a little bit annoyed at him, "you work with Sheldon for a day and then we can talk."
Thankfully he didn’t seem to have noticed anything. Howard sat on the couch on his usual spot trying to figure out what the hell was happening with his brain. Maybe he was having a stroke or something. This couldn’t be right. He tried to forget about it by picturing normal stuff, like a hot girl on a Vespa, or Princess Leia in the metal bikini in Return of the Jedi. That’s better, he thought while smiling to himself.
Only five minutes later, he somehow managed to get distracted by Raj again. His friend was absentmindedly shifting around on the floor, trying to detangle the different TV cables. Howard’s eyes fell on the back of his neck, poking out of his blue sweater and mostly hidden by his black hair. It looked soft. He kind of wanted to tickle him there just to see how if felt.
Jeez, what was happening to him? Hot girl on a Vespa, hot girl on a Vespa. Princess Leia in a bikini. Princess Leia in a bikini, on a Vespa... Okay, he was good.
Later, after the pizzas were long gone and they got tired of killing aliens (if you could ever get tired of killing aliens), Raj turned to Howard while Leonard and Sheldon were arguing about Covenant trivia.
"Hey, do you want to go to see the last Harry Potter tomorrow?" he said, putting a warm hand on his thigh. "I feel bad that we missed the Sound of Music last weekend."
Howard froze for one second, his gaze fixated on the hand that was laying on his thigh. Get a grip, he thought.
"Uh. Yeah, sure."
He got a little bit overwhelmed by the closeness. He had been close to Raj multiple times, and now he was embarrassed just because of a silly, meaningless dream? That was crazy. On another note, had Raj always smelled that good? Surely he was sick and his sense of smell was messed up in some way.
Raj smiled at him sweetly but Howard noticed the dark bags under his friend’s eyes. He must’ve been tired from all the work he had to do with Sheldon. He wanted to tell him to get some rest. Were his eyes always so intense? He never noticed anyone’s eyes, he couldn’t even remember the eye color of the last girl he was with. He shifted a little bit on the couch to turn away from Raj and all his freshly-discovered distracting features. He had a bad feeling about this.
***
"Take off your shirt."
"Ooh, bossy."
"For God’s sake, how many layers do you have?!"
"You know I’m always cold… But I bet you can warm me up."
"Oh, I’m going to warm you up alright."
Once Raj’s many, many shirts were off, Howard leaned in to leave a trail of kisses down his stomach. When he got to the fly of his pants, he smiled at the sight of his enthusiasm, feeling his own pants tighten. He just had to get rid of that last piece of clothing before he could get to the good stuff. He could feel his excitement run through his whole body, and right at the moment he laid his hand on his partner’s thigh…
His eyes snapped open once again. He didn’t jump to sit up in his bed this time. Instead, he laid horrifiedly in the dark with his eyes wide open as he was processing the last bit of information.
He was hard.
That was bad. Was he attracted to Raj? There was no denying that he was definitely turned on during the dream. And at this very moment, as he was laying wide awake. But… it was Raj! They had known each other for years. Why was this happening now?
Well, one thing was certain, there was no way he could go back to sleep after that.
In his misery, he couldn’t help noticing that his dream was so realistic, his brain even thought to imagine Raj with his usual ten thousand layers of clothes. Apparently, California was too cold for someone used to the « exotic subcontinent of India »’s boiling heat.
***
After the second dream, things got real out of hand, real fast.
He’d tried avoiding Raj, but he couldn’t pass on their daily lunch with Leonard and Sheldon. Except that now, for some reason, the two roommates were gone God knows where and he was left alone with his dreams’ new Bollywood-themed guest star. At least they were in the middle of the cafeteria, so it wasn’t the most intimate place, thank God. But he still was kind of distracted, he couldn’t stop thinking about the dream. Raj was saying something, but all he could think of was the number of layers he was wearing. What was under the sweater vest? Just the shirt?
"So, anyways, that’s how I realized I’m a total Charlotte."
"Mhhh." In the dream he’d only had to take the sweatshirt, the sweater vest, and the shirt off, but now it looked like he was wearing some kind of undershirt under…
"Howard!"
"Huh?"
"Dude, are you even listening? I thought I was a Carrie all my life, my whole world is upside down right now!" Raj exclaimed, looking extremely distressed in a surprisingly endearing way. What was he talking about? If the conversation had shifted to Sex and the City again, he was going to leave.
"Howard, are you okay?" his friend asked, suddenly frowning.
"Yeah. Sorry, I’m a little, uh… distracted."
Raj looked at him suspiciously, probably noticing that Howard wasn’t complaining about the fact that the conversation had indeed shifted to Sex and the City.
"You look tired. Did you not get any sleep last night?"
"Uuuuuhhhhhhh." Was the only answer Howard could manage. Great job. Raj was oblivious to everything, but he was still his best friend. He would notice that something was up at some point.
"Do you want my chocolate pudding?" He offered without waiting for Howard to clear his thoughts. "I don’t want it anymore."
He handed him the dessert before he could answer and Howard couldn’t help but notice the brush of their fingers. It wasn’t like it was the first time they ever touched. But this time, he felt his heart melt. Raj knew he loved chocolate pudding. He was he always so nice to him, even when he was being a dick or couldn’t dignify him with a proper answer. Maybe he was starting to understand his dream-self’s perspective a little bit better.
Whatever was happening to him since the dream, it was getting worse. Avoiding Raj was now becoming a number one priority.
***
His new resolution flew out the window once again when he got a call from him later that afternoon, begging him to come down to Sheldon’s office for an urgent matter.
Howard was slightly worried about what the "urgent matter" might be — various scenarios ran through his mind. One of them involved Raj murdering Sheldon after finally getting tired of his shit and needing Howard to get rid of the body, while another had him picture Raj pressed against the door while he was sliding a hand down his pants. Okay. That escalated quickly.
When he knocked on the door, he was out of breath for some reason. It opened revealing a sweating, disheveled Raj. He was only wearing a white tank top and his slacks. What was happening in there?
Sheldon was seating at the desk, thankfully fully clothed. He glared at Howard while a single drop of sweat dripped down his temple.
"Thank god you’re here." Raj exhaled at the same time Sheldon demanded, "What took you so long?"
"What. The fuck." Howard said at the sight in front of him. He felt a bit of relief when he realized that the temperature in the office was boiling hot, and it wasn’t just him being weird about Raj again.
"The AC’s broken and we’re dying." His friend whined, fanning himself with a magazine on Relativity. Howard frowned incredulously.
"Why would you call me? I’m not the janitor!"
"You’re an engineer, that’s essentially the same thing." Sheldon said matter of factly.
"Do you want me to help you?" Why was he even bothering with them? He needed to get away from Raj anyway and Sheldon could cook in his own sweat for what he cared. "You know what, just call maintenance. This is not my problem."
"But they’re on holidays!"
"Then why doesn’t Sheldon take a look at it, if he’s so smart."
"He doesn’t want to touch the air con."
"It’s filthy, it’s stuck on the ceiling." Sheldon added without looking up from his laptop. Raj turned to Howard with puppy dog eyes and actually batted his eyelashes at him. Ugh. He sighed, admitting defeat.
"Alright. What about you, I thought you were used to the heat." Why are you half naked? Was actually the question he wanted to ask.
"I got used to the climate. I’m like you weak Americans now, I can’t handle anything."
Howard rolled his eyes and got a chair to stand on while he was checking up their AC system. The office felt like an oven, and the ambiant heat did nothing to help his already overheating brain. Thankfully, whenever Raj’s biceps got a little too distracting, he took a look at Sheldon sweating forehead. Could this day get any worse?
***
Turns out, yeah, it could.
When Howard got to Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment to meet up with everybody for dinner, no one was there except Raj, casually sitting on the armchair with his feet on the coffee table. His hair was still a bit tousled from the AC incident earlier that afternoon. It was kind of cute.
"You know we eat on that table, right?" Howard said instead of blurting out his other thought.
"Hello to you too, I guess." Raj frowned at him but lowered his feet.
"Where is everybody?"
"They went out to get the food." He replied, his eyes focused back on the Doctor Who episode that was streaming on the TV. Howard sat on the corner of the couch that was as far away from the armchair as possible. That’s when he noticed it. The popsicle. In Raj’s hand. Inside his mouth.
"What, uh, what’s that?" He asked, unable to keep his eyes away from it. Raj shrugged and took it out of his mouth to answer. Was that what torture felt like?
"A popsicle. Penny gave it to me. Do you want one?"
"No, I don’t want a popsicle." Howard grunted trying to look as appalled as possible. "What are you, 12?"
Raj thought for a few seconds, then smiled widely at him.
"Yeah… Out of ten." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully and for some damn reason Howard felt his heart flutter while he was rolling his eyes.
"We’re back!"
The door opened and Penny, Leonard and Sheldon came in with bags of food. Thank God, he thought, as he was feeling on a very slippery slope. They started unpacking and Howard forgot about the popsicle for a minute. Until he heard a distinct "pop" to his left. His head snapped just in time to see Raj’s tongue slide out of his mouth and lick the green ice that had melted on his fingers. He put the full popsicle back in his mouth and grabbed his food order on the coffee table, blissfully unaware of the lewd thoughts racing inside Howard’s brain.
Shifting his head, he tried to focus on something else that could keep his mind off his indecent best friend. Or to keep his indecent mind off his best friend. Whatever. Either way, he needed a distraction, because his pants were feeling increasingly tighter.
Another "pop".
That was the last straw.
"Oh my God, will you stop that?!" He snapped without thinking, "It’s like you’re purposefully trying to…" turn me on. Well, he definitely couldn’t say that. "…to be a little piece of shit!" Uh-oh. That sounded harsh. He immediately regretted it.
Everybody turned to Howard with wide eyes. Raj looked hurt for a split second, then his brow furrowed in an angry frown. He didn’t even say anything, since Penny was in the room, but he didn’t need to. He got up to his feet and stormed off, slamming the door behind him.
Leonard and Penny stared at Howard incredulously while Sheldon turned up the volume of the TV with an exasperated sigh.
As if he’d just had been electrocuted, Howard jumped on his feet and threw the food he was holding on Sheldon’s lap, ignoring his yelp.
"Wait! Raj!" he exclaimed, running after him through the door.
He caught up to him right outside the apartment building.
"Hey. I’m sorry, uh" God, how was he already out of breath just by running down a flight of stairs. "I, uh, I didn’t mean it. It’s not what I wanted to say."
Raj turned to him, looking extremely pissed off. Howard willed himself not to be turned on by that. Read the room, man.
"Oh yeah? Then what did you want to say? I’m tired of you, you’re always so mean to me."
"What, that’s not true!"
"It’s like I’m never good enough for you!"
No, no you’re perfectly good, he thought without saying anything.
"And you’ve been super distant recently," Raj continued, "What have I done to you?"
"Nothing! It’s just… You know, I think I might be coming down with a fever?" He tried helplessly. He knew he didn’t look convincing at all.
"Yeah, right." Raj shook his head and his dejected look was even worse than his angry one. "You know what, I’m tired of being the only one trying to maintain this friendship. Bye." He added, and with that, he left while Howard stood dumbly on the pavement, wondering how the heck a stupid dream could have caused all this.
***
It had been three day since their fight, and Howard had finally decided it was time to explain everything to Raj. He was going to talk about the dreams. Because, yes, in case you were wondering, they didn’t stop. Au contraire, they increased, with a now newly unlocked variation : angry Raj wearing a tank top and eating a popsicle.
I am a sick man, he thought glumly as he knocked on his friend’s apartment door.
"Raj, open up, it’s me."
"Go away", he heard, his voice muffled from the inside.
"Come on, I want to apologize. Pleeease." He made an effort to use his best pleading voice. It always worked on Raj. To be honest, it wasn’t his first rodeo.
Ten seconds later, the door flew open and Raj moved to the side to let Howard inside. After closing the door, he turned to him and crossed his arms expectantly. That was his cue apparently.
"I, uh, I’m sorry I snapped at you," he started. "You did nothing wrong, I’ve just been very confused about something lately and I took it out on you."
Raj stared at him suspiciously.
"Alright, what’s been bothering you?"
Okay, here goes nothing.
"So. I had a dream…"
"Were you chased by a giant brisket again?" Raj interrupted. "I told you not to eat after eleven."
Howard let out a sigh. This was going to be difficult.
"No… that’s not it."
Raj waited, looking at him intently, still sporting his "I’m mad at you and there’s probably nothing you can do about it but I’d like to see you try" face.
"I had a dream. About you."
"Okay?" He lifted an eyebrow.
"We were kissing."
There was a pause. The second eyebrow raised to level the first one.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"And you would put that in the terrifying brisket dream category or is it more like the pleasant, new and exotic type of dream?"
Howard almost scoffed at how that was such a Raj thing to say, but he was also trying not to have a heart attack, so he tried to stay focused.
"Well, I didn’t really know what to think at first," — definitely would’ve put it in the terrifying brisket category, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud — "but it’s been happening more and more, and now I’m kind of wondering…"
"So you wanna try." Raj cut him off, staring right into his eyes.
"W-what?"
"Do you want to try? Kissing."
"Uh. No. I mean. Yes. I mean, I just wanted to let you know what was happening because you were mad at me and I wanted to make it clear that you didn’t…"
His rambling was cut off by a pair of lips pressed against his. Before he could realize what was happening, his mouth was moving on its own. Kissing Raj was so soft, it was different from anything he’d expected. He pulled him closer, holding on the back of his neck where the short hair was tickling his hand. That was definitely better than the dream. The perfume he noticed a few days ago was all around him, and it was intoxicating.
They pulled away, slightly out of breath. Howard’s heart was pounding against his chest and he was amazed that Raj didn’t comment on the deafening sound of it. Wow, he thought, but it seemed that the only thing he could do right now was blink.
"If it makes you feel any better," Raj started, "I dreamt of making out with you like a dozen times."
"What?!"
"Yeah, the real thing was better though."
"Wait. You dreamt about that? And it didn’t upset you?"
"Not really… You’re pretty hot."
"Wh… So you’re not bothered by it."
"No. Are you?"
"Well, I kind of was, but now that I think about it… it actually makes sense. You’re pretty hot too." It felt good admitting it.
Raj gave him a sly smile and pulled Howard towards him by his belt buckle.
"So… In that dream of yours… What were we doing exactly?"
Howard pulled him in by the collar of his colorful sweater vest.
So apparently he could get some and be with his best friend at the same time. As it turned out, the solution to all of his problems was right there.