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The stillness of the night echoed throughout the room. The faint hum of the outside could be heard through the windows. The humming of the street lights, the sound of any vehicles that happen to drive by, a cricket on the windowsill. All of it combined with the white noise of the bedroom. The noises seemed almost amplified for Junna Hoshimi, as if they were being blasted into her ears. But who could blame her? She woke up a few hours ago after a rather unsettling dream. Nothing too harsh or upsetting of course, but bad enough to wake her from her slumber. And unfortunately, despite her efforts…
She couldn’t fall back into that peaceful state of slumber.
At first, it was because of her dream. Upon waking up, it was as if she were fully rested, unable to fall asleep despite only having a small amount of time for it. And as her senses stayed fully aware, she found the noises surrounding her to be almost deafening, unable to hear herself think. Despite how much she tossed and turned, or how tightly she shut her own eyes… nothing seemed to work.
Junna has had enough of this, however. She sat up from her bed, rubbing her eyes furiously. She wanted to sleep… no, not just that. She needed to sleep. She and her classmates have been working on their latest play, Sherlock Holmes. Though she herself was not given the lead role, which went to her classmate Karen Aijo, she was still given a role in the play with plenty of time on stage. If she were unable to properly get some rest, her performance would likely decline. It was something she would rather avoid, if possible. The fridge was restocked a few days ago, which means there’s likely still some milk inside of it. If she were to microwave it just for a bit, it should be enough to help her get drowsy. With her goal set in stone, Junna began to slide off the bed and reached for her glasses, being as blind as a bat without them. After feeling around her desk flimsily, her hand finally rests on top of the familiar frame. She picked them up and placed them on her face… But as soon as she does, Junna notices something, off.
“... Huh?”
The bed next to her… it was empty. That can’t have been right though. Junna has a roommate called Nana Daiba, someone who she’s very close to, someone who’s helped her through a lot during her time here… and someone who has a very terrible sleeping posture. It’s almost comical how bad it is, though it does have the upside of knowing when she’s not in bed at the present time. But, that just begs the question, where is Nana?
“Nana? Are you still here?”
… no response, not like Junna expected one. Why on earth would Nana be awake at this hour? For what reason?... Something about it rubbed Junna the wrong way, as if something were seriously wrong… Or maybe it was nothing, maybe Nana was having the same problems Junna was with sleeping, and went to the kitchen to find something to help. But there’s no way of knowing, unless she takes the time to look for her now missing friend. Worried, and still wanting a glass of milk, Junna sits up from her bed to go and look for Nana.
The door to their room opened with a creak as Junna walked out into the long hallways, the kitchen not that far away. She would get her milk, and from there explore around the dorm. Surely, Nana had to be in here somewhere, so it shouldn’t be all that difficult to find her… However, her venture was cut off almost immediately as soon as she entered the main lobby, where the kitchen was. There, standing next to the sink, back turned to her, was Nana Daiba. She was holding a glass of water and… something else… though it was hard to make out, given how dark it was. At least that haircut was incredibly easy to recognize. As Junna walked closer, going unnoticed by Nana, she began to be able to make out the other set of items near her… It was a pill bottle of some kind. What… was Nana prescribed some kind of medication? Why didn’t she say anything about it? Taking a moment to gather what she would say, Junna eventually spoke out.
“... Nana?--”
The response was instantaneous, as Nana could visibly be seen jolting upwards. The glass of water in her hands slipped free of her grasp as it fell onto the counter, luckily not breaking somehow. Her left hand shot towards the pill bottle, shoving it into the pockets of her pajamas before facing Junna… She was smiling, as if nothing had happened. It was unnerving.
“Junna-chan! What are you doing up so late?”
The mood of the room was tense, despite her bright smile… Hell, was that even a smile on her face?... No, it wasn’t, that much was clear. Something is wrong. Junna sighed before speaking back up.
“I should be asking you that, Nana. When I woke up, you weren’t inside our room. I was worried something had happened, is everything alright?”
“Of course! I was just thirsty, that’s all. All I needed was a glass of water. I was about to head back to get some sleep.”
Junna stared down at Nana. “Nana, what’s in your pocket?”
“H-Huh?”
“You put something in your pocket when you turned around. It looked like some kind of small bottle?”
… There was no response, only Nana’s smile beginning to waver. Junna began to walk closer to her friend, who responded by instinctively trying to walk backwards, only to be stopped by the kitchen counter.
“Nana, if there’s something wrong, you can tell me. You know that, right?”
… A chuckle escaped from Nana’s mouth. “Y-you’re so silly, Junna-chan. I’m fine, really! I-I don’t know what you mean by a bottle, I just came here for some water, that’s all.”
“Nana–”
“Why would I want to hide something from you, there’s nothing to hide, nothing at all!”
Junna continued to walk towards Nana, her concern growing. “Nana, please–”
“I’m fine! I have been, and I will be. There’s no need for someone to start worrying over anything I’m doing. And there’s nothing to worry over anyway!”
Junna was almost inside the kitchen, as Nana continued to try and back away from her.
“Everything’s fine! Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine, everything’s fine, everything’s fine,” It was as if she were on the cusp of a panic attack, as if she were becoming more and more stressed the closer Junna got. Her breathing increased and increased. But… Why? What’s going on here? Whatever it was, Junna needed to stop it before it got worse.
“Everything's fine, everything’s fine, no one needs to worry about me, everything’s fine, everything’s fine, everything’s fine, every–”
At this point, Junna was close enough to Nana to be able to put her hands on her shoulders. “Nana, please! You need to calm down, you’re going to hyperventilate if you keep this up!”
The tense air in the room, while still present, started to grow quiet as Nana was cut off. With her hands on her friend’s shoulders, Junna could feel it. Nana’s whole body was shaking, trembling, as if she were terrified, as if she wanted to bolt away but couldn’t. Trying to talk her down from this wouldn’t work… at least, not with how she is right now. So instead of saying anything, while the air between them was silent, Junna took her arms and wrapped them around Nana in an embrace. She kept her voice to a soft whisper.
“Hey, it’s ok. I’m right here. You don’t need to go out of your way to hide anything with me around, I’m always going to be right here to listen, ok?”
There was no vocal response, but she could feel Nana’s shaking body grow more and more stable, her breathing slowing down more and more.
“I care about you, alright? I know you think you can handle these things by yourself, but you don’t have to. You’re not alone anymore, remember?”
She could feel her shoulder that Nana’s head was resting on become wet, likely from her friend’s tears. She could feel her arms slowly rise up and embrace her back… tightly. She could feel Nana’s head slowly nodding up and down before muttering a weak, “m-mhm…”
Junna kept her patient smile and quiet voice. “It doesn’t matter what it is, I’m going to be right here with you, and I always will. You don’t need to hold anything back, ok?”
Junna kept silent for a few moments, letting Nana take the time to calm down from her outburst. Her tight embrace slowly began to loosen, her breathing subsiding to long, slow breaths, her nose sniffling a little bit as her tears began to stop. It took awhile, but Nana had finally calmed down.
“Hey,” Junna perked back up with. “Do you want to sit down and rest a bit? We can head back into our room and relax together, ok?”
Nana’s head nodded up and down. “Y-Yeah… ok…”
“Ok. If you don’t mind, I’m going to take that bottle out of your pocket now. Then we’ll walk back together, alright.”
There was a pause, as if the question threw Nana off guard, thinking, or maybe hoping, that Junna would have forgotten by now. But in the end… “Ok… ok…”
Junna took her hand away and began to reach for Nana’s pocket. The moment her hand slipped into it, her friend jolted a bit, still likely worried about the whole thing.
“Hey, it’s ok. I’m not gonna look at it. I’m just taking it out, nothing more ok? Nothing bad is going to happen.”
She waited a few moments before continuing, taking a hold of the bottle in Nana’s pocket. Slowly, she removed her hand, and put the bottle in her own pajama’s pocket.
“We’re gonna head back to our room now, ok? You can take as long as you need to.”
Nana nodded her head, as her embrace over Junna loosened. Wrapping her arm around her shoulder, Junna began walking her back to their room. The walk itself was… long. Almost as if time was dragging it on, and on, and on. Not because the air was still rather tense, or that the room was so far away, no nothing like that. It was Nana. Her steps, her movements, were sluggish, as if she were still in a state of shock. Or maybe she was just exhausted from something. Whatever the reason was, rushing her back to the room would only make things worse.
So, Junna waited. Every time Nana had to stop, she stopped. No matter how slow she walked, Junna would keep to that pace. She wasn’t about to make her more stressed than she was. Even if the walk to the room took 10 minutes, it would be worth it.
Step…
After step…
After step…
After step…
After step…
Until finally, Junna and Nana had reached the door to their room.
It opened with a long creak and Junna helped usher Nana to her bed, which only took a moment. A rather long moment, but a moment. Nana’s movements were slow, as she took the time to sit down on her bed, needing Junna’s help to do so. Junna walked over to their door to close it, locking it so no one would walk in on them. She checked her pocket to be sure the bottle was in it, which it was. But she didn’t want to go behind Nana’s back just to see what it could be. Instead, she walked over to her friend and sat down on the bed right beside her. Without looking at it, Junna took the bottle from her pocket and placed it in Nana’s hand, which immediately closed as soon as she obtained it.
“I’m not going to pry on it, Nana. I’m not sure what it is you're going through, or if there’s any real way I can even help you, but…” She places her hand on Nana’s shoulder. “Whatever it is, I’ll be right here, like I always have. You don’t need to handle these things by yourself anymore.”
She wasn’t going to try and get into the depths of what was wrong. Even if it helped her better understand the situation, it would mean going behind her friend’s back. She wasn’t willing to do that.
There was a moment of silence between the two, as if Nana were too tired to give a proper response. Junna began to lift her hand off of her shoulder–
“Prozac.”
Junna stopped upon hearing Nana’s words. “... What?”
“It’s a pill bottle of antidepressants… My medication.”
Junna’s expression went cold, as the realization slowly dawned on her. Confusion, to realization, to understanding, a plethora of emotions began flooding her. It didn’t help that she was still rather tired, helping to add to the confusion. But… she kept silent. She wanted to let Nana finish.
“I’m… I’m not sure how long it’s been since I started taking them. At the least, it’s been a few years. My parents send each prescription to me every month in the mail, so that I don’t run out. They say that this’ll all go away soon, that I don’t have to worry about it, that I’ll be fine… but…” She stops, as if trying to find the next words to say… or maybe it’s that she’s having trouble bringing up the words.
“... Junna, I’m tired. I’m still so… so tired. I don’t remember the last time I ever got some proper rest… or if I’ve ever rested at all. No matter how much I sleep, or how much I try to distract myself and have fun, it always just feels so draining. I’ve tried so many times, but nothing helps.” Nana puts her spare hand to her forehead. “I can’t even get any good sleep anymore. Most of the time when I do sleep, it’s nothing but nightmares. Just this recurring dream where… W-where you and… and everyone else…”
Junna interrupts her. “It’s ok, you don’t need to describe it to me, Nana.”
“I just can’t stop thinking about it… what would happen if one day I just lost everyone… if I lost you…” She looks down at the pill bottle. “Heh… even these don’t seem to even help anymore. Like they’re just holding back what thoughts go through my head every night, never getting rid of them.”
Nana raises her hand back and tosses the bottle across the room, Junna’s eyes locked on it. The cap opens and the pills scatter across the floor. She looks back to Nana to see tears beginning to well back up into her eyes.
“But I can’t let anyone else see this side of me… I can’t.” Her voice is cracking. “I’m everyone’s Banana-Chan. I’m supposed to be the mature one around the dorm, around my friends. I keep everything and everyone organized and happy, or… or at least I try to. What happens if I can’t do that? If I can’t be happy and outgoing wherever I go.” A crooked smile starts to form on her face. “So I force it. I force a smile, I force a laugh, I force everything, just so that I can be everyone’s Banana-Chan. Just so that they don’t have to worry about someone like me… But you found out anyway, Junna-chan. I tried to keep you from worrying about me, so that we could have fun like we always do… and you found out anyway.” She turns her head to Junna, her smile growing farther across her face, as much as it could go. Tears were streaming down her face, and her voice had grown incredibly shaky. “I’m so worthless, aren’t I? I couldn’t even keep one measly secret.”
At that moment, Junna embraced her friend once more, her grip on her much tighter than it was earlier. Words were swirling around in her head, a mix of countless emotions swarming through her body. She placed one of her hands on the back of Nana’s head, keeping her close. No words were spoken, not a single one… because there didn’t need to be. The embrace alone was enough to Nana, enough to get across what Junna wanted her to know.
That everything was going to be ok.
At first, Nana didn’t know how to react, her head swarming with all kinds of thoughts. Mostly negative, at that. But it didn’t take long for her body to respond. Her smile completely broke, the strings she had attached to it to keep it in a smile finally being cut. Her arms wrapped back around Junna, as her head, her body, rested on her friend's body. The tears streaming down her face increased. She had a little trouble breathing, her voice completely broken, as if she couldn’t properly form any sentences. The silence that emanated throughout the room was replaced by the sounds of sobbing, the phrase “I’m sorry” being gasped out by Nana every few moments. Junna meanwhile, kept her grip strong around her friend. She had no way to track the time, no way of knowing how long exactly it had been, but she didn’t care. She was going to stay right here. For however long it would take.
…
……
………
…………
……………
The sobbing had subsided, as Nana’s voice had grown quieter and quieter. It felt as if her body had begun growing limp in Junna’s arms, as if she were losing her energy. It must have been a long while they’ve been like this for Nana to have exhausted herself.
“Hey, Nana.” Junna started, impulse taking over. “Would it help you if we slept in the same bed, just for tonight? I’d be right here if you needed anything.”
Nana didn’t verbally respond, but Junna could feel her nodding head across from hers. A very soft “Mhm…” could be heard as well. Without hesitating, She helped the now exhausted Nana lay down onto the bed before laying right next to her… It’s rather odd. Normally, such a thing would embarrass Junna to no end. She would probably hop right out of bed too. But… that feeling wasn’t present at all here. Nana’s arms had instinctively wrapped back around Junna, and Junna had done the same. They were both tired, Nana moreso, they both needed their sleep, and Nana needed some form of comfort for a good long while. Despite how embarrassing it seemed, she was willing to provide that to her. Her eyes finally began to feel like lead, slowly closing on their own, as the two girls slowly drifted into slumber.
And for Nana, for the first time in months… It was peaceful.
The sounds of a Sunday morning flooded throughout the room. The breeze of the morning air, the humming of birds, and the bustling of the Starlight Dorm as everyone got up for the morning. Junna felt her eyes become less and less heavy, as she began to rouse from her slumber to a sight she wasn’t too used to, yet all too familiar with.
Nana. A drooling smile on her face, usually seen whenever she was asleep… At least she looked a lot better now.
Junna slowly sat up from the bed, about to rub her eyes before realizing that her hand wasn’t reaching them… And that was thanks to the fact she forgot to remove her glasses, smudging them up in the process.
Groaning at her now smudged sight, Junna looked around to gain a sense of her surroundings. After all, she had never woken up on this side of the room. In the corner, however, she notices the antidepressants scattered across the floor, the pill bottle lying empty among them. Taking a breath, she gets up, making sure not to rouse Nana from her slumber, and walks up to the pills, making sure to pick up every single one. Before long, each of the pills were placed back into the prescription bottle. Walking over to their desks, Junna places the bottle on top of the wooden surface. And almost as soon as she does, she hears a loud knock coming from the other side of the door, startling her in the process.
Walking over to and opening the door, she is greeted face to face with none other than Karen Aijo.
“JunJun, there you are!”
“Good morning, Karen…” Junna replied as she rubbed her eyes, making sure to avoid her glasses this time. “... Why wouldn’t I be here?”
“Nobody’s seen you or Banana-chan at all this morning! Some of us were getting worried you would miss out on breakfast!”
“A-Ah, right…” She looks over at her unconscious friend on the bed, pondering for a moment before looking back at Karen. “Listen, Karen, you all can eat without us. Nana isn’t feeling well right now, and–”
“She’s not?! Is she sick or–”
“No, but she’s asleep, Karen.” Junna lets out a groan. “And I’d like to keep it that way for now. She’s not sick, just… not well.”
Karen stares for a sec, putting a finger to her head as if she were pondering. “Hmmmm… Ok, JunJun! I’ll let everyone else know!... Is Nana going to be ok?”
Junna gives Karen a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I’ll make sure of it.”
Karen returns her smile with one of her own before rushing off back to the dining area, Junna closing the door soon after. Turning back, she was relieved to see Nana was still asleep on the bed. Not wanting Nana to wake up by herself on the bed, Junna proceeded to slip back into the sheets beside her friend. Almost instantaneously, Nana wrapped her arms… and legs, around Junna, as if she could somehow sense her presence. Not that she minded, she was more than happy to let Nana do whatever she wanted for the moment so that she could relax. Especially after what happened last night.
Strangely, her friends breathing next to her, and the comfort of the bed, began to lull Junna back into a sense of drowsiness.
“... Well, at least it’s the weekend.”
Making sure to remove her glasses again, she let her body sink into the bed once more, into Nana’s body, as she began to slip back into a world of slumber.
She would make sure Nana would be ok. Seeing her in the state she was in last night was… heartbreaking. The way she viewed herself and how she thinks she should act around others, it just wasn’t healthy. So she was going to make sure Nana would never feel like that again. She didn’t care how long it would take, Junna was going to be by her side, no matter what…
And like that…
The realm of dreams crept back over her mind.