Chapter Text
Sometimes, in the depth of night, you lose sight of who you are.
When the world around you is asleep, the barriers between what is real and what exists only in your head are already thin, and there are nights when they disappear altogether. On those nights, your dreams are different than usual. Out of this world, bizarre and nonsensical. In it, you see impossible things. Lives you never lived, people you never met, strange beings that sound human but look anything but. A fantastical fairy tale, if you are lucky. The times when you are not, it's a nightmare filled with terrifying images. Grotesque mockeries of things and people who you know as nothing but kind and thoughtful. On those nights, you wake up drenched in sweat and unable to go back to sleep.
Tonight is one such night.
Restless, you leave the warmth and comfort of your bed behind. There is a soft breeze coming from the open window, chilling the air with the nightly cold. Even in the middle of summer, the nights are not overly warm, and you wrap yourself into a thin sheet before quietly opening the door and stepping out onto the balcony.
Below you, the city lies sleeping. It's not entirely dark, of course. Streetlamps line and immerse the empty roads into a soft yellow glow, and in the tall buildings all around you, there is the occasional lit window. Someone might still be up, nose-deep into their work or their favorite book. Or maybe behind one of the lit windows, there is someone carrying around a child unwilling to sleep through the night yet. Maybe there are groups of people simply having a good time, enjoying the late hour with music and delightful company. Perhaps the one or other person in this city is awake for the same reason you are. With how many people live here, the possibilities are endless.
In a way, Amaurot never fully goes to sleep. Even in the darkest parts of the night, when the sun is furthest away, there is always a glimmer of light somewhere, and standing out in the cold, wrapped in the sheet still warm from sleep, it helps you breathe away the uncomfortably wrong feeling of your dreams.
If only you could remember them more clearly once you wake up. The first few times, you were glad that you couldn't, eager to make something that unsettles you this much fade away as quickly as possible. But the more often they happen, the more you think that maybe having a clearer understanding of what it is that unsettles you so would be helpful in the long run. Perhaps if you knew in greater detail what drives you out of bed on these nights, you would have an easier time convincing yourself that you worry about nothing.
You sigh softly as you stare ahead, mindlessly watching the city lights flicker. There is nothing you can do about it, you know. Maybe, for now, it is enough to breathe in the slightly cold air, close your eyes for a moment, and simply let yourself calm down enough to go back to sleep.
"Something troubling you?" comes a voice from behind just before two strong arms wrap around you, drawing you back against a warm chest. It seems like you haven't been as quiet when getting up as you thought you were if you have woken him up.
"Nothing in particular," you answer quietly. "Just a bad dream."
Behind you, Hades' arms tighten a little, holding you close.
"The same one again?" he murmurs against your hair, and when you nod, he sighs in sympathy. "You really don't want to tell me what they are about? You've had more and more restless nights lately."
He is not wrong about that. At first, these strange dreams had been rare, once every few months. But lately, you find yourself sitting upright in bed more often. Each time clutching your chest and out of breath as if you had run a race. But even after quite a few nights of this, one thing about them hasn't changed - you barely remember a thing the moment you are awake again. All that lingers are a few shadow impressions, unintelligible whispers in your mind. That, and the eery feeling of something being deeply wrong.
"I don't know how to describe them."
Your weary voice sounds almost defeated at that. It's not like you don't want to tell him. You tell Hades everything. Ever since he came into your life so many years ago, he has been the person you are most close to. Your best friend, your confidant, your love. He is all that and so much more, more than you could ever put into words. And you know he only wants to help, you know he hates to see you unwell, and he would do everything in his power to make you feel better. But you cannot describe that which you can barely remember.
"Hades," you whisper quietly. "Do you ever have this feeling, this irrational sensation that something terrible is going to happen?" You lean further into his embrace, your hand closing over his arm to ground yourself. "Just a really strange fear of something on the horizon you have no control over and might be powerless to stop?"
Part of you feels silly for asking, especially someone like him. Hades is perhaps the most powerful sorcerer of this age and a man who is as calm and methodical as one can be in nearly everything he does. Even in times like these, where everything is uncertain and the entire Convocation is working hard to find a solution for the dooming problem ahead of you, he always keeps a clear head. It feels weird to even suggest such a thing, but then his arms around you tighten, and you feel him bury his face against your hair as he lets out a deep sigh.
"Of course I do," he whispers quietly. "Every single time you are away on one of your travels, and I haven't heard from you for a while."
He holds you impossibly close, and your stomach flutters at his quiet confession. Perhaps it should concern you that even someone like him doesn't have all the answers, that even the calm and collected Hades has his moments of doubts and trepidation, but in a way, it is somehow soothing to know that you are not alone in these moments, that he feels like you do.
"Come back to bed, love," he murmurs against your ear just then. "I'll make sure you feel nothing but pleasure for the rest of the night."
You chuckle lightly at his suggestion, knowing that he will have no difficulties making good on his words, and with a last look over the city skyline, you nod and let him lead you back inside. Hades' arm is around your shoulders as he closes the balcony door behind you, warm and comforting. He moves slowly enough so you can let your head rest against him. When you reach the bed, he gently turns you around, his eyes warm, inviting, and never leaving you as he plucks open the sheet you've wrapped around you and lets it fall to the floor.
You know you'll never get tired of the way he looks at you. From the very first moment you've met, a long time ago now, there has always been something in his eyes that felt like it was specifically for you. There is no one else he looks at in quite the same way. Like he has a whole set of expressions, a look, a smile, a tilt of his head, that is just for you and you alone.
Hades looks at you like you are the only thing in the whole world worth seeing. You know he cares deeply about other things and about other people as well, but all of them pale in comparison to what you mean to him, and he is never afraid of showing you just that.
Everything is soft around you. The sheets, the pillows, the bed itself, they all make you feel like you are almost floating. And then there are Hades's touches.
For a man as abrasive as he sometimes manages to be in public, the way he touches you is always surprisingly soft and tender. Like you are made out of glass, and a single wrong touch could shatter you to pieces. He manages to do exactly that, of course, through his gentle caresses regardless.
Tonight is no different. When he gently pushes you to lay back, his eyes are full of promise. No lights are burning inside your bedroom. The only thing illuminating the air a bit is the faint shimmer of the city lights from outside. It's enough to see each other in the dark but comfortably intimate at the same time. A few rays of moonlight fall onto the bed through the window, leaving patterns of white light on the sheets and on your skin. The light runs along your chest, and you can see its reflection shimmer in Hades' eyes as he lowers his head and his tongue darts out to tease the hardened peaks of your breasts.
Your eyes flutter shut for a moment as you arch into his touch, and you blindly reach for him, full of desire to touch him in return. But he doesn't let you. Instead, Hades takes both your wrists and presses them into the sheets next to your head.
"Let me take care of you for now," he murmurs with a soft smile. "Just lie back and let me distract you."
This isn't new. There are always moments when Hades wants to focus completely on you, giving you all his attention while asking for nothing in return, but somehow this time, your first reflex is to strain against his grasp. You aren't even sure why. You've never done this before, but the second you push back, his grip turns a lot harder. His weight on your hands keeps you in place as his fingers tighten around your wrists. It's fast, a little bit painful, and part of you is reeling as you do your best to bite back a surprised moan at the sensation.
Hades lets go instantly, pulling back a little like he has been burned. There is a frown on his face, and he tilts his head at you with a curious look.
"Are you alright?"
You're not sure if he is surprised at your reaction or his own, but you swallow heavily before you smile at him and nod.
"I'm fine," you assure him. Your voice is slightly shaky, and Hades doesn't miss that fact, his eyes above you narrowing.
"You are certain?"
This time your smile is wider as you nod firmly.
"Absolutely." You're just a little bit rattled from your dream, you're sure of that, and still smiling, you relax back against the bed, deliberately leaving your hands lax next to you right where he put them to show him everything is fine. Invitingly, you wiggle a little underneath him, trying to get him to return to what he was doing, assuring him, "I didn't intend to stop you."
Hades hesitates for another few seconds, his eyes searching your face before he seems assured enough. A moment later, he leans down to kiss you, his tongue slipping into your mouth and thoroughly taking your mind off whatever strange thing just happened. You moan against his lips, the sound getting swallowed by his mouth as he kisses you deeper. It feels like it always does, absolutely perfect. You could lose yourself in his touches forever and would never even miss anything else, you know. One of his hands roams over your body, softly teasing the tip of your breast until you gasp into his mouth.
Out of nowhere, you suddenly wonder how it would feel to have his teeth clamp down on your lips. How much would it sting if he bit you like this? If he would pull at your lower lip with his teeth until you let out a noise of... pleasure? Arousal shoots through you at the thought, followed by a bout of confusion as you try to make sense of why you would even think such a thing. You banish the thought as Hades moves down your body and goes back to teasing your breasts with his mouth. He knows just how to touch you, knows how much to tease to work you up, knows how to coax those soft and yearning moans from you he enjoys hearing so much.
His hands wander, and so does his mouth. More arousal rushes through you as his head disappears between your legs and his tongue makes sure you forget everything but his name for the next few minutes. He works you up until you are a withering and moaning mess, gasping his name and pleading for more.
For one strange moment, you almost want to call him by his title, and the mere thought throws you off. You never call him that, not even when you should during convocation meetings. It always felt off to do so, and you can't help but wonder where that strange thought is coming from. You can't think much further about it when Hades is suddenly above you again, his hand sliding softly through your hair as he slowly enters you. You freeze for a second, involuntarily, like for one fleeting moment, you almost expect this to hurt. Above you, Hades stills, once again looking at you full of concern.
"Are you sure you are alright?" he asks carefully. "Do you want me to stop?"
You give him a sheepish look as you shake your head vehemently. You don't want him to stop. You never want him to stop when you're together like this. Deep inside of you, something is mortified at your own thoughts. Hades has never hurt you before, not even on accident. Why in the world you would suddenly think that?
"Please," you whisper, moving your hips to urge him on. "I need you!"
He has always had a weakness for this one word. Please . You've found out early in your relationship that there is nothing he denies you if you ask him just right, plead a little with him. It's the exact same today. The words fall from your lips, and he does as you ask. Gently, he rocks into you, and you whisper his name, reaching for him and letting your hands wander over his arms and shoulders. When Hades moves a little bit faster, you wrap your legs around his hips, moving along with each thrust. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his lips pressed against your skin as he murmurs your name with enough reverence to make it sound like a prayer.
After a few moments, he shifts back a little, and you find yourself staring at him with wide eyes, and your vision blurs. In the moonlight, his face half in the shadows, he seems to look vastly different for a moment. Like the lines on his face are harder while everything about him seems darker somehow. His golden eyes don't feel soft like usual but piercing instead, and his brow is furrowed more deeply than you've ever seen before. You blink fiercely, trying to clear your head, and just like that, everything is back to normal. Hades' long, white hair falls into his face as he moves above you, and the look he gives you speaks of nothing but love and desire. He leans down to kiss you gently, and when he draws back and starts speeding up, his eyes fall shut with a blissful sigh as he chases down both your and his own pleasure.
And still, the unsettling sensation persists.
You want to murmur his name, to call out to him and have him say something reassuring in return, but no sound makes it across your lips. A moment later, your eyes widen even further as you realize it's not your voice that you're lacking but the air you need to speak. Something feels tight around your throat, unyieldingly pressing down and leaving you unable to breathe. Your hand flies up to claw at whatever it is, but there is nothing there. You blink, and for a second, you think you can see fiery red leylines encompassing you, magic, strange, powerful, and intangible wrapping around you. Weakly, you grasp at Hades, and when his eyes open, he moves even faster.
He doesn't see it, you realize in an instant. He sees your eyes wide and your lips parted, chest heaving, and aims to give you the release you so obviously ache for. He doesn't see that everything feels wrong.
He doesn't see that you feel like you're dying.
And a moment later, something explodes within you. The pressure around your neck disappears, and when you gulp in a mouthful of air, you think you see stars for a moment as come with a shudder and a small scream. The pleasure is so overwhelming you can't move for a while, just like you are unable to think a single coherent thought. You know Hades follows you right after. You're dimly aware of soft kisses along your jaw before you hear him moan your name deeply, all while you still seem to float on the aftershocks of your own orgasm. When it slowly ebbs off, the first impulse you feel is to scramble up and get out of this bed, away from the sensation that had felt so much like you had the life choked out of you for those few moments.
Instead, you lie perfectly still, fiercely focussing on the way Hades' arms wrap back around you as he shifts to lie beside you and draws you back against his chest. He flings a sheet over the both of you, nuzzling the spot where your shoulder meets your neck.
"Feeling a bit better?" he asks, his voice a mix of playfulness with a lingering trace of concern.
How are you even supposed to answer that?
You count yourself lucky that you aren't facing him, sure that he would be able to read that something is still off on your face the moment he sees your expression as you nod softly.
"Much better," you murmur as you stare blankly ahead, desperately trying to make sense of this.
Right now, in Hades' arms, lying peacefully against him and hearing him breathe behind you, the world seems perfectly alright. Everything is as it is supposed to be. Everything but your rapidly beating heart.
"I'm glad." You can hear in Hades' voice he is about to fall asleep again as he murmurs a soft "I love you" into your ear.
A wave of affection rushes through you as you let yourself relax deeper into his warm embrace. Perhaps those strange dreams had messed with your head a lot more than you realized. Whatever those weird sensations had been, they are clearly over now. You are fine, safe in the arms of someone you know would do anything for you. And with this thought, you start to feel your own exhaustion. From the glass door of the balcony comes a slightly more insistent shine of light, announcing the early morning as your eyes fall shut and you drift back to sleep, ready and yearning for some sweeter dreams.
They do not come.
Instead, you are right back at the horrors you could never quite remember when being awake as you drown in a dream of your world breaking into pieces.