Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

A warm breeze was flowing through Dani’s hair and the aroma of exotic fruits had been swarming her senses constantly upon arrival at the marketplace. People were jostling by, elbowing Dani in the ribs, trying to scramble from one stand to another, hurrying to get the best product for the least amount of coin.

Dani walked past a stand with fresh fish, a silky parasol atop to keep the product in the shade, out of the burning sun. The unpleasant smell filled Dani’s nostrils and she quickly moved over towards stands that provided fruits and vegetables. The clinking of coins and chatter of people around her, made Dani smile to herself, perfectly content to just be enveloped by the bustle of people.

Somewhere a soft guitar strummed a melody and Dani hummed along to the unfamiliar tune, her voice lost in the echo of the town square. She casually strolled along the cobblestone road, letting her eyes roam free for the first time since arriving in Panama City, Panama. No fiancé, no father, no man was around for whom she had to pretend to be a damsel, quiet and controlled, powerless.

The city was vibrant, people busying themselves with errands, traveling theater convoys setting camp to play for a few nights and then disappear, there were even children playing freely with stone-made dice or playing cards. Their laughs echoed throughout the sparse crowd, making Dani giggle when she noticed a little boy throwing his cards down in defeat.

Dani strolled along towards an alley where the guitar’s melody gently bounced from the walls, making its presence known to Dani. She had not intended to follow the music, but now she found herself almost rounding the corner to step in the alley, intending to thank the soul that was playing the tranquil tune amidst the market’s chaos.

Yet, a hand around her wrist stopped her, tiny fingers not meant to hold such a vice grip, stopping Dani effectively from walking any further. Dani turned around and smiled at the young girl in front of her who couldn’t be older than 10. She didn’t seem to be from Panama City, like herself. The girl wore her chestnut hair up in a braid and the sun shone bright on her olive skin. The faintest hint of a sunburn adorning her cheeks and nose.

“You mustn’t,” the girl said desperately, eyes pleading.

Dani stood frozen in place, collecting her thoughts of the fact that this little girl was speaking English, but the accent was wholly unfamiliar. Dani hadn’t met a lot of people during her life in Bristol, Tennessee, but during their trip from her birth town to Panama City, she had come across quite some people. Accents and vocabularies as diverting as the people’s stories she had met along her trip down south. Yet, she had never heard this accent.

“I mustn’t what?” Dani asked, only now realizing the girl was still firmly holding onto her wrist.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Miss,” the girl said, all desperation and fear instantly gone in the blink of an eye. Truly, Dani was quite startled by the instant change in demeanor.

“I must have misjudged you for someone else, please excuse me,” the girl was already turning around, when Dani found her voice again.

“Oh, erm, girl? Are you alright?” the fear in the girl’s eyes not yet forgotten by Dani.

The girl smiled warmly, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m perfectly splendid,” and with that the girl disappeared through the crowd. Dani watched the spot the girl had just been in, feeling an eerie chill ride up her spine.

Perhaps it hadn’t been fear, it was there only a second, so maybe Dani had misjudged the emotion in the girl’s eyes. Children tend to feel and show emotions more extreme than adults, Dani knew from her teachings. It is a perfectly plausible explanation for the odd encounter. The eerie feeling didn’t leave Dani alone, though.

A man whistling nearby has Dani breaking from her trance and the market’s chaos comes crashing back into her periphery. The sounds wash over her and she has to take a deep breath, steadying the sudden nervousness that riddles her.

Her eyes scan the street and then turn towards the alley. With the encounter and the commotion of the market, she hadn’t even noticed the guitar strumming had ceased. There was no music, no tranquility amidst the chaos and Dani’s heart clenched slightly. Still, she turned around the corner into the alley and found it was barely 10 feet wide. Some crates were scattered at the side, opened and emptied long ago. There was no sign of a living soul, no sign of someone who had been playing music 15 minutes ago. The street was deserted, left touched and bare, but it didn’t offer anything except some shade against the harsh sun.

At least, that’s what Dani thought. A long-since deserted alley, she must have misjudged the distance of the guitar strumming. Notes could easily bounce against walls and seem near, while actually being far. Right when she meant to turn around to go up to the main street, a shimmer caught her eye. It was small, only lit up by one ray of sunlight hitting it perfectly as if to call Dani over. And so she did, slowly stepping up to the glinting object, wedged between two stones. It didn’t take any effort to free the object and then she held it in the palm of her hand.

The thing seemed to be made from bone, shaped in a triangular way and thin as paper. Dani stroked the object which was smooth against her touch. She turned it over and the thing was almost perfectly symmetrical, the other side being just as smooth. One thing stood out, though. The turned-over side had two letters engraved in the middle.

J.T.

Dani examined the piece a few more times, turning it this way and that, but she could not for the life of her figure out what it was meant for. However, a bone-made object was extraordinary so she let it slip inside her skirt pocket. It would be something she would ask her father about later.

Wandering back to the main road, Dani spotted the little girl some stands over talking to a boy around 10 years old. He had a pale complexion, enhanced by his dark brown hair. They seemed in a little query, as the little girl’s face was turning red and her jaw was set strongly. The boy was speaking animatedly, his hands slicing through the air to punctuate his words.

Dani had an urge to walk over, break whatever little argument they were having, but she decided against it. Their mom would probably be near and she wasn’t one to mingle in other people’s lives. She started in the other direction, intending to go home, but her teacher’s heart had to glance over one last time. And when she did, her heart rate shot up. The two children had been staring at her, even though she was quite far down the street. When their gazes met they quickly averted it, running off towards the other end of the street and disappearing down an alley.

The eerie chill from before was now an iron fist, clenching her chest together and making Dani forget how to properly breathe.

A few town’s people bustled by, and when a rather harsh shove made Dani stumble, she pushed the feeling aside. Wholly intending to forget about the whole ordeal, she nearly ran back to their temporary home.

She didn’t realize she was panting until she reached the oak door of their little cabin, promptly falling through and being met by none other than Edmund.

“Hey! Hey, you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost in the mirror?” He steadies her around her waist, two firm hands holding on to her.

Dani looks back at the closed door and quickly tries to settle her nervous breathing.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine. Just had a weird run-in, that’s all.” Edmund still holds her waist and he promptly draws her near, almost chest to chest. Her arms move to his biceps, trying to maintain some distance as her breathing is still shallow and constricted.

“I think I still have to get used to a busy market like this.” She tries a smile, and it works. Edmund buys into it and diverts the conversation, not at all interested in her encounters of the day.

“Today will be my last night with you,” He muses and Dani internally throws up.

They had been engaged for all but four months when they decided to travel across the country for a promising trek. Her father had asked, no, demanded for them to join him in his quest. He’d be thrilled to have them as company, along his own crew, for the infamous Darien expedition, a jungle covered route to cross to the South. Dani wasn’t well informed, but she knew Edmund was to leave, with a little crew of his own, tomorrow. They’d be the scouts, scanning the laid out route before Dani, her father and his crew. If anything smelled bad (though, Dani thinks, that would surely be a possibility in an untouched jungle) they would stake out and wait for them to catch up. If things truly seemed outrageously dangerous they would follow the route back up and inevitably run into her father, to inform him on the matter and discuss further possibilities. Thus, weeks ago, they had promptly left Tennessee to find success down south through the jungle of the Darien Gap.

“I am aware and that’s why I have to start on dinner. My father’s crew will join us tonight to discuss the route and the details,” Dani tried to wriggle away from her soon-to-be-husband, but he held onto her and stumbled along towards the kitchen.

They made it all but 3 feet before he was pinning her against the wall of the kitchen, kissing up her jaw. “I’m aware, but I’m more interested in your…details,” He husked when his lips were near her ear. Dani‘s skin crawled under his wandering hands and she steadied her hands on his shoulders. She wanted to push him away, but he took it as a hint to grind into her.

She pushed harder against his shoulder. “Edmund, my father will be home soon with the guests, I can’t right now.” Dani tried to punctuate her words by turning them around and taking a step back.

He pouted for a moment, but then recovered. “Alright, tonight it is then,” a smug smile on his face. Dani gave a weak smile and walked deeper into the kitchen area. She quickly busied herself with the supplies she had picked up at the marketplace.

About half an hour later, her work was nearly done and she set up the table in the dining area. When she put down the last pieces of cutlery, she heard the front door open and voices echoing through the hall. The kitchen was right next to the hall and an open door granted access from the hall towards the dining area (which was used more often as a gathering place).

Her father, Mr. Clayton, walked in first and gave her a quick hello. Then, two tall men entered the room and they looked like true vikings with their long red beards and bushy eyebrows.

“These fine men are Richard and Marco Osbourne! The two scouts that will accompany Edmund,” Her father informed and Dani smiled warmly at the two colossal men, who gave a smile back that didn’t reach their eyes. They kind of walked around her after and sat down heavily on the chairs that creaked under their weight.

Then two other men entered the room, chatting away with each other. “Ah, Henry Wingrave and Peter Quint, the two men that will accompany our little caravan.” Dani’s father clapped the shoulders of the two guys and they both smiled. Henry seemed her father’s age, but his eyes were glinting with something that made Dani smile even brighter. The other guy, Peter, seemed more closed off. His smile was polite, but his eyes shone with something darker that Dani couldn’t place. The three men started talking to each other about their days and Dani turned towards two others who had just entered.

“Hannah Grose, and this is Owen Sharma. We’ll be joining the second group to our knowledge,” the woman had put a hand on the man’s shoulder and they both smiled warmly. They were truly the first two people with whom Dani felt an instant comfort. The woman had fair, dark brown skin, and to Dani’s surprise not a single hair on her head. It didn’t take anything away from her ethereal beauty, however. She was wearing a comfortable looking dress, dark red linen that seemed to be from the marketplace (Dani had spotted clothes alike).

The man to Hannah’s right was handsome in a conventional way. His glasses on his face made him look academic and his mustache was one of a kind. Dani thought they both looked stunning in their own way. The trio started chatting about their roles, how Owen would be the cook, Hannah the maid, and Dani merely Lieutenant Clayton’s daughter. The couple had sported shocked looks when they learned Dani was the daughter of Mr. Clayton, but they both had quickly wiped that emotion away. Dani agreed, it was fairly odd for a father to take his daughter on an expedition, but Dani wasn’t opposed in the slightest and thus she hadn’t asked for the reason for her inclusion.

A huff behind the couple made the three of them turn in the direction of the open door, where now a woman was leaning against the doorpost.

“Ah, Jamie, how delightful you’re joining us,” Hannah said and there was amusement in her eyes.

“Seriously? Would never pass up an opportunity for free dinner,” the woman quipped in an accent unknown to Dani, a sultry sound. To think of it, Dani hadn’t recognized Hannah and Owen’s accents as well. She made a mental note to ask about it later, now would not be the time.

The woman stood there, sporting trousers and a loose brown blouse, her hair in loose curls around her face. Her gaze was on Hannah, who laughed softly and stepped aside for the woman to join. Dani had never seen a woman without a dress or skirt and it was a strange sight.

She hadn’t realized she was staring until the sultry voice spoke up again. “Like what you see?”

Dani’s eyes shot to the piercing green ones of the voice, heat warming her cheeks. “I…no, I…I have just never seen a woman in pants, that’s all,” Dani struggled. The woman chuckled softly.

“‘Well, better get used to it. You won’t conquer the jungle in those,” the woman pointed between Hannah and Dani’s dresses. Next, she put her hand out for Dani to take, “Jamie,”

Dani accepted the offered hand, which felt more rough than she anticipated. Mostly women’s hands were soft, untouched by hard labor, but this woman’s hands were different, almost callused. “Dani Clayton, you’re a part of the second group as well?”

“Sure am,” the woman provided, though, it wasn’t a lot of information. Dani and Jamie eyed each other for a moment, both scanning the other for an unknown reason and then Owen chimed in from the side. Dani had nearly forgotten they were in a room full of people.

“Jamie here will provide me with the cooking material. A true botanist, this one.” that explained the rough palm of Jamie, Dani thought. The woman worked her hands in soil all day. “Plants, animals, bugs, she’s the one to gather all my supplies along the trek.” Owen explained and Dani scrunched up her face at the mention of bugs for food. An amused expression crossed Jamie’s face, but before Dani could remark on it they were interrupted.

A clapping from behind them drew the little group’s attention and they all turned towards Lieutenant Clayton. “We will discuss everything in great detail later tonight, but I wanted to thank you for joining me on this expedition. It will be a historical trek.” Her father’s voice bellowed, pride shining bright in his eyes. He went on for a bit longer about the journey and what it would mean and then ended with, “I’m sure we will all be thrilled when we reach the other side,” His eyes landed on Jamie and an unfamiliar emotion shot through his eyes. Dani looked towards Jamie, who held her father’s stare with a steely gaze, but it only lasted for a moment and then he broke it. Jamie continued to stare almost angrily for a bit longer, but then moved to a chair. All the people still standing also went to sit down and Dani headed over to the kitchen, followed by Hannah.

“Hannah, you don’t have to work yet. Enjoy! Go sit and chat, I’ve got it all under control.” Dani said when she noticed the woman picking up pots with a towel.

“Oh nonsense, I’m perfectly fine helping you serve. There are a lot of stomachs to be filled tonight,” the woman replied, already walking across the kitchen towards the dining area. Dani laughed to herself and followed her lead, bringing out food and drinks to all guests.

When all was situated on the table, Dani sat herself between Edmund (who had joined them a little later due to packing preparations) and Jamie, the botanist. Next to her were Hannah and then Owen and Richard, and on the other side were the rest of the men, with Peter directly in front of Dani.

During dinner, conversation flowed easily between the men, but Dani couldn’t shake a certain feeling that there seemed to be distance between the men and Owen, Hannah and Jamie. They were more silent, observing the other’s mostly, and only responded when directly asked a question. Jamie was the most silent of the trio, her gaze mostly cast down or scanning the room.

Edmund, Henry (who sat directly in front of Edmund) and Peter were speaking animatedly with each other. Tales of their home towns and boyish escapades when they were younger. Dani only heard snippets of the stories and concluded that it wasn’t worth listening to. Her eyes had caught Peter’s a few times, and the dark behind his chipperness was still present, faintly, but surely there. It made a shiver run up her spine and at the third time their gazes crossed, she averted her gaze to her left, where Jamie was literally plowing through her meat.

Dani snorted and Jamie momentarily looked up from her food. Her green eyes shone brightly and upon closer inspection, Dani thought she noticed the faintest hint of gold speckles. But Jamie’s eyes didn’t linger long enough to pinpoint the exact color. “Somethin’ funny?” she said, trying to cut her meat, but failing miserably.

“Kind of, the way you are eating feels like you haven’t eaten in days. You’re barely using the utensils,” Dani commented and Jamie shot her another look. There were definitely gold speckles.

Jamie attempted to cut from another angle, sitting up straighter and cutting almost in a deft way. “This better for ya? I’m just savoring it while it’s still hot, who knows when or if we will get to taste such a fine piece of steak again.” Jamie said absentmindedly.

“If? How do you mean ‘if’? Surely we will eat well during the trek. My father said there is plenty in the jungle.” Dani retorted, feeling almost smug. She didn’t know why, but she felt like she had to up her game with this woman. It nearly felt like competing, but for what? Dani wasn’t sure.

Jamie only snorted and shook her head. “It’s good to know you believe everything your father says.”

Dani stopped her hand mid-air, her fork floating in the air. “Excuse me?” Dani asked rather harshly, even though she had heard Jamie perfectly well.

Jamie sighed and put her own utensils down. “Look, not trying to pierce your lil’ bubble, but we’re going into the jungle. A lot of people have tried and failed to cross. And don’t get me started on the humidity….”

“Jamie.” A stern voice suddenly piped up. It was Hannah, who was giving Jamie a disapproving look. “Sure you are aware we are not to dwell on if’s and maybe’s.”

Jamie only hummed and continued to pick up where she left off, which was miserably trying to cut through her meat.

Dani turned towards her own food, but her appetite had left her. In all the hustle she hadn’t even properly informed herself. Her father had only told her about the length (approximately 2 months), company (the crew that was currently sitting at the dinner table with her) and organization (two weeks in Panama City to prepare and gather all supplies) of the journey. Never in her mind had she doubted her safety, but hearing Jamie it all kind of came crashing down on how little she actually knew about the jungle. Sure, she knew it could get hot and the atmosphere was known to be clammy. But people before them had tried and failed? Why would her father try to defy the odds?

However, Jamie was also sitting next to her so she should be confident enough to know her way around a jungle. This knowledge, of Jamie knowing the dangers but also still willingly joining, made Dani feel a tad bit safer. Albeit, not much.

Halfway through her meal, Edmund had put a hand on her thigh on top of her skirt and now he was slowly, but deliberately inching his hand inwards. Dani tried to focus on dinner, not wanting to draw attention from Edmund, or the guests. But Dani could hardly focus on conversations with the constricting feeling in her chest, so she cast her eyes down towards her plate, hoping Edmund would not cross a boundary amidst the guests.

His brawny fingers squeezed her thigh, pulling her leg a bit more towards him, probably with the intention to tease. But all Dani wanted to do was squeeze her legs together, removing his hand. She felt his fingers start to move again, softly stroking her inner thigh over the fabric of her clothes. For once, she was happy for the overly long dress skirts.

“You doin’ alright there?” a voice to Dani’s left suddenly cut through her thoughts. The sultry voice had barely spoken all evening, and had even been quiet for the last half hour. Not that Dani was keeping track.

“Mhm, perfect,” Dani squeaked, sitting up straighter and almost hurting herself with how quickly she closed her legs. Edmund’s gaze went over to her when she’d moved her legs, catching on to the fact that Dani was now in conversation. Deeming it fine to let her be for a bit, he withdrew his hand to grab his drink. That was something Dani was grateful for, as most men don’t care about showing their…affection for their wives or mistresses amidst people, but Edmund was quite private about his intimacy with Dani.

Jamie’s eyes quickly flicked from Dani to Edmund’s reappearing hand, and an amused glint settled in her eyes. “Perfect you say? Care to elaborate on that? As you’re saying goodbye to your husband tomorrow and all.” Jamie’s hands clasped together, the steak in front of her all but forgotten.

“He’s not. My husband, I mean, he isn’t…we aren’t married, yet,” Dani retorted, thrown off on why exactly she felt the need to elaborate on that piece of information. Jamie smiled amusedly at her stuttering, patiently waiting for Dani to figure out her words.

“Well, your not-husband then, won’t you miss him?” Jamie asked. Dani felt her cheeks grow hot, not wanting to admit to a soul that she felt shamefully relieved at the thought of Edmund being gone from her side for longer than a day.

She cast her eyes down, then back up. “I will, but it’s only for a bit,” she gave Jamie a smile, who grinned back at her. “And you? Do you have a husband, or not-husband, you’ll miss?”

Jamie barked out a laugh, which was lost in the laughter of the men around them. She leaned in and Dani did the same, feeling like she was going to be told a secret. “I don’t do husbands, got my hands full already with these two,” she nodded to her left, where Owen and Hannah were whispering to each other.

“Besides, we travel all the time, Owen and Hannah just got lucky finding each other before we crossed the ocean,” Jamie said and she leaned back in her seat, picking up her utensils to attack her meal again.

Dani mulled over the words for a bit, puzzled. “But don’t you want what they have?” Dani asked, glancing at the couple behind Jamie. Their affection for each other was palpable, and Dani was almost jealous that she didn’t have that with Edmund. Sure, she could put on an act, but she was certain she had never looked at Edmund the same way as Hannah was looking at Owen right now. A lazy smile on the woman’s lips and a hand on his arm, while he was talking about something that Dani couldn’t hear over the noise of the other voices.

Jamie followed her line of sight and smiled. “Yeah it’s pretty perfect what they’ve got goin’ on, who knows, maybe someday I’ll find that myself.” She shook her head, still smiling and went back to eating. Dani followed suit and soon all the food was gone, and people were getting tipsy on the wine.

Dani could see it clearly in her father, his eyes were getting hazy and his voice was louder than before. Edmund was slurring slightly, struggling to form sentences without a stutter. Hannah and Owen seemed a bit more wrapped up in each other and Owen was cracking jokes. The Osbourne brothers seemed to hold their liquor well, but their distant attitude had faded a bit. Henry seemed fine, casually leaning back in his chair with his hands clasped over his belly. Peter seemed a bit more turned inwards, observing the people around him with glassy eyes. Even Jamie seemed to have been enjoying the wine, as she was more talkative with the others.

Dani herself felt a lazy smile appear on her face when one of Owen’s jokes made Jamie throw her head back with laughter. She hadn’t heard the joke, but if he got Jamie laughing like that it must have been a good one, the woman seemed determined to keep that smug smile on her lips at all times.

Suddenly, her father’s voice interjected the independent conversations and all eyes settled on him. “I know most of us are not to leave for another week, but I just want to celebrate tonight and honor the brave men that will ride out tomorrow.” He raised his glass. “To the Darien Gap!” and all voices echoed his cheer, followed by the sounds of glasses clinking together.

Conversations piped up almost instantly and Dani had a bit of a drunken haze, not catching on to the amount of different voices.

“Dani! We’ll be going to the mid-week market the day after tomorrow, will you join us?” Owen shouted over the noise of the others, bending over Jamie who had to lean back in her chair. “We’re going to find some clothes and we could use an extra pair of pants,” He chuckled to himself and Dani and Jamie exchanged an amused look.

“I would like that very much, as I won’t conquer the jungle in skirts,” Dani pointed towards her clothes, and Jamie’s eyes raked over her body, which sent heat to Dani’s cheeks again. Jamie stared back into Dani’s eyes after and there was something in her eyes that made Dani’s skin buzz.

Owen leaned back in his seat again, granting Jamie her own space, and smiled at Dani. “We stay in town, we’ll meet at the pub at 8am sharp!” and with that, he turned towards Hannah again, who gave Dani a warm smile.

When everyone was getting thoroughly tipsy, they agreed to all call it a night, as the scout group would be leaving just after sunrise. The men started patting each other on the back, with the exception of Owen, who was standing with Hannah and Jamie. The Osbourne twins swiftly bid their goodbyes and sauntered out the front door. Peter and Dani’s father were still amicably talking, when Henry went over to her.

“Dani, I must apologize for not having had a conversation with you. But I think we will have a generous amount of time next week,” if any other unacquainted man (besides Owen, maybe) had said something alike, Dani would have felt uncomfortable. But the warm smile and caring eyes made her feel safe. It didn’t seem he was working on an agenda of his own, merely a man who’s being social with his soon-to-be colleagues.

“I suppose so,” Dani said, smiling her warmest smile of the evening. He tipped his head and moved past her.

Peter followed behind, not batting an eye at Dani at all, which for some reason was enraging her. She watched his receding form through the door until he disappeared out of view, the door closing behind him. Yet still she couldn’t shake her suspicion of him.

“If you keep staring like that, you might actually burn a hole through the door,” Jamie’s hoarse, slightly intoxicated, voice piped up from next to her.

Dani huffed out a soft laugh, shaking her head as if to literally shake the uneasiness away. She turned her head towards Jamie, whose hands were deep in her pockets and her curious eyes were trained on her.

“You don’t like him either?” she asked knowingly.

“That obvious, ha?” Dani admitted, bumping into Jamie slightly. Jamie chuckled softly, dipping her head towards the floor.

Dani looked over Jamie’s shoulder towards her father, who was in a hushed conversation with Owen and Hannah. They seemed on edge, whispering and huddling together. Hannah was the one most distant, keeping her space to herself, while Owen nearly whispered in her father’s ear. Dani wrinkled her brow in confusion at the scene.

“You are quite distrusting, aren’t ya?” Jamie said and Dani’s eyes flew towards the woman in front of her, slightly feeling like she had been caught doing something bad. Jamie had said it with a smile, but her eyes seemed to convey something else, like she was testing Dani.

“What? No, I… it’s just…” Dani stumbled over her words. For a moment she collected her thoughts, debating whether to tell Jamie a white lie or the truth. “I just feel like my father is purposefully leaving me out of the loop,” she quietly admitted, truthfully, her eyes trained on a little spot on the wooden floor.

Jamie nodded thoughtfully, seemingly letting her off the hook for now, which appeased Dani more than she expected.

Suddenly Hannah and Owen stepped up next to Jamie, smiling timidly. “We’ll see you Wednesday, Dani! Bring enough bags, because we will need a whole new wardrobe,” Owen said, pointing at Dani’s dress.

They all bid each other goodbye and went their separate ways. Dani’s father immediately went upstairs to his bedroom, and would probably be asleep within minutes. Dani cleaned the dinner table, getting the last of the glasses and empty wine bottles. Edmund lingered in the open door, observing Dani while she emptied the bottles in the sink. When she started to prepare for cleaning dishes, Edmund was suddenly in her way.

“Just let it be, that can be done in the morning,” He said, taking the pot and matches from Dani’s hands. He put the things down on the counter and grabbed her hands in his.

“Let’s just go to bed, hm?” He said, leaning in to plant a kiss on her cheek. Dani let herself be enveloped, his arms moving around her waist. He kissed her cheek again and then went for her lips, roughly connecting them. The alcohol had made him clumsy, as was very apparent in the kiss. A few times, when he tried to deepen the kiss, their teeth connected in a not-so-sexy way and Dani pulled back after the third time it happened.

“I think you’ll have to go to bed, Edmund, you’ll be leaving early in the morning,” Dani tried, her hands still by her side, constricted by Edmund’s arms around her like a snake strangling its prey.

“Will you join me?” Edmund slurred, struggling. His mouth moved in again, but Dani wiggled free before he could attempt to kiss her.

“I will, Edmund, after I finish up here,” Dani tried, hopeful he would be asleep when she climbed into bed beside him.

Edmund pouted, but relented. “Alright, I’ll see you in a bit then, I love you,” and with that he walked through the open door towards the stairs.

Dani leaned against the counter, focusing on the sounds from upstairs. When she was sure Edmund had probably fallen into bed, as the faint stumbling sounds seized, she started on the dishes.

Earlier, Hannah had proposed to help her with the dishes, but Dani had been abamnant in waving her off, and for some reason Hannah had obliged instantly, a knowing look in her eyes that made Dani wonder if the woman practiced witchcraft (and no, Dani didn’t believe in such a thing).

She put the last things away and blew out the last of the candles while heading upstairs and was surprised when a little glimmer came from under the closed door of Edmund and her assigned bedroom. She took a deep breath, steadying her nerves and softly creaked open the door.

The room was basked in soft candle light, illuminating the room from the bedside table where the candle stood. Edmund was sitting on his bed, leaning against the headboard with his back, his legs tangled in the sheets. His head had lolled to the side and his eyes were closed, soft snores spilling from his lips. Dani’s bed was opposite his in the room, as they only had managed to get two separate bedrooms. Her father didn’t mind as long as the room had two bedrooms.

Dani carefully maneuvered around the door, intending to close it soundlessly. But the door had a nasty creak and the sound tore through the room. Dani stood frozen in place watching Edmund, who woke up and smiled at her. His eyes were sleepy, but the little nap had taken away some of his alcohol induced haze.

“Hi,” Edmund murmured softly, rubbing his eyes. His glasses were neatly folded atop the dresser on the left, the glass illuminated by the candle light.

Dani gave him a weak smile and a “Hey,” while closing the door all the way and leaning against the wooden frame. It remained silent for a bit, awkward tension growing between them.

“Come here,” Edmund softly spoke up after the silence had been nearly deafening. Dani’s heart rate spiked up, her hands getting clammy. She took a steadying breath and pushed off of the door. Edmund reached his hand out for hers when she was close enough and they stayed like that for a second. Him sitting on the bed, legs splayed out along the covers and Dani standing beside the bed, holding each other’s hand.

–

Dani woke up with a start, grabbing at her throat and chest, patting down to see if her dream had been real. Not much did she remember, just the faintest hint of someone slowly crushing her windpipe to the point that she couldn’t fill her lungs with oxygen, suffocating and burning.

She sat up straighter in the bed, Edmund laying opposite her on his stomach. His upper body exposed, sheets tangled around his legs and waist. The memory of what happened last night when Edmund had blown out the candle, came flooding back in. The suffocating feeling instantly present again, but this time it wasn’t from her dream. She didn’t mind his kissing, as she could tune out, she could depart from the moment and hide somewhere in her mind. But when he wanted to embrace her or stroke her back with his hand, she was acutely aware of every part that he was touching.

Dani pulled the sheets off of her and got up, padding along the floor and slipping out through the door. It was dark in the hallway, no window or candle burning, so she carefully tiptoed towards the stairs, feeling with her hand for the banister. When she located it, she swiftly moved downstairs and headed through the dining area towards the kitchen. She had intended to grab a glass of water, but when she entered through the open door, moon light lighting up the area, she saw the silhouette of her father. His back was turned towards Dani, and he was looking out the kitchen window at the moon. His bushy mustache and short hair were shining proudly in the moonlight and Dani coughed a little to make her presence known.

Her father turned his head slightly, smiled, and looked back out the window. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Dani went up next to him and gazed out the window. She couldn’t see far, but just enough to see the town’s outline, some lights still on where bars were located. But mostly it was dark, trees everywhere that, together with the nearly-full moon, cast a fairy-tale-like glow to fall over Panama City.

“It really is,” Dani murmured, glancing over to her father, who had a contemplative look on his face.

“What did you think of the crew?” Her father asked, still watching the city. His eyes were glowing a light shade of blue, almost icy. People had said she looked like her mother, but that her eyes were definitely her father’s. She had politely thanked them, but silently never agreed. His eyes were distant, blue as ice, while she considered her own more like a lake. Blue with a hint of green, naturey.

“I liked them, though I didn’t get a chance to speak with all of them yet. But I’m guessing we’ll have time when we leave next week.” Dani answered truthfully, leaving out the fact that Peter Quint terrified her.

Her father smiled and turned to Dani, regarding her with a pleased expression. “I’m sure you’ll get acquainted with them all.”

“Oh, and I’ll be going into town with Owen, Hannah and Jamie to get clothes. Trousers, blouses, that sort of thing,” she smiled at her father but his eyes were suddenly cold, distant. His smile didn’t leave his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes anymore.

“That’s good Dani, pick some up for me as well,” his tone of voice was void of emotion, he has created distance. “I’ll be heading up now, and I advise you to do the same,” Lieutenant Clayton said in a stern voice. It was the same voice he had used months ago when he had informed Dani and Edmund they’d be joining him in the expedition. A favor, a request, a demand.

He was already moving past Dani towards the dining area when Dani found her voice again. “Is it going to be dangerous?” she asked, not facing her father.

She heard his footsteps still, lingering, a sigh and then, “If Edmund does his job, and we follow the route accordingly, all will be fine,” But Dani had heard the hesitation, had heard the slightly uncertain tone, and knew that she wasn’t as thrilled to conquer the jungle anymore.
The next morning flew by, Edmund packing the last of his stuff, the Osbourne twins arriving at their house, Dani’s father clapping the men on their back and telling them “They would meet soon for a pint” and “We will be hot on your heels”. For Dani it all went by in a blur, Edmund consistently telling her that they would “be together soon” and that he “loved her more than anything”. Dani only smiled up at him, kissing him on the cheek.

Finally, they left through the door, her father and the Osbourne twins going out first to grant the couple a moment alone. Which Edmund took full advantage of, as he was now pinning Dani against the wall, kissing her feverishly. Dani let it happen, still in a haze and not really paying attention to it all. Eventually he let go, kissing her one last time before heading out the door. Dani lingered in the opening, not wanting to go out, and just waved at the three men as they entered a horse carriage. Edmund climbed in last, waved at Dani one last time and disappeared inside. Her father shouted something through the carriage’s door and then closed it triumphantly, slapping it two times to indicate for the driver to head off.

She didn’t linger in the door, nor did she wait outside to watch the carriage leave. She headed inside and started to clean the table, where all of them had had breakfast. Her father entered a little later.

“Was it too hard for you to watch Edmund leave? You almost ran inside when he entered the carriage,” he stated, looking at her weirdly. Dani knew that her father believed her to be a damsel, all men around her did. She couldn’t blame them, she never really had done much out of the ordinary. No rebelling, no talking back, just always silently obeying. So the question didn’t upset her, it merely solidified Dani’s belief that her father really did not know her that well.

But how could he, as he was the one who had set her up with Edmund, a man she could never love. It was the first time she had heard his lieutenant's voice used on her.

“Dani, you are putting this family to shame. You have reached and surpassed the age of maturity and are still unwedded!” Her father bellowed during dinner. Her mother was silently eating her meal, her eyes cast down, but Dani could feel the fear in her mother. Her father had never shouted at Dani when he scolded her. Always remained stoic, his voice barely a whisper. But now he was downright screaming at Dani, telling her how disappointed he was and that she would not be happy if she didn’t marry soon.

“I know you have had suitors, perfectly fine men that would have taken your hand, but you keep pushing them away. What are you waiting for?” the volume of his voice was lower, but the menace was there. Eerily present in the voice that used to sing her to sleep or tell her bedtime stories when she was 8 years old.

Dani did not want to respond. What was she going to say? That she truly felt uncomfortable with all men that had entered her life? That she had never felt feelings for a man, let alone love. The only one that had ever caused her to feel something was her childhood friend Alice when they were 17. Alice had found her husband, her true love, and was telling Dani all about it. How he would hold her at night, tell her he loved her in the dark, and hold her hand during walks. All Dani could imagine was herself holding Alice’s hand, telling her sweet nothingness in the dark. It had been a silly crush when she thought back on it, but it had been significant nonetheless.

But Dani had never voiced it, in fear of being cast out by her family and the Bristol people. She could never ever act on her feelings, so she had pushed them down. Buried them deep in a treasure chest, and sunken it to the bottom of a lake in her mind. She had been doing well with keeping up pretenses, but her father was right. She had reached an age where finding a husband was only going to be more difficult, and people were already talking about the Lieutenant's daughter. Calling her strange, possibly sick in the head to still be without a husband, some even had thought she was cursed.

“I met a man. An honorable man, with an education and career. I want you to meet him.” it wasn’t a question. It was a command, something like “sit” or “bark” used for training dogs, controlling them and getting rid of their “misbehaviours”.

Dani had zoned out, drowning out her father’s voice as he was going on and on about her having to meet Edward? Edman? She hadn’t caught his name.

“I will meet him.” She suddenly interjected, cutting her father off. His eyes turned from disappointed anger to delight, pride shining faintly as his daughter was finally being intelligent.

And now here she was, having heard the lieutenant's voice more often in the last 6 months than in her whole life.

“I will miss Edmund, but we won’t be separated for long. It‘s only two months,” Dani said matter-of-factly. Her father looked at her with an unidentifiable expression on his face and then left without another word. A week, that’s how long she would be confined in this house with only her father. It was a whole different feeling than when she was around Edmund, who she had some control over. But Dani was left in the dark about her father recently, it seemed like he had changed into a whole different person since they left Bristol.

The next day started as a challenge already. Her father had treated himself to a heavy amount of liquor the day before, celebrating the start of the expedition as Edmund and the Osbourne twins had officially left. Dani had actually enjoyed the evening, casually sipping on the leftover wine. He was talkative about how he had met her mother (she knew about this story already, but it seemed the kind of story that would come up during drunken conversations), his first expeditions and about Dani when she was younger.

But now, the day after, he was hungover, sleepy and agitated, constantly ordering Dani around the house, barking orders about this and that. Dani could handle it until a certain point. Agreed, she feared her father. But she knew when he was just being a petty man, and right now, that was exactly what he was.

“Father! I have cleaned everything up, please, try to read or plan the expedition,” Dani eventually huffed out after the third time he had asked her to clean the kitchen counter.

He mumbled something indecipherable and got out of the kitchen to sit in a chair, newspaper in hand. Dani threw the rag in the sink, sighing deeply. She was going to go out, the house felt crowded and full of negatively charged energy.

She pulled on her flats, threw a quick goodbye to her father who only grunted and walked out the door towards town.

She had stayed out nearly all afternoon, just aimlessly walking around town to check out bars. Most people were already home, preparing dinner, or working. So she found herself mostly by herself along the streets. Still, she kept to the main roads, not daring to wander into another alley as she had heard gruesome stories about women who had strayed.

When she got home that evening, intending to get started on dinner, she was met with amazing smelling food. She quickly entered the kitchen through the hallway and was met with her father stirring something in a pot.

“Father? What are you doing?” Dani tentatively asked, not sure what mood he was now in.

He turned around, a small smile on his lips and waved her over. “Come, smell! It’s pork’s stew,” he exclaimed excitedly and Dani coyly walked over to get a sniff, even though she had smelled it from outside already.

“It smells delicious father, but you didn’t have to,” Dani awkwardly said. She knew her father was aware of basic cooking, he had to during his expeditions. And thus, occasionally he would surprise Dani and her mother with a simple, yet delicious dish. But that only happened when he was already in a good mood, right now, to Dani at least, it felt wrong, suspicious.

“Ah nonsense, I was being an arse today. The least I can do to repay you for my foul mood is cook some dinner,” He turned down the stove, got some plates and went through the door to set the dinner table. Two plates, two cups, two sets of utensils, an eerie confirmation that Edmund had truly left them.

Dinner was pleasantly quiet and Dani thanked the gods that the first day had gone relatively well. She could forget about the rude morning, for her father was being the perfect gentleman right now. Sleep came easily and soundlessly that evening, no nightmares haunting her, startling her awake.

Wednesday arrived quickly, and soon Dani found herself waiting in front of the pub where she was supposed to be meeting with Owen, Hannah and Jamie. The town was already buzzing with people in the early morning, scrambling to find the freshest of fruits and vegetables. It wasn’t as busy as the first time she was here, though, probably because it was just a midweek market and not the Sunday market where “justice was served” with hangings and very public verdicts.

At some point she thought she saw the braided hair of a familiar girl. But as soon as she saw it, it disappeared in the crowd. Dani felt the same uneasiness in her chest from when she met the girl days ago, having caught herself thinking about the encounter more often than she had expected.

“Don’t scrunch up your face like that or you’ll get wrinkles,” a voice piped up from the side. Dani jerked her head towards the source of the voice and was met with green and gold speckled eyes. Jamie was smiling mischievously and soon Owen and Hannah got into view as well.

Owen was wearing dark trousers, a white blouse and a vest on top. Hannah, on his left, was wearing a navy blue dress, loosely fitting and covering her from the neck up all the way down to her ankles. It had some hints of gold and she was royally mesmerizing. Jamie was wearing trousers again, camel colored, a white blouse and the same kind of vest as Owen on top. But Jamie had undone her top buttons, which Dani scolded herself for noticing.

“Eggscuse me?” Owen said, a hint of a smile on his lips, “but we’ve bean looking for you!” he exclaimed, proud to have slid in two food-related jokes. Next to Dani, Jamie whined at his ridiculousness and Dani laughed at the two. Hannah merely smiled amusedly and gave Dani an eyeroll.

They chatted for a bit and then strolled towards the first row of stands. Jamie’s curls were pulled back messily but she still looked fairly pretty. Her exposed jawline is sharp, but not in a masculine way like Owen’s. Hers is feminine, pretty, almost delicately strong.

“Alright, so how are you holding up with your husband gone?” Owen casually asked and before Dani could answer she was interrupted by Jamie.

“Not her husband,” she said, looking down at the ground while they all walked side by side. Dani was taken aback for a second but recovered quickly, trained by trauma from the Bristol people, to defend herself and not be the “crazy, husbandless, woman”.

“Well not yet, but he will be,” Dani said defensively and Jamie shot her a look, questioning her defensive attitude. “I’m doing fine, though, thank you for asking,” offering a smile in Owen’s direction.

Hannah and Owen shared a look and Dani felt like it was a hidden message about her. A sudden fear gripped her and she desperately wanted to change the subject.

“So, Hannah I’ve only ever seen you in dresses, will you wear trousers during the trek?” Dani asked.

Hannah chuckled softly. “Oh dear, I will, miserably and utterly dismayed, but I will,” she stopped at a stand nearby, picking up different fruits to inspect them for their ripeness. Owen caught up with her and together they talked about the signs of a ripe melon.

Dani observed the two, while Jamie glanced around the marketplace, whistling a soft tune. She had her hands in her pockets and some curls had gotten loose, framing her face.

“So…you miss him?” Jamie suddenly asked and Dani tore her eyes away from her, feeling she had been caught staring even though Jamie had her eyes still trained on the crowd.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Dani asked, keeping track of her voice this time. She didn’t want to sound too eagerly defensive, again.

Jamie grinned and looked Dani straight in the eyes. “You know, counter-questions are a sign of lying,” she said and it took Dani a second to realize what she was implying. But instead of fighting or drawing more attention to her relationship with Edmund, she switched the subject.

“Oh, you’re an alienist as well?” Dani joked and it caused a genuine smile to appear on Jamie’s lips. “So many talents I have yet to find out about you,” Dani added and internally smacked herself when the words had left her lips. She silently prayed that Jamie wouldn’t notice the innuendo, but the smug smile on her lips made Dani’s heart rate pick up.

But before either one could add something to it, Owen interjected. “Alright, we have got a lot of ground to cover, so Hannah and I thought it’d be wise to split up into… pears!” he laughed at his own joke again and Hannah playfully slapped him on the shoulder.

“Fine, Dani and I will go to the east side, you both to the west, and we will meet you in the middle again,” Jamie stated and Owen blinked a few times. Then he nodded and without further hesitation Jamie started off apparently towards the east side. Dani gave a quick wave and goodbye to Owen and Hannah and hurried after Jamie.

“Keep up, America, we have to find some clothes that fit you,” Jamie exclaimed from in front of her, turning around and walking backwards a bit.

“America? Seriously? Is that the best you could come up with?” Dani asked when she caught up with the brunette. They fell in step together and started to slow their pace, deciding on a leisurely stroll.

“Don’t know ya, yet, do I? I’ll come up with something better,” She answered.

“You said you, Owen and Hannah crossed the ocean to get here? Where were you from before?” Dani had wondered about their accents since she’d met them, not being able to pinpoint the location, especially since Jamie’s accent differs a lot from Owen and Hannah’s, yet they seemed almost like a family.

Jamie remained quiet for a long moment to the point Dani thought she wouldn’t actually answer her anymore.

But then, “England,” she softly admitted. Dani didn’t know much, but she knew that England and America weren’t friends at the moment. Yet, it didn’t seem like Jamie, nor her father, cared for their nations being in a clinch.

“Oh, that must’ve been quite the trip. To leave everything behind and cross an ocean?” Dani inquired, hoping Jamie would indulge her a bit further.

“Yeah, it was quite adventurous, encountered sharks and everything,” Jamie answered smugly, glancing at Dani.

Dani only huffed out a laugh. “Were you a botanist back there as well?”

“Mostly,” Jamie replied vaguely.

“There’s a stand with clothes over there, lets see if there are some that fit you,” and with that the slight glimpse Dani was getting into Jamie’s life was gone, the door closed.

They entered the stand, which was quite large upon closer inspection. It had two rows of tables with a path in the middle, a cotton sheet atop to block out the sun and all kinds of clothes folded and scattered around. Blouses hanging from the top of the structure, trousers folded and color-coded, it was all quite overwhelming to Dani. She looked towards a section with dark trousers and felt the fabrics, wool and cotton, beneath her fingertips.

“I’d advise you to pick light colored trousers, it will be less hot,” Jamie pointed towards the other end of the table, where folded trousers in white, pine and birch were displayed. They moved over there and rummaged through some of them.

“Heylo ladies, looking for your husbands’ clothes?” A short, sturdy man asked them from the other side of the table. His hair had thinned over the years, and the faintest hint of gray hairs was showing.

“Nope, for ourselves, lad,” Jamie said, her accent thick, clearly annoyed at the assumption.

“Oh, how peculiar, well, I have all sizes,” and he animatedly waved around the space. “How about you both pick three each and pay two? I’m always happy to make a deal with two beautiful women,” he winked and Dani internally threw up.

“Bugger off, mate, we’re not looking for making deals. We’ll pay fair and square, no strings attached,” Jamie said defensively and for a moment Dani thought the man was going to throw them out. But he merely laughed at them and nodded.

“Suit yourselves, I’ll be around to write you up on your purchases,” The short man walked away, leaving Dani alone with a fuming Jamie.

“Jeez, why are all men this awful in America?” She asked rhetorically and Dani had to bite her cheek not to laugh. She was used to men throwing around flirty comments, but most of the time they were harmless. At least, in Dani’s experience.

They quickly picked out some trousers and blouses that Jamie thought would suit Dani, paid and left. They had gotten what they came for, so didn’t bother walking farther to the east side of the market. Instead, they slowly strolled along the side of the market towards the middle.

Jamie was whistling, hands in her pockets, while Dani was carrying their clothes in her bag, when suddenly two familiar faces appeared. The girl with the braided hair walked up to them, eyes trained on Jamie, while the boy with dark hair and pale skin was running up behind her.

“Flora stop! She isn’t…” he let his words die out in his mouth, quickly shutting his mouth when Flora noticed Dani there as well.

“Oh, hi, we meet again,” the girl, Flora apparently, said uneasily. Her eyes flicked from Dani to Jamie and couldn’t seem to land on either of them. Dani gave her a small smile, but Flora didn’t reciprocate it.

The boy walked up next to Flora and put a hand on her shoulder, softly pulling her away. “We’re terribly sorry, we didn’t mean to be a bother,” he smiled politely as he said it, ducking his head slightly. Dani flicked her eyes over towards Jamie who had her gaze trained on the children, the green eyes suddenly a shade Dani hadn’t seen before. Dark, icy, angry? Dani couldn’t figure it out.

“Your name is Flora?” Dani asked, bending down a little.

The girl shot a look to Dani’s right, in Jamie’s direction. She then slowly nodded, once.

“Well, don't worry Flora, you aren’t bothe…” but Dani couldn’t finish her sentence.

“You two, go on, bugger off,” Jamie said with a steely voice, waving the children off.
They both looked slightly hurt and astonished, but quickly wiped those emotions away and scrambled away.

“Wow, not a fan of children?” Dani asked rather harshly after the children had disappeared in the crowd. The children truly hadn’t been bothering them, had just stumbled upon them. Why did Jamie act this way?

“I’ve had my fair share of annoying people for the day,” Jamie responded instantly, giving Dani a look and she was momentarily taken aback by the comment. She hadn’t thought Jamie was annoyed by her presence, but they did get into not one, but two weird encounters during their stroll along the market. But that surely wasn’t Dani’s fault. Dani had even considered their walking around as civil, nearly amicable. But, to Dani at least, their little bond was now fractured.

Dani had been a teacher in Bristol, children had always had a special place in her heart. They were pure and innocent and non-judgemental. Keen on learning stuff without the oppressive mindset that society molds adults into. Without reason, being cruel to a child, let alone two, could only be done by someone apathetic.

So, Dani decided that Jamie was the one with an attitude problem.

They started walking again, the faintest hint of distance between them, and an awkward silence around them. Eventually, they reached the middle of the marketplace and spotted Owen and Hannah a few stands away. They waved at the girls and started walking towards them, arms filled with bags of vegetables and other eccentric foods.

The sun was shining high up in the sky, and Dani swore she could already see the faintest hint of a sunburn on her arms. It must be around noon right now, and Dani dreaded going home.