Chapter Text
You want a guy that's sweet
A guy that's tough
A feminist who likes to pay for stuff
The kind of guy that gets along with your friends without being attracted to any of them
A good boy, a bad boy
A good bad boy
A half good, half bad, half boy
Loves your brother
Sensitive but not weak
And is a great lover, calls your mother on the weekend
-"Lower Your Expectations" by Bo Burnham
How you came to be the chosen physician of Thor, God of Thunder, was frankly an accident.
You weren’t actually supposed to be on shift today, but someone called in sick, so you decided to concede and do a half shift at the clinic. You worked with mostly non-emergency cases, so broken bones, cuts, scrapes, those sorts of injuries. The clinic took in patients for the ten-mile radius on the port city resting on coast of Norway. You’d worked here for five years since it was a beautiful country with lots to offer and it was easy to hop across different European countries for conferences and medical research opportunities. The field of extraterrestrial medicine had only just broken ground in recent years and you were eager to learn all you could by assisting with the care of the Asgardians that had taken refuge in New Asgard.
You’d already had your purse on your shoulder and were walking out when the King of Asgard himself had walked into the lobby with one of his Asgardian colleagues. The God of Thunder briefly explained the man’s ailments to the front desk and one of the nurse practitioners. The man appeared to have a painful slash wound on his right bicep and another on his calf muscle, so they checked him in as an expedited case and took him to a room for care.
The god had been just about to leave when you stopped him. “Your majesty?”
Thor turned to you, and it was like being directly hit with a ray of sunshine.
First off, he was so much taller than you’d thought. A towering stature. Second off, he was so broad-shouldered and stacked with muscles and yet it didn’t make him look like a lumbering giant. You could tell from how streamlined he was that he was an agile man as well. Third off, his single eye was bluer than the sky and his smile lit the entire lobby up. It was the kind of smile that made you want to smile even though you were overworked. An absolute killer smile. Fourth off, his voice was rich as caramel, made all the more melodious by the baritone and the accent. The man was more than a snack—he was a fucking five-star four course meal.
Too bad you were about to rain on his sunny parade.
“Yes, milady?” He then glanced at your lab coat. “Oh, excuse, milady doctor, that is.”
You pointed to the nasty cut running from the outside of his shoulder nearly to his elbow. “Aren’t you going to have someone take care of that?”
Thor glanced at the wound, as if he’d forgotten about it. “This? No, it’ll heal on its own.”
You frowned at him. “Thor, how long did it take you to get from where you were to here?”
“Ah, about twenty, thirty minutes, why?”
“That is plenty of time for bacteria to have gotten into it and caused an infection,” you said sternly.
“No offense, but I don’t really get those on Midgard. My immune system usually takes care of it.”
You then glanced down at his dirt-and-ash caked hands. “Were you off-planet?”
“Yes, milady doctor.”
“Right, so what about alien bacteria and viruses?”
“Uh.” He gave you a sheepish look. “I don’t recall that I’ve been sick before, but we did just slay quite the mammoth beast on Alfheim.”
“Exactly. You’re coming with me, your highness.”
“I’m sure it’s fine—” You stopped him with a glare. He sighed and gestured for the hallway. “After you.”
You hung your purse up behind the counter and pointed to the exam room on your right. “There. Wash off the dirt and blood in the sink. I’ll be there in a second.”
“Yes ma’am.”
You grabbed a pair of gloves and swept your shoulder length twists back into a ponytail to keep them out of your face. It took you several seconds of straightening yourself in the mirror before you realized you cared about your appearance because Thor was fucking handsome as all hell and you didn’t want to look unattractive around him. You glared at yourself for being so egotistical. As if he would in any way be interested in a physician for a girlfriend. Get real.
You marched into the exam room and shut the door, telling him your name as you grabbed the nearest kit for stab wounds. He’d sat on the stretcher, but he still towered over you anyway, but you could reach his arm okay for now. He wore an armored chest plate and trousers and boots, all of which looked quite effective, but he must have gotten ambushed and hadn’t summoned the full chain mail armor this time.
“I’m gonna clean this wound and then just give you a quick physical exam. Is that alright with you?”
“Depends. Never had a physical before. What does it entail?”
“I’d check your ears, eyes, throat, and nose. Then I’d check your heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing and make sure you don’t have abdominal bleeding or any sort of internal injuries. It won’t take more than about fifteen minutes.”
“I suppose I hadn’t considered any internal damage,” he admitted. “Yes, that would be alright with me.”
“Good. It might sting some when I apply the disinfectant on the wound, just so you know.”
He chuckled. “I have a high pain threshold. It should be fine.”
True to his word, he didn’t so much as flinch as you cleaned the wound thoroughly, applied a bandage, and then wrapped it with gauze so it would stay in place.
“Alright, your majesty, if you would,” you said as you stood up, gesturing to his chest plate.
“Hmm?”
“Sorry, I guess I skipped that part. I need you to strip down for the physical.”
His golden brows lifted. “Ah, do I need to be naked or…?”
“No, you can leave the trousers on, that’s fine, unless you want a prostate exam.”
To your absolute shock, Thor blushed. “I would rather not have one, no.”
You blinked at him, surprised he knew what it was, and then frowned in thought. “Actually, that’s something I’ve never thought about before. You’re like a thousand years old. When would you even be considered the age where you’d need that checked out?”
He laughed as he unhooked the upper parts of his armor. “Probably not until I was in the neighborhood of four or five thousand years old. And my anatomy is parallel to humans, but in general, our aging process isn’t exactly the same. No offense, but I prefer it not to be done by beautiful women for obvious reasons.”
You snorted. “Oh, come now, Thor, I’m a doctor. Do you know how many erections I’ve seen in my time? The number is staggeringly high.”
He grinned as he sat the chest plate to one side. “I bet it is.”
You scowled at him. “Hey, hey. No twisting my words, your majesty.”
“As you wish, milady doctor.”
You stifled a chuckle as you grabbed your stethoscope and rubbed the cup against your forearm so it would warm up a little. “They never mentioned you were a smartass.”
“Your staff talks about me?”
“Of course they do; you’re a god. So are the other Asgardians.” You picked a spot on his mighty barrel chest and placed the stethoscope cup on his left pectoral. Goodness gracious, his chest was gorgeous. Absolutely sculpted to perfection. And distracting as hell. You fought to stay professional. “Take a deep breath for me, your highness.”
He did. You moved it to the other pectoral. “One more time.”
He breathed in and out. “Good.”
You grabbed the cart for the blood pressure monitor and wheeled it over. Good thing the sleeve was adjustable—his biceps were enormous compared to your usual patients. “So this is going to inflate and get kind of tight on you so I can read your blood pressure, but to be honest, you’re not from Earth and so this is just so I can learn what kind of blood pressure Asgardians have for my research.”
“Oh?” he asked, seeming delighted. “You conduct research about my people?”
“Some, yes. Obviously, the data is being studied by people all over the world, but I’m documenting as much as I can here in the clinic.”
“Well, I am happy to answer any questions you might have.”
You blinked at him as the blood pressure machine finished up. “Really?”
“Of course. Research is vital to allowing one to expand their mind and educate others.”
You took the sleeve off of his bicep, still stunned. “Sure, but you’re the King of Asgard. You don’t mind taking time out for that?”
“Not at all. Midgard has been very good to me and my people, after all.”
Wow. He was that handsome and he valued education and knowledge? Thor was straight up dangerous.
“Thank you,” you said, smiling a bit. “It’s noble of you to offer.”
“You’re too kind, milady doctor. It’s my honor.”
You checked his ears, eyes, nose, and throat and saw no anomalies. The next part would be tricky. “Last thing is a quick chest exam. This is to make sure you don’t have broken ribs or internal bruising.”
“As long as you don’t laugh at me. I’m a bit ticklish.”
You grinned before you could help it. “I’ll try to resist the urge.”
You started at his lower abdomen, just above the trousers, which gave you a look and feel of those washboard abs that had your brain howling like crazy with lust. How much did he work out? Or was he just built this way due to genetics and magic? You swept your hands higher to his sides, where you noted some light bruising and made a note to check his back as well. Thor’s breathing gave him away; he was trying not to giggle from being ticklish when you reached the spot under his arms. How cute.
When you reached his pectorals and just under his collarbone, you had to control your breathing. You’d had attractive patients before, but Thor tested your professional resolve in a way you’d never experienced before. Being close to him was…intoxicating. It would be so easy to lean in those last few inches and kiss his Adam’s apple…
You snapped out of the thought and went around behind him, checking his shoulder blades and the rest of his back. Not much better—he had a wide back just as packed with powerful muscles as his front. Not to mention his ass. Nice and taut and round…
“All done,” you said, pulling away and hoping he couldn’t hear the squeak in your voice. You snapped off your gloves and tossed them in the trash, turning away and praying the ice-cold AC in the exam room would cool your burning cheeks. Thank God for your brown skin. He wouldn’t be able to tell you’d gotten hot and bothered during the last part of the exam.
“Thank you. I appreciate your help.” He got dressed.
“You’re welcome.” You held out some Neosporin. “Keep putting this on the wound until it heals completely, just in case.”
Thor smiled widely as he took it. “Worried for my safety, are we?”
“You may be a god, but you still bleed,” you sniffed as you opened the door. “And you can’t come back and help me with my research if you’re laid up because you got some weird alien infection.”
He chuckled. “Right you are, milady doctor. I promise to take care of myself as instructed.”
You walked down the hallway with him. You passed Rosa, one of the nurses, and she blinked at you. “Oh, I thought you left already.”
“Had to clean up a cut for this troublemaker,” you said. “I’m headed out now.”
“Oh dear,” Thor said, distraught. “Did I keep you?”
You took off your lab coat and retrieved your purse. “It’s fine, don’t worry. Happens all the time when you’re a doctor.”
He followed you into the parking lot. “Can I make it up to you?”
You hid a smile. Handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, and now sweet. Cupid was a bitch ass ho. “It’s not necessary, your highness. Just doing my job.”
Thor opened the car door for you. “Please. There must be something I can do.”
“Oh, alright,” you sighed, grabbing a business card from your purse. “I want to have a look at your skin after the cut heals. I have a paper on Asgardian regeneration that I’m working on and it’d be a big help to have a subject to study. Call my office and schedule an appointment once it’s healed. Good enough?”
Thor accepted the card. “Good enough, milady doctor. Drive safely and thank you again.”
You chuckled finally, offering you hand. “It was nice meeting you, milord.”
He took it and surprised you by kissing the back of your hand instead of shaking it. God above, was he adorable. You loved a gentleman, truth be told. “The feeling is mutual. Good evening, krúttið mitt.”
You climbed inside your car and he shut the door for you. You waved again and then pulled out of the parking lot. You tried desperately to wipe the dopey grin off your lips but it was stuck like chewing gum. After you got home and undressed, you grabbed your Icelandic to English translation book.
krúttið mitt – (noun) sweetie, cutie
“Literally goddamn it,” you groaned as you flung yourself on the bed with the book pressed to your chest over your fluttering heart. It was definitely too late.
You were one hundred percent crushing on your patient, Thor Odinson.