Archive of Our Own

I.

It was just a usual morning for the two boys, not until Jay woke up with Sunghoon on the side of his bed, kneeling, and whispering “I love you” to him. Jay wasn’t even sure if he’s awake already or he’s just having one of his many other dreams with Sunghoon in it—don’t even ask why he’s having a dream about Sunghoon, he already had enough of Sunoo and Jungwon on his both ends saying he’s too in love with his best friend for 5 years—and that alone already gave him a week worth of headache. 

Jay opened his eyes, and much to his dismay Sunghoon is no way near his side. Definitely just a dream.

“Good morning” Sunghoon says, eyes not even looking at Jay and is focused on putting on his hoodie. 

Jay sat up, arms reaching out at his pillow next to him and hugging it, the smell of fresh laundry invading his nose. Jay can’t help but frown, ‘why does his pillow smell like Sunghoon?’ He doesn't remember Sunghoon sleeping on his bed last night though. 

His thoughts wander to places to the point that he didn’t notice Sunghoon sitting on the edge of his bed. “Stop zoning out and get ready for school already, don’t you have class in an hour?”

Jay sighed, the scent of Sunghoon’s perfume started to get strong now that Sunghoon’s near him. 

“Yeah yeah whatever, don’t you have class like right now?” Jay looked at the mini clock placed on the side table next to his bed and then back at Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon just shrugged and started to pack Jay’s backpack, “Do you need your nursing kit today?” He says, picking up the nursing kit under Jay’s study table, and starts arranging it. “You’re almost out of syringes and cotton balls, should I drop by at the pharmacy later?”

Jay can’t help but stare at Sunghoon who’s focused on arranging his stuff. The little things Sunghoon does always makes Jay’s stomach feel like butterflies are swarming in it. “Yes I need the nursing kit today, we have another return demonstration but you don’t have to drop by at the pharmacy later, I might buy other stuff as well so I’ll just add it on my list.”

“Okay, I’ll pick you up at school later.” Sunghoon says, picking up both Jay’s bag and nursing kit on his arm before walking towards the door, “Get ready quick or else you’ll be late” he turned his head towards Jay’s direction and gave him a pointed look.

Jay gets ready, almost falling asleep in the shower with warm water pouring on his head, and if it isn’t for Sunghoon’s loud knocks on his door he’ll probably spend more time in the shower. After he showers, he gets dressed with his scrubs—a mandatory uniform for nursing students at his school, and takes his time styling his hair—knowing his professors are very strict regarding their course’s decorum.

Jay went out of his room and saw Sunghoon sitting on the couch looking at his phone and an arm over the couch’s headrest, fingers drumming on the leather material. 

“Hoon, let’s go.” Jay says once he reached the couch in their living room. His hand reached towards his bag and nursing kit not until Sunghoon slugged Jay’s bag over his shoulder and his left arm carrying Jay’s nursing kit. 

It wasn't an unusual scene— the current situation almost happens everyday, Sunghoon carrying his things, buying stuff for him, driving him to school—how many times has Sunghoon ditched his first class just so he could drive Jay—Jay gave up on counting. 

But there’s something different today that Jay can’t pinpoint. Maybe because this time Jay’s feelings are already involved.

II.

“Park Sunghoon I swear to God if you keep waking me up out of nowhere I will whack your head.” Jay says while glaring towards Sunghoon who’s lying on his side. It’s currently 10:15PM and they decided to have a movie night in Jay's room, but Jay keeps falling asleep through the movie and the little devil Sunghoon wasn’t tired enough so he decided to keep bothering Jay who’s only trying to get as much sleep as he can. 

Sunghoon turned his body sidewards facing Jay who’s hugging Sunghoon’s pillow, eyes lidded and nose buried on his pillow—clearly Jay would fall asleep anytime now. 

“Jay-ah, you’re the one who wanted to watch” he whispers, hand carding through Jay’s soft locks—tucking the stray hairs behind his ear. 

Ignoring the voices that can be heard on Sunghoon’s laptop Jay hummed and continued to bury his face on the pillow. Jay looks ethereal, Sunghoon thinks. Watching how Jay’s mouth is a bit parted, soft exhales leaving the sleeping man’s lips—clearly tired from 9 hours of hospital duty he had today—Sunghoon’s finger can’t help but softly touch Jay’s lips—from the corner of his mouth to the middle, his forefinger softly tapping the line on Jay’s lower lip—a unique feature of Jay that Sunghoon thinks is very endearing. 

Sunghoon caught himself smiling ear to ear when he caught his reflection on Jay’s mirror, situated next to the cabinet behind Jay. He stopped touching Jay’s lips and continued to softly pat Jay’s hair which had Jay burying his face more on the pillow.

As much as Sunghoon wants to continue watching, and even though he knew Jay is a heavy sleeper he can’t help but be worried that Jay might wake up if he continue to play the movie—and yes, even though he keep bothering Jay earlier, which then resulted to grunts and a kick on his leg, he still worries Jay might get a headache from lack of sleep. 

Sunghoon closed his laptop, placed it in the drawer next to the bed, and fixed the blanket just below Jay’s chin—just like how Jay likes it, being all covered up when sleeping. Sunghoon is still staring at Jay, and thoughts of cuddling and placing Jay’s head on his chest keeps running in his mind. Jay wouldn’t even budge if he did that, and it’s not like they haven’t cuddled before, but just thinking about doing it without Jay’s consent or awareness had Sunghoon’s urges controlled.

So he settled with this: He holds Jay’s hand that is placed on the top of the pillow and turns it, so Jay’s palm is showing. Next thing he knew he left a kiss on it before placing it back at the top of the pillow. “I love you” he whispers, before shutting his eyes and letting the calmness and warmth of Jay’s presence engulf him into slumber.

III. 

Sunghoon and Jay were supposedly studying at the library but currently Jay is dozing off between the thick books he brought from his locker, and the countless random papers Sunghoon ripped from his notebook—due to the fact that he’s very picky with how his notes look. 

Sunghoon let out a loud sigh, earning a countless stares from the other students that are also either studying at the library or just using the computer or the free internet connection, nonetheless, the only sound you can hear inside the library is the sound that comes out of the big aircons and sounds of other students fingers typing on their laptops. 

Sunghoon whispered a sorry, some students shaked their heads in disapproving way—probably annoyed how Sunghoon’s sigh disturbed them—and some gives him a sympathetic look before they mind their own businesses—clearly those students who gave him a sympathetic look understands how it is to be a college student and in the middle of final week—overloaded with countless of requirements that needed to be passed and the lectures that they still have to study for the upcoming exams.

Before Sunghoon could go back to whatever he was doing with his notes, he took a glance at Jay and he’s not even surprised that the man is currently sleeping. Sunghoon let out a soft chuckle, hushed enough that the other students won’t have to turn their heads in his direction to give him a warning glance. He prompts his elbow on the table and his palm on his chin, staring at Jay who’s now scrunching his nose as Sunghoon blows air in his direction. 

He smiled, and thought, ‘How can someone look this good without much effort? ' Sunghoon could only ponder. 

He taps Jay's nose, before he lets his palm rest on the side of Jay’s left cheek, his thumb caressing Jay’s cheekbones urging him to wake up, “Jay-ah, don’t you have to study?” He whispered. 

Jay opens his eyes, and Sunghoon removes his hand on Jay's cheeks when Jay straightens his back—he already missed the warmth that blooms on Jay’s cheeks, and the urge to cradle Jay’s face in his hands had him scratching his palm.

Jay looked around before looking down at his watch, “Don’t you have class soon?” 

Sunghoon shaked his head, slender fingers carefully fixing Jay’s shirt when it fell off his shoulders while stretching his arms, “There's an emergency so our professor decided to have an asynchronous class for today.”

Jay nodded and stared at his stuff on the table: his laptop open but nothing is shown at the screen—clearly because it hasn’t been used for a while—pile of thick nursing books on the other side of his laptop while an open notebook for his notes on the other, uncapped pens, highlighters scattered around, fuck I hope they can still be use Jay thinks knowing how his pens don’t work when it’s not capped properly, so much for being hundred pesos worth.

Sunghoon’s question stuck in his mind while he stared at the mess in front of him. Yes, he still needs to study, he’s not even halfway done on his lectures but thinking about it just makes him more sleepy—wanting to just ditch every backlogs he has and sleep it off. 

Jay thinks it’s not even a bad idea to sleep it off, not like he has classes today and it’s still early in the morning, and Sunghoon doesn’t have any other classes aside from the class he mentioned earlier—he still have time to study and complete his deadlines for the day once they go home, and Sunghoon won’t even mind that they’ll stay here a bit longer. Jay thought about asking Sunghoon to go home and just study at their place but he know Sunghoon well, and the thought of going home will eventually leads to Sunghoon just playing FIFA and inviting Ni-ki or maybe Heeseung, and will eventually results to Sunghoon drinking a litre of iced coffee and having an all-nighter, and that alone makes Jay disregard the idea. 

Sunghoon tapped Jay’s thigh, making Jay turn his head towards Sunghoon, “Just sleep Jay-ah, I’ll continue studying and will wake you up later for lunch, yeah?” 

Jay can’t help but smile, eyes crinkling into crescents as he grinned at Sunghoon, and Sunghoon can’t help but ruffle Jay’s hair before fixing it after. His hand stayed at Jay’s top of the head a bit long, before letting it rest on Jay’s cheeks, which had Jay leaning in from the gentle touch. 

So fucking pretty, Sunghoon thinks, his eyes bore into Jay’s face—he can never get enough of Jay even though they see each other everyday, and before he does something that would make his cheeks tint red, such as pulling Jay close to him, or leaning towards Jay’s soft locks and burying his face on it—wanting to smell the vanilla scent that Jay uses in the shower, that he so loves, he switch to pinching Jay’s cheeks hard enough that has Jay hand gripping Sunghoon’s wrist. 

“Park Sunghoon,” Jay warned, giving Sunghoon a glare, hand still clasped on Sunghoon’s wrist tugging it away from his cheeks. 

“Yes, Park Jongseong?” Sunghoon cheekily says, smiling so wide his canine can be visibly shown, while his right hand is still pinching Jay’s cheeks and his left elbow is settled on their table. 

Jay didn’t say anything and just let Sunghoon do whatever he wants—it’s not like this doesn’t happened a lot of time—Sunghoon teasing and bothering Jay whenever he wants, he’s used to it, and Jay knew that’s how Sunghoon does when he wants Jay’s attention. So he’s giving it to him before he falls back to sleep. 

“Are you done now?” Jay says, when Sunghoon stopped pinching his cheeks and settled to rubbing it with his thumb. He saw how Sunghoon nodded without looking at it, and he saw how Sunghoon’s ears started to bloom red, and he couldn't help but leave a chuckle. “Can I sleep now?”

It’s not like Jay doesn’t want to spend time with Sunghoon, now that they have at least a bit of break, but Nursing, fuck Nursing , it took a toll on him, from return demonstrations, case studies, and to hospital duties, and now all he wants is to just sleep. They’re already on their finals, just a bit more and he and Sunghoon would be able to spend more time with each other without all the deadlines on their backs—so they both have to settle with subtle touches, and lingering gazes when they’re together—they both knew their priorities, and their priority right now is to focus on themselves, pass this semester, and get as much sleep as they can.

“Go ahead, I still need to finish this essay for my asynchronous class” Sunghoon sighed before ruffling Jay’s hair. 

Jay yawned and started zipping his jacket and putting the hood on his head, and then criss-crossing his arms before he placed his head above it on the table. “Wake me up after you’re done with that so we could eat lunch already.” 

Sunghoon hums a ‘yes’, looking at Jay who’s already comfortable on his seat, the hood of his jacket almost covering his face—when he notices the frown disappearing from Jay’s forehead, Sunghoon knows Jay’s probably asleep by now.

Sunghoon can’t blame how Jay sleeps all the time, no matter how much he wanted to study with Jay—asking each other’s questions despite being in different courses—the heavy workloads of Jay’s course and the alarming amount of piled thick books Jay brings all the time and the countless of syringes injected to him—Sunghoon knew when to and when not to ask Jay to spend time with him. 

Sunghoon isn’t even complaining even if this is what usually happens when they’re together, he’s already content with the presence of Jay beside him. 

That being said, he leaned down, his left hand holding on at the back of Jay’s chair to balance him, his face close to Jay’s before placing a soft kiss on Jay’s forehead which is being covered by his hoodie, “I love you”

Sunghoon smiled, and continued working on his worksheets.

IV.

It was already past midnight when Sunghoon heard the door on their flat open—the sound of keys jingling can be heard seeing how Sunghoon left the room on his door open, making sure he’ll hear the sound of Jay coming back to their shared flat. 

Sunghoon despite the tiredness creeping up his nerves he forced his body out of his room to welcome Jay home. Wearing only sweatpants that hang low on his hips, and fuzzy socks, Sunghoon went out of his room. 

He saw Jay sitting on the couch, uniform scrunched up, two buttons on it opened, and his bag and nursing kit sprawled on the ground, just beside his foot. 

Sunghoon can’t help but stop mid-tracks and just stare at Jay’s tired figure. He wanted to scold Jay—he was supposed to be home after his class but due to a group case presentation, he went straight to his group mates apartment to finish school work, and seeing how Jay is only coming back, they probably just finished working on it—Sunghoon’s anger dissipates when he heard the tired groan that left Jay’s lips. 

Jay is currently sitting with his eyes closed, his arms hugging his legs while his head at the top of his knee. Silent sniffles can be heard in Jay's direction, and Sunghoon’s heart tugged at the sound. Carefully, he sat down next to Jay and wrapped his arms around him, engulfing him with a warm, gentle hug. 

“Jay-ah,” Sunghoon whispers, Jay doesn’t move nor stops crying. Both of them are silent. Just the sound of cars passing by outside their building, the soft snores of Gaeul, Sunghoon’s dog, and the silent sobs of Jay can be heard inside the flat. 

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before Jay started to calm down and move a bit. Sunghoon didn’t let go of Jay though, instead he tightened his hold on the latter and pulled him closer, all thoughts disappearing in his mind and all he can think of is to give Jay all the comfort he needs. 

“Jay-ah, what do you need, hmm? Tell me,” Sunghoon whispers, voice trembling seeing how vulnerable Jay currently is—Jay is a strong headed man, even though he’s already having a hard time, he won’t let it get to him, maybe because he’s a nursing student, and he don’t have time for a breakdown, and seeing how Jay cried, he figures Jay’s really having a hard time as of the moment. 

“Jay, please tell me what you need,” Sunghoon whispered, to be honest, Sunghoon doesn’t really know what to do whenever Jay cries—for the past 5 years that they’ve been friends, he can count on his fingers the times he saw Jay cried, and for the past 5 years, Jay was the one who comforted him whenever he cries. It’s always the other way around. So Sunghoon can’t help but be helpless, he feels like he can’t do something for Jay now that he needs him most. 

“Nothing, really. I just want to rest.” Jay whispered, looking up at a crying Sunghoon, and Jay can’t help but chuckle. “Hoon, I'm the one who’s supposed to be crying right now, not you.” Jay said while carding his fingers on Sunghoon’s hair, trying to calm him down.

Sunghoon shuffled closer, burying his face on Jay’s shoulder and sniffing a bit, “I don’t like seeing you crying,” He mumbled, cheeks now resting on Jay’s shoulder as he tried to look at Jay’s eyes.

“Jay-ah, do you want to talk about it? I’ll listen to your worries,” Sunghoon says when he calmed down, fixing his posture but not letting go of Jay. He is now sitting cross-legged beside Jay while his hands are still holding Jay’s hands.

Jay shaked his head, “I don’t really want to talk, let’s just stay like this for a while and rest.” Jay let the silence engulfed them once again, just content with Sunghoon beside him, and not saying anything—he prefers this the most, especially when he don’t have the energy to talk his worries out, they  both knew that time will come soon, just not now that he’s physically drained with all the school stuff.

But despite it, Jay can still see the worries outlining on Sunghoon’s forehead in a frown, “Hoon, stop thinking too much, I got this okay? I’m just tired from all the school work plus the examination starts tomorrow, that’s why I was crying earlier.”

Sunghoon’s frown still doesn’t disappear from his forehead, and Jay decided to use his fingers to straighten it away, “I’m fine now, and you know how I get double stressed when the examination starts.”

“I just don’t like it when you don’t talk about your worries, and you bottle things up.” Sunghoon says, caressing Jay’s face with his slender fingers, trying to urge Jay to at least open up to him about his worries.

“And you think I don’t? Hoon, I also want to talk about my worries to you, because I know you’ll listen, but just thinking about it makes my head hurt and I can’t have that when the exams are already tomorrow.” Jay tries to reason with Sunghoon, he knows if he doesn't Sunghoon will continue to worry about him—not like Sunghoon will stop worrying about him, but for now he needs Sunghoon to stop worrying about him, and start worrying about his exams for tommorow. 

Sunghoon stills at that. Jay has a point, if they talk about it he’s 100 percent sure Jay will have a breakdown and it’s already way past midnight and he can’t have Jay having his head hurt when he takes his exams for tomorrow. And just thinking about Jay having a headache had him standing up. 

“Okay, you need to sleep, like right now.” Sunghoon tried to pull Jay up on the couch and towards Jay’s bedroom. 

Jay can’t help but chuckle at Sunghoon’s behaviour, if all it takes is just him saying he’ll have a headache, he should’ve said it at the start of their conversation. 

“I’ll just take a shower, why don’t you go and sleep first?” Jay was about to pick his stuff off of the floor but Sunghoon beat him to it—picking it up and slugging it on his shoulder, and walking away from Jay towards Jay’s room. 

Sunghoon placed Jay’s bag and nursing kit on their designated place—just under Jay’s study table—and he went to Jay’s bed and made himself comfortable by putting the blanket over him, “I’ll tuck you in” he yawned, clearly tired seeing how it’s already 1 in the morning. 

Jay just nodded, not even surprised by it. He quickly showered and changed into much more comfortable clothes—an oversized hoodie and just booty shorts—if it’s someone else, he would’ve been uncomfortable wearing such short shorts but it’s just Sunghoon so he let himself be comfortable around him. 

Sunghoon saw how tired Jay is while blow drying his hair in front of his full length mirror—the latter is sitting on the floor, cross-legged and Sunghoon’s dog, Gaeul is sitting on his lap—Sunghoon decided to help him. He walked towards Jay, sitting beside him and carefully blow dried Jay’s hair. 

Getting himself comfortable, Sunghoon pulled Jay on his lap—not even surprised Jay let himself be pulled. When Sunghoon’s done with drying Jay’s hair, Jay is already asleep in his arms; head resting on his chest and soft exhales left his lips. 

Sunhoon instead of waking Jay up, just decided to pick him up bridal style; careful not to wake the other. He placed him on his bed, and draped his blanket on him, making sure it’s just below Jay’s chin—just how Jay likes it.

A heavy sigh left Sunghoon’s lips as he stared at sleeping Jay—he’s worried, he’s always been worried at Jay ever since they entered college. Because of their courses' heavy workloads, Sunghoon sometimes doesn't have time to take care of himself, how much more when Jay is studying, at the same time having his hospital duties 4 times a week, plus the return demonstrations. 

Sunghoon, just thinking about it makes his head hurt, he sometimes wonder why Jay took up nursing when he can barely take care of himself—but looking back at the times when Jay took care of him— when he’s sick, the way he ditched his classes just to make sure he’s eating and taking medicine; when Jay left in the middle of his class when Sunghoon called him saying he got into a minor car accident, Jay drove him to wherever places he needed to go to for months; the times when Jay cook him food, peel oranges for him, play him guitar—all the little things Jay did for him makes Sunghoon believe that nursing is something that really suits Jay— he would be a great nurse someday, and Sunghoon is so sure of it. 

Sunghoon was about to leave Jay’s room when he almost forgot something— “I love you.” he says. 

It’s 11:30 AM and Sunghoon is waiting outside Jay’s classroom, waiting for him to finish his last test for today. It’s actually the last day of their final examination and Sunghoon just finished his exams 10 minutes before he arrived at Jay’s classroom. 

Since it’s already their last day at school, (well, if they pass this semester but if not, then goodbye summer vacation) they plan to spend the rest of the day at home—either sleeping or watching movies in their living room with homemade popcorn, a blanket draped over them, but instead of really watching the movie they will instead talk about how they will spend their months off of school. 

So, Sunghoon is patiently waiting for Jay to finish his test, despite his blockmates inviting him to eat together at the Japanese restaurant near their campus—because apparently, watching Jay answering the questions on his test, over this little window at the door is better than eating overpriced sushi. 

15 minutes passed and Jay finally stood up in his chair and fixed his bag before walking up the front of the room and handling his test papers at their proctor—his proctor checking his papers making sure all fields had been answered and dismissing him after. 

Jay greeted Sunghoon with a smile once he saw him looking through the little window of the door—he told him not to wait for him and join his blockmates for lunch but Sunghoon is just too sweet to do that, not letting Jay spend the rest of his day alone after his exams. 

“Hi, how’s your exams?” Sunghoon asks, once Jay closes the door. 

“Hoon, don’t even ask about it.” Jay groaned and leaned his body on Sunghoon, and giving him a look  making Sunghoon chuckled before wrapping his arms around Jay. 

Something stirred in Jay’s stomach—something warm that travels from his chest towards his cheeks. And deep down, Jay is really grateful that Sunghoon decided to stay with him, “I’m glad you’re here though” Jay says, closing his eyes for a bit and heaving a sigh.

“You know you’ll always be my priority Jay-ah,” and never once Sunghoon lied, and Jay knew that— he always knew. 

Both boys decided to go home as planned, and instead of Jay cooking they decided to opt for a drive thru—Sunghoon was too adamant to let Jay cook when he’s tired from his tests. 

The ride back home was not entirely silent even though Sunghoon is the only one talking, he’s used to it, and never once gets offended by it. While Sunghoon talks, Jay listens. But, maybe not this time—when Jay is sound asleep on his seat, and maybe Sunghoon already expected that to happen. 

Instead of being offended that Jay slept on him while he’s talking he can’t help but be endeared, how can he just sleep when the city is so loud, (and him of course) and being inside of the car can barely fade out the sounds?

Sunghoon took a quick glance at Jay and how he’s barely holding the paper bag full of their food properly. So, he turns on the car’s left turn signal before he slowly drives towards the left side of the road so he can fix Jay in a comfortable position, and as well as protecting their lunch—he bet his ass Jay will scold him if the food ends up on the floor, which is probably Jay’s fault (but let’s pretend it’s Sunghoon’s).

He unbuckled his seatbelt, get out of the car and opened the door on Jay’s side before he carefully picked the paper bag out of Jay’s hand and placed it on the back seat, but not without putting a seatbelt on it—again, Jay will scold him if he saw the food not properly protected. And then, he went back to his seat and lowered Jay's seat before placing a blanket on him, don’t even ask why there’s a blanket on his car—Jay got so cold easily he had to bring a blanket whenever Jay’s with him, making sure Jay’s always warm and cosy. 

“I love you” he whispers, then casually puts on his seatbelt and places his hands on the steering wheels. 

Before he drove off of the street, he took a look at Jay’s sleeping figure—frown etched on his forehead, dark under eyes clearly visible, mouth slightly parted, and sound of soft exhales left Jay’s lips. 

Sunghoon can’t even count how many times he caught himself staring at Jay, getting distracted every time—something he does unconsciously. Can you blame him though? When Jay, despite looking so tired, still look oddly calming and comforting in Sunghoon’s mind— and it dawned on him how much he loves Jay and how much of a coward he is for saying it only when Jay is sound asleep—not having the courage to straight up tell him how much he means to him, scared for whatever response he’ll receive. 

1. (+1)

It’s already way past midnight when Jay’s phone started ringing—he usually has it on ‘do not disturb’ every time he’s sleeping but Sunghoon is out partying with his friends, and he don’t want to miss any messages or calls from him in case there’s something he needs, such as picking him up—just like what’s happening right now.

He answers the phone call and heard Jaeyun’s voice along with loud blast of music in the background, “Hello Jay, sorry to bother you this late but can you pick Sunghoon? We’re trying to get him to a grab but this asshole said he won’t go home until you come here.”

Jay already expected this to happen, Sunghoon is a stubborn man but he’s more stubborn when he’s drunk, “Yeah, I’ll come pick him up! Make sure he won’t do anything stupid until I get there!”

Jay hung up the phone after getting a ‘yes’ from Jaeyun, and started to get ready to pick Sunghoon at the club. Once he arrived there, he was welcomed by loud blasts of music, blinding neon lights, and the smell of liquors and cigarettes invaded his senses—something he loathed so badly yet felt so familiar, maybe because this is something that Sunghoon really likes, and everytime Sunghoon comes home after hours of partying, he could always smell the lingering scent of party on him. 

After looking everywhere, he caught Jaeyun and Sunoo waving at him, “Where’s Sunghoon? I told you to keep an eye on him” he says once he arrives at their table, and Sunghoon is nowhere in sight. 

“That stupid boyfriend of yours only listen to you Sho—there he is!” Jaeyun pointed towards the dance floor where Jay saw two familiar faces—Sunghoon and Heeseung having the time of their life right now, two boys probably thought they look great dancing but in reality the two boys looks stupid with how drunk they are—tripping over their feet. 

Before he left, he heard Jungwon say “Sho, can you get Heeseung as well?” Jungwon doesn’t look drunk, and Jay thinks he barely lifts a bottle of liquor on his lips, but Jungwon looks annoyed—probably sulking because his boyfriend, Heeseung, is not giving him the attention he wants. 

Jay nodded and gave Jungwon a smile before walking towards the dance floor. Once he reached them, he tapped Heeseung’s back, “Jungwon’s really upset right now, you should go back and talk to him. I’ll handle Sunghoon. You can go back by yourself right?” At the mention of Jungwon’s name, the look of drunkenness etched in Heeseung’s face was quickly replaced by fear—despite Jungwon’s soft features, he can really be scary at times. 

Heeseung quickly walked towards their table—almost tripping over himself and even bumped into a couple of people at the dance floor, before taking a seat next to Jungwon who’s evident on his face that he’s upset. Jay quickly averted his gaze on the couple, he’s not here for them but for Sunghoon. 

He turned towards Sunghoon, and he thought maybe he hadn't noticed him yet, but to his surprise Sunghoon was literally just standing and staring at him, “Hoon-ah, you okay?” Jay asks as he gets closer to Sunghoon, his arms quickly found Sunghoon’s waist, holding him tight.  

Instead of answering Jay’s question, Sunghoon told Jay to dance with him—Sunghoon placed his hands on Jay’s shoulder blades while Jay tightened his hold on Sunghoon’s waist, pulling him close; close enough to let the tip of noses touch. 

Jay noses Sunghoon’s nose and that got Sunghoon scrunching his nose before letting out a soft giggle. Despite the loud bass of sounds in the club, the countless bodies jumping through the music, adrenaline rush on their veins, two boys look like they’re in a different world—listening to different music as they slow dance, two boys not caring about the weird gazes thrown on their way.

They stayed like that for a while until Jay decided it’s time to bring Sunghoon home, seeing Sunghoon can barely stand on his own, “Hoon, let’s go home?” Sunghoon nods, eyes shut and a frown etched on his eyebrows.

The ride back home was quiet, only the song from The Brummies was playing on the car stereo, soft snores coming from Sunghoon, and sometimes Sunghoon scratching his arms—a little habit of his when he’s asleep—can be heard in the car. This has Jay removing his left hand on the steering wheel  to hold Sunghoon’s own hand, stopping Sunghoon from scattering little red lines on his pale arm. 

Sunghoon opened his eyes slowly, he felt the rough palm of Jay on his cheeks, and once he completely  opened his eyes he saw Jay leaning his side on his seat and looking at him. His head is throbbing, and if it isn’t for Jay’s fingers softly carding through his hair he would’ve already grabbed a fistful of it. 

“Let’s go up so you could rest properly.” Jay says after helping Sunghoon unbuckle his seatbelt, and then going out of the car towards Sunghoon’s side and opening the car door for him—helping Sunghoon to get out of the car and walk towards the lift. 

Once they arrived outside their place, Jay quickly took his keys at the back of his jeans pocket and opened their flat. Almost sighing in relief when the familiar sight and smell of their home invaded his senses—Jay questions how Sunghoon can stand the loud environment when he’s at the bar having fun with his friends.

Jay softly laid down Sunghoon on the couch—removing Sunghoon’s jacket, shoes and socks, and carefully he took Sunghoon’s wallet and phone inside his pants. When he’s about to put the phone at the table, he saw there’s a couple of missed calls and messages from his friends they left at the bar so he decided to open Sunghoon’s phone and replied to their messages, saying their back at home and Sunghoon’s sound asleep, as well as thanking them for taking care of Sunghoon and telling them to have fun and take care. 

It was as if his instincts took over him when Jay softly pick Sunghoon up—thanking his muscles and his patience for visiting the gym every other day, and carefully transfering Sunghoon towards his bedroom, and placing him on the bed.  

Jay walked towards Sunghoon’s wardrobe and picked up pyjamas for him. Jay knew Sunghoon well, and if Sunghoon woke up wearing the same clothes he used to party for sleep, he’ll definitely throw a tantrum early in the morning, and would definitely blame Jay because of it and eventually Jay would say sorry and woo him—even though it’s not his fault. Typical Sunghoon. 

After putting a new set of clothes on Sunghoon with a couple of grunts and groans, Jay was able to get him to lean his back on the bed to make him drink water. A hangover from Sunghoon is not really what Jay wants to wake up with. 

Once Sunghoon is properly laid on the bed, the sleepiness that’s been tempting him earlier is now gone. Replaced now by a want— want to say those three words at Jay —and maybe the alcohol in his system is the only thing that pushed him to do just that. 

“Jay-ah, I love you.” Finally , after countless times of saying it whenever Jay’s asleep he finally said it looking straight at Jay’s eyes. Call him a coward, yes, for saying it only when Jay’s asleep or now that the only thing that pushed him to say that is because of the alcohol—but Sunghoon feels like it’s the right time to say it. Just like they said, ‘drunk mind speaks a sober heart’

Sunghoon has always been the affectionate one—the one who’s more vocal, and the one who usually initiates skinship, but right now, as Jay hold Sunghoon’s face between his palms, a lopsided smirk on his lips, and as he says “I love you too Sunghoon” Sunghoon can’t help but blush, and he doesn’t know if he’s sobering up or getting more drunk as he feels lightheaded by how Jay said it—full with love and certainty—that even if they haven’t talked about it properly, it was enough to wash off the constant fear living in the back of Sunghoon’s mind. 

And maybe, as they woke up the next day under Sunghoon’s blanket, arms around each other, and sunlight peeking through the curtain—they talk about their feelings for each other—just them and the countless ‘I love you’s’ shared between kisses.