Chapter Text
Frank has never been a morning person.
And waking up at four in the morning is literally his least favorite part of being back on tour. That, and saying goodbye to his family now that they had to go back home. So he’s a little grumpy.
‘C’mon –,’Gerard insists when they get to the hotel in Dublin, trying to cheer him up. ‘Let’s go to the pub.’
‘I think I’m just gonna skip it and go to sleep. You can’t even drink, dude!’ Gerard has been more cheerful and energetic lately, and Frank is happy for him, he really is. He loves this new version of Gerard who smiles more and wants to hang out and go out with friends and enjoy everything. Nobody is happier than Frank to see him like this. But Frank is also fucking sore, and getting old by the minute, and he already misses his kids.
‘I’m not drinking, but I just thought I’d hang out with you guys, you know, like in the old days.’ And now Frank feels like an asshole. Because the dude just wants to hang out with them. they hadn’t seen each other in so long, and after the last couple months hanging out and playing music, and he’s happy. So how can Frank deny him of that? They’re supposed to be the best friends in the whole world.
‘Fine,’ he says, faking a sigh. ‘But if I get drunk, you’re carrying me to the hotel.’
‘Deal.’
And he does get drunk, but not that bad that he needs to be carried to the hotel. But Gerard was right. They were having the time of their lives, and laughing their ass off, just like in the old days. And Frank couldn’t help himself. All the time he cried about the band breaking up, and missing his favorite band. And he got his dream come true. He’s happy to be back with these motherfuckers.
‘See you tomorrow, then,’ he says, even though Ray is already gone, and it’s just Gerard standing there. Frank could fucking kiss him, in a completely friendly way, of course. But Frank can’t thank him enough for inviting him to join them twenty years ago, and now, for getting the band together. For being a great friend.
‘Hey –,’ Gerard interrupts his drunk thoughts. ‘I was gonna go out tomorrow morning to get some shit, and I was wondering if you want to come with me?’
‘Did Mikey say no?’
Gerard just smiles, because yes, that’s exactly what happened. ‘He has to take Kristin to the airport.’ Of course. ‘I’ll buy you breakfast.’
‘You know I do it for free, just don’t wake me up too early.’
***
At least, Gerard has the decency to wait until eight to knock on his door. And it only takes Frank fifteen minutes to put on jeans and a hoodie, brush his teeth and do something about his hair. He’s never going to admit it, but that time a fan said something about wanting to talk about his hair on twitter really got to him. So he wants to at least look decent.
‘Ready?’
Gerard hands him a coffee he just got him, and they head out. Frank doesn’t ask any questions, because it’s Gerard. There’s no one he trusts more than him. Maybe they’ll just go grocery shopping, but he knows it’ll be a good time, and Frank needs the distraction.
But no, Gerard just needs a new pair of jeans and some underwear because he doesn’t have time to do laundry before the next show. ‘Remember when you used the same underwear for over a week?’ Frank jokes while Gerard walks over to the register. ‘You didn’t even shower!’
Gerard laughs. ‘Well, I’m a changed man, what can I say.’
‘I’m grateful for that. And my nose too.’
They joke around on their way to a tiny café in the corner, and talk about the setlist for that day, and this one article Frank found on twitter. Nothing has changed, really. They still joke about the same dumb stuff, and talk about music and nonsense. Except now they also talk about their kids, and adult shit. And Frank couldn’t be happier to share this experience of growing old with his best friend.
They stop at a guitar shop and look around, just for fun. Gerard offers to buy him a guitar, just because, and Frank can’t accept that. ‘It’s the least I can do, Frankie!’ Gerard insists.
‘It’s not like I don’t have money!’ Frank is flattered, but there’s no need. They keep arguing back and forth, and just then someone interrupts them.
‘Hi,’ the man says. ‘You are the My Chemical Romance guys?’ Frank and Gerard look at each other for a second, and then back to the man, then back at each other. ‘I’m the owner. I was just wondering if I could get a picture? My daughter loves you!’
And they have no choice now. They’d be assholes if they say no.
But all Frank can think is that time they went for lunch in Leeds a few years ago, and a fan took a picture with them, posted it, and everyone made jokes about them being together. Fucking frerard, or whatever it's called! he thinks. It’s going to follow him forever.
Not that he wouldn’t choose Gerard if he liked dick – but he doesn’t.
And if he did, Gerard would probably be right there, top of the list, because he’s a beautiful dude. Not that Frank is into that stuff, but just saying. Frank isn’t homophobic or anything, he just doesn’t like cock. Or does he?
He kinda remembers this one time he jerked off to a movie, but it doesn’t mean anything. Or does it?
And he’s read some of the stuff that fans write. Not that they’re right or anything, because they’re not. All those kisses onstage meant nothing other than two friends being a little touchy, because they’re just that comfortable around each other to do that. A good old political statement. And maybe they were a little drunk or just too excited, high on adrenaline. Right?
He’s happily in love with his wife, and he’s been with her for so long. And yeah, they’ve seen other people – because they figured it was the healthiest thing to do when he was on tour –, but that’s it. Nothing serious. What Gerard and he have is just purely platonic.
‘Frankie!’ he hears Gerard calling, and when he finally comes back to reality, he sees Gerard holding a guitar case.
Is it just platonic?
***
Show time.
First show in Dublin goes amazing, and Gerard seems so fucking happy, Frank can’t stop looking at him. He’s so proud of him getting better after all the shit he’s been through. And it’s so sweet seeing him smile all the time.
He’s totally not checking him out, because they’re just friends.
Him laughing a little too much at his jokes? Nothing new. He knows they’re dumb, but Frank laughs at everything.
Oh shit.
Is he –
No, he can’t be. Gerard is just absolutely charming, and everyone can platonically fall in love with him. Yes, Frank would take a bullet for him. He’d make out onstage if Gerard asks him, and he’d do just whatever he asks him to, but that’s what friends are for.
But he can’t help noticing how good Gerard looks –
By the second Dublin show, Frank can’t stop looking at him.
And maybe he gets a little too excited during Destroya. But they’re just having fun, right? And yeah, he noticed that every time he and Gee were close or just talking to each other, the fans would go crazy, but he decided to ignore it. For his own good. But does Gerard hear that too? He doesn’t seem to mind, though.
He’s been really affectionate, too. Lots of hugs and giggles, but that’s nothing new. And after all the time the band was apart, and the pandemic. He just missed him. That’s it.
That’s why he looks at him like that, and why he tries to hug him in between songs. And Frank melts into the hug, not thinking too much of it. They’ve been doing it since the day he joined the band.
Frank loves his hugs.
And of course, the audience goes crazy, and Gerard laughs. ‘Don’t get excited,’ he says, clearly acknowledging this whole thing. The fact that they used to kiss onstage, and say funny things for everyone’s amusement.
Too late now, Frank thinks.
Because he got excited too.
***
As soon as they get off stage after the main set, Frank runs to the back. He needs to wash his face, and just chill before going back for the encore.
Except he can’t stop thinking about Gerard, especially when he’s looking at him with the most adorable grin he’s ever seen. That motherfucker.
If he wants to play this game, Frank will play too. Ten minutes later, when they’re back onstage playing I’m Not Okay, and it’s time for Frank’s part, he changes it up a little bit, just to see if Gerard notices. Just like in the old days. ‘Fuck me!’ he yells, not sure if it’s an invitation, or just part of this silly game. But the crowd cheers, and that’s something.
***
It was a good fucking show.
They all gave their all, and put their entire heart on every song. And most importantly, they had the most fun ever. Now, they’re tired and ready to go to bed.
Mikey is already taking a nap somewhere, and of course, Ray leaves the green room to go call his wife, so it’s just Frank and Gerard in the room. As if it wasn’t awkward enough.
Frank decides not to talk about it. They already went through twenty years and he could easily ignore his crush, it’s not a big deal. And he doesn’t want to ruin things just when they’re starting to get fun. So, he just gets on his phone and checks Instagram to pass the time.
‘I was just joking, okay?’ Gerard finally speaks up. Frank turns to him, confused. ‘About the not getting excited – you know –’ Gerard is rambling, and Frank gets even more confused. Because, of course, it’s just a fucking joke.
‘I know. I’d never thought you meant it.’ Even though it hurt a little, he thinks.
‘Okay, good.’
There’s another pause, and Frank goes back to his phone, but it’s harder to ignore the situation. Not when Gerard is right there.
And Gerard starts again. ‘You know – it’s because of all those things fan say, about us –’ And there’s a brief second where their eyes meet. They just stare at each other for a moment, not saying anything.
‘I know,’ Frank finally says, unable to keep his eyes off Gerard’s mouth. He still remembers that kiss from fifteen years ago, and that bastard is a great kisser. So what if Frank enjoys kissing men? It’s not a big deal, right?
‘And like – it’s not – real, but –’ Frank knows it’s not. He was there. ‘You know, things are different now.’ Yeah, they have families now, Frank thinks. ‘And maybe it’s not a big deal. So what if it was real?’
What if it was?
Frank listens as Gerard continues, going on and on about how he doesn’t give a shit anymore, and he’s getting old and just wants to enjoy life and be happy. So Frank leans in and kisses him.
Just to prove something.
What if they are in fact just friends who happen to be really close and sometimes kiss each other for funsies? There’s nothing wrong with that. Except this is not the case.
And as soon as their lips touch, Frank knows it. The magic and fireworks that Gerard joked about all those years, they’re there. Butterflies in his stomach and all that. And maybe it’s because they’ve known each other for so long and they’re comfortable with each other that it’s impossible not to enjoy a good fucking kiss. But it’s not that.
Frank wants more of this.
He’s already getting hard, and Gerard’s fucking big hands are running down his stomach and under his shirt. Soon, Gerard is on top of him, grinding against his crotch. It feels so good.
Now he feels dumb for not admitting it before, because they could’ve been making out all this time. Gerard doesn’t say anything, but just looks at him, his eyes asking a question. So, you feel it, too?
Frank nods, and helps him take off his shirt. They need to make up for all the lost time.
***
Someone’s knocking on Frank’s door. It’s not even five in the morning.
‘Frankie! It’s me!’
Gerard.
His best friend for the past twenty years. The best friend he’s had a crush on all this time but that he was just too stupid to admit, and the one he was making out last night. Fuck.
How are they supposed to do this now? Is it going to ruin the band?
‘Can I come in?’
Frank tries to mumble an answer, and nothing comes out, so Gerard just walks in. And now he’s standing in front of him, wearing that stupid hat and his stupid jacket, and looking hot as fuck.
God, admitting it feels nice.
‘We need to go to the airport,’ Gerard says. ‘I brought you coffee.’
‘Thanks.’ Frank reaches out for it, but instead Gerard leans in and plants a kiss on his lips. Just like that. Best way to wake up.
Gerard sits next to him, and they don’t say anything for a while, they don’t even look at each other. ‘So –’
‘So that happened.’
‘It did,’ Gerard replies with a smile.
‘So – that means?’ Frank can’t help giggling like a nervous wreck.
‘It means I like you, you motherfucker!’ Gerard finally admits. ‘I’ve always liked you! But I thought you’d never think of me like that.’
‘But – we literally kissed on stage. Many times.’
‘Yeah, but it was just a game.’
Frank interrupts his rant with another kiss. ‘What if it wasn’t? What if I liked you too, but I was too coward to admit it?’
He said it. Just like that.
‘You’re just saying that to make me feel better,’ Gerard tells him.
‘No, I’m not. I really like you – love you. And there’s no one else I want to be with.’
‘But what about –’
He doesn’t finish his sentence, but Frank knows what he means. ‘We’ll figure it out. But I want this.’
‘Me too.’
Frank pulls him closer until he’s on top of him, and presses his lips against his. This is way better than that kiss at Projekt Revolution. This means something. ‘Now let’s get back to business.’