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The night after the rather… uncomfortable journey into Mother Olm, Anne was happy. Relieved. Joyous, even.
But Sasha was not. Far from it, in fact. On the journey back to Wartwood, the girls babbled on about the prophecy, theorizing what it could mean and how epic it would all play out. The thought of Sasha getting cool anime powers made her excited and all, but the disturbing adventure burned itself into Sasha’s mind, and she was too embarrassed to say anything about it to anyone.
When they returned home, she used that opportunity to scrub her body clean of any possible grime that remained latched onto her skin. Wiped her armor a thousand times until she could see her reflection in it, and then some more, using a fragrance to get rid of leftover smells. Soaked her hair for a solid hour while aggressively combing her fingers through it and lathering her scalp in a homemade natural solution. Despite being previously power washed by Mother Olm’s spit (which even smelt like jasmine tea!), she still felt the urge to clean everything until her calloused hands grew sore.
She couldn’t even eat. Sasha, Anne, and the Plantars were all presented with delicious, appetizing meals (at least as appetizing as it could get considering the circumstances), yet it only took one bite for her to feel nauseous.
As she watched Anne devour her meal within seconds, Sasha couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, and thought to herself:
I wish I could be that calm right now.
But inside…
I’m screaming.
Sasha could only take three bites before offering her plate to Grime after the Plantars had left.
“You sure you don’t want the rest of this, Sasha? You need to replenish the nutrition you lost after that long–”
“I’m fine. I’m not hungry right now.”
“Oh…” Grime’s facial expression sank with visible concern. “Well, all right then. I’ll leave out some grub for you in case you get hungry later.”
Sasha forced herself to smile despite knowing that the grub would likely remain untouched as the night carried on. “Thanks. That would be great.”
She nudged the dish in his direction and made her way to her and Anne’s shared bedroom.
Maybe I’ll forget about everything if I just sleep it off.
~~~
That night, horrible thoughts continued to invade her mind.
This nightmare was far more graphic than any she had ever faced. Disturbing images flooded her mind, haunting her, tormenting her. Stealing the air from her lungs.
She wanted nothing more than for it to end.
Just as she thought this dream couldn’t be worse, she heard Anne’s voice. Not in the sweet, angelic way it normally is, but distorted and demonic and mean .
“Can’t believe someone like you would have a fear like that. You’re so weird.”
Sasha bit her lip until it bled.
Then, Marcy’s cheery voice rang out from the shadows.
“Aww, Sasha’s not so fearless after all! I knew you had secrets. Everything makes so much sense now!”
The thing that pained Sasha the most was that Anne and Marcy said both of these things after accidentally finding out about her secret a few years ago. Sure, they genuinely apologized afterwards and accepted this quirk of hers, and she was more than thankful for that, but the memory still stung. Every now and then, she thinks about it and shivers.
Anne and Marcy’s voices grew deeper, colder, more distorted. Different. Far different.
Anne’s chuckle grew louder and louder. “You think anyone is ever going to take you seriously after they find out? You’re a JOKE!”
Marcy again. “If I wanted to, I could start a rumor about you! Everyone at school would be talking about you nonstop. You’d be POWERLESS against it all!”
“No! You—You guys aren’t like this!” Sasha took a step back. Her legs trembled.
“Weak! Pathetic! Overdramatic!” they both roared in unison.
Even though it was all made up in Sasha’s mind, the words burned her deeply. She fell to her knees. “It’s not real,” she whispered. Tears welled up in her eyes. “It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real—”
“We know now. And we don’t CARE!”
Sasha covered her head, cowering closer and closer to the floor. Becoming one with stone. “SHUT UP!”
~~~
Sasha jolted awake with a gasp, drenched in a cold sweat. Her heart pounded against her chest, threatening to escape its cage.
Shaky breaths continued to rage from within like a storm.
Control yourself! Sasha thought to herself. You’ll wake up Anne.
Steadying herself, she took deep breaths in and out. In… and out…
After the tenth exhale, she finally regained her composure a bit, and sighed with relief.
“Sasha?”
Sasha jumped, letting out a startled cry. She turned to see Anne sitting upright from her bed across the room, looking at Sasha with saddened eyes.
Oh no, Sasha thought to herself. I can’t let her see me like this.
“Is everything okay, Sash?”
Sasha rubbed her forehead with the side of her hand. “Yeah. Just had a nightmare.”
Anne frowned. “You can talk to me about it if you want.”
“I’m fine.” Sasha layed back down, turning towards the wall and pulling the covers over her shoulder. “Go back to sleep.”
A pause. It lasted for moments . Forever.
“You’ve been acting strange all day,” said Anne. “I know you’re not okay. Please, just… tell me what’s wrong. I’m here to listen.”
Sasha turned her head to face Anne, who scooted backward and patted the area next to her. Inviting Sasha to sit.
She reluctantly agreed, fashioning her blanket as a cape and making her way across the room. When she sat down, she noticed the warmth from Anne’s bed. It made her feel safe, and comforted, and…
Sasha blushed for a moment. Not the time for this.
She cleared her throat, guiding her back to reality.
“So…” Anne crossed her legs, placing her palms on her knees. “Tell me what’s up.”
Sasha knew she couldn’t lie. Anne would see right through that crap. And frankly, she didn’t want to.
You can do this, Sasha.
“Um… This is gonna sound stupid. Don't laugh, but…” Sasha gulped. “It’s about earlier.”
Anne stared at her with a perplexed expression. As if the question mark symbol was embodied in a single moment.
“With Mother Olm.”
“Wait, the prophecy? Is there something about it that—?”
After saying this, Anne’s eyes grew wide. A clear moment of realization.
“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!”
“It’s fine, Anne—”
“I knew about your thing with ears! I was hoping that journey would help you get over that, but it just made everything worse.” Her voice shook with every word. Anne was clearly on the verge of tearing up. “I’m really sorry. Please, forgive me.”
“You’re fine! Please, don’t beat yourself up over it.” Sasha wrapped her blanket closer to her body. “I went through that for you guys. If something were to happen, I never would’ve forgiven myself.”
“Well, I appreciate you for having my back. Even if I dragged you into it.”
“I’d do anything for you…”
Sasha paused, realizing how cheesy this sounds. Her face turned bright red. Good thing the lights are off .
“I mean, that’s what friends do, obviously! Friends need to be there for each other, no matter what.”
“You shouldn’t have had to do that, though. I can’t apologize enough.”
“Don’t worry about it! Still, I guess from your perspective, it seems pretty miniscule.” Sasha frowns. “But Anne, it’s not something I can just get over like that, and it’s not just something I find gross. It’s been ingrained in me for the longest time. I wish I could get over it…”
“But you can’t.”
“Yeah.” A beat. “You don’t understand what this feels like. Doctor’s visits are horrible for me. I always worry about getting sick just so I can avoid going to them. I can’t even listen to certain words or phrases without losing my cool, or watch a new episode of a TV show or scroll on social media without worrying about accidentally coming across something triggering, or act normal with people during conversations sometimes. I have no idea why it bothers me so much.”
The only sound in the room was Sasha’s breathing. As exhilarating as this was, it felt a tad relieving to be finally getting this off her chest. She knew that Anne’s intentions were always pure, no matter the circumstances, and that she was nothing like the Anne in her nightmare. She would never betray her, no matter what.
Unfortunately, Sasha couldn’t say the same about herself, and there is not a single moment where this doesn’t haunt her.
Anne shuffled her hands around. Then, “You’re right. I’ll never understand. But I want to help. I can’t imagine how hard that was on you.”
Sasha turned away. “Do you think less of me?”
“What?! Dude, of course not! You’re still the same strong Sasha I’ve known for years. You’re the bravest person I know! So what if you have a unique phobia? It doesn't change the fact that you’re awesome.”
Anne’s words of encouragement were just the thing she needed in that moment. They warmed her icy heart, and for the first time in what feels like eternity, she was finally at ease.
“W-Wow! Th—Thank you so much…” She smiled, rubbing her eyes. Tears began to form once more, though this time they were happy tears. She sniffed. “Life would be so much easier for me if I wasn’t like this.” Sasha’s smile grew bigger. “I’m actually jealous of you.”
“Heh, well I’m jealous of you in so many ways.”
“Oh, stop it!” Sasha gave a bashful flick of the wrist before scooting back on Anne’s bed a little. “I’m just kinda bummed out that the whole journey was for nothing, though. I mean, the prophecy was on the freaking ceiling this whole time! How come I didn’t think of that?”
“I know, right? Well, I had fun and all but yeah, that would have been easier.”
The two girls erupted into laughter. It filled the hollow silence. Melted even the most frozen ponds.
Anne sighed, stretching out her legs. “Do you get nightmares often? Not any particular ones, just nightmares in general.”
“Mmm… Yeah. I do.”
Nightmares were not a rare occurrence for Sasha. During her childhood, she’d only scarcely have them, but ever since arriving in Amphibia, her dreams were darker and more persistent. After the incident at Toad Tower, and again after she betrayed Anne and Marcy by staging the coup against Andrias and Marcy was stabbed right in front of her, she’d been plagued with horrible visions every night. Fatigue was a constant companion, and as night fell, she dreaded the following events that would come with it. This lasted for around a month each time, and although her nightmares had been less frequent since Anne’s recent arrival, the guilt still lingered with her, and the dreams still returned occasionally to devour her alive.
She never brought them up with Anne, though, because she didn’t want her to worry.
Anne gave off a sheepish half-frown. Then:
“Me too.”
Sasha quietly gasped. She wasn’t surprised—nightmares were common, after all—but this was still unexpected nonetheless.
Anne layed back down on her bed. “Even though these events pass and life moves on, the hurt doesn’t ever truly go away.”
Sasha frowned. “Marcy… I miss her.”
“I’m so glad that she’s alive.” Anne rolled over on her side. “To be honest, I didn’t think she was, and I’d been lying to myself the whole time… but then you told me the news. I know I seemed pretty chill back then, but you don’t know how happy and relieved I was. She’s captured, which is still horrible, but now we have a chance to save her.”
“We will.” Sasha placed her hand on Anne’s shoulder. “I promise.”
Anne gently smiled, closing her eyes a bit. She was clearly getting sleepy again.
“Well, I guess I should go back to bed now.”
“Do you want to cuddle?”
Sasha froze.
Her heart thudded against her chest.
HUH?! How was she able to just ask so casually? I’d never be able to—
“Oh, no, that’s fine!”
“Come on!” Anne grabbed Sasha by the back and pulled her in closer, much to Sasha’s alarm. “We can help each other fall back asleep.”
Sasha couldn’t lie to herself. Right now, all she wanted was to be in Anne’s company.
Not even in a romantic way. Just…
Being.
That would make the night far more bearable.
Trying to hide her flustered face, Sasha nodded, crawling under the covers and finding a spot that made her comfortable. Anne latched her arm around Sasha’s body, hugging her like a pillow.
Anne’s warmth filled Sasha with an indescribable feeling. They’d cuddled together before, but this time, it was different.
It was special, and she wanted the moment to last forever.
As Sasha nodded off to sleep, she thought to herself:
Would it be easier to tell the entire world my secret?
Or to tell Anne and Marcy that I love them?